"Wedding Bell Blues"

Written by: Toni Ferraro

AUTHOR NOTES: Before we begin, I'd just like to say that this is my first Sailor Moon fic, if you don't count those lousy Sailor Saturn fics from 3 years ago (Which I never really posted anywhere...). This idea has been bopping in my head for a while, and I realized "In the S series, Darien really never had his pure heart taken... so I'll take it!" ^^ This story takes place near the beginning of Sailor Moon S, and a few ideas taken from Archie's Sonic the Hedgehog issue #18. The names will be the translated ones (i.e. Serena, Darien, Lita...etc.). Okay, enough from me. Let the story begin.

Kaori Night stood behind the gates of Crossroads Junior High school. Her latest attempts at finding a pure heart were futile, and she knew if she lost another heart crystal, Dr. Tomoe would probably have her head.

'One of the students at this school must have a pure heart,' she wondered.

Suddenly, the school bell rang, and a horde of students raced out. Kaori Night pressed herself to the gate to avoid being trampled over.

While they ran by, a girl with red hair tied with a green bow asked, "Hey Melvin! Can you believe Serena's 14 and she's already getting hitched?"

"You bet, Molly!" a boy with spiral glasses responded, "I never thought she'd be tying the knot with a guy like Darien!"

As the students ran off, sorts of paper flew behind them.

"What this about tying the knot?" Kaori asked herself.

One of the pieces of paper that was tossed aside flew at her feet. She bent over and picked it up. It was a school newspaper, and the headline read "Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru to get married..."

Kaori smirked at this. "A wedding?" she said, "How nice!" She lowered it and looked at the sky, "I hope they won't mind that I crash it!"


Meanwhile, at the school auditorium, Ms. Haruna walked around the chair aisles, pointing at everything while shouting, "Those bells should be right ABOVE the alter! Nono, those ribbons are too low!! ARGH!! The organ should be on the STAGE, NOT on the front row!"

Lita watched her. "Wow. Her teacher's pretty excited about all this!"

Amy, sitting on the edge of the stage tying together streamers, looked up. "She is directing this, after all," she said, "It probably went to her head alittle."

Lita looked down and chuckled, "No way, Amy," she said, "If any of this went to SOMEONE'S head, you better go look at the bride."

Amy looked across the stage. In the back, Serena was standing on a pedestal while Mina tried to sew a few designer strands on a wedding dress she was wearing. She was having a bit of trouble, since Serena was too busy giggling to herself.

"Ugh... Serena, this is a lot of work!" Mina scolded, "Can you just hold still for a SECOND?"

Serena glanced down giddily, "I'm sorry, Mina!" she chirped, "I'm just so excited that I'm gonna marry my muffin!" She giggled some more.

Mina rolled her eyes. "A little help here?" she called over to Lita.

Meanwhile, Darien was standing in the back of the auditorium. He looked around the place. "Looks good, gang," he called.

Ms. Haruna looked over. "Thank you, Darien," she said, "And thank you for volunteering to help out in the show."

Darien smiled, "No problem, Ms. H. I'd do anything for my friends... especially Serena." He looked across the auditorium, on stage, where Serena stood on the pedestal in her dress, Mina still trying to sew designers on it.

"Darien? Darien!" Ms. Haruna called.

Darien shook his head and his cheeks went red. "Sorry," he said quickly.

"Listen, why don't you go find a tuxedo, okay? After all, you ARE going the be the groom tomorrow."

"A tuxedo?" said Darien, then he smirked, "No problem! I got_plenty_where they come from!" He turned and left, chuckling.

As he exited the school, Kaori Night appeared in the sky behind him. 'So this man is the one getting married?' she thought, 'Too bad he won't live long enough to enjoy it!'


At the Underground lab, Dr. Tomoe stood before a beaker, filled with negative energies. Inside, a small seed was being produced.

"Where is that Kaori Night?" he wondered, "She's late! If I find out what she's doing, then she's--"

"I'm here, Dr. Tomoe. Sorry I'm late."

Dr. Tomoe turned around to see Kaori Night standing behind him, wearing her lab coat.

"About time," he said, "I have just finished another daimon seed. How are things on your side of the duty?"

"I have just found a victim for the heart snatcher," Kaori Night responded, "A handsome, suave young man about to be married tomorrow."

"Ah... marriage," the doctor murmured, "If only_I_could do such a hogly, yet 'haneness' thing!" And with that, he started laughing maniacally.

The daimon seed burst out of its beaker, and flew away into a pipe, where it headed outside towards the school.


