Kim and Daniel are walking down the hallway. Daniel is upset because he has no money. They're meeting up with the other freaks later.
Kim, get off my coattails, all right?
Okay! I'm just saying, the reason you have no money is because you spent it all on drugs! Stop smoking pot, and you wouldn't have this problem! Stop complaining like a five year old!
Listen, nutcase. I don't need you lecturing me on money! Didn't your mom blow her rent money on a $300 bottle of wine?
Kim, looking hurt and about to cry
Screw you, Daniel. (Runs away in tears)
Fade out. Theme song
The geeks are the cafeteria. They're talking about the dance in five days.
So fellas, are we going to the dance stag?
Judith said if I didn't ask her to the dance, she was going to ask out my younger brother, Marris.
My parents wanted us to have rhyming names, but nothing rhymes with Harris.
I'm going ask out the new girl, Linda Danes.
Linda? She's gorgeous, smart, and sweet. You don't stand a chance. (jokingly) I'm aiming a person less likely to dump me.
Who would that be? Cross-eyed Cathy?
As a matter of fact, I'm going to ask Jenny Williams.
How on earth is she below you? She's a cheerleader.
Neal (with a big smile on his face)
Yes, but she's at the bottom of the pyramid.
You have a seriously over inflated ego.
The freaks are near the bleachers, without Daniel. They're also talking about the dance.
Did you hear about the stupid Valentine's Day dance thing at the end of the week?
My parents said I have to go. They say it's good for my "self esteem", (air quotes) but they really just wanna get me outta the house. Plus, Amy wants to go.
Kim (looking disappointed)
I was gonna go with Daniel, but he called my mother an irresponsible alcoholic.
That doesn't seem like him at all.
Kim (looking embarrassed)
Well, he didn't say it outright. But after I told him off for spending all his money on weed… (Nick and Ken looking ashamed) he mentioned the fact that my mom once spent all our money (she winces)
Well, you were kinda being a bitch. Besides, you call your mother a witchy old druggie all the time.
That is so not the point!
By the way, where is Daniel?
Daniel is at a grocery store. He walks up to the general manager. He is old and fat, with a southern accent.
Helllooooo? Anyone here?
How d'ya do there, son?
I need some money.
What… does this have to do with … me?
I need a job. (pleadingly)
Well, an extra set of hands never hurts. How does bag boy sound, how about 5.50 an hour?
That would be… good. Thanks man.
You're welcome, "man."
In between classes. Lindsay and Nick are talking.
Linds, I have a question for you.
Lindsay (stops walking)
Nick (hemming and hawing)
I was wondering if maybe… you would... like to..
Spit out, Nick.
Nick (really quickly)
Ahhh, you know we're broken up, right?
I know, but my parents don't and they really liked you, so if told them we went to the dance…(trailing off)
Oh, well then (brightening), sure!
See ya tomorrow.
Sam is going to ask out Linda, and Neal is going to ask Jenny out.
Oh, hi Sean.
My name is Sam.
Oh, I'm so sorry!
It's okay. Listen I was wondering… Do you want to go to the dance with me?
Linda (considering it)
You know what, I would love to go with you.
I'll pick you up at seven.
Showtime. (calling across the hallway) Hey, Jenny!
Jenny (snapping gum)
I can see why you're the bottom of the pyramid.
Nothing. I was wondering if you would want to go to the dance with me on Friday.
Will you pay?
Sure, I'll go, Nat.
I'll pick you up at seven. By the way, my name is Neal.
Lindsay and Amy are trying on dresses and Kim is giving advice. Ken, and Nick are trying on suits, and at a different department store, so are Sam and Neal.
Amy (in the dressing room)
I'm so excited that Ken is taking me. I know he's not too excited, but I'm jumping out of my skin. (comes out of dressing room) What do you think? (tries on a knee length, dark blue dress)
Lindsay and Kim (in unison)
Okay, Lindsay, try on your dress.
I wish I could go with a guy who's taking me for a reason besides parental approval.
You believed that lousy excuse? He's still totally into you.
(sighs) I wish Daniel wasn't such a jerk.
Into the men's dressing room. Ken and Nick are talking
about the dance.
I can't believe Lindsay fell for that "my-parents-made-me-do-it" crap.
