It is a beautiful early morning at the Moriya Shrine, and Ail is sitting at the veranda with Budou to his side; both enjoying a nice warm cup of tea made by Suwako, the only other person awake at the moment.

It appears to be a nice beginning for a very peaceful day, as even the Rabid Karate Night Sparrow is sleeping contently on a branch with its feathers puffed for comfort, and his head sunk under his wing.

The blonde goddess steps out of the living room, places her hands on her hips, looks to the sky, and says "it's way too peaceful today. Something's gonna happen soon."


A cabinet falls right on top of the goddess and sinks under the ground with her, then pops right back up in front of the dense boy and the cute fruit bat. No signs of Suwako, but they don't seem to mind.

The duo sip on their teacups, then the cute little bat youkai says "it's a cabinet," then narrows her eyes as she studies it, and then she adds "I think we should walk away while we can, papa."

Ail is already all over the cabinet, but stops after his little daughter's suggestion, looks back at her, and says "..." but before that, Suwako roars as she bursts out of the ground with a furious face.

She lands next to the boy, points at him, and says "NO WAY! You open that thing! It's the way this chapter is supposed to go!"

"You're just sore because it landed on your head, big sister." casually comments Budou before taking another sip of her tea.

Kero-chan lifts her hands above her head and roars in an attempt to terrify the bat; which utterly fails; and shouts "just LET HIM open the damned thing before the author gets bored!"

Anilan shrugs, looks at the teal-haired bat, shrugs with her, then turns around and opens the cabinet doors.

Inside the cabinet, the dense boy sees a beautiful meadow that expands as far as an ocean, and fairies, pixies, and sprites (not the game-type of sprites), laugh and giggle amongst themselves while playing various games of tag, sexy tag, and dirty sexy-sexy tag.

Anilan swears he saw an innocent underage pixie and a childish sprite playing dirty SEXY adult tag, but he shakes the idea off as the scenery changes.

The fae clear the scene, and then shortly after, a translucent purple tentacle monster runs (or sorta slithers... um, slides... something) with all its might as it cries for help.

It's very peculiar for the dense Anilan to see such a large creature running in fear and crying like a child, but understands his fright shortly after seeing what has the poor creature so scared.

Koakuma, who is a lot smaller than the creature, and wears a red sling-shot swimsuit, and has an ahoge standing up as straight as a stalagmite, chases after the creature with tenacity; her eyes revealing lust and madness.

She has a drooling smile, hearts are flying all over her head, her un-hidden tail wiggles around playfully, and she holds several toys on her hands; which happen to be pressed against her chest, which causes her breasts to seem bigger than usual while being quite free from much covering.

She notices Ail looking, smiles and calls "hi~! Please excuse me, but I have some very important business here. Ciao~"

The dense one merely nods once, hears the poor tentacle beast scream like a horror-movie diva, and then gulps when the sexy little devil's cackle echoes all over.


Ail's head explodes before he can voice his understandable confusion, the cabinet's doors close, and the furniture takes flight; with flames that mimic that of a rocket.

The boy's body turns around, as though facing the casual little bat that mutters "I told you," and the shocked-to-a-heart-attack Suwako.

He scratches what's left of his neck, then sighs and says "I have a headache."

The blonde goddess gasps with disgust, then shouts "NO! Just... NO, AIL! That's not funny! Gods DAMN it all!"

She walks inside the house, flips over a conveniently placed desk, then mutters angrily under her breath while storming to the bathroom.

The headless Ail now sits next to Budou and is pouring the tea on the hole where his head was, smacks... something similar to lips, then asks "what's her problem?

The little bat just rolls her eyes, and then says "Just roll with it. It's going to be a long one."

That very moment, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Shikieiki, who is in a dark blue leotard that's black on the bottom part, and shows off her gorgeous figure and surprisingly generous breasts, is seriously kicking Makaian asses as if it were a mere morning warm-up stretch.

She jumps over Sara's attempted kick and flip-kicks her butt before landing, side-steps left to avoid Yumeko's sword, grab the blonde's arm, easily flips her and throws her head-first on to the hard flooring, then smacks her butt with her Rod of Remorse.

"KOMACHIIII~!" she calls as she bends backward to avoid a giant, razor-sharp snowflake, then a girl with pinkish-red hair in twin tails, red eyes, and wearing a white leotard with red flames adorning the right and bottom, jumps on top of Mai's head, crushing the girl beneath herself, and slaps her jiggly butt for good measure.

The gorgeous shinigami grabs the border of her leotard's cleavage cut; which coincidentally does almost nothing to cover those large lewd breasts; and tries to pull it up, but doing so causes the tight suit to ride up her round posterior, so she immediately grabs back there and pulls it back down, almost popping her sexy mounds out of their constricting prison.

"Eiki-sama," she sniffles, "couldn't you find something more comfortable?" cries the Amazonian beauty. "I swear I feel as though this suit was MADE by some pervert who wants to see my body constricted."

Shikieiki smacks her subordinate on the head with the Rod of Remorse, and sternly says "Komachi, we do not complain about the author's perverted imagination. We simply go along and enjoy the ride. Besides, we can get him and beat him up when it's his turn to be judged."

A smile creeps itself onto the pink-haired girl's face, then the action resumes when she jumps off Mai to avoid Luize's palm strike (which happens to hit Mai's bottom), lands behind the blonde, locks her arms under the Makaian's armpits, then the Yama smiles while tickling the girl's pits with a feather.

Once the blonde is defeated and dropped on the ground on top of the ice witch, Shikieiki slaps that raised, round posterior with the back of her hand, causing a satisfying jiggle to occur, then the girl move toward the captain's quarters.

Komachi looks back and sees that there's not only Makaian's, but there's Mystia, Wriggle, cat-eared Maribel, and even Rikako lying on the floor with either a palm, or a rod, or both marks on their butts.

The shinigami laughs nervously, and says "well, you've been busy."

A tiny blonde doll in a light blue leotard crashes against the meaty girl's face, then the Yama says "watch out Komachi; this one's tough;" just before that doll explodes.

Alice Margatroid stands in front of the bowels doors with a brave and determined look on her face, AND a sexy light-blue leotard with a nice cleavage cut that allows for a nice peek without showing too much.

Hers also comes with integrated shorts that make it look as though she's wearing a g-string over black lycra shorts. "Aww, COME ON" complains the burned Komachi.

To her left, Shanghai wears a dark blue leotard, and to her right, Hourai wears a dark red leotard with a long-sleeved, long-legged black body suit underneath.

The blue-clad tiny blonde exclaims "don't worry, mama Alice!", the red-clad cutie exclaims "we won't let you down!", then the puppeteer exclaims "good! Let's spank The Enma's butt!"

Shikieiki grins at the girls as she takes a fighting stance, Komachi rubs her face clean of the soot, then glares angrily at the blonde magician and her tiny daughters, then the letters 'V' and 'S', along with sparks of lightning, appear between them.

A couple of yellow life bars appear above the girls; three over Alice, Shanghai and Hourai, and two over Shikieiki and Komachi; and the battle begins!

Fist, Komachi steps into a now-semi-2D scene with Alice, but the blonde quickly jumps out of the scene and calls for Shanghai and Hourai.

They immediately charge the shinigami, and crash on her soft and bouncy boobs, where they immediately sigh and hold on tight before relaxing to a sleeping state. They are THAT comfortable.

The Amazonian shinigami grins as a red vein pulsates on her forehead, she grabs the two cute blondes by the torsos, spread her arms apart (poor Shanghai gasps because she knows damned well what comes next), and then she smashes both little girls together with a mighty clap, emptying their life bars completely.

Alice is forced back into the scene, where she gasps and calls for her little girls, however, the fight is still on, and Komachi jumps away from the scene while saying "enjoy the rest, Eiki-sama."

Just as the cute Yama enters the scene, the puppeteer pulls the complaining Yuki out of her pockets and says "you burn in hell!"

The blonde fire witch looks around in confusion, then asks "what the hell is going on here!?", but that's when Eiki winds her Rod of Remorse, makes it grow ten times its own size, and swings it with all her might.

Poor Yuki turns around at that very moment, and receives the most epic, painful, heart-stopping spanking of her life, and all thanks to dear sister Alice.