Back in the auditorium, Darien had returned with a white tuxedo in a plastic bag in his arm.

He walked across the stage, to the where the girls were standing. Mina had_finally_finished Serena's wedding dress, and it was laying across her arms.

"Hey girls," he called. They responded back with a "hi".

Darien came up to Serena and gave her a quick hug. "Serena," he asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Serena looked up at Darien, sort of suprised. "What? Yes! Of course! Anything!" She drooped and raised up an eye brow, "Why?"

"I'm just making sure you feel comfortable about this."

Serena took things the wrong way. "But I feel more than fine to marry you! That's a stupid thing to ask me! Unless..." She turned away, teary eyed, "You don't WANT to marry me!!!"

Darien gasped and turned her around, to see tears stream down her cheeks. "Nono, Serena! I didn't mean it THAT way!" He dropped down to one knee and took her hand, "If it's one thing you'll be sure of, it's that I'll be there tomorrow to say 'I do'!"

Serena choked on a tear, dropped to her knees, and hugged Darien, thanking him. The girls put their hands together.

Suddenly, there was clapping behind them. "Aww... what a beautiful preview of tomorrow!"

Everyone turned to see Amara and Michelle, standing on the stage, clapping their hands.

"Hi guys!" Serena chirped, jumping back up, "What brings you here?"

"You wouldn't think we'd miss your own wedding, would you?" Amara asked.

Serena grinned and shook her head, "Of course not!" She leapt over and hugged Michelle, "I'm glad you can come!"

Michelle hugged back, "We'll make sure we'll be in the front row," she said, "We wouldn't miss this for the world!"

"Touching, people!" Ms. Haruna called to everyone, "But save some of it for the wedding tomorrow! Get off the stage so we can have a 10 minute break!"

Everyone got off the stage as the entire crew left the auditorium. Just before the door closed after the last person, a seed flew in. It sailed over to a bible, and planted itself in.


The next day, there was a big audience in the auditorium. Ms. Haruna looked around, her fingers on her forehead. "Okay, good... everything's ready to roll!" She looked over to Molly, "Start playing!" she whispered.

Molly, sitting at the organ, nodded and turned around. She then started to play the tune of "Here Comes the Bride".

Then from the back, the auditorium doors opened, and Serena walked in, wearing her beautiful, white wedding dress. Behind her, Amy, Mina, Lita, and Raye followed, wearing purple dresses and holding onto small bouquets.

As she walked down the aisle, everyone smiled. Serena's mother smirked and closed her eyes, "Wow," she said to her husband, "My little baby is getting married."

Serena's father perked up, "She sure is growing up!" He chuckled.

Sammy, wearing his normal clothes, crossed his arms and moaned, "Oh brother..."

The girls passed Amara and Michelle, who were sitting in the front row, smiling proudly.

Finally, they reached the altar, where Darien was waiting, wearing his white tuxedo.

From the back of the auditorium, Kaori Night stood, leaning on the wall, and smirking, ready for the right time to come.

Ms. Haruna stood up from the end of the stage, and whispered, "Enter, priest!"

Then, Melvin walked in, wearing a priest robe. He picked up his bible, and approached the two. He cleared his throat rather loudly, and then finally announced, "Dearly beloved! We are gathered here to witness the coming together of these two star-crossed lovers!"

As he went on, Serena was sobbing to herself. Darien looked down at Serena cluelessly. Raye leaned over and whispered, "Serena, stop crying! You'll mess everything up!"

Serena looked over, still weeping. "I'm sorry, Raye," she whispered back, "But I always cry at weddings... even my own!"

"Now if there is anyone who can protest why these two should not be wed," Melvin held his bible up in the air, "Please speak now, or forever hold your peace!"

Suddenly, the bible began glowing, and shaking. Melvin yelped and quickly dropped it. The bible misshaped itself out of proportion, and suddenly had turned into a shape of a male-daimon. He looked up at the now shocked Serena and Darien and said, "Stop the wedding!"

"This isn't what we rehearsed!" Serena cried.

Amara and Michelle looked at each other, nodded, and ran off.

Ms. Haruna looked at a script. "This is NOT supposed to happen!" she cried, and looked back up, "This is... REAL!!!" She immediately fainted.

"We've got to get everyone out of here!" Amy cried.

Darien nodded, "I'll do it!" He ran to the back of the auditorium, opened the doors, and shouted, "The wedding has been delayed! Run!"

Everyone got out of their seats, and raced for the doors. Serena's mother looked back, "Serena!!" she cried.

