Today, on Hakurei Cooking:

At the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Reimu, her assistant, Rika, whom has a thin strand of hair standing on the top of her head (ahoge), and her spectators, Marisa, Aya, Yuyuko and Flandre, are ready to start a cooking show, with the red and white as hostess and cook.

After cheers and applauses out of nowhere in particular, the happy maiden gestures her arms for all to be quiet, and with a sweet and angelical smile, she grabs a bowl, and raises a finger to the air while speaking, apparently.

Rika cups her hands next to her chin, and says "my lady, you are glorious! And you are so right too. A well prepared cook is a happy cook!"

At the same time, the spectators mumble amongst themselves and start writing down what... um... Well, I guess what's been said, apparently.

Reimu coos, giggles, then lifts a sack of flour handed over by chibi-neko Damien, whose eyes now look like two thick brows, and whom moans in a manly and suave manner "so cute," as he looks at Reimu and descends out of sight.

After that, the angel-winged maid hands her mistress a bowl with two cups of water, a stick of butter, five sliced peaches, and a toad the shrine maiden kisses and turns to Kyo, who just stares flatly around until he's tossed away like garbage.

The spectators "ooh" and "aah" as Hakurei mixes the ingredients in a bowl, then said maiden adds a cup of sugar, a hint of vanilla, pistachio beans, a gold coin that tings after tossed in, and finally, a feather from Rika's wings.

Chibi-neko Yumemi casually walks on top of the counter until standing in front of the two girls, then says "nyan. Don't forget to use your hands, deary. It's what gives the cake its life, you know."

"HUN-HUN-HUN" replies the sudden chibi-neko Ran while nodding thrice.

Rika slaps the red-haired cat away so the spectators can see Reimu's adorable smile as she coos and mixes the ingredients into a dough in the cake bowl with her hands.

The tiny Ran only watches with interest as her redhead partner is flicked away, then casually walks over to the audience to become part of it.

Regardless of these shenanigans, the red and white continues smiling as she continues on with her cooking show, and now the time has come to kick, chop, block, and put the cake in the over for a while; PACHU-PARAPPA!

Out of nowhere, Meiling shouts "don't go stealing my material!"

Ignoring this, the girls mumble amongst each other as they wait for the clock to stop clicking; there's the 'TING', and now the time comes to take out the cake.

Reimu waves her arms around, lifts her finger, hums and coos while... er... explaining herself, then giggles and bends down to open the oven's door.

She looks to the audience and admires their expectant faces, then suddenly cheers and opens the oven door, then Tenshi rises from the cake bowl, cheering "TA-DA~", and with her hat on fire.

The audience clap as they marvel with delight, while Rika walks over to her friend and splashes her head with water from a squeezed Suwako, effectively dowsing the flames.

All three girls bow to the still-clapping audience, then Reimu takes notice of Marisa, who is still writing down on her notepad.

Curious, the happy shrine maiden hops over the counter, stands besides her friend, takes the note, and the witch yelps and nervously says "no, wait, don't look! It's not meant for mortal eyes!"

Kirisame's notes read as follow:

That Reimu is so cute! How I'd love to massage her bare skin with my own hands, mold her **** and tickle her. That cute face, that delicious smile! Ah, how I'd love to hug her, hold her, smear her with icing, and lick her whole! Not just that! I want to ice her **** and her ****s, and lick them clean, then...

The rest of the note gets so hot and revealing, it would immediately turn this fiction into an 'M' rated story, so we'll just ignore that much. Besides, it's so hot, it catches fire.

Reimu's face is so red, even her dress looks dull-colored in comparison, and before Marisa is allowed to explain, said shrine maiden smashes a broom on her friend's head, then walks away while the little cat Ran nods thrice with her rapid "HUNHUNHUN!"

After the cute Hakurei is gone, Rika walks over to the witch, karate-chops her head, then says "you are going to apologize to my lady in writing, and you will donate fifty thousand, OR ELSE!"

She then turns her furious gaze toward Aya and demands "and YOU! I want a poster-size copy of that picture, or I'm telling my lady where you hide your tennis balls!"

Shameimaru yelps in a panic, nods thrice, and whines "don't tell! I'll be good! I'LL BE GOOOOOOOOOOD!"

Satisfied, the maid walks away from the audience, Yuyuko sighs and says "well, I better get these notes to Youmu. U-fu-fu~ I want to try that peach pie recipe."

Flandre cheers, lifts her right hand in the air, clenches it into a fist, and Chireiden explodes.

"MY HOOOOOOOOME!" cries Satori from her garden, not understanding what the hell just happened.

Her current face can only be described as a skull with stretched blue skin plastered on, a square gaping mouth with perfectly squared teeth, and glassy, bulgy eyes that are ready to pop out.


Moments later, at morning... Wait, NOW it's morning? Anyway, on with the show.

All four ships have opened fire on each other, and those girls that aren't manning a canon are currently at the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, battling out with swords and danmaku.

There's Minamitsu versus Chiyuri, Chen versus Lily, Reimu versus Maribel (they look like they're having fun), Mystia versus Sakuya, Remilia versus Meiling, chibi-neko Yumemi versus Yumemi, and amongst others, there's Budou versus chibi-neko Sanae, and chibi-neko Ran versus the RKNS, and they are winning.

Suddenly, from the thick morning clouds over the east, a new ship enters the-

"WAIT JUST A DARN MINUTE!"

The fighting girls all stop to look toward nowhere in particular, right after Chiyuri's furious outburst, then the captain wannabe with the flat chest angrily says "Willie, what the hell is the meaning of this! ANOTHER ship? There's four already! QUIT IT!"

"YEAH~" cheer all the other girls in unison.

{But it's just one more ship. Just think of the hilarity that can come from THAT! Plus, it's made of glass ...sort of.}

"NO" spits the furious Chiyuri at the author. "All you do is cause us grief at every turn..."

"Not to me," says Agava while raising her hand from the back of the ship.

"Whatever," continues the blonde. "The point is, there are TOO many ships up here already, we are getting NOWHERE and FAST, and I just plain despise your guts! I won't allow it!"

{I'll make your boobs bigger.}

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! PRESENT THE NEW CREW ALREADY!"

All the other girls on the ship, AND the other ships stare flatly in disbelief at the twin tailed blonde, whose breasts grow and grow until they reach a large D-almost E-cup (C-almost D-cup for us westerners).

All the girls' expressions, even those that are already well-endowed, change to shock and surprise upon seeing such a miracle, but none is able to comment, while Chiyuri Kitashirakawa starts moving around, bouncing those things all over with an undeserving sense of self-accomplishment, unaware that those lovely things do come with a price, and that her shirt looks about ready to burst. Not just that, but they are failing to cover underneath...

Anyways, back to the new ship's introduction.

Like I said earlier, the ship looks like it's made of glass, but it's Makai glass, so it's actually stronger than most materials in Gensokyo.

"WILLIE, YOU EVIL JERK!" shouts Chiyuri from her ship.

The new ship is made to look European, though instead of oars and sails, it has white angel wings on the side, and purple demonic wings on the two masts.

The helm is inside a well-protected cabin, and to the left of the cabin is the door that leads to the ship's rooms, kitchen, bowels, energy room, and brig.

Manning this ship are the sexy Makaians in tight leotards; Shinki and Yumeko we've already met; and though they look hot and sexy, they will be a force to be reckoned with, or so they say.

Yuki, the crazy fire witch, wears a black leotard with long-sleeved, tiny panted, light-blue tights that augment her figure twice, making her look hotter than she actually is, even making her look like she has large breasts, when they're decent at best, a gold belt with daggers all around, a turn-color bandana around her forehead, a pair of black and white sneakers, and has blonde hair that reaches to her shoulders, and gold eyes.

"MWAHAHAHAHA~ Marvel at my sexy curves while you BURN!", exclaims the girl.

Mai has her light-blue hair tied to that pink bow of hers, like always, her light blue eyes try to look away to hide the embarrassed blush on her face, crosses her arms under her ample chest to try and stop her breasts from bouncing so much, seeing as her light-pink, long-sleeved leotard is as tight as Yuki's and Yumeko's and totally ensures her amazingly curvy womanly figure is totally exposed, and what's worse for her (and MUCH better for us), she couldn't find anything to cover her now-bare legs, and wears a cute pair of small brown boots that somehow match well with her current outfit.

She flaps her small angelic wings as her face turns a bit redder when some turbulence forces her chest to bounce around, then softly says "guh. I wish I had a robe, at least."

Luize has her short blonde hair topped by a sailor's hat, her yellow eyes, as always, seem to be closed as she waves and cheers at the other girls, and wears a sexy white leotard with a rose, sleeved, short-legged tights underneath that do an absolutely wondrous job of accenting her womanly features, a pair of black tennis shoes, and has a belt with a sword and an old gun sheathed on either side.

"MUAH~ Please treat me well girls! It's only a game after all!" cheers the overjoyed blonde after blowing a kiss, making even Shinki feel a bit sheepish and chuckle uncomfortably.

Sara, whom has short lilac hair and lilac eyes, looks elegant and extremely sexy in her light-red leotard with a small white shirt on top of her generously proportioned chest, is torn at the bottom and sleeves, and has a small tear on a particularly questionable spot over the left breast.

Her hot legs are bare, wears a pair of white socks, red sneakers, an elegant brown belt with six pouches on it, a short sword, courtesy of Yumeko, and while placing her hands on her sexy, curvy hips, she smirks while looking at the girls on the other ships and says "we'll raise hell for you, girls. Nobody blasts Lady Shinki and gets away with it!"

Chiyuri sighs with frustration from the portside (left) rails of her ship, looks toward nowhere, and says "gods dammit all, Willie! They're hot, they're SEXY, and now my breasts don't matter!"

ASK, AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!

The captain wannabe now wears a tight white, high-cut leotard with tight blue lycra shorts underneath, a blue bandana around her head, which replaces her silly sailors hat, a pair of pink, calf-high boots, and her new brown belt with a sword and gun hangs diagonally across her gorgeous hips.

Added to that the fact that her new, larger chest bounces around with the least movement made, and this double-edge sword is about to strike her hard.

Before she comments on her new, sexy outfit, Kitashirakawa notices the many drooling, flushed faces and hungry eyes being aimed straight at her and her chest.

"Um... er, wh-what?", she asks in hopes that NOTHING will happen, but before it does and she's glomped by several hungry girls at once, Yumemi comes from behind, wraps her arms around her subordinate, gropes the girl, and demands "she's MINE! I saw her FIRST! You'll have to get through ME to even get the slightest of chances, so FORGET IT! GO HOME!"

