Dirty Peaches 2:The Princess Strikes Back
By Mitchell Coward
Published by Coward Inc.
A long time ago, before Ukraine was a country and TV was in color, there was a girl called Dirty Peaches. A few months had gone by since Dirty had thrown the Princess out the window. She had her old job back as a waitress at Mr. Coops restaurant, but she would still clean the cellar every once in a while. She had her house rebuilt and went back to a normal lifestyle. One day while she was doing her normal stuff at the restaurant, Mr. Coops told her some terrible news. "You're wanted by the Princess!" he shouted. "Why?" asked Dirty. "She didn't say," answered Mr. Coops. "All I know is she's sending out guards to look for you. She's not sending just a few, I'm talking about hundreds, maybe even thousands of guards!" "Oh shoot." said Dirty. "I'm going to have to leave the kingdom." "It's the best thing to do," said Mr. Coops. "But you're going to need someone to help you on your journey." "And who might this be?" asked Dirty. "Dirty, I'd like you to meet my son, Ringo. A tall boy walked out from the kitchen. "Hi," said Ringo . "Hello," said Dirty. " He's perfect!" exclaimed Dirty. "I know" replied Mr. Coops. Later that evening Dirty and Ringo headed off for the kingdom of Grinsworth. "This is going to be a lot of fun!" said Ringo. "I wouldn't be so sure," replied Dirty. "Are we going to have horses or something to ride on?" asked Ringo. "Nope," answered Dirty "I really don't think this is going to be as fun as I thought it would be," said Ringo, sadly. The two traveled day and night on their way to Grinsworth. Along the way they fought bears, lions, and really big spiders. One day they fought the worst animal of them all. "Look out!" shouted Dirty. A huge dragon nearly squished Ringo, who was taking a break. He quickly got up and headed for Dirty, who was running away. The dragon continued to chase them, destroying everything in it's path. While the two were running, the dragon was hit by a big boulder that tore off part of the dragon's wing. It quickly fell to the ground. Dirty could see a large group of men moving toward the dragon. "Those look like the Princess's guards," said Dirty. "We better leave." A few days later they finally made it to their destination. "We're finally at Grinsworth," said Dirty, happily. "Grinsworth?" said an old woman walking by. "This is Drinsworth. Grinsworth is about 100 miles from here." "Oh shoot," said Dirty. "We went to the wrong place." "Don't worry," said Ringo. " We'll get there soon." After resting for a few days in Drinsworth, the two started back on their journey to Grinsworth. This time the trip went smoother than before. There were no bears, giants, or dragons. But there was one giant spider. Four months after they left the kingdom, they arrived at Grinsworth. "This is Grinsworth, right," Dirty asked a man who had just walked out of a restaurant. "It sure is," replied the man, "But be careful, some kind of Princess from another kingdom has sent guards everywhere. There looking for some girl called…What was her name again. Darty, Dlirty, Smerty, wait now I got it! Her name was Dirty Peaches. You know her?" "No, I have no idea who she is, but I'll let you know if I see her," said Dirty, nervously. She quickly walked away. "Wow!" exclaimed Ringo. "The Princess is really mad at you." "I know," said Dirty. "Hey you!" shouted one of the guards. "Have you seen this girl!" The guard showed a drawing of Dirty. "No I have not", said Ringo. Dirty was busy trying to cover her face. "Wait a second! You're the girl. GET HER!" "Run away, Dirty!" yelled Ringo. The two started to run from the guards who were chasing them, but quickly tripped and fell into a pile of hay. The were immediately grabbed by the guards and tied up. "The Princess needs to see you," said one of the guards. He had an evil grin on his face. The guards took Dirty and Ringo back to the castle. It didn't take as long because this time they had horses. A few weeks later Dirty and Ringo found themselves back in front of the castle. When they walked inside they saw the Princess waiting for them "I've been waiting to see you," said the Princess. "NOBODY MESSES WITH ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! Now you're going to pay! Throw them in the dungeon! The guards took Dirty and Ringo to the dungeon. "What are we going to do now?" asked Ringo. "I have a plan," replied Dirty. She then acted like she fell over. "Get up!" yelled one of the guards. She then kicked him, whacked the other, and slapped the third. She then took one of the guard's keys and unlocked her handcuffs. She also unlocked Ringo's handcuffs. "Let's go get the Princess," whispered Dirty. The two walked up the stairs to the Princess's bedroom, but the Princess was ready, She knew Dirty would probably escape. When she spotted Ringo she immediately hit him in the back of the head with a book. "Now It's just you and me!" exclaimed the Princess. The two grabbed a sword hanging on the wall and engaged in a sword fight. The Princess obviously had no idea how to swordfight, but she put up a good fight. After a few minutes of fighting Dirty swung so hard that she chopped the Princess's sword in half. She then backed the Princess up to the window. "Not again!" yelled the Princess. "Yes, Again" replied Dirty, and she pushed her out the window. She landed in the same pile of mud as she did before. "It's even grosser the second time!" shouted the Princess. Ringo then got up. "What did I miss?" asked Ringo. "Not much," replied Dirty. "Nothing important."