It's not crap. My parents LOVED Lindsay. They said she was sweet and smart, and maybe her sweetness and smartness would rub onto me… (dazing off)
Earth to Andopolis. You gotta focus. Does this suit even fit me?
Entering Sam and Neal's dressing room.
I'm really excited about taking Linda to the dance.
I'm not. My date's evil.
Then, why are you going with her?
'cause she's hot! Are you stupid, Sam! (tries on a smoking jacket) What you think of this. I was going for handsome, dashing Jew.
You listen to your brother way too much. Besides, you look more like Hugh Hefner than anything else.
The Weir House. Lindsay and Sam are getting ready. Jean is maniacally taking pictures, and Harold is laying down the ground rules.
…. And no drinking, and no drugs, be home by eleven, and no hotel rooms, especially you, Lindsay.
Dad, I'm not gonna have sex with Nick
(yelps) That what they all say. Until that one sappy Led Balloon…
Whatever… song comes on the radio….. ( trailing off)
Dad, do you know this from experience?
Doesn't matter how I know it.
(doorbell rings)Nick comes in with a corsage. He is wearing a tux and looks excited.
Hey, Lindsay. Ready to go?
Wait! I have to take one more picture! You two are just so cute.
What? I'm a mother, I can't help it.
Nick and Lindsay leave the Weir house. Sam goes to pick up Linda. Neal goes to pick up Jenny.
Sam rings the doorbell
You look gorgeous.
Thank you Sam. You're so sweet.
Meanwhile, Neal's mom drops him off at Linda's house. Her house is huge. Neal is mad because he hates Jenny.
Wow! Who's your date, Stella McCartney?
I wish. Can I get out, please?
Okay, okay, ladies man. Can you give your mom a kiss?
Fine (kisses her)
He rings the doorbell. Jenny answers the door, snapping gum, looking annoyed.
Oh, it's you. You bring tha cash?
Yeah, I did. You look beautiful.
I know. Let's blow this pop stand. I have to home by ten.
Fade out. Everyone is at the school dance. The DJ is playing "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA. Ken and Amy are in the corner, making out. Lindsay and Nick walk in.
Daniel and Kim are not there.
Nick (trying to make chit-chat)
Soooo… this is nice.
Ken (yelling over the music)
THIS DJ SUCKS! WHO THE HELL TOLD HIM THAT ABBA WAS COOL! HOW"S YOUR NON-DATING EX?
SHUT UP, MAN!
You wanna leave?
Like, leave to go where?
Just outside the school.
I'd love that.
Sam is at the punch bowl with Linda.
I can't believe it! You're the only girl I know that likes Animal House.
Are you joking? John Belushi was comical genius in that movie! My favorite scene is the exploding zit.
If you've seen that, then you've gotta see The Jerk.
What's that about?
It's about this guy, who was raised in Mississippi, and….
Please kiss me.
They kiss. Neal is slow dancing with Jenny.
You're not holding me right, midget.
How am I supposed to hold you?
I don't know, but different, dwarf!
I am not a midget! I'm just short!
Coulda fooled me, nerd!
You know what? You're a jerk, and I'm dumping you right NOW!
You can't dump me, hobbit. I'm a cheerleader!
Yes I can! And you're at the bottom of the pyramid!
Jenny gasps and whines. Neal storms out. Fade out.
Nick and Lindsay are walking down the street, and they're talking.
By the way, I threw out my secret pot stash.
Really? Nick, that's awesome! I've telling you to stop for months!
I got sick of being in this haze, you know? It's like I couldn't think or enjoy anything.
I'm so proud of you. I knew you could do it!
The reason I'm mentioning this is because I couldn't do it without you. This might come as a surprise, but I only dated Sara to make you jealous.
Nick, I bet the President of the United States knew that.
Was it that obvious?
Ah, yeah. Don't worry, it was really adorable.
I'm glad you think so.
They start to kiss. Fade out.
Kim is sitting in her room, doing her homework. She hears a knock on her window. It's Daniel. He has a corsage, a prom dress, a record, and cans of Pepsi.
How do you afford this?
I got a job as a bag boy.
She changes into the prom dress. He puts on the record. It's Jealous Guy by John Lennon. They start slow dancing in her bedroom,
Kim? What are you doing? If you're not studying, you're gonna flunk end up a loser like your father.
Fade out. End credits.