Everything is completely black; there's absolutely nothing to see; that is, until Sanae comes running from the right, hurriedly exclaiming "sorry about that. Was just in the toilet!"

What looks like a door hidden in the darkness opens up as fast as Sanae runs to it, letting bright light shine through, and as she jumps out of that light, Kanako, whom sounds kind of echoed, says "really Sanae, you should be more ladylike. You are my shrine maiden after all. You're going to tarnish both our names."

Gensokyo's skies now appears before the green haired girl as she flies with grace, beauty, a sexy bust, and without wings, when Suwako's echo-y voice says "hey, she's my shrine's maiden, not yours. And she's my granddaughter to boot, so if she wants to potty mouth a bit, let her. It tingles the tongue."

"Excuse me," softly calls Sanae as she starts shooting fairies out of the sky with blue bullets that fly out of her gohei, somehow...

"And there she goes again," angrily sighs Kanako. "It's because of you that she's having trouble with the locals lately. You need to restrain her now, before she gets too old and starts making mistakes."

"I'm right here," softly calls the girl as she now shoots Marisa, and easily blasts her out of the sky. (Poor girl screams as she falls head-first to the ground...)

"Oh yeah?" challenges Suwako. "Well she already has boobs, you snake, so it's already too late for that. Heck, she even got a boyfriend she's willing to defend to the deaths of us."

"Guys~" impatiently calls Sanae as she twirls once in the air, dives through a valley while taking out fairies all over the place with awesome grace and beautiful skill... Uh, wait...

"Gee, I wonder where she got those tanks from? It certainly wasn't from YOU, stretchy-tongue-long," playfully says Kanako while making an odd bouncing sound.

"Helloooo~" calls the slightly aggravated girl, while pinching the unaware Nitori's butt while flying by the riverside. (The little kappa even yelps like she's had that bun ripped off with a vice.)

"Oh! That's it, bubble-butt hag! I'm teaching you some manners!", angrily shouts Suwako.

"You're older than me, rusty boobs!" roars Kanako.

"GUUUYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSS!"

Sanae's furious outburst causes the scene before her to turn purple, then countless white talismans rain down from the clouds and obliterate every fairies, youkai, tengu, kappa, and hermits from the sky.

Once the scene is completely clear, and the goddesses have quieted down, the shrine maiden asks "could you please tell me why am I flying around the Youkai Mountain with a crosshair I can move with my stylus right in front of my eyes?"

Kanako's translucent image appears to the girl's left, holding her arms up defensively while saying "easy there Sanae. The author might get in trouble for copyright infringement."

Suwako's translucent image appears to the right with her hands crossed, and says "nah. He's not using names or actual scenes or music from the game, so he'll be fine."

Sanae grabs both large goddesses' images by the chest of their shirts, while SOMEHOW still shoots at the fairies and youkai that look like white wolves, pulls on those shirts to knock both goddesses' heads together, then asks "again I ask, what am I doing?"

After rubbing her head, the goddess of wind says "right. Well, it appears Ail has been chosen as a sacrifice for the ghost princess. You are taking down her ship in order to rescue him."

"Heheheh, she's probably eating the boy right now," jokingly adds the little blonde goddess of nature.

The blue haired woman takes her breath to speak, but Sanae is now a glint in the far sky, so she and the froggy girl are left on their own to stare in awe at the deadly, determined shrine maiden.

That busty, demon-like girl is already flying around the Unnamed Ghost Ship, and is shooting everyone, and EVERYTHING in sight, while roaring "GIVE ME BACK MY AAAAIIIILLLLLL!"

Meanwhile, inside the captain's quarters, Yuyuko, whom wears a light-blue robe; which is only mere inches from slipping off her glorious mounds and shoulders; crawls on her bed, ignoring the blasts, screams, and the chibi-neko Yumemi staring at them from the background, and seductively says "now then, it's time to eat my most favorite human boy~"

Ail lies on the woman's queen-sized bed with his wrists and ankles tied up to the four edges of said bed, and is wearing the ridiculous moonlight swim trunks, dog paws and dog ears attire while looking around in confusion, and with tears in his face and hyperventilating, asks "but I thought you liked me. Why are you eating me?"

The ghostly princess giggles playfully, places her hand on his bare shoulder, and softly says "don't worry. I won't bite too hard."

The boy smiles and sighs with relief, and calmly says "oh-ho-ho, I see. Phew. I thought I had made you angry and you wanted reven-"

And then it hit him like a washtub to the face, and exclaims "WAIT! IF YOU DO THAT, WE'LL BOTH DIE!"

TOO LATE!

The walls of the room explode, revealing Sanae on the other side with her arms crossed under her ample chest and with fire in her demon-like eyes.

She looks at her man in that outfit, angry hearts start floating around her, then she coldly says "either return him to me now, or I'm banishing you beyond the void."

Yuyuko giggles as she stands back up, adjusts her robes so they're back in their place, butterflies of death start flying around her, then Youmu casually calls "Lady Yuyuko~ I made breakfast. And I made those peach-filled dango you love so much."

The ghost princess is already out the door when she says "you two have fun~ I'm eating me some breakfast now. Please clean the sheets when you're done~"

Ail looks to the door and asks "wait, what are you-" but the pink-haired woman is gone, so he turns to Sanae, asking "what was she taking ab-" but his mouth malfunctions and stays open when he gazes on his woman, who now wears a thin, opened, semi-transparent sleep robe while giving him a dirty, hungry look.

She smiles at him, giggles while waving her hand, then sweetly coos "just a second, Ail-kun. Just need to take care of something."

She turns around just as the wind forces her robes wide open, doesn't fully uncover her, yet still gives her man a glance at that glorious full moon of hers, raises a large bow that looks like it's made of blue blades, a magical arrow appears on a string of pure light, then she shoots that arrow toward the Youkai Mountain.

She turns around, pays chibi-neko Ran for fixing the wall in one of Ail's eye blinks, and says "you did a wonderful job. I'll call you guys again next time."

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly replies the little blonde cat while nodding, then walks away to the door.

The hungry-looking shrine maiden slowly makes her way towards her blushing boyfriend, then seductively says "please be gentle."

"Shouldn't I be the one saying that?" cries Ail after realizing the non-canonical predicament he is in.

Meanwhile, at the Moriya Shrine, the two wounded, burned and pained perverted goddesses lie on their backs, while Budou and Phredia sit on their stomachs, then the little bat youkai smashes the TV screen they were using to spy on Sanae and Ail to bits with a screech, then angrily says "gramma and big sis are just too dirty. We have to wash their eyes with soap for this!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly hums the nodding chibi-neko Ran, taking the crying, frustrated Phredia's lines with that interruption.


At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Sakuya, Koakuma, and Patchouli are working on a sickening glowing green potion inside a large cauldron, and the purple magician with the tattered robes is currently mixing the concoction with vigor.

"And you are certain this will bring them back?" sighs the silver haired maid with a tone of concern.

The purple-themed girl hastens her already hasty efforts in mixing that disgusting liquid well, and says between swings "I. don't. care. if it. fixes them. or poisons them! I DON'T! WANT! ANY! MORE! OF THAT LUST OF HERS!"

Sakuya looks at the dull and saddened little devil, and says "if you try to poison them, I'll have to stop you, so you better make sure it's safe," and while looking at the redhead devil, she asks "and what's the matter with you? You seem kind of... off today."

Koakuma looks at the maid with a dull and empty smile, and says "Lady Patchouli put an unerotic, anti-lust spell on me. I beg of you, please, kill me."

"Don't you DARE," quickly barks the angry magician. "If she revives, the spell will be broken, and I don't want ANOTHER incident like last time!"

"There will be no plotting, nor any killings of any kind! What's going on here?"

"That elegant, charismatic, sexy, mature voice that makes me want to go to the depths of hell! MY LADY REMILIA!", says Sakuya as she turns around to face the source of the voice.

The maid and the magician share the same undisguised look of lustful desires when their eyes meet the two adult vampires standing on the door to the miniature (in comparison to the mansion's) library.

Koakuma glances at the two girls beside her with that empty smile, and blandly says "I can't feel it. I try, but I just can't feel it. Please, I can't live like this. Someone kill me."

Flandre Scarlet wears a simple, yet elegant red dress with spaghetti straps that covers JUST below her upper thigh, a pair of OBVIOUSLY misleading black lycra short shorts, a simple, yet bust-augmenting black push-up bra, a red wrist cuff with pink frills on each wrist, and a cute red armband with a pink frill facing down the arm.

Remilia Scarlet wears an elegant, long-sleeved lavender dress that covers just below her upper thighs, the shoulders have been deliberately pulled down to show off her perfect shoulders and collarbones (and give some room for her wings to spread out of), what looks like a black bra with thick straps, black cotton short shorts, and a pair of socks with solid bases under the feet, that reach up to her thighs.

