Kazoo Productions ™presents…

A is for…


I cannot stand that man! He's just so…Ugh! I swear, he is stalking me again! Just following me around wherever I go. That wouldn't be so terrible if I could get away from him, but I can't. Did I not mention he lives here now? 'Cause he does. Don't ask me how, but I'm thinkin' he used some sort of blackmail.

But back to topic: do you have any idea how irritating it is to have someone staring at you all the time like you're some short of…fascination? Like everything you do is of the utmost importance? Like he thinks you'll disappear if his stupid eyes leave you for a split second?

Boo! Can I have my face back now?

And what's up with him smiling at me all the time? Seriously all the time. I mean, it makes no sense how he can be as dead as the rest of us in the mornings, but then I walk in a room and he starts grinning like an idiot.

"Good mornin', cherie."

"Bite me."

Six in the morning. There is nothing to smile about at that unholy hour. But I don't know. Maybe he looks forward to being threatened with death. Maybe it's funny. I wouldn't know. I'm usually the one dishing out the threats. Everyone else has the sense to believe that I will follow through, but he seems to be testing if I actually mean it. He'll find out soon enough.

And another thing! That stupid, fluttery feeling I get in my stomach when he's around. That boy is bad for me. I don't get indigestion around anyone else. Probably 'cause he always smells like those spices or something. Every time he's around, I know because of that scent. It's so bothersome being that aware of him.

He is the most frustrating person to be around. When he's doing the staring and smiling, I try to start a conversation. You know, to get away from the extreme awkwardness. I mean, it's not like I actually want to talk to him. Sometimes, we have almost civil conversations for a while before he says something to make me blush and I start cursing at him. Other times, he just up and outta nowhere says something in French – that jerk knows I took Spanish – that sounds like 'a door' or whatever. I don't know.

It makes me wanna smack him. But he'd probably like it, the freak.

That's another thing! He touches me. Like if I'm just sitting somewhere reading, he'll purposely walk over and brush my hair, or poke me, or snatch my book and sit on me. Not the smartest, most pain free thing the boy's done. Yeah, he never made that mistake again. He's the only one who does stuff like that. The moron has a death wish.

And he does these things. When I have a bad day, everyone knows it. I project my feelings, usually with slamming of doors, stomping up stairs, blasting death metal music, and threatening bodily harm. Everyone with a working brain leaves me alone. But does he? Oh, no! He just wouldn't be him then. He will pick the lock on my door, or come through the window, or I swear, just morph in and make me get out of my funk. How, you say? Simple. The fool tackles me onto my bed and tickles me 'til I can't breathe. Strangely effective. Sometimes, he's less drastic and will just let me rant at him.

It's really sweet actually. There are times when he does the most incredibly nice things. The new girl committed the terrible act of drinking the last of my coffee. It really was mine. I bought it and everything. I would have thrashed her but didn't have the energy so I simply yelled for a while before storming off to pout, I mean sulk, I mean…calm down. Wanna know what he did? This boy goes to my favorite coffee/book shop, gets me a vente double shot espresso caramel white chocolate blend and the book I had on hold there. How'd he know about the book and that is my favorite form of caffeine, you say? Stalker.

But the absolute worst thing he's done so far - and this is the kicker - I'm actually starting to be kind of okay with it a little. Obviously, I'm going insane, and I'm all right with it. Or...is an insane person aware that they are crazy? Whatever.

It's incredible, really. I mean, I never kne w anyone could be like that. Just so very annoying.


A/N: Oh, yeah, I just so would not be able to stand someone like that. Actually, anyone who buys me coffee will instantly become my bff.

So I officially gave up on a full scale abcdeghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz romy fic because *whine* that's a lot of letters! I don't know what I was thinking. I was probably on coffee. Anyway, I don't own the characters and stuff.