Kazoo Productions ™presents a Lord Shade inspired piece:

Matrimony-

The church glowed from the soft light that seemed to emanate from nowhere. The witnesses, gathered in their finest clothing, murmured quietly, a gentle hum against the strains of a violin playing an interlude. A little girl with light blond curls skipped down the aisle, scattering red, silver, and gold roses. They shimmered against the lilac of her elegant dress, and the women cooed over how cute she looked.

The music swelled, coming to a crescendo, and changed to the Wedding March. A hush went over the crowd at the call of "All rise!" The sound of feet shuffling echoed through the sanctuary as the people stood as one. Every member of the audience strained their neck as they turned back to see the lace covered doors swing inward, revealing a woman in a classicwhite, sleeveless gown. She stepped forward to the beat of the tune, gliding with graceful ease towards the man standing beneath the alter.

Dozens of faces stared at her. Rogue recognized most of them, some were people she was introduced to only last week, and there were a few people that she had only spoken to on the battlefield. But old friend or not, they were all looking at her with growing grins.

Rogue felt her heart speed up at the sight of the handsome man in the tuxedo. Oh, she loved his black-red eyes, eyes that belonged to her soon-to-be husba-

'Whoa, whoa, whoa!'

Rogue woke up with a start, her heart racing, her cheeks red.

"Where the heck did that come from?" she whispered harshly, aware of her sleeping roommate.

She says that like she doesn't know.

'Ray, shut up!'

Hey, you asked the question!

'I wasn't talkin' to you!'

Oh, so you were talking to yourself?

He's got you there, chere.

She groaned and shoved her head under her pillow. She did not want to deal with him right now, even if he was just the one in her head.

You looked good in your dress, Rogue.

Whoa, Summers. Don' ya have a femme?

What? Yeah, but I didn't mean –

Watch what ya say. Better yet, don't talk and back off my fille.

'I'm not your anything.'

Not from lack of wanting. I mean, that was some kinda dream, you know?

You are such a stalker.

Shut up, Julien!

'Why don't all of you shut up? Y'all are giving me a headache!'

Sorry.

Desole, chere. Forgive Remy.

'Whatever.'

Thankfully, that worked and they all quieted down. But seriously, what was up with that dream? Her marrying Remy? Insane! It was Remy. The guy was arrogant, conceited, a player, and considerate, and wow, did that man fill out a tux! It's kinda too bad that she didn't get to the 'You may kiss the bride' part.

Oh crap, did she really just think that?

This was all that stupid Swamp Rat's fault. Don't ask how, it just was. And now, she probably wasn't going to be able to get back to sleep. That was just wonderful.

Making an attempt anyway, Rogue rolled over and closed her eyes. Relax, breathe, clear the mind. blazing red eyes flashed in her vision, and she bit back a scream as she bolted upright…again.

She made an aggravated noise in the back of her throat and threw off her sheets. Obviously, she was done sleeping.


The next week was long and scary; everyone was on their toes, wary less they upset the Rogue, who had been very irritable lately. Well, more irritable than usual. Normally, she Rogue would just stick with her usual crass sarcasm, but now her testiness was borderline excessive. Really, a simple "Good morning" did not merit death threats involving a cannon. A really big cannon.

And she practically lived off coffee. No one had actually seen her eat anything, and she'd stopped eating at the table a couple of days ago. It was a particularly frightening experience for everyone in the immediate area when Rogue stumbled upon Remy drinking the last of the coffee one morning. Rogue became very still and stared at the empty coffee pot.

In the same way that a deer knows it's going to die just seconds before the hunter pulls the trigger, Jubilee felt immediate danger and glanced up, the sight before her giving her a bad vibe. She nudged Bobby who turned to look. They glanced back at each other, stood and left, dragging Jamie, Bobby, and Tabby with them. Ray had enough sense to get up and leave on his own, but not without taking his cereal with him. Kurt 'ported out with Jean and Scott holding on to his shoulders. They all made sure to move slowly and carefully, afraid that too much movement would attract very unwanted attention.

After the exodus, only Kitty and Remy stayed behind. They watched Rogue set down the pot and lean her weight on the counter. She muttered something that sounded like some kind of voodoo curse. The curse sounded suspiciously close to "may his bones be ground to dust and scattered on the wind never to return home" or something like that.

