A/N: I wanted to do this, so here it is. An outer Senshi household fiction. I don't really know why I did this, but I hope you like it. Please read and review.
I do not own Sailor Moon.
Setsuna-Mama: The Darkest Mother, or, The Kindred Spirit?
You know, it's funny. I live in a household that isn't exactly normal compared to others my own age, or even my friends. In saying that, only one of us fit the normal ideal of what a family is, and that would be Usagi. With that in mind, the family I have isn't all that bad...well, that is if you count the fact I have three parents...ok, three patents who are all female...ok, ok, and two of them are flaming lesbians although there is one who seems is questionable...ALRIGHT! I may have forgotten to mention that they are Sailor Senshi like me...and I'll admit that my family isn't normal. Yeah, no duh, we passed weird, insane, impossible and down right idiotic a long time ago...but, it's all I have.
Ok, so my idea of what a family is remains far different from everyone else, but for some odd reason it just works. You need to figure that alone none of these women are fit to be parents, but together it fits in a way that you'd least expect. If they were single parents, then I can guarantee it would be a failed attempt. All of these women who are my mothers by official definition seem to make a very...what's the word...ideal...yes that's it...ideal atmosphere when they are all under one roof. Keeping in mind I said ideal and not perfect, perhaps I should introduce one of the women in question.
She's sipping coffee at the table having stayed up all night. Her glance tells me she knows all about this morning. That it is her job and she does it well. Now, Setsuna-mama isn't the nicest person in the world, however she's not exactly the meanest in the household. Her job isn't a breadwinner, but, I guess you could say that being Sailor Pluto, the guardian of time, space, the gates, and being a part time mother to me is a full time job in and of itself. My breakfast is already made sitting for me at the table nice and hot, just how I like it.
The eggs are fresh, the rice is tender, and my morning glass of juice has been replaced with a warm mug of hot chocolate. This tells me that that she took extra care to note the events of the day...something stressful is going to happen at school, I just know it. Rarely do I drink chocolate for breakfast. It just isn't normally allowed when someone else makes food. However, seeing as she's the only one up, I can assume something will end up going awry. I bet nobody knows just how much she abuses her powers in this type of fashion, but that's her dirty little secret.
...I wonder if it's another youma attack, or a growth spurt that will force me to leave the school and friends I knew behind...perhaps this is in a way a last supper...she knows I'm paranoid that I may end up dead for doing something stupid, I mean, it wouldn't be the first time I've died or had a near death accident. She sees my eyes grow dark as I think of not so pleasant realities, and that is all I know how to do when I first wake up. There could be an obscure message, but I may be missing it.
"Locker, noon, third shelf between you're gym clothes and you're school bag." Her words are cryptic at best but I nod fully understanding. I figured she wouldn't go into detail. She can't and that's a flaw she hates. She can see and prepare for things all she wants, but at the end of the day she can't actually say anything. She would if she could and has done so before, so although today isn't chained with fate, she isn't at liberty to say what will happen, only that she's prepared for it.
"Thank you." Setsuna-mama and I have one thing in common. We are women of very few words. I grew up a little chatter bug filled with hyperactivity, however, dying a few times, knowing how it happened and why, tends to make a person, well, closeted at best. "Where is everyone else?" I think I already know, but I can't be to careful.
"Sleeping." Her answer is basic but the annoyance in her voice tells me one thing that I really didn't want to know.
"Did they keep you up all night again?" I'm a teenage girl, so yes, I know what the two of them were doing, and no, it doesn't bug me.
"That's putting it mildly." The look in her eyes tells me that she probably went to the gates to sleep. It's quiet there and she does that a lot.
"You'd think they'd take a break every now and then. They're like jackrabbits in heat." Setsuna-mama sighs and agrees quietly.
