Last time, on "Tales of the Almost Pirates":

Yumemi diffused a bomb that was about to blow Chiyuri's ship; which happens to be HER ship; up into tiny bits, but thanks to Ail's thick head, and Futo's legendary hat hair, the honey was saved.

However, while she was busy with that bomb, the sexy adult Remilia single-handedly defeated Mystia, Mima, Wriggle, chibi neko Yumemi, and made Chiyuri hers.

Now the redhead sits in front of the vampire, sharing tea while she waits to be ravaged savagely, and made into a slave.

"Hey, that never happened!" snaps Yumemi towards nowhere in particular.

"Where the heck he get such a sick idea!? We were just having a quiet tea party here," adds adult Remilia, making her boobs bounce as she shifts her legs.

The redhead bites her bottom lip in her attempt to conceal her breast envy, but the light-blue haired woman already knows what's happening in that mind, and merely flicks her hair, which mysteriously causes her breasts to jiggle again.

While a vein pulsates on Yumemi's forehead, she speaks sweetly as she asks "so, dear guest, what was that which you needed of me?"

"Ah, that's right!" exclaims the vampire quite eagerly; moving suddenly forward and making her pearls shake about even more. "Since you're this awesome science woman, I was wondering if you could build an indestructible toy that can use magic so that it can fight danmaku battles with my little sister."

"Wow, that's one hell of a request," says Yumemi with a sweat drop rolling down her temple afterward while she chuckles nervously.

The blue haired woman frowns and expresses her disappointment, sits back down, making her chest bounce around, holds her chin while looking up to the morning sky, and says "that's a shame. I really needed something to keep my little sister's mind occupied. She's become a raging pervert due to boredom."

By now, several veins have popped on the redhead's forehead while she shoots murderous glares at the vampire's ample bosom.

Remilia turns her head toward the science woman, making her gorgeous mound wave about, then asks "are you sure you can't give it a shot?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" spits the envious woman, whom has forgotten she's got quite nice curves as well. "And could you PLEASE stop shaking those lewd boobs around!? They're pissing me off!"

The adult vampire stares curiously at the red haired woman before her, grabs hold of her black bra, pulls the top edge to look inside, effectively making her breasts bounce around, then casually says "hey, don't blame me. It's Willie's fault they're jiggling so much. I mean... they don't look that big to begin with."

Yumemi grinds her teeth to suppress her rage, growls inward so as not to offend the guest, then sighs to calm herself down, and then she says "I-" CRASH!

A silver washtub with Chiyuri in it falls on top of Miss Okazaki, knocking the sexy genius out, then the blonde with pigtails head-tilts and smiles at Remilia, then says "I know of someone who can make one of those for ya'!"

"Really?" begins the vampire eagerly. "Who!?"

The captain wannabe leans closer, places her hand on the table for support, and when close to Remilia's ear, she whispers "Rikako Asakura. The genius and her boyfriend hide underground, at the southern edges of Gensokyo, where grass barely grows on the dry rocks."

The light-blue haired woman stares at Chiyuri's hand while her cheeks turn redder every second, then sighs and asks "really? Can you help me find her?"

"Sure!" quickly replies the blonde, sounding quite excited.

"That's great, hmm~" begins Remilia while she closes her eyes and sighs softly.

She gulps as she begins to sweat, then asks "say, could you do me another favor?"

Chiyuri's eyes fill with confusion while ignoring Yumemi's groans of horrible back pain, smiles, and then says "sure; anything."

The flushed Remilia punches the table, then furiously demands "could you please stop squeezing my boobs!? It's very annoying!"

"Whoops, ehehe," chuckles the perverted blonde while taking her hand away from the vampire's gorgeous mounds, then says "I guess I owe you a little extra now. This was supposed to be my pay for helping you out."

The vampire woman quickly wraps her wings around her upper body, then Chiyuri's eyes fill with curiosity once more, and then she asks "say, how come you, a vampire, can be under the sun without any kind of protection and not burst into flames?"

The sexy adult Remilia explores herself for a bit, then says "well, it's a secret only that Rika girl knows... but I don't care. As long as her clothes give me this much freedom, I won't ask unnecessary questions."

The blonde girl's cheeks turn bright pink, then she sighs and says "oh freedom. That feeling is just so wonderful."

Meanwhile, in the captain wannabe's quarters, a pair of white panties with strawberry prints, and a pair of light-pink bras rest on the pastel-yellow sheeted bed, giving off a sad feeling for being left out in the cold without their master's warmth to brighten their day.


At the Youkai Forest, to the left side of the river, Nitori and five other kappa girls that aren't important enough to describe... "HEY!" ...bow in worship toward a rock formation in front of them.

On said formation sits a conveniently darkened figure that shifts its body while the kappa continue to worship it and chant like theatre zombies.

"I find that offensive," says Yoshika from the background; not that I'm paying attention.

One of those extra kappa runs toward Nitori, and when in range she excitedly calls "Nitori, Nitori, the harvest has been twice as bountiful! We're all set for another year!"

All the worshiping boys and girls gasp and express their admiration, and the cute Nitori quickly exclaims "ALL HAIL THE CUCUMBER GOD! May he bless us with more bountiful harvests for ages to come!"

The kappa begin chanting as they speed up their bowing, and repeat their thanks to the cucumber god.

The sun shines through the rocks and trees, revealing the god sitting on the stone throne to be Kyo, wrapped up from head to toes in rope that's covered in moss and algae.

How the hell did he get covered in algae while still in Gensokyo? The world may never know.

One thing is for sure though; he is pissed at all these kappa, as they continue to ignore his desperate groans and muffled shouts and, keep calling him a cucumber god.

He stares at nowhere in particular, then thinks "I'll get you for this, Willie. I KNOW WHERE YOU-"

Movin' on.


Rikako Asakura, a woman of science with long purple hair she adorns with a white ribbon, a pair of purple eyes she wears small sexy round glasses over, and has nice complexion; even though she doesn't go out much; works hard on a metal panel that blinks with multi-colored lights that seem to be buttons.

She SHOULD be wearing a white lab coat, a black skirt, and a yellow bow on her collar, but instead she's wearing a white, one-piece lycra leotard, white thigh-high boots with thick furry edges on the top part, white elbow gloves with thick top borders, and a long white cape.

She stops working for a moment, inspects her generous chest, lifts her right leg, inspects her left arm thoroughly, then sighs and asks herself "why do I look like some sort of super heroine, slash, super villain? I'm a science girl, not some showbiz hussy."

"Language Rikako-sama," calls out Kyo's shadow self; who is a shaggy egg-head version of the muscular boy; from the doorway.

He wears round glasses similar to Rikako's, only his hide his dark-brown eyes behind them, and wears a simple white lab coat and black pants. He's boring me already.

The nerdy man with surprisingly spiky black hair stares at the science woman, walks into the room, arranges his glasses while looking at her, then asks "and what's with that getup. It's extremely alluring, yet seems out of place on you."

In exactly .36 seconds that shaggy man finds himself in a deadly headlock applied by that very woman he just compliment-insulted.

A vein pulsates on her forehead as she looks down at her assistant with a very sadistic look, and sweetly asks "I'm sorry, did you say something? Are you saying I'm not an attractive woman?"

The nerdy boy groans as he tries to get enough air into his lungs, then grunts "argh... it was just an observation. Of course you look good! You look sexy even! Argh!"

She lets him fall on the floor and smiles with satisfaction while dusting her hands, then giggles playfully and says "that's more like it. Now help me get these traps synchronized."

"Hai!" exclaims the boy as he quickly gets up, but then he moans as he stares at the door he came through and says "well, it appears the traps did need synchronization."

Adult Remilia, Sakuya, and Chiyuri walk through that door as though they were at their home, then the vampire says "not bad. Sakuya, please take notes. I wish to have a room similar to this under the mansion."

"As you wish, My Lady," elegantly replies the elegant maid in first-mate clothing.

Rikako frowns at the sight of the intruders, and just as she's about to ask "who the heck let you in here?" the blonde captain wannabe cheers her greetings "HIIII~! Say, Rikako, could you do these girls a fav-ooh, nice outfit."

She gasps and covers her mouth with both hands while her cheeks turn pink, stares naughtily at the two nerds, and snickers while saying "u-fu-fu-fu~ I hope we didn't interrupt anything interesting; like some roleplay or something, hmm?"

Both Rikako and Shadow Kyo blush brightly, then both angrily bark "mind your own business!"

The purple haired woman sighs as she relaxes, then casually asks "ugh, whatever. Now what is it you need?"

Remilia smiles, which somehow causes her breasts to shake a bit; getting a blush from the maid, and an angry vein from the science woman; and says "I need you to make an indestructible toy that uses magic, so that it can play danmaku with my little sister. Money is no problem."

"That's impossible," happily says Rikako with a big smile on her face.

The vampire frowns and slumps; making her chest jiggle and wave about while Sakuya records it all in a camcorder; then sadly exclaims "really? And I was under the impression that you were such an awesome inventor."

