It is a lovely morning in Gensokyo, and at the Scarlet Demon Ark, girls from all over the ships are gathering for a most important meeting.

There is Sakuya, adults Remilia and Flandre, and child Flandre, Byakuren and Minamitsu, Chiyuri and Yumemi, Kimi, Yuyuko, Youmu and Merlin, Shinki, Yuki and Mai, Reimu, Rika, Sanae, and Budou, amongst other guests that will remain in the background, blinking and breathing.

They are all inside a well-lit and overly large gathering room with white-clothed tables that have a lot of food on them, and all these tables surround the 'one large brown round' (say that 10 times fast) table where the girls I mentioned before have gathered.

Adult Remilia elegantly and softly taps her wine glass with her silver spoon several times, the murmuring girls stop talking, and pay attention to the sexy charisma vampire in the sexy attire.

The woman elegantly glances around, softly clears her throat, then begins her speech.

"Girls, I have called this important meeting for a very *shudders* disturbing announcement."

She plucks a soft-cover book from between her ample jiggling breasts, and tosses it in the middle of the table, opened at a specific page where there is a picture of Satori Komeiji.

"Hmm... I don't get it," says Chiyuri. "You called us out here to show us a picture of that cute mind reader? That's hardly important."

The adult Flandre furiously points at the book, making her glorious pearls jiggle, and says "take a closer look. This is serious!"

The girls stare at the book with outmost interest, then Reimu suddenly yelps, lightly taps her fist on her left hand, then coos and hums while moving her hands around her chest.

The adult Remilia nods, then says "it is just as you say, Reimu..."

"But she didn't say anything," whispers Minamitsu to Byakuren, who shrugs and shakes her head while adopting a quizzical look.

The vampire continues, raising her voice more dramatically as she says "Satori's new official picture has been drawn... and she. has! BOOBS!"

Gasps are quickly followed by an uproar of shocked girls, and the light-blue haired woman raises her voice, causing her chest to bounce, to add "not just that, but she's a C CUP; B for westerners; and she writes PSYCHOLOGY BOOKS!"

The chocked muttering and gasps get louder, though most comments are about the chest, rather than the book-writing, then slowly the voices lower as the adult Remilia lifts her wings and slowly retracts them.

Once the room is quiet again, Sakuya scoffs and says "those are pads. Nobody can hide their breasts like that for so many years without them slipping out at least once or twice."

The young Flandre looks offended toward the chief maid's chest, then at her face, and says "you really went there. You actually went there and used that old joke. I'm going to make you kyuu, I swear. That was just disgusting, Izayoi."

Chiyuri grabs the book, stares at Satori's picture from up close, her face flushes, then she places the book on the table again and says "I see no problem here. Nope. No problem at all," and just after saying that, a trickle of blood drips from her nose.

Yumemi smacks the back of the blonde's head, and angrily says "you better not be thinking what I THINK you are thinking," then squeezes the face of her subordinate between her own breasts and says "I want you thinking of THESE, and NOT those loli boobs!"

Rika strikes the table with her hand, then sweetly, yet sternly says "please show more respect to Miss Satori! She is still a respectable youkai of the Touhou series, regardless of her chest size!"

Sanae covers Budou's ears and eyes, while said bat youkai giggles out loud, then says "can we please move this conversation along? This little one is learning things at a very rapid pace."

Yuyuko pats the green-haired shrine maiden on the head, then says "Youmu, please help move this conversation along, and cover your ears. You are too young to be hearing this sort of conversation as well."

Kimi points at the half ghost, making her boobs bounce, and with her worst troll face on, she says "ha ha haa. What a little mama's girl."

Merlin joins the shadow dragon in pointing and laughing at the swordswoman, causing her own chest to bounce, and says "you should see her when she thinks she's all alone. She does such cute things."

The poor gardener wants nothing more than to throttle those two girls with her sword, but just sighs and ignores her dialogue before walking away, and hiding between the background characters.

Shinki stands up, picks the book up before Chiyuri's blood and drool stain it, then stares at it while saying "ladies, this was just an artist mistake! This is not our dad's artwork, and thus is not official!"

Several girls gasp and complain, then Yuki says "THAT'S RIGHT! You listen to Lady Shinki! She's a pretty and powerful goddess!"

Mai scratches her sister's head, throws a tiny cookie the girl catches in mid-air, then says "well done my dear Yuki. Well said. And I agree with Lady Shinki. That's not dad's art, so I say it is NOT official, therefore, it's fake!"

The girls in the foreground and the background start nodding and muttering positively, then a blue gap opens up right behind Mai.

Ail flies out of the gap, helps Satori out of it and on to the table, Orin and Okuu, both looking uncharacteristically serious, fly after Satori, the boy takes Budou, invites Sanae into his gap, then looks at the mind reader and says "it's all up to you now, my friend. Teach these doubters a lesson."

The pink haired girl turns around and softly thanks the boy, waits for his gap to close, then looks around at the girls.

She grabs her third eye, takes a deep breath, then pulls it slightly forward, and all her clothes fall off her like if they were never even on her in the first place.

Since this fic is rated "T", Okuu and Orin turn to chibis, and both hold a "CENSORED" sign in front of Satori's good spots, and so as not to allow you, the readers, to imagine this, imagine that Nitori is staring into your soul with those cute blue eyes of hers this very moment.

The mind reader shifts her hips and extends her arms, then a bright light starts shining from behind her as she flips her middle finger around, and says "take this, you ***** doubters! Gaze at my curvy body, be jealous of my perfect female figure, which I've hidden for far too long, and take your ***** ***** ****** tongues and shove them up your **** ****** ****."

The gathering girls, save for Reimu and Rika, whom have been given sunglasses, marvel as they are blinded by the light Satori emanates.

Meanwhile, down at Chireiden, Koishi hums an innocent tune as she wanders around the corridors of the palace.

She suddenly gasps and tenses up, her third eye opens up widely, she starts to drool, then screams to the air "NOOOOOOOOOO~! THAT WAS MY PRIVATE LICKING FUUUUUUNNNNNNN~!"

Back at the ark, Chiyuri has knocked Yumemi unconscious, is panting thick steam clouds, and is just about to jump on the table to eat some Komeiji, but instead, she gets a small whirlwind to the face.

Aya jumps from the background, grabs the naked Satori, holds her princess style, points her maple fan at the blonde captain, and shouts "she's MINE you pathetic human. MINE!"

She shoots another whirlwind that breaks a hole on the ceiling, which leads directly outside, then takes flight with the screaming, naked mind reader, and declares "ON TO THE LEMON WITH MY SATORI-CHAN! WAHAHAHAHA~"

Moments after everything settles down, Minamitsu spots her article on the book, turns the book around to see who's the author, then ominously whispers "damn you, Akyuu Hieda."


Akyuu releases a vulgar sneeze that blows away all the scrolls and papers in front of her, and all she does about it is rub under her nose with her index finger and say "*sniffle* s'cuse me."

Akyuu Hieda is a young girl with short purple hair she adorns with a pink flower that matches her long yellow sleeves, has purple eyes, and wears a green vest, and a dark red skirt.

Behind her is a young woman with brown hair made into a bun, held by a long brass pin, and is wearing a standard white kimono, though hers happens to have the sewn image of Akyuu on the left breast, unlike the rest of the servants.

That brown haired servant behind her suddenly jumps on the child of Miare, rubs her face against her mistress' back, and cries "My Lady, you have a cold! Here, let me warm you up-urgh!"

The moment that perverted woman starts rubbing the girl's chest, Akyuu's smile becomes dangerously ominous as she delivers a hard palm of painful justice against the pervert's chin, knocking her out in the process.