"W-wait! Yumemi! You're squeezing too hard! OW!"

The little blonde's cries are ignored, and the famished, drooling redhead darts off toward the captain's cabin, where lewd noises begin the very second that door shuts.

"What do we do now?", asks Nazrin, trying to ignore the obvious answer evident in the perverted girls' faces, but before said obvious answer is spat, chibi-neko Sanae falls from the sky with a parachute, lands perfectly in the center of the ship, raises her hands in the air, then coos, causing all the girls to shriek and fly away back to their ships.

The cat girl blinks twice, grunts, then whispers "bitches,", just as her parachute covers her completely.

Meanwhile, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, Rinnosuke, who is working as an oiled, man-service butler with a tie, a bib, and a pair of black briefs, adjusts his glasses as he looks to the sky, and casually comments "just a bunch of lesbians."


Moments later, at the Palanquin, while Minamitsu paces around inside her cabin, and Kyo, still in that green tunic, searches around the ship with Sunny on his shoulder, CONSTANTLY calling for his attention, Ichirin zips all over the ship, turning barrels and undoing ropes in her desperate search for something.

"Hey! Listen. Watch out! Come on! LISTEN TO ME! KYOOOOOO!"

The green-clad manly man grabs the cute fairy of light by the mouth, pulls her off his shoulder, and through gritted teeth, and with an intensely enraged look, asks "what. the hell. is it?"

The little fairy of light's face turns pink as she pathetically glances upward and whimpers.

The boy's face turns beet red, blood gushes out of his nose, in a few seconds, all of his hearts deplete, and the scene becomes completely black with the words "GAME OVER" over Kyo's body, all while Sunny sits on his stomach, giggling happily, as though she's done a good job.

Back with Ichirin; who is now in front of the rooms; she opens up the door to Byakuren's room, stares at the magician monk in her red underwear, closes the door again, sighs, and says "he's not here either. I wonder where he is right now?"

Chibi-neko Damien pops his head out of the slightly opened door to Byakuren's room, and with his suave and manly voice, says "your quest is admirable, dear lady, but you fail to see what's in front of your eyes" then quickly plops back inside.

"HEY! get out of there, you pervert!" exclaims the nun, bursting through the door without thinking about it.

The Youkhrist screams, slaps the one inside, then Ail stumbles out of the room, holding his right cheek, and looking around very confused he asks "why am I even here?"

Ichirin finds herself above, inside Minamitsu's cabin, with a shocked, white-disks eyed face, a box-shaped mouth, and sweating while shivering as she mutters "h-e-tch... I thought I was downstairs!"

Meanwhile, the captain doesn't even notice the girl there, and continues pacing, while muttering "...but the kappa in her swimsuit is already delectable enough, so why Chiyuri? Ah, but I want to grab her, touch her, do things to her. I want to see those lewd things jiggle while she moans and screams my name. Ah, but what to do about Nitori? I want to do things to her too."

To all of this, the shocked and confused nun-pirate is more shocked and confused than before, and now is mixed with a terrified feeling inside of her, thinking the captain has gone insane, so all she can mutter is a few unintelligible syllables.

"Yes... yeeeessss~" sinisterly hisses Captain Murasa. We'll board that ship, kidnap Chiyuri, r*pe her, and after I get all of that out of my system, I'll let her go and hunt for Nitori again. It's a perfect plan!"

"HUN-HUN-HUN," agrees the nodding chibi-neko Ran while keeping the rudder steady.

That's when the ghostly captain finally notices Ichirin in the room, points at her, then seriously says "get-"

"Yup, our captain is a lesbian alright."

"A very perverted one too."

Minamitsu gets annoyed at the interruption from Orange, then Kyouko, then furiously demands "I FURIOUSLY DEMAND YOU ALL LEAVE MY CABIN IMMEDIATELY!"

Kyouko jumps from beneath the floorboards, Orange jumps from under Murasa's hat, and Orin is chasing after the screaming Nazrin over there.

The yamabiko points her finger at, and pokes the captain girl on the nose before said girl could throttle them all with a rusty anchor, and bravely says "we know of the lustful evil deeds you are planning, captain! We will WATCH as you do your lesbian acts on that unsuspecting maiden's body..."

"...or we will poison your daily dose of sanity with so much poison, even Medicine Melancholy will be ecstatic!", finishes demanding the orange-haired cutie with a very cute pout on her face, so cute and adorable, Byakuren squeals with delight "kyahn~ So cute!", from her room down below.

"Tch! FINE!" The rusty anchor vanishes from Mini-chan's hands as she accepts the two little monsters' demands, then suddenly grabs both by the shoulders and angrily says "but keep this clear. I am not a lesbian! And you two will help me achieve my goal, or so help me, I'm shaving your heads clean!"

Both girls yelp, their eyes become two sad white orbs, their bodies shiver violently, and yet they nod, agreeing with the captain's sudden demands and threats.

All three girls smile, the shoulder grip becomes a friendly arm-rest on either shoulder, all three girls cheer as they walk outside, then Minamitsu declares "alright! Let's go do things to Chiyuri we'll probably regret in the morning!"

As the girls cheer and leave, chibi-neko Ran turns on the auto-pilot, whom casually waves at nobody in particular while drinking some hot coffee from the right, then walks after the girls, nodding thrice and humming her usual "HUN-HUN-HUN!"

After the door closes up, Ichirin looks around, whimpers, then cries out loud "wait! What about Unzan? I still can't find UNZAAAAAAAN!"

Meanwhile, at the S.S. Glass Leotard, the muscular Rinnosuke, the oiled Kyo in red briefs, and the gruff Unzan, currently await to receive any orders from any of the Makaians in leotards.

From the Palanquin, Ichirin shouts "UNZAN, YOU TRAITOOOOOOOR~!"

The bearded cloud-man is giggled upon by Luize, looks up at his usual partner's sad face, then turns to the blonde while blushing, ignoring the girl, who chokes with her own yelp, and falls over the ship's rails, screaming out loud, even though nobody is really paying attention to her.

Kyo suddenly gasps, looks around, ends up looking at Rinnosuke, and in a serious life-or-death tone, exclaims "Ail's not here! Crap, what could have happened?"

He picks up a phone that looks like Kanako's hair mixed with Suwako's hat, picks up the receiver, punches some numbers, and after the second ring he can hear the phone's been picked up on the other side, and exclaims "Kanako, where's Ail! I thought he was in the Palanquin, but we're doing the scene, and he's not here!"

On the other side, at the Moriya Shrine, the miserable-looking Kanako with a steaming charm pressed against her forehead sighs before saying "look, tell the girl not to fall off. Ail's not going."

"WHAT! ? BUT SHE ALREADY FELL!" excitedly exclaims Kyo from the other side, making the goddess pull her ear away from the earpiece.

Once the boy settled down, the goddess sighs again, puts her ear on the receiver, and says "look, he and Sanae locked themselves in her room and set those traps, so... they are busy, and we can't get to them."

Suwako's shriveled, dry, burnt legs can be admired as she twitches and groans, while the muscular boy on the other side of the pone says "ah, I see. Tch! dammit, when those two get into it, there's just no stopping them!"

"Tell me about it," complains Kanako.

Inside the shrine maiden's room, the girl is yelping, the boy groans, then Sanae finally says "CHEATER! That was too fast! You're cheating!"

Ail chuckles, then says "it's not my fault you don't get into it. It's only natural that I take the lead and finish so easily!"

The shrine maiden suddenly declares "I DEMAND A REMATCH!", to which her boyfriend chuckles mischievously to, and casually replies "fine, but don't cry to me if you're still dissatisfied by the end of it."

The couple sit in front of a widescreen TV, which has a Nin**ndo W*i to its right, and while Sanae holds a W*i wheel and looks annoyed, Ail has the W*imote and Nunchuck on his hands and looks quite content.

The girl is wearing a pair of pink bras and panties, the boy is wearing light-blue trunks, and by the looks of things, he's winning a rousing game of Mar*o *art W*i!

You know, if it were me, I'd be-


At the Scarlet Demon Ark, Damien has just finished installing Remilia and Flandre a brand new, widescreen, Nitori brand LED TV on the ship's living room replica of the SDM.

He taps the right edge of the TV, sighs with a smile after a job well done, then says "it's all set, and I already taught you girls all I could. The rest... *sniffle* is up to you."

Both Remilia, who holds the remote control, and Flandre, stare at the Lord of Darkness with a face of incredible confusion, then the elder Scarlet hesitantly says "erm, right. Thanks. Um, who are you again?"

Damien bows, still smiling and shedding manly tears of joy, but even so, he speaks clearly as he says "my work here is now done. Fly, young ones! Spread those wings and FLY!"

With that, he suddenly takes off, hiding his manly tears under his hood while thinking "they'll be alright. They are strong. Fight one little ones, for the world will be yours soon enough!"

The little vampires remain staring toward the corridor for a while, then the adorable blonde cheers and says "forget him! Press the button onee-sama!"

"Alright, alright, don't be so pushy," says the blue-haired elder before taking her seat on the red couch behind her and her sister and pressing that big red button on the edge of the nice-looking remote.

As soon as the screen turns on, Ail appears on the left, wearing a MASSIVE black helmet with matching black, futuristic clothes and a pair of ridiculous round glasses, to the right is Kyo in an grey officer's uniform with some colorful medals on the right of the chest and wearing a pair of black gloves, and behind them, working on some monitor with a keyboard on front, is Rinnosuke, wearing a perfectly round black helmet and a black uniform.

On said monitor plays the very scene running on the program the little girls are currently watching.

"Wait, are you serious? You mean this scene is happening right now?", asks Ail while pointing to the ground.

"Yes, Lord Helmet," replies Kyo in an official tone. Apparently, that scene is, indeed, happening right now, sir."

"BORING! What TERRIBLE acting," shouts Remilia from the couch.

Ail and Kyo look at the vampire with great annoyance, then the Dark Helmet boy says "hey! Show a little more interest here! We're giving it our all!"

The muscular officer growls and adds "that's right! It wasn't easy recreating a scene from this crappy movie nobody's ever even heard of!"

(Hey, I loved Spaceballs. I'm just being random here.)

The elder scarlet pushes the up-channel button without hesitation, even though the boys are shouting angrily at her, then the screen changes to some sort of nature show.

They can hear Ail's voice as he softly says "now we come across the dreaded Night Sparrow," and then the scene shows Mystia roosting comfortably on a large nest on top of a tall tree branch, where she's sleeping the day away.

"Aww. She's so cute," softly says Sanae's voice. "To think her kind is so dangerous."