Before said blonde puppeteer realizes what happens, Shiki performs a ridiculously complicated button combination, rushes toward Alice while leaving quick-vanishing after-images of herself behind, then everything becomes black.

The horrifying things that could be happening to the puppeteer at this very moment are many, but censoring prevents us from seeing what she's going through, though we can see how her life bar empties out in a second while she screams, moans and groans.

The scene lights up again, and Alice's scream echoes three times as she flies in the air in slow motion with her legs spread open (and remain spread even after she falls), then the Yama stands with her back turned as the words "Fanservice Wins" appear in gold above her head.

With all their opponents defeated, and the world returning to normal, Komachi is revealed to be blushing and panting hard while staring at her boss, and showing no signs of restrain whatsoever, she says "hey, Eiki-sama, you look real good in that there body suit."

The green haired girl sticks her now-gloved-clawed fingers into her subordinate's nose, then pulls her to the captains quarter's while nonchalantly saying "let's go Komachi; and please don't fall to temptation so quickly."

In the ship's bowels, they quickly read "The Captain's Room" on the first door they see.

Eiki kicks-open the door with a bang, then Shinki, Byakuren, Yukari and Yuyuko gasp in unison with surprise from within.

"You're late!" exclaims the Makaian goddess. "We were about to continue without you!"

The women sit on rather comfortable-looking chairs around a mahjong table, where pieces are set in place, and a game seems to have already been under way.

Shikieiki bows after releasing Komachi's nose, apologizes, then says "had some trouble getting back, but now that I'm here, let's continue."

"MAHJONG!?" screams the furiously confused shinigami after suddenly rising from the floor. "We kicked asses in tight dresses just to get to a game of mahjong you had already STARTED!?"

"Well, yes." casually replies the green haired Yama. "Where's the fun in just walking back in?"

Komachi turns around, faces a conveniently placed desk, roars when she flips it; crushing Meiling underneath it (for no real reason); then storms off on her own, muttering curses, as well as cussing my name and promising vengeance on me, the author.

I am... admittedly frightened.

Somewhere in the pitch-black bowels of the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Yuyuko runs as though her life depended on it.

Her face is full of dirt and bruises, cuts invade her gorgeous body, what little blood runs through her stains her white shirt and cool pirate outfit, and all while she pants hard and looks around in horror.

"All of this just because I won at mahjong; or is this for eating Byakuren's buns?" she asks herself while running.

The sound of boxes and metal falling to the ground behind her unsettles her not-beating heart, makes her feel cold-er, and she pants harder and faster than before, almost seeming lewd.

She finds a door and turns the knob in the blindness of the dark. Upon entering the room, she is gifted some light, but is cursed with the fact that the room is wide, is stacked with boxes, barrels, and random stuff, but has no other exit.

She still enters it, goes all the way to the back, then something fast enters with her; moving too fast to make anything out of it, and hides behind the boxes and barrels stacked on the right side.

Yuyuko whimpers with every pant as she tries to claw her way out of the room, knocking some cardboard covers off the walls to reveal ONE Medicine behind them.

The poor doll youkai doesn't even realize what happens when the ghostly pirate princess picks her up, and throws her to the right side of the room, causing an explosion of purple clouds to invade said room.

Yuyuko walks out of the room, coughing hard even though she lacks actual lungs to be suffocated, fans her hand under her nose, then rushes off back into the darkness, followed quickly by the speedy blur.

Her sexy panting resumes as she runs down those dark corridors, and now that she's reaching parts where there's a little bit of light, we can enjoy seeing her chest bouncing around as she runs.

The service goes as far as having her shirt get stuck on a misplaced wall nail, ripping the fabric and making the cleavage cut even wider; wide enough for us to admire her pink flowers bra holding her bouncy pearls in.

Let's wipe the drool off our mouths and continue.

She can see the light of the outside further into the corridors. It's teasing her with its shining brightness; mocking her as that creature gets closer and closer to her.

Her whimpering become cries as she tries to run faster, but as soon as she speeds up, her feet tangle and she falls on her gorgeous breasts... and her face afterward.

She resorts to crawling as fast as she can to continue her run, but her chaser grabs her by the ankles, turns her around by force, jumps on top of her, then she screams softly for a bit, then sexily says "oh my goodness. I'm going to be eaten. Mmm~"

She sighs as Mystia gets her face closer to the princess' neck, and then the night sparrow whispers "gah~. I am going to eat you~"

A door to their immediate right bursts open, and Youmu quickly draws Hakurouken and demands "get off her before I cut your head off, bird girl!"

Before the pink haired bird jumps off with fright, the pink haired princess scowls at her gardener and says "calm down, Youmu. We're merely playing 'Mokele-Mbembe' horror story, H version!"

"Yeah, go bother someone else!" demands Mystia after getting some courage.

The swordswoman blushes with both embarrassment and because of the pheromones in the air, when a door to the girls' immediate left bursts-open with a bang.

Yoshika groans with frustration after seeing Mystia on top of Yuyuko, and angrily says "dammit, that's not FAIR! I wanted to eat the princess!"

She grabs the edges of a conveniently placed table (where Medicine is currently standing), then flips it with all her might and a mighty roar, then she hops away through a door that reads "Angry Exit Only".

With their game ruined, Yuyuko and Mystia sigh as they sit on the corridor, open up the pineapple, then begin to chow down with bored expressions.

Meanwhile, at the privacy of a certain captain's quarters, on a certain Scarlet Demon Ark, which shall remain unmentioned... never mind; the curvaceous Adult Remilia sits in front of a desk where she's placed a sheet of ice.

On her two middle fingers of both hands she has placed tiny ice-skates, a tutu, a blonde wig on her left hand, and a light-blue wig on the right.

She studies her hands carefully before placing them on the ice sheet, looks around as though waiting for something, then sighs and smiles, and then she begins to cheer silently, making as though there's a multitude.

As she does this, she makes as if her hands are ice skating in perfect synchronization while whispering "and the crowd stares in awe at the beautiful Remilia, and her not-so beautiful sister's performance on the ice."

The doors bursts open with a bang, the vampire yelps and hides her hands between her legs, now Sakuya stands under the doorway with a neutral expression while her mistress shrieks "WHA-WHAT IS IT!? Can't you knock first!?"

The elegant maid's expression remains neutral as she salutes her mistress with a punch to the chest, and says "Mistress Remilia, I did not see you playing Ice-Skating Princess with your hands again!"

"What the hell are you copying there, you bitch?" mutters the vampire under her breath. "Out with it! What is it now!?" demands the curvy woman, making her own chest jiggle about.

The elegant chief maid raises an eyebrow while eying her mistress' breasts, and blushes a bit while saying "you'll be pleased to know breakfast is being served soon, but Flandre ripped Patchouli's skirt off, and now it's raining tight white panties in the kitchen, so we'll be dining in the guest room with the goddesses."

"And...?" questions Remilia while giving the silver-haired girl a dismissive look.

"And, seeing as there are panties flying everywhere, we have decided to make it a skirtless feast, so please make sure to wear those new tight panties I bought for you."

A drop of sweat rolls on the side of the vampire's face, and her eyes disappear under a dark shadow, then she says "you're a real pervert, but I'll play along with the skirtless feast. Just don't expect me to wear those. They're disgusting and lewd."

"Understood," says the maid with a bow, and before long, she's already sliding out the room and closing the door after herself.

A sigh of relief escapes dear Remilia, but then she notices Kanako standing next to her with a smile on her face, and freaks out so much, she swallows her own yelp.

Feeling great pain on her chest from having swallowed a scream, Remilia drops on her knees while gripping her chest tightly, then the goddess leans closer, presents her own hands adorned on the same manner as Remilia's (only one is dark-blue haired), and cheerfully whispers "are you game?"

The mistress calms down after a few breaths, smiles after returning to her seat, and then places her hands on the ice sheet again, along with the wind goddess' own.

They restart the game of synchronized ice skating, making it easier to perform now that there's an extra set of hands, and when comfortable enough, they start whispering and giggling.

The door bursts open with a bang, Remilia flips the desk, Kanako screams as she is crushed between the desk and the wall, then Sakuya enters the room with blood hanging under her nose and a desperate look in her eyes, and exclaims "PLEASE PUT THEM ON! I WANT TO SEE THEM ON YOUR PERFECT BODY!"