"Minako~, we've talked about this. No more trying to seduce me, or..."

Akyuu's usually sweet voice becomes dark, cold and ominous as she says "...you'll be sent to work as a guard against that certain evil green haired spirit that wants to enter my mansion."

The servant girl sweats, her face turns blue, then black, and almost chocking out of fear, she manages to say "r-right. Sorry, My Lady Akyuu. I-it won't happen again. PLEASE SPARE ME!"

The little girl continues smiling as she gestures her hand toward the exit, and after a rapid bow and a pathetic "thank you," the perverted servant is out of the room, and inside the kitchen in five seconds.

The purple haired chronicler sighs, stretches out, moaning contently as she does, then says "I think-"

A wave of flashy water appears on the left, traps the screaming Akyuu, takes her to the right, then it crashes against the wall and sends the girl out the window.

She groans as she slowly lifts her head off the tasty ground, spits out some icky dirt, then opens her eyes and wishes she hadn't.

Instead of being in her mansion's ground, she finds herself at an oasis in the middle of a desert, where an angry sun glares at her and seems to want to flip her off, though it can't, and just grits its orange teeth for her to see.

She jumps back on her feet, gasping in surprise at the sight before her, walks backward until her back hits a tree, and while looking around, she nervously asks "where am I? Where's my mansion?"

A coconut falls on her head, knocking her out with one nasty steaming bump on the back of her head, then a little sparrow flies by, lands on her neck, stares at the bump, then pecks it, making it explode with nuclear force.

Akyuu wakes up with a gasp at the front yard of her mansion, spits out glorious grass from her mouth, then frantically looks around, sighs, and says to herself "phew! Just a dream! Man, I'm going to have to lay off the devil cakes."

She stands up, walks to her study, opens the door, takes a step inside, and falls into a square hole that's too dark to see what's inside.

As she screams and falls, she is greeted by a skeleton with a smile, Komachi on a nice boat, chibi neko Ran, nodding while humming "HUN-HUN-HUN," and a pink thong that elegantly says "how do you do," before walking off to the right.

She finally falls inside a futon, grunting a bit after her body lands so violently in the warming goodness, then she starts breathing through her mouth before nervously asking "WHAT'S GOING ON! ?"

Her brown haired servant pops her head from underneath the futon, and both girls stare into each others' eyes.

One minute they are looking at each other, the perverted servant even smiles sweetly, the next, Akyuu is running like her life is depending on it, crying and calling for help, while the lolicon servant with hearts all around her head and bleeding through her nose, says "come on~, it's going to be fun, I promise! Don't ruuuuun!"

The child of Miare runs even faster, and shouts "what's going on? Why is so much misfortune upon me! I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN THAT HINA GI-"

She gasps and covers her mouth, then says "oh no, I've said her name! CRAAAAAAP! And stay away from me, you damned lolicon!"

"JUST A SMOOCH!", screams the perverted servant as she gets closer to her prey and master, and adds "besides, you're eighteen. YOU'RE LEGAL!"


Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, Kasen Ibaraki, who was mentioned, but not described in Chapter 9, walks over to Kyouko and Orange, waving as she happily greets them from a distance.

The sexy hermit has thick, shoulder-length pink hair she adorns with a pair of Chinese buns, red eyes, her right arms is covered in bandages, and wears a white shirt and a green skirt under a brown panel, and has a rose just below the collar, in the center of those ample pearls of hers.

She also has shackles around her left wrist, and wears a pair of black slippers, but are we even looking at those anymore?

The pink haired girl approaches the orange one, and asks "hey, is Byakuren around? I wish to inquire her about Reimu."

"Nope, sorry, she's out," bluntly replies the youkai girl, while the yamabiko continues sweeping the deck, as though ignoring the girls.

Kasen holds her chin with her right hand while looking around, and says "what a shame. I wanted to ask her why Reimu is acting so out of character lately. You know, quiet all the time, always happy, sweet, never getting mad, crying a lot. It's just strange. I'm worried."

Orange smiles, and casually says "that's because of Willie G.R., who is borrowing Reimu's character from 'Touhou Diaries', by Sora no Amagumo."

The hermit girl raises an eyebrow, then asks "Willie... Geeare? Reimu's got a boyfriend?"

The two youkai girl drop on the ground and bang on the floor as they laugh hysterically, Kyouko saying "HAHAHAHAHA! As if Reimu's got such bad taste," and Orange shouting "BWAHAHAHAH! Willie WISHES he were that lucky! Can't even get a date to the SUPERMARKET!"

I am seriously going to get back at those two little bitches for this, but for now...

The girls suddenly stand up and resume their original poses, then Orange causally says "um, no, anyways, if you want to wait for her, you're welcome aboard. Now, if you'll please excuse me, I suddenly remembered I have to do something elsewhere, so I'll leave you and Kyouko alone. Please excuse me."

And with that, the EVIL orange haired girl leaves to the bowels of the ship.

A few minutes pass by, and Kyouko seems to ignore Kasen's presence, and even starts humming sutras as she diligently sweeps that deck.

The pink haired girl starts moving her hips around at the rhythm of the yamabiko's humming, then looks at the teal haired girl.

She gasps softly when she notices those cute large ears are flicking suddenly, then her cheeks turn a bit pink after staring at the youkai girl for long enough.

She reaches for the girl's head with her right hand, and Kyouko yelps a little when that hand lands on her crown, but quickly relaxes, smiles blissfully, and literally melts under the hermit's gentle head rubbing.

Before she drops on her knees, she finds herself trapped in the warm and soft embrace of the well endowed hermit, but before she panics, Kasen starts rubbing her ears, which melts the yamabiko in her arms immediately.

Kyouko's goofy, blissful smile and content moans make Ibara giggle and blush a little harder, and then she feels something long and rather hard moving around her stomach.

Her face flushes and she stops rubbing the girl's head, then lightly pushes her away, asking "what is this thing?"

That's when she notices something brown, furry and long hiding underneath the yamabiko's dress at the back, and smiles.

Kyouko sighs after her bliss is lifted, then asks "aww, why did you sto-KYAAAAH!"

Kasen coos while Kyouko falls on the ground, blushing bright red and shivering fiercely, while said hermit holds her tail and lightly rubs it while gently holding it.

"Aww, little yamabiko, why do you hide your cute little tail like that? Don't you know it makes you look even cuter?"

The teal haired girl with the blushing face yelps, moans, tries to speak, but seems to be moaning incoherently, then finally manages to compose herself and says "I~I~yah. Mnh! No. I-it's, hah, embarrassing."

The sexy pink haired girl giggles, releases the youkai's tail, and says "alright, tee-hee. I won't tease you anymo-*CLANG!*"

A light-blue washtub falls on the hermit's head, but instead of falling unconscious, the girl springs back on her feet, and moans as she stumbles around the deck, looking like some sort of zombie hermit looking for brains.

Kyouko recovers, sits on her butt, takes a deep breath, then screams "I WAS JUST MOLESTED BY A VERY SEXY LEBIAAAAAAAAAN~"

Orange suddenly appears to the yamabiko's right, scribbling on her notepad while saying "uh-huh uh-huh. Fascinating. Any other details you might like to add?"

"Ayayayaya~ What an awesome scoop," exclaims Aya as she scribbles on her notepad faster than Orange can. "Seemingly harmless hermit molests cute and edible yamabiko youkai! This is great front page material!"

"AYA-CHAN!" exclaims Satori on the deck.

All eyes go to the mind reader, whom has been trapped in a dizzy dance by the zombie hermit, whom continues to moan and stumble around with her hands interlocked with the satori youkai's.

