A/N: alright yes, I know I've been slacking off on my other fictions, but I had a good reason. I'll get back to my normal routine soon, but for now this will have to do. This song was something I heard on the radio, and I was a blubbering idiot all the way home in the car when I was doing you fessed it, Christmas shopping. I just HAD to do a song fiction to this, and I though, who better than Makoto Kino for this song that made me turning into a crybaby... so, that said, lets get into the Christmas season the correct way, Remembering those less fortunate, and those memories that bring a tear too our eyes in happy, yet bitter sweet memories... after all, that too, is apart of Christmas.

There is likely no possible way to do this song justice, but I'm surely going to try. WARNING: It is a SAD song, so consider yourself warned properly. Please read and review.

Song: The Christmas Shoes.

By: Newsong.



I do not own Sailor Moon.

A cup of hot chocolate sat cooling on the end table decorated with a green table cloth. The owner was busy feeding the fire that kept her living room cozy warm. The bitter cold gave way to yet another thought filled night. There had once been a time when she had been used to that, and yet, tonight was different for her. She sighed as she stood, walking towards the window that overlooked the bustling streets below. There had been a day in yesteryear when she wouldn't be so warm. That even if she had all the heat in the world, she would still feel the icy touch of mourning. Today...it had been a special day, in more ways than one.

She shook her head, placing the last of her gifts under the table top tree that she had gotten at a discount store years ago. It was a sad little fake thing, a few branches here and there, only white lights and a few tiny bulbs to decorate it. Surely she could afford a real tree nowadays, but why go to the trouble of buying one? She never was interested in all of that crazy stuff. One point in her life there was a great delight in finding and bringing home a tree, back when there was a great many things to celebrate...now though? There wasn't much that she needed. A large kitchen, a warm bed, her makeshift family...that was all she needed. All she wanted anymore. It seemed silly how easily she forgot that...until today anyway.

It was almost Christmas time
There I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two
I'm really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously
Pacing around like little boys do
And in his hands he held
A pair of shoes

It had been an average cold day. The kind that just before a big event. A celebration of some kind. The streets littered with shoppers galore. A wonderful day. The sun had been bright, the weather although cold, didn't leave a bite in the air until the early evening. Smiles, laughter, window decorations lit in beauty calling the attention of anyone passing by. The traffic would build up throughout the streets, citizens shoulder to shoulder on the pavements, crosswalks, and trains. It was just a normal day if one looked past the extra cheer that often came around during this time of year. It was perhaps because of this average day that everyone would forget just how lucky they were...how gifted they could become.

Makoto had been one of those happy shoppers that day. In her hands were bags. Things she needed for the feast, a few extra paper rolls for wrapping gifts, and of course, the last of the gift shopping. She walked over taking a sip of that cooling drink on the end table shaking her head as she went back too her chores. Looking around the corner she could hear the shower running. Ami had come home from work early that night. A quiet dinner at home, a warm bath, curling up with a book...Ami's wishes were rather simple as well, and yet, the lover of one Kino Makoto could also forget just how easily you could get caught up in the excitement and throw away the real meaning of times like these...

A funny little thing to forget given the woman's profession.

Makoto's mind wandered as she finished her wrapping. The last one, the smallest box, containing a pair of earrings for Ami, could fit in the palm of her hand. The largest box, a new multicolored lamp for Hotaru, had to sit under the end table and took up a rather large amount of space. Setsuna would receive a new sewing table for the machine that Haruka and Michiru had been planing to give her. The couple in question had long wished for a vacation, and so, their gift was something everyone pitched in on. They could get a week away from the stresses of life...alone. Usagi had progressed from manga into actual books, her gift was a series of sappy romance novels from her favorite author. Rei was going to get a new piano and Minako's Christmas just wouldn't be complete without going to at least once concert. Tickets for two and she would surely be happy, especially if she dragged Rei along. Mamoru was still in America, but his gift was the princess herself, not that either one of them knew that little detail just yet. Still even with the assortment of well thought out gifts, it did very little to beat what Makoto had come across today.

And his clothes were worn and old
He was dirty from head to toe
And when it came his time to pay
I couldn't believe what I heard him say

He couldn't have been more than eight or nine...just a little boy. An old ratty shirt, jeans that had seen better days, a coat that was more for a cool spring day than the cold wind that today brought. He had a hat on, but the kitting had been done by an amateur. Hands rosy red, lips chapped and slightly blue, his nose a little stuffy, blue eyes only lightly puffy...that had been the boy. She had chuckled under her breath at his youthful attitude at first. He seemed worried and rushed, but at the time, she had attributed it to the fact that the line had been rather long. He bounced on his feet slightly trying to wait his turn, failing miserably at keeping calm. At the start, she had assumed that what he held was for a little girlfriend or something. A boy such as him wouldn't want was in that box, of that she had been sure.