The pink-haired bird shifts her hips and flicks her right ear, moans contently, then the boy softly says "ah, she may be dangerous, but she's got some troubles of her own, you know. ...Op, and speak of the devil. It's her natural predator."

Yuyuko quietly creeps her way up the tree and on to that branch, making sure not to disturb it, lest she causes her pray to become wary of her presence.

Once on the branch, her eyes become two tiny white orbs, her mouth expands, her teeth become dangerously jagged, and she starts to drool while licking her lips with anticipation as she creeps closer to the bird.

"Oh dear Kanako! Ail-kun, can't we save her?", softly asks the voice of the maiden, sounding genuinely concerned for the little sparrow.

The boy sighs, and sadly says "I'm sorry, but we can't interfere with nature. We can only watch."

Sanae whimpers and coos while Yuyuko slowly gets closer and closer to her pray, and then...

Remilia and Flandre screech and jump behind the couch when the TV's screen turns red, and is accompanied by a loud roar and Mystia's sudden screech.

"Chin-CHIIIIIIIIINNNNNN~"

"ROAR! *Crunch* Murghlch! *RIIIIIP*

"Oh, it's so HORRIBLE," screams Ail in great distress.

"SOMEBODY STOP THIS, PLEAAAA-HE-HEASE!", desperately cries Sanae.

"AAAAIIIIIIIEEEERRRUGHLLCH!"

*Drip-drip-drip*

The flapping of Mystia's wings cause the shivering vampires to yelp every time, and everything just stops as suddenly as it started.

"Ah" say Ail and Sanae at the same time when they see Mystia back on her nest, sleeping while smacking her lips and shifting her hips around as she rearranges herself.

The shivering vampires slowly peek their heads over the couch's backrest, while the boy softly comments "wow Sanae, I think you were right. That little bird really IS dangerous."

The pink-haired bird flaps her wings softly, burps up Yuyuko's ghostly headband with the red swirl motif, then moans contently again before saying "'scuse me."

The human-goddess girl can be heard gulping, then softly says "I can't believe something that cute can be that powerful."

Remilia turns the TV off, stammers a bit as she turns her face to Flandre's then asks "s-so, wh-what should we do now?"

An arm wraps itself around each of the vampires, making sure to touch their chests and bellies, and when the nosebleeding, sinisterly grinning Sakuya reveals herself from the darkness, she happily says "why not come to my room? I'll make both my mistresses feel very, VERY good."

The vampire sisters take a deep breath of air, and their ear-piercing screams shatters the S.S. Glass Leotard, sending all the sexy girls and perverted men plummeting to the depths below.


At the deck of the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, Murasa, wearing tight, dark purple ninja tights that show off her chest and curves, sneaks her way toward the trap door leading to the ship's bowels.

Behind her are Aya, Kyouko and Orange, and all just walk around as though nothing is really happening anywhere, and even go as far as to wave at Marisa and Maribel, who happen to be playing cards right in front of the Palanquin's captain.

The short-haired ship ghost face palms, then angrily whispers "hey, what happened to your ninja suits? And why are you waving at the enemy? You should be throttling them!"

The tengu wearing a black captain's hat shrugs and says "violence solves nothing, captain," to which the other two girls nod silently in assent.

Mini-chan throws her lycra-clad arms to the air with a frustrated groan, smacks her hands on her hip, then says "fine, whatever! Just help me with Yumemi! She won't let me take that girl so easily!"

The girls salute their captain, who opens the trap door, and after all four girls jump inside, Marisa asks "who were those girls?"

Maribel twitches and her cat ears pop from hiding after having caught the joker card, then flatly says "I don't know, but I won't lose to you. Now pick a card, Marisa-san!"

Inside the ship's bowels, Murasa looks around with an intense and stern face, while whispering to herself "her room. Where's Yumemi's room."

She smiles and says "ah, there it is," when her eyes are met with chibi-neko Miko and her massive neon hand sign that points with an arrow toward a specific door, and reads "She's Here You Pervert."

She walks over to the tiny Miko, reaches for the door, but said chibi neko smacks the captain's hand away with the sign and lifts her tiny left hand.

Minamitsu places her hands inside her chest, rummages around her own breasts, then quickly pulls out a few coins and some bills, and says "you cats are all a bunch of cheapskates, you know that."

The cat girl takes her money and walks away, casually saying "thanks. Nice doing business with you, nya~"

The other three girls just stare as the cat leaves, then Kyouko asks "seriously, where the hell did those things come from anyway?"

Orange raises a finger and as-a-matter-of-factly says "from the author's messed up mind after watching this anime called *muffle muffle, muffle muffle."

Aya has covered the youkai girl's mouth as she nervously chuckle, then says "hey, hey, let's not go saying things so rashly, you cute little idiot."

*CLING*

The sound of two swords clashing takes the girls' attention, and now they gaze upon Captain Murasa, who is pushing her sword against Shinki's, who grunts and says "back off you ship ghost. That blonde is mine!"

With the Makaian goddess are Yumeko, Luize, Yuki, and for some reason, Kaguya, who wears a daring, high-cut, dark red, sleeveless and legless leotard, a yellow shoulder belt with bombs and a few knives on its pockets, and a pair of sexy brown, cross-laced, thigh-high boots.

The Lunar Princess places her hands on her hips, smiles cockily, and says "fear my sexy!"

Twin golden washtubs fall from the dark ceiling, and now Yumeko and Kyouko are knocked out on the ground, both with a steaming bump on the crown of their heads. Nobody seems to care.

The remaining girls all ready for battle, and while the two leaders pull out swords, Orange and Kaguya pull out a rubber chicken, and Aya and Luize pull out a pen and a notepad, and now all glower at each other.

They all raise their chosen weapons, ready to strike, crack jokes, and doodle and gossip against each other, then the door opens up, and a shining Yumemi walks out of the room with a blissfully content face, and after a sigh, she says "she's all yours now. I certainly had my fill. Have fun~"

She sways her hips as she walks away, taking her shining body with her, and as she does, the girls all stare at her in shock and surprise.

After the shining redhead is gone, all the girls outside the door suddenly pile on each other in an attempt to strike the other fast and hard, while inside the room, the newly sexyfied Chiyuri lies on the bed, with her eyes in the shape of two white disks, and having a gaping, blank smile on her drooling, sweaty face, and moaning and chuckling to herself while weakly rearranging her leotard, pulling particularly hard on the bottom.

Outside the door, all the girls lie on the ground, giving Yuyuko the chance to smile casually as she walks by, waves at the fallen girls, then she enters the room.

There's some rustling, a thump, then the ghost princess walks out with Chiyuri hanging over her left shoulder, still having white disks for eyes and lifelessly saying "ooooooooo-please let me rest-oooooooooo"

The well-endowed ghost princess coos after walking over Kaguya's hands, then says "what a lovely decor you have here, Chiyuri-chan. After we're done, you just HAVE to teach me how to adorn my ship like this."

The blonde captain's hands hang around while Yuyuko carries the girl away, while that poor girl can only say "aaauuuuuu-please take off these boobs. The groping is hurting-aaaauuuuuuu~"

The fallen girls are completely ignored, until Tewi breaks out of the floor, slams a large round brown pedestal in the middle, then snickers as she walks away.

The pedestal opens up, then all the knocked out girls suddenly stand up, screaming in sheer terror and full of life, as though they've seen the Yama herself standing before them.

Enemies hug and cry, and before too long, all the girls run away from the ship, breaking a hole to the outside, and running on the air back to their ships.

On the pedestal stands Reisen Udongein Inaba, posing sexily, stretching her body up while wearing a pink, side-tie bikini, and absolutely nothing else on her oiled-up body.

Her almost perfect body is gorgeously exposed in such a manner, that describing it could cause many reactions people would consider lewd and rude, even though it's only natural to react in such ways to this wondrous sight.

Tewi comes back with a scoreboard, adds a stick under Reisen's name, which happens to have SEVERAL sticks, and sinisterly says "don't mess with THIS sexy bunny, you hacks."


Meanwhile, at the Human Village, several youkai and humans work together to fix one of the many messes left behind by the many shenanigans happening around Gensokyo lately.

Two of these youkai are two particular blondes, whom are particular enough to be put to work in a separate space, away from any others that might get in their way, and suffer a most unfortunate accident, particularly.

One of these blondes is Parsee Mizuhashi, who wears a black shirt under a blue overall dress with two bronze buttons, long socks, brown work boots, and is currently NOT protecting her green eyes by leaving her safety glasses set on her blonde wavy hair. Oh, and she has her cute pointy ears exposed.

She glares at Yuugi Hoshiguma, who currently wears a pair of blue overalls over a brown shirt, her red panties are visible through the side holes of her overalls, a pair of thick brown work boots, her red eyes are covered by the safety glasses, her wavy blonde hair is a little longer than Parsee's, reaching down to her lower back, she has a large red horn with a yellow star growing from her forehead, and she also has thick shackles on her ankles and wrists.

The oni is currently hammering some nails on the skeleton of what will be a future house again, while the sexy jealousy is measuring boards of wood, and being obviously annoyed about it.

She suddenly roars and tosses the measuring tape aside, and says I've had it! Why do I have to measure all alone while you get to have all the fun? I want to hit things too!"

Yuugi is already beside her friend, and while offering the hammer with her friendliest grin and a chuckle, she says "alright, alright. You can use the hammer if you want. I don't mind."

As soon as the hammer passes to Parsee's hand, a glint escapes her green eyes, her smile becomes a vicious grin, then the tall woman looks down and says "oh, I dropped a nail," and proceeds to bend down, while the bridge princes says "YOU FOOL! NOW YOU DIE," and swings that hammer with all her might.

Yuugi bends down, Parsee misses her swing and continues spinning with the momentum, the hammer remains on her hand while her swings goes for a second revolution, which catches chibi-neko Damien just as he's about to make his appearance, and as he flies away with a bandaged bump on his forehead, with his manly and suave voice, he calmly says "what an unfortunate event to be caught up in. Such are the fruits of chaos."

The jealous blonde finally falls after slipping, yelps after the hammer falls on her head, then cries "augh! That's so unfair!"

The oni girl finally takes notice that something is going on and stands up, making her partner yelp and shriek out loud "STOP, YOU IDIOT ONI!", when her large red horn gets stuck on the other blonde's skirt, and is being lifted effortlessly by the strong woman.

Yuugi looks around in confusion, apparently unaware that Parsee's skirt is currently all over her face, and after a sigh, she says "man, I took too long picking that up. It's night. *Sniff sniff* Hey, what's that I smell?"