"No means NOOOO!" screams the distressed vampire after jumping on her feet. She takes off running to the corner of the room, winds her arm back to break a new opening on the wall with her fist, and then she suddenly finds herself lying on the bed in a pair of black bras and thongs, with Sakuya on top of her.

"Get OFF ME before I kill you, you pervert!" demands the vampire mistress.

The human smiles, raises a hand with a feather held by it, grins with undeniable lust, and says "just lay there, My Lady, and enjoy it."

Kanako, who is somehow completely unharmed, stands in shock next to the bed, waves awkwardly at the girls as they begin the odd tickle session, and says "hello, I'm still here."

Sakuya frowns, and then sadly says "but I don't want to do a threesome today."

Remilia and Kanako gasp simultaneously, both prepare red orbs of energy meant to punish the human, and then the desk falls back to the ground, breaks a hole on it, and like a super toilet, the entire room is drained into the hole.

At the Palanquin, Rumia and two cute bunnies (brown to her left and white to her right) appear to be having a peaceful time of merry hopping and dancing. Poor bunnies.

Byakuren walks by where the little blonde is, smiles tenderly at the adorable sight before her, and then she says to herself "my, what a lovely child," and then she continues her way to the deckhouse, where a group seems to be enjoying a rather loud game of cards.

In the room, Kyo, Minamitsu, Chiyuri, and the headless Ail sit around a square table, each holding to a deck of cards and keeping their faces close to said packs, while eyeing each other dirtily every once in a while.

Kyo and Chiyuri dispose of matching pair of cards from their hands, Ail shifts some of his cards around until they are completely mismatched, and Minamitsu growls and clutches her hair while looking at her large pack.

The dense one is currently holding the Joker card, but looking at how calm his face is (what face?), it's anybody's guess as to who really has said card.

The headless boy puts his cards closer to his long-time friend's, and says "alright, it's your turn. Pick a card."

The muscled boy quickly reaches for the three of spades he needs to rid himself of another set, but after glancing at his friend's eyes(?), he grins triumphantly and quickly reaches for another card.

He takes his new card with pride, places it on his hand, and gasps with horror at the sight of the Joker card.

Minamitsu and Chiyuri chuckle, then the black haired sailor says "looks like he's going to end up being the old maid again."

Kyo grunts with frustration, then says "shit Ail, you've already won four games in a row. You've developed one hell of a poker-face!"

The table rumbles, a girl screams "THIS! IS! NOT! POKEEEEEER!" the table explodes as Suwako jumps from underneath it, roaring as she pushes it up to the air, lands and pokes the muscled boy's nose when pointing at him, and angrily says "YOUUUUU! Why did you go along with that DAMNED JOKE! CURSE YOU ALL! IT! IS NOT! FUNNY!"

Somewhere at the Human Village, Medicine pays a sexy bunny that's just impossible to recognize as Reisen, and with a smile on her face as she takes her new fishing rod, she says "thank you very much. Now it's time I leveled up!"

The square table from the ship falls on top of the poor blonde, crushing her beneath it, and then the poor youkai girl moans as she slowly lifts her head to look at the surprised Reisen; whom we don't really know who she is; and says "oww, that really hurt. Willie must still be crying over the USB thing."

[Oh, I had forgotten about that...]

Poor blonde youkai grunts as she pushes herself up with no help from that bunny girl; who insists her name's Tia; that just stares at the little blonde with concern.

Medicine manages to push her torso up with one hell of a push-up, looks up at the sexy bunny, and grunts "a little help..." then an iron ball falls on her head and knocks her out, then another desk falls on her with Kanako underneath, then a large rock, and then Reimu flies by, shoots them both relentlessly with her charms, then flies away humming happily.

The unknown rabbit girl watches as the shrine maiden silently leaves, then says to herself "this is so suspicious!" And then a golden washtub falls on her head, leaving a steaming bump on the poor girl.

Seriously, who the hell is that girl?

Back at the Palanquin, Byakuren is patting the Kyo on the shoulder as she tries to comfort him after Suwako called him 'a fat Christmas special in a can'.

Ail comes by and says "don't worry Byakuren-san, we got this," and looking at the sincerity in his eyes(?), she nods and says "alright. Please be gentle with him."

On the background, Murasa and Chiyuri have locked each other in leg-scissors holds, yet both smile and flip a thumb up at the saint and say "you can count on us." They resume the dirty catfight afterward by gripping each others' hairs.

Satisfied, the magician monk walks back outside, where she is greeted by massive bloodstains spread all over the ship's deck.

Byakuren grunts irritably and scowls at the sight before her, looks to the front of the ship, and angrily says "Miss Rumia, why did you eat the bunnies!?"

The darkness youkai hops out of hiding with a sweet smile on her blood-covered face, looks up at the monk as if said woman was smiling back, then the two bunnies hop out from hiding behind her back, both stained with blood all over their adorable little mouths.

Hijiri gasps with surprise after having prevented herself from shrieking, then exclaims "w-wait a minute!? What in Buddha's name did you guys eat!?

The adorable little man-eater's smile becomes dangerously dark as her eyes begin to glow, and then she softly and sinisterly hisses "what indeed?"

Meanwhile, Orin is pushing her empty cartwheel on the background, crying sadly while looking around and saying "I can't find them anywhere."

Somewhere at the Youkai Forest, Minoriko and Shizuha Aki enjoy a peaceful indoors lunch, while outside their home the suspicious Keine lurks suspiciously, suspiciously looking around for who-knows-what. Suspiciously.

"Ahh~ that was a wonderful meal," sighs the contented goddess of harvest while patting her satisfied belly. "You've really outdone yourself with lunch today, Shizuha."

The elder Aki sighs, then says "you shouldn't be praising me as much. I am merely following my heart and allowing my hands to express themselves the way they are intended to."

These words frighten the younger goddess a great deal for good reasons, and quickly takes a hand mirror out of her pocket and inspects her eyes for any signs of poisoning.

After some time checking herself, and making sure she's healthy, she sighs and says to herself "what a relief. Geez, her obsession with 'the end' is starting to get on my nerves."

[I'll say. She's too pessimistic, isn't she?]

Minoriko opens her eyes wide, looks all over the house, then hesitantly asks "wh-who was that!? ...H-hello?"

[Hello Minoriko-chan. My, you're looking well today. Say, you wouldn't want to go out on a date with me-oh, shit, that's right; the fourth wall. Besides, you'll probably friend-zone me too.]

The young blonde's eyes fill with great fear, but being a deity, she refuses to let fear take the best of her, so she bravely says "whoever the hell you are, this better not be some prank, or I'll curse your food supply for a month!"

[Aww, come on, take a compliment! I'm trying to be nice! Anyway I'm kinda glad you can't see me, 'cause my hair's just... hairy. Sorry for that pun...]

The goddess of harvests breathes hard as fear takes the best of her, yet bravely shouts "SHOW YOURSELF, YOU FREAK!"

"Minoriko-chan, who are you talking to?" asks Shizuha with concern as she places a rose on a beautiful glass vase on the center of the table.

The well-endowed goddess hits the table with her hand, tipping over the rose and vase, and exclaims "don't shit me, Shizuha! That voice! Help me figure out where it's coming from so I can curse the bastard!"

[Sorry Minoriko. She can't hear me. I'm afraid that you are the only one that can hear me, even if I were to scream. Like so: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!]

Shizuha stares at her sister as though looking at a madman, then says "I'm sorry sis, but what are you talking about? What voice?"

The younger Aki blubbers when trying to speak, then points to the ceiling and says "Sh-Shizuha, I'm serious! There's a voice coming from all over the place. He even screamed just now! He sounds like a perverted young man!"

[HEY! I'm not a pervert! Maybe naughty, but...]

"Oh, shut it! Who the hell are you, mister! I have a good mind to-" [Name's Willie, Willie G.R., author of the current story you are in, as well as many more Touhou-related fanfictions I have written. And I can't see you either, though I can imagine you. Oh wait, that's the same, isn't it?]

The cute girl gasps and crosses her arms over her ample chest (as if it weren't covered enough), and angrily says "you pervert! Thi-this is just- ARGH! I'm going to curse you, Willie G.R.!"

Shizuha places her hand on her sister's shoulder, and as soon as she gets the younger sibling's yelping, nervous attention, she presses their foreheads together for a moment.

