It was already afternoon when the gang filed chaotically out of Sam's mom's van, into the parking lot of the local Mall. Caine glanced around, hoping that no one would notice the band being dropped off by one of the member's mothers.
"I hate the mall," Diana said, fiddling with her phone. "It smells like stale pretzels and annoying people."
"Sorry Diana, I think you're smelling yourself." Drake muttered as he wandered through the motion sensitive auto-open doors of the mall first. Diana following angrily after him.
Kira and Astrid were behind the rest of the group, talking about how weird Caine's butt looked in his new jeans.
"I can't tell if they're too tight or if he has, like, a butt tumor or something but it's stressing me out."
"I don't think it's possible to get a butt tumor."
"Why wouldn't it be?"
They sat down behind the long table that had been set out for them, ten minutes before the official start of the signings. Edilio's eyes flickered around nervously – he was still feeling paranoid that Albert was out there in the crowd somewhere, watching. Lurking.
Meanwhile, Caine and Sam were taking bets on who'd get asked for the most autographs.
"I bet I'll sign like, ten times as many as you," Sam said, his gaze trailing on a girl wearing a tank top and jogging shorts.
Drake leaned back in his seat. "I'll sign more than either of you," he said confidently.
"That's probably true, for whatever reason," Diana shrugged in agreement
"It is," Astrid nodded.
"We've been at the mall for ten minutes and I haven't spent any money," Kira muttered, pulling a few hundreds out of her wallet, "which is a problem."
"Good point," Diana and Astrid agreed.
"Shop or watch the boys get attacked by fans..." Astrid tapped her chin thoughtfully.
"Clearly, the former." She finally decided and the three of them set off deeper into the mall with waves over their shoulders at the boys, who were just barely starting the signings.
A few minutes later, the girls were standing near the entrance of Victoria's Secret. Astrid's arms were crossed, and she was looking at the store as if it was about to pounce on her.
"Oh, lighten up," Diana said, rolling her eyes and grabbing Astrid's arm, then pulling her inside.
Kira strolled through the sections with ease. "I need to get something for Drake's birthd-"
"Oh god!" Diana squeaked, diving to hide in the relative safety of one of the bra racks. "Oh god, is that Albert?"
A nearby employee glanced at Diana with a confused look before spotting Albert hiding among some lacy underwear and scribbling something down on a notepad. She went off to another section and pretended she didn't see anything.
Kira blinked and walked over to the rack Albert was hiding under "... These are nice," she said, grabbing a matching set from the rack before turning back to Albert, who had noticed them now and was torn between being really afraid and really turned on.
She pulled him out if the rack by the ear and he yelped in protest.
Astrid stalked over to them. "Albert! What makes you think it's okay to write stories about us? It's an invasion of priva-"
"I'm not a lesbian."
"... It's an invasion of privacy and quite frankly it's just disgusting and disturbing," Astrid finished, ignoring Kira's interruption.
Slowly, Diana crept out from behind the rack and slowly walked over to Kira, Astrid, and Albert, glaring intensely at the latter.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Albert denied.
Kira narrowed her eyes. "Really?" She reached forward and grabbed the notepad from Albert's hand. "Then let's see what this says."
Kira glanced over the page before raising an eyebrow. "Sam and Drake is your favorite couple, isn't it?" She laughed as she tore out the page and handed the notepad back to Albert.
"Listen, can you at least get our sexualities right?" She muttered.
"Can you just not write about us r all?" Diana corrected Kira's less than satisfactory statement.
"... But the fans!" Albert whined, slumping a bit in disappointment.
"That's it." Kira threw up her hands in frustration and started to pull Albert out of the store. "Wait, gotta pay for this, here hold him." She said as she pushed Albert onto the other two girls, much to their disgust.
Albert struggled, but Diana had a pretty strong grip, and Astrid had never wanted to see Drake beat someone up more, so she tried her best too.
When Kira came back with a few bags over her shoulder, the three of them struggled to make it to the guys (on the other side of the mall) with Albert in tow.
"Look who we found." Diana groaned.
Edilio fell out of his chair, and Drake grimaced. "Dude, we're kind of busy here!" he said, pointing to the girls gathered in front of the table.
One of the girls tapped her friend on the arm. "Oh my god, isn't that xxx~lil~romeo~xxx ?"
The girl's friend gasped.
"Hey, hey, no," Caine said. He leaned over to Diana. "If he stays here, he'll steal our spotlight! Half of these people probably have him on their friends list."
"You can't have friends on bandfiction," Drake said.
Everyone, including the fans who weren't too busy excitedly talking about Albert's sudden appearance, glanced at him.
"What?" He asked.
"... Why do you know that?"
"... I did my research," he mumbled, passing another autograph with a smile that was much closer to a grimace.
"Can I go now?" Albert said, trying to free himself from Kira and Diana's grip.
"What, we're just supposed to let you keep taking pictures of us at inappropriate times and putting them on your blog?" Astrid asked with a raised eyebrow.
"I'll delete the blog, I promise!"
"And what about the fanfiction?" Diana demanded.
Albert groaned. "I can't stop writing! I need the practice, I want to become a professional one day. When I'm published, I'll dedicate my first book to you, I'll—"
"No thanks," Drake interrupted.
"Hey, he can't delete it! I'll be so sad!" a fan argued. Many others agreed, and the crowd soon became a pool of excited "yeahs!" in protest of the bands dislike for the writing.
The group looked at each other, concerned with the sudden turn of events.
"Fine," Drake started, as he silenced their over-excited audience, "but let's get one thing straight. I'm dating Kira, Sam is dating Astrid, Diana and Caine are an old divorced couple, and if you're going to write homoerotica then make it about Edilio and Quinn."
"But…but Kira and Astrid! Come on, you can't deny the…I mean…" Albert faltered under the cold glares of the gang – except for Edilio, who was protesting weakly. "Fine, fine! Just let me go."
Diana and Kira looked at each other. Then, with a sigh, they released him. He quickly scampered away from the area, presumably running back home and locking his doors.
The rest of the signing was unusually uneventful, except for the one girl who gave each of the band members one of her bras, and the boy who was hitting on Edilio (and even managed to get his number) and gave them all portraits of themselves done in watercolor.
At the end of the day, they were all exhausted and wanted nothing more than to sleep, so they all piled back into their car and drove off to Quinn's house again.
They were all much to tired to even speak, and fell asleep almost instantly.
The next morning Astrid woke up first and immediately woke the rest of the gang. Caine could barely seem to grasp his surroundings, and was confused as to why he woke up with an unfamiliar bra on his head.
"Where are Drake and Kira?" Astrid asked.
The others shrugged and continued stretching and yawning ungracefully as they tried to adapt to being awake. A good fourty five minutes later, while the rest of the gang was just popping a Spy Kids 3 DVD into the TV, Drake and Kira emerged from around the corner, hand in hand. Drake was being dragged along, as he still couldn't seem to keep his eyes open, and Kira was just sitting and opening her laptop.
"Where were you guys?" Quinn asked.
"... He wrote a new one," Kira was visibly twitching.
"... Is it about Quinn and Edilio?" Sam asked, both intrigued and concerned.
"Nope. Drake, did you leave the windows open last night?" Kira muttered through gritted teeth.
Drake leaned towards the screen and read a few lines before his face flushed completely, "Oh."
"What?" Quinn asked, reaching for the computer.
"This is. Oh god." Kira murmured again, putting her head in her hands.
Quinn's eyes raced back and forth along the page for a minute or two before he stopped, shut the computer, and walked down the hallway.
"Where're you going?" Sam asked.
"To burn everything in the guest room."