I'm having way too much fun doing this. I had no idea there were so many Hetalia fans reading this! Just a heads-up: Matt from Death Note is in this chapter. Yes, the one who was there for thirty seconds and dies, with a disproportionate number of fans.
Also, there's a prize for whoever spots the spelling mistakes in here. Maybe not all of them, but...yeah.
Well, now that Christiana Sophia Maysalee Thomas (who I will from now on call "Christy") aknowledged her Sueness and discovered that her brother had been spliced with a dog (in a rather illogical way that doesn't actually make sense if you study biology...but that's beside the point), she was determined to fix that. Cool, so now we have an actual plot because there's a conflict.
The two of them ran out of the alley on their quest to find Alphonse. Maybe he'd know what to do, and Christy had a theory about how she could only bend a character around her feelings toward them.
"So, since I like Edward way more than I like Alphonse, maybe he wouldn't be effected as badly, if he gets derailed at all," she explained to Jeff.
"That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever," he replied.
"We'll have to find him. You can track his scent; he'll most likely smell of kittens,"
"You can't eat them,"
They set off to find the mysteriously misplaceable suit of armor. Sadly, Jeff's human head was rather awkward on his dog body, so he fell forward a lot and had a hard time keeping up.
"Hey! Slow down! Or at the very least, carry me!"
"I hate you,'
"This is for bringing America into this," she said over her shoulder.
"But you like America,"
"I would've rather you brought Matt,"
"Matt's not in Hetalia!"
"We're not even running anymore, are we?"
They both looked down. No longer were they running up the sidewalk, but now they seemed to be floating in an empty open space, covered in stars. Oops.
"Hm," said Jeff, "I think the author forgot we weren't talking in a vacuum...looks like we're stuck in a featureless plane of disembodied dialogue,"
"That, or she wanted to reference yet another anime character,"
"How do we get out?"
"We will just focus on walking, then we run,"
Together, they both chanted 'We're walking, we're walking...' and slowly, the world materialized around them. Here, the author decided to pause for an unnecessary description of Christy: straight, slightly flowy cornsilk blonde hair with a little strip of magenta on the right side. Big, glistening eyes like the ocean; they were blue, or green, teal, aquamarine, or any color that technically shows up in the ocean...even brown. And needless to say, she was white. As the majority of Mary Sues out there are seemingly fair-skinned, it only makes sense that she be pale-fleshed also. And of course, she was slender and pretty, with curves in all the right places. And her oceany -
"Augh! Make it stop!" Christy yelled, unable to bear another moment of being described. "I will rip out my magenta hair strip if you don't stop it now!"
The author, not knowing how to translate a narrative tone in dialogue, punched through the fourth wall and sent Christy and Jeff flying back into reality.
"What just happened?" Jeff asked.
"I...I dunno," Christy said, baffled. "Wait...what were we just doing?"
"Um, looking for Alphonse?" Jeff suggested. "Oh wait, we were doing that, but your Sueness distracted us from it,"
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" CHRISTY SNAPPED. "I NEVER WANTED TO BE A MARY SUE!"
"wHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?" JEFF SHOUTED.
"tHE AUTHOR FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE CAPS LOCK!"
"nAH, SHE JUST THINKS THIS IS FUNNY!" JEFf hollored, quite sarcastically. "Oh wiat, we're back to normal,"
"Come on, we have to find Al!" Christy said before taking off.
Jeff pouted. "Yeah, we're doing such a great job at staying focused...ugh, hey Crhisty wait up!"
They kept on running. This time, they were determined to stay on the path to find Alphonse. Then, they found out that he had been kidnapped.
"What." Jeff said.
"Seriously?" Christy added.
"Yeah, really," said America. "I saw a group of people come after him and take off with him,"
"And you didn't think of trying to help?" Jeff raised an eyebrow.
"$*** why didn't I think of that?" Alfred facepalmed. "Well, now we have to go find him! Come on guys, together we'll come to the rescue of a character I don't know!"
"Hoo boy..." Jeff muttered.