After a while, she moves away from her distressed sister, then says "sis, I think you need to take a bath and go to sleep. You're starting to worry me."

Minoriko grabs her sister by the shoulders, and shakes her up while desperately exclaiming "DAMMIT SHIZUHA, CAN'T YOU HEAR HIM!? He's talking right now, saying stuff like 'he can see me' and that he's 'imagining me naked'! THE PERVERT!"

[HEY! I never said that!]

"ARGH! He's talking again," cries out the bouncy girl.

Shizuha forces her sister on to the chair, looks around the house with suspicion for some time, sighs after a while, then turns back to her young sister, shakes her head disapprovingly, and dismissively says "come on, let's give you a nice warm bath and get you to sleep."

Minoriko tries to kick herself away from her older sister, but all she gets is to be carried over the shoulder like some sack of sweet potatoes by her older sister.


"BWAAAAAA~ and he's LAUGHING nowwwww! Waaaaahhhhh" desperately cries the autumn goddess.

This only gets her a pity-pat on the butt by her older sister as said blonde says "yeah, yeah, let's get you to bed. You're obviously overworked. ...Ooh, nice, firm bottom, sis. You gotta tell me your secret."

The suspicious Keine watches everything from outside, and right after the goddesses enter the bathroom, she says "wow, even gods are subject to madness, aren't they?"

To her left, the headless Ail says "it's all in the head, Keine-san."

The furious Suwako jumps from behind the house's couch, roars as she flips the center table, points at the window, then threateningly shouts "I'm warning you; quit the damned head jokes, you headless palooka!"

Meanwhile, at the Human Village, the black-hooded Nicolas Crossworth jumps from one roof to the next like some insane acrobat in his search for some way to reach Chiyuri's ship.

He arrives at the Suspicious Keine's shop, which is suspiciously closed, looks at the closed sign while jumping to its roof, and says "that blonde; I must get to her, somehow. She must be dealt with, before it is too late."

He jumps down from the suspicious school/shop's roof, makes quick work of the suspicious lock (he turns the knob), and enters while saying to himself "please forgive me, Miss Shopkeeper, but I will have to borrow some of your goods for a little while."

It takes him almost thirty minutes of wall-running, jumping on breakable platforms, destroying walls needlessly, and using his environment to climb all the way up a church (for some reason), but he finally manages to arrange one of Suspicious Keine's cannons so that it can fire him straight to the S.S. In Your Face Murasa.

"This is going to be so very uncomfortable," he says to himself as he settles inside the large iron barrel.

And he's shot off like a screaming rocket going straight to the intended ship; and there is Chiyuri, speaking with Shikieiki, who stands next to her subordinate, Komachi, who, because I want her to, is still wearing her sexy tight leotard from before. I'm not a pervert, just a healthy man.

The pink haired girl pulls on the leotard's bottom while holding the top from sliding, then cries "Eiki-sama, please, this thing keeps riding up by butt! Let me change!"

The yama, who at least wears her normal shirt over her leotard, sighs irritably, then says "I already told you, this is your punishment for ending my game of mahjong so abruptly."

Suddenly! Nicolas' face lands right in the shinigami's exposed cleavage (you can thank me later Nicolas), which makes his landing a hundred times more soft and comfortable than he had initially anticipated.

After some time of breathing in that soft, natural perfume and making sure his feet are secure on solid ground, the hooded boy gently pushes himself off the flushed girl, looks into her eyes, smiles warmly, and suavely says "madam, you and I need to get more acquainted. How about you and I have dinner under the stars tonight?"

Komachi's face turns redder as a soft smile slowly forms on her face, while Chiyuri exclaims "and who the HELL is this pervert!?"

At the same time, Shikieiki glares to the sky and says "author, Komachi is mine, so cut it out!"

Nicolas ignores the shinigami when he sees the blonde captain wannabe, points at her threateningly, and says "Miss Kitashirakawa, the time has come for you to pay for your insolence!"

Before the blonde has the chance to reply, he lifts a spell card and declares "Metal Sign, Not so Honorable Death!"

A washtub falls on Chiyuri's head, knocking her out cold in one blow, then the hooded boy kneels closer to her, closes her empty eyes, and says "Che tu possa riposare in pace. (May you rest in peace)"

He stands back up and turns around to face Komachi, but is surprised to see both the shinigami and Shikieiki swooning over him; hearts flying all over their heads and all; then lifts his arms invitingly and says "so, ladies, what say you to a stroll around the Garden of the Sun?"

A golden washtub falls on top of his head and knocks him straight into Komachi's cleavage, where he will eventually die a most wonderfully slow and painful death. Or not.

Shikieiki grabs him by the waist, pulls him off the busty girl, takes his place before said girl can even sigh in relief, then rubs her face against that pale skin, tickling her subordinate and making her moan and giggle almost as the same time.

The yama pulls half of her face away from those mounds to glare at nowhere in particular, then says "I'll say it one last time, author. Komachi! Is! MINE!"

A cat roars as she says these last words, making the shinigami turn pale out of fear.

The poor pinkish-red haired girl sighs in defeat when Eiki forces her face back into the comfort of the lovely peaks, pats that green hair as a tiny smile graces her lips, then she pats herself around her hips.

She gasps again, this time with anxiety, and she tenses up as she continues patting herself all over, making her body suit ride up that wonderful posterior, then she stops and exclaims "he-hey, I can't find my money! I've been robbed!"

The green haired girl looks up at her subordinate, sighs while shaking her head disapprovingly, then says "there you go again. Komachi, you need to be more alert. If you were to take your job more seriously, then you-what the!?"

While lecturing the Amazonian beauty, the yama pats her own person, then pauses for a moment before doing so more thoroughly before whispering "but where's my money?"

The girls quickly look to Nicolas, but immediately find out he's no longer on the ship, and imagine a large image of him smiling in the sky, while saying "thank you for the kind gift, ladies."

Komachi's face turns red with rage, then she turns left, flips a desk; throwing Shikieiki by accident at the same time; then shakes a fist to the sky and exclaims "Willie, Nicolas, your heads WILL! BE! MIIIIINEEEE!"

She huffs and puffs for a while, then storms away while muttering "that was for my sake break! ...Damned bastards!"

At the garden of the Sun, Yuka Kazami breathes in deeply as she ends the first part of her daily stroll through her flower fields.

She looks around herself, sighs contently, then her face becomes dark, cold and dangerous, even though she continues to smile. "Well, it's been a while since I got a guest in this ridiculous fan-fiction, Miss Yukari."

She turns around facing her house to look upon a large dark gap opening above the roof of her house.

The scenery to her left breaks in the shape of a door, and Sanae walks into the scene with a determined smile on.

"What in the hell...?" questions the flower master while staring at the shrine maiden to her left, then exclaims "it was supposed to be Yukari! Didn't you read the script!?"

The sexy green haired girl's smile stretches farther as she reveals her gohei, then declares "today I make you mine; just like that tasty gapping blond on your arms!"

Yuka suddenly realizes she's holding an exhausted Yukari on her arms, and is disgusted by the fact that said youkai is in her black underwear, so she just drops her on the ground while expressing her disgust. "Eeeugh! That's just disgusting! Y-you'll pay for tha-what?"

Sanae Kochiya is behind the flower youkai, grinning viciously as she gets closer to her juicy target, gesturing her hand as if she's gripping something while she opens her arms wide, aiming at the woman's chest.

Yuka ducks right before the perverted girl closes her arm trap, then hops away from her attacker, shoots a few petal bullets for good measure, then threateningly says "you are way over your head, Missy! Allow me to align that brain of yours more effectively!"

She opens up a can of soda called "Whoop-Ass" drinks its contents, crushes the can with one hands, throws it away, then runs after the shrine maiden.

Sanae merely stands there with welcoming open arms while her opponent gets in range. The flower master winds and throws her punch at the defenseless girl, but said girl ducks at the last possible moment, and replies with a hug-tackle and a kiss on the lips.

The kiss is short lived as the youkai woman easily pushes the human goddess away with just one hand, then roars furiously as she fires a wide yellow laser beam at the offender.

The green haired girl pulls a giant mirror out of her sleeves, and reflects the beam of light to the sky.

Meanwhile, Kanako and Medicine fly through the sky with looks of horror on their faces.