Note that both girls ARE wearing their mop caps as usual, but with these new outfits... it's pretty hard to notice those.

The grown-up mistress sighs as she lifts her right arm while asking "what's going on here Patchouli? What's with that garbage you're making there?", then looks at Sakuya, smiles, and says "oh, and this isn't a bra. I'm wearing a swimsuit under this. Quite comfortable."

The well-endowed blonde chuckles mischievously, and says "don't worry anymore, Patchy. I'm no longer in heat, so you can end your little experiment."

She suddenly giggles mischievously, then says "but I can always play with you, if you like."

Koakuma is currently beating herself on the forehead with an iron pipe, repeatedly saying "wake up. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP!"

Sakuya twitches and breathes through her mouth, and keeps failing her attempt to form words.

Patchouli remains with her mouth wide open, her eyes STILL unable to hide the arousal she's feeling, and she quickly follows that with a blushing face, and a momentary, but violent stream of blood that blows out of her nose and falls right into her concoction.

Sakuya's eyes hide under a dark shadow as she FINALLY manages to ask "m-ma-ma-ma-My Lady? Wh-where did you get those *gulps* gorgeous clothes?"

Remilia and Flandre smile, both do a turn-around to show off their sexy new outfits, both revealing their backs are almost fully bare, then the Mistress says "you like? That suspicious shop-keeper sold them to us. Made by Rika too, so we can even go out in a storm if we wanted to."

That turn-around ignites Patchouli's inner muscle girl, and she starts to mix her potion with twice the fervor as before, while dripping more blood from her nose into it, turning it brown.

Sakuya's body paralyzes, her nose blood stops short from spilling to the floor, and her eyes glow with shocked intensity.

Koakuma starts rubbing her body in many places I won't show or tell you about, shouting "dammit all, FEEL SOMETHING YOU," yet only smiling emptily while crying twin-waterfall tears.

Noticing the many reactions, Flandre's evil, vile, detestably wanted, charmingly unavoidable, and naughty grin widens, making the maid and magician heat up a bit more, and to add fuel to the fire, she decides it's time to up the game a bit.

"Onee-sama, it's Ail with his wings exposed," exclaims the blonde, causing her sister to turn around while excitedly asking "AIL? Where? Where is he! ?"

Though Sakuya is suddenly feeling murderous, she will like what comes next, regardless of the boy's name being used to arouse her Mistress.

Flandre quickly slips her hand under the lavender dress' bottom, grabs the short shorts from behind, pulls them up hard, causing Remilia to gasp and moan uncomfortably, and for those pants and swimsuit to ride up those gorgeous meat buns, then smacks her sister's butt, exclaiming "that's it, you pervert! That's the way!"

She smacks the light-blue haired girl twice, thrice, causing that girl to scream and moan out loud, and...

Patchouli breaks the large mixing rod she was using due to a sudden jerk from her elbows, falls into the experiment, which is now chocolate, for some odd reason, and smiles and says "such beautiful sight," as she lets herself sink into the sweet concoction.

Sakuya's nose becomes a jet stream of blood that sends her flying backward several feet, and eventually breaking a hole on the wall, which leads her straight to the Land of Innocent Bunnies and Sweet Children's Songs.

Well, that world is now tainted but the maid's lust. Let's carry on.

Koakuma's eyes intensify, she bites her lower lip until she bleeds, she can feel her blood becoming hotter and hotter, as though lava is rising from her feet and going up to her head, and without caring for the fact that the furious Remilia is scolding and punching a giggling Flandre with defense-arms up, she lunges toward the well endowed vampire mistress, tackling her to the ground.

Cute and sexy moans and screams, PLUS pleas for release from the little devil's grasp by the sexy Mistress, cause a satisfied smile to grace the blonde vampire, whom turns around, and leaves the room after a job well done.


At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Chiyuri enjoys her second chapter free from mishaps from me by wearing a small blue bikini and exposing her new, slightly larger breasts, her perfect butt, and soaking up as much sun as possible, getting a nice and healthy tan.

Just look at those sexy curves going up her thighs, that round bottom resting on that lucky reclining pool chair, those cute hips and belly button exposed due to the lack of clothing, the cute, somewhat perky breasts taking the sun itself by surprise, and those silly and adorable twin tails that make up her childish hairstyle. (She's gonna kill me when she reads this part *trollface*)

About twenty feet away, hiding behind a cannon, Yumemi and Agava peep on their blonde captain wannabe with a pair of binoculars each, and both drool and pant with anticipation.

"Damn. That apprentice of mine *slurp* looks REALLY good. I want to do things to her again, even if she is no longer a D cup!"

The shadow girl stares at the redhead with a thumbs-up and a smile, and says "lovely statement, but remember that you are with ME now, so we share the loot!"

Yumemi grins, nods, and says "well, of course! I wouldn't be able to fulfill my current desires without your help. Now, you got the ropes, the club, and the 'thing' from that rabbit girl we just can't recognize?"

The dark girl with the bouncy boobs pulls the ropes, a polished metal club, really small outfits that lack either a top or a bottom, and a blurred and jagged-out item we just can't recognize.

The sexy redhead flips her thumb up, and with a very funny, yet serious look on her face, she says "alright, that outfit is a good addition. Let's move in for the kill."

And so the girls move forward with their plan to do stuff to Chiyuri, Yumemi leading the way, that is, until a tower of fifty pizzas falls from the heavens on to her hands.

"WHY THE HELL PIZZA! ?", furiously exclaims the redhead as she attempts to keep the delicious tower of cheese, sauce, pepperonis, peaches, and many other ingredients, from falling to the floor.

Agava flies up to the top of the tower after dropping the lewd items, grabs the steaming supreme pizza; with shiny melted cheese on top of sliced onions, peppers, grinded meat, red onions, red sauce, and steaming with perfectly hot flavors; that's below the fourth pizza from the top of the tower down, then casually waves at the redhead while saying "this is my cue to leave you alone now. Take care."

"No, wait!" shouts Yumemi in distress. "I WANTED THAT SUPREME PIZZA! HEY! COME BACK HERE WITH MY PIE!"

"You can have your Chiyuri pie instead!" shouts the shadow youkai back at the distressed girl.

And now, thanks to the disturbance, the tower of pizza is starting to tilt left, so she has to move left.

But then it starts tilting back, so the girl whimpers as she moves back, saving the deliciousness that is the tower on her hands.

The tower stabilizes and Yumemi sighs with relief, smiles after (somehow... don't ask how) spotting another supreme pizza right in the center of the tower, and decides it's time to end the shenanigans, and claim her new prize.

She bends down and safely places the delicious tower on the floor, drools with anticipation as she straightens up, takes a step back in order to admire the manner in which she'll claim her prize, and then "whoops," she slips on the blurred out item.

The thing, whatever it is, starts beeping as it stuffs itself right in the center of the tower, right where the supreme pizza is, then the beeping gets faster.

"Oh, you have got to be *****ing kidding me," says the redhead to herself only seconds before ducking and covering.

The beeping gets faster and faster, until the pizzas explode, sending countless, perfectly, shiny melted cheese triangular slices, flying all over the sky, like some delicious danmaku, and soon after, the girls from the other ships can be heard exclaiming their delight at the pizza shower.

"NOOOOOO! My supreme!" cries out Yumemi while looking around the starboard (right) side of the ship, watching as how even Chiyuri gets a slice of pepperoni AND extra cheese pizzas, and exclaims "pizza? In Gensokyo? AWESOME!"

Yumemi whimpers while hearing the many hums of delight from the feasting girls, drops on her knees in despair, then cries "but I wanted pizza too! It's been ages!"

A pair of steaming slices of chicken and supreme pizzas fall right in front of the weeping redhead, and taking quick notice of the miracle, she looks up to the sky and exclaims "THANK YOU KANAKOOOOOOO~!"

The girl quickly grabs the slice, opens her mouth, chomps down-

At heaven, Tenshi looks down from the window of her kitchen, and says "see Iku? I told you they were safe! Even the youkai are eating them, and they are just fine. Now EAT!"

The oarfish youkai, who sits on a small square table to the left of the kitchen, groans irritably, and angrily says "fine, fine, I'll try your peach pizza!"

Tenshi explodes with so much force, Bahva-Agra rattles violently, and Iku, who is SOMEHOW already out of danger and in the air, takes a bite out of her pizza, then exclaims "OH MY GOODNESS! Miss Eldest Daughter, you should open up a restaurant!"


Meanwhile, at Marisa's house, somewhere in the Forest of Magic, the blonde witch is diligently studying a book in her desperate attempt to finally learning how to control her Master Spark's direction.

It is obvious she's been losing sleep over this, as the black rings around her eyes reveal this much to anyone with a working brain.

"Grah! But if I do that, I'll burn my hand. Dammit, I just don't get this!"