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOT!", screams the green-eyed monster while trying to pull herself free from the large horn to save her decency.

The blonde oni starts moving around roughly in her search for the screaming youkai, and since, for some reason, the skirt doesn't slip off, the woman calls "Parsee? Is that you? It's really dark in here. And it smells funny too!"

"KYAAAH! I'm going to kill you!", cries the desperate blonde as she kicks the woman's ample chest in her desperate attempt to break free of that horn.

Yuugi "whoops" when she trips on a large silver key with gold surrounding the blue-edged handle, and falls face-down on the ground, where Parsee-chan screams even more desperately upon getting an oni's face planted on her nether region.

"KYAAAAAAH~ WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING YOU PERVERT! GET OFF! GET OFF! OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOOOOOSH! SOMEONE HELP ME! SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS PERVEEEEERT!"

Parsee's screaming is so rapid and loud, Yuugi instantly stands up, pulling her friend with her, and says "what? I'll save you! Let me just get you off my face first!"

She picks up the large key that knocked her before from the ground and says "ah, this should free me," then more loudly shouts "don't worry Parsee-chan! Once I get your skirt off my face, I'll get that pervert for you."

Poor bridge princess scream when that oni brutally rips her skirt when she pushes the large key through it to use as leverage, while the tough woman quietly says "say, Parsee-chan, when we get home, you're taking a bath, alright."

"FUCK YOUUUUUUU!" screams the actually-clean green-eyed girl while flipping her finger at her friend.

The blonde woman takes the tip and handle of the large key with her hands, grunts and pushes it forward, and the youkai of jealousy can only scream as she is cannonballed up to the sky.

Parsee screams so many curses and profanities, the trees, rebuilt houses, and even the clouds nearby seem to melt, while the children at Keine's school giggle and laugh at the many, MANY colorful words being echoed on the wind.

Yuugi watches as her blonde friend crashes against the Unnamed Ghost Ship, how that ship explodes, how those pieces of wood fly everywhere along with many screaming girls, then said oni lifts her left arm and catches the burned-to-a-crisp green-eyed youkai and asks "now, where's that pervert?"

The little cat girls, Yumemi and Ran, stand in front of the towering oni, quietly getting her attention after a bit, then the redhead says "nya~ That was really dangerous. You shall be labeled as a hazard-nyan."

The multi-tailed cat girl jumps up high, smacks a Biohazard sticker on Yuugi's forehead, then grabs the horn and swings twice before flipping away, sticking her landing and nodding thrice with her "HUN-HUN-HUN," getting a 9.2 (Yuugi), a 8.5 (Parsee), and a 3 (c-n Yumeko), which seems to annoy her.

The blonde cat leaves sighing and muttering "bad score", her redhead friend follows, the large key on Yuugi's hand vanishes in a spark of light, then the oni looks at her sizzling friend, and asks "did you get that pervert yourself?"

Parsee raises her shivering hand, aims to smack the oni on the face, said oni looks up to the sky at the image of a boy with blue eyes and long, spiky brown hair that's winking at her, says "thank you S*ra", and the jealously youkai girl stabs her arm on the horn by accident, howls in pain, then cries "and I didn't get to hit things!"

Chibi-neko Damien takes the foreground, and while he rubs the massive bump on his forehead, he suavely says "you hit something very important."


Midday at the Moriya Shrine.

Suwako and Kanako are sitting on two cushions each, while each holds a black W*imote, while placing their full attention to the TV in front.

The goddess of winds and war stares at her controller, turns it all around, then asks "and how exactly do I use this?"

The goddess of nature and curses rolls her eyes with a sigh, shows her friend how to properly hold the control, and says "you hold it like this. Seriously Kanako, you're younger than me. You should at least know how to hold a videogame controller."

The gramma-haired goddess; who glares at something with intent to kill after such rude description; looks at her controller, places it like Suwako's, and says "well sorry for not being interested in silly games, oh ancient loli of the ages."

Moriya clicks her tongue in annoyance, and while a red vein pulsates on her hat, she says "whatever! Look, the game's starting. Just try to not hold me back pillow-chest."

"You're just jealous," comments Kanako, just as their attention turns to the game.

It's "New Ero-Kami Buds W*i", starring Super Kreo-chan and her buddy, Kana-chan, and has two extras nobody really gives a toss about.

"Oh, I remember this game from when Sanae was in pre-school. Ah, but it looks so different from before," comments the air-headed goddess of war.

"That's because this, unlike you, is young and fresh," says Suwako with a mischievous chuckle.

Kanako roars and says "that's it! You're going DOWN, rain-licker!"

"HYAH! WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU-"

There is some rustling, but all sounds stop for a second, then "WHAAAAAAA!", both goddesses scream, there's a bright flash, a zap, and now both goddesses are missing from the living room.

Suwako and Kanako find themselves inside world 1-1 of their game, and after looking around themselves for a bit, Moriya shouts "YOU IDIOT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!"

Yasaka looks around at the smiling clouds, carpet-like grass, striped ground, hovering brick blocks, shrugs, then says "hey, you should be thanking me, hikikomori. Do you know how many gamers out there would love nothing more than to be zapped into their own games?"

The blonde stops to think, and when she realizes those words just spewed, she smiles, blushes, and chuckles mischievously.

The blue-haired goddess keeps looking around with her arms crossed under her chest, and asks "so, what's the point of the game? I mean, don't these kinds of situations get fixed when the players beat the game, or something?"

Suwako chuckles nervously and says "that's really clich├ęd, but your right. Ahem, the point of this game is to get through the levels and beat each world's castles so that we", she starts to drool "...may catch Ail and Sanae in the act at the end of it all."

Kanako's face turns beet red, steam puffs out of her nose, her smile becomes goofy and wriggled, then she darts forward, shouting "then what the HELL are doing here standing around for? Let's MOVE!"

Kero-chan stares at her friend as she rushes straight toward a turtle that looks like Genjii, with a beard and all, and nonchalantly says "alright. Just try not to get touched by that-"

*PU-CHIUNN* "KYAHH~"

The blonde face palms and says to herself "this is going to be a long game."

She casually walks over to Kanako, who is a miniature cat version of herself and screams in a high-pitched tone "what's the problem with this game? And what's the deal? Why am I so small, and a CAT?"

Suwako runs over, jumps on top of the bearded turtle that happens to scream just like Genjii, forcing him into his shell, then kicks it hard so that it moves straight toward a line of tiny Shou heads that are using their hair as legs to move around, and after a chain of knocked out Shous, a quick tweeted fanfare plays, and the blonde goddess proudly mumbles "oh yeah. 1-Up."

Kero-chan sighs, looks at the tiny kitty Kanako, and says "look, you idiot, this game is hacked to be five times harder than the original, so don't go rushing into the levels without first having a look around. Now... come with me."

The blonde's sudden hesitation of words comes from the fact that the tiny kitty cat is frowning hard, has red cheeks, large, teary, upward-aimed blue eyes, and is fiddling with her fingers, but what causes the frog girl to lose it, is when that little creature nods.

She looks away to hide her bleeding nose, and says "j-just follow me *pant pant*, and I'll keep us safe. M-May-*pant* maybe I can find us the power ups."

Thanks to earlier, the field is currently clean of enemies, so they reach the first set of brick blocks, and with a smile on her face, Suwako smashes them until she hits the one hiding the power ups.

One is a large green star that reads "Faith", and the other is a large red helmet with a yellow propeller on top.

"Kanako, pick that up," commands the blonde while she chases after the helmet, which seems to want to run away.

The tiny cat girl chases after the moving star, touches it, and after an odd, repeated animation, she grows back to her usual, old self; and again she glares toward somewhere after such a description.

She ignores the source of the insulting description, again, then looks for the blond, calling "hey, Suwako~ Where did you go?"

Kero-chan drops from the sky while performing a drill kick, lands in front of Kanako, now sporting a yellow propeller on top of Pyonta, and wearing purple socks, and says "try to not get hit again too soon, please."

She notices how the blue-haired goddess is staring at her as if exploring her, and angrily says "what? Did you really think I'd wear that laughable helmet and jumper for your amusement?"

The ample goddess just chortles, while the blonde just clicks her tongue and says "whatever. Come on, we need to reach the flagpole before time runs out."

"We have a timer?", asks the air-headed goddess of war.

The nature goddess crosses her arms under her chest, while pointing casually toward the upper-right corner of the world, where the timer is just about to hit a hundred seconds.

As soon as she hurry-up tune begins, the two goddesses screech, and they start running like mad-women toward the goal.

Meanwhile, outside the game, Budou is resting on her belly on the floor and placing her head on her hands, while looking at the TV screen with a nonchalant smile on her face, then starts swinging her legs around and humming the game's tune while the two goddesses continue to scream while running.

Kanako shrieks, and there's that *pu-chiunn~* again, and with a high-pitched voice, she cries "and I got hit again!"

Inside the game, that very goddess has somehow found a Faith Star, and has grown again, but now she has a Tenshi, riding on a smiling keystone, and is throwing tiny, shocking Iku's at her, while Suwako hangs from the tip of the flagpole and shouts "HURRY UP, YOU OLD HAG!"

The old, ample-chested goddess jumps several steps up a hill until she's high above the flagpole, takes one more leap of faith, somehow missing being hit by a shocking Iku, then smashes her head against Suwako's, both fall along the enemy's skull flag, the monsters become coins and 1-Ups, and even though they just went through stage 1-1, the two ero-kamis are knocked on the ground, seeing stars flying around their heads.

Outside, Budou giggles and coos playfully, looks at the third, teal controller next to the console, and casually asks herself "I wonder if I should help them?"

Chibi-neko Ran holds Kanako's controller while she stares at little Budou, nods thrice and hums "HUNHUNHUN!"


Meanwhile, at the Unnamed Ghost Ship, Minamitsu, Kyouko, Orange, and for some reason, both Aya and Satori with an odd camera and an armored third eye, sneak on board said ship, and begin their stealth infiltration in search for Chiyuri, and her boobs.

As soon as the mind-reader lands, the captain turns around and whispers "alright girls, this is a stealth mission. No noise of any kind, no contact with anyone, and certainly, NO KISSING yet!"

The Temple girls all look at the tengu and mind-reader, whom blush and look away from said girls, and from each other.

The girls turn around to face their target destination, then Minamitsu whispers "alright then, try to keep hid-"

"SHAMEIMARUUUUUUU! BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!"

"LOOK OUT, AYA-CHAN!"

"NOOOOOOO! SATORI-CHAAAAAAN!"