The tengu's head starts releasing hot steam of rage, and sounding totally out of character, the furiously demands "HEY, LET GO OF MY SATORI-CHAN THIS INSTANT, YOU PERVERTED MOLESTING HERMIT LESBIAN!"

The purple haired girl tries to break free from the pink haired girl's interlocking fingers, but finds it impossible to do so, and now they are seemingly dancing their way to the starboard (right) side rails.

"Kyaaaah! Aya-chan, help!" calls the mind reader, but it's already too late, and the girls tumble over the rails.

The tengu girls holds Satori above Kyouko and Orange princess style, and angrily says "don't worry, I switched you with another. Now come, I promised we'd make a lemon, and for Kanako's sake, we ARE making that lemon!"

As they fly away, the flushed mind reader says "please be gentle with me," and gives the tengu girl a kiss on the cheek, making her shudder happily with a very red face.

Kyouko and Orange stare at the girls as they fly away, then scream like excited little school girls, the yamabiko saying "ohmygods, ohmygods! Honest lesbians!", and the orange youkai says "oh, this is SO going into the notepad!"

Meanwile, Kasen and Akyuu fall head-first to the ground below, the latter screaming "BUT I CAN'T FLYYYYYYY~", and the former sighing and saying "I really misbehaved back there."

They make a loud splash, then scream as crocodiles growl excitedly, content that some food has fallen in their... clouds? Err, let's move along.


Meanwhile, somewhere at the Youkai Mountain, Futo Mononobe is walking down a rocky path, wondering why things have changed so much, and why she can't get used to the new world after resurrecting.

"But that young man commented on that confounded new apple peeler. Ugh, if I could only accustom mine self to these new technologies... uuu~"

She's so busy arguing with herself over her being so stuck on old-fashioned things and customs, she doesn't realize she has fallen into a sneaky little trap.

She's now at a peaceful clearing where there's a tree trunk waiting for her to sit there, and she does so, intent on meditating, saying to herself "just clear your mind, Mononobe. Meditation will clear these clouds and doubts."

She closes her eyes, extends her arms, crosses her legs under her skirt, then a little shadow starts sneaking around, excited about something.

The hermit moe opens her right eye to look around, but quickly closes it and resumes her meditation, while whatever is out there starts to giggle mischievously.

Futo jumps from the trunk, lands on her feet, crushing Akyuu under her shoes, who shouts "augh! Get off me! You're heavy," and looks around as though there is nothing underneath her.

Mononobe breathes hard and fast through her mouth while nervously looking around, and demands "who is out there? Show thine self!", while at the same time, the chronicler coughs and groans before grunting "my lungs, *cough* I can't breathe, *gasp* you fat cow."

The hidden girl giggles again, making the hermit's heart beat faster and harder, as well as stomp her feet harder and crushier.

Futo starts to whimper when the sounds of the hidden girl start echoing all around her, while Akyuu groans and complains "you grey haired coward, I can't feel my legs."

The cute hermit quickly reaches for Akyuu's legs, holds her like a baseball bat, and exclaims "whomever hides in the shadows, heed my words! I hold a human in mine hands, and I'm NOT afraid to use it!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, YOU STUPID ZOMBIE HERMIT! ?" furiously screams the human girl at the top of her lungs.

Wind blows past the shikaisen's right, a thin leave brushes against her hip, and screaming like a terrorized little child, she swings the screaming chronicler with all her might, sending that girl flying sky-high and screaming "I CAN'T FLY DAMIIIIIIT AAAALLLL!"

Akyuu flies straight toward a giant eagle, crashes against it, and is now safely riding it back home, while Kasen falls to the painful ground below, screaming "but I wasn't even in this sceeeeeeeene!"

After the loud boom of the sexy hermit's crash, the hermit moe hyperventilates while looking around, still searching for that hiding entity.

A girl walks over to Futo from behind, pokes her right shoulder twice, and when the terrorized shikaisen turns around, her eyes meet Kogasa and her eggplant colors umbrella; all three eyes staring at her rather friendly-like.

"BOO! Are you surprised, huh? HUH?" excitedly asks the adorably and unfairly cute karakasa.

The hermit moe's eyes lose focus as they expand, her face turns white, then blue, then black, tears start welling up under her eyes, then she takes flight, screaming at the top of her lungs, shooting fire danmaku at the new youkai moe, all while screaming "DISGUSTINGLY ADORABLE YOUKAIIII! SHE'S TOO CUTE! IT'S TERRIFYING! GET HER AWAY, GET HER AWAAAAAAYYY!"

Poor Kogasa is singed all over, her umbrella is sharing the same fate, her hair is burned and messed, her face is dirty with soot, yet she slurps and smiles while rubbing her belly, and sinisterly whispers "we found a really big scaredy chicken, karakasa."

She takes a step forward, falls through a hole, her scream gets fainter by the second, then Hina spins by, closing the hole as she moves over it, and happily says "my, how unfortunate."


Meanwhile, at the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, at a hidden hut at the farthest reaches of the forest, Aya and Satori prepare for the sweaty fun they are going to have, though the mind reader is extremely nervous, and keeps asking "are you sure it's safe here?"

"Of course it is, of course it is~" seductively replies Aya for the sixth time.

Unknown to them, there is a very perverted blonde lurking about, holding a gun on her hand, and waiting for the right moment to strike.

Chiyuri looks back at some specific point, lifts her gun, then whispers "aw calm down. This thing only shoots danmaku anyway."

She turns her attention back inside the hut when the tengu and mind reader seem to be getting ready, so it's time to make her move.

She enters through the front door as quietly as a mouse, tip-toes her way to the room with the large sign that reads 'They are in here you stalker lesbian, now go get 'er!', then stands with her back against the wall to the right of the door, and places her free hand on the knob.

She turns the knob, kicks the door open, points her gun inside, and shouts "nobody hump! This is a bust!"

"SURPRIIIIIIII-iieeehhh?"

Inside the room are Maribel, Renko, Agava, Mima, and Orin, and behind them is a large sign that says 'Congratulations Dear Patchouli', a long table with a cake, some sweets, bottles of sake, and a glass pot with hot coffee.

Maribel stares at Chiyuri, and asks "captain, why did you ruin our surprise party for Miss Patchouli?"

The blonde girl with white disks for eyes just stares, then says "wait, I thought that Aya reporter and that sexy Satori were in this room!"

All the girls point to the right, and Renko says "no, they are in the next room. Now please close the door. We have to surprise Patchouli. Flandre promised she would love us all day and night if we failed."

A whooshing gust of wind blows by, Chiyuri slowly closes the door, and reads the new sign on it that reads 'Hahahaha, you fell for it, usa. Anyways, take that door they told you, and go get that girl. By the way, reading this costs a thousand yen, so pay up.'

The captain wannabe shoots the sign several times until said sign is a pile of ashes and her gun starts to steam, she blows on the barrel when she's done, and mutters "I'm having rabbit stew tonight," then walks over to the correct door.

She presses her back against the wall to the left of the door, grabs the knob, kicks the door open with a loud bang, starts shooting all over the room, blasting Aya to the ground, then shouts "NOBODY MOVE, OR I'LL SHOOT!"

"...Ah," is all that she says when she sees the tengu lying on her face on the floor in her underwear (white bras and pink panties), and the mind reader frightened on the bed, covering herself with the sheets and wearing a light-blue sleep dress with a cute pair of light-blue crow-print panties.

The purple haired girl looks with fright at the psycho blonde, and shouts "hey, don't threaten people AFTER you've killed them! Wait, what am I even saying?"