While the girl groans, grumbles and complains to the book, Koakuma silently sneaks in through a window at the living room right behind Marisa, who totally fails to notice the magical shift from her defenses being dispelled.

The little devil stares at the back of the witch's head for a few seconds, then looks around the piles of stolen items that is that blonde's house, then says to herself "well, might as well try the second floor first. Oh, wait."

And as if waiting for her arrival, set in one of the neatest piles in the entire derelict mess that is that house, are many of the books that were stolen from the library.

Not only are they in such a neat pile they look out of place, they are also set under a looting sack, and that sexy devil quickly recognizes the vile sack as the one used to loot those books from under her own nose.

With a smug smile on her face, the cute redhead picks up the sack, wraps it neatly around the books, hums a tune as she ties the end into a tight knot, then easily lifts the loot over her back and says "wow, this was a whole lot easier than I thought."

"Hold it RIGHT there, flappy-head!"

Koakuma's small head-wings start flapping rapidly as she turns around to meet with the angry witch's face, chuckles nervously, and says "my, Marisa, what a surprise finding you here."

The black-and-white chuckles dangerously, then threateningly says "put. my books. down, or I'm barbecuing your head."

The little devil rummages through her right pocket, pulls out a strawberry paste filled doughnut with hard chocolate icing, shiny sprinkles, drizzled dark and white chocolate squiggles, and a crunchy red heart chocolate adorning the center, then waves it in front of the witch and says "here you go girl. Bark. Bark for the doughnut."

Like magic, the blonde's attention falls on the shiny, fruit-filled doughnut, and like an obedient dog, she barks and pants for the deliciousness.

Koakuma grins, lifts the doughnut, and says "you want it, girl? You want it?"

"...GO GET IT!", she shouts after throwing that delicious treat high to the sky, breaking a hole on the house's wall with said heavy treat.

Meanwhile, Kotohime sneaks through the right corner of the scene, picks up three cute porcelain dolls from the floor on Marisa's house, looks around suspiciously, then pulls herself back into the scene's hole.

Now the little devil flies freely through the sky, while singing to herself "I~ don't really care about that purple bitch! She~ put a nasty curse on me~! But~ lady Remi told me 'GET THOSE BOOKS!' Then~ she pointed at her breasts and said 'THEN YOU GET THESE!'

"Kyah~ Once my lady see what a good job I've done, we'll have a great time to-"

The heated devil's dream cloud is busted before the lewd images inside can even take form, and when she looks to the east, she realizes Marisa discovered the spikes inside the doughnut, and is currently enjoying said treat while tossing the last one of the five spikes on her hand, and catching it as it falls.

"Thanks for the treat," says the witch in a dangerous tone before eating the rest of her doughnut in one last bite.

"Now then, time to teach you not to mess with Marisa Kirisame, you perverted little demon who's looking for another sealed-lust spell PLACED ON HER!"

The adorable devil lowers her head-wings and screeches as she raises her hands defensively, while Marisa throws the now magically-charged spike, then a chicken flies by, cheering "I can fly~", but then it screams as it falls down the second that spike touches it.

The blonde and redhead stare as the chicken falls to the ground and explodes upon touching Alice's house; and by the way, the poor blonde is screaming her head off; then Marisa's face turns red with rage just before creaming "what the **** hell was THAT ***** ***** ******! DAMMIIIIIIIIT WIIILLIIIIEEEEE!"

Koakuma isn't sure what to do now, and whimpers nervously while Marisa keeps spewing such gorgeous flowers and hearts out of her mouth.

The witch recovers herself, her face becomes slightly pink due to her still being mad, yet more calmly says "you're lucky stride ends now, demon girl," pulls her Hakkero from beneath her hat, then more angrily says "I'm a-ROASTING your head off! Love Sign, Master SPAAAAAAAAAARK!"

Little chicks, a rabbit, some red 'P' tabs, a rice ball, some tempura, and one confused Futo, are the things that fall out of that octagonal wooden object, popping like popcorn as the item spews its last 'P' tabs.

Mystia, Cirno, chibi-neko Sanae, Maribel and a fox youkai, all point at the witch and hold their sides while laughing out loud and hard.

Both witch and devil stare in disbelief at the failed laser, completely ignoring the laughing audience, Marisa's eyes get covered with a black shadows, and in a very tired and dangerous undertone, she says "I can't ****ing believe this shit. It just can't be helped then. I supposed I can always kill you with my bare hands."

The blonde roars as she winds her broom back for what promises to be a most painful, bone-breaking tackle for Koakuma, but then a washtub falls on the angry girl's head, then Alice flies from behind and kicks Marisa's butt right back to the sky, and shouts "and don't you throw a chicken at me again!"

The puppeteer glances furiously at the little devil, nods once, and after a quick 'hmph', she turns around and flies back home, leaving the happy-go-lucky Koakuma with her books to take back home to Remilia.


At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Shanghai and Hourai board the mentionend ship from the front, and quickly slip unnoticed behind a sign that reads "There is Nobody Hiding Behind Here" in blue and green neon lights.

After the tiny girl in blue finishes looking around, the little blonde in red whispers "onee-chan, what are we doing here? Mama Alice is going to be worried."

The older-by-five-minutes sister looks at her little twin sister, and angrily whispers "because the stupid author has been messing with mama and me too much! I want payback!"

Just before the questioning comes, the girl in blue says "he has stuffed me in treasure chests and used me for his lame jokes, has been using mama Alice for really bad and tasteless pranks and skits, and just now, he used a chicken to blow up our house. This has become personal!"

Hourai sighs, but instead of thinking of something to say to sway her sister from her current plot, she, instead, stares behind the blue-dressed blonde as if there's something quite amusing there.

"What? What is-"

Shanghai's question is put on halt when she comes face to face with the ADORABLE little Petal, who is crouched besides the two little girls, and is wearing a light-green tutu with a sparkly skirt, and white tights underneath.

She smiles sweetly at the two little girls, tilts her head slightly to the right, flaps her wings twice, giggles, then says "hi. Play with Petal. You want?"

From the center of the deck, Satori, who looks questionably at her right side light-blue, left side light-yellow sleeveless and legless leotard, turns her attention to the baby raven, and calls "Petal, sweetie, I'm meeting with Miss Shinki now. Please be good," then walks toward the cabin, feeling a bit embarrassed of her current attire, and thinking "why did they make me wear this?"

The girl in red is about to accept, but the angry girl in blue is quicker with her reply. "Sorry little girl, but we're not here to play. Please go play somewhere else before you get hurt."

The little girl's eyes become glassy and wide as tears start to well up underneath them, her cute lips wriggle and pout as she starts to hyperventilate in her adorable attempt to stop herself from crying, and to top it all off, she lowers her wings slowly.

"Aww~! Look what you did, onee-chan! She just wanted to play!"

Hourai falls for the adorable trap and bounces off her sister's head to reach the little girl's neck to give her a hug, and as she feels the cute bird girl is calming down, she coos "there, there. I'll play with you, little Petal."

The adorable little raven's entire being shines as she lifts her wings again and smiles with delight while cheering "dolly, dolly girl, play Petal!"

This scene becomes far more evil when Hourai and Petal decide to give each other a warm hug that sends a spark of loving energies flying in all directions.

Shanghai places a napkin on her nose, just in time as the blood starts flowing out of it, while her eyes fail to hide the intensity of the warmness she feels in her own heart, plus, she is now unable to feel her legs.

"Come on Petal. Let's go play house over three," says Hourai while pointing at a dollhouse set placed right next to where Satori and Shinki are.

After hearing her sister make that offer, the blue-dressed tiny girl waves her arms frantically, while whispering "wait, Houraiiii! What about the plan? Houraaaaaiiiiiii!"

After being ignored by two giggling girls, the little blonde drops on her butt with her arms crossed, while muttering angrily "great. Now what am I supposed to do on my own?"

Marisa's scream becomes stronger and stronger, then she falls on her face right next to Shanghai, and a sign that reads "Marisa will fall here. Please refrain from pulling her bloomers off. Seriously, she has this habit of not wearing panties beneath them. Can you believe that?"

The blonde witch groans and rubs her butt as she slowly gets on her knees, looks around the glass-like ship, then says to herself "crap, I'm right where I DON'T want to be."

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

Those words cause the witch to groan in annoyance, hold her face with her hand, and say to herself "this just isn't my day."

The sexy Sara steps closer to the evil blonde, and demands "give me back my magazines, Marisa! I still haven't finished reading the comics, and I want to know what happens to Ail after Sanae caught him cheating with herself!"

The black and white one stares in disbelief at the Makaian guard, then exclaims "you read that garbage? That stuff was written and drawn by a ten-year old for retarded officers in boring villages!"

At the Human Village, Kotohime sneezes, then shivers as she ominously says "someone's making fun of me and my tastes in comics."

Mugetsu comes from behind, rubs the police woman's shoulders, and sweetly and playfully says "take it easy or you'll start growing wrinkles."