She sighs with disappointment and says "well, that's fine. I guess I'll have to-"

"Not so fast!" exclaims the sexy egghead. "It's impossible to make it because nothing is indestructible. However, I can make you a toy that repairs itself after every playtime, and I can even make it learn new spell cards and danmaku patterns. That way your monstrous little sister will never get bored of it!"

Stars, show-lights and fireworks go off behind the confident woman as she strikes a victory pose with her right arm lifted above her head, while Shadow Kyo quietly uses a remote to guide a pair of mechanical hands to lift the woman's cape.

While he does, Rikako relaxes herself, flips her hair, then says "however, it will take a whole month to build, so you'll have to be very patient. CAN YOU WAIT FOR IT, MISS VAMPIRE!?"

Remilia smiles and nods energetically, then the scientist places her hand on her hip while saying "excellent. I'll start by collecting data for the initial spell cards. Afterward, we'll get on with building the toy."

She remains seemingly unaware of the drooling and panting Shadow Kyo and Chiyuri taking pictures of her perfectly round and jiggly posterior, which remains exposed thanks to the lifted cape.

How does she have such a gorgeous butt when she doesn't work out at all is a mystery, however the two perverts don't really care for the details and continue recording the wondrous sight.

The annoyed Sakuya stares in disbelief at those two and is about to speak, but Rikako sighs, snaps her fingers, then a couple of bombs from the ground send the two happy peepers flying face-first to the front walls.

She turns around and grabs her cape, grunts while pulling against those mechanical hands, and says "I'll let you know when you can COME and PICK UP your toy as soon as I'm done with it. KYAAAAAH~"

She pulls the hardest after the end of her sentence, and for some reason her cape coils up and pulls her up with the mechanical hands.

"No! WAIT! ARGH!" She screams while she spins around and fights with the machines, then she somehow ends up with the cape around her neck, chocking her to the death.

The adult Remilia and Sakuya look up at the chocking woman, then turn around and walk away while the vampire says "I guess I'll go play with Flan a few times this month. I'll keep her busy while we wait."

"That's a splendid idea, My Lady," happily replies the chief maid, ignoring the croaks of help from Rikako.

Her cape tears off just as she's about to lose consciousness, and when she falls, she plunges into a green sea, where a storm is raging and making powerful waves that make the water currents go wild with power.

She screams and calls for help while waving her hands in the air, then Satori comes by screaming "WHY AM I HERE AGAIN?" while on a boat.

Rikako is flicked out of the water and splashed onto the boat, where she and the mind-reader look at each other, then quickly hug each other tight and scream while thunder and green lightning strike mercilessly around them, making the little mind-trip much more traumatizing than it needs to be.


Sanae runs across the deck of the Unnamed Ghostly Ship as if the devil himself was at her toes.

Kimi, who now wears her light-orange hair in a very long ponytail which she adorns with a star clip, and is wearing an open white shirt with a white bra underneath, and a black skirt, stares at the human goddess with curiosity.

She presses a button on her eye patch, then after a few beeps, she groans and says "oh. Not my problem then."

Youmu approaches the shadow dragon youkai, clears her throat, then asks "are you sure it's not your problem? She is a stowaway that just ravaged poor Lunasa."

Said poltergeist sits on the corner of the ghostly shrine replica and cries while curling up into a ball, while her sisters try hard to cheer her up again.

Kimi stares at the silver-haired swordswoman, then suddenly twists her torso around, then twists it back to reveal a creepy smiling ghost mask with its tongue hanging on the side.

The half-ghost screams in sheer terror, and she and her ghost half rush away to the other side of the ship, crying like a baby.

The vile girl chuckles mischievously, unaware of the sexy Yuyuko behind her, holding on to a whip, a questionable cylindrical device of pink color, and a rolled up newspaper.

Meanwhile, Sanae jumps from the ghostly ship, and lands on the S.S. Glass Leotard, and she doesn't look happy about it.

Yuki is the first to approach the shrine maiden, and waves and smiles very friendly-like before asking "well, well, hi there. What brings you here?"

Sanae tackles the leotard-clad Makaian to the ground, and before the blonde has the chance to ask anything, the shrine maiden locks lips with her and gives the fire witch the longest, most passionate French kiss ever; even going as far as twisting her tongue around inside her mouth.

The blonde punches the green haired girl lightly, screaming while she does, but she slowly calms down and settles, then her screams become passionate moans, and then it all ends.

Sanae breathes on the girl's face, hums curiously, and then says "a good candidate... but I must search some more to be certain!"

She rushes off to the bow, jumps off the ship, and flies straight for the Scarlet Demon Ark.

Yuki sits up, holding her chest and panting hard while glancing around, as though trying to recover her bearings.

She looks back to the ship's bow, stands up and keeps staring, thinks of Sanae jumping off the ship, and then she grips her hair by the sides and screams "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER!" and she immediately sets off to find the shrine maiden.

At the ark, Sanae and adult Flandre shoot danmaku at each other as relentlessly as though it was a serious fight.

As soon as the vampire giggles and prepares a spell card, the shrine maiden is on her before she can say "hey, can you sur-mmphfmph hmpf!"

Just like with Yuki, the green haired girl ravages the blonde, going as far as ignoring the fact that they are falling back on to the deck, and then she just lets the shocked blonde go before they both crash, and takes flight toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, while saying "too rough."

Yuki lands on the scarlet deck just as Sanae leaves, cries as she calls "wait! COME BAAAACK!", and that's when she feels a hand grip her shoulder quite firmly.

Flandre's lustful face slowly rises to meet with the Makaian's eyes, and after a lewd hiss the vampire says "that girl turned me on something fierce. You'll have to take responsibility for her actions. Hm-hm-hm-hm~"

Yuki chokes, her eyes hide under a dark shadow, and all she can do is squeak a pathetic "help" before heated vampire is all over her.

Meanwhile, Chiyuri's ship is on fire, and the only girls standing (sorta) are Mima and Maribel.

Sanae is suddenly wearing a red vacuum with a silver hose on her back, and seeing this causes Mima to panic and fly away, shouting "Willie, you ASS; why did you bring that here!?"

The green haired girl turns the vacuum on, and after a quick blink, the green haired spirit is sucked in, looking as though she's being flushed down a toilet.

After the evil spirit is dealt with, Sanae casually tosses the vacuum over the portside (left) rails, then takes a pouncing stance with a vicious smile, making Maribel whimper uncomfortably; even more so when that shrine maiden starts to pant and drool.

"HELP ME-KYAH!" Maribel shrieks and whimpers while her lips are being violated by another girl, but before long she's moaning loudly in delight and quits her weak struggling against the human goddess.

Done with the lip-raping, Sanae wipes her mouth with her sleeve as she sighs, then looks to the Palanquin and says "definitely not. Alright, on to the last ship."

Yuki, whose leotard seems to be put on backwards, arrives to the ship's deck moments after Sanae left, drops on her knees, and cries "WHY WON'T SHE TAKE ME AGAIN!?"

Mystia lets the shocked blonde human ally drop on the ground again, stares at the crazy visitor, and asks "so you WANT to be ravaged?"

At the Palanquin, Nue, Orange and Kyouko sit on their knees, while Byakuren and Minamitsu stand in front of the seemingly perverted guest.

Captain Murasa walks closer to the shrine maiden, then angrily says "I'll stab you with my ladle a hundred times before I let you touch her!"

The Youkhrist lifts her hand and waves it at the ship ghost, then says "it's aright Mini-chan. Let me handle this."

The black haired girl backs away, and now Byakuren is looking down at Sanae, who bravely looks up at the beautiful monk, and ignores those gorgeous mounds being so close to her chin.

Byakuren glares at the girl for some time, then says "fine, but I'll make the first move."

"Bring it, sis!" challenges Sanae.

Before long, the shrine maiden is embraced by the magician monk, pushed back, and ravaged without any mercy.

Both girls moan with delight as they enjoy each other so greatly, totally ignoring the tiger, mouse, ghost, girl, cloud, yamabiko, orange, fairy, undefined, tanuki, AND chibi cats, all staring at them while eating dumplings and drinking tea.

Once the ravaging is done, and the mandatory drool line is severed, the green haired girl sighs and exclaims "what a kiss."

She arranges herself, straightens her dress, and continues "but not what I'm looking for. I'll go get that fire witch. She was just perfect!"

Byakuren sighs sadly and softly says to herself "I lack training."

"FINALLY!" cries Yuki from behind, sporting a set of lip marks all over her face, and with her leotard placed the right way again.

She rushes to Sanae and holds her in a hug while happily crying "please make me YOURS again!"

She shrine maiden grabs her by the hips, takes flight with Yuki secure, and happily says "you are PERFECT for playing Tw*ster with me and Suwako-sama! If we're lucky, Ail might join us too."

Yuki stares at the girl from the side, then sadly asks "so... you're not hunting for a wife?"


Back at the S.S. In You Face Murasa, Mima paces left and right and back and forth while fuming, still furious that I got her stuck inside a certain game's vacuum.

