The Many Adventures of Wes and David
5 times Wes and David caught Kurt and Blaine in a compromising position
Wes and David had been friends with Blaine since he transferred to Dalton midway through freshman year. They knew everything about him. Which is why it pissed them off when he vehemently denied his attraction to the adorable spy from McKinley. Blaine hadn't taken his eyes off the kid during the Warbler's performance of "Teenage Dream". For the next few days, he checked his phone almost constantly, obviously waiting on a text from the younger boy. He turned red when they mentioned his name and quickly changed conversation topics when they asked how "dear Kursie" was.
When Kurt transferred to Dalton, Blaine got even worse. Blaine flirted like crazy, but moped and whined as soon as Kurt left the room. The way he pined after the boy was nearly embarrassing, and they knew something had to be done about it. So the two Warblers made it their mission to get Kurt and Blaine to admit their love for each other, move to Winnipeg, and make millions of gay babies.
The plan involved six dozen sprigs of mistletoe, an incredibly romantic duet, and a mongoose.
It was all going down on Tuesday.
Or, that was the original plan.
Mademoiselle Bernard had assigned a ten-page essay that weekend, and David was pissed. He was trying to plan this epically epic get-Blaine-and-Kurt-together-showdown, and he couldn't really do that with this French essay unfinished. Wes was in German, so he was no help, and Blaine was god-awful at any language other than English. Which left the oddly-French-fluent-Kurt as the only option. It only made sense, after all. David was about to do Kurt the absolute biggest favor ever, so it only worked that Kurt should help him finish his French essay as quickly as possible.
So, Saturday night, David traipsed down to Kurt's room for help. He entered without knocking, as usual.
"Hey, Kurt, could you—oh."
Blaine and Kurt were stretched out the bed, Blaine straddling Kurt. His face was buried in Kurt's neck, and the younger boy's head was thrown back, mouth slightly open. Neither of them had seemed to notice him (which wasn't surprising, as both were moaning rather loudly). He attempted to back out quietly, but tripped over a forgotten textbook and wound up falling rather spectacularly into the wall.
The two boys on the bed turned, red-faced, and Blaine weakly choked out three words: "David. Out. Now."
David complied, hurriedly backing up and through the doorway.
"David? You alright?"
He nearly screamed when he backed into Wes, who merely cocked an eyebrow curiously. David just turned, mouth opening and closing rapidly.
"Dude, what the hell? What're you freaking out about?"
And before David could stop him, Wes shouldered into Kurt's room, throwing the door open wide.
Two identical screams of "Wes!", followed by a pillow chucked by Blaine at the Asian boy's head, scared Wes enough to follow David into the hall. The two leaped forward to slam the door, then backed up further down the hallway. There was silence for a minute.
"Does this mean we can't go through with our mongoose plan?"
They were disgusting. Truly, horrendously disgusting. Kurt and Blaine were supposed to get together and live happily ever after. They were supposed to get married (in some state where it was legal) and magically make a few dozen rainbow babies. They were supposed to ride of on unicorns into the sunset.
They were not supposed to do this.
This being the gross public display of affection that Wes and David were being subjected to at breakfast. This being the gooey lovefest that was going on three feet away. This being the eyesex that never stopped. Because Wes and David, when creating their brilliant plan to get their friends together, had underestimated one thing: how goddamned horny the two would be all the time.
In hindsight, it should've been expected. They were two teenage boys after all, and neither had ever been in a serious relationship. Blaine had only dated two guys before, and both had been incredibly short-lived. And Kurt had never dated at all, unless you counted the few days he had faked a relationship with Brittany.
But really, the two were touching all the time. The sexual friction followed them all over the school, and Blaine ad practically moved into Kurt's room. They didn't even want to know what went on each night.
Luckily, the two rarely went too far in public. (Unless you counted the Warbler's New Year's Party, when Kurt had downed a few glasses of champagne and thrown himself into Blaine's lap, which resulted in a rather heavy make-out session that made several of the Dalton boys question their own sexuality). They kept the sex in the bedroom. Or at least they used to.
Until that Tuesday in January.
Rehearsal had just ended, and Wes and David were headed back to their room to kill each other in Mario Kart. They were halfway across the building when Wes groaned.
"I left my phone in the choir room! We have to go back."
So the pair doubled back. They were a good hundred yards down the hall when they heard it.
Wes and David halted in their tracks, staring at each other wide-eyed.
"Kurt! Fuck, right there!"
David cocked an eyebrow at Wes, "Your phone that important?"
"All right then!"
David grabbed his friend by the tie and dragged him into the choir room. The two traipsed over to the Council table, where Wes's phone lay innocently in his chair. They grinned at the two boys over by the piano, Blaine perched on top with Kurt between his legs. The two gaped at them for a moment as Wes grabbed his phone and dragged David out.
"Right, well, have fun boys! No glove, no love!"
As they left, David turned to face the door.
"Think we ruined the moment?"
The Warblers put on a concert for Valentine's Day every year. This year, the Council had decided to let Kurt and Blaine do a duet. Dalton was naturally open-minded when it came to same-sex couples, and their two voices blended together magnificently. Wes realized, though, that Kurt had been pretty upset with his first solo audition for the Warblers, and decided to talk to Kurt alone before making the announcement to the full group.
He brought David along for moral support and made his way to Kurt's room.
"Knock knock!" David chirped as they threw open the door and waltzed in.
"Oh! Um, hi guys..." Kurt was oddly red-faced, sitting at his desk. His eyes were glassed over and he looked almost embarrassed. But the pair ignored it as they took a seat in front of him, David perching on the arm of Wes's chair.