Satori jumps off the bed, glowering at the blonde, pokes the offender's chest with her finger, and angrily says "you hurt Aya-chan, you little perverted creep! I'm going to punish you for that!"

She raises her fist at the indifferent girl, then shouts "get ready to feel the pain, you stupid human!"

Outside the room, the door, floors and walls rattle violently along the sound of smacking and popping, skin striking skin, girls grunting and yelping, and finally there's a loud thud, and the sound of hands being clapped together.

Chiyuri dusts her hands several times, picks up the dizzy Satori from the floor, and after placing her over her shoulder, she says "now be quiet. You are MINE now, you sexy youkai girl."

"Ooh, you're pretty light, you sexy thing," softly adds the blonde as she reaches for the door.

She opens that door with a smile, patting her semi-conscious prize on the butt, takes a step forward, then stops.

In front of her stands Petal, whom holds a crude drawing of Satori being happy in front of her mansion, and says "Shatori-shama not you? Petal good making pictures, happy, happy Shatori-shama-love."

With her cutest smile, closed eyes, blush stickers on her cheeks, and with a soul-melting giggle, she raises the drawing, which the mind reader sees through Chiyuri's mind, revives, and says "aww, that's so sweet, Petal-chan. You are such a good girl. And you colored inside the lines too."

The captain wannabe's eyes glow with moe intensity, and a bit of blood trickles down from her nose and on to her lip as she looks down at the adorably adorable youkai in front of her.

Knowing what's going on, the troll-faced satori youkai says "say, Petal, I want you to meet Miss Chiyuri. Say hi to Miss Chiyuri, Petal-chan~"

The little girl in blue plaids grabs her right wing under her cape and covers herself up with it, crouches on the ground where she starts to whimper while shaking a bit, then glances upward, her adorable, sparkly little navy-blue eyes stretching out to look like puppy eyes, then she nervously whispers "but I'm Petal shy. Tee-he-he."

It is hard to say exactly when, but Chiyuri now lies on the floor on her back with a blank look on her intense and happy face, and streams of blood gushing down her nose.

The shaky Satori manages to kneel while weakly saying "go-good job, P-Petal, sweetie," then looks at the little girl, smiling and with a nose dripping quite a bit of blood.

The little hell raven's shadow runs with her arms extended toward her master, gives her a tight hug around the neck, and says "Shatori-shama-love lookie good. Pretty, pretty Shatori-chan in dresses!"

The mind reader falls victim of moe overload, while the little girl claps and cheers happily, then the purple-hooded Patchouli peeks her unfriendly face through the open door, and says "get a room."

Petal gasps, drops on her knees, starts to cry, and the Ancient City at the underground explodes.

Yuugi just drinks her sake and smiles while looking at the nuclear fire that's consuming all, and cheers "HELL YEAH! Now THAT'S a party!"

The screaming Parsee is nowhere to be found...


On the last chapter, Akyuu found herself trapped in the S.S. Glass Leotard, and is currently wearing a green sleeveless and legless leotard, a pair of pink socks, and for some odd reason, she was even holding on to a rhythmic gymnastics ribbon while in her room (cell?).

She thought of running away, and succeeded in reaching the deck, but she has been captured by Yuki, and now awaits the torture that is to befall her for her attempts of escape.

"Hey, that never happened!", angrily exclaims Yumeko while looking at the explanation above.

Shinki just giggles and signals her servant to calm down with a hand gesture, and says "don't worry Yumeko-chan, it's alright. Now hand me to pliers so that I may loosen this girl's tongue!"

Akyuu yelps and cries "but why! ? I don't even know how I got here in the first place!"

Yuki hugs the girl tight and rubs her head like one would a pet, while contently saying "aww, she's such a cute little thing! And her breasts are as generous as my own, so I'm not jealous at all."

The chronicler trapped in the embrace turns pale, while her face turns navy blue, and in a terrified undertone she says "another damned lolicon."

Meanwhile, Shinki is handed a pair of eyelash pliers and starts plucking her eyelashes in front of a small mirror, then suddenly smashes the chrome pliers on the floor and says "that's NOT what I meant!"

She looks disappointed at her maid and says "don't pull a 'Bomber Grape' on me, and give me that thing that goes 'VRRRRRRRRRRRR' and vibrates a lot!"

The blonde maid's face twists with disgust as many images run through her mind, yet she obediently rummages in her treasure chest for the desired item of the vibrating type.

In front of them, Akyuu constantly punches Yuki on the head, while said fire witch is contently rubbing her cheeks against the chronicler's generous chest, and moaning contently while hugging that girl harder.

Meanwhile, down at the Hakurei Shrine, Kasen holds Reimu by her shoulders and shakes her violently while demanding "start acting like your old self!"

She lets go of the shrine maiden, letting her wobble around while in a daze, and lifts her right index finger while saying "acting all sweet and bubbly so suddenly is not healthy for you. You need to go back to who you were and vent out all that negative air that was around you! After that, you may return to this new and improved self."

Reimu composes herself by shaking her head a bit, looks at the hermit, tilts her head right, then smiles while offering cookies on a plate.

Kasen sighs, face palms, holds the bridge of her nose, and looks down while saying "it's alright, you know I don't need to eat. Thanks for the gesture though."

At the same time, she thinks "oh by the GODS, she's so cute! I almost lost it there. Alright Kasen, hold it together! You have to help her. You have to help Reimu."

She feels a very gentle hand on her head, so she lifts her face to meet the shrine maiden's, which is just two inches away and showing an adorably cute and warm smile while rubbing the hermit's head.

Back at the glass-like ship, Shinki cheers with delight after Yumeko hands her a large white cylindrical machine with a large coated head, and quickly turns it on and exclaims "excellent! Let the torturing being!"

Yuki quickly forces Akyuu face down on the floor, sadly saying "sorry, but I can't go against Lady Shinki," while said goddess slowly approaches the nervous chronicler, saying "gonna make you feel good~!"

The purple haired girl's face twists as she grits her teeth, her eyes bulge, her hair stands on end, and she cries "no, no, wait! I'm not ready for this! I'm too young and smart! Someone call my lawyer!"

The questionable, vibrating, white magic rod rumbles as it makes contact with the terrified chronicler, and her face immediately shows undeniable bliss, her entire body relaxes in an instant, and she moans contently as she lets her flushing face hit the floor.

"Mmm~ Oh yes, I think I'm going to get addicted to this," contently moans the girl, while Yuki looks at her with a raised eyebrow.

Shinki is pushing the vibrating machine all over Akyuu's bare back, focusing on the spine, and with a sinister tone, she whispers "there, you like that, huh? Beg for mercy and I might concede."

The sexy fire witch stares at her mother with seemingly calm black stripes for eyes and a cat-like mouth, and says "um, mom, I think she's really enjoying it. You know. Just sayin'. It's not a torture."

"Mmmm~ Please, more to the right. And don't be afraid to rub the thigh too. It's been sore for a while, Oooohhhhhh~" blissfully says the girl, surprising the Makaian goddess.

Shocked, Shinki looks at Yumeko, whom has a very ominous look on her face as she motions a shoving gesture with her right hand, to which Shinki smiles and says "alright, let's try that."

She swings the machine over the chronicler's back rather violently, and all she gets is the moans and tickle-laughter from a very relaxed and happy girl.

To this, the blonde maid face palms, holds her face with her hand, shakes it slowly, and just sighs long and hard.

The goddess of Makai stops, sighs, then whines "why isn't she crying? She should be crying! This is a torture, for hell's sake!"