Meanwhile, Serena and her bridesmaids confronted the daimon. Melvin then stepped in front of the bride, waving his arms like mad. "How dare you do this sort of thing! Don't you know that you're dealing with two people's love, not to mention an expensive production??"

"Out of my way!" the daimon shouted, and held up his arms, showing the large pages sticking out.

Melvin still waved his arms like mad, "You don't know who you're dealing with! When you mess with a priest--"

Serena launched forward and pushed Melvin to the ground, as the heartsnatcher threw his arms together, nearly crushing the boy. "Get down, Melvin!" Serena cried, "Otherwise, this may turn from my wedding, to your funeral!"

Melvin looked back up, saw the daimon snarl at him, turned to Serena, and said, "Whatever you say!" He jumped back up, and raced towards the exit.

Darien had the door open for him, "Hurry, Melvin! Go!" he commanded.

As soon as Melvin raced out, and the entire auditorium had been cleared, the door suddenly slammed shut. Darien looked up to see Kaori Night, her hand on the door.

"Well, well, well," she spoke, "You're getting married to a pretty, airheaded girl, and I wasn't invited to the wedding." She grinned, "I'll just have to teach you a lesson! Heartsnatcher!"

The heartsnatcher jumped up, and landed next to Kaori Night. "This is your next victim," she said, "Take his pure heart!"

The heartsnatcher smirked, and walked up towards Darien, as he tried to back away. "Here comes the groom," the daimon was singing, "Now spells his doom!"

He opened up his book-shapped body, revealing his bare chest, and a black star on top. The star started glowing, and then started zapping Darien. He cried out in pain.

The girls were witnessing this. "Darien!!" Serena cried, and raced down the aisle, the others at her heels.

Something was forming in front of Darien, and then his pure heart crystal moved out, and sailed over to the heartsnatcher's hand. "Bingo!" he said, handed the heart crystal to Kaori Night. Darien, unconscious and pale, fell to the floor.

"Nooo!!!" Serena cried, running up. She knelt down to Darien and held up his shoulders. "Darien?? DARIEN!!!" she shouted.

"Oh, 'sorry' about your fiance," said Kaori Night, waving Darien's pure heart, "I hope you don't mind I stole his pure heart."

Serena looked over to Kaori Night, and growled, "You monster!!" she cried.

"Uranus World Shaking!!!"

Suddenly, a orange beam came soaring towards Kaori Night. She immediately jumped away. "What the--?"

"Neptune Deep Submerge!"

A blue beam then headed straight for Kaori. "Mistress!" the heart snatcher cried, and pushed her away in time.

Everyone turned to see Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune by the altar.

"I am Sailor Uranus, and on behalf of my planet, I order you to drop that crystal!"

"And I am Sailor Neptune! If you hand it over, no harm will come!"

Kaori Night snarled. "Not you scouts again!" she shouted. "Heart snatcher, take care of things here!" She jumped away with the crystal.

"No!!" Serena cried, "Come back with Darien's heart!"

Sailor Neptune and Uranus jumped after Kaori Night. "Don't worry," said Sailor Uranus, "We'll get it!"

"But will you give it back??" Lita shouted, but the scouts were already gone.

"Kaori Night told me to take care of things for her," said the heart snatcher, "and that's exactly what I'll do!"

He held up his page-like arms, and flapped them, sending the girls flying to the other side of the auditorium.

Serena stood back up, clutching her brooch. "Taking my guy's pure heart is the lowest thing you can ever do!" She held it in the air, "I won't forgive you!! Moon Cosmic Power!!!"

She transformed into Sailor Moon.

Raye looked back at the others and held her fist. "Come on guys, let's do this!"

"Right!" they all responded.

"Mercury Star Power!!!" Amy transformed into Sailor Mercury.

"Mars Star Power!!!" Raye transformed into Sailor Mars.

"Jupiter Star Power!!!" Lita transformed into Sailor Jupiter.

"Venus Star Power!!!" Mina transformed into Sailor Venus.

The five scouts got together. "How dare you attack my stud muffin!!" shouted Sailor Moon, "Disturbing anyone's wedding is a federal LOVE offense in the Sailor Codebook of Justice! I am Sailor Moon! And in the name of the moon..."

All five said simultaneously, "We'll punish you!!!"

The heart snatcher lifted his arms and bangs them together, creating a sonic boom, which shook the entire place. The scouts tried to keep their guards. Then the heart snatcher spun around in a circle very fast, almost like a tornado, and zipped up to each scout, knocking them to the ground.

Sailor Moon sat halfway up, "We could really use Tuxedo Mask about now..." she moaned.