Captain Murasa groans as she face palm hard enough to turn her skin red at the point of impact, and just slides her hand as hard as she can down her face while letting out an exasperated sigh in an attempt to calm herself down.

The screaming from Hatate, Satori, and Aya, in that particular order, have destroyed all chances of stealth, and so the mission becomes...

"FREE FOR ALL!"

As soon as the REAL captain screams those words, Kyouko jumps away from a disgusting-looking zombie Hatate, whom has Satori trapped by one of those many tentacles from her back, while Aya jumps around to avoid the incoming attacks, and shoots flashes from her camera to subdue the monster.

Orange and her yamabiko partner stare awestruck at how that tengu girl deals so bravely with that monstrous zombie, then both their faces turn green when Satori grunts, and her grunt comes followed with a very disturbing splosh.

Even Murasa grimaces at whatever may have happened (so much blood), but her goal is Chiyuri and her leotard-clad boobs, and she's not leaving without her!

And that's when she realizes that she, and her two lackeys are currently surrounded and pointed at by several swords from Youmu, Kimi, Merlin, and Yuyuko herself.

The sexy ghost princess/captain with the almost-exposed chest through a white shirt, which has that vest that does very little to cover up much, giggles sinisterly, and says "you have guts coming all the way here to steal from me. U-fu-fu-fu. Tell you what. Since I like you, I'll give you a chance to get that which you desire..."

Mini-chan glowers at the sexy ghost princess with an upward glance, and asks "and what that 'chance' might be?"

Captain Saigyouji giggles playfully, pulls her fan from her pocket, points at the clock tower behind her, and says "climb the clock tower and save the princess from the medusa."

Captain Murasa smiles and casually says "is that all? Pfff! Give me a second and I'll save your princess."

Before moving on, the black haired girl looks around, realizes she's on a ship, and asks "wait, how the hell do you have a clock tow- ...You know what? Never mind. Lemme just take a whack at this."

She walks over the dual doors leading inside the tall tower, looks up, summons her larges anchor, then smashes is against the structure's wall, shattering it to bit, and forcing Futo out the window of the topmost floor while the whole thing crumbles.

Poor Futo-chan screams as she falls along the rubble that once was a large clock tower, but is caught by a single arm from Murasa, who turns around to face the shocked girls, and says "princess saved! Gimmie Chiyuri!"

"THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SAVE A PRINCESS!" screams Youmu, while the hermit moe looks around while still on the ghost girl's arm, before nervously saying "what manner of sorcery is this? I was just enjoying some sunlight, when I suddenly began falling from a tower! WHERE AM I?"

Yuyuko coos and giggles as she walks toward Minamitsu, grabs Futo like a princess, then says "the payment is fair. Go and take your girl. She's right there on the dinner table."

And there she is. The unconscious Chiyuri, sprawled on Yuyuko's dinner table and already smeared in honey.

The poor blonde grimaces in her sleep, then mumbles "uuuuu~ Big boobs... big problems. Back hurts."

The perverted captain of the Palanquin smiles and drools at the sight of her prize, and like some sort of zombie girl, she slowly makes her way to the blonde, snickering while thinking of all the things she'll do, which shall be omitted for obvious reasons.

With her prize drooping over her shoulder, Minamitsu walks over to her girls and says "alright girls, mission accomplished! Let's head back."

When she reaches the temple girls, Orange jumps on Kimi's hands and says "no! Kimi-nee-san said she'd teach me martial arts!"

She shadow dragon looks so blissfully happy with the youkai girl clinging on her like that, her whole character seems out-of-character, but even so, she coos as she hugs the girl and cheerfully says "yes I am, you cute little sweetheart."

Merlin jumps on the other shoulder of said dragon girl, and cheerfully says "YAY! Can I join you? I wanna learn how to kick ass too."

A vein pulsates on the light-orange haired woman, whose eyes become intense with hatred and rage toward the intruding girl, who quickly lets go and backs away, whimpering with fear alongside Kyouko, who happens to have a target-death flag planted on her forehead.

Mini-chan watches the two frightened girls huddle together, shrugs, then says "well, whatever. Your debt to me is paid, so... have fun, I guess."

"Wai-" Kyouko tries to plea for help escaping the shadow dragon, who now has her evil eyes locked on both the yamabiko and poltergeist, and sinisterly asks "now then, which one of you will help us practice?"


Hours later, at the deck of the Palanquin, Byakuren, Shou, Ichirin, and the little red-haired fairy, are in their bikinis, taking in some sunrays for a nice suntan, while Unzan and Rinnosuke, both whom wear short boxers and silly black ties, make sure to be ready for whenever they are summoned.

The cloud man is particularly tense, seeing as his tie is made from a sealing charm that's under Ichirin's complete control, while the manly shop owner seems to be threatened by the constant gaze of chibi-neko Miko, who sits on barrels behind him.

But that's not important now. We move on straight to Captain Murasa's special, secret, hidden, torture room, where Chiyuri is currently waking up, fresh, clean, and still in her sexy leotard.

The blonde sits on the edge of the surprisingly comfortable wooden table with light cushions, looks around at the room, fully wakes up with a fright, her face turns blue, she gulps with fear, and from her right, Captain Murasa says "relax, you're safe now."

The captain wannabe yelps and jumps off the table, though falls on her butt and curses the fact that gravity is a ruthless bitch.

Regardless, after rubbing herself and subduing her pain, she opens her eyes wide, looks at herself, then says "wait, I'm clean? You... didn't do M rated things to me? THANK YOU!"

Captain MOTHER***ING Murasa lights her golden pipe, blows a few smoke clouds to the air, then bluntly says "oh, don't misunderstand. I did a WHOLE LOT OF THINGS to you while you were knocked out."

"I have to admit," adds the captain with a tone of longing as she looks out the only window to the right. "Your cute voice really caught me off guard."

Chiyuri's teeth become jagged, as her face turns blood red, her eyes become two white scowls, and her murderous gaze is shot to Minamitsu Murasa, who blushes tomato red while sighing very contently.

The blonde is about to death-pounce the perverted black-haired ghost, when said girl casually says "you should still be grateful. After I took all that stuff out of my system, I bathed you, washed your clothes, and let you rest here for a whole day, even though in the story it's still the same day as yesterday."

The wannabe girl finds herself moved to tears, and with a soft whimper, she asks "you did that for me?"

Minamitsu just shrugs and says "well, the author's been giving you so much crap, I though a break might do you good ...And it seems he thought the same."

A happy sigh escapes Chiyuri, then from outside, Shou-chan shouts "oh no! Byakuren fell off the ship again!"

The magician monk can be heard screaming "I'm somehow falling again~"

Yumemi and chibi-neko Yumemi crash through the roof of the secret room, which happens to be right behind the new cabin built only a day ago, then the redhead points her finger at Murasa while her cat self mimics her every move, then she bends down and holds her knees to breathe.

She recomposes herself, points at the captain again, then demands "I demand you return Chiyuri to me this very instant! I NEED MY DOSE OF THOSE BOOBIES!"

Captain Murasa shrugs, takes the pipe out of her mouth, and nonchalantly says "eh, go ahead. I'm going after Nitori again now. You can even use this room if you want, but if you do, remember Nazrin gets to play too."

Chiyuri roars and screams "now wait just a damn moment! Don't I have a say in this! ?"

Nazrin appears behind the screaming girl, wearing a shiny red and black leather mistress suit, flicks her tail on the blonde's back like some whip, and says "you only speak when your Mistress tells you, boobielicious!"

Chiyuri grabs her own chest, squeezes it out of rage, and shouts "damn these gorgeous things, and DAMN YOU WILLIE G.R.! WHEN I FIND YOU AGAIN, I'M SUFFOCATING YOU WITH THESE... THINGS!"

The redhead grabs her girl by the waist, easily lifts her up, and says "that's enough out of you. Now COME ONE!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone save me, please! ANYONE!"

ASK, AND YE SHALL RECEIVE, FOR THAT IS THE LAW OF LIFE!

That pixilated man in green appears above the ship like some holy deity, pushes that stick-like sword out, a beam flies from it, then the Palanquin pops in a pixilated burst after being touched by the beam.

After that, a dolphin with a constellation on the forehead swims, er... flies by as though swimming in the ocean, whistles and clacks some cackles, then flies away to the sky, leaving a trail of yellow sparks behind it.


Back at the "New Ero-Kami Buds" game, Suwako, the tiny-kitty Kanako, and a cure fairy in a blue dress and wearing a blue, white-spotted mushroom on her head, are currently running as though their lives depended on it, on world 8-20.

Behind them are three Tenshis on smiling keystones that keep throwing tiny electric Ikus, a Marisa that seems to be divided into five spiky balls, one on top of the other, and no less than five angry Reimus that are wearing helmets, and throw goheis to the air without pause.

"Dammit all, Budou," shouts the blonde curse goddess. "Why the hell did you make this game so damned hard?"

Outside the game, the adorably nerdy bat youkai has installed a high-tech microphone/headphones on the game console, which is also wireless (Hey, videogame company dudes... Take a hint!), and is quite relaxed as she plays with her teal controller sideways.

Almost sounding too natural, the adorable, teal-haired girl says "it's not my fault you guys don't know how to play."

From the TV, Suwako furiously screams "WHO THE HELL CAN PLAY IN A STAGE WITHOUT FLOORS! ?"

"Wahhh~ I don't wanna go poof! Boody-chan, get us out of here!", cries the tiny kitty Kanako in a high-pitched tone of voice.

Budou blushes and cowls with thick, black lines for eyes, and feeling annoyed, she says "don't call me Boody-chan, or I'm going away! Sounds CREEPY!"

Back inside the game, several flying little Remilias and Flandres in shape of hawks have joined the chase for the perverted goddesses, and even worse, they are spitting out scarlet spears and flames.

Finally, the running girls come across a cluster of glowing yellow boxes with pulsating orange question marks on them.

"FINALLY!", shouts Suwako before taking a quick leap that reveals an invisibility Sake-Bottle, but due to 2-D gaming rules, she can jump around the blocks to get the life-saving item.

"ARGH! Budou, how can I get that! WE REALLY NEED IT!" screams the desperate kero-chan.

The little bat youkai grins mischievously while looking at the screen, then says "the sixth block is fake and will break, which will let the bottle bounce over to you..."

The desperate blonde breaks the fake item box with a headbutt, then jumps again, while the cute bat says "...just don't try jumping on the blocks, or you'll- ...ah."

Too late. Suwako reveals a hidden coin block that turns solid upon revelation, preventing herself from reaching that bottle, and said bottle from bouncing to her.