I am the Senshi of death, destruction, and rebirth. Life, the creation of life, the understanding of the flow of life into death, the afterlife, and the eventual rebirth are all things I know about in grim detail. Two people having sex doesn't phase me, nor does it matter that I have a vast knowledge of the things that I do. Breaking down and recreating things are all part of nature, and within this basic fact there are a slew of other laws that derive from these facts. For example, natural selection and procreation are a few of these laws. Thus, I tend to think I know about cycles of life and birth more than anyone else...in that, it would also make sense that I understand such acts in a deeper manner than most, even if I don't personally act on them.
Some of them, like the before mentioned procreation, have loopholes or reverse logic, like the male seahorse for prime example...
In any case, as you can see, being a Senshi at all is a very emotional job. Even for people like Setsuna-mama and myself, it is a very taxing situation to have to deal with day in and day out. There are a lot of truths to the job, and knowing about all aspects of life and eventual death is my intended task. Causing a rebirth is not the only thing my existence grants, although, it is the most well known and feared part of the job. I guess some people see me as a cold person, but I'm not. I'm just far more serous than I used to be.
I think that it could be because now I understand my role as a Senshi a little better than before. I'm not a mean spirited person, I just...I know now all of the things I hadn't fully understood as a child. It's easy to become cynical, but I try not to be. I'm just different, a lot like Setsuna-mama. We can't say things sometimes, and others we just...we don't mean to be the way we are. We just don't know any other way to be. In our own way, yeah, I guess I'm a dark thinker...I can't stop it, or help it. Still, it doesn't mean I'm constantly depressed or unhappy. Setsuna-mama isn't that way either, although everyone claims she looks like it.
I finish breakfast in relative silence and head back to my room to dress for school. The door creaks quietly as I take in the glow of about six different lamps that are glowing in a matter fitting for their state. They are black-lit lamps that I sleep with. I'm a Senshi who can fight off evil beings, get killed, become reborn, and even if I do all this unflinchingly, I fear the dark. Yes, laugh at me all you want, big bad Sailor Senshi who welcomes death with a head on defiance is afraid of a little thing that can't hurt them.
You deal with what I've had to deal with and bogymen become a very real fear. Not in the fact that they exist, but more in the fact that what I can't see can hurt me. What I don't know about could possibly be my demise. The things and people I trust may do something in my worst interest merely because they felt as if they hadn't any other option. Being dead in a dark scary place one forgets things like light and warmth, so I fear not having these simple comforts given to me while I'm among the land of the living.
Childish though it may be, my fingers trace one of the many lamps in my room. To reach out and feel is a sense that many use when they cannot see, and for me that is a trait I fall back on most of all. To touch things is my way of testing my surroundings and is also a comfort to me. If I can feel, I know I have a body. More than that though, because of the life I have both lost and regained, to have feeling lets me know I have a reason for being and a purpose. Even if I see it, it may not be real. If I feel it, then in my eyes it's form is real, even if the intent behind the object or person is not. Confusing I know, but call it an eccentricity.
My clothing is simple. I'm not a fan of skirts so I get to wear the boys' uniform. I would wear the skirt if I didn't feel, well, exposed. I mean, well, the best way I can explain it is that I want to keep my Senshi life and my human life as far away from each other as possible. It's a coping mechanism. One way I do this is take on a more tomboyish nature when it comes to clothing. No...not like Papa...more like, Makoto, or to a lesser degree, Rei. For me its a way to remember that I'm not only what my job states. Simply put, I don't put on skirts, or dresses. You'd be amazed the amount of clothing I have. Even if the patterns are dark like blues, blacks, reds, and deep grays doesn't mean they are scary colors. I have some greens and a few pink shirts too...I just don't wear them often. It doesn't mean I dislike girly clothing, I just...I have different tastes that seem to be my first choice when selecting what to put on.
Anyway, I dress and ready for school. Then I walk down the steps knowing that by this time, Setsuna-mama is in the car waiting for me. I grab my school bag and the lunch money sitting on the counter and off I go, throwing on my shoes as I head out the door. The drive to school is a rather quiet drive, mainly because I'm blasting music and Setsuna-mama isn't the most confident driver in the world. She needs focus, she can do it with music, but not very well in conversation. She drops me off and then goes about her day.