At that very moment, a nose-blood-propelled Kasen missiles her way to the S.S. Glass Leotard, breaks a hole on the belly of the ship, flies through the deck, violently crashing against Akyuu's belly, sending her flying to the sky and crying "NOT AGAAAAAAIN!" then continues her blood-rocket way to parts unknown.

Shinki claps her hands together over her chest, her side ponytail rises with her glee, and she sweetly says "yay, finally! We made her cry."

Both Yumeko and Yuki stare at their mother and goddess in total disbelief, both having strands of hair springing out of their heads, then the fire witch says "er, Lady Shinki? I don't think-"

The ship explodes violently before the blonde can finish speaking, and Shou Toramaru is eating chicken meat at the Myouren Temple with her cute red-haired fairy partner. (Don't tell Byakuren.)


At the Human Village, the still agitated Futo takes deep breaths as she walks around the dirt roads, and after some time passes by, she places her hands on her heart and says to herself "it is alright, it is ok, there are no youkai here. Now calm down Futo, for you are a strong woman."

She takes a deep breath when she feels her heart settling down, then says "there we are. Good as new. I am strong, yes I am."

And that's when she meets face to face with the Dragon God's statue in the center of the village.

The statue seems to be staring back into her soul with those glowing red jewels-for-eyes on it, and the way it's snout seems to be menacingly aimed at her is making the hermit feel very nervous.

On a side-note, it's interesting how her imagination can make that innocent statue seem more fierce than it really is.

The girl gulps, shivers a bit, stammers incoherently when she tries to talk, but ends up gulping again and taking a shaky step back.

"Futo, it is just the village's statue. It is not moving, it's not going to eat you, it is just a fierce looking statue with glowing red eyes that seems to wish to take a bite off me... Somebody save me."

She gulps her heart again, seems she's going to manage and relax, and then "ROAR!" goes the statue, sounding like some kid playing.

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH THE STATUE HAS TAKEN LIFE! IT WANTS MY BODY FOR SUSTENANCE!", screams the cowardly shikaisen while shooting fireballs at the statue's face, missing miserably, and retreating quite quickly.

After she's gone, two kids behind said statue, a black-haired boy in an orange kimono, and a dark-brown haired girl in a blue kimono, stare at the running girl crying twin waterfalls, then they both smile and start to chuckle mischievously.

Futo reaches the eastern exit of the village, still screaming and crying in fright, and as she slows down, she pants to herself "there. There. Safe. I am safe," then she looks back to make sure she's not being chased by a dragon statue, and "OOF!", she crashes against something.

She rubs her head and her butt, saying to herself "took mine eyes off this road for a mere instant, and I crash against a solid object."

She stands up, dusts her skirt, then looks forward, her hair stands on ends, her face turns purple, tears resume flowing down her cheeks, and she chokes on herself.

In front of her, unmoving and solidly in place, is the giant metal chicken from chapters 8 and 7, and to her, it wants REVENGE! ...And she's right.

The chicken's eyes turn red as it buck-caws menacingly, the frightened hermit whimpers and sniffles, then there's a loud crash, the screen turns blurry, starts spinning around like a top, and then everything turns black.

Now loading...

The screen returns, and Futo and the chicken are now 16-bit pixilated sprites in a 32-bit world, with a stormy background where lighting strikes repeatedly, wind blows ferociously, and Kasen blows all over the foreground inside the gales, with a distressed speech bubble that reads "SAVE ME, PLEASE!"

Futo's sprite looks around, her nervousness slowly subsides, her heart settles down, then through a speech bubble, she says "Wow! What sort of place is this? 'Tis like the confounded video playing machine in that gentleman's antique shop."

"BUCK-BUCK BUCK-CAW!" threatens the 16-bit chicken, and now a grid with Futo's HP (857), MP (1087), as well as the commands for "Attack", "Magic", "Special", and "Run", appears on the bottom of the screen.

With that in sight, the shikaisen's bravery level and turn gauge fill up, and she bravely says "Alright then you terrifying Buddha statue, prepare to meet thine maker!"

She selects Attack, jumps in front of the chicken, punches, then kicks it, and does one hundred damage points, but takes fifty-three damage points herself, and says "Curses! I'll have to resort to my Spell Cards!"

The chicken shoots "Laser Eye Beams" (how cliché) at the girl, taking fifty HP from her, and now it's her turn again.

She selects Magic, browses through spell cards, and selects "Blaze Sign, Glazing Winds of Haibutsu," and almost immediately, three statues appears on the background, all catch fire, and that fire rains down on the chicken, doing and amazing one thousand and a hundred and fifty two damage.

The giant metal chicken screeches angrily, then suddenly takes flight, its image appears in the background with its eyes glowing bright red and chromed metal teeth adorning its beak, then it suddenly lands in front of Futo, covered in metallic green dragon scales, then kicks her gut, chops her head, knees her nethers, slams her back, then repeatedly pecks her on the back, doing a total damage of five hundred HP.

With only two hundred and fifty four HP left, an alarm starts up, signaling the shikaisen's near defeat, to which the girl says "I won't give up, you monster! I will defeat you, if it's the last thing I'll ever do!"

She selects Magic again, selects "Heaven Sign, Iwafune Ascending to Heaven", and after the mandatory spell card flash, the spell is on!

Futo jumps on her boat, which appears out of nowhere, and with a hand command to move forward, the wooden boat takes off at blinding speeds, leaving a few after images behind in its path.

A torrent forms on the bottom of the boat, Futo herself starts shooting arrows of light all over, and as soon as she runs over the chicken, it spins in the air while its pummeled by the arrows and the torrent danmaku, then the hermit flies higher, striking the chicken again with the boat, the torrent and the arrows, then on her third pass, she jumps off the boat just after it strikes the chicken, then forces it to crash on the ground with a mighty stomp.

She jumps back to her original position and says "Ha! Take that, you EVIL fowl!", the chicken takes ten thousand points of damage, then buck-caws to the air as its body starts exploding repeatedly, then it disappears.

Futo gains twenty thousand experience points, five hundred special points, a Metal Boot, which gives +10 Defense and -50 Recoil, levels up, then the scene turns black again.

Once the scene returns to normal, it is revealed the village is now a burned wasteland filled with moaning villagers, all cursing the shikaisen and cussing at her, though she doesn't seem to notice.

Instead she has a very proud and smug smile on her face as she dusts her hands, and says to herself "excellent. I have proven to mine self that I have nothing to fear, for I AM strong! You hear that, Gensokyo! ? I, Mononobe no Futo, of the Mononobe clan, declare to be stronger than balls!"

The kids from earlier jump from beneath the ground, wearing dragon masks, and roar right in front of the hermit's face, causing her to foam at the mouth, convulse, and fall unconscious on the ground.

The humans cheer at the little kids, whom giggle at the downed hermit, then the little girl says "we have slain this vile zombie in the name of the moon!"

A red and black "Game Over" screen appears, and now we are at the Scarlet Demon Ark's living room, where Remilia and chibi neko Damien are playing videogames.

The sexy and frustrated vampire smashes her controller on the floor, shattering it to bits and making her boobs jiggle very violently, then shouts "YOU CHEATED, YOU LITTLE TWERP!"

The chibi neko simply brushes his cheek at the vampire, and with his manly and suave voice, says "it's not my fault you selected Run at the Dragon Statue's battle. Now, the noodles?"

The vampire bites her thumb's nail, then angrily says "fine! But I still want my back rub!"

Chibi neko Damien brandishes his extra long claws, a glint escapes his right eye, and he says "this will be MY pleasure."

And so, a sweaty Remilia Scarlet is having many second thoughts about her current demands.