"So, Kurt," Wes started, "I was talking with the Council and we were wondering if you and Blainey-boy might perform a duet at the Valentine's concert? I know you we weren't really kind about your first solo audition, but we really thought it might be a good time to showcase your talent. Plus you two lovebirds sound pretty great together."
"Um, yeah, sure. I guess." Kurt's face was still red, and he was gripping onto the sides of his desk so hard that his fingers turned white.
David absentmindedly twirled his bag around on his wrist, quite bored with the conversation.
"So do you have any ideas about what to sing? I mean, the Council obviously gets final say, but we're always open to ideas..."
David's bag fell to the ground with a thunk, and Wes glared.
He leaned down to pick it up, and Kurt croaked a faint, "no!"
As David crouched down to retrieve to his backpack, a slight movement in front distracted him. He looked up, and was greeted by the back of Blaine's head. Blaine. Under the desk. In between Kurt's legs. Oh.
David stood up sharply.
"Wes, we should leave."
David turned around. He was halfway to the door when Wes stated, "Hey, you forgot your—oh my god!"
Wes practically sprinted out of the room, half-shoving David into the hallway.
That night, Blaine handed David his bag with a guilty smile. He grabbed it from his hand and glared at the curly-haired boy.
"Learn to lock a door, Blaine!"
Facebook was like a gift sent from the cyber-gods. After befriending all the kids from New Directions, Wes and David had an arsenal of blackmail to use against Kurt. They regularly made off-hand comments about "lumberjack Kurt" and Mellencamp that left Kurt blushing furiously and Blaine looking confused. It wasn't until one Quinn Fabray posted a relatively wonderful video of a cheerleading routine that the two hit gold, though.
They watched the video for the girls, initially. It was some routine set to a Madonna number that involved stilts and some rather fantastic choreography. But the YouTube link for that video led them to an entire channel devoted to the McKinley High Cheerios, and the two boys couldn't resist watching girls flounce around in short skirts. But then, a miracle.
Wes clicked on a video entitled "Pep Rally-4 Minutes". It started off normally, with a strong hornline and a marching band. But then, a slight male figure waltzed out into the middle of the court, flanked by a girl that they recognized as Mercedes Jones. The two boys's jaws dropped when the boy opened his mouth and the all-too-familiar voice of Kurt Hummel wafted from the speakers.
"Holy shit," David hissed, "Do you think Blaine's seen this?"
The two exchanged a glance before barreling down the hall into Blaine's room.
"Don't you two ever knock?" he looked exasperated as his two friends stormed over to his desk.
"Kurt's not here, right?"
"He's at home. Friday dinner, you know."
"Good," Wes grabbed Blaine's computer and quickly navigated to the Cheerio's YouTube channel. He pulled up the video they had just watched and full-screened it.
"Guys, what are you...oh." Blaine suddenly went wide-eyed and leaned into the screen.
"Blaine, you didn't tell us you were dating a cheerleader!" Wes grinned down at him smugly.
"I...I didn't know."
Blaine watched the remainder of the video without blinking, then looked up at his friends desperately.
"Are there more?" He asked, eyes wide.
David grinned and pulled up another one, of the Cheerios at Nationals last year. When Kurt opened his mouth and fluent French spilled out, Blaine's mouth dropped open and he moved so close his nose was practically pressed against the screen.
"Hey!" Wes exclaimed, "We haven't seen this one!"
The two pulled their friend from the screen and watched for fourteen straight minutes as Kurt sang and danced with the McKinley cheerleaders. He executed a series of rather extraordinary gymnastic feats. Blaine moaned something about flexibility, and fell back in his chair as Kurt ended with a back handspring and a note so low that Wes's eyebrows touched his hairline.
When the video ended, Blaine reached forward.
"Are there any more?"
Kurt returned on Sunday afternoon, and Blaine immediately dragged him to his room. Wes and David exchanged amused glances before heading out to the local coffeeshop, where a new indie band was performing a free concert. When they returned six hours later, they decided to retrieve Kurt and Blaine for dinner, because surely they were done with their "I haven't seen you in two whole days" reunion.
When they barged into Blaine's room, though, they were greeted with a sight that they really should've gotten used to by now. The two were pressed up against each other on Blaine's bed. But this time, Kurt was wearing a red-and-white cheerleading uniform, and his leg was kicked up over Blaine's shoulder.
"Oh my god!"
The pair covered their eyes and ran away, the door slamming behind them.
"We should really learn how to knock."
Regionals that year went pretty well. The Warblers had put on what may have been their best show yet. Vocal Adrenaline had been found to have broken several show-choir rules (turns out that intentionally failing students was actually illegal) and had been disqualified. New Directions, however, had placed first. The Warblers snagged second, with Aural Intensity in third. The group had celebrated, as they had never made it past Sectionals before. On the bus ride back, David led the group in a rousing rendition of "We Will Rock You". When the song ended, he bounced back to his seat next to Wes. Blaine and Kurt sat across from them, holding hands and glowing after their performance.
Eventually, most of the bus had nodded off. The ride back to Dalton was a good six hours, and after the initial adrenaline high wore off the group dozed off collectively.
Wes woke up when his phone vibrated with a text from Joey, who sat a few seats ahead. He groggily opened up the text, accidentally waking up David, who had fallen asleep on his shoulder.
Are Blaine and Kurt having sex?
Wes frowned down at the text, showing it to David. The two turned simultaneously to the left, where their two friends shared a seat.
"Blaine! Kurt! There are people around!"
David's scream effectively woke up all the sleeping Warblers, who turned around curiously as Kurt and Blaine dove apart, fumbling with their zippers.
"Sorry," the two muttered, blushing and shrinking down in their seats.
Wes glared at them before turning back to David.
"Is there like, a medicine that does the opposite of Viagra?"