That's what she does. The gates call to her, so she just parks the car, each and every day, goes to the gates and then comes home. It seems like she works a full eight hour day just to keep watch, and for some odd reason, it makes sense. You see, she was told to watch and protect the gates, and does that task even now. That is her main job and main priority. Anyway, I hit up the first three classes of mine and notice that everything as it should be, what ever bad thing will happen doesn't happen yet, although, the lunch bell hasn't run and I've yet to go to my math class that I hate with a passion. The day progresses, and I notice that nothing bad happened at all, and partly I wonder what cosmic crap shoot will come barreling out of the next wall I turn past.
School ends, and nothing happened. I go to my locker to figure out why the tip if I saw no real reason for the tip in the first place. Instead I see a note. That's what she was talking about. 'Sorry kiddo, I have to change things up every now and then. Keep quiet about the cheating during breakfast or Michiru will kill me. Oh, and just say you bombed the quiz in science, you'll thank me later.' That was all it said and I laugh as I get the basic idea. If we could predict her actions, we could also predict fate to a degree. The bad thing she was talking about wasn't the note, but rather the test I will likely have to make up later in the week, the note was pertaining to the note I would find now...
I go out to the car and there she is waiting for me. "Nice warning there. I thought a youma was going to cause a riot."
She nodded, I think she knew well of my fears. "Fate dislikes when I am fully predictable. I had to do something to appease it."
I groan out in aggravation. "Yeah, but did you need to make me think I was toast! You could have said I was going to have a hard class or something."
"I could give you no hint Hotaru, surely you knew that." Her tone was matter of fact.
"Yes I knew that." I nod dumbly as she drives, clutching the stick shift. "It doesn't mean I have to like it though."
"There are many facts of life you dislike, however some of these things aren't able to be amended. You must make due." She's in the lecturing tone.
"Fine, but next time you try to butter me up with breakfast before giving me a near heart attack don't blame me for getting annoyed." I am rather angry, I know she doesn't blame me. I bet she's angry at herself too.
"I knew it was a failed endeavor, however I thought I might as well try." Her smirk says more than she lets on. She was expecting something worse.
Sneaky little time mage isn't she? Still, she's my Setsuna-mama. You know, at first I think a lot of people see her as a lonely woman or someone so consumed with her tasks and goals that she fails to see the bigger picture, but I don't think that's true. Setsuna-mama raised me well enough by being the aloof and unspoken person she is. She's not the most sympathetic person in the world, and she doesn't always understand things, she's kind of strict and sometimes she doesn't speak in the nicest of ways...
but, beyond all of that, if you look at her, not the mage she has to be, but the mother she actually is then you'd see the real truth. She's the woman who gives the unspoken moral support, and sometimes that's what I need most. Clearly, I failed the science quiz today, but she already knew that, so I'm not in any major trouble. She often has to hide behind fake ideals or possible futures, but in the end, she does what she feels is best, and even if she's not always home, I think that she may be the one who looks after me the most, even if she doesn't always act like it outwardly.
Some would call it abusive, and as a single parent, she would be much like Ami's mom. Almost always gone, and not around enough to really get to know her...but I think that's why she has her strengths in areas that benefit herself and the family we live in. Just because she isn't here doesn't mean she doesn't care, she's just the one who's working around the clock to get things done. There isn't any harm in that, although, if I didn't have other people in my life I'm sure I would view it differently.
Her nature is that of a mage, that of ageless time who has seen war, famine, anger, death, and many things that no one should have to see, but really, am I any different? Have I not also suffered by the hands of ideals and what fate wanted everyone else to do? Our nature are the dark, seemingly pessimistic Senshi, but our hearts are that of life, and love. We have hopes and dreams, and really...isn't that enough?
I think it is...and all in all, that's what counts.
Let me know what you think. Do you want me to leave it as it is, or turn it into a three shot looking at Haruka and Michiru as well? Majority vote rules on this one since I could be happy either way.