Remy slouched in his chair, very much amused. He picked up his mug and brought it to his lips, slurping purposely. Rogue stopped her monologue and flinched violently, whirling around. Remy's eyes followed her hips as she stalked towards him, looking halfway like she would like nothing better than to rip his head off. Then drink the rest of the coffee. Not necessarily in that order.

"This is all your fault!"

He tilted his head to the side.

"What do ya mean, chere?"

"See! That right there. That's exactly what I mean! You and all your 'chere' and your flirtin' and you starin'. And that! There ya go smiling when there's

not a damn thing funny. Am I laughing? No, I'm not! And your eyes! Your stupid, STUPID eyes! With their sparkling thing they got goin' on! They not

rubies, ya know it? Or what, did ya steal those too? WHY are you laughing?"

Remy's hand covering his mouth and his shoulders were shaking with suppressed glee.

"Desole, chere."

"STOP SPEAKING FRENCH, DAMMIT!"

Remy opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again, then just coughed suspiciously. "I'm sorry," he spoke deliberately. "But I don't understand whatI did."

"Everything!" she threw her hands up. "I can't sleep 'cause of you! Just the same Amsterdamned dream every! Single! Night! You know what's really annoying? It always stops just before the –" Rogue stopped abruptly and looked slightly horrified at the slip up.

"Just before the what?"

Kitty was watching the two avidly, almost giddy with the 'cuteness' of it all. It was like her very own, live, Lifetime movie!

"Uh…the um…" this is what happens when one doesn't sleep more than twelve hours in a week. The brain doesn't quite function as well. "I – I don't have to tell you. Yeah, it's none of your damn business what was happenin'! And it's just a dream so it don't even matter!"

"It matters enough that you don't sleep for 'bout near a week. Why don't you jus' sit down right here and tell Remy all 'bout it?" he asked, patting his lap.

Rogue stared at him blankly for a moment before her face turned red. If looks could kill, then Remy would be dead three times over.

"You… you…Ugh! I can't think of anything bad enough to call you!" Rogue yelled and stomped out of the kitchen. Remy leaned forward to get a look around the chairs at her retreating figure.

"Mm."

He then became aware of nail's drumming on the table. He reluctantly looked away from the door and glanced at Kitty. She glared back at him expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well what, Chaton?"

She rolled her eyes and pursed her lips. "You're just going to let her go? You're usually chasing right after her by this time. And you drank the last of the coffee. There shouldn't even be enough of you left to cremate you!"

"Ha, don't know if I could keep goin' if ya weren't there to push me," he quipped as he stood and went to pour his now cold coffee down the sink and rinse out the cup. "I got this. Don't worry."


She hadn't been expecting it. Considering the history of their relationship, she should have. But her grey matter was a little screwy as of late so it didn't make the connection. Even when she saw him walking towards her, it still didn't fully register. It was standard procedure, protocol even. She blows up and storms off; Remy shows up and makes it better.

Although, there were few people who could make the connection that someone was trying to cheer them up when they were slung over said someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes and dumped into the back seat of a car. Before she could recover her wits enough to jump out, Remy was speeding out of the yard. Rogue yelled and cursed at him the entire drive, even punching him in the shoulder. Sleep deprived or not, that girl hit hard! He fended her off as best he could, often swerving all over the road. Finally, he whipped the car into a parking lot, got out, and pulled Rogue with him.

"Let…me…go!" she ripped her arm free of his hold and Remy crossed his arms. "You just can't go around slinging a gal in a car like you ain't got no sense! I swear, if I end up out of the state before this day is out, you are a dead man."

He reached up a hand to rub the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders.

"You done?"

"Tch," she scoffed. "Yeah."

He arched a brow and pointed up. Of course, Rogue looked up. She saw a sign. Qutie literally.

'Delo's Heavenly Coffee House'*

Rogue stared for a moment and blinked.

"Oh," she said quietly.