The redhead punches the blonde on the face, and at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Marisa is trapped inside a banana peel, Sara has been captured by an ice fairy, Shanghai is wondering if it's possible to divide by zero, and Satori and Shinki stare with terror and disbelief at the mess before them.

Their gaze turns toward the giggle of two girls, and watch as Petal falls to the floor with Hourai patting her head and scratching her behind the ear, making that adorable raven girl twitch and tense the left side of her body, while giggling and kicking her left leg against the hard floor, and flapping her wings very rapidly.

"Tickle-tickle, Petal likes! More, Hourai-Rai love!", says the child with sparkly eyes.

Shinki lies on her hands and knees while sobbing contently "so adorable," while holding her nose in a failed attempt to stop the bleeding, and trembling hard while trying to keep herself from falling unconscious.

Satori, though standing, is unable to move an inch due to her heart stopping so suddenly, and even so, remains conscious while muttering "It's just... impossibly unfair," and just like that, her nose starts bleeding.


At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia sits on the couch of the living room, while combing one very happy Koakuma's head with her fingers, while said little devil is contently resting her head on the Mistress' bare lap.

Flandre walks into the room, casually stares at the situation before her, then casually asks "so, she's still mad at Patchy for that lust sealing thing?"

The light-blue haired vampire nods twice and says "yeah. And to be honest here, I'm kinda liking her company. And speaking of Patchouli, how is she?"

The blonde shrugs with a mischievous smile, sighs and chuckles softly, then says "she's now addicted to chocolate, and is doing a pointless exercise to break that addiction. Heheh, but she's getting nowhere, and fast."

At the small library in the ship, the purple-haired magician with a chocolate smeared mouth, is drooling while looking intensely forward, trembling while holding her own lifted right hand back from reaching.

She groans as she forcefully pulls herself back, to no avail, and whimpers and groans "no. Be strong, Patchouli. Don't give in. Don't. give. in!"

In front of her is Sakuya, tied by the wrists and ankles, lying on a table, and covered up to her neck with chocolate, though the chocolate around her legs, up to her thighs, seems to have been recently licked off..

The maid currently flushed and panting steamed breaths while looking lost and sighing "please, Lady Patchouli! Just released me or eat me already! I... I'm going crazy!"

Back at the living room, Flandre giggles and says "Sakuya is trying to help, but seems to me like she's only making things worse."

Remilia holds her chin with her free hand while thinking, then the door to the living room opens up again, and even Koakuma lifts her head to look toward the visitors.

"HIIII! Miss Sakuya, we're here!"

Meiling calls for the maid while holding the shoulders of two very special guests, a pair of guests that have the other three present girls in the room stare with shocked white round and scowled eyes.

Remilia points at the gate guard and asks "wh-ho-er-? WHAT THE HELL?"

Flandre hisses as though having seen hell on Earth, then exclaims "the author is going TOO FAR!"

Both Koakuma and Meiling share the same shocked, white, round eyes, and all they do is stammer stupidly while trembling.

The two little guests with the gate guard happen to be Remilia and Flandre Scarlet, only in their adorably child-like bodies.

The little light-blue haired vampire points at her adult self with a shocked expression and screams "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Is that supposed to be ME?"

The little blonde points at her adult self with a smile, pumps her fists while jumping in the air, and exclaims "YES! I'm still cute when I grow up! AND I'M SEXIER THAT REMI TO BOOT!"

The adult vampires look at each other, Flandre giggles innocently, then says "no, no, it wasn't my experiment. This is all the author's doing."

The sexy Mistress face palms, sighs, then says "well, it's not like this is a canon spin-off to begin with. And not a very sane one either. Ugh, I can feel my brain cells degrading just by thinking about it."

"Tell me about it," says the young Mistress. "Next thing you know, Marisa's going to fall through the ceiling in a stupid banana suit, singing that ridiculous peanut butter and jelly song."

The ceiling makes a nasty crunching sound when Mai falls through it and lands right in the center of the two Flandres' sighs.

She rubs her head and her left wing as she stands up, groans a little, and after finally standing up, she looks up to the hole she just made and shouts "you're going to pay for that, Marisa!"

From outside, the witch shouts back "that's payback for the banana skin!"

"Tch. Dammit, she's right. I made my own bad here," reluctantly admits the girl just before noticing the position she is in.

Both Flandres stare at her unblinking, the adult blonde drooling with a flushed face, and the child one chuckling naughtily.

Mai takes a deep, DEEP breath, then screams as she runs through the wall towards the dark corridor.

Both blondes chuckle mischievously as they give chase, and the adult one says "hope you drank enough water, cuz I'm not making pit stops today!"

"Ditto~" cutely calls the younger Flandre, giggling as their voices and steps fade away.

Both Remilias click their tongues while looking with disgust at the hole made by the poor victim, then the adult vampire says "she just never grows up. Jeez."

"Tell me about it," begins the child vampire. "Even when feasting, she acts like a spoiled child."

Ail, whom has his ethereal dragon wings exposed, peeks his head through the hole on the ceiling, looks around, and asks "hey, have any of you guys seen Sanae around here? ...Oh shit."

Both young and adult vampires spring to the sky after the fleeing boy, the sexy light-blue haired vampire calling "darling, don't run! I'll be gentle, I promise!"

The child-bodied girl sighs and says "come on Ail! I promise, you'll LOVE being the King of the Night!"

Inside the living room, Koakuma and Meiling sit around an elegant table, wearing elegant dresses while elegantly drinking tea, and eating cookies.

The gate guard raises an eyebrow and says "hmph. So undignified."

The little devil nods twice and says "quite. Please ignore them and enjoy your tea."

Chibe-neko Damien serves them another plate of cookies, and with his suave and manly voice, says "enjoy the cookies, my lovely young ladies. They were made special."

At the kitchen, chibi-neko Ran has a bowl of what we SHOULD believe is cookie dough, blurred out and pixilated.

It's sort of greenish and dark purple, it's chanting dark spells, and it appears to be singing dark songs to itself.

"HUN-HUN-HUN," hums the blonde neko after the dough passes out some gas.


Meanwhile, at the Palanquin.

"Cirno-chan, are you really sure this is necessary?" asks the cute Daiyousei, whom is currently wearing a pair of goggles over her eyes.

She is sitting on the large rubber band of an even larger wooden slingshot; Suspicious Brand; which is currently aimed at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, where the sailor-girls there have decided to sleep on hammocks inside the cases of an unfinished bamboo cabin.

Only the skeleton of the structure is standing, yet they keep sleeping away inside those squares, as if not having a care in the world.

There's Chiyuri, Yumemi, Renko, Maribel, and Mima, who is sleeping at the bottom center of the unfinished architecture.

Back at the Palanquin, the cocky ice fairy flips a thumbs up at her adorably frightened friend, and says "don't worry Dai-chan. This is totally nece-ness, um, needed, and completely safe. You'll destroy that weak little house and take them all along for the ride! The captain will be happy with us."

The green-haired fairy scratches her chin while looking up in thought, and says "well, I do like rides," then she looks around herself, and asks "so how does this work?"

The ice fairy smiles, and confidently says "it's simple. We wait for the giant gloved hand to come and pull you back."

Daiyousei raises an eyebrow, and with understandable doubts in her voice, says "you know, Cirno, there's only so much you and this weird fat author can get away with."

And there it is, looking eager to do its job behind that cute fairy, the giant gloved hand with a thirst for destruction, chuckling silently to itself, as though ready for mischief.

The green-haired fairy's mouth twists with a sudden grimace, and her eyes becomes two black marbles as she stares at the hand, while Cirno cheers "alright, Dai-chan! Get ready!"

"WAIT!" Daiyousei's pleas fall on deaf ears... and gloved fingers, and that hand grips the rubber band from behind the fairy's butt, and pulls back.

"Cirno, I have a bad feeling about this! Stop this!" cries the great fairy to no avail, and now the hand is taking aim.

"You'll be fine! Now go, destroy that icky house thing!", commands the ice fairy while the hand gives one last pull.

"I changed my mind. Get me out of-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!"

The green haired cutie screams at the top of her lungs as she flies over the house's skeleton, then crashes against a solid, round metallic object in red that's hovering above, falls head first on the left side of what should be the roof, and crushes Chiyuri and Renko underneath the wooden planks, getting five thousand points from each, plus four hundred for every piece of wood destroyed.

Flandre's UFO now has a dent underneath, thanks to Daiyousei's head, but the one driving it is Mai, who looks around and asks "I think something hit us."

Adult and child Flandre are currently tied from head to toe (the adult one having her chest free from ropes), and both look dull, tired, sweaty and covered in shameful fluids, yet the older blonde has the gull to say "ugh! I told you to let me drive! You are bad at this!"

The ice witch chuckles coldly, then says "my, you are in no position to demand anything from me."