"And of course, I'll be the hero!" America said.
"But...but if I'm a Mary Sue, then how can you be the hero?" Christy asked.
"Shut up Christy! If you let someone else have their moment, it'll make you less of a Sue," said Jeff.
"It's only the second chapter, and I am the main character," Christy argued.
"Well if you want to fix the problem, then you're better off starting soon, right?" Jeff and America pointed out at the same time.
"I want to run in the front," Christy snapped.
"No way, I called the front first! Let me run in the front!" America shot back.
Soon, Christy and America got into a huge fight over who would be the hero. Jeff really missed having hands with which to facepalm.
"Neither one of you is going to be the hero because I'll kill you all!" came a booming voice. Everyone turned to see who it was. There stood on top of a Chevrolet Chevette, a girl with skin so pale you'd swear she'd spent her life indoors. But it looked nice on her. Then there was her hair, really really dark raven (I'm guessing because "black" is politically incorrect), and long and with a bloody red streak of crimsonness to the left side. Her eyes were like two sparkly, flashing amethysts with tiny black slits inside. She wore a suit made of leather - or rubber, it was hard to tell - as raven as her hair, only ravener, made up of a midriff-bearing tank top and a TINY MINISKIRT! (I couldn't help myself there! XD), with fishnet stockings.
"Holy crap, this story's getting weird," remarked an innocent bystander.
"SILENCE YOU PREP!" boomed the girl on the car, who suddenly breathed out a fiery fireball from her mouth and burned the person to dust. Then the girl laughed evilly.
"You...you monster," America gasped at the pile of ashes. "Die bitch!" He pulled out a gun and shot her in the head. She fell off the car.
"Yes! Another victory for me!" said America. But then, suddenly, the girl got back up, and then spat the bullet out.
"Nope, sorry, but I won't die," said the girl. Then she turned to Christy. "Hello, sis,"
Christy stood, terrified. She didn't know what to say.
"Okay...who the hell are you?" Jeff asked.
"I am the homunculus Dark!" exclaimed the girl. "I am the Ultimate Badass!"
"No you're not, I am!" yelled America.
Just then, Matt came over to see what the hell was happening. "Anyone want to tell me why my car's become a platform?"
Dark immediately turned around to face him. "Holy crap you're hot...um...well, hey, wanna come to the dark side?" she offered, giggling flirtily.
"I'm immune to you, that's why I wear these," Matt indicated his goggles.
"What...you won't fall for me !" Dark ran off angsty and pissed. Matt gave her a reason to be emo.
Everyone stared at Matt. He had just pwned a very powerful Villain Sue with the power of goggles - which all along, we knew he had a reason to wear.
"Whoa," said Christy, running up to him. "What you just did...it was awesome! I mean...no, I'm not about to hit on you, because that would be -"
"Wrong. I was gonna say wrong," Christy muttered. "Because I'm already with Edward...no, wait, we're friends, but I mean, like, I've got this crush on him...no, I do NOT want to get with you! Not that I'm saying it couldn't...I mean...Oh God, we want you on our team, okay!"
"Okay," Matt shrugged.
"Finally, someone else who's fluent in smartass!" Jeff said.
"What's with that guy?" Matt looked at Jeff.
"Oh, him?" Christy said. "Uh...well, some awful things happened and now he's a human/dog chimera. No one's really sure what his deal is,"
"Guys, we're still looking for Alphonse, right?" Jeff said.
"That's right!" said America. "We're going to find Al wherever he is and rescue him! And needless to say, I will be the hero!"
"And I'll be the team smartass," said Matt.
And so, Matt, America, Jeff, and Christiana Sophia Maysalee Thomas set off to rescue Alphonse Elric.
ROFL at America and Christy arguing over who should be the hero! That part nearly killed me!
And, I noticed that the first chapter didn't go into describing what Christy looked like, so I put it in here. And yes, there's another Mary Sue...whose one weakness is Matt's goggles, apparently.
For once, I almost think I don't have to say 'please review'...