Dirty Peaches 3:Revenge of the Princess
By Mitchell Coward
Published by Coward Inc.
Once upon a time, before you could drink coke and play video games, there lived a girl named Dirty Peaches. Dirty was considered a hero for defeating the Princess, again. She was even a hero in Grinsworth since she got the guards out of there. She became good friends with Ringo after they had their adventure. But the Princess still wanted her revenge. She had planned for months what she was going to do. As for Dirty, she continued to work at the restaurant and cleaned the cellars part time. Ringo would work in the kitchen, and Mr. Coops would sit in his office all day, reading suspense novels. For the few months Dirty was gone, the radioactive animals in the cellar grew to a huge number, which almost gave Mr. Coops a heart attack. But the restaurant continued business as usual, even though there were glowing rats downstairs. But Dirty kept doing her normal thing every day, until one day. The Princess was about to carry out her plan. "Hey you!" shouted the Princess. "I want you to throw my mother and father in the dungeon." "What!" yelled the guard. "Never!" "You have to do what I say!" shouted the Princess. "Go!" The guard did as he was told. "Hey, over here!" he yelled to a group of other guards. "The Princess wants us to throw the king and queen in the dungeon!" "What!" said one the guards. "We have to!" replied the other guard. They went to the king and queen, who were sitting on their throne. They pulled both of them down and tied them up. "What's going on!" shouted the King. "Quiet!" yelled one of the guards. They to one of the nastiest dungeon cells and threw them in. "Have fun!" said one of the guards. He started to have a evil laugh. Mr. Coops told Dirty the news the next day. "The Princess has thrown her own mother and father in the dungeon," said Mr. Coops. "She's really gone to far this time!" yelled Dirty. "We have to do something!" "What will we do?" asked Mr. Coops. "I don't know!" yelled Dirty. "I haven't decided yet." Over the next few days the Princess terrorized the kingdom, destroying everything. She even destroyed Dirty's house again. She threw who ever she didn't like in the dungeon, including a bunch of the people who trashed the castle with Dirty before. She sent out guards once again to look for Dirty, so she went back to her job where she cleaned the cellars. The guards blocked the gates to make sure no one could leave. Worst of all, the radioactive rats in the cellar became bigger than horses, which didn't make Dirty very happy. The Princess even started battling with other kingdoms, and she always won. Dirty never got to go outside of the restaurant because if she did, the guards would start shooting arrows at her and running toward her. About a month after it all started. Mr. Coops restaurant was the only building left in the whole kingdom. "This sucks," said Dirty who was hiding under a table, trying not to be spotted by one of the guards. "I know." said Mr. Coops. The restaurant was no longer a restaurant, it was more like a little condo since everyone's homes had been destroyed. "I really don't like the Princess," said a man who was sitting at a table. "I once gave her a present and she slapped me and kicked me out. "I don't like her either," said a lady who was sitting at a table. "She burned my house down because I looked at her." "I'm sorry," said Dirty. "I wish I could burn her house down" said the lady. "We can't do that," said Dirty. "But we might be able to do something else. "I have an idea," said Ringo. Over the next few weeks, Ringo and Dirty thought up an idea, until the guards captured Ringo. Then one day everything changed. The guards started destroying everything they saw, but the citizens weren't going to let them succeed. They became rebels and started fighting the guards, and their base of operations just happened to become Mr. Coops restaurant. Mr. Coops obviously wasn't very happy, but he had no choice. Really, because they were about to throw him out of his own restaurant. Dirty didn't join in because they lost every battle and she didn't want to get arrested. One day, Dirty thought up an idea. She snuck out of the restaurant while the to armies were in a major battle and snuck to the castle. When she saw that it was surrounded by really big guards, she changed her mind. When she came back to the restaurant, she decided to ask Mr. Coops for some help, while he was reading his suspense novel even though their was a major battle going on outside. "Can you help me defeat the Princess, again?" asked Dirty. "I'm not sure about that," said Mr. Coops. "But I have an idea. There's hundreds of those radioactive rats and bugs down there. If you could tame them, the Princess wouldn't stand a chance." "That's not a bad idea," said Dirty. "In fact, that's a great idea! But how will we do it?" "That you're going to have to figure out on your own," said Mr. Coops. The next day Dirty decided to start her mission. She didn't bring any weapons except one really big hammer incase one of them didn't want to cooperate. When she came in a few glowing rats ran toward but instead of kicking it or knocking it silly with the hammer, she started to pet it. It stopped trying to attack her, and a few more animals came out to, including some spiders. I'm not petting one of those spiders, thought Dirty. She found more radioactive animals, like a radioactive cat, a radioactive dog, and a radioactive elephant. She started to train them like dogs and they learned well. About two weeks later she knew they were ready. Dirty went to ask Mr. Coops one last question. "Will you distract the guards while I sneak in?" asked Dirty. "Sure!" replied Dirty. Dirty called up her radioactive friends and went outside. Mr. Coops started acting like he was crazy, and it worked. When Dirty made it to the kingdom, she had the elephant knock down the shiny gold door. When the Princess saw it, she ran for her secret getaway and hid there. While the animals started attacking the guards, Dirty went to free her friends and the king and queen. "Thank you very much," said the king. "No problem," replied Dirty. Come on, Ringo!" Dirty remembered where every room was so when she got to the secret room, she had the elephant knock down the door, again. The Princess grabbed a sword and started to swing at Dirty. Instead of grabbing a sword and fighting back, Dirty just ordered her spider to jump on the Princess. "Get this thing off me!" she screamed. "Okay," said Dirty. She pushed the spider off. "Are you going to throw me out the window now?" asked the Princess. "No," replied Dirty. "Really?" asked the Princess. "Of course I am!" yelled Dirty, and she pushed her out the window, where she fell in the same pile of mud. "WHY IS THIS MUD STILL HERE!" screamed the Princess. Dirty smiled at her and walked back to the restaurant with Ringo. "How did it go?" asked Mr. Coops. "Good!" replied Dirty. "One thing," said Ringo. "Look outside." Dirty turned to see hundreds of radioactive animals destroying the city. "Oh shoot," said Dirty.