She sat down on the floor, in front of the fire. She looked at it with a gaze that only Rei could have matched. It wasn't that she could read the fire, or even see things in it. But...she could remember. There was once a time that she too dreamed things that small children based their world on. Until she was forced out of the happy dreamlike state, almost frightfully so, she too had lived in childlike bliss. She had memories that seemed to come alive at the smell of baking cookies, a lit fireplace, or even the smell of a cigarette on cloth. Yet, before she had been forced to lose that innocence, she wondered if she would have acted the same way.

"You seem pretty pensive tonight." Ami's soft voice barely registered in the back of Makoto's mind. Green eyes found those of azure for a moment and then returned to the fire. The only thing Makoto had done was nod. Midnight blue hair became freed from the fluffy white towel that it had been hooded in, the damp rectangle of fabric draping around her shoulders. "Is something wrong?"

"No." Makoto's voice was also soft, but it was also thick with something neither of them could describe. "Nothing's really wrong exactly, more like..." She fumbled over her thoughts, unsure of how to best describe it. "I had an epiphany of sorts...if you want to call it that anyway."

Slow footfalls neared Makoto's sitting form as Ami joined her on the floor, pulling the taller girl closer to her. It may have seemed funny for outsiders looking inside of a frosted windowpane at one time, or even amongst their friends who would walk in at in opportune times, but there was just something about the way they sat together that make Makoto look far more docile. Not that the tall girl couldn't be, but she surely looked far more placid and relaxed when her body found rest in the arms of her much shorter lover. "Tell me." That had been all Ami said then.

"Well, I ran into this kid down at the mall today when I was picking up the book sets we ordered for Usagi. He was jumping around, hyper little guy, couldn't really be all that old. So, anyway, I'm standing in line, and I swear to you, we had to have been standing there for a good fifteen, twenty minuets before he got up to the register. Now, this kid puts one box on this counter, and a sock full of change and then looks at the clerk. Now, by this time I'm tired from shopping all day long, what with having to pick up Hotaru's custom lamp today as well. So I'm done with fighting crowds, and the last thing I wanted to deal with was another twenty minuets in line, so I kinda zoned out. I heard the kid talking, but I wasn't really paying much attention." Makoto played with her fingers a little bit, laughing lightly and bitterly at her lack of concern at first, she could have kicked herself over it later.

"This kid was buying a pair of heels. Red, sparkly heals. Simple, not overly flashy, but not a size for a little girl and that's when I heard it. I mean it Ami, a youma might as well have thrown me across busy street and into another phone booth. It still wouldn't have hit me as hard as what this kid said." When blue eyes started looking on in concern, Makoto just rolled her own and hit herself in the head with a palm for emphases as she sighed. "I'm not kidding hun, this kid really blew me away."

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus, tonight.

"What did he say?" Ami's fingers ran through windblown, tangled locks of auburn hair.
"It wasn't what he said...it was how he said it." Makoto clarified.
"Well, care to tell me what a little boy could possibly say that could make you think so hard about anything?" Ami laughed softly as she received a flick on the nose for that rebuke.

"Well, like I said, I hadn't really been paying much attention. The people behind me weren't happy though. Some of them were really getting restless. So, anyway, I fidgeted around, and caught a glimpse of what he was saying here and there. Shoes were for his mom, but at the time that was all that I had really tuned into. Something about her being sick, but I couldn't really hear since at that point some guy was being dragged out of the store for disturbing the peace. It answered my first question. That's all I cared about. You know me, I don't like prying into personal stuff like that, so I left it alone and focused my attention elsewhere.. He kept trying to rush the clerk, and counting all of those coins took ages." Makoto explained as she pointed at her hot chocolate. "Grab that for me will you?"

Ami did grab the now cold drink passing it along. "So, the little boy bought the shoes right? Not a big deal about that."
"More like we bought the shoes for him." Makoto sighed, her green eyes misting over slightly. "And don't give me that look, I had a valid reason."
"The boy's mother, correct?" Ami was still trying to latch onto what that would even have to do with shoes.
"More like the kid himself..." Makoto watched as Ami sipped from the mug before placing it on the floor beside them. "it's kinda...complicated."
"We have all the time we need, you've got my interest with your odd behavior, and now I'd like to know what happened." Ami was going to get this story even if she had to stay up all night to do it.

"Right." Makoto nodded. "So, I'm all zoned out and my legs are sore. The guy got kicked out and then things quieted down." Makoto started slowly...

They counted pennies for what seem like years
And cashier says son there's not enough here
He searches his pockets frantically
And he turned and he looked at me
And he said Momma made Christmas good at our house
Most years she just did without
Tell me Sir
What am I gonna do?
Some how I've got to buy her these Christmas shoes

"So this kid bumps into to me and I look down, and he's looking everywhere for cash. His pocket, his hat, his shoes, I mean everywhere. Now, I look at the register, and there is no way that this kid has that kind of money. You should have seen him. He was freaking out. His eyes got all watery and he started begging the store clerk for these things. It was then that I actually paid attention. Apparently, his mom was sick, I mean really sick. I don't know what she had, he never said that, but what ever it was he was very sure that she didn't really have much time left. The store clerk took it as a sob story, I'm sure that most people would...its not every day you run into a kid like that."