This development, instead, causes the Invisibility Sake to bounce back toward the enemy, and THIS causes the normally-calm blonde goddess to shout such a lovely curse, Budou's W*imote rumbles with intensity.

"BUUUUDOUUUUUUU! WHY? WHY? WHYYYYY?"

From outside, the cute little bat says "well I told you to NOT try to jump on the blocks. I specifically said-"

"MEROWWWWWWW", screams the little cat goddess, pointing toward a Tenshi that has taken the Invincibility Sake, and is currently ingesting its contents.

She grows screen-size, her face becomes red, she grows a pair of horns, her eyes turn dark, and her Ikus take half the screen now, but on the positive side, that one giant oni-Tenshi on a giant sneering keystone has crushed all other enemies.

Suwako and tiny cat Kanako scream out loud, while Budou cheers from outside, as they all head straight toward that bridge with an axe at the end of the stage.

The blonde goddess cackles with glee, and exclaims "FINALLY! THE FINAL GOAL! Kanako, we'll get so see Sanae and Ail in the act!"

The cat goddess cheers with delight as they reach the bridge, which doing so actually forces the oni-Tenshi back (some sort of digital, invisible wall), and now the goddesses smile with excessively wriggled lips at the new monster in FRONT of them.

Miko Toyosatomimi has a massive green turtle shell with spikes on her back, her hair now seems to make the shape of horns, her headphones are made of fire, her mouth looks lizard-like and long, and she's at least nine feet tall... and getting bigger and bigger while some sort of magic spell-like curtain falls on her.

Said spell comes from a weird, green-hooded Tojiko that cackles like an idiot before flying away.

Moriya-sama looks toward what she suspect is the TV screen, and with narrow black lines for eyes, she cries "ara~ Budou. This could get us in trouble, you know."

"No, no, Miko-chan said it was ok. As long as you didn't get to stomp her, that is, so I made her impossible to stomp," happily replies the bat from outside.

Poor little Kanako cries when Miko stomps her king-sized foot on the bridge and roars, then the blonde goddess face palms while sighing, then says "seriously, Budou, you overdid it with the game's difficulty."

"Aw, you guys just need to learn how to play," says the cute bat from outside. "Here, let me show you how it's done. Just stand right there for a second."

Before the blonde can even ask what's the plan, Budou's character jumps on the goddess' head, and uses the momentum to jump up high, strikes a hidden block holding an Invincibility Sake, skillfully falls under it, and the second she grabs it, her character grows a pair of angel wings, and starts sparkling in several intermittent colors.

The little fairy runs right through the giant Miko without doing any damage, stands next to the axe, then suddenly reaches under her own skirt and pulls off a pair of white with black polka-dotted panties from herself.

The monster stares at the panties, her eyes suddenly bulge and she starts to scream while covering her own flaming ears, then very suddenly, she stumbles backward toward other edge of the screen, where Suwako is still standing.

That goddess yelps and whimpers when she realizes she's about to be crushed, and cries "Ka-Kanako, looks like we're-", and that's when she notices the tiny cat goddess standing besides the blue fairy, smiling and waving at the blonde goddess, who points and screams "HOW DID YOU GET THEREEEEEEE! ?"

The tiny kitty goddess jumps and waves her arms with a "nyan" on each jump, while Budou says "I told you to move along with me, but you were too busy staring at my invincible panties to listen!"

"GYAAAAAAAH~!"

Suwako's scream is quickly muted when there's a loud "PU-CHIUN~", following Miko's tumble backward.

After the beast is subdued, a miniature cat version of the blonde goddess jumps toward the two girls, hops right in front of the axe, looks up at the blue fairy with the mushroom hat, and with a high-pitched voice, says "finally, we beat the game. Let's watch the sexy, and get the HECK outta here!"

The background immediately turns black, a sexy song starts to play, and all of a sudden, written in blood-red, the words CENSORED appears in front of the scene that SHOULD show Ail and Sanae during a private moment.

The two goddesses immediately start to cry, then tiny kero-chan asks "BUT WHYYYYYYY~?"

Outside the TV, Budou sits upright, with her arms crossed under her chest as she angrily looks away and says "like I'd deliberately let you see that! I told you two, you aren't bothering mama and papa while they are in alone time!"

While Moriya cries on her belly, repeating all the troubles they went through to get that far, the teary cat Yasaka looks toward the screen and says "Budou, sweetie, please, just get us out of here. I really need to sleep this off."

The little bat coos and giggles, then says "okay! Hang on tight!"

She crawls closer to the console, hits the Reset button, and just like that, the two goddesses are crying in the comfort of their living room, and in their original forms to boot.

The girls look around themselves with wonder, then Suwako swiftly rushes over to the little bat youkai's face, and angrily asks "if getting us out from that game was as easy as hitting reset, why didn't you do it in stage 6-12, BEFORE THAT NUE BULLET WITH A MOUTH CRUNCHED MY ASS! ?"

The little girl smile, kisses the goddess on the nose, and says "because it would be too easy for you, and too boring for the readers."

The blonde goddess stares at the girl, becomes a stone statue, and at the Scarlet Demon Ark, just as Remilia is about to sip on her tea, Sakuya jumps on the table, and begins to dance seductively.


Meanwhile, at the Unnamed Ghost Ship, another battle has been unleashed, where the sexy Makaian girls are fighting against the princess' crew.

Rika, whom is NOT in a leotard, like she should, is squaring off against Youmu, who seems very disheartened at the moment.

The half-ghost girl sighs, lowers her defenses, looks back, and asks "Yuyu-sama~ Do I really have to do this?"

The sweet shrine's maid lowers her sword, looks toward the same direction as Youmu, and sighs "mom~ Can't we do this differently?"

All the way to their right, Yuyuko and Shinki are pushing each other with their swords raised high above their heads, with epic lightning crashing down around them, and thunder rumbling loudly above their heads.

The whole scenery turns to a normal, beautifully warm and sunny day when the two hag-er..., beauties pulls their swords away from each other, and smile toward their girls.

"Now Youmu, don't you chicken out on me now. Besides, if you win, I'll wear that special swimsuit you like me wearing~ *blows kiss*"

The silver-haired girl's face turns beet red upon such offering, saliva starts trickling down the corner of her mouth, and a bit of blood dribbles from her nose down to her lips.

"Rika, dear, don't feel bad. Just don't go all out. Besides, if you win, I'll go to the shrine and play the role of mom for a day, just how you love it *wink*."

The angel-winged maid's cheeks turn pink, her small wings begin to flutter on their own, and the girl sighs happily.

Immediately afterward, both subordinates raise their weapons, then Youmu says "sorry, but I just can't lose! There's nothing my sword won't cut after all!"

Rika grins, activates her Soraogan Mode, and after spreading her large angelic wings, she confidently says "nothing personal, but there's no chance I'll lose to you. Get ready!"

As soon as the two girls engage in combat, we turn our full attention to the ladies in command, whom are looking at their girls with motherly eyes, then Shinki says "all they needed was a little motivation. *Sigh* Bless them both."

Yuyuko giggles and coos, then sweetly says "they are both very good girls. Maybe we could pair them up later. Who knows, it might actually work. *Sigh* So cute."

The two women suddenly turn on each other and resume pushing swords against each other, the sky turns black once more, lightning strikes around them again, thunder rumbles hard, and somewhere under the Youkai Mountain, Damien has just found the Hero's Bow and arrows, and he's not really sure of what to do with them.

He can only stare at the item with disinterest, while wondering "would this thing really kill Ail and Kyo?"

Back at the ghostly ship, Yuyuko kicks Shinki on the stomach, grabs her by her hair, places her rusty sword on that goddess-leveled sexy neck, and sinisterly whispers "now, you admit I'm the sexiest and stronger of the two of us, or your head will find its way into the beast's belly!"

After slurping, the ghost princess thinks "Mainly mine."

The goddess elbows the princess' stomach, headbutts her face, kicks her ankle, and once the well-endowed ghost is down, the Makaian points the tip of her sword on the pink-haired woman's neck, and smiles.

"Give up. You can't beat a goddess in beauty, or might. Even if you wore a leotard now, it's too late, my sexy curves beat yours!"

Thunder and lightning strike besides the woman at the same time, startling the light-blue haired goddess, then the pink-haired ghost kicks that woman's back of the knee, back-rolls away, stands on her feet ready for a swordfight, and after her opponent recovers, they look at each other, and smile while said woman takes her fighting stance.

Shinki swings her sword diagonally, Yuyuko intercepts from below, the goddess swings sideways, the ghost tucks her belly and arcs back, then thrusts forward, making her opponent move left.

The ghostly princes takes this chance to kick the Makaian goddess on the stomach, sinking that boot into that perfect belly, but that's when she realizes Shinki's got her foot, so she smiles and chuckles nervously, while said goddess smiles back and wiggles her fingers back at her.

Without thinking too much on it, she twirls Yuyuko around with such ease, it's not even hilarious (which it is), then she lifts the dizzy ghost woman above her head, then smashes her face-first on the solid wooden floor.

On a picnic table below the ships, the chibi-nekos are having a picnic while watching the two sexy women go at each other's throats with swords.

"You'd think mature women like them would settle their differences with diplomacy, nyan~" comments the tiny Yumemi.

"HUN-HUN-HUN," replies the little Ran, almost sinking her nose on her bowl of ramen.

The suave and beautiful tiny Sanae, whose eyes look like two thin black lines, sighs and with her suave and womanly voice, says "those fools. Don't they know I am the fairest of them all? Why, those two old fossils could never beat me at a real, diplomatic contest."

The two women on the screen, who's eyes become two large white scowls, turn their attention to the cat girl, who starts to laugh too smugly, not noticing how said sexy women start shooting butterflies and dark orbs to the air.

It only takes a second for the danmaku to reach the poor cat, who can only scream as she is blasted repeatedly.

The bullets stop, the TV is gone, chibi-neko Sanae is all burned up and sizzling, and after a long pause, chibi-neko Damien calmly says "danmaku can be very unisex, and quite painful."

"HUN-HUN-HUN," happily hums chibi-neko Ran while looking as obliviously happy as ever.

Back at the ship, the women are about to start their fight again, when SUDDENLY!

Iku falls like a bolt of lightning right on top of the Hakugyokurou replica, and she's wearing a pair of thick black headphones, and is moving her fists left and right in front of her chest while humming Tenshi's song (remixed).

The girls all gasp, then Shinki says "oh, by the GODS! That's too much groove!"

Yuyuko notices the oarfish youkai is about to do her spin and point pose, and screams "NO, YOU FOOL! It's way too much to-"

Nagae spins in place, stops, places her left hand on her hip, points upward with her right finger, then a massive bolt of bold, hot, blue lightning strikes her hard, causing the entire ship to explode at once.