"Furious!?" barks the spirit at nowhere in particular. "I am downright murderous-pissed off! That was not cool Willie; not cool!"

Mystia walks out of the bowels and quickly joins the upset spirit, thinking "maybe a song will cheer her up."

Rikako falls on top of the poor bird girl, crushing her under her lightly white-clothed body, and while she arranges her specs to look around after quickly getting up, she groggily asks "whoa, what happened? Where the heck am I?"

Mima points at the purple haired woman, laughs at her face, and says "ha-ha~! You're Willie's target today. Good luck heretic."

"I AM NOT A HERETIC!" furiously barks the woman of science while shaking a fist at the evil spirit.

The woman just continues chuckling, then flies away quite contently again, leaving behind the poor unfortunate night sparrow youkai under the heretic.

"I AM NOT A HERETIC!"

Hina is now standing right behind Rikako, and is pulling Mystia on her feet, and dusting her dress for good measure.

The purple haired woman turns around, points at the curse goddess, and exclaims "it's a fake curse goddess! YOU FAKE! Why do you call yourself that when you know it's a lie! There's no such thing as-"

A massive wave of purple water rushes over the ship, and takes the doubter with it, while Hina merely smiles as she spins next to Mystia and picks up all her misfortune while singing "all misfortune come to me~."

"Thank you," weakly says the night sparrow as she feels the weight of her misfortunes, and Rikako's boots, leaving her shoulders.

"You're welcome, my dear," sweetly replies the curse goddess, who suddenly smile sinisterly while sweetly saying "and don't forget, those doubters will always get their just desserts."

Mystia is, understandably, frightened beyond common sense.

Meanwhile, Rikako is being dragged through the Forest of Magic by the purple wave, chased after by muscular youkai wolves that are in search of a mate, and Shadow Kyo is recording her wet body from the safety of the sky on a red UFO, driven by a young Flandre Scarlet, who grins with mischievous jagged teeth.

The woman screams for help, but nobody comes to her aid, so she decides to check under her elbow; specifically the left one; and pulls out a giant sponge the size of a house, which surprises her greatly into saying "HOLY HYPOTHESIS!"

She drops the sponge in front of the wave; crushing Alice's house in the process; stops the evil purple wave, the wolves crash on her back and send her flying toward the red UFO, her head knocks it right out of the sky, and after bouncing off, she finally lands on her feet next to Alice, Shanghai and Hourai.

She looks around in surprise, looks at her feet, rubs her sore head while looking at the blonde magician, then says "wow, I'm actually alive. And I didn't crash either."

A vein pulsates on the three blondes' foreheads as they fake a smile and tower over the purple haired woman, frightening her greatly, then Alice asks "so, you're the one that destroyed my house with a sponge, right?"

Rikako raises her hands defensively as she tries to stutter a response, but she's too nervous due to the knife Shanghai has, the lance Hourai holds, and the murderous look on Alice's face.

The science girl tries to run, but she trips on a cucumber, falls flat on her stomach, crushes Sunny Milk, who angrily shouts "GET OFF ME", and now she's being pinned on the ground by the two tiny blondes.

"Please, have mercy! I'm just a scientist with a curvy body!" pleas the purple haired woman, who thinks "if I survive this, I must study the reasons my glasses haven't fallen off yet."

Alice growls, pulls a feather out of her shirt, pulls the woman's boots off, says "apology accepted, curvy scientist..." then tickles her relentlessly.

Rikako laughs and laughs hard until tears well up under her eyes, and then she explodes, and she and the fairy are sent sky high.

Her white boots beside Alice explode, and kick Shanghai and Hourai on their cute little butts as they fly after their master.

The magician stares in surprise to the sky, stares at the feather, then tosses it away and says "that's it. Shanghai, Hourai, no more mushroom teas from Marisa, understand?"

The feather has somehow latched itself on Alice's belt behind her, and as she confidently makes her way toward her destroyed house, the blue-dressed little girl calls "mama Alice, behind you!"

The feather explodes, Alice's clothes rip to shreds, and reveal she's wearing a light-blue bikini underneath.

She shrieks with embarrassment and covers herself up with her book, which does nothing to help her, then makes her way back into her house, which happens to be in one piece again.

Shanghai and Hourai pant, drop their little hammers and nails as they fall on their little backs, and out of breath, the little red-dressed blonde says "next time, we hide her under the bed."


Back at the Palanquin, a cannonball that looks, screams, and even smells like Daiyousei breaks through the holy ship's deck.

The furious Captain Murasa furiously shakes her fist toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, then furiously exclaims "damn you Chiyuri, I just had that painted, you bitch!"

"Ohh, I'm so scared! Come and say that to my face! BLEEEEH~" replies the blonde captain, sticking out her tongue and pulling on her right lower eyelid.

Minamitsu flinches after the insult, then Byakuren sweetly asks "so what should we do about this, captain? Remember, we have to learn to forgive."

The black haired girl relaxes, chuckles, places a smoking bubble pipe in her mouth, and after blowing a few suspiciously red bubbles, she chuckles again and says "of course I'll forgive her. ...AS SOON AS HER SHIP SINKS STRAIGHT INTO DAVY JONES'S LOCKER!"

Fire now rises from the pipe, even though there's no actual fire in it. This causes the Youkhrist to sigh her disappointment while rubbing her own forehead.

Minamitsu drops the pipe, unsheathes her sword and lifts it to the air, then declares "attaaaaaack!"

All the girls cheer as they rush to attack the bamboo ship, Byakuren keeps sighing as she lazily makes her way over to said ship, and then from the hole on the palanquin's deck, a pair of pale and thin fairy arms pulls their body out of said hole.

The little fairy grunts as she makes that last forceful pull, and after rolling on the ground and taking a deep breath, Cirno says "I'll get you for this, Kyo."

Moments later, Minamitsu is tied up with Chiyuri, the disappointed Byakuren is tied up with Mima, Yumemi is tied up with Rikako, who furiously asks "what the heck am I doing here!?", and Kyo is tied up with Luna Child.

Shou is tied with Renko, Ichirin with Maribel, Nazrin with Chen, Kogasa with Mystia, the little red-haired fairy with Wriggle, Nue with Unzan, Mamizou with Ran, and Ail with Sanae and Yuki (for some odd reason).

They aren't important, but it's funny to mention them anyways, so we can laugh at their misfortune.

"Wait a minute; what the heck just happened!?" asks the black haired captain, angry and confused at the turn of events.

"That's what I would like to know!" angrily shouts Kyo while easily walking around with the little fairy on his back.

The bikini-clad Alice, whom has added a sexy white sarong around her waist and a cute pink eye patch on her left eye, taps her rainbow baton against her left hand while standing tall over the two captains.

She smacks both girls on the head with that baton, then furiously says "that's what you get for destroying my house again!"

Meanwhile, down at the forest's clearing, Shanghai, Hourai and Rika Onkamikami rest on their backs on the ground with their hammers on their sides and a rebuilt Alice's house behind them; panting hard and fast with exhaustion, then the blue-dressed girl says "second time! So tired! Need sleep."

The angelic-winged maid smacks her lips and adds "at least it's reinforced."

Back at the ship, Alice strikes Rikako on the head and shouts "and that's for breaking my house the first time, you evil witch!"

"I am a scientist!" angrily retorts the purple haired woman while trying to kick the puppeteer's ankles.

Alice ignores these attempts and moves away from the woman, and then Nue's and Unzan's rope explodes.

When the blonde turns around to look, she is witness to the ropes exploding exaggeratedly, and sending bodies flying all over the sky, and then the ship explodes with such force, everyone is sent higher to the air.

All the screaming girls and two boys grunt in unison when they fall back on the ship's deck, and all but Ail and Byakuren seem surprised about it. The two former merely sigh with relief.

"Wait," begins Minamitsu while looking at Chiyuri.

"Didn't my ship just explode with enough force to send us all flying?" continues the blonde captain wannabe while looking at the sexy Alice posing in her bikini with Yuki and Rikako, while Aya and Hatate take many photos of them.

Nobody but Kyo seems to wonder how the hell does rope explodes like that, but he drops the case when Luna Child jumps on his shoulder and says "just don't think about it."

Meanwhile, on the ground below the ship, Shanghai, Hourai, Rika and Star Sapphire, all lie on their backs with hammers on their sides, while panting hard and holding their chests.

"Why do we keep fixing things?" asks the out-of-breath Hourai.


At the Scarlet Demon Ark's library/laboratory/nerd-room, Patchouli and Koakuma are busying themselves with the construction of a life-sized clay dragon.

The figure is completely grey, and has flaps around its neck like it's some sort of umbrella, a powerful-looking face with its thin forked tongue slipping out on the side, and the body begins snake-like until it reaches the perfectly muscular torso.

The purple haired magician places the last nail on that dragon's foot, then says "well, this is done. Now we see if all this trouble was worth it."

"Hun-hun-hun" exclaims chibi neko Ran while nodding; sitting on the table to the right of the dragon.