They are about to take off, but the angel-winged ice demon stops, looks at the tied-up vampires, and says "I REALLY must thank you for showing me how you were right. Just giving in to my needs has woken something inside of me. Ahh~ Now to take you both home and continue where we left off."

"N-no, please! Not the horsy!" weakly cries little Flan-chan.

"Please, forgive us. We won't try to eat you like that again!" cries the old-looking blonde with despair.

Mai simply giggles as her face flushes, looks at the two girls with starving eyes, and says "nope. I'm not satisfied yet, so you are going NOWHERE, and taking responsibility for this!"

And so, they take off to the distance, just as Cirno is wound back, prepared to finish Daiyousei's noble work.

The confident ice fairy cheers "LET'ER RIP!", then then hand winds her back a little more, and releases her.

"FLY AND KICK HER AAAASSSS!", roars Cirno as she flies fist-first toward the semi-destroyed house-like structure.

She breaks the beam holding what was left of roof together, crushes Yumemi and Maribel under the falling planks, and gets five thousand points for each before crashing against an invisible virtual wall.

The structure keeps collapsing, giving the girls four hundred points for each destroyed wooden plank, however, all pile up above Mima's head and none are able to break through the plank that is her roof.

Cirno pops out of the scene, then a slab with Mima's evil grinning face appears in front of the darkened scene, reading "Loser! I'm still here!"


Last time, on Tales of the Almost Pirates, Marisa stole Alice's still-beating heart out of the Chest of Yuyuo-Ko, got captured by a pack of little cats with ringed tails, and is now under the care of Eientei, specifically Toyohime, who came over to visit for some tea.

"Hey, none of that stuff ever happened, you jerk," spits Marisa toward the text explaining the story so far, with a furious face.

Toyohime Watatsuki has long, flowing, sandy blonde hair, yellow eyes, and wears a while, long-sleeved blouse under a dark blue dress with a strap on the left only, a lose belt around her waist and hips with a golden mirror buckle, a cute pair of ankle-high boots, and her white bonnet with the red ribbon around it sits on the table, next to the cookies tray.

She stares quizzically at the witch, and asks "who are you talking to, miss black and white witch?"

The blonde snarls at the Lunarian, sighs to calm herself down, then says "to the bastard author of this fiction. He's targeted me today, for some reason, and is making my life a living hell."

The cute and sexy blonde alien coos, giggles while rubbing Marisa's head under that witch's hat, and says "don't be so glum. Just think of him as a desperate, filthy human in need of a girlfriend, and you'll feel better."

A happy, light-blue washtub falls on Toyohime's head, knocking her out immediately, causing her head to hit the table, causing the teacup to fly to the air, causing hot tea to spill all over Marisa's head, causing that witch to scream and roll around on the ground, causing the sky to crack, and Mystia flies by, singing "CHIN-CHIN!"

Now, the well endowed and curvy Lunarian is wearing an indigo bikini with a v-cut bottom, and triangle top cups, and as she wakes up, she rubs her head, smacks her lips, and says "oww, what just happen?"

She takes notice of how exposed her body is, looks around at herself, checks out her own breasts and tests their bounce, firmness and weight, then turns around after letting them bounce against gravity, to look at her slightly exposed butt, admiring how her skin seems to look milkier than ever.

She looks forward with a slightly embarrassed face, smile, coos, then says "oh my, for a disgusting human, you surely got good taste. Hmm... say, can I keep this? I want my husband to see me like this."

Marisa walks by, moaning and groaning, then stands in front of the sexy alien and shouts "you spilled hot tea on my head, you idiot!"

The floor cracks underneath the witch, ice-cold water falls from the ceiling, and she screams as she slips-n-slides down the darkness of Eientei's basement.

"What the heck?", questions the witch after ending her screaming. "Why does it smell so bad here? Yuck! Is this coagulated blood?"

Toyohime looks at nowhere in particular, smiles, coos as she sways around, bouncing those glorious pearls of hers all over, and says "thanks Willie G.R.! My dear man will LOVE this!"

"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" screams Marisa from the basement after some snarls and roars echo outside the hole. "Zombies! Zombie rabbits everywhere! WHAAAAAAAAA~!"

Even the sexy Lunarian can't ignore the many snarls, hisses and roars coming from the basement, and mixed with that human blonde's bloody screams of pain and agony, she can't help by frown.

Marisa jumps out of the hole with a pair of rotten, jagged teeth sunk on her tender butt, shoots a spark into that hole, causing some dirty blood to jump over the opening and fall inside again, then the hole is no longer there.

Toyohime suddenly lifts her arms in the air, making her pearls bounce around with the momentum of the sudden move, then cheers "YAY! The girl is alive!"

The blonde witch grips her own hair while looking at the half-naked girl and screams "what the hell's the matter with you! ? Didn't you hear me struggling for my life down there? And now I'm infected by those things! GYAAAAHHH!"

Her scream comes from the fact that the sunk teeth have been removed, and that she's just been injected with the antidote by Eirin, who crosses her arms under her chest to challenge Toyohime's womanly figure, and casually says "stop whining little girl. You're going to be alright. Just stand under the sun for a few seconds and the antidote will cure you completely."

The poor blonde with tears under her eyes rubs her left butt-cheek while walking outside, and whines "why are you keeping those things down there if you have the cure? Aya and Satori are going to be mad."

"What they don't know, won't hurt them," casually says the Lunarian pharmacist with a most endearing smile on her face.

Marisa can feel a chilling sensation coming from that woman, so she immediately turns her face around to look at the ground's gate, and that's when she sees it.

Her face freezes, her eyes almost pop out of her sockets, her pale skin turns even paler, and her breath locks itself inside her lungs.

In front of the gates walks Rumia with her head below her feet, and carrying a sleeping Rika Onkamikami, while reciting the value of pi, and drinking water from a bottle in front of her nose through a hairy straw.

The witch's brain sparks light-blue bolts out of her ears, nose and white eyes, and she falls on her back on the ground, where her dress shatters, revealing a cute black lingerie set beneath.


At the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Kanako is visiting Yuyuko, along with Byakuren, Eirin, Yukari, and for some reason, Mima, Shinki, Aya and Tewi are there, but they are on a separate table, drinking tea and eating cookies made by Youmu.

Anyways, let's focus on the busty goddess, for she is my target-er, the main attraction for this paragraph.

The sexy woman pulls a pack of cards from the back pocket, and says "alright girls! Today we play for keeps! Strip poker! And I don't want to hear any whining when you have to take off the undies!"

This particular bit goes straight toward Byakuren, who sweats while trying to smile as casually as possible, trying to hide her fright, though failing when she starts to sweat.

The "young" girls on the main table (except Byakuren) cheer when the goddess sits down, then said woman begins to mix the cards with great agility and skill, thus making her glorious mounds shake and jiggle quite a bit, entrancing Eirin in the process.

She splits the cards evenly between all the girls, leaves a pack on the sides, and since I, the mighty author, really know little to nothing about poker, I'll go ahead and start messing things up.

Before officially beginning the game, Yuyuko grabs her piece of strawberry and cream cake, takes a bite off the small end, and the cake screams like a little girl that's just been stabbed with a digging shovel on the back.

The ghost princes yelps and drops the screaming and crying cake and shouts "Youmu, what kind of cake you made here? It's screaming like a little girl!"

The cake grows a pair of thin black legs, runs toward Kanako, jumps on her chest, bounces on them, jumps over the goddess' head, then runs outside the Hakugyokurou replica, screaming, crying and panting.

The goddess of war growls furiously, then roars "that thing touched my boobs!", stands on her feet, points at the cake over at the exit, then shouts "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY DIVINE MOUNDS! ?"

Eirin gets closer to Yukari, who leans closer to Byakuren, who bends closer to Yuyuko, and whispers "well, looks like someone's full of herself today."

The other women nod in assent, then restart their sexy game, as if nothing was really happening.

Outside the shrine's replica, Kanako snarls as she looks around, spots the cake running to the portside (left) rails, prepares danmaku charms, and shouts "stop right there, you little pervert!"

The little cake piece shrieks while jumping to avoid the danmaku, reaches the rails, jumps over them, then the air-headed goddess huffs and says to herself "little perverted bastard. He got away."

The screeching of tires reaches the busty goddess' ears, and with a scowl, she looks around and asks "huh? What the heck is that?"

Yoshika seems to be sitting on the air as she flies, and along with her comes the roar of a car's engine, yet no car.

When she falls, Kanako feels the weight, heat, pressure, and EVILS of a car and its tires crushing her body underneath its own weight.

The jiang-shi hits the accelerator as soon as her car touches the floor, and her wheels screech on top of the goddess, who screams a bloody scream that reaches the heavens.

The zombie stops, looks around herself, somehow opens the invisible door to her invisible car without moving her arms, then steps out of the vehicle and calls "hello? It's anybody screaming over here?"