"Too bad!" the heart snatcher sneered, and jumped up and tried to land on Sailor Moon, while still spinning. She jumped away just in time.

"No way!" she cried, "Because of you, he's NOT here!!!"

Sailor Venus stood up. "Venus Love Chain Encircle!" she cried, sending a love chain towards the heart snatcher. The chain tied him up.

"Hey! What the heck??" he cried, trying to get lose.

"Nice work, Venus!" Jupiter complimented, "I'll stun him! Sparkling Wide Pressure!"

Sailor Jupiter sent thunderclaps towards the heart snatcher, which electrocuted and stunned him.

Sailor Moon pulled out her Moon Spiral Rod and pointed it at the heart snatcher. "Now it's time for you to pay... Moon Spiral Heart Attack!!!"

The heart snatcher screamed as the attack came near. Then, he smashed right into the rod's heart, crying out, and then turning back into Melvin's bible. The bible fell to the floor, and the daimon seed popped out. It broke into two pieces, and a black shadow escaped, screeching.

Sailor Moon let out a sigh of relief, then turned to Darien and gasped. "Darien!" she cried, "Oh! What happened to Kaori Night and Sailor Uranus and Neptune??"

On school campus, Kaori Night stood against Sailor Neptune, while holding the pure heart crystal. "Give it up, Kaori Night!" Sailor Neptune ordered.

"I'd like to see you make me!"

"Whatever you say! Neptune Deep Submerge!"

Sailor Neptune sent her attack towards Kaori Night. She jumped from the attack in time, and landed by a bench. "Missed by a mile!" she taunted.

Suddenly, Sailor Uranus jumped from behind the bench and grabbed Kaori Night from behind. "I got her, Neptune!" she announced.

Kaori Night squirmed to get free. "Let go of me!" she shouted as Neptune walked up. She took the heart crystal from her. "That's mine!" Kaori cried, "Give it back!"

Sailor Neptune examined the crystal. "It's powerful, and very lovely" she told Uranus, "But I'm afraid it isn't a PURE heart..."

"What??" Kaori Night cried, "How can that be??" She growled, "Grrr... I've had about enough for one day!" She teleported away and Uranus nearly fell forward.

Just then, the other 5 scouts arrived. "Uranus! Neptune!" Sailor Moon called, "Where's the crystal??"

Neptune held it up. "Right here."

"You can take it back," Uranus said, as Neptune tossed it to Sailor Moon, "It's not what we're looking for."

Sailor Moon was obviously pleased she got Darien's pure heart back, but she couldn't reveal too much to Uranus or Neptune, so she put on a serious face, and nodded.

Back in the auditorium, the scouts, minus Neptune and Uranus, circled Sailor Moon and Darien. Sailor Moon held up Darien's shoulders with one hand, and inserted his pure heart crystal back with the other.

Darien's face twitched, he moaned, then opened his eyes slowly. He looked up at Sailor Moon. "S...Serena?" he moaned.

Sailor Moon's eyes watered. "Yea," she responded, "It's me." She hugged Darien, "Oh, I'm so glad you're okay!"

Darien hugged back, "Me too," he said, "I'd never want to leave you..."

"Which reminds me," said Sailor Mercury, "Don't we have a 'wedding' to continue?"


"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Melvin happily announced.

Serena and Darien turned to each other, and gave a long passionate kiss, as everyone applauded. Michelle and Amara were in the front row, standing while clapping. Mina wiped a tear from her cheek, "Oh no..." she murmured, "I'm starting to become like Serena!" The others laughed.

Behind the doorway, Kaori Night watched everything. "I don't get it!" she said to herself, "How could that man NOT have a pure heart crystal??"

Then the girls, Melvin, Darien, Molly, and a few other people stood next to each other, took hands, and bowed. Ms. Haruna walked up, stood in front of everyone, and bowed herself. She then took a nearby microphone.

"Thank you! Thank you all!" she announced, "I hope you enjoyed our show! Remember there are refreshments in the lobby! Let's have a big round of applause for our two star actors, Darien and Serena!"

"What??" Kaori asked shocked, as the two took their final bow, "Actors??" She looked at the school newspaper she picked up the other day. The headline read "Tsukino Usagi and Chiba Mamoru to get married..." she then noticed it was folded. She unfolded it, and it read in romanized kanji, "In the upcoming play called 'Our Wedding'."

"It was just an ACT??" she shouted, squeezing the paper angrily.

Meanwhile, everyone was waving at the crowd for their performance. Serena cupped her hand to Darien's ear and whispered, "Oh Darien... if only we COULD get married..."

The End