Patchouli raises her right arm, points at the ceiling, and exclaims "Koa, pull the switch!"

The sexy girl rushes to a platform with a lever on it, pulls a black remote control from her pocket, points it at the platform she's standing on, and presses a small black button under the big red one.

After a few seconds and nothing happens, the magician grumbles "I said, pull the switch."

"I'm sorry Lady Patchouli," begins the cute little demon while pressing the button repeatedly. "It's just that... we didn't put it on the platform."

True enough, when the magician looks at the dragon, she realizes it's standing to the left of a shiny metal round platform.

She face palms, mutters under her breath while chibi neko Ran groans, then the purple haired girl says "fine! You two help me move this thing."

The scene goes black, and the words "Girls Are Moving Dragons" appear on the left side corner of the scene.

The scene restarts and the dragon is on top of the round platform, then the out-of-breath librarian says "ok, Koa, pull that... switch. Uuu, my back."

The blonde cat girl nods and says "hun-hun-hun," and then Koakuma presses that green button to the right of the red one, and cackles like a madwoman.

Green bolts of lightning rise from the platform and crawl around the life-sized dragon figure, and quickly begin to give it green scales, a yellow underside, it grows large scaly wings, and it begins to move, albeit slowly.

"Yes, it's working!" exclaims Patchouli. "With this guarding the mansion's library, Marisa will have to think twice before she goes there to steal from me again!"

The dragon lifts its powerful arms, roars once, and then bright green cracks start growing all over its body.

"Oh shit," softly and calmly says the curvaceous shut-in. She sighs exasperatedly, then says "just make it blow up quickly so I can get on with my life."

(Fair enough)

The dragon's body becomes stiff, the cracks all gather at its back, then it bursts open with a strong explosion, and that's when Rikako; who no longer has her cape with her; rises from within the sculpture, exclaiming "I'm FREEEEEEE~! Free at last!"

She chokes and flinches when she notices Patchouli five feet in front of her with a miniature sun floating before her fingertip.

The scientist's face becomes ghostly pale when she notices the little demon smiling wickedly at her, and the tiny cat girl grinning with blood thirst.

Rikako places her hands together and cries "please, PLEASE, forgive me! I swear, I don't even know where I am! I've been in a green ocean, a forest, a flying ship, and bound by exploding rope. Please, I need help."

Patchouli stares at the woman's eyes for a bit, sighs as she lets out a smile, then sweetly says "alright, I'll help you."

She shoots the little sun at the woman and sends her flying straight through the ceiling and all the way through to the outside of the ark, and once the guest it out of the way, Koakuma shivers and says "that was very mean, Lady Patchouli."

The purple-themed librarian aims her finger at the chibi neko and the little demon, and still smiling she asks "would you rather have me do it to you, then?"

Both girls shake their heads while tears dangle under their eyes.

Meanwhile, up in the sky, the burned Rikako forcefully flies toward parts unknown wile crying "this is insane. Why has so much misfortune fallen upon me? Was it that Mima woman, or perhaps something else?"

A thick black cloud gets in the way of her flight path, shocks her with unforgiving bolts and soaks her up while she screams in pain, and then, when free of the clouds, she lands on Yuyuko's back.


Somewhere in Gensokyo, a swirling black portal opens up, and Damien immediately pops out of it.

He finds himself somewhere very dark, uncomfortably tight that smells heavily of gun powder and danmaku.

He can hear girls calling out to each others. Apparently, there's a lot of commotion going on outside from where he is, and now he can hear cannon fire while a woman commands "take the bitch out of the sky, and get me that honey comb!"

Because of the voice, the dark boy easily figures out he's at the Unnamed Ghostly Ship, but unlike other times, Yuyuko sounds upset, so he figures he should stay hidden until the battle is over.

"Load the special one and fire at will," commands the one he recognizes as Youmu.

A metallic sound above him catches Damien's attention, and then he's looking into the eyes of Merlin Prismriver, though he doesn't really know her.

She smiles at him, waves, then looks away and says "this thing's loaded already! Lyrica, FIRE~!"

"Phew, I'm saved," sighs Rinnosuke, whose voice seems to come from the dark boy's feet (which would mean he's just outside the cannon.

"Hey, WAIT-" calls the boy as the girl swiftly disappears from his sight, and just as he suspected, he's shot from the cannon straight toward the Scarlet Demon Ark.

He screams as he gets closer to the red ship, breaks through the many walls in the bowels, and continues flying toward the Palanquin, and then he screams like a girl when he notices something else.

Rikako screams as she flies straight toward the boy, both are unable to stop, and then it happens.

They crash face first and end up Frenching each other while danmaku explode like fireworks all around them, and when the momentum finally dies, they push each other away.

The purple haired woman grips her hair and screams out loud "I'VE BEEN RAPED!"

Damien blushes as he looks away, seemingly angry, and says "isn't it the other way around, you perverted woman!? You're so lucky I'm not going to kill you for that!"

"I'm ruined! WAAAAA-HA-HAAA! I can't get married anymore!" cries the desperate woman, totally ignoring the dark boy.

Damien waves his hands around as he nervously says "h-hey, wait a minute, calm down! It was just a kiss. JUST! A! KISS!"

Rikako continues crying, and she and the boy totally ignore the fact that they are falling to the ground.

Shadow Kyo and Flandre appear to Damien's right on the red UFO and glare threateningly at the boy, then the shaggy man points and says "you'll pay for that with your blood!"

"IT WAS JUST A KISS!" screams the alternate Makaian lord with rage.

Rikako clings on his shoulder, lashes her eyes at him in a most seductive way, then says "you'll take responsibility, won't you?"

Damien screams with fright and then tries to push the woman off while shouting "h-hey, get off me!"

He suddenly relaxes when looking deep into those purple eyes, and as if in a trance he calmly says "whoa. Hey, you don't look so bad. Um... hi, my name's Damien."

"Rikako Asakura. Now be gentler with me next time, ok." replies the woman, ignoring the fact that Shadow Kyo is pointing a laser gun at the dark boy's head.

Their bodies reach the ground, and now everyone is inside the perimeter of a little house on the hill, having a picnic on a red mat while laughing and singing stupid songs.

Ran and Chen stand at the distance, and stare at all of them with disgust, then the fox girl flatly says "do it."

The nekomata pulls out her saw sword, revs it up, unleashes her jagged teeth with a vicious grin, then makes her way toward the four happy fools.


At the Human Village, at the Suspicious Keine's Suspicious Store, the suspicious woman hums suspiciously while watering the beautifully suspicious flowers around her house/school/store. It's just suspicious.

While that suspicious woman goes about her suspicious day, Reisen, who insists her name is Tia, walks by the suspicious store, waves at Keine, and cheerily says "good day Miss Keine."

The silver haired woman smiles and suspiciously waves back while replying "hello Tia. Isn't it a wonderful day today?" then she bites her index finger while thinking suspiciously "sure, I called her Tia, but is that her real name? This is too suspicious."

Reisen lifts her plaid yellow scarf to cover her mouth, making the suspicious one gasp in shock when she fails to identify the Moon Rabbit, puts on her glasses, then thinks "she doesn't know who I am, yet she's still so suspicious. Something's so suspicious here..."

The girls remain in place staring at each other for some time, both waiting for the other to do something, whether unknown or suspicious.

Perfectly square holes appear under the two girls, swallow them up; only allowing a quick yelp to be heard; and now chibi neko Yumemi walks by.

She hides the suspicious scissors behind her back, then says "nya~ what an unfortunate event."


Further down the village, near the northern exit, Futo skips merrily while enjoying a cool and refreshing treat in a squishy paper cup.

As she licks the fruity syrup on the shaved ice, Cirno shouts from the shop "don't drop it, Miss. It's bad for business if you do!"

The adorable silver-haired hermit waves without turning as she licks some more of that delicious treat, and then something silver crash-lands eight feet in front of her.

She stops, but keeps humming and cooing while licking on her treat, then says to herself "the strawberry juice is so fresh."

The dust clears from around the silver object to reveal the giant metal chicken, which roars a powerful mechanical "Buck-buck buck-caaaawwwww!"

Futo shivers and coos with delight after taking a bite off her treat, then says "mmm~ this shaving of the ice is wonderful. It tingles in my tongue!"

The chicken stares at the girl in confusion and scratches its head, while in the cockpit on its back, Nitori says to Ichirin "no, no, no, if I press that button, it should take us to the outside world."

The youkai nun yelps and exclaims "no, don't! I have only heard terrible things of that world without magic!"

Back in front, the chicken takes a fighting stance and caws furiously at Futo, who simply coos and says "oh, is this blueberry as well!? These are rare! YUMM~"

The metallic creature rushes to the shikaisen and throws a punch, kick, punch combination, which the girl easily dodges backward, sideways, and hopping back, all while enjoying her delicious treat.

The metal chicken buck-caws furiously to the air, jumps higher than the tallest house in the village, then link-punches down hard on Futo.