She somehow misses the red-faced goddess shivering with pain on the floor, underneath her invisible vehicle, we close-up to the zombie's face just as she inexplicably scratches her head with her hand, then we back away from her as she shrugs and says "whatever. It was probably the wind."

She gets back in her car, closes the door without moving her arms again, then forces her car over the deity, making it jump hard, then saying "wow, this ship is really bumpy."

After a few minutes pass, Kanako groans and moans as she gets back up, her hair is an oiled mess, her dress torn and dirtied, her onbashira broken at the side, and to make matters worse, her PSP just ran out of batteries.

"Just great," groans the angry goddess as she pockets her handheld system again. "I better get back inside before something else hap-"

"KYAAAAAHHHHH" *KER-CRASH!*

*PU-CHIUUN* "AUGH!" *LE-THUD!*

Kanako gets off from the ground after being assaulted by something yellow, black and white, groans as she holds her back and straightens it up, then looks down to the ground to her left, and growls while raising her left fits with a pulsating vein on it.

She picks Marisa from the floor and holds her by her shirt, almost pulling it off, and demands "what the hell is your problem, witch! ? Why did you make me go pu-chiuun! ?"

The distressed witch with tears under her white ovals for eyes looks around, quietly asking "where the hell am I?", then stops when looking at the goddess, and screams "I don't know! I was just having tea with Reimu right now! I don't know where I am! SAVE ME!"

Kanako sighs, calming herself down just a bit, slowly lowers Marisa, then says "look, something really-"

*KA-BLOWIE!*

They are run over by Yoshika and her invisible car, and are sent flying straight to the sky, where both become stars in the distance.

The zombie girl looks to the passenger's seat, and asks "hey, did I just hit something?"

Shanghai and the cake are buckled up nicely, and the doll just coos contently before saying "no, you didn't. It's all good. Just keep driving."

"Get me away from this place," adds the cake with a high-pitched girl's voice.

Yoshika just shrugs and hits the gas, somehow driving over the rails without harming them, and continuing her merry way through the sky.

Meanwhile, inside the ghostly shrine replica, Tewi hums happily, while the naked Mima angrily says "you cheated, little rabbit!"

The girls in the extra table, save for Tewi, have lost their clothes to the evil little rabbit, and are using their hands to cover their ample chests, and are using the table to cover down below.

Tewi just chuckles happily, then says "I'm just very lucky. That's all."

At the main table, all the women there are in their bras and panties, and for some reason, all of them decided to wear small underwear that day.

So yeah, those are about to break lose.

Yukari sighs impatiently, then says "she's not coming back. And we went through all this trouble just to mess with her, and she's not even here."

Byakuren giggles, getting everyone's attention, smiles mischievously, her face becomes a lure that any man would fall for, and she softly says "say girls. Wanna make this a make-out party?"

The women all stare at the gradient-haired Youkhrist with pink cheeks, Eirin gulps, nods, and the women lean closer to each other, puck their lips as their skins are about to touch, aaaaannnnnnd-

Chibi-neko Yumemi is watching you. Always.


And so, the Palanquin is, once again, safe from the evil bats that dwell in the lower dimensions of Kuliminyaris, but that doesn't really mean things are at peace there.

Minamitsu, Nue, Kogasa, Kyouko, and Orange are currently having a heated discussion over who is a real lesbian, while Kimi, Ichirin, and Mamizou watch the heated debate from the sidelines.

The debate is halted when there's a sudden boom coming from the front of the ship, and all eyes turn toward the source of the sound.

Futo, Miko, Tojiko and Seiga stand in close formation, all holding old swords and laughing heartily, until the hermit-moe steps up to speak.

"Salutations sky-dwellers! I am Futo of the Wind, and these are my companions: Miko of the Heavens, Tojiko of the Lightning, and Seiga of the Holes! And we have come here to partake of your booty!"

Everyone's faces turn dark blue, then Miko places a hand on the shikaisen's shoulder, and sweetly says "Futo-chan, we need to talk."

While the invaders huddle, the Palanquin girls, and Kimi, huddle, and Kyouko whispers "so, what are we going to do with those perverted lesbians?"

Minamitsu looks at the yamabiko and whispers "I don't know, but we better think of something."

"Yeah. I don't want them grabbing my butt!", softly cries Ichirin in distress.

Kimi coos and grins playfully, then says "I'd like to see them try and touch me. I'll reverse roles in a heartbeat."

Even Orange has to stare at her older sister in quiet disbelief, while said pervert sighs with delight.

"I apologize! I meant to say, partake on your loot," shouts Futo from the front of the ship. "Heheh, I hath no knowledge of thine new meaning for booty."

"Um, it's alright," calls Mamizou as they all break the huddle; and then the giggling Petal falls on the tanuki's hands.

"Tee-he-he-he! Catchy nice, Lady Tail-Tail does," cheers the adorable little raven with her arms extended in the air.

Mamizou's cheeks turn pink at the sight, but before she can overload, from the end of the ship, Hourai cries "DON'T LET THEM CATCH HER!"

And that's when she notices the invading team is running after her and the adorable little youkai raven, so she runs.

Miko dashes forward and grabs Petal from the tanuki's hands, but is tripped by Ichirin's leg-sweep and the little girl flies through the air, cheering "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE~"

Minamitsu catches the little girl and takes off running toward Hourai, while the little girl cheers "tivers me shimbers! Tivers me SHIMBEEERS!"

The captain's eyes intensify, her body heats up and stiffens, her nose spews blood, and she falls face-down to the floor after throwing the happy, cheering little raven girl with the white stripe hair to the air.

Seiga catches the little girl, who quickly gives the hermit a hug, and sweetly says "smells like mama. Mmm, Petal nappy nap."

The supposedly-wicked hermit is so overwhelmed, she places Petal on a cradle, shushes all the girls around her, then whispers "awww, so cute. What an adorable little angel."

Futo leans closer to the sleeping little angel raven, chuckles softly, and whispers "she brings many warm memories to my mind-URK!"

Now she finds herself locked by the neck by the little girl's powerful grip, suppresses her out-of-breath cough, then whispers "what a... strong grip... Urgh."

The little girl yawns as she wakes up, slightly opens her eyes to see Futo's suffocated face next to hers, and she giggles softly, gives the silver-haired girl a kiss on the cheek, then whispers "onee-chan good. Safe is in keeping Petal."

And so, the girls salute Futo Mononobe for her untimely death at the hands of excessive nosebleeding (a.k.a. moe overload).

The game is back on the second Kyouko grabs the little raven girl, and makes a run for it while passing the giggling, cheering child to Orange, who tosses her back to the yamabiko.

"Woo-hoo~! Weeee~! Yahoo~! KYAA-HA-HA~!"

The cheers of the tiny girl causes every single player in the field to faint, save for Kimi, Tojiko, and Kyouko, and so the game is on.

The teal-haired girl tosses the cheering raven to the shadow dragon, and immediately falls victim of the little girl's cheer "floppy-ears-chan is LOVE!"

Kimi is disgusted, but she wants to win, so the and Tojiko continue running toward Hourai, who calls "that's it, that's it! Petal, sweetie, come to Hourai!"

The shadow woman trips, Petal screams with fright as she is flung to the air, Tojiko gasps and forcers herself to fly faster, and times slows down.

Hourai positions herself to catch the scared little girl, but she knows she's too small to do anything positive, other than getting crushed under the girl's weight, but she remains steeled, determined to do something, at least.

In one last ditch effort, the thundering ghost pushes herself forward, grabs Petal in mid-air, getting a cheer as a result, and falls on her ample chest, which works as a cushion for her fall, even if it's a painful one.

With the little girl safe, the tiny blonde in red and the green haired girl sigh with relief, then the tiny blonde says "phew. Thank you so much, Miss."

Chibi-neko Miko falls from the sky, lands head-first on Tojiko's tail, the ghost girl panics, shoots a spark of lightning from her own body, and it's done.

Petal is slightly shocked, and at first she only looks around with a frightened face, but just as the ghost girl is to calm down, the little raven takes a deep breath, and starts to cry!

Hourai rushes over and starts petting the girl on the head, while whispering "shh, shh, no, it's alright. Petal, it's alright."

Tojiko (sort of) kneels on the floor and starts bowing repeatedly, while saying "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I lost control, and, and..."

Thunder rumbles, making the skies tremble hard, and when the ghost looks up, she sees four girls with ominous white scowls for eyes.

A pathetic whimper escapes the girl, when the images of Satori, Okuu, Orin and Koishi appear before her, and just as she says "KYAAAAHH~ I'M SORRYYYY," Marisa's broom crashes on the ship's floor, breaking a hole that sinks the front of the ship, but leaves the part where Petal is, completely intact.

Somehow, the ships makes a loud splash, and the fainted girls on it scream as the crocodiles roar while enjoying a feast, all while the towering scowling girls look frightened and shiver at the sight before them, and Hourai covers Petal's curious eyes.

