A new chapter? Surely not! But surely yes, because there is, in fact, a new chapter. The new lack of typos, errant commas, etc, is a result of my new, impressively speedy, beta, meltinglacier! (all authors notes were not so lucky... hence these unnecessary, mysterious parenthesis...)

Disclaimer: JKR wrote 7 elaborately plotted books in about 15 years. I can't get 650 words done in 4 months. It seems unlikely that we are one and the same.


It was the perfect night to roam the school, Myrtle mused as she drifted through a wall. After almost a century of imperfection, she would know. It was a Tuesday night, and there weren't any students out; few had the spirit to sneak out on a Tuesday. No Peeves either, at the moment, he didn't understand the value of solitude.

Myrtle took a shortcut through a locked door and finally came within sight of her destination. Inside that room was one of the few things at Hogwarts to give her joy over these too-many years. It wasn't home, but the girls' washroom off the Great Hall did have its own appeal. To her, all bathrooms did. The way everyone was in such a hurry to leave, they were the ideal place to go to be alone. Besides those few years back in the 20th century when it had been trendy to take illegal potions there, people just didn't spend quality time in cubicles. Their loss, she knew.

Myrtle felt a small laugh of anticipation bubble up in her throat as she floated through the door. Center stall, check for feet, and she was ready. Myrtle paused for a beat, letting the dramatic effect build. Since she stretched out her visit so to find new ratings every trip, she liked to milk the stops for all they were worth. Taking an unnecessary deep breath, she stepped inside the stall.

Scanning the wall for fresh ink, Myrtle ran a transparent finger a few centimeters over the wall, not quite touching it, so as not to be reminded of her current gaseous state. There they where, six months worth of ratings, clustered together along the top right corner of the wall. Albus Potter was at the centre of the grouping, his 8.3 not holding up to his brothers older rating of 8.9999. Myrtle smiled to herself over Hugo Weasley's 6.5. He was as insensitive to her as his father was, so the redhead had more than earned it.

She returned to her inspection of the newest ratings, trying not to gag at that 6th year Finnegan's 10, knowing some stupid girl out there must be blinded and in love. Her disgust would have driven her away, if she hadn't caught a glimpse of Scorpius Malfoy's 9.8. Myrtle couldn't wait to tell him, the quiet boy was almost (don't jinx it, Myrtle, she reminded herself), a friend. He'd approached her in his 2nd year, after his dad told him about her. Back then, she'd have been furious at another girl thinking of him that way, but she had lost interest after he grew to old for the young girl that she'd always be. Now she was only jealous of his happiness, not particularly caring that it was caused by the girl whose name he wouldn't tell her. Hopefully that girl had been the one to write it; if anyone was allowed to be happy, it was Scorpius. Now Myrtle's only problem was making sure he didn't forget her.

It was time to go now, Myrtle knew. Peeves liked to pop up when you least expected him, to startle people, and tonight was going too well to be ruined by the poltergeist. Myrtle couldn't remember the last time she'd been out and hadn't had something go wrong. Nothing would ruin tonight, she refused to offer up the opportunity. Perhaps she'd even check the other list, the one rating the girls. It hadn't been updated in years, but just to refresh her memory. There was nothing like seeing self-centered, pretty girls put down, even if they didn't know about it. Myrtle wasn't on it herself, of course. Nobody really cared about Myrtle Kirkpatrick, no matter how much she'd like them to. She forced herself to cheer up (the image of Hermione Granger with a tail usually did it), and drifted back out into the dim hallway. Tonight was her night.

Sorry about the wait. It was long. I'm pretty much a waste of your wonderful time, favourites and alerts. On another note, the end is near! One more chapter, 'Minerva: take 2'.

As always, copy and paste review suggestions! I'd love for the short on time/energy of you to pick one, I know I would...

Do you try to be terrible?

Oh, gee whiz, I used to like this, but I've lost interest.

Nice enough.

Clearly you spent all those months working on this tirelessly, it's just that good.