The girl jumps up and avoids the attack that causes a crater on the ground, lands on the chicken's shoulders, slurps the melted juice out of the paper cup holding her treat, squeals while smiling, and says "so sweet!"

The mechanical monster doesn't hesitate and throws a punch at his face, damaging itself greatly after the girl hops off its shoulders.

The cute hermit stomps down hard and kicks the chicken's face repeatedly, the monster throws another punch at itself, and then she hops away while the mechanical creature crackles and shorts out.

Inside the cockpit, all the buttons and levers are popping and shorting out. Desperate, Nitori shouts "hit the eject button! She's gonna blow!"

Ichirin pushes the big red button that reads "EJECT" in white, but nothing happens, and with tears in her eyes she cries "it's not working!"

"Oh shit," mutters the kappa when she realizes the deep shit they are in.

Back in the front, the chicken rushes Futo and tries to tackle her, but he girl continues slurping her treat while moving to the side, letting the monster trip on a pebble on the way.

After it's down, she jumps once more while cooing contently, places the edge of the cup on her lips while spinning into a ball, then tackles the cockpit with insane force, cracking the thick glass.

The chicken screeches while wiggling its neck around, its body glows yellow, and then it explodes with ridiculous force while the adorable shikaisen keeps slurping her melted treat.

Nitori and Ichirin are sent flying sky-high, screaming for help that will never come, and then a blue window magically appears above Futo's head, revealing she's earned 50,678 Experience Points, 45,908 Mon, and she has leveled up as well.

Tiny fireworks and a victory fanfare play above her head while she drinks the very last bit of her treat, and then everything disappears the moment she stops drinking.

She turns the cup the treat was in upside down and looks sadly inside while saying "aww, it is all gone. Hau~..."

She walks over to a conveniently placed trash bin and throws the cup in, then sighs and says "I want another. Ah, but I don't think I have enough."

She rummages through her pockets, takes out her blue purse, and when she opens it up she gasps at the large amount of coins inside.

Her lips stretch into a wide smile, and she gleefully says "yay! I can get more treats with this!"

Kanako slides to her left and stares at her with a most unfriendly of faces, then says "I'm watching you."

Futo screeches, turns around and waves her hands, sets the goddess on fire, and runs away while crying "MIKOOOOOO! Miko, the Buddha statue has returned! It speaks in tongues to meeee!"


Later, at the Moriya Shrine, Yuki, Sanae, Suwako and Ail lie on their backs on the ground around the 'Tw*ster' mat, all panting and spread eagle.

"You. play a mean. and sexy. game of Twister. S-Sanae!" exclaims Yuki between pants.

Suwako takes a deep breath to recover, then says "I taught her well."

Sanae giggles, takes a few hard breaths, then says "too bad Ail dropped out so quickly. Hehehe; what's the matter honey? Need more cardio?"

The boy's only response is a couple of hard pants and a suspicious womanly cough.

Kero-chan stares at the boy and says "that sounded quite feminine there, boy. Did... something happen to you?"

Minako jumps from the left side of the scene with an unconscious Akyuu wrapped in her arms, and with a tired and happy smile she says "hey, we'll be going home now. Thank you for inviting us to play. Heheh, now that Mistress Akyuu is tucked out, it's my job to take her home and tuck her in."

She waves her fingers at the girls and casually says "toodles," then she takes of running, kicks off the ground and starts to fly, A pair of balloons pop out from under her white robes and a propeller covers her panties, and she's off to the Human Village to moles-err... put her mistress to sleep.

The girls all stare at the perverted servant as she disappears from sight, then Suwako says "that girl takes life by the horns and... well I won't say it because of censorship and ratings, but I think you know where I'm going with this."

Yuki and Sanae nod in assent, and then two thuds signal the landing of two individuals, then one of them says "aww, Mama-Sanny, I thought you were going to wait for us!"

The tired girls hop on to their knees and stare with surprise at Budou and Ail standing boldly to the right, holding bags of treats and tea leaves.

The dense one shakes his bags and says "got the treats... but it seems you got started without us after all."

He then raises an eyebrow and suspiciously asks "and what is this story I hear of you French kissing other girls, Sanae? What's the story on that rumor?"

The shrine maiden chuckles nervously while her cheeks turn bright red; Yuki throws herself at the green haired girl and sighs with passion while resting her head on the girl's lap, and then hearts start flying right out of her body and head as she sighs "she makes me feel like a woman! What a lovely twister too, mmm~"

Sanae's face turns redder after that fire witch's declaration, smiles weakly at her dense boyfriend, chuckles playfully, then gasps and says "wait a minute! If you're over there with the snacks, then who is this over here!?"

The grounded boy pops into a cloud of smoke, and after said smoke dissipates Mamizou stands up and angrily says "fine, it was me, you bunch of perverts!"

Everybody gasp simultaneously, and then Budou asks "but why? What did papa Ail ever do to you?"

The tanuki holds the bridge of her nose while speaking with annoyance "It's nothing against your papa little youkai. It's that goddess with the huge knockers that asked me to help her."

She notices the confusion on all; particularly Suwako; and adds "I dunno! Something about wanting Sanae's body on hers; asked me to transform her into the kid, but then I couldn't, and... Well, here we are now."

"Fair enough," begins Ail. He looks at his girlfriend, places his hands on his hips after tossing the bags, taps his foot on the ground impatiently, and sternly says "that still doesn't explain the wild 'Sanae kissing rumor'."

Adult Medicine drops from the sky and lands next to the boy, wraps her right arm around his neck, pushes his head with her left hand, cracks his neck, then drops his body and places a large round table on top.

She places the tea, cups, treats and flowers on said table, and then she sweetly asks "so, who wants some tea?"

Happy murmurs of acceptance fill the air, and everyone kneels around the table to partake on some snacks and tea, completely ignoring the fact that Ail has been brutally murdered by a doll youkai.

Unknown to all but Medicine, underneath the table, Ail's body pops with smoke and crackles with yellow sparks, and after the smoke dissipates, Rikako's body is revealed, twitching and foaming at the mouth.


On the last chapter, Kotohime had arrested a hooded individual for spoiling fanfictions in forums and chats.

Now that boy has escaped right before his interrogation, and it is up to the officer to catch this boy before he blows up the dam, poisons the fish, and sours the dumplings.

"What the hell was all that about?" asks Kotohime while looking away from the hooded boy that's just an arm's reach away.

"Willie, she and I just met, so cut the dramatics and get on with the scene. Besides, why would I sour the dumplings? They're delicious." calmly says the hooded boy.

Right then; intros:

The hooded boy wears... well, a black hooded jacket, blue jeans, a white button shirt, and his hair and eyes remain a mystery to us all.

"That's right mister obvious. That's the reason for the hood and I'm wearing," replies Nicolas, whom we didn't know his name until now.

Kotohime is glaring furiously at nowhere and making me very uncomfortable for spoiling stuff I wasn't supposed to spoil for you just yet, but she turns her eyes back to the boy and asks "and what's your problem, kid? Why did you throw an 'I Love Marisa' sticker into my collection pile?"

The boy pulls his hood off, revealing his dark blue, wavy hair and brown eyes, and angrily says "you will never strike me down for spoiling my own stories ever again, Miss Kotohime! Today I will defeat you, and you will show more respect to me!"

The princes policewoman snarls at the boy, takes a fighting stance, cracks her neck in a totally badass way, then says "oh, a big man. BRING IT, BRO!"

Nicolas chuckles slightly bend his knees, then rushes straight at the redhead.

He throws a punch to her face which she easily parries, then throws a kick to her hip that forces her to stumble forward.

Kotohime uses the momentum and lets herself fall, lands on her hands and uses them to spring backward, and then smashes her two conveniently spiked boots on his face.

Nicolas grabs her ankles and swings her around, throws her against a nearby building, then shoots several tiny danmaku shards at her from his fingertips, making himself look like certain villain from a certain movie series that take place in space.

The redhead swiftly runs away and shoots purple baton-like bands while moving right, avoiding the tiny bullets while damaging the boy.

Said boy is knocked off his feet after the sixth band hits him, but even while airborne he shoots the girl's head with impeccable accuracy.

Kotohime ducks to avoid the bullets, but those bullets blow the wall of the building behind her up, and the debris falls all over her, trapping her quite effectively.

Nicolas scoffs at her misfortune after getting back on his feet, then he pulls his hooded jacket off and reveals he's wearing a belt with a giant metal hammer, a metal bat, and a rubber chicken strapped behind him.

He takes the large hammer on hand, walks to the trapped woman, lifts his mighty weapon, and says "with this, I hope you learn your lesson in respect, you crazy cop!"

The boy swings that hammer with all his might and smashes to the right side of where the girl is, making a crater under the large weapon and sending her flying free, though the sleeve of her kimono gets trapped under the metal head and the whole thing is shredded to pieces as she flies off.

Kotohime's gorgeous athletic body is now almost fully revealed because of the tight white shirt with the gorgeous cleavage cutout, the thin yellow belt-string around her perfect waist, and the sexy tight white pants that show off her womanly curves almost indecently well.