She remains where she is, burnt to a crisp, though her bulging round, blinking eyes suggest she's fine, all the girls on the ship are sizzling while unconscious, and Aya, Satori, and Zombie Hatate, are playing cards over here.

"What a noisy bunch," comments Aya after placing an eight of hearts on the center of the girls.

"So very annoying," quietly comments Satori.

"Biiiitch... esssss," softly hisses the zombie Hatate.

As expected, the currently-unmanned ghostly ship begins its uncharted course toward the S.S. In Your Face Murasa, which somehow fires off a cannon that breaks a hole on the Scarlet Demon Ark, which quickly nose-dives its way toward the S.S. Glass Leotard, which, for some odd reason, turns one-hundred and ninety degrees around, and crashes against the Palanquin.

The image fizzles when Flandre, who is safely bored at the SDM, changes the channel, yawns, then asks "hey, Meiling?"

The cute redhead appears to the lounging girl's right, ignoring the bloody screams and incredibly loud crashes from the ships outside somewhere in Gensokyo, and asks "what is it, young mistress?"

The blonde vampire looks at the gate guard, smiles, then says "let's watch something together."

"FLAAAAAAN! HELP MEEEEEEE!" calls Remilia from the distance, right before something explodes, then the dragon youkai nods and says "sure thing, Miss Flandre! Thank you!"


The scene becomes like a snowy TV screen, and now we find ourselves looking at Nitori and Futo, who looks very interested about the black hand holding a ball of rice above a fire.

"That's right," cheerfully says the kappa, unaware of the perverted ship ghost looming over at the background. "Not only will the Handy-Baller shape the perfect rice ball, it will also prepare the fire, AND cook it for you! Just add seasonings as desired."

Several unseen people clap and cheer along with the starry-eyed hermit moe, while the kappa girl bows toward what we believe should be that unseen audience.

"Whoa~", excitedly exclaims Futo before jumping around and happily asking "may I partake of it? Huh? Huh?"

The blue-haired girl is not sure what that girl said, so she just scratches the side of her head while sweating a bit, and says "um, sure. Be my guest."

The adorable grey-haired girl claps as she cheers, while jumping around with glee, and then Nitori cheerfully says "DONE!"

Again, the unseen audience claps along with the impressed Futo, who suddenly smiles as she looks at the steaming, peach-filled rice ball.

Before the cute girl with the long ponytail reaches for that delicious meal, the twin tailed kappa smacks her hand, then says "ah-ah-ah! Just wait a moment. I'm not finished showing what my machine can do. Now watch this."

While the hand pulls itself away from the fire, a small hose appears under its palm, and douses the fire with a quick, but strong splash, while Nitori proudly says "when it's done, the Handy-Baller will douse the fire on its own, wrap you ball in seaweed, then gracefully hand it over to you, so that you don't have to worry yourself about all that stuff. You just enjoy your meal."

Again, the impressed self-proclaimed shikaisen claps along with the unseen public, and quickly stops and cups her hands together as the mechanical hand lifts itself to give the delicious food.

The machine suddenly starts whirring and popping, some sparks fly out of the fingers, then the kappa shouts "uh-oh! HIT THE FLOOR!", to which the confused Futo asks "what? Why would I want to strike the soil? Is this part of your presentation?"

At that moment, the hand winds back, grasps the rice ball, winds back even further while preparing its throw, then Kyouko falls from the sky in front of the hermit girl, and declares "I'M FREE-KYAH!"

The adorable yamabiko gets a face full of rice and peach cream, while at the same time, the impact is so strong, the poor youkai girl flips backward in the air three times, before finally falling flat on her stomach to the ground, where she moans while her eyes spin.

The hermit moe blinks twice, glowers, points at the machine, which seems to twitch with fright, and exclaims "foul mechanization, you have attacked me and harmed a heroic beast girl in the process! I SHALL VANQUISH THEE!"

The mechanical hand seems to express some sort of fright and surprise, and hops its way behind the backpack of its creator, while the angry girl points a glowing finger at it.

Kimi, holding Orange like one would a daughter, walks in front of Futo, turning her attention away from the hand, then grabs Kyouko's leg and says "come on, we still have kicks to work on."

The poor yamabiko cries out loud "wahhh~ But I don't want to be the dummy anymore!"

"WAIT!", loudly shouts the hermit girl.

She walks over to the shadow dragon and the cute youkai girl, points at the teal-haired girl, and asks "may I acquire her instead? I have monetary compensation, if you'd so like."

Kimi smiles at the girl, hands over the leg, and says "I like you. You can have her for free. Just remember to feed her properly."

Futo salutes the dragon, and happily says "you may trust in me, as I have experience with the care of beasts."

Somewhere in Gensokyo, Tojiko sneezes out loud, and sniffles while rubbing her nose with her finger, while Miko stares at her and asks "so, ghosts can get colds, right?"

Back at the demonstration sight, Futo is rubbing Kyouko's ears, making her face flush while she moans and pants contently, all while Nitori is still lying on her stomach, waiting for the explosion from her invention.

Her skirt is suddenly lifted by the wind, revealing her navy-blue swimsuit underneath her clothes, then a pair of eyes glint, Minamitsu jumps from hiding, roaring as she pounces her pray, then the Handy-Baller grabs the perverted captain, scrunches her into a ball, then tosses her away to the distance.

Kawashiro lifts her head, looks around, and asks "hey, where's the explosion.

KARMIC RETRIBUTION!

The mechanical hand suddenly explodes, sending the burnt kappa flying over the air, and falling into the river, right on top of something slimy and green that was floating over the waters.

"Whoops. Sorry," says Hina over the distance.


The channel changes, and now we're at the Hakurei Shrine, where there seems to be a party going on, apparently celebrating the fiftieth rebuilding of the ships.

While some of the girls are just walking about and mingling, others are sitting on picnic sheets, or the few available tables there, and serving them are Sakuya, Mugetsu, and Rika, the latter taking most of the hard work.

The angelic maid zips from one side of the shrine to the other in a beam of light, and she's looking GOOD while doing it.

Sakuya is appearing and disappearing with ease, and though a little out of breath, she continues attending mostly her mistress and Patchouli, but will sometimes tend to Youmu, whom, for some reason, has her hands fully bandaged.

"See Youmu? That's why I told you to wear your gloves, silly," playfully says Yuyuko with her fan covering her mouth.

"I would have used them, if someone hadn't used them for the fire dance," sadly replies the poor gardener.

Mugetsu is the only one trying to keep up, and as she runs around, she desperately cries "why am I even here? I'm not even a real maid either!"

Rika appears before the dream demon with a face so stern, even the flowers behind the blonde bow down along with the girl, who shouts "GLORIOUS MASTER!"

The angelic maid continues staring down at the girl, then says "I am appalled by your behavior, young lady. You are wearing a proud uniform of respectable servitude, and while you wear it, you will act as such, or I will be forced to discipline you! Did I make myself clear?"

The poor demon cries as she bows repeatedly and says "yes, YES! CRYSTAL CLEAR! Please, forgive this unworthy woman! I'll... I'll follow you to the depths of hell if I must!"

After saying all of that, Mugetsu stops bowing and remains low to the ground, while thinking "this is nuts! I'm supposed to be a dream demon, yet I cower before this magnificent female specimen! I'M SICK!"

She looks up at the well-endowed, goddess-shaped, adorably cute angelic maid, her face becomes flushed as she thinks "but she's so cute and so sexy...", then suddenly jumps toward the brown-haired angel, shouting "PLEASE LET ME TAKE YOU, GORGEOUS ONE!"

The poor blonde is met with a thick boot from a celestial that just happens to fall on her keystone, right where the lusty maid was jumping towards.

"Tenshi," happily coos Rika, right before giving her celestial friend a hug that makes her blush and giggle.

"Just dropping by to see how things are," casually comments the blue-haired cutie, and that's when the angelic maid gasps and exclaims "OH MY GOSH! I forgot about the guests!"

And she's off, straight toward Aya, Satori, Momiji and Hatate, the latter being back to her normal self, and having her brown hair in twin tails as pretty as ever, her white shirt with a tie as tightly cute as ever, her short checkered skirt as short as ever, and her black socks, geta sandals with a platform, and her tokin as tengu as ever.

The girls are chatting away with their plates still holding some of the unfinished food from before, and this happens to annoy Rika a slight bit, yet she politely says "girl, please, finish your plates, or there will be no desert for anyone."

This seems to strike Aya and Hatate the hardest; the evidence when they both gasp extremely desperately; and they quickly grab their plates to wolf down the rest of the meal, both choking at the same time, though nobody cares.

The white wolf casually nods and says "I'll be done shortly. Please do not worry," then the mind reader giggles and says "I'd never do that on purpose, just so that I may see your lady Reimu blushing... So cute."

Rika suddenly gasps like one would in a terror movie, while looking away from the tengu and mind-reader, bows with a quick apology, then suddenly rushes toward Kyo and Luna.

The silver-haired girl is frowning, while her buzzed boyfriend is looking toward Yuugi and cheering at the top of his lungs.

"Mister Kaizo, how could you?" exclaims the sweet maid with her softest stern tone of voice.

The muscled boy turns around, stares at said maid with disinterest, and asks "um... what's the matter, Rika?"

"Yeah, what's wrong? You look so upset," adds the sexy silver-haired one.

Rika points at the boy with a straight hand, and exclaims "how could you? Your woman is sitting right there next to you, and you are looking back cracking jokes with Miss Yuugi! Don't you know Miss Luna loves you and wishes to share things with you?"

The girl blushes and smiles nervously while flapping her hand in the air, chuckling softly, and saying "no, no, no. I'm alright, really."

Kyo, on the other hand, growls under his own breath, but tries to be polite as he says "oi, Rika, not to be rude, but please stick your nose on your own business."

A tiny black vein pops on the right side of the maid's forehead, and while she growls, she softly says "my nose... on business? At my mistress' shrine? RUUUUUUUUUUUDE!"

As her scream echoes all over the shrine, she grabs her ahoge, plucks it right off, and right before everyone's eyes, a black aura consumes her, and disappears rapidly.

Rika's outfit is now black where it once was white, the red skirt has become maroon, her hair has become darker and wavier, her wings have become raven black, and her eyes have become dark violet.

She grabs the boy by the shoulders, lifts him up without effort, sits him next to Luna, and says "now STAY together, like a good couple should! Just like Mister Ail and Miss Sana-EH? WHERE ARE THEY?"