Remy wordlessly offered her his arm. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. Her dreams had finally worked up to the part where the preacher asks 'Who gives this woman' and someone - it alternated between Logan, Kurt, and Kitty, - would hand her off to Remy. The man waited just as patiently as he did in her dream. She reached out to him, and he quickly took her hand, kissed it, and tucked into the crook of his elbow before leading her up the row of cars.

Whether it made sense or not, Rogue was struck with the bizarre parallel to her dream. It was just creepy. Crazy! Or was it? After all, Remy could be really sweet, like now, when he wanted to be. He was probably the only one who could actually get her. And it was nice how he wasn't afraid of her. He could cook too. His eyes were really pretty. He had incredible muscles.

Rogue was too tired to even blush when she realized she'd been rubbing circles along Remy's bicep but did try to drop his arm. He scoffed and tightened his hold as he pressed a cup into her other hand. She stared at it as she was escorted to a booth along the wall. She was so confused on when they'd even gotten in line and the fact that she had coffee that she didn't realize that Remy had trapped her by taking the seat next to her.

She inhaled then took a sip of coffee, closing her eyes to savor the taste of roasted, energy-gving bean juice. Now, Rogue could and would drink coffee straight black if she had to. She didn't like it, but she would. However, she preferred her coffee loaded with the extra stuff like caramel, hazelnut, mocha and whatever other flavorings people could come up with. Because of her varied tastes, she was surprised when a sweet, caramel-ly, mocha and whip creamy tang met her senses.

She peeked up at Remy from under her lashes.

"This is a turtle."

He nodded.

"That's what the coffee girl called it."

"Turtle's my favorite."

He nodded again.

"I know."

Once again, Rogue was confused. How did he know that?

He shrugged.

"I just know you, Rogue."

Confusion turned to amazement. Since when did he read minds?

He laughed.

"You said it out loud, chere."

"Oh."

She brought the cup back to her lips, deciding to drain half of the cup in one go.

"So what's this dream you been havin'?"

It's a good thing no one was sitting across from Rogue. That unlucky person would have gotten a face full of half swallowed coffee. She sputtered and coughed for a minute before she was able to draw breath properly. She glanced at Remy to see him looking at her with a bit of concern and amusement.

"You okay?"

"I have coffee…in my lungs."

Remy rolled his eyes and reached across her to get the napkins and clean up her 'spill'.

"So I take it you're not gonna tell me about your dream then."

Rogue choked again.

"Stop saying that word!"

He arched a brow at her.

"Ya mean dream?"

"Stop it! It is not a dream; it's a recurrin' nightmare and I'd appreciate if you stop trying to make me relive it!"

"All right, all right," he held his hands up in surrender. "I won't talk about it. Seriously though, ya need to tell somebody about…," he chose his words carefully at her dangerous glare, "it."

"No, I don't. I'm perfectly fine with repressing it, thanks."

"Rogue, you nearly broke the Ice Boy's arm the other day."

"He was bein' annoying."

"Y'all were sitting on the couch watching a movie."

"He was breathin' loud!"

Remy didn't say anything after that, and Rogue was content to let it stay that way. She brought the cup back to her lips, watching warily to see if he was going to speak again. He didn't. The warm, cocoa concoction spread through her belly, relaxing her. She let her head loll to the side and rested it on Remy's shoulder. Ever the opportunist, he hesitated for all of a second before he lifted his arm across the back of the booth, pulling Rogue to him more securely. She yawned widely and went right along with him.

"Ya know, cherie, you can tell Remy anythin'. I'm here whenever ya need me."

When she didn't reply, he angled his head to look at her. He arched a brow when he saw that she was fast asleep.

It would seem that she did need him. As a pillow.

Never one to disappoint a belle femme, Remy shifted slightly and stretched his legs out onto the opposite cushion, preparing himself to be there for a while.

After a while, one of the workers walked up to him.

"Excuse me," he said, "but my boss doesn't like people to just sit at the tables. You have to order something."

Remy glanced at Rogue's half full and his completely full cups and back at the boy.

"Jus' charge me for something every twenty minutes I'm here. Don' matter what."

"You don't actually want anything?"

"Not really."

The guy gave him a look.

"So…you realize you're being charged to sit there, right?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'm sorry but my boss –"

"It's fine," Remy waved it away.