After she lands and takes a fierce-looking fighting stance, Nicolas begins to drool while staring with awe at the girl, and then says "by the GODS, you are a GORGEOUS woman!"

He takes his rubber chicken on hand, swings it around like one would a pair of nunchucks, then he threateningly says "but that won't save you from my spell card! HAVE AT YOU!"

He lifts his right arm in the air and declares "darn it all, that's right. I never made one for myself!"

Kotohime's triumphant grin takes over her entire face while she flashes a spell card of her own, and sinisterly says "no spell card? That's a shame. I love flying through patterns. Oh well, here comes mine."

She lifts her spell card up to her evil smiling face, chuckles, then declares "You're Under Arrest, Under the Line of Brutality!"

Nicolas' skin bleaches when he sees that redhead woman rushing straight at him with a vicious grin that reveals her murderous intent, and in the blink of an eye he finds himself pinned down by the policewoman.

She has her left knee on his spine, the other on his left shoulder, has his hands tied behind his back with rope, and his forehead pressed hard on the floor.

The boy roars his frustration out loud after she lets him lift his face, then asks "what the heck was that? What just happen!? And where's the danmaku!?"

The sexy police princess laughs victoriously, says "look around," and while the boy looks at all the purple petal-shaped bullets around them, she excitedly continues "that's right, now comes the brutality part."

Yellow lasers strike the ground all around them and send them both flying high through the sky, and as they scream, Rikako; who sits in the cockpit of a large humanoid mecha; laughs hard at them.

She lifts the machine's canon arm and exclaims "TAKE THAT! Ha! Science conquers all! Even fake curses!"

The mecha explodes so violently, the shockwave levels the entire west segment of the human village, and in just half a minute.

When the light from the explosion diminishes, all the houses are still mysteriously intact.

At the western gates of the village lie Shanghai, Hourai, Star, Rika, Alice and Nitori on their backs with hammers and nails to their sides while they pant with extreme fatigue.

The little fairy pants hard, and through quick breaths she manages to say "I don't... like hanging... around you guys... anymore!"


Meanwhile, at the deepest parts of the Palanquin's bowels, the child Byakuren security hologram laughs mischievously, then she runs around in a circle before stopping and giggling more innocently.

In the center of her attention is Ail, whom is bound, gagged and sacked up to his neck, and is glaring at the tiny monster with plenty of anger in his eyes.

She notices his angry stare, giggles quite happily, and says "oh, don't worry. I'm sure sooner or later somebody will miss you and come looking for you. Eventually, that is."

Ail mutters angrily, probably trying to threaten her or something, but all he manages to do is make her laugh, then she merely walks closer to him, scratches his head, and playfully says "we all heard that one before, mister 'Stu'."

The dense one mutters angrily, but his anger is wasted on a little monster that enjoys the suffering of other souls that are unfortunate enough to cross her path.

A cute white rabbit crosses the little Byakuren's path; cheering happily to itself; then the little girl sighs and rolls her eyes, points a finger at the defenseless creature, then Letty Whiterock falls on the girl, crushing her hopes of causing pain to cute, defenseless creatures.

The woman has curly lavender hair, lavender eyes, and wears a white hat, a blue dress, ridiculous white pants, and has a golden pin symbolizing the alchemical symbol for silver.

The yuki onna rubs her head as she stands up, looks around while muttering about random holes and Willie G.R. being a crappy writer, and then she notices the little girl under herself and gasps.

"Oh my winter, I crushed a munchkin," says Letty as she stares at the moaning little (questionable) hologram. "Hey, are you alright little girl?"

The tiny Byakuren moans a little longer, then suddenly scowls and shouts "get off me you fat cow!"

"Why, I never," grumbles Letty after such an insult, and then she and the little terror scream when a perfectly round hole opens up underneath them.

Ail merely sighs and doesn't seem surprised at all, and then Seiga pops her head through the hole, looks around, and says "excellent! Now all I have to do is make this thing crash."

Nazrin appears behind the wicked hermit, is tapping her foot impatiently, has her hands on her hips, and is staring angrily at the blue haired woman.

Seiga turns around, looks at the mouse, lifts her right hand, and with a bright smile on her face, she says "hey, you, help me out, will 'ya?"

Nazrin pulls a wooden mallet from behind her back and smashes it on the woman's head with enough force to make the floorboard underneath her spring, thus sending the stowaway plummeting down, and herself flying against the wall.

Sanae drops from the dark ceiling wearing a smug smile and holding her right hand like a gun, looks around, exclaims "give me back Ail and Yuki!" then jumps away, disappearing into the darkness.

Right after Seiga's hole magically seals up, Rikako breaks through it and thuds hard when she lands on her back.

She sits up while rubbing her sore back and her shoulders, winces from the pain on her back, then sighs and says "who knew falling to the sky would hurt so much."

She gets on to her wobbly feet, looks at Ail, sighs, and then asks "and what happened t-WAAAAHHHH", but then she falls to and through the ceiling, leaving the boy alone again.

The boy sighs, looks around for a way to escape, though is feeling really depressed over the fact that everyone except Rikako ignored his presence, so he's not paying attention to the machete that's behind him and ready to cut him loose.

At that moment, Sunny Milk rushes to the room, knocks Ail on his back, looks around with despair, gasps when noticing the hole on the floor, and then dives right through it.

Seconds later, Shadow Kyo enters the area looking angry, exhausted, but determined, steps on Ail, crushing his shoulders and legs, then furiously shouts "give me back Rikako, you evil little magic fiend!"

He dives into the hole Sunny jumped in, and can be heard screaming after realizing he's falling straight to the ground.

As his screams get fainter, the little blonde fairy flies back inside the ship, chuckles mischievously, and then runs back toward the stairs up to the deck.

Ail is left on the ground, sniffling and sobbing, and now no more characters are going to pop their heads around here, so let's move on.


Meanwhile, at the Hakurei Shrine, a particular guest has just lifted the veil on what was one of the most boring days for dear Reimu; at the expense of someone else, of course.

This guest is a male with hazel eyes, thick brown hair, and wears a red t-shirt and blue jeans under a black coat.

His name is Wolfsbane, and for some reason I don't understand, Cirno is clinging on to his neck and refuses to let him go, though he doesn't seem to mind at all.

Reimu and Rika walk out of the shrine to join their guest on the veranda, and the happy shrine maiden coos to get his attention, smiles sweetly at him, waves her hand, then sits down next to him after having made him blush.

The angelic maid walks to him with a tray with tea on hand, offers the tea, and says "thank you for waiting. She's ready now, so we can start whenever you're ready."

The boy nods as he accepts his tea mug and says "alright. I'm ready now, so let's see."

The ice fairy scowls, then says "come on Wolfie! You promised we would go on an adventure today!"

The boy pats Cirno on the head twice, smiles, and says "sorry Cirno, but this is kind of important."

"Um, I changed my mind! I don't want to do this!" calls Tenshi from behind the doors of the storage house.

Everybody frowns (Rika and Reimu looking the most disappointed), and then Rika sweetly says "aww, but you look so cute! Please~! You made Miss Reimu so happy. It would make me very, very happy to see you too."

Reimu merely nods while pouting ever so adorably, then the celestial replies "really? No kidding? ...Alright then, but let it be known I'm doing it for you, Rika, and not for that pervert I'm being forced to entertain."

Wolfsbane merely scoffs at that remark and sips on his tea, while the shrine maiden claps and cheers silently.

And so, out comes Tenshi Hinanai wearing a pink sleeveless leotard with rose stockings and a glittery, frilly, rose skirt.

The outfit clings on her body so well, her surprisingly small yet generous breasts can no longer hide, her gorgeous hips seem to be those of an angel, and her round and curvy and round posterior remains exposed, even with the frilly skirt on her. I did mention round, right?

Her cute face turns twice as adorable when her cheeks turn from rose to red while she looks down to the ground while she rubs her right foot over her left, and holds her hands behind her back while shifting her body uncomfortably.

Reimu's eyes sparkle with stars as she delights herself by the sight, and smiles innocently and dreamily toward blushing celestial.

Rika is flapping her tiny wings uncontrollably, betraying the calm front she's trying to put up. It is plainly obvious she wants to jump the celestial.

Wolfsbane tries hard to look calm, and almost succeeds too if it weren't for the blood rushing down his nostrils, and his trembling lips as well.

He stands up, claps his hands once, bows his head at the blue haired girl, and says "this is oh-so delighting. I thank you for your hard work. Now please, dance as we agreed you would."

Tenshi's eyes become puppy-like as she glances upward toward the boy; almost destroying him with cuteness overload in the process; and whimpers while shaking her head.

A small vein pops on Wolfs' forehead, yet he manages to smile and say "come on, we had an agreement. Just a small dance and I'm off, back to my own fic."

The celestial shakes her head left and right and meekly cries "no. It's embarrassing. I don't wanna."

The boy sighs while holding his mouth, thinks for a while, then says "alright then, since you are not upholding your end of the deal, I challenge you to a danmaku battle, and if I win, I want to see that dance!"

