Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight related. No copyright infringement is intended and there is no financial gain by myself in this story. The original characters, plot, and setting are the property of the author, NTJB. Please do not reproduce this story without the express permission of the author.
A/N: Hi. :)
Thank you to my final team: Cindy, KeyeCullen, and jea28. I wanted to make sure the final chapters for this fic were just right, and these women helped me make it so. What a wild ride ladies. So glad I had you three to help me in the end.
I would like to thank my former beta and prereader, maxipoo1024 and kellyprovence, for believing so much in the potential in this story. I will be grateful for the dedication they've put into this fic for as long as I live.
I would be nothing without Melissa. Literally. I'd be a pile of jumbled, tangled nerves because she's always been there for me from the very beginning. Thank you so much.
Tima83, I think my fic would be lost in a wasteland if you hadn't saved me. I needed someone in the middle hours, and you were there. Deep thanks for coming at such a clutch time.
Perchance to Dream is heavy, dark, and has a lot of layers and twists. This is angst on all cylinders. Also, my characters do very extreme things that may dishearten you. I can't ask you to bear with me in those situations; you may flounce whenever you'd like. However, if you choose to continue to read this, know that everything happens for a reason.
Warning: Violence; sexual abuse; drug use; sexual situations.
June 20, 2011- Present Day
Have you ever been at a point in your life when you need to be free and you can't? When everywhere you turn you see one wall after another, thicker than steel and higher than the sky? A life that resembles a maximum security prison more than your own damn life?
I think I've been at that point twice. The first time was when I was stuck in the smallest town on the planet, Forks, Washington. I was there for three dreadful teenage years with my dad and hated every moment of it.
The day I graduated was the best damn day of my life. It was also the day I promised myself I would never be in that circumstance again. I left Forks about a month after graduation, to college in NYC. The perfect city to be free to build myself and be who I wanted... or so I thought.
So today, after all that I have done to leave the restraints behind, I'm here again: bound, veritably gagged, and blindfolded by my life. I have nowhere to go, nothing to see, no one to turn to. It's so much worse than it was before. Three years ago, there was a way out. I could always envision the road I would take to escape. Now, there is no road; there are only walls.
But, here's the crazy thing. You ready for this? I am the only person who could break me out of this prison. Hell, it's not even a real prison! It's all in my goddamn head. I don't even know where the walls begin and where they end, but I do know that for years, I've been seeking the wrong means for release.
All last year, I relied on Edward for it. Edward Cullen. I became addicted to him, even. And now I know that I am in the thick of it. I am still dependent on him; it's as if he has a syringe dripping with heroin, mere inches away from my all-too ready and willing vein. From the moment we met, I thought he was the answer and succumbed to the peace he had inherent in him, in his mutual addiction for me.
It would be so easy to keep living like this, to keep using him to escape from my problems, but I can't. It is now or never. And "never" could not be an option.
He will kill me if I stayed with him. I will become a shell of myself, hollowed out and filled in by him. How can I do that and stand to look at myself in the mirror every morning? I cannot look into my eyes and see Edward's another day, another moment. I have to see mine. And the only way I could do that is to leave.
Now, I wonder how I will break it off with him, knowing how much pain it will cause the both of us. We are addicted to each other. I will need a blood transfusion to get him out of my system alone.
So, here I am: early twenties, a college drop-out, and about to make one of the most heart-wrenching decisions in my life. I sit in our apartment – Well, his penthouse. - re-evaluating my life. We've lived here for only a few months since his dad, Carlisle, bought it. I have been waiting for Edward to get home from an outing with his brother, Emmett, and his father. They went to see Romeo and Juliet at Central Park.
It is 9:30 and dinner from Spice is spread out across the dinner table. He loves spicy Thai food and today is his birthday, so I knew he would like it if I ordered in for us. He likes quiet romantic dinners at home. No interruptions.
This is supposed to be the perfect surprise. He will walk in, seeing the candlelight, the curry chicken and vegetable dumplings, and love me more than he already does. He will see me in my blue dress- one he bought for my birthday last year- and probably tell me he cannot imagine his life without me. We will make love on his three-thousand-dollar sheets and it may be the most passionate lovemaking we will ever have. He may even propose.
I don't know how I will be able to say no to him if he does. I don't know if I have the will to chicken out on him and escape without ever having to face him. Where will I go? I don't have any money. School has been out since May. I can't stay at any of the dorms, and I don't have any other friends here. Only Edward.
So, instead of all of that, this will be the worst day of my life. It will be far from perfection; it will bring about our destruction.
Watching the steam rise from the dumplings, feeling the sweat on my palms, I drown in the hopelessness again. All morning, it overwhelmed me, remembering how I got here in the first place. I spent hours beating myself up over all of the bad choices I have made, only to come to the conclusion that I have to leave.
It would be so easy just to be with him...
If only there were an easier way out. If only I had the courage to take the road less traveled and get out of this mess, a.k.a. my life. If only the mistakes I made did not plague me so thoroughly.
The wax from the candles drips onto the white linen tablecloth like tears. It's a bad omen, and my stomach churns. How will I heal after abandoning him? How will I breathe? I pray that I will have the strength to be stable enough.
As I hear the front door lock click open, the soft light from the hallway brightening the foyer in a warm yellow glow, I pray to find another addiction...
A/N: Perchance to Dream will be only in Bella's POV. :)