Well guys, I had no idea what to put for the next chapter, and since takes down stories that aren't stories, I decided to make a story...you know, with characters and an actual plot?
So yeah...anyway, I'll try to give tips through the narrative, like inappropriate breaches in the storytelling to point out a fallacy in the work. Oh, and OC's who are blatant Mary Sues - so blatant, they are actually aware of it. Maybe you'll feel bad for them, maybe not. I dunno.
And without further ado, I give you: Mary Mary? Quite Contrary! Part II: An actual story featuring actual plot!
Chapter 1: Christiana Sophia Maysalee Thomas and the Mary Sue curse.
Christiana Sophia Maysalee Thomas proudly skipped down the halls of Central City's HQ, having just received the State Alchemist title the Shiny Sparkly Alchemist. One wonders why this title wasn't granted to Major Alex Louis Armstrong...
Anyway, she was the second-youngest State Alchemist in all of history, after her best friend Edward Elric. The two of them became friends while she was getting her state certification, and she secretly had a crush on him. I don't blame her actually, but I personally know better than to expect a guy who's too busy trying to get his brother's body back, and already fairly oblivious to romance anyway...but that's another story.
Well yeah, she liked him, but she was at least a little bit sensible enough not to run up to him and say it. Thing is, Christiana So...ugh, CHRISTY, had a deep dark secret.
She feared she was a Mary Sue.
She'd been worried about it for a long time, and dreaded the day that her Sueness would infect the whole of Amestris and derail everything the FMA fans held dear. One day, she hoped to fix her Sueness with alchemy, if she used the right transmutation - because she wasn't a complete Mary Sue, so she didn't know everything about alchemy - she could become a believable, likable, maybe even lovable character. But if only she could just be normal...
But for now, the Shiny Sparkly Alchemist saw Edward Elric coming her way, and ran up to meet him. She pulled out her silver pocket watch to show him. "See? I'm a State Alchemist now! Just like you!"
Edward smiled. "That's awesome. So what kind of name did they give you?"
"The Shiny Sparkly Alchemist," said Christy.
Edward tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help it. He thought it was a bit strange, some of the names the Fuher came out with...lately he'd been just plain crazy with them...
"What's so funny?" asked Christy. "Ed, I am very unhappy that you think it's funny. I'm going to get really pissed off and walk away,"
And she did. And Ed kind of felt bad, because he'd hurt her feelings. Then he decided that she ought to get a sense of humor, since the author is being nice and not derailing him just yet.
"Oh, lighten up Christy!" Ed pouted. Christy turned around, doing an epic pouting maneuver.
"Pffffft, fine," she said. They walked down the halls some more, and found that HQ had a lot of really long halls.
"Wow, sure are a lot of halls," said Christy, trying to fill the silence. "Hey, Ed? Where's you're little brother Alphonse?"
"I dunno, but I'm sure he's okay," said Edward.
"You don't care where he is right now?"
"Oh no, it's happening again!"
"Edward, I'll have to lock you in the closet and go look for your brother,"
Suddenly, Christy grabbed little Ed and using her super strength, picked him up and shoved him into the janitor's closet. She ignored Ed's screaming as she ran down the large number of halls - why didn't they just put an elevator in here? - until she found stairs. Then, Christy used her magical powers to slide down the rails without getting butt cramps, and then finally came to the exit. By now, the reader is aware that the author was too lazy to research the layout of the HQ building.
Christy ran. She ran and ran and ran and ran. She was terrified at what had happened.
She was derailing Ed's character.
Christy sat in a dark alley, saddened by what she was doing to her friend. Had she just ruined Ed forever? Would he ever keep tabs on his brother's whearabouts again? How hard was it to keep track of a suit of armor?
Feeling especially angsty at what she'd just done, Christy began to cry. She cried emo-y, angsty tears that were shiny and blue.
"No! Edward, I screwed up!" she moaned. "I hate being a Mary Sue! Why can't the author make me a good character instead of a perfect character?"
Little did Christy know, someone was watching her. She was in a dark alley in a big city after all...
"Hey! Can you keep it down? Your emo-ness is annoying me!" someone said.
"Who was that?" Christy choked.
"It's me...I'm like, Jeff, you're bro," out stepped a creature with the head of a teenage boy and the body of a miniature Schnauzer.
"Holy freaking Canada! What on earth happened to you!" Christy gasped.
"Well, they turned me into a chimera. A dog chimera. Remember when you had a normal life and we had a dog?"
"They transmuted me with the dog!" Jeff exclaimed. Then he scratched the back of his ear with his hind paw. "You think your life sucks..."
"Well, it kind of does," said Christy, somewhat annoyed that he wasn't understanding her. "I mean, I don't want to be a Mary Sue. I just derailed Edward Elric's character and..."
"Well then, I guess we both have a problem," Jeff sighed. "So now what?"
"I...I don't know," said Christy as Jeff hopped into her lap. She petted him. "I guess we'll just have to find a way to get our lives back to normal,"
"You still have it better than me," Jeff pointed out. "Although I must say, it's rather interesting being able to defacate outdoors and no one cares,"
"Yeah, well...er, that's nice Jeff," Christy said.
"Any good news?"
"I got my State Certification," she said proudly.
"Oh cool! What did they name you?"
"The Shiny Sparkly Alchemist,"
"Man, this just keeps getting better," chuckled Jeff. "I'm a mog. Half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!"
"Wow, this sure is weird,"
"I know, right? You're an alchemist, I'm a canine, Ed's character's been derailed...what's next? A crossover?"
"No!" Christy shrieked. "I can't handle a crossover! Please don't say that!"
Just then, someone walked by who looked like they might be from a crossover. They both recognized him immediately.
It was Ling, from the other version of FMA.
"Well," said Jeff, "At least it can't get much worse,"
Following right behind Ling was Alfred F. Jones.
"Jeff, I hate you," said Christy.
And so concludes the first chapter of Part II, an actual story with an actual plot. I figured I should make a story part to this, since otherwise would take this thing down. So hopefully, Christiana Sophia Maysalee Thomas will fix her Sueness and be a well-developed character. And find a way to get America back where he belongs...