It is rather peaceful at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, and Yumemi is somewhat enjoying this peace with Mima and cat-eared Maribel on a small round table.

They are just chatting away, getting to know each other a little more over some tea and cakes, even though the evil spirit keeps lying about a few details, when they suddenly become quiet when Akyuu and Satori walk over to them, and stare.

After a whole minute of staring silently, the redhead's eyes become annoyed, and she asks "what? What do you guys want? I'm not buying anything, you know."

The two girls smile most disturbingly, then sounding like robot zombies, both girls say "give us your soul~"

The unamused scientist blinks twice, raises her fists, then lets them drop on both their heads with some extra force and some simple magic she's learned from Byakuren, then eggs plop out of the girls' ears, cracking upon hitting the floor and revealing many petit Koakumas that fly away to parts unknown, repeating "koa-koa-koa-koa."

Yumemi is mentally screwed, evident when sparks start flying right out of her ears, yet she remains calm and somehow manages to say "uh, what the fuck just happen here?"

A washtub falls on her head and knocks her down immediately, just as Akyuu and Satori start recovering their senses, and start moaning while holding their heads.

Mima grabs Maribel, squeezes her hard, takes flight, then says "come on cute kitty cat, Willie's bringing the raining crap now."

And just like she said, Chiyuri falls from the sky, engulfed in a ball of fire, and lands on top of Akyuu, crushing the poor human under her feet.

She quickly grabs Satori's hands, pulls her toward her cabin, and exclaims "come, COME! I have many oils in my personal bath that I'd LOVE to try on you!"

The poor chronicler struggles greatly as she stands back up, whimpering with pain as she asks herself "how in the world am I still alive?"

A powerful gust of wind blows her all the way to the portside (left) of the ship, and the screaming human's luck hooks her foot on the rails, preventing her from falling over the ship.

Aya lands behind the Chiyuri, and declares "I DECLARE WAR! EN GUARDE, you EVIL HUMAN!", and both girls pull out thin scimitars they start banging hard, shooting sparks form them as they clash.

Satori places both her hands over her chest, lightly balls them into half-fists, and closes her eyes, while saying "I have faith in you. Win this fight and take me home, where I'll be all yours."

The fighting girls start bleeding through their noses, and increase the intensity of their attacks, thanks to the power of motivation.

The blonde jumps and avoids getting her legs cut, then lands and swings her sword up, missing the crow's neck by an inch, then the tengu kicks the girl on the stomach, but the human grabs that foot, and bites the knee.

Meanwhile, as Aya screeches in pain, Akyuu grunts as she pulls herself up to the ship, panting hard after finally getting half of her body over the rails, and rests her stomach on them as she catches her breath.

Kasen stands next to her with her arms crossed under her ample chest while looking at the girls fight, then the chronicler furiously screams "WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME, HERMIT! ?"

The hermit hums with a shrug, then says "because something bad is going to happen if I do."

A Suwako falls from the sky and crushes the pink haired girl under her weight, rubs her head under her hat as she gets up, then says "aauuu~ That was a good jump. Let's see where I land next," then jumps again, leaving a trail of rainbow tadpoles behind, for great justice!"

Akyuu just stares from the rails as kero-chan flies away, then looks back down at Kasen and says "HA~HA~! Take that, you self pretentious hermit! You all are so alike! Just a bunch of bitches!"

Just as the chronicler finally thuds into the ship, she finds Seiga crouching beside her with such a sweet, sweet smile, it's like looking at death in the pretty face.

"Err, hi," chirps the nervous human just before getting slapped across the face repeatedly by the wicked hermit.

Kasen suddenly sands up and roars like a beast, then screams "the ship's sinking! Everybody run to the yams! It has marshmallows!"

Seiga giggles as she flies away and says "good luck sailor girl," to which the pink haired hermit shouts "it's not boiled properly. KICK IT AGAIN!", then drops on the floor again, as if drunk.

Akyuu punches the floor, then furiously shouts "what does any of this crap has to do with Satori and the others anyway! ?"

She looks over to the fighting girls, and finds Aya's head planted through the bamboo floor, showing her pink bear-pint panties, a pantless Chiyuri with dark-blue panties, holding her nether region and with a face twisted with a powerful wince, as though in excruciating pain, and Satori begging perverted little Koishi to stop, whom licks her sister's neck while saying "no way! I'll lick and lick until I'm satisfied!"

Though horrified by the sight before her, the chronicler still takes her brush and a scroll out of her leotard, and starts writing down what she sees, while gasping, covering her mouth, and saying "oh dear goodness, how perverted."

And now, Kotohime walks the handcuffed Koishi over the starboard side (right) rails of the ship, saying "you're doing plenty of time, toots! You shouldn't have licked my loins when passing through the village!"

"Dang," curses Koishi. "Oh well, at least I got to lick onee-chan," earning herself a smack on the head from a flying red third eye before plummeting to the ground below.

Akyuu sighs as she writes a few more lines, then says "what a sad little girl."

Satori peeks her head from the right side of the scene, and shouts "WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME! ?"

"Because it was sexy," replies the perverted chronicler as casually as if nothing had ever happened.

Minako, the perverted servant, jumps on the ship, grabs Akyuu from behind, squeezes her tight, and cries "I finally found you, Lady Akyuu! I was so worried about you! You naughty little girl, I'm going to have to spank you!"

The perverted lolicon servant squeezes her mistress' chest while hugging her from behind, the purple haired girl struggles to break free, and after giving up and sighing, she cries "I just want this day to end *sob*."

Kasen moans as she wakes up, slowly lifts her head, slurring some words, then finally recovers herself enough to ask "wh-wha? What's going on here?"

Hatate walks past Satori, stands between the hermit, the chronicler and the pervert, pulls a large metal gauntlet from under her skirt, raises it as she aims it at the pervert, then swings it at Kasen's face, knocking the hermit out in one knockback of a strike.

"And that's why peaches in heaven taste so juicy," explains Tenshi over at heaven, whom wears glasses as she explains to Rika how it is possible for trees to grow in heaven, let alone bare fruits.


Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, the girls are fighting the girls from the Scarlet Demon Ark, and currently, she's winning.

Minamitsu crosses swords with adult Remilia, and they are currently pushing each others' blades mere inches away from their faces, and both are smiling quite contently.

"Give it up," growls the sexy vampire. "All your honey will belong to us! We are too powerful! Too strong!"

The captain smiles back, and confidently says "by the time we're done here, I'll have your honey, AND your buns!"

"KYAAH~" excitedly screeches Orange as she jumps into the scene with a smile while writing on her notepad, then excitedly says "that's another lesbian point for the captain. *Sigh* I'll follow her to HELL if I have to!"

Kyouko walks over with a flat gaze piercing straight through her partner's flesh, and asks "are you sure you're not a lesbian?"

"Hey, hey, I'm not the one screaming my lungs out at night with her birdy out in public while fairies cheer," coldly replies the orange youkai girl.

The yamabiko gasps, punches Orange on the shoulder, and exclaims "that' our way to express ourselves, so don't jinx it with your lesbian err, thing!"

"Thing?", questions the yellow, green and orange girl. "You're going to have to find a better argument than that, Miss Ashamed of your Lesbian Tail!"

They walk past Byakuren, whom is crossing swords with Meiling, and she suddenly grabs the gate guard's arm, gets behind the girl, locks the girl's own arm around that sexy neck, then sweetly says "girls, please don't get in the way, or Mini-chan is going to have a fit again."

Both girls smile and salute the Youkhrist while saying "alright Lady Hijiri~", then continue their way toward the back of the ship.