"M-Miss Goddess, I'm afraid. He's very unforgiving," whimpers the doll youkai as she hugs the blue haired deity.

The goddess pats the back of the girl's head to comfort her, and says "don't worry. As long as we stay away from the fight scene, we will be alright."

The yellow laser beam flies right to them, but Kanako manages to duck in time to avoid the impact, though the top of her hair does gets singed a bit.

Medicine whimpers when looking at the goddess, and asks "are you going to be alright?"

"I am a god," proudly replies the woman. "It's going to take more than that to take me down!"

A Northtrop F-86 Scorpion piloted by Nitori falls right on top of the scared girls, trapping them on its nose.

Its belly has been severely damaged by the laser, and the fuel tank has caught fire. Yup, those girls are screwed.

Back on the ground, the frustrated and slightly aroused Yuka glares scornfully at Sanae.

Every time the youkai throws a punch, the human grabs that arm and steals a kiss, if she kicks, the human will jump and cop a feel, and if she shoots, there's that mirror.

The airplane with the goddess and poison youkai nosedives straight on a randomly placed rock, crushing the girls underneath it.

Nitori ejects just about the time that plane explodes, saving herself from being burned alive; and as for Kanako and Medicine... they are flying far away from the scene, cursing my name while trailing smoke behind them.

Yuka snorts and stomps the ground to vent her frustration, then angrily exclaims "I don't know what your problem is, you pervert, but I won't forgive you for humiliating me like this!"

Sanae seems a bit agitated as she replies "if you just let me kiss you, I'll be OUT of your hair in no time! Stop being so difficult; that's what tucked Yukari out like that!"

The sound of a tire screeching accompanies the youkai's arm-lift when she signals her unwelcome guest to stop. "So let me get this straight. We've been fighting all this time for a fucking KISS!? What the hell is wrong with you?"

The shrine maiden crosses her arms under her chest and looks away with a cute little pout, then says "I'm just trying to find cool playmates! It's just a kiss, so what's wrong with that, huh?"

After a brief moment of though, the flower youkai sighs, then says "fine, let's have that kiss. But I'm warning you now; any sudden moves and I'll rip your spine in half."

"Got it," chirps Sanae as she skips closer to her target.

She and Yuka look at each other for a moment and notice their height differences. Sanae is half a head shorter than the youkai.

Regardless, the shrine maiden closes her eyes as she gets on the tip of her toes while getting their faces closer, and whispers "come on, accept it."

The flower master rolls her eyes, groans a bit, but closes her eyes and moves her face closer, and they lock lips.

What was to be an experimental kiss quickly becomes an out-of-control passion ride the two girls ride without seat belts, and while these girls enjoy each others' tongues, a strange grinding sound comes from the youkai's house, followed by an odd "paru-paru-paru-paru."

Yup, Parsee is clinging on to Elly as they watch the hot event out in front, and the jealousy youkai hisses and smiles with jagged teeth while enjoying the curly-blonde's jealousy.

The green-haired girls split up. Yuka appears to be floating on a cloud as the drool link severs, while Sanae seems to be in deep thought about something.

The girl shakes her head and says "nope, sorry, you don't qualify. I guess I'll go get Yuki again."

She quickly takes off, ignoring the woman's gasp and shocked face, turns around in mid-flight to wave at her and say her goodbyes, then takes off to the S.S. Glass Leotard.

"WAIT!" calls Yuka, but it's too late, and the human goddess is gone. She sniffles once, shakes as her cheeks turn pink, then says "but I wanted more."

She looks at the sprawled Yukari still unconscious on the ground, but shakes the thought of ravaging her off, turns to face her house, and calls "Elly, could you come here for a moment?"

The obedient, glowering gate guard stands before her mistress in attention, and before she can even speak, Kazami is already embracing and kissing her all over.

The girl screams and screeches, and moans and coos shortly after, then looks to her left, lifts her arm, and pants "p-please, he-help me! Oooh~"

Nitori's Grandfather, a bulky, muscular kappa with a long white beard who wears a roman robe, chuckles while shaking his head, and says "don't mind me, ladies. I'll just be a-watchin'. Ehehehehe~"

He takes a camcorder out of his pocket, and smiles and drools while recording the show.

Kurumi flies into the scene, opens her mouth, and-

At the Scarlet Demon Ark's deck, a sleepy child Flandre in her long rose, sun-proof pajamas, makes her way to the rudder, where she hopes to find Remilia.

She stops when she comes across a peculiar sight, and feels annoyed and disgusted at the sight of Yuyuko Saigyouji wearing Youmu's green dress, which does very little to cover her curves, ample chest (which is about to burst free), and even less cover for her legs. (She's wearing pink panties.)

Yuyuko unsheathes Roukanken, aims it at the half-asleep vampire, and says "there's almost nothing this sword cannot cut!"

Before the cute blonde has a chance to ask, Youmu floats besides her mistress/subordinate, and with a whimsical smile she says "Yuyuko~, be nice to our host. We're not here to start a fight, right?"

She wears Yuyuko's light blue kimono, which seems baggy around the chest and hips, and yet seem to suit her quite well. She also holds the folding fan on her hand, and her whimsical smile looks very natural on her.

Yuyuko turns her head to look at her 'mistress', and says "Miss Youmu, that is an impostor, not our host! Her name is Chie, and she's here to steal our underwear!"

There is a light thud, and after turning their heads back to the vampire, they find an athletic woman with a gorgeous figure, small black eyes, and long silky black hair tied to a side ponytail standing before them.

She wears a tight, jet-black, legless, sleeveless ninja leotard, thigh-high boots, and a red belt around her waist, and on her back rests her sword, which is ready for blood at any moment. She doesn't really need that belt, but it looks very sexy on her.

"Watch it, you're NOT my original author, you perverted little virgin of an author!"

That bitch's gonna get it now~

She draws her sword and points it at Yuyuko, then threatens "and YOU, little girl, get ready to taste my-wait, WHAT!? You're not Youmu! Those oversized milk jugs would break the little girl's spine!"

She points at the silver haired girl eating chips from an aluminum bag like a vacuum and, declares "that's the little bitch that cut my skirt off! PREPARE TO DIE!"

Before Chie has the chance to blink, the pink haired swordswoman dances in front of her with her two swords held outward, and with a simple flick of the wrist after touching the ninja's blade, said weapon is sent flying ten feet to the portside (left).

The ninja girl turns to stone and shivers a bit while the wind howls above her head; shock and surprise taking her and hitting her hard.

A random black haired boy tugs on Yuyuko's skirt from behind to get her attention, presents a notepad and a pen, and asks "hey Miss, you're really cool! Can I have your autograph?"

"Why certainly," immediately answers the gorgeous woman. She sheathes her swords, takes the notepad and the pen, ponders for a moment, then scribbles on it while sticking out the tip of her tongue and closing her left eye. (Yeah, as if focusing on that pad really good, ze!)

She pats the boy on the head while returning the notepad and pen, waves while saying her goodbyes, and then turns around to find Youmu cleaning her lips with a soft napkin; right where the ninja was.

"Youmu, what happened with that girl? I wanted to play with her," whines the pink haired woman.

The silver haired girl burps up Chie's red belt, sigh, then says "oh, she was a very tasty bird. Can I have a second one?" And then she smiles.

Yuyuko shrieks with panic, runs to her 'mistress', forces her mouth wide open, then gets inside and pulls Chie out before that sliver haired glutton can gobble them both up.

"Youmu," reprimands Yuyuko; "don't eat foreigners! Who knows what kind of diseases they carry!"

The ninja is far too stunned and disgusted; AND covered in drool and digestive juices to care for that remark, and yet she says "I-I-I don't... I am v-v-v-very healthy, y-you bitch! Ugh!"

Youmu opens her fan to cover her whimsical smile, then whines "but I'm huuuungryyyy! Yuyuko, let's hurry up with that girl and go join the feast!"

The pink haired swordswoman is just about to speak when her green vest suddenly bursts open, and a button from nowhere flies straight to Chie's forehead, and knocks her right out.

Lying sprawled and spread eagle on the floor, the ninja girl moans while thinking many angry thoughts that include horribly pleasurable humiliation toward these two girls, and wonders if her own torture that's to follow her defeat will have some pleasure to it.