The two love birds that SHOULD have been on a table, are currently elsewhere, saving themselves from my insane brain, while doing who-knows-what.

A puff of steam blows out of Rika's nose as she places her fists on her hips, and angrily says "inconceivable! They didn't even EXCUSE THEMSELVES! When I get them, ooh, they're gonna get it!"

She suddenly points at Kaguya, and angrily says "TOO MUCH SKIN!"

Before the Moon Princess has the chance to understand what is happening, Dark Rika has already sewn long sleeves and a skirt on her sexy leotard, and exclaims "we princesses must be WELL DRESSED AT ALL TIMES!"

Just before said alien princess can even complain, the dark girl shouts "don't talk back to a princess!", then, while Kaguya shrinks, moans "oooooohhh so glorious!", and bows, Dark Rika zips away, grabs Yuki, and starts spanking the girl, while saying "WE. DO. NOT. BURN. FOOD. WITHOUT. NEED!"

Poor fire witch cries with every spank, until she finally manages to cry "MOOOOOOM, SAVE MEEE!"

In an instant, Shinki appears besides Dark Rika, pats her on the head, and says "that's my girl! Acting like a true Makaian!" I'm so *sniffle* So proud *sob*!"

Kyo, Luna, Kaguya and Yuki shout "HEY, INPUT SOME DISCIPLINE!"

When that cute and sexy goddess blushes, chuckles nervously, and bashfully places her left hand behind her head, she's tackled by Mai, Luize and Yumeko, and shortly after, lewd sounds and giggles can be heard coming from the ground, causing the dark maid to turn around in surprise, and exclaim "MOM! TH-THAT'S NOT PROPER BEHAVIOR FOR A GODDESS!"

Suddenly, Mugetsu jump-hugs the dark maid and rubs her face on said maid's hip.

Before Dark Rika can react, Tenshi jump-hugs her from the front, and coos while rubbing her face on the maid's chest, making the girl blush and stammer.

Just as the dark one recomposes herself, Reimu jumps out of nowhere, hooks her hand around her maid's neck, spins around because of the momentum, hugs said girl until their cheeks are pressed against each others', and coos contently.

The maid gulps, her face turns pink, then she poofs and becomes normal Rika once more, and quickly returns her mistress hug while she flaps her angelic wings rapidly, and her ahoge grows back on its own.

There are countless thuds all over the shrine, and now the entire shrine is a bloodbath of happy faces and bleeding noses, which makes dear Rika mumbles a few whimpers before asking "wait, what happened? What's going on? M-Miss Reimu, we have to save them!"

The screen becomes snow again, then Flandre says "man, no action after all. I was hoping to see some."


Now we are seeing chibi-inu Ail, and he looks... inexplicably miserable.

The damned lucky dog is being smothered to the death between the ample bosoms of Yuyuko, then Yukari, then Byakuren, then Kasen, then Sakuya's (wait, what?), and all he does is sigh and whine while he's smothered by Byakuren yet again.

From outside of the scene, Sanae snarls softly and says "hey, Ail, what's the meaning of that?"

The dense boy hums and says "I know. Stupid dog doesn't know how lucky he is. Then again, maybe he wants your chest, huh Sanae? I mean, that would be EXTRA lucky!"

The shrine maiden suddenly coos softly, then the boy can be heard yelping and saying "wh-whoa, Sa-Sanae-chan! Y-you caught me off guard there."

The camera pulls away from the little lucky dog's death scene, where he is dying happily between Sanae's breasts, and now we are seeing Sanae's silhouette doing something to Ail's face that makes him shiver and twitch.

Just as the clothes start flying around the screen, a large image of Budou, holding a large CENSORED sign written in red, appears in front of the screen, shaking her head and saying "no, no, no~ This is not for everyone to see, so watch THIS instead."

Mystia is sleeping on her nest, and has just burped out Keine's hat, quite suspiciously too, then Flandre shouts "ARGH! That's not fair! I wanted to see!"

Outside the world of TV, Meiling is looking very nervous, and chuckles equally nervously, before saying "it's better this way, little sister. Things like that should be kept private. Besides, it's too much for children like... you? ...Meep!"

Flandre's glowing furious glare pierces the gate guard's every defense, and turns her into a shivering mass of fear.

Having achieved her goal, the young mistress calms down a bit, but doesn't stop scowling as she says "I'm almost five hundred years old, Meiling. I can handle a little heat!"

Her cute vampire face becomes a bit flushed, then she admits "aww, but I really wanted to see Ail and Sanae's peep video. Kyo and Luna's was amazing! And not a censor in sight! Ah, it was so hot."

Meiling Hong's heart leaps right out of her chest as soon as the girl chokes on her own gasp, yet manages to screech "YOUNGLADY!"

She holds her chest tight, drops to the floor, and after many breaths of air, she groans and says "that was really unexpected."

The blonde girl stares at the fallen, helpless gate guard, her eyes and her smile become lustful and without saying a word, chibi-nekos Miko and Sanae are carrying the limp redhead, and are trailing after Flandre as she walks toward her room, humming happily to herself.


Out in an open field, where the golden noon sun shines its most beautiful, Chiyuri sits on a large rock, allowing her legs hang down, and swings them lightly so that they sway along with the light wind.

She's wearing her sailors outfit again, and her breast have decreased one and a half cups (she's now a very decent A-cup for us westerners).

"Ah, so nice being back to my old self," sighs the captain wannabe while kicking her legs around.

"Seriously, big boobs are such a pain. Still, it was nice having them. And I guess the attention wasn't so bad either."

She starts rubbing her chest while saying "ugh, just wish they hadn't squeezes me so hard. Oh, came to piss me off? Well, you're not gonna. Not now, at least."

Minamitsu walks over her rival, saying "relax. Not in the mood for a fight right now," and jumps besides her to accompany the blonde in kicking their legs around.

She glances at the blonde captain, then chuckles softly before saying "so, you had the author shrink those things, huh. Well, big breasts do carry a heavy burden to them."

Chiyuri chuckles weakly, and says "heavy is right. Not just that, but everyone wants to squeeze you, and do things to you, and it's just too much. At least Willie and I came to an understanding."

"So, he'll stop picking so much on you?", asks the disappointed ship ghost.

The twin tailed girl shakes her head, and says "he's got another target, but he'll keep screwing around with me, but... well, he'll give me a break once in a while. Something about getting back at Miko and Mamizou."

The sudden image of a girl with round glasses and a huge tail appears in a flash before Minamitsu, who chuckles nervously, and says "wh-whoa... He's got a death wish, doesn't he. Must wish him good luck. Mamizou... She's not to be trifled with."

Chiyuri suddenly shivers, and asks "is she really that scary?"

Minamitsu looks over at the blonde, and a silver washtub falls on her head, knocking her out in an instant, and the captain wannabe just watches as the black-haired girl falls off the rock, and thuds hard on the ground.

She then looks up at the grey ship with the blue cockpit and waves while calling "thanks P*ppy! Oh, and you may drop Yumemi now."

The underbelly of the ship opens up like some sort of mouth, then the burned and bruised Yumemi with a head full of bumps falls hard to the ground with another satisfying thud right on top of Murasa.

Chiyuri waves at the rabbit on the spaceship and says "thanks! You were really good help!"

The rabbit man flies away, shouting out loud "DO A BARREL ROLL!", just before going off at light speed.

The blonde girl sighs with satisfaction while looking down on the two unconscious girls, then sighs "Willie can be so accommodating sometimes."

A giant, twenty feet tall black and purple blob monster appears from the right corner of the scene, roars menacingly, Chiyuri screeches, holds her chest, gets stiff, her eyes become two white ovals, she falls to the ground, and starts to foam at the mouth while shivering uncontrollably.


Meanwhile, at the Human Village, the Suspicious Keine has just finished her suspicious cleanup of her suspicious store, and just as she suspiciously closes the lid on the trash bin, the sighs and looks up at the sky. ...Suspiciously!

She looks up at the sky, sighs after seeing Chiyuri's spirit flying to the cluds, then suspiciously says "yup, he got her good. She's gonna come by tomorrow and demand for something to kill the author again, I'm sure of it."

The little twin tailed spirit rushes back to the earth, then the captain wannabe screams out loud "DAMN YOU WILLIEEEEEEEE! I SWEAR I'LL GET YOUR FOR THIIIIIIISSSSSS~!"

Keine turns around, sighs ever so suspiciously, and says to herself "and so ends another chapter of insanity. I guess that after all those adventures, all that drama, and all those undead things, Willie needed to unload the insanity. Hmm, though I wonder, why would he use a K*yblade for this chapter? What's he up to?"

As she walks toward her suspicious school/store, she says to herself "maybe he's just being insane. Eh, whatever, it's nothing I need to concern myself with. Isn't that right, neko-Mokou-tan?"

The suspicious woman pulls Mokou from between her breasts, and the girl is now a very tiny kitty cat with light-lilac hair, and cat ears, is wearing tiny red overall pants, and she's thrashing around while complaining in a high-pitched tone of voice "what's the big idea? I almost suffocated in there!"

"Aww, don't be so sore. I KNOW you liked it in there. You were purring this whole time," casually comments the suspicious woman with a suspicious blush taking her cheeks so suspiciously.

The tiny kitty girl pouts while looking away, hiding her pink cheeks, and mutters "well, it was warm... and soft... and squishy... and yummy."

Keine scratches the little girl's head, making her moan contently and blush, and with a glint in her suspiciously suspicious eyes, she looks inside her school and says "now, we prepare for the NEXT chapter!"

From inside the shop, chibi-nekos Yumemi, Sanae, Damien and Ran all raise their hands, while Ran hums her "HUNHUNHUN!"


To be continued... suspiciously!

Characters, Spell Cards and Scenarios belong to ZUN -Team Shanghai Alice-

Ail, Kyo, Luna Rivers, the RKNS, Agava, Kimi, and Budou were created by Willie G.R.

Rika Onkamikami was created by Snapshot 2010

Damien was created by Hydroviper

All references belong to their respective owners.

Somebody get that Yuyuko out of Mystia's stomach already.

And bring me my hot chocolate!

Ah, please ready the Makai girls. They are getting it soon too!

MAR 8 2012

Written by

Willie G.R.


A/N:

What can I say. There's a lot of insanity inside my mind, though I have to say, I feel I could have done more random, and yet I can't see how. I... have failed here. I must train harder! And just so you know, I wanted to do EVEN MORE, but I noticed I hit 43 pages, and though "Eh, I'll save it for next chapter." And to that I will hold. Expect the unexpected. Take care, and see you next time.