Both Meiling and Byakuren's cheeks turn pink, then the Buddhist says "they're so adorable," to which the gatekeeper replies a hoarse "yeah. Cute enough to eat."

The cute youkai girls continue on their way, when they suddenly stop when spotting Tojiko and Miko trying to sneak their way into Minamitu's cabin.

They casually make their way over to the girls, stare at them as they try hard to get inside, then Orange asks "are you two a couple?"

Both intruders' hairs stand on their very ends after the surprise question, but quickly compose themselves and look back at the girls, then Miko asks "um... Wait, what? Trying to set up bombs? Us? Of course not."

Tojiko swiftly wraps a playfully warm arm around the saint, then says "oh yes. The Crown Prince is ALL MINE, and no matter what Futo says, this IS a fact!"

Ignoring the former girl's suspiciousness, the girls look at Tojiko in the eyes, then Kyouko asks "so that would make you a lesbian in a love triangle of lesbians, right?"

Steam rises from the spirit's head as she speaks through her teeth, "the nerve of this little gremlin! I said CROWN PRINCE, you idiot! She's a guy!"

Miko chuckles nervously while fanning her hand over her mouth and whispers "h-hey, Tojiko, don't go saying things I'll regret later. KYAAH!"

And she regrets it indeed, for the little youkai girls lift the saint's dress and stare at her bloomers, and with very serious expressions, they nod, and the yamabiko says "hard to tell. Are these briefs, or panties?"

"Guess there's only one thing to do now," comments Orange while reaching further in.

Both girls get zapped on the butt by lightning and screech as they jump in place and hold their rears, then look teary-eyed at the spirit with the spark on her finger.

Tojiko grins ominously and asks "what? Are you gonna cry? Boo-hoo, little children. Now leave Miko alone, you perverts!"

"I think we should go now," warns Miko, but the ghost-girl's grin is a good indications that her words have gone unheard.

Kyouko raises her fist and loudly shouts "hey, that hurt, you stupid ghost lesbian!"

Orange pulls her baton from her back pocket, and threateningly says "we're going to have to teach you a lesson now!"

The spirit girl smiles, sighs, raises her hands, and lighting falls without stop on the poor girls' heads, making them scream and cry in pain, while the saint warningly says "serious, Tojiko-chan, let's go while we still can."

A hand falls on the left shoulder of both invading girls, effectively stopping the spirit from shocking the youkai girls any more, then a woman ominously says "so, you're picking on my little sister, huh?"

The girls turn around and look with undeniable terror at Kimi and Mamizou, both having a dark and ominous smile on their faces, then the tanuki adds "seems we're going to have to school you both on reasons why NOT to hurt our dear little sisters."

Tojiko points at Miko and says "she started it."

Futo crash-lands in the middle of the ship, stopping all the fighting and taking all the attention.

She smiles warmly as she lifts a red box with a chrome plunger, sets it on the ground, winds the plunger back, and-

Look at Momiji in her white bikini, soaking up on sun while resting her gorgeous, perfectly shaped body on a thin towel, and let's ignore the explosion of calorie-packed cupcakes happening at the background.


That afternoon, at the Moriya Shrine, Kanako is tied up to a chair, wearing white short pajamas with tiny blue leaves printed on, Sanae and Budou are tied up against each other in the center of the living room, and Ail is at the mercy of the flower-wielding chibi nekos with threatening glares.

"You'll never get away with this, you cute little fiends," declares Ail with his hands up in the air.

Chibi neko Sanae pushes a red rose against his neck, making him sweat bullets, and with her womanly voice, she whines "shut up, you! We've hardly appeared in this chapter at all. That's not FAIR! My beauty is not to be hidden behind scenes! I demand all the attention!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN," hums chibi neko Ran as she brings rope to tie up the boy.

Chibi neko Yumemi, whom has a bluebell, stares indifferently at her blonde partner, then monotonously says "where did you get that, nyan? We didn't have any more rope. That's why we're threatening him with flowers a-nyaa!"

The blonde cat girl quickly points at Sanae, Budou and Phredia the elf fairy, whom are free and look more than eager to dispense punishment, then chibi neko Miko, who holds an amaryllis, face palms and says "we already failed, and it's only the sixth sentence!"

Chibi neko Damien, who holds a red camellia, elegantly passes the flower under his nose while sniffing it, shrugs, and suavely says "such is the fate of those characters created as knockoffs of other, more successful knockoffs, which happen to be dreams of a vampire."

Now, all the tiny cat people huddle up, shivering with fear as Ail, Sanae, Budou and Phredia move in to murder them, then Suwako breaks through the roof, lands like a frog on the floor, cheers "ta-daaaa~" as she stands in one leg while raising her left arm like a ballerina, then opens her eyes and looks around.

She stares at the kids with the cats and asks "ok, what in Suwa is going on here?", and that's when she looks at Kanako, her eyes and Pyonta's (her hat) pop out of their sockets when they see the sexy predicament the goddess is in, then she starts drooling while saying "oh, it's my dream birthday present come true. She even has the blue panties!"

Outside the shrine, the afternoon sun accents the beauty of the mountain as it caresses the land with its warming glow, and its beautifying light.

"OUT!", shouts Suwako as she single-handedly throws out the boy, the girl's and the chibi nekos, then closes the shrine's door with a divine padlock and says "I'm going to be busy now, so come back later. In fact, don't come back at all! Stay at Ail's house!"

All stand up and look at the shrine with fright when Kanako starts screaming "no, wait, don't leave me with this psycho! Nooooo! She's going to do things I won't want to remember but won't be able to forget, just like she did seven hundred years ago, right before she stuffed things in places I don't want to comment about, which really made me- Aah-aaAAAHHH~"

And then everything becomes quiet for a second, and chibi neko Miko asks "um, so what now, nyaa?"

Ail rubs his chin while thinking hard about it, then suddenly lifts his right arm and shouts "IKUUUUU!"

Lighting strikes in front of the donation box, while Kanako moans and screams, and Suwako cackles mischievously, and Iku Nagae now stands in the center of the lightning's strike.

The large group ignoring the whipping sounds and the crying goddess' pleas of help, run to the oarfish youkai, then the dense boy says "it's time, and there's nothing set for the ships to crash. Please help us, Iku-san!"

The violet-blue haired girl smiles and chuckles softly, stretches her arms to her side, then quickly turns once and stops with her left hand on her hip and her right hand pointing up, then says "and it's done."

While everybody else 'oohs' and 'aahs', Ail and Sanae flip a thumb up at the oarfish, and the boy with a manly tear under his left eye exclaims "thanks Iku! You're the best."

Meanwhile at the Scarlet Demon Ark, child Remilia grins mischievously at Akyuu, who aside of having her normal clothes back, hides behind Kasen as they await to get married by force, just because the vampire wants to see a wedding.

Ibaraki is not at all amused by all of this, the evidence clear on her annoyed, flat-gazing face, and her breathing through her nose and expelling through her mouth while saying "negative feelings out. Negative feelings out."

The young mistress lifts her hand slightly and says "Sakuya, get them ready," then the ship explodes fifteen times, so violently and so unpredictably, the falling girls aren't sure to whether scream in fear, or curse to the air.

The bow of the ark flies straight and true to the S.S. Glass Leotard, crashing on its portside (left) and sending it and its screaming girls straight at the Palanquin's front.

The crash sends Kyouko and Futo screaming to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, where the cute yamabiko waving her ears starts crying so loudly, she causes cracks to appear on the ship's body, while the shikaisen starts screaming in fear while shooting fireballs all over the ship, forcing it to move on its own somehow and crash on the Unnamed Ghost Ship, which WAS safe until now.