The shy celestial doesn't answer, and now crosses her arms over her chest while curling up.

Wolfsbane sighs again, takes a spell card on hand, and says "fine, but remember that you made me do this. Emblem of- ...Wait a minute, I'm not supposed to bully you."

Aya lands on the boy's head and stands on one leg, cutting his concentration and causing him to immediately drop his spell card, thus making Tenshi the victor of the non-fight.

She takes a picture of the adorable celestial, then exclaims "the supposedly-tomboyish celestial in such a pretty girly getup? This will make it to the front page for sure!"

"I'll get her!" exclaims Cirno before shooting a freezing cold blast from her hands and falling off Wolfsbane's back.

The tengu girl is already in the air, laughing victoriously as she prepares to leave, but Suzaku swoops down from out of nowhere and tackles her back to the ground, telepathically saying "you just don't learn, do you!?"

While Aya screams as though she is being skinned alive, Rika activates her Soraogan blood limit to accept Tenshi into her arms, covers her up well while holding her tight, and softly says "there, there, it's alright Momoko. It's all over. I'll protect you."

The poor celestial sniffles on the maid's shoulder and whimpers "thank you Rika. I love you. You are a real friend."

She fails to notice the blushing face on the maid, or the fact that she's being held on to too tightly, seeing as those soft feathers appear to relax her greatly.

Meanwhile, Reimu stands next to Cirno and shakes her head in disappointment while the distressed fairy exclaims "I swear, I thought I hit the bird girl!"

Their concern is aimed toward Wolfsbane, who is now inside the center of a rather large iceberg made by the ice fairy herself.

The blue haired fairy sniffles, looks at Reimu, and begs "please, do something! He gave me really tasty food this morning!"

The shrine maiden shakes her head while shrugging, then a couple of angels sing while they rise from the ground and head toward heaven, effectively getting the girls' (and frozen boy's) attention.

From the spot the angels rose from slowly rises Okuu, wearing a white robe and a shawl over her black wings.

She smiles at the little fairy and cheerfully says "don't worry, I'll get him out."

Before little Cirno can protest, Utsuho lifts her arm cannon and declares "Explosion Sign, Giga Flare!"

A bright flash of atomic light can be seen from the Human Village, and all attention now turns to the east.

While the villagers stare, they all suddenly narrow their eyes and shield themselves from the sun while staring at a human shape spinning in the air.

"That's Rikako," comments Kotohime, who still lacks her kimono and is getting plenty of attention from both men and women.

And like she said, Rikako is spinning in the air as she flies away from the Hakurei shrine, screaming at the top of her lungs "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY~"

Meanwhile, at the largest mansion in the village, Akyuu runs through the halls of her home while angrily shouting "quit it you pervert! I'm I don't like Aky-poo as a nickname, so STOP IT!"

Behind her, Minako runs as though chasing after a lover, while almost crying "awww, then how about AKyuu-chan! Oh, but it's so redundant! YOU ARE SO CUTE!"

A washtub falls so hard on the servant's head, she comes to an abrupt stop with her head as the breaks and everything settles down again.

The cute chronicler keeps five feet away while inspecting the bump on her servant's head, then suddenly writes down furiously on a notepad when five tiny Koakumas fly above the pervert's bump, singing "koa~ KOA~, Ko-koa~, Ko-ko-koKOA~"

One of the tiny little demons flies toward Akyuu, spins once in the air, and sings in 'La Cucaracha's' style "kokokoko~A- kokokoko~A- ...ko-koko-koko-koa- CHA-CHA-CHA!"


That afternoon, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Yumeko in her sexy leotard fiddles around with a gun-shaped item on a small table she's adorned with an elegant napkin.

Behind her is Mai, who has placed an elegant skirt around her waist to cover her sexy legs, and appears to stand ready to follow any kind of command from the blonde maid.

To her left is Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, whom has her green hair lose, and reaching down to her lower back, has blue eye, and although standing in attention, she looks relaxed.

She would usually wear an elaborate outfit in blue, red and white with golden adornments, but since she's in the mood for fun, she's only wearing a metallic-blue leotard with metallic-black stockings, and a pair of pink slippers.

Her girly frame looks wonderfully curvy, her chest is surprisingly average, and her legs; her best assets; make those stockings look perfect for her.

The winged ice witch glances over at the Yama, and asks "say, what are you doing here? And why does it look like you're not in charge, like you should be?"

The green haired girl smiles, winks, then says "like the author just said; I'm in the mood for fun, so I won't be lecturing or judging while on this fiction. Heh-heh, I am wondering what kind of mischief I'll get dragged into?"

Mai shivers with fright as she stares at Eiki, and after her face turns slightly pale, she thinks "she is SO out of character! This author is insane! He's gonna get FLAMED FOR THIS!"

"Shiki!" barks Yumeko so suddenly, making Mai choke when gasping.

The cute Yama steps forward, accepts a small mallet and a nail, then bows her head slightly and says "it will be done, Chief Maid"

After Eiki disappears, Mai's face turns blue with fright while thinking "this is nuts! What is going on here? What is she doing with that hammer and nail? Why do I keep thinking so much stuff at once!?"

"Mai~" sweetly calls the blonde maid, making said girl so nervous, she shivers while walking.

Yumeko hands the winged girl a long rubber cable, a thick, rubbery flat stub with a pair of flat holes, and two small copper plates, and says "go with Shikieiki, and make sure you two finish the job."

The nervous ice witch nods twice and says "hai!", then rushes off to the deck while Yumeko starts cackling like a maniac, apparently overexcited about something; something big.

Meanwhile, Mai makes her way to the deck, looks around for Shikieiki, finds her stalking Shinki in the captain's cabin, and squeaks a "what?" as she begins her walk toward them.

She suddenly stops and gasps; leaving her now-square-shaped mouth wide open; drops the items entrusted to her, then runs to the cabin while screaming "NOOOOOO! SHINKIIIIIII!"

Eiki lifts the small mallet and places the nail on the Makaian goddess' head, takes careful aim, and then the ice witch enters the room, jumps on the Yama, the green haired girl ducks, the winged girl crashes on the sleeping goddess, and while Eiki hammers the wall, the chair, Shinki and Mai make a complete mess of the cabin as their bodies roll and pinball all around the room.

After everything settles down, the smiling judge giggles to herself and says "a job well done. ...Oh?" and that's when she notices the senseless destruction around her and whispers "wow, these girls know how to have fun."

The flipped table flies to the ceiling and falls back to the ground (with its chairs all back in their place), then Shinki rises from where the table was and furiously asks "Mai, what is the meaning of this!? Seriously child, I could have expected this of Yuki, but you!? Explain yourself!"

Mai lies on her back with her arms lightly lifted while her hands are bent down in a very cute manner, and after some whimpering she finally speaks up.

"I'm so sorry Lady Shinki! I thought the Yama was going to nail you on the head! Please forgive me! Don't turn me into a cyclops!"

The sexy goddess raises an eyebrow in confusion, mutters "the Yama?", turns around to look at the waving Eiki, waves back while staring in confusion, then says "someone will have to explain this one to me."

"It's simple," begins Yumeko from the doorway. Lightning and thunder clash behind her, startling her and causing a sweat drop to betray her charismatic smile, then says "I was building something very useful for my Lady Shinki, and Miss Shiki was helping me, while Mai would assist her."

She scratches the side of her head and adds "but I never thought she would go all 'Yuki' on me and act on impulse like that. ...Ten points will be deducted from your chocolate syrup jar."

Mai moans and cries her discontent, but merely pokes her fingers while pouting and saying "I get it. I'm sorry."

The maid sighs, and then the goddess notices the blonde holding something under a blanket, and cutely points at it and asks "Yumeko dear, what's that you got there?"

The blonde smiles, twirls around dramatically, and announces "I, with the help of Miss Eiki, have finally perfected the revolutionary..."

She pulls the covers off a white blow-dryer with elegant golden adornments, and attached to it is the rubber string, stub and metal bands Mai had dropped, revealing them to be the electric plug needed for the machine to work.

Yumeko spins around, taking dramatic poses after every revolution, then raises the item above her head and declares "...Super Perfectly Elegant Blow-Dryer! Yumeko-enhanced; for Lady Shinki's personal use!"

Mai and Shinki both clap while ooh-ing, then the maid approaches the Yama and asks "and so, is it ready yet, Miss Shikieiki!?"

Eiki smiles and nods, points toward the lower part of the wall that stood beside the chair Shinki was sitting on, and says "ready for its immediate use. It absorbs the energy around us and converts it to the needed electricity for that dryer to work."

They stare at the white electrical plug, the maid grins, plugs the blow-dryer, and eagerly says "excellent. Lady Shinki, if you please. I would like to give you a demonstration."

Shinki is already sitting on the chair with a very happy smile on her face, and happily says "oh please; and comb my hair while you're at it. I just love it when Yumeko combs my hair."