Yuyuko sigh, takes Youmu's hand, then they make their way toward the bowels, while woman in pink bras says "there, you see? It's done. Let's go eat-er, I mean, let's join the feast, Youmu-sama."

The silver haired girl giggles and whispers about how funny that sounds, and by the time Chie decides to sit, their whispers become unintelligible to her.

She sighs, then says to herself "I have to get even with those two, somehow." Little does she know that Flandre, who still has Chie's footprint on her face, stands behind her with a furious, teary-eyed look on her face. The cusses, curses, and inevitable ninja demise will be omitted.

Meanwhile, at the elegant dining room in Akyuu's mansion, the Child of Miare is enjoying a nice, warm cup of tea, when she suddenly sighs with annoyance, places the teacup on the table, and monotonously says "go ahead and do it already."

Minako enters the room, dragging her feet on the floor, moaning sadly, and looking dreadfully tired, hopeless, and just about ready to collapse.

The purple haired girl gasps at the sight, jumps on to her feet and to the right of her servant in mere seconds, and with true concern she asks "Minako, what's wrong? You look terrible!"

The brown haired servant stops moving, slowly turns her head to meet Akyuu's eyes, smiles pathetically weakly, and groans "good morning, Miss Akyuu-chan. My, you are looking so ...lovely this morning. Let me... get you some coffee."

"You shall do no such thing," says the surprisingly mature girl as she leads her servant to the table. "You stay there! I'll go get you some medicine. The alien woman said it should fix anyone up right away!"

Minako smiles weakly again, allows her head to flop down to the table; along with her hands and her upper torso; and weakly says "my dear Lady Akyuu. How I love you so; because of your lovely selfless nature and your kindness, and your cute bottom, and those subtle, perky breasts, and-"

"QUIET, or I'll smack you," furiously roars the chronicler after lightly tapping the back of Minako's head, muttering curses and insults under her breath afterward.

She pats her servant on the head once, a miniature Koakuma flies out of that brown hair, startling the purple haired girl, then Minako groans and cries "no~. Please get them away from me~"

Akyuu swats the little tiny demon girl away, but suddenly... "Koa-Koa-koa-kookoa-koa-ko-A," several tiny Koakumas appear from underneath Minako's robes, and then quickly take off with her safely gripped by their tiny clawed hands.

"HEY," exclaims the Child of Miare. "Come back with my servant, you little bitches!"

The kitchen becomes a 2-D world with wooden platforms moving up and down, or left and right, and the pixilated Akyuu immediately hops on the closest one, runs to the next (which is going left and right), and so on as she chases after the Koakumas and her captive servant. "Don't worry Minako, I'm coming for you!"

The servant moans happily after hearing those words, and loudly and slowly calls "My Lady, I finally hear you say such beautiful words for me. I love you so much!"


The background changes to the outside sky, and the platforms are now clouds, but this doesn't stop the brave girl from chasing after the kidnapped servant, and the devious little devils.

"What, no boss fights? Willie, you're getting very lazy!"

I shrug at this because she's right, but then again, why should I strain myself too much? It doesn't pay off. Ahem... anyways, let's move along.

She reaches the Palanquin, jumps on a smaller up and down cloud, almost slips off, but uses the momentum to jump to the next left and right cloud, however, the moment her foot touches it, the thing dissipates and causes her to fall head-first on the ship's floor.

Her pixel shrinks and she falls right through the floor with her arms and legs spread widely apart, and then her life goes down from 5 to 4.

She reappears back on the ship, holding her head and shaking a bit to regain her bearings, then glowers forward and darkly says "I know of an author that's going to get it; and when he does, I'm going to collect his skull."

That was a little too dark... but I did just break her neck. Let's just move along, shall we?

A tiny grey mouse squeaks playfully as it scurries her way toward the frozen-in-fear 2-D Akyuu, and its mere closeness causes the Child of Miare to squeal "eeeeeek! Get away," and jump up like some spring-chicken, and then she hits an invisible block with her head.

Said block pushes her back down to the floor on her butt (the mouse is all the way on the starboard (left) side now), and as she rubs her head, she looks up and witnesses as a green cup filled with red tea slowly slides down to the ground and magically slides toward her.

"Oh, how lovely," she says as she picks the cup and takes a sip, and then her breasts grow to the size of E (D for westerners) cup, earning a gasp of delight from herself, and then she takes flight, exclaiming "ALRIGHT! I got boob beams and nail missiles! Get ready for some punishment, you evil little demons!"

While this is happening in the skies, at the Hakurei Shrine is Ran Yakumo, sitting with her legs bent to the side on the veranda, while she rests her back against a support beam.

On her lap is Reimu, who sleeps so soundly and contently, she snores softly while looking adorable as she does so.

Ran starts moving her right arm as if she's gently stroking her leg, and softly says "who knew. Reimu, you are just so full of surprises. Mm-hm-hm; and they're so soft too."

The Hakurei Maiden moans cutely as she shifts her head a bit, and resumes her peaceful sleep as her cheeks turn pink.

The nine-tailed vixen pulls one of two black cat's tail with red and white, yin-yang color style tips, and says "ufufu, so I take it you like having your tails petted like this. I wonder what would happen if I comb them?"

Like magic, she pulls a soft white comb with a brown handle out of her blue panel, around the area of her chest, smiles, then begins to comb those soft cat tails.

Reimu starts clenching each hand alternatively as she begins to moan and pant, stiffens up as if stretching her back, then sighs with a smile as she lets herself flutter back on to the warm lap.

Ran chuckles sweetly, then softly says "just like my Chen. You're a little less cute, but still good enough. Ahh, if she would only come back home when I asked her to."

"HALT!" commands a familiar voice from behind the bushes.

Rika Onkamikami jumps out of the bushes; her skin a little darker, her eyes glowing purple and full of evil, her wings turned black, and her cute ahoge missing; points at the kitsune, and exclaims "how DARE you take my mistress away from me! You will pay for this, you sexy nine-tailed beast!"

The chibi nekos Yumemi, Ran, Sanae and Rinnosuke hop out of the bushes and join Rika in a ridiculous stance as they try to intimidate the shikigami, then the suave male points and says "to take the love of this woman away. Such a disgusting thing to do! I'll never forgive you while I watch the action!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN" agitatedly says the chibi neko Ran while nodding extra fast.

The dark maid punches the perverted male on the head, and angrily says "this isn't H material, so quit begging!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN" quickly adds the insane blonde cat girl while nodding really fast.

The well endowed maid of darkness turns her attention to the blonde fox girl, points dramatically, and loudly declares "now, it is time for you to pay for your trans-AWWWWWWWWWWW"

Her angry face quickly melts into that of an endeared school girl in hormone-bliss mode when Reimu starts to mew softly with ever stroke.

Ran places a finger on her lips and shushes the girl, then whispers "you're going to wake her." She offers the comb and the spot to her immediate right, then whispers "here, you can take ov-er?"

Rika is back to her normal self, and is lying on her stomach with her elbows on the floor and her cheeks on her hands as she swings her legs around and flaps her wings happily, and with a happy smile on her face, she says "oh, please, go ahead. I am enjoying myself greatly."

Ran smiles and giggles, combs the shrine maiden's tails from base to tip, and doing so causes said red and white to whisper "mew-mew-mew-mew-mew~", while her cheeks turn pink and her lips wriggle.

A moment of silence for Rika Onkamikami, whose head explodes extra-violently after being hit by such a disgustingly adorable moe-bomb.

The chibi nekos look at each other, then the womanly-voiced neko Sanae says "what a waste of my precious time! I missed my show because of this stupid girl! Now I'll never know if Mo-Mo survived the transplant, or if Watanabe manned up and changed his name!"

"HUNHUNHU-!" The blonde cat's nods are cut short when Kanako crashes on top of them, making a disturbingly loud explosion that scares Reimu into screeching before running away in fright; like some cat.

The goddess moans and holds her head as she wobbles to stand, and says "that was... too painful. The bitch."

The steaming goddess is full of laser burn marks and nail missiles that have made holes on her clothes, and although tired and dazed, she looks up and mutters curses under her breath.

When she turns around, she is met with a very pissed re-headed dark maid that repeatedly punches her own hand, and a very angry nine-tailed kitsune that's slipping a spiked iron knuckle on.