The kid nodded and gathered up the mess of cups and soaked napkins and went back to the counter.

It would be well into three hours before Remy absolutely had to move and wake Rogue up. Slightly disoriented and more than a little exhausted, she would allow herself to be led back to the car. He would then carry her into the mansion and up the stairs bridal style as everyone gaped at the way Rogue snuggled into his chest. He would not hesitate, taking her directly to his room, citing in his head that it was closer and he had to make sure she didn't have the nightmare. For twenty minutes, he would leave her alone on his bed as his mind went over other, more active scenarios of Rogue in his bed before her sleep would begin to trouble her. Remy would move to calm her, whispering words of comfort and adoration, coming to lay next to her by the end of it. An hour after, Rogue would wake up to find a sleeping Remy with his arms firmly around her middle. With no hope or thought to trying to escape, she would settle back down to sleep with a contented sigh.

As a direct result, several people would fall out of their chairs in shock when Rogue walked into the dining room, looking a bit more human with a smirking Cajun trailing her.


The church glowed from the soft light that seemed to emanate from nowhere. The people, gathered in their finest clothing, murmured quietly, a gentle hum against the strains of a violin playing an interlude. A little girl with light blond curls skipped down the aisle, scattering red, silver, and gold roses. They shimmered against the lilac of her dress, and the women cooed over how cute she looked.

The music swelled, coming to a crescendo, and changed to the Wedding March.

A hush went over the crowd as call of

"All rise!"

Echoed around the sanctuary as the people stood as one. The lace covered doors swung inwards and a figure was hid in shadow. The shadow moved forward, revealing a woman in a classic white, sleeveless gown. She stepped to the beat of the tune, gliding effortlessly towards the man at the altar.

As she marched down the rose covered aisle, the long white train of her dress followed obediently behind her and familiar faces stared up at her with growing grins. Rogue felt her heart speed up at the sight of the handsome man in the tuxedo. Oh, she loved his black-red eyes, eyes that belonged to her soon-to-be husba-

"Screw this!"

Rogue picked up her skirts, rushed up to the front of the church, and practically tackled Remy. Fortunately, dream-Remy was much more sturdy than real-Remy and easily caught her. She spared the preacher, who was wearing a red and black mask for some reason, and ordered him to

"Just say it."

The 'preacher' shrugged, lifted his hands benevolently, and said,

"You may kiss the bride!"

Back in the real world, that night Kitty watched her roommate giggling and sighing into her pillow. She then felt compelled to pull out her digital camera and take a few shots. Something just told her they would come in handy.


A/N: this is after the season finale, obviously. After Apuckerlips absorbed Rogue, that got rid of all her psyches. If y'all remember, she absorbed Scott and Ray with that episode with X23 and Remy, Julien, and Marius (and probably some random Assassins) during Cajun Spice. That's why it's just them.

*(It is at this point that I start laughing again, realizing that I dedicated a one shot to caffeinated flavored Romy. Oh, that is funny.

Beta'd by the wonderful Lord Shade himself.

Feel free to ignore the insane rant below...

I had coffee the day that I wrote this. Coincidence? Nah, I probably just had coffee on the brain in the back of my mind. And wow, I've seen too many weddings in my life. I coulda kept goin'. You want the whole ceremony? I could do it from memory at this point. You want to know how to wrap balloons around a poll and curl a freaking balloon ribbon? I can do that too. Next wedding, we need to HIRE wedding planners. Rather, the couple should NOT free load and actually let us enjoy the stupid hanging. It's not right that I should be bitter during ol' girl's wedding 'cause I'm thinkin' of how long it's gonna take to clean up all of your stupid decorations. Oh yeah, let's put crepe paper on the walls. Ooh, shimmery CRAP! Oh, let's not have the wedding at the church. Oh no, let's do it at a freakin' community center and tie BOWS on the retarded chairs…that are half empty 'cause you really don't have that many people who actually wanna be here and then they just mess up the bows when they DO sit. WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO TIE A PERFECT BOW! Don't EVEN get me started on the HIDEOUS dresses she made the bridesmaids (her poor sisters) wear! *gag and twitch and pity* okay I'm done.

AND THE CAKE WAS NASTY!