It's that time of the year again where the humor of Christmas needs to be renewed yet again. Hence, I am here today to bring you…
Twelve Days After Christmas
It was seven months after the defeat of Majin Buu. Goku had left for days at a time to bring back gifts; gifts that perhaps were the most unusual ones he could ever buy.
"The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight…"
"Goku, I am not happy about these gifts you've given me!" Chi-chi yelled angrily.
"But Chi-chi, I went through all of the trouble to make up for the ones I missed," Goku insisted with little luck.
"This isn't what I had in mind…"
"Dad, there's more trouble on Earth!" Gohan called from the doorway.
"I'll be right there," Goku looked at his wife again. "We'll talk about this later…"
Chi-chi, once again abandoned for what seemed to be the millionth time, sighed angrily. The first thing she could see that she could take her anger out on was the pear tree.
"And so I chopped the pear tree down and burned it just for spite."
With a strike of a match, it burned to the ground while the partridge flew away annoyed. This didn't deter the irritated house wife before she went for the gun.
"Then, with a single cartridge, I shot that blasted partridge…"
Moments after it fell to the ground dead, she ended up setting it on fire as well.
"That my true love, my true love gave to me."
"Um… where's the partridge in a pear tree?" Goku questioned the next day.
"I don't know…" Chi-chi shrugged absentmindedly. "I figure it was stolen by one of the neighbors…"
"Dang. I guess that's not a bad thing considering you still have the other eleven gifts."
"Dad! Dad!" Goten called. "Trunks and I want to challenge you to an eating contest!"
"Alright!" Goku ran out the door with his son.
"The second day after Christmas, I pulled on the old rubber gloves."
Eying the cage, Chi-chi saw the next victims that she wanted to take her anger out on.
"And very gently wrung the necks of both the turtle doves..."
Despite the female trying to be gentle, the necks snapped rather loudly. Still, it was better than dealing with the turtle doves that looked like they were close to copulating at any moment. Deciding to hide the evidence, she hid the corpses of the turtle doves out in the garden behind one of the heaviest rocks.
"My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me."
"Huh, the turtle doves are gone now…"
"I think they flew south for the winter…"
"Bummer, I was hoping you'd enjoy their songs…"
"Kakarrot! I challenge you to a spar!" Vegeta yelled from the doorway.
"Oooo! Be right there!" Goku smiled before running off.
Shortly after, the phone rang.
"The third day after Christmas, my father caught the croup…"
"Hey Chi-chi," Ox-King spoke on the other end of the line with a weak voice.
"Dad, are you alright?" Chi-chi questioned.
"I caught the croup."
"Hang on, I'll bring something to treat you," Chi-chi hung up the phone and glanced over at the three French hens that sat unsuspecting of the next plot in mind.
"I had to use the three French hens to make some chicken soup."
Later that evening, Goku returned home and noticed that the three French hens were now missing, but there was chicken soup. His mind deterred with food made him temporarily forget about said French hens.
"The four calling birds were a big mistake, for their language was obscene…"
"Damn! That's some nice ass!" One of the birds called out from behind the female warrior.
"Excuse me?" Chi-chi whirled around.
"What a bitch!" Another of the birds cursed cursing.
Needless to say, the calling birds were the next to go.
"The five gold rings were completely fake and they turned my fingers green…"
Chi-chi was scrubbing her hands from disposing of the calling birds when she noticed a strange tinge of color on her fingers.
"I should have known he bought fake ones…" Chi-chi pulled off said rings and threw them out.
"The sixth day after Christmas, the six laying geese wouldn't lay…"
Chi-chi glanced at the birds that refused to lay any eggs. Perhaps it was due to the fact that she ended up scaring the birds the day before when she was trying to get the eggs.
"I guess there's only one thing I can do…" Chi-chi picked up the phone.
"I gave the whole darn gaggle to the ASPCA."
"Thank you very much for doing the most humane thing for these geese…" The volunteer shut the truck's door before climbing into the truck.
"I want to make sure someone who loves them takes good care of them." Chi-chi lied. Truthfully, she hated the gifts and she only got rid of half of them. 'I really need to figure out how to get rid of the rest…'
"On the seventh day what a mess I found…"
Chi-chi was carrying a tub filled with bread crumbs laced with poison cyanide to the lake near their property. However, she ended up finding it wasn't necessary.
"All seven of the swimming swans had drowned…"
"Grr… what kind of swans can't swim?" Chi-chi went back to the house to get a net to clean up the remains.
"My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me."
"The eighth day after Christmas, before they could suspect…"
'I won't deal with this for another four days…' Chi-chi went into the shed to get what rope she could find.
"I bundled up the… Eight maids a-milking, Nine pipers piping, Ten ladies dancing, 'Leven lords a-leaping, Twelve drummers drumming…"
"Well actually, I kept one of the drummers," Chi-chi grinned while speaking this clearly. The 'drummer' in question was actually Turles, but he didn't say complain about it.
'No wonder Kakarrot's an idiot…' Turles rolled his eyes.
"And sent them back collect…"
"Let's get out of here," Chi-chi smiled.
"Wouldn't agree more," Turles picked her up and flew off.
"Chi-chi, I'm back!" Goku noticed that there was envelope on the table. Picking it up, he opened it.
"I wrote my true love, "We are through, love," and I said in so many words…"
Goku had no choice but to blink at the last lines of the letter.
"Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the birds!"
"But I thought it was a great gift!" Goku spoke to no one in particular. "Besides, I got the idea from a song!"