Kanako chuckles nervously and raises her hands defensively as she backs away and nervously says "n-now now girls, n-n-no need for violence.

Both Rika and Ran grab some conveniently placed desks, flip them over at the same time, then walk slowly toward the goddess.

Right above the Hakurei Shrine, Akyuu is shooting purple laser beams from her chest, and lilac nail missiles from her hands, and all are headed straight toward the bound and gagged Medicine.

The blonde doll is being held from the back by one of the tiny Koakumas, who looks past the left side of the doll and shouts "KOA! Ko-ko koa, Ko-AAAAA!"

"Like HELL I'm giving up," exclaims the chronicler while swinging her hands and shooting several nails. "Give Minako back to me, or suffer!"

The gag slips off the doll youkai's lips, then she anxiously shouts "wait, girlie, I'm innocent, I swear! ARGH! Willie GR, I'm gonna get you for-KYAAAH!"

She's shut the hell up by a laser blast from Akyuu's left E, then Kanako and some desks spin by, and she shouts "I'll have my reveeeeeeenge!" She makes it all the way back to the Moriya Shrine without the desks.

Back above the shrine, Akyuu bends her back and stretches her amplified chest, shooting one Master Spark-sized beam at Medicine, frying her and her clothes, and sending her flying back to the Nameless Hill.

The tiny little devil gulps when her meat-shield is blown off, the chronicler grins vilely, and now beams and explosive nails blast the little devil, while Minako weakly cheers "that's my Lady Akyuu! Please, hurry, they're pulling my robes up, and I didn't put any underwear on!"

The purple-haired girl sighs irritably while dragging her hand down her face, then says "I should just turn around and leave, but I'm just not heartless enough to do that."

And so begins the high-speed 2-D chase, where Akyuu must dodge clouds, fairies, random danmaku, and the occasional cannonballs.

As she dodges the many ridiculous obstacles, she shoots her beams and missiles as relentlessly as some heartless machine, knocking out a metal chicken, a tiny Koakuma, and a glass ship.

At the s.S. Glass Leotard, the body-suit clad Makaian girls scatter about as their ship falls from the sky.

Akyuu doesn't care that she's destroying everything in her path. She wants Minako back, and nothing will stop her. ...Until she crashes against Headless Ail.

Her boobs shrink, and they both scream as they each spin forcefully toward opposite directions, and thus the world becomes normal once more.

"My head is spinniiiiiiing!" screams Anilan at the top of his lungs. This comes followed by a furious roar from the Mountain, and Suwako's echoing voice "DAMN YOU AAAAAIIIIILLLL!"

A desk flies straight toward the remaining Koakumas, who scream "KOAAAAA~" just before said desk smashes them and Minako to separate directions.

Later that day, back at Akyuu's Mansion, the chronicler wakes up on her bed, looks up the hole she made with her body, scowls, then mutters "damn you Ail and author. I will make you pay dearly for this; somehow!"

A white-robed woman wraps her arms around the purple haired girl's neck, and the womanly owner of the hands sweetly says "aww, thank you so very much for rescuing me, Akyuu-chan~. How about I pay you with my own bodily warmth to make your morning better?"

Minako's face is met with an iron washtub held by Akyuu Hieda herself, and right after the girl falls unconscious, the chronicler sits on her bed, and nonchalantly says "bitch is back to normal now."

She gets off the bed, leaving her unconscious servant behind, and says to herself "time for lunch. Gonna make myself some red tea."

Back at the Scarlet Demon Ark, Flandre stuffs what's left of the Ninja girl inside a very large cannon, shouts "FIRRREEE", and the sexy, athletic meat-ball is shot straight at the Unnamed Ghost Ship, which responds with a philosophical cannonball with square, frameless glasses that stops in front of Meiling, and begins reading phrases that make no sense to her.

"MAKE IT STOP" cries the gate guard as she runs away with twin tear-waterfalls, while that cannonball explains to her how running and crying can get her killed by slipping on a banana peel, or crashing on to Ail and his head jokes.

The little blonde vampire shrugs at this, then turns her attention to the Ghost's ship, and shouts "last chance! Give me back my honeyed cereal, or say goodbye to your precious lives, AND unlives!"

Yuyuko glares from the deck of her own ship, smiles vilely before opening her mouth and stuffing the cereal down her throat, then asks "what cereal?"

Flandre's eyes ignite with pure rage, her vocabulary restrains breaks, a fiery scarlet aura engulfs her, and shaking with anger, she shouts "YOUUUUUU! YOU FAT *****ING COW WITH YOUR ********ING **** ****** BOOBS, AND **** YOU AND YOUR DAMNED CREW TO HELL!"

She summons her bent black rod, ignites Lavatein at ten times its normal size, and lifts it above her head.

Yuyuko and Youmu hug while shivering in fear, Kimi polishes her nails, Agava eats a cookie and casually rows her boat toward the S.S. In Your Face, Murasa, and Merlin is measuring her hips and boasting about her figure to her sisters, which stare darkly at her.

Just when the vampire makes the swinging motion, a blonde automated doll kicks the vampire between the legs, and before said girl has the chance to double over and nurse the throbbing spot, that very doll grabs her left leg, swings her around in several circles, then throws her toward the Unnamed Ghost Ship.

Remilia and Adult Remilia raise an eyebrow at this, look at each other, quickly realize what is happening, sigh, shrug, then nod and walk away into the ship's bowels.

Flandre screams her spinning way toward the ghostly ship, where she saws the thing in half in just 2.5 seconds, and moves on while Youmu salutes the sky as she goes down with the ship.

Everybody else either flies off the ship, or just jump over the rails and make loud splashes as they swim away.

At the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, the girls scream and scatter as they try to find something to repel the vampire buzz-saw headed their way.

Chiyuri and Yumemi stand firm on the deck, then the captain wannabe raises her hand to address her crew, getting them to calm down and turn their attention to her.

She glances around the frightened girls, then says "my fellow-" The ship explodes, and Flandre continues screaming her spinning way toward the next ship.

At the S.S. Glass Leotard, Tenshi is tied up and on her knees while on her pure white leotard that makes her heavenly posterior more accented, and her small breasts to bounce just slightly.

She glares at Yuki, Shinki and Mai; even though her hands are tied behind her back and restrained on her ankles; and bravely declares "you may torture me, humiliate me, even..." she starts drooling while smiling and blushing "humiliate me some more!"

She puts on a brave face again and declares "but Rika is MINE, and I will NEVER give her up to you!" And yet again her face becomes perverted as she adds "please use the wooden triangle again!"

The Makaian goddess raises an eyebrow and says "well, she's broken, but she just won't-"

Flandre crashes against Tenshi's back, sending the celestial straight at Shinki, forcing both to kiss and make up, and as they both fly away, the ship implodes, then explodes, then Sanae pulls the headless Ail from the debris and angrily says "seriously, you headless morphing idiot, you need to stop making Moriya-sama so angry!"

Apparently, he's looking up at her as he says "but it's not my fault my head's all over the place today!"

There is a roar, and now a flying desk flies straight toward the Scarlet Demon ark, breaking a new hole on the large ark, and making it break into pieces, like some Lego ship.

Meanwhile, at the Palanquin, the girls are enjoying a sophisticated party of immeasurable elegance, and remain unaware of the danger they that's headed their way, and the pumpkin pie looks delicious.

And there is Ichirin, wearing a noblewoman's pompous dress, with all its crappy adornments and unnecessarily over-puffed skirt, accompanied by Unzan and his penguin suit with the bow and the buttons and tight fit. Ugh!

And over there is Minamitsu, who looks dreadfully annoyed, infinitely disgusted, terrifyingly anxious, and disgustingly dignified over wearing a dress similar as Ichirin and the others, only hers is dark aquamarine.

"Why the FUCK did you make me wear this shit!?" Her head is slapped hard from behind by Byakuren, who applies the appropriate disciplinary actions whenever they are needed.

She wears a simple purple dress with an ivory colored sash around her waist and left shoulder, and with her sexy body showing off in that dress, she sweetly says "Mini-chan, I know it's hard for you; being a sailor and all that; but today's dinner will be held with class, so speak appropriately."