Out of the scene, chibi-neko Miko's evil eyes glint with malice at the chaos she just helped cause, and all because she fell from the sky.


Meanwhile, at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Remilia is having some alone time with herself, and is currently wondering why isn't there honey in her tea.

"So let me get this straight," begins the little Remilia. "Our stores were looted by a cat girl with a chainsaw-sword, wearing what you believe was a red leotard with green bows at the neck and lower back, and that's why we don't have any honey, correct?"

Sakuya bows with an apologetic face, and softly says "please, forgive me, My Lady... Ladies... er... please forgive me. By the time I subdued Patchouli, the hooligan was already gone."

Adult Remilia gives the maid a very seductive sideway glance, smiles as she slowly removes the empty teacup from her lips, and softly says "it cannot be helped. You are not at fault, Sakuya, but this transgression cannot go unpunished."

Both vampires stand from their seats, raise their hands and point upward, and both command "prepare for battle! Our target, the S.S. Glass Leotard!"

And so, Mystia the helms-bird turns the rudder right, moving the ark so that it's facing the glass-like ship, and Agava cheers out loud, and that, somehow, makes the ship move forward.

Meiling captains a cannon, Koakuma erects a barrier for Patchouli, who magically possesses the six remaining cannons, and now two large thrones with blue-haired vampires on them, rise from the floor on the highest point of the ship's deck, and both Remilias point forward, and declare "FOR THE HONEY!"

Sakuya stands besides her two mistresses, covering her bleeding nose while looking away and thinking "crap. If they ever find out I used to honey to hypnotize both and do things to their bodies without their consent, I am going to get punished badly. Uuu~ What to do?"

Meanwhile, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Mai lies naked (covered with sheets, you perverts) on an infirmary bed, looking pale and with her skin all stretched, and after a moan of pain, she sighs and says "uuuu~ I think I really overdid it this time."

From both sides, the adult and child-like Flandres say "YOU THINK?"

On the left side is the adult blonde, paler than usual, but still perfectly sexy, and naked under the bed sheets.

On the right side is the little blonde, also naked under her sheets, paler than ever, and with black rings surrounding her exhausted eyes.

The poor little girl howls, then cries "I'm not going to do that again for another hundred years. *Sob* I'm exhausted!"

Chibi-neko Ran in a light-blue leotard and nurse's cap, walks up to the moaning vampire child, injects her with pure blood, then says "drink fluids."

She walks away from the girl, who sighs and says "fine. As soon as I can walk again, I'm sucking Mai's blood."

The ice witch laughs, coughs hard, and after clearing her throat, she says "go ahead and try it. My blood tastes horrible for your kind."

Adult Flandre giggles seductively, then says "oh yes, I almost gagged when I tried it. I still loved that sweet moan of yours."

Mai's face turns red, and while chibi-neko Yumemi in a pink leotard and nurse's cap takes her blood pressure with a black blood pressure measurer, the girl says "I-I-I don't remember that, you pervert!"

The little lump-like device explodes on the neko's face, and with a cat-like smile, the little cat girl says "yup, she's fine. I'll get the suppository now," then casually walks away.

Meanwhile, chibi-neko Damien is skillfully using a massive mallet to tap the adult blonde's joints and test her reflexes, while she says "look, let's all calm down and accept we ALL did some wrong here. Mai, I'm sorry I used you to vent all my frustrations in a shower of burning passions."

The neko throws the mallet away, shrugs, and with his suave and manly voice, says "I see nothing wrong here. There should be blood and bones! How disappointing."

Mai sighs, waits a moment, then says "um, I guess I should also apologize for taking my frustrations out on you two as well. It was undignified of someone like me."

The starboard (right) wall explodes when Remilia's ark breaks through, then Damien breaks a hole from the ark with his staff, laughs when landing inside the glass ship, then shouts "ONWARD MY MINIONS! Let's teach these so-called Makaians who are the TRUE Makaians!"

A minute passes by and nothing happens, except Damien noticing he's all alone, and he's being stared at by naked girls on hospital beds.

He slowly backs away, chuckling and waving nervously at the girls, discretely opens the vortex back home behind himself, and quickly jumps inside.

Immediately after, adult Remilia jumps into the room with her new clothes in tatters, her swimsuit missing the right strap, and she desperately calls "FLAN! You gotta save me! Sakuya! She's trying to-KYAH!"

In the blink of an eye, the vampire is replaced by the shining maid with the turned-around clothes, who bows and says "my apologies for the trouble, ladies. Mistress Remilia has been a bit under the weather lately."

From under her short skirt, the child Remilia falls to the ground, unconscious and foaming at the mouth, tied up by the wrists and ankles, and with inexplicable steam covering her chest and groin areas.

Sakuya chuckles nervously, picks up the mess of a vampire, then says "er, if you'll excuse me, I have some things to do now."

She jumps back into the ark, the hole magically fixes itself, the adult Remilia can be heard screaming cutely, and the ark just flies away, as if nothing ever even happened.

The naked girls look at each other from their beds, then Mai says "seriously, this fiction needs some sort of base, or plot."

"HUNHUNHUN!" excitedly hums chibi-neko Ran while nodding extra rapidly.

Marisa's Hakkero explodes on her face, bringing down her entire house at the Forest of Magic.


Meanwhile, Budou and Phredia have found the hidden Grape Temple at the Forest of Magic, and have, of course, entered the sacred place in hopes of finding grape treasures.

"What do you mean 'turn back now'?" whispers the little bat youkai. "We only just entered, and I want to find some grape treasures!"

The little fairy sighs silently, and follows the little bat further inside, where the darkness would consume a human's sight, while for these two little girls, it's just a minor inconvenience.

Still, the little elf fairy uses her own light to illuminate their area, and so their walk isn't so dark.

As they walk by, they admire the drawings of grapes on the wall, being squished into jelly, squeezed into juice, stepped on, rolled over, baked, half-baked, and buttered with toast.

They quickly reach a large golden door that's adorned with a basket of grapes accompanied with some other fruits at the sides, and they watch as the image magically glitters the grapes with what looks like powdered sugar and honey.

Budou is drooling so much, little Phredia has to place a large bucket under the little girl, so as to save the floor from the slippery, thick substance.

The little bat flaps her wings, slurps as she wipes her mouth with her sleeve, when walks closer while saying "let's go! Grape treasure awaits us behind this door!"

She pushes the singled out grape at the bottom-right corner of the door, and it slowly opens up with a creak, revealing two girls hanging right in front of the entrance to the treasure room; one of them hanging upside down.

Yamame Kurodani, who finally makes her first appearance here, has blonde hair tied up to a bun with a brown ribbon, brown eyes, and wears a black, long-sleeved shirt under a brown dress that's tied up with a yellow band at the skirt, so as not to give free panty-shots when hanging around, and her current footwear are brown sandals with grapes on the soles.

Kisume has thick dark-teal hair tied to pigtails by white hair beads, dark green eyes, and wears what looks like a white kimono, but for all we know, she could be actually naked inside her reddish-brown bucket.

The explorer girls stare at the smiling blocking girls, then the little bat opens her mouth to speak, and the blonde spider says "welcome little explorers, to the holy temple of grapes. Today's grape treasure iiiiiissssss~"

"Grape sundae with whipped cream, mixed berry syrup, and a pitless green grape on top," softly says the little bucket girl.

"RIGHT!", cheers Yamame right before swinging to, and wrapping a friendly arm around Budou's shoulder. "Alright little girl, if you want the grape treasure, you'll have to answer three, very simple questions."

The adorable little bat looks at Phredia, then at the tentacle monster wrestling with Kisume, then at a picture of Satori in a black bikini that's hanging behind the spider youkai, then nods and says "I accept! FOR THE GRAPE TREASURE!"

Yamame twirls as she swings away from the girl with her arms extended, and cheers "ALRIGHT! That's the spirit!", all while Kisume starts eating the poor tentacle monster's right tentacle, who tries, but fails to run away from the hungry tsurube-otoshi.

The blonde spider pulls some cards from her bun, puts on a pair of thin glasses with brown frames, then asks "alright, are you ready for your first question! ?"

"YES!" spiritedly answers Budou, shaking her fists in the air with excitement.

"THAT IS CORRECT!", exclaims the blonde as she tosses the first card away.

Meanwhile, Kisume and the tentacle monster are having a romantic dinner for two at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant (now opening at noon).

Back at the Grape Temple, Yamame smiles and says "ok, the next question is a little tougher, so please focus. *Ahem* Of whom is that cute and sexy bikini poster behind me?"

Little Budou and Phredia stare at Satori's bikini poster, narrow their eyes and hum while they rub their chins while in thought, the bat whispers "man, that Satori poster has me confused...", then, after thinking hard about it, she hesitantly says "th-that's, um, Satori Komeiji!"