The ships explode on contact, and now Minamitsu, Chiyuri, Yuyuko, Shinki and adult Remilia are having a sissy-slap-fight as they fall to the unforgiving ground.

Meanwhile, Akyuu, whom has most of her dress in flames, flaps her arms as she screams and falls, while Kasen tries to hold her and shouts "TAKE IT EASY! ARGH, I CAN'T HELP YOU LIKE THIS YOU FOOL!"

To their left, adult Flandre rips a thick black book in half, and shouts "VAMPIRES DON'T SHINE IN THE SUN, DAMMIT!" (Sorry, I did it again, didn't I?)

A white blur grabs Akyuu just before she hits the ground, rolls her on the ground to douse the flames, then holds her like a princess, reveals herself as Minako, and cries "MY LADYYYY~ You're safe in my arms again! Don't worry, nobody will harm you ever again while I'm around."

The chronicler stares at her perverted servant with fright, sighs in defeat, then says "fine. Just take me to a doctor. I think I broke a few things at the fifth explosion."

"Will do, my lady," happily replies Minako, totally ignoring the screams of Kasen, and disregarding her as she crashes face-down on the ground, making a deep imprint of herself on the dirt.

The poor hermit moans and groans out loud as she gets off the dirt, looks around with her slightly opened eyes, then moans and says "why won't this day end! ?"

Futo falls face-up on her side, coughs up a cloud of smoke, then says "Miko, Tojiko, I want you to partake of my underwear and spread Taoism across the pools of celestials," then she finally faints.


That night, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, Akyuu looks all kinds of uncomfortable, annoyed and even depressed, as Minako makes motor sounds with her mouth and offers a spoonful of rice to her mistress.

"Come on, My cute Lady Akyuu~ You need to eat to recover," says the annoyingly, bubbly, perverted servant.

A wider look at the scene, and it is revealed that both of the chronicler's arms are wrapped in bandages, her neck is strapped by a brace, and her back is held secure by a plate.

She glances over at her servant, her anger slowly rises, then she calmly says "Minako, I am an eighteen year old lady. Please cut the childish crap and feed me properly."

The brown-haired servant pouts and widens her glassy eyes with welled up tears, and sadly says "but my lady needs to eat *sniffle*."

The chronicler sighs, gives up, opens her mouth, and the happy servant coos with delight as she feeds her mistress, then screeches happily and exclaims "that's it, My Lady! Eat up so that you may heal nice and strongly!"

Sitting at the bar, Kasen, whom has a black right eye and a bandage on her forehead, takes a drink of her vegetable juice, sighs while slamming the glass on the table, then softly says "this has got to be the worst day in my life. Ugh, all my bones are aching so much."

Futo, whom has two black eyes, and bandages around her left leg and neck, giggles and says "I must admit this day has been a curse, but after tasting this semi-solid cold beverage of crushed berries you suggested, it makes it all worth the suffering."

She takes a spoonful of that semi-solid shake, coos with outmost delight, making herself look far more adorable than ever thought possible, and exclaims "I don't understand how is this edible with a spoon and not as a drink, but it's so delicious, I don't care!"

Ibara just nods twice, and sadly says "hai-hai, I'm glad you liked it," then looks at her neighbor and her messy mouth smeared with the treat, and thinks of nagging, but instead just lets her head drop on the table, sighs, then says "I'm going home to sleep."

A black vortex opens up in the center of the restaurant, expands in size to allow a large black cannon on a dark wooden base to fall through, then Damien falls out of the vortex after the canon, and says "EUREKA! Now that the canon is here, I can FINALLY get that Ail!"

All the girls in the room groan out loud, then adult Remilia walks closer to the boy, though not close enough to get him nervous, and says "kid, just give it up. This is not a serious fiction, so there's no chance in hell you'll get him."

"Oh yeah?", defiantly defies the boy. WATCH THIS!"

He runs over to the front of the cannon and says "Ail has the honey," then runs to the back, grabs the firing cord, then shouts "FIRE IN THE HOLE," and shoots the damned thing quite fast.

Lily White roars as she is fired out of the cannon, and breaks her way out of the restaurant with her large buster sword on hand.

With white scowling eyes and a box-shaped mouth, she shouts "GIVE ME THE HONEEEEYYYY~", then flies away to the distance.

Not to worry though, as Damien has a camera following her, and now they are watching her search for Ail over the night sky, IN 3-D! Popcorn not included with glasses.

She turns left at the Forest of Magic, stops to allow a few fireflies to fly by, resumes her way through the night, finds Ail's house, dives down and flies straight to the open door, and then... "KYAAH!", she screams.

Yumemi chops the fairy's neck and takes her buster sword in mid air, even though it was spinning dangerously fast, easily swings that massive blade with a single hand, then points it at Anilan and says "he said you had the honey! WHERE IS IT?"

The dense boy raises his hands defensively and shouts "b-but I don't have any honey, I swear! Lily's taking it all right now!"

When the girl turns around, she effectively finds Lily White fully conscious and carrying eighteen pots of honey out the door already.

She roars as she rushes to tackle the fairy, there is a loud crash of honey pots falling on the ground just outside Anilan's house, and now the two girls are on the floor, rolling all over sticky honey while pulling on their hair and clothes.

Fabric rips while girls roar and grunt, then the dense boy walks to the door, carrying the buster sword out of his house, and he stares.

Lily grips Yumemi by the chest, the redhead grabs and pulls a chunk of the fairy's honeyed hair, the fairy retaliate by ripping a chunk of the woman's shirt off, and said genius gives the blonde a powerful wedgie.

Ail stares and stares at the mess, blushes a bit and mutters "maybe I should try that one with Sanae," then sighs, calming himself down, and as he closes the door, he angrily says "bathroom's down the hall to the left. Don't wake me up, and please clean that mess before you leave."

He closes the door, and the two catfighting girls continue their struggle, as though having ignored the words of the boy.

Back at the restaurant, Damien is smashing his own head against the cannon, then the unidentifiable Reisen says "ah, careful, there's some gunpowder inside that thing."

The girls scream, and the front of the restaurant explodes.

On the bright side, Kyo, adult Medicine, Luna Rivers and Luna Child, run for their lives as Reimu and Dark Rika chase after them.

"SHE'S LYING REIMU! We don't have THAT kind of money!" shouts Kyo from the front of the pack.

"They're obviously lying, My Lady. I saw her stuff seventy thousand yen between her breasts, and him pocketing a large pack of many ten thousand yens," rapidly lies the dark maid.

Reimu's eyes sparkle, she raises a spell card, floats ten feet in the air, and Ran Yakumo is naked in an apron, and is posing stylish for Yukari.


To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Budou, Phredia, Kimi, Luna Rivers, Agava, and Minako were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami, AND her dark version, were created by Snapshot 2010.

Damien was created by Hydroviper

MAY 11, 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.


A/N:

I am wondering if I left the oven on when I started writing the last three paragraphs for this chapter, but then I realized I haven't cooked in a week. But enough about that.

As you may have noticed, I am using the new official information of the girls against them, and will continue to do so until I feel satisfied. Now, this means I'll be using both fanon and canon to characterize the girls of Gensokyo, but I'll still make it evi-err, funny! WE ALL NEED TO LAUGH! SOMEONE MAKE ME LAUGH! And with that, I leave you to start working on the next Sukima. Screw the crossover, I'll finish it later. Nobody's really caring for it anyways. Well, only a few care for it, but it's too late, and the butter's melting! ON TOWARD SUKIMA. First, a spin-off concerning Rika Onkamikami, though :D! Good luck Willie!