"You mean a kid like you." Ami's eyes softened at that. "You aren't fooling anyone, Kino Makoto, I know you better than that by now." She tightened her hold on the taller girl only slightly. "You didn't take his story as a lie did you? No...you're the last person who would have."

"Kids, especially little boys, don't cry like that unless it's the gods honest truth Ami. There wasn't any way he could have lied. You don't look like that when your lying about something so heartbreaking. I lived with that look for years, there isn't any possible way you could pull that off randomly, nor would even want to know how to look like that in the first place. There's a level of...I want to call it hopelessness, that sinks into you when you lose a parent, and the thing is, that's the aftermath. I can't even begin to tell you what it would be like having to know it's going to happen and be powerless to stop it. This kid had that look, and I swear on my very life, there is no way in hell I could have lived with myself afterwords if I hadn't done something. So, after feeling like I was having my heart ripped out of me for the second time in my life I had to do something."

So I laid the money down
I just had to help him out
And I'll never forget
The look on his face
When he said Momma's gonna look so great.

"And you know, the entire thing out of all of this, is that's just a little token gesture. It's like, sorry kid, can't save your mom, so at least make her happy..." Makoto's sulking at the moment was covering up the fact that if she had her way about it, she'd be in huddled in a corner crying her own eyes out for the boy. Ami could see the sparkle of tears that occasionally threaten to fall. "What is that, a consolation prize? It's not even that, because in the end of everything what are those shoes going to do? What are they other than a few pretty sparkles on top of colored leather. They aren't magic, his mom isn't going to come back from some magical place..."

"That may be true, but I think he knows that already." Ami answered softly. "That's why he wants to make her happy now, while he still has the chance to do it. I don't think it will hit him as hard as it did you. You didn't have warnings, or final goodbyes. He will, and I think that his gift for her was part of that."

Sir I wanna buy these shoes, for my Momma please
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size
Could you hurry Sir?
Daddy says there's not much time
You see, she's been sick for quite a while
And I know these shoes will make her smile
And I want her to look beautiful,
If Momma meets Jesus tonight.

"Still, those stupid words have been in my head all night, and they will be for a long time I bet. Everything he said, it just won't leave my mind. I mean, yeah, he seems as fine as one could expect him to be about it now, but...what about later? What then huh? When you feel like no one understands you. When you crumple down in a corner at school, and even two or three years later, no one gets just how painful it's still is, or how raw the memories you have are. Yeah, they're good, but they sting. It may dull, but Ami, it leaves scars. Deep, slowly healing scars, and no one ever really gets it because it's different for everyone. I'd never be able to understand him, and he'd never get me at all."

"I sense a contradiction someplace in that head of yours." Ami spoke carefully as Makoto seemed to pause deep in thought.
"That's because I feel like shoving my foot in my mouth!" Makoto shot back. "Think about it, really...think about it."
"Makoto, honey, I am." Ami spoke softly.

"That kid..." Makoto started slowly. "I don't think I ever really did that..."

I knew I caught a glimpse of heavens love as he thanked me and ran out.

"He ran back home to see her quickly. I know that. He about zoomed off after he got the box back inside of a plastic bag."

I know that God had sent that little boy to remind me.

"He was so grateful, but I don't think he'll even have time to wrap them. I never got that with my parents. I mean for us Christmas, well, what I remember of it anyway, was just us this small tree, and a few gifts from the discount store down the street from our old house. Dad wasn't a rich guy, and mom was always home with me, so I can kinda relate to this kid like that."

What Christmas is all about.

"He didn't look like he had much. We never did either."

Sir I wanna buy these shoes for my Momma please

"But in other ways...he and I, we're nothing alike."

It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size

"I know he couldn't afford them, but it was the thought that mattered...it was his wish. He wanted his mom to be happy. He was thinking of her above all else."

Could you hurry Sir? Daddy says there's not much time.

"Even if it is one of the last times he might ever see her, it was the fact that he wanted too."

You see she's been sick for quite a while. And I know these shoes will make her smile.

"I couldn't ever do that. I'd never have been able to do that."

And I want her to look beautiful. If Momma meets Jesus tonight.

"It was as if he was giving her his blessing...his approval...that he would be alright, and she could just let go...that he could too."

"Makoto..." Ami started, but then stopped...what could she say in a time like this? Nothing that wouldn't come off as idiotic in the end of everything. Silence was her strongest suit in times like this.

I want her to look beautiful.
If Momma meets Jesus tonight.

"I just wonder if I ever made my parents happy like that." Makoto sighed closing her eyes, a stray tear falling from her cheek. She simply couldn't fight them off any more.

"I'm sure you did Makoto..." Ami's answer as sure as the moon in the sky's night as it shone with clarity overhead. "In other ways, I know you have, and likely someplace, you still do."


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