The frustrated captain sighs, nods sadly, then turns around while the sexy monk woman heads to join the other girls at the table, and thinks "dear Buddha, if you don't want me to make Byakuren cry 'cause of my pirate mouth, please, PLEASE stop this stupid dinner before I lose it!"

Flandre screams after exploding her way into the dining table, hums and coos happily "so delicious" while devouring every available food on the table, then continues screaming as she makes her way through the other side of the ship.

"Thank you," whispers Minamitsu to the air while winking. She rips her dress off and declares "WE'RE UNDER ATTACK! Everyone to your posts! MOVEMEEEEENT! I want movement!"

Shou covers Nazrin's eyes, while the little redhead fairy covers Shou's, Ichirin takes a picture while chuckling mischievously, Nue does the same, though with a camcorder, and Byakuren covers Orange's and Kyouko's eyes while staring with her mouth agape.

Kogasa sniffles and covers herself up with her umbrella after everyone ignores her. They will pay for this, Kogasa. And now the karakasa youkai is safe at the Human Village, where the children quickly rush-hug her. "Wait, no, I'm scary! Don't hug meeeeee!"

Back at the ship, right after another chuckle escapes Ichirin (who covers Unzan's eyes after a while), she says "Murasa, I think you better cover those heart panties and that strawberry bra before ordering us around."

The captain holds her dramatic pose while looking down at her rather sexy self in her tiny, disgustingly adorable and ridiculously sexy underwear, and soon breaks said pose to cover herself up, and shouts "I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE SWIMSUIT NITORI GAVE ME! Where the HELL IS IT!?"

Another flying desk enters the ship through the same hole Flandre left behind; it spins right above Minamitsu's head, slowly glows brighter and brighter until everything is white, and then the explosion that comes is so strong, Yuyuko's intestines tremble, causing her an indigestion, and Ail's head pops right out from under his shirt.

After he and Sanae recover from the turbulence in the sky, they look toward the massive white cloud mushroom expanding over the sky and spreading about the great barrier.

They look at each other, then back at the cloud, then back at each other, and then they see Koakuma swimming in a black bikini next to them.

She stops for a second to wave at them and call "hi~ I almost got 'im", then continues swimming as though in water, and even splashes them with some water, as she chases after the purple tentacle monster that screams like a little girl as it calls for help.

The couple looks at each other, stare in silence, then suddenly hold each other and make out violently while still in mid-air, where the falling girls can see them, take pictures, videos, swoon, and blush.

Did you really think their heads would explode again?

Later that evening, at Mystia's Unnamed Night Restaurant, Ail and Sanae continue to make out violently while being recorded and stared at, Rika is still weak after that moe blast from Reimu, and for some reason Shizuha can tell Minoriko is looking around the restaurant anxiously.

The elder goddess places her hand on her little sister's shoulder and says "come on Minoriko-OOOOHHHH!" But doing so costs her being flung over that girl's shoulders and slammed against the hard floor.

When the younger Aki realizes what she's done, she gasps and covers her mouth with one hand while reaching for her sister's hand with the other, and cries "I'm so sorry! I thought you were that pervert who wants to have his way with me!"

[Hey, you idiot, I already told you I'm not a pervert! Stop calling me that, or I'm going to get serious!]

"AND THERE HE IS AGAAAAAIN!" she bellows while holding her head. She runs away from the area, ignoring her older sister's calls, and once behind the restaurant's kitchen, she curls up into a ball and pants "I should... be safe here!"

[Say, are you alright? Minoriko-chan, you look so pale. Maybe I should take you to see a doctor.]

Minoriko scowls toward the source of the disembodied voice, and angrily says "well if I'm like this, it's all your damned fault! Because of you, I just can't relax even a bit!"

[Huh? And why is that? I'm not that bad! Tch! Great, now you're making me feel self conscious about my pale skin and wobbly muscles. And here I was worrying about you.]

The blonde's scowling turns to concern as she looks toward nothingness, and with a softer tone she says "wait, what? N-no, that was not my intent. I just want to you leave me alone. I didn't mean to-"

[Save it! I know where I'm not liked! I'm outta here!]

Minoriko stands up, looks around the kitchen, gulps to see if I'll react, then she calls "Willie? Willie G.R.? A-are you there?"

The seconds pass, and the more time goes by, the more the young goddess smiles, and then she's suddenly jumping up and down and swinging her right arm around while singing "he's gone~ he's gone~, he's finally GONE~! No more perverted authors around!"

As she skips her way back to the front of the restaurant, her pace slows down gradually until she stops at the door, looks up, and says "hey, I just called you a pervert. Aren't you going to retaliate?"

Time passes by, but there's no answer, and so she sighs sadly, then says to herself "wow, I guess he took it really bad. He was annoying, but... I guess I was too hard on him."

She walks out to the front of the restaurant, which is completely empty; save for one Yuyuko with a massive belly, one Eirin in a lab coat, rubber gloves, and a doctor's mask, and one Reisen with the same attire, but looking cuter.

Ignoring this, Minoriko looks to the ceiling, and softly says "this... this isn't fair. I... I really miss him. Wait, what? But why? I got rid of him, just like I wanted, so why!?"

"Udongein, the scalpel, NOW," commands Eirin with an extended gloved arm aimed at the sexy bunny.

"R-righ! Here you go," stutters the nervous rabbit as she hands over the operating tool.

The ghost princess moans while rubbing her oversized belly, and whines "hurry uuuup! I want to try the wasabi juice." (Oh, I wouldn't try that if I were her.)

The Lunarian doctor examines the pregnant-like belly carefully, then says "alright, I'll have to cut at a precise spot, or I might hurt the-MUGH!"

"AH! Master," yelps Reisen after Eirin is kicked in the groin by Minoriko. Before retaliation comes, the young goddess cuts that large belly in the center from top to bottom, and all the girls; and Ail; burst free from that ghostly, black-holey prison.

Kaguya is the last to break free, but hangs around the opening as if exhausted, and says "thank you Eirin! Ugh! It's so disgusting in-WAAH!"

Minoriko pulls and throws the Moon Princess away, stuffs herself inside the infinite stomach, and pulls her older sister out of there.

"Minoriko-chan! Oh my autumn, thanks! That ghost is insane" exclaims the cute goddess of turning leaves while thinking whether or not to hug her little sister.

The young Aki smiles at her elder sister, then says "that's a wonderful story, sis, but it needs more sweet potatoes. Now come and help me find Willie's voice. I was a little rude to him, and as a deity, I must apologize properly."

Shizuha appears to stop functioning for a while in order to analyze the information her little sister has just tossed at her, yet she can still reply a meek "what?"

Minoriko pulls her sister by the hand, and as they make their way out the door, she says "come, let's start searching in the middle of the night while you recalibrate your brain."

The elder Aki puts no resistance as she's being dragged, and meekly asks "what?"

Inside the restaurant, at the corner east table, Minamitsu and Chiyuri rest their heads on said table at the same time.

The Palanquin's captain movers her uncaring eyes left to meet with the S.S. In Your Face Murasa's captain's unamused eyes, and says "hey."

"Yeah?" replies the blonde.

"Remember when this used to be about you and me fighting over who was a better captain of the skies?"


"I miss those days..."


Sake is drunk after that. Imagine them in their underwear while they get drunk. ...No? Okay.

To be continued...

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Budou, Kimi and Kali were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Suggestions for this chapter by

Wolfsbane 703

Nicolas Crossworth (whom also made a special appearance)

And Captain Vulcan

Chie belongs to Captain Vulcan, in the fiction "Mishaps of Eastern Wonderland" on chapters "6. Maidens vs Ninjas" and "7. The Great Shinobi Incident Part 1"

Seriously, go read their fics. They are AWESOME!

Dec 10 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.

How odd. Not so much insanity in the end. Ah well, I'm tired.

Byakuren: Well, you certainly deserve punishment, but this lack of creativity and constant chores should be punishment enough.

Thanks for forgiving me, Byakuren-san.

Byakuren: *Blush* Y-you're welcome. Um, but how did you know? I am still angry at you, you know!

*Shrug* that's to be expected. Ah well, nothing else to do but keep moving forward.

Byakuren: *Smile* that's the spirit. Now, about Mini-chan using The Buddha like that...

*Gulp* err, I hear my mother calling.

Byakuren: *Holds Willie by the ear* Not so fast. I'm not falling for that.