"DING-DING-DING-DING! That is correct!", excitedly exclaims the blonde, who quickly swings to the poster, gives it a hug, a kiss, and softly says "she's just so cute! Ahh, Satori-chan is so cute..."

Meanwhile, Kisume is warmly meeting the tentacle monster's parents, while the hero in green tunic is battling octopuses in the distance, and the raccoon plumber in the red cap is fighting with Mamizou.

Back at the temple, Yamame blushes when she realizes what she's doing, slowly releases the poster to swing back to Budou, clears her throat, then says "um, alright, forget you saw that and let's move on to the last question."

The little teal haired girl's determination shines brightly through her eyes, while Phredia silently cheers her on from a bit of a distance, shaking some pom-poms and shaking her short-skirted hips around.

The blonde spider youkai grins mischievously, then asks "alright then, here it is! How can I make my breasts grow to a more succulent size! ?"

Though the bat girl smiles, her face is that of a dark and ominous child ready to destroy an unsuspecting soul through vile words, and answers "gramma Ayalina says 'to grow big boobs, you have to eat sweets, fondle yourself, stop whining while I'm talking, you flat-chested loli, and to at least use three toys on yourself while nobody's watching twice daily."

The spider girl writes down everything she can, as fast as she can, almost causing friction burns on her notepad, then quickly hides it when she's done, looks at the little Budou and her innocent smiling face, and says "um, right! Y-you won the sundae! C... CONGRATULATIONS!"

The little bat youkai squeals with delight, jumps twice in place, then takes off after her prize.

"BUT WAIT," exclaims Yamame, causing the bat to stop abruptly, then says "if you want extra-sweet sprinkles and honey on that, answer one final, bonus question!"

"DO IT!", exclaims the little bat while an intense purple aura surrounds her little body and drool falls from her mouth like a waterfall.

The spider is almost blown by the intensity of Budou's aura, but manages to stay close, slowly opens her eyes and removes her hands from her face when things seem safe, then, after noticing the dangerously intense aura around the bat, she rapidly asks "whoa! Er, Wh-what is Sanae's most devastatingly, mind-controlling outfit for Ail! ?"

Both Budou and Phredia lift their left eyebrows after hearing the question, the little bat starts to chortle, trying to hold back her laughter, then says "it's mama's bikini! HAHAHAHAHA Papa's such a pervert!"

Somewhere in Gensokyo's skies, Budou's words reach Ail and stab him right through his heart, making him yelp out loud and knocking him to the ground below.

Back at the temple, Budou, Phredia, Yamame, Kisume, the tentacle monster, and the chibi-nekos Sanae, Miko, Yumemi, Damien and Ran, are all enjoying a large cup of grape sundae each.

"Mmmm~ This is so good," gleefully exclaims the little bat while rapidly flapping her wings after putting a spoonful of sundae in her mouth.

The black-haired neko slurps the last of his sundae right from the cup in a manly way, then looks around, and with his manly and suave voice, says "there is only one thing that will make this a perfect ending."

"HUN-HUN-HUN!" excitedly hums chibi-neko Ran while pushing the red button on a brown remote she just happened to have on her hands.

After the button is pressed, the green-haired neko sighs and swoons "oh, what a marvelous thing! Now we go back to the restaurant, and wait."

The S.S. In Your Face Murasa has caught fire, and the girls are doing their best to douse the flames, and have totally forgotten that the auto-pilot is ALSO burning, so their ship is headed straight for the Scarlet Demon Ark.

They crash on the portside (left) of the ark, almost splitting it in two, and while four vampires, a human, a magician, a demon, and a dragon youkai scatter around the deck, screaming like idiots, the ark and bamboo ships head straight for the Palanquin, crashing it from the back.

That large vessel quickly spins around the air and moves closer to the Unnamed Ghost Ship, where Yuyuko shouts "I NEED TO USE THE TOILET!", just before the spinning ship tears the ghostly ship to pieces, then makes its way toward the S.S. Glass Leotard.

Shinki watches hopelessly as that massive ship spins its way towards hers, Yumeko and Yuki walk beside her, and she smiles dearly at her daughters before saying "I am really thinking this pirating shit isn't worth it."

"Lady Shinki!", gasps the blonde maid in a leotard in disbelief. "That's not a proper thing to say for a woman of your stature!"

"You have to admit this is still fun," casually adds the leotard-clad fire witch, totally ignoring her also-blonde sister.

And so, the explosion caused by the ships when they crash blinds everyone, even Kotohime, whom quickly puts on sunglasses while she tickles the bikini-clad Marisa's feet while inside the prison.

Said witch cries for mercy and tries to free herself, but the chains holding her wrists and ankles five feet off the floor hold her tight, preventing her merciful escape.

And so, we are all part of the great circle of life.


That night, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, instead of coffee tables and bar stools, the place is filled with hospital beds and medical equipment.

The chibi-nekos are still working the register, and are charging each wounded girl that enters through that door, so that they can be attended by Eirin, Toyohime, and Reisen, though nobody can seem to recognize the bunny-eared girl.

Mystia is currently behind the counter, rubbing her forehead while sighing, then asks "so... how exactly did these girls get so badly busted up like his?"

Eirin, who has a medical mask and light-green gloves on while rearranging Youmu's legs and back, stops for a moment and says "because, as hilarious as watching ships crashing in mid-air is, it is still a very dangerous matter. They are LUCKY to be demons and youkai, though. Getting buried under tons of wood is not something a human could survive."

"But what about us?" grunts Maribel from her bed, while pointing at Renko, then Yumemi, then Chiyuri, and then, for some strange and inexplicable reason, Marisa, who lies moaning on one of the beds with a splintered bump on her forehead.

The blonde blinks twice, then asks "how come we are all alive? After all, we are only human."

Toyohime giggles playfully, then says "well that's because this is a gag fiction. No matter how badly some readers may want it, the laws of physics, common sense, logic, and mental sanity are instantly null and void in this story. Isn't it wonderful?"

The silver haired Lunarian removes her mask and gloves, smiles contently as she adds "that's true. Right now, I could flip this page, and every single injured girl will be cured in an instant. Buuuuut~ If I did that, it would be bad for business."

"U-fu-fu-fu-fu. ...A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA~!"

Both rabbit girl and sandy-blonde alien , along with everyone else who heard that, stare with fear and disbelief at the heartless doctor currently cackling like a mad scientist.

Eirin suddenly stops her evil laughter, bends over as though in pain, spasms twice while looking around, as though having seen a ghost, or something, then, with a frightened voice, she says "dammit, it can't be! Th... they're here!"

"Who's here, Master?", asks Reisen.

The woman in red and blue stares at the sexy bunny for a moment, then asks "who the hell are you? And why are you calling me 'Master'?"

Ail and Rika, both with their blood limits active and fully energized, BURST through the restaurant doors, looking both disgusted and disappointed, and quickly walk inside.

Before the Lunarian pharmacist can take out her bow and arrows, both Remilias, which are conveniently placed besides her, grab an arm, pull her down, and now disturbing cracks and screams fill the room, but are completely ignored.

Meanwhile, the winged duo keep walking around the beds, and while the boy heals the girls with a mere touch of his ethereal dragon wings, the girl spreads her hands around and heals all with the mint-green, healing magic sparks emanating from her hands.

Once all the girls are healed, Ail and Rika walk toward Eirin, stare at the poor, dislocated in several places doctor, then the angelic maid says "don't worry. We will heal you. Just remember..."

"Money can never give you the happiness you so desperately need," finishes the boy, before he and the maid bend down, and give the nurse a warm hug, making her cry tears of blood, while saying "they're hitting me with love. It's so illogical! I-it's good... but I can't understand it!"

Suddenly, the donation box at the Moriya Shrine explodes, down at the underground, Yuugi's horn grows muscles, THEN explodes, Nitori's swimsuit grows a pair of water balls on the chest, and then Futo's kitchen explodes.

Okuu, whom flies above in the night sky with several detonators on her hand, looks down at the smoke rising from several spots, happy that she did a good job, then says to herself "I'm so glad I stuck around here."

She starts looking around, squints her eyes, then suddenly screams "BUT I'M NIGHT BLIIIIIIIIIIND!"


To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Budou, Phredia, Agava, and Ayalina were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All references belong to their due owners

Don't feed Eirin's zombie rabbits

APR 14 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.


A/N:

What can I say about this chapter? I wrote this without writing prior notes. As such... I really don't know what I have written here. Every time I read it over, I come up with the conclusion that my perverted imagination doesn't know what common sense is. I like that. THIS is what real life should be like. Wanna get healed? Flip a page. Wanna go somewhere, just think of it, and you're there. Wait, what does THAT have to do with this chapter? And why am I so hungry after reading the pizza tower mishap again?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed this evil and vile chapter. Take care, and I hope you still have functioning brains after reading this.