The maid blushes and sighs with delight while holding on to her cheeks and while in that state of bliss she prepares the blow-dryer and speaks wobbly "alright then. Please be seated."

The Makaian goddess eagerly shifts her body while on her chair, smiling brightly in expectance of the treatment she's about to receive, and then it happens.

Yumeko sets the dryer on low, aims it at the chunk of Shinki's hair she's holding, presses the button, and a lime-green beam zaps right out of the machine.

Shinki instinctively dives to the floor, and Mai gasps and jumps out of the way of the beam, while the blonde maid smiles with shock toward nowhere in particular while still firing that beam.

Outside, the Scarlet Demon Ark is cut in half by the beam, the Unnamed Ghostly Ship explodes exaggeratedly hard, the Palanquin dismantles on its own, and the S.S. In Your Face Murasa catches fire once more, all while Rikako is trapped in a bubble while inside a giant pinball machine that keeps beating her to a pulp.

Back at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Yumeko, Mai and Shinki are on their knees, while Shikieiki paces left and right in front of them, saying "...and furthermore, just because you live in Makai doesn't mean you can do as you please all the time. You have to do one good deed a day, brush your teeth, comb your hair, and NOT! BUILD! Doomsday devices; and that goes double for you, Miss maid!"

A perfectly round hole opens up under the Yama, sending her plummeting to the ground below, as she has, apparently, forgotten she can fly. How fun.

Seiga pops her head out of the hole, looks around, and then exclaims "oh wow, this place looks expensive. Mind if I have a look around?"

Yumeko glowers as she raises a golden washtub, smashes it on the wicked hermit's head, and then an unnecessarily bright explosion turns the whole scene white.

Moments later, at a clearing on the Forest of Magic, the girls groan as they get off the ground, while others look up to the sky with wonder.

Even Eiki notices the lack of falling debris, so she joins the other girls and looks up to the sky.

She gasps with surprise when she sees all five ships floating in the air without a scratch on them, then she comments "but it's the end of this chapter. So far, on all the other chapters, the debris crushes every unfortunate soul on the ground. What happened?"

At the center of the clearing, Shanghai, Hourai, Nitori, Luna, Star, Alice, Rika, and Rikako lie on their backs with their hammers on the side while panting hard and fast.

The science woman groans, takes a deep breath of fresh air, and says "how did I even get here?"


That early evening, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, Shanghai and Hourai are being treated to anything they want by the five captains, all while Sanae and Yuki try to convince the furious Ail that they really didn't see him in the furnace when they turned it on; and on full blast.

Budou is sharing a table with Hina; the former enjoying a grape sundae, while the latter enjoys a key-lime pie; and they chat and laugh casually while looking at Yumemi's face, while said girl keeps glaring at adult Remilia's jiggling chest over there.

The entrance door bangs open, and all attention goes straight to the roaring kittens trying to maim Rikako Asakura, who is full of bloody cuts, bruises, and her leotard has holes on several spots.

"BACK! BACK, YOU EVIL LITTLE BEASTS!" shouts the scientist at the kittens hissing at the door, ignoring Shadow Kyo's calls for help while the kittens shred his life to bits.

She manages to kick the little cats' faces and close the door, then presses her back against it while placing a hand on her nice chest while breathing hard and fast through her mouth.

She spots Hina and Budou, jumps to their table, lands on the floor next to said table, grabs the goddess' boot, then cries "PLEASE, FORGIVE ME! I swear, I won't doubt your powers again! Please, please, pleeeeaaase, take this curse away before I die!"

Shadow Kyo screams as though his life is being taken from him several times at once, but nobody seems to really care.

Kyo notices him, grabs a mug of beer from the counter, shrugs, then says "he'll be alright." before taking a swig from that mug.

Hina looks down at Rikako, smiles smugly, picks the woman up by her cheeks, and softly says "well, I am so glad for you. You finally understand you shouldn't underestimate that which logic can't comprehend."

The curse goddess presses her lips against the purple haired woman's own and threatens to suck the life out of her while everybody around them 'ooh' and 'aah' at the sight (some even recording the event with inexplicable camcorders), and then she stops.

Still holding the science woman by the face, she gently pushes her away, whispers "mmm~ what a nice kiss," and then she smiles, lets Rikako drop to the ground, and says "there. All your misfortunes have been taken into me."

Hina takes a bite off her key-lime pie, coos, and says "you had so much too. Were you holding it back all this time? That's very unhealthy."

Rikako springs on her feet, grabs the goddess' hand and shakes it hard while excitedly saying "I don't care for that suggestive dialogue just now, I just want to THANK YOU SO MUCH! I love you!"

She hugs the aquamarine haired goddess, kisses her on the cheek, laughs happily while hugging her tight, then pushes her back to her seat and says "right! Now it's time to get to work on that project!"

She rushes to the door, opens it to find sweet little kitten begging to be pet, sighs at their sight, and says "I'm sorry little kitties, but I have a job to do."

She picks the cut, bruised and moaning mess that's Shadow Kyo from beneath the cats, wraps him under her arm, and takes flight while shouting "come on my assistant! It's time to CREATE!"

The boy whose spirit is escaping through his mouth moans as a reply as he hangs limp like a rag doll under the woman's surprisingly strong arms.

ONE MONTH LATER:

Rikako and Shadow Kyo stand in the corridor of the Scarlet Devil Mansion's basement where they are handing over the child-sized, automated blonde doll to the child Flandre.

The blonde vampire sniffs the little doll, yelps and jumps back when said doll raises her hand to greet her new playmate, and then Flan jump-hugs her until it explodes on her face.

The adult Remilia is about to lose her head with anger when the doll suddenly recomposes itself, greets Flandre again, then punches her in the eye, knocking her out cold on the ground.

Everybody blushes and seem to merely coo at the development, then they all laugh when that same doll grabs Flandre by the legs and drags her into the room, ready to do who-knows-what to the poor vampire.

Everybody laughs, and then they all walk away to the mansion's exit.

Watching everything from the distance, Alice narrows her eyes when she sees her chance to attack and says "let's go."

Shanghai pulls back on the blonde youkai and whispers "wait mama Alice. I feel a disturbance in the f*rce!"

Hourai bumps her sister on the head and says "that's copyright stuff that sis!"

Alice holds her two little girls by the head and sweetly says "don't worry my dears; I'm just going to observe that doll. If I can understand how it works, maybe I'll be a step closer to making my own automated doll."

She lets their heads go, crawls from under the carpet, and whispers "now come on. Who knows how long that doll will last with that vampire."

She rushes over to the door, opens it as quietly as she can, peeks inside, and then she's naked under the blankets on her own bed, with the naked little Flandre to her left, and the cigarette-smoking doll to the right.

Alice looks completely unamused as she stares at her ceiling, then whispers to herself "what the fuck just happen?"

The little vampire giggles sweetly, grabs the puppeteer's hand, places it on her own little chest, and softly says "you are really good."

The magician's face turns purple with fright when thoughts of what could have happened rush through her mind, and then, from the floor, Patchouli weakly says "mukyuu. N-next time, don't be so rough!"

Alice springs on to a sitting position, looks down to the right of her bed, and on the floor are a conveniently covered naked Patchouli, and the conveniently covered Shanghai and Hourai, panting hard while on their backs.

Hourai takes several quick breaths, smacks her lips to wet her dry mouth, and then asks "what the heck kind of punch-line is this, Willie!?"


Yuka grabs the camera, pulls it to her gorgeous breasts, pulls it up to her furious face, then says "hey, Willie, where the heck is MY scene!? You've been writing quite a few of these 'Almost Pirates' crap chapters, WITHOUT ME!"

She pulls the top of her shirt open to show off her glorious cleavage and angrily adds "I am much more sexy than these other girls, so get your damned act straight, and get me into a swimsuit, or a leotard; something sexy! I AM SEXY, Willie, and don't you DARE say otherwise, you hear me!?"

The scene begins to face, and she furiously shouts "wait, I'm not done with you! You come back here! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"


To be continued...

Characters, spell cards and scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Budou, Kimi, and Kyo were created by Willie G.R.

Kotohime's spell card: "You're Under Arrest, Under the Line of Brutality" was created by Willie G.R.

Rika and Suzaku were created by Snapshot 2010 (who might get a cameo appearance in here someday *evil smile*)

Damien was created by Hydroviper

Special cameo appearances by: "Nicolas Crossworth, and Wolfsbane706. Go ahead and search for them, then read their fics. I command you! Please?

SEP 25 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.


A/N:

Yup. I went insane. Was inspired to write this madness after something interesting happened. But now I feel I want to return to Reset Sukima, so I better get to it before Yuka gets me, or Yukari spanks me.


Yukari: Too late! *Holds a thick paddle*

Me: Oh shit! *Tries to run away*

Yukari: U-fu-fu-fu. I am going to enjoy this. *Has Willie on her lap*

Me: Oh shit, how the heck did I get here!? *Looks at paddle* OH NO!

Flandre: *Is laughing diabolically while Willie is being spanked* Take THAT, you stupid, evil, idiot-head of a bastard!