Title: Teenage Dream (1/?)
Series: FE9 AU~
Character/Pairing: Ike/Soren eventual, Tibarn/Reyson, Kyza/Ranulf/Lyre triangleish, Boyd/Mist, Tormod/Sothe, Pelleas/Micaiah, etc.
Rating: PG-13
Author's note: For Ammy, in the most recent FE_exchange as an extra. I mean, what else could I get with a prompt that used Teenage Dream by Darren Criss? Though technically, she's been encouraging the Glee/FE thing I was doing for ages.

.

Ike didn't usually hang out with the Dalton crowd. They had trust funds, he barely made ends meet. They had suits and shiny shoes and he had ripped jeans and dirty sneakers. It just so happened that he was going that way that day, because Ike was manly enough to get 'girly things' for his sister at out of the way stores without even a flinch. Ranulf was in awe of him for things like that. Something about 'unparalleled awesome' or other. It just so happened that was where he was headed, with chocolate and 'girly things' on a mental list of things to get unless he wanted things thrown at him, when he caught sight of a short boy was being shoved into a fence. The guy wasn't even a Dalton guy either, but one that Ike butted heads with on a pretty regular basis.

"Cough it up, Ice Prince," the guy said. The so-called Ice Prince glared at him, lifting his chin defiantly. His head almost came up to the guy's thick chest.

"No," the boy said. "Now unhand me, you neanderthal."

"Jarod, let him go," Ike said.

Jarod looked back. "Mind your own business, heroboy," he muttered. He hadn't taken his hands off the Dalton boy, so Ike helped him with that by yanking on his shoulder.

"I said step off," Ike said. "In case you didn't hear me the first time."

"I heard you," Jarod said. "What are you going to do if I don't, huh?"

For a moment they faced each other down. Jarod made many a nerd quiver, but Ike wasn't even remotely a nerd. A's were a mythical thing he assumed only existed in fairy tales – even meeting real valedictorians couldn't shake that belief. Ike had an intense look which had many a person step down in whatever slushee-involved things they were going to do. Ranulf was always riffing him on this, but it was actually his default look.

Jarod wasn't a wimp either. He looked appraisingly at the boy, then back to Ike. Whatever his decision, it wasn't to fight now. He stepped back, giving the boy one last look.

"I know where you live," Jarod said. "I can get that money anytime I want."

He snapped, his teeth clicking as he gave his best crazy I will end you expression.

The boy crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "Is that all? I've seen better. Your threats and homicidal expressions could use serious work."

Ike had stepped up beside him, ready to put a hand in front of him, just in case. Ike had to give it to the guy, he had guts.

"You can come out now, Pelleas," the boy said. A rumbled boy with wavy dark blue hair and a Dalton uniform came out from behind the trees. He brushed the leaves from his hair and looked up, a bit pitifully.

"I still think we could've worked together, Soren," Pelleas said. "Two against one."

Soren rolled his eyes. "Really, Pelleas? I can't believe I didn't think of it myself. I'm sure quantity would trump physical mass."

"You could've distracted him...I could've tackled him..." Pelleas began.

"Yes, and I'm sure this would bring about a fine career in professional football for you. Honestly, Pelleas, if we could've taken him down, father wouldn't have disowned us."

"True..." Pelleas admitted.

"Your muse and her ideas of 'positive thinking' are flawed," Soren said. "Here's hoping next time she'll be the one to save you. Possibly with the power of her mind, all things considered."

Pelleas' shoulders slumped.

Now that Jarod was gone, he could get a good look at Soren. His hair was long and dark, pulled back into a ponytail. His eyes were pure red, narrowed in a cynical manner, as if he only saw the worst in people. He was slight with a small bone structure and angular features. Pelleas looked downright large and gawky beside him. In fact, had he not been in a uniform, and been referred to as a 'prince', Ike might've mistaken him for a girl at that distance.

Ike cleared his throat. "You want me to walk you guys home?" Ike asked.

"Uh—" Pelleas said, giving Ike an awkward, deer-in-the-headlights look, as if he had just that moment realized he was there.

"No," Soren said. "We can make it on our own. Thank you for your...assistance."

"No problem," Ike said.

They started down the path, and Ike walked too, because it was on his way, and Ike wasn't about to cross the street to give them space when it was on his way. About five minutes later, Soren turned and narrowed his eyes at Ike.

"While I appreciate your persistence, I remind you that we no longer need your assistance," Soren said coldly.

"It's on my way," Ike said.

"Nice to know, but I still don't need a knight-in-shining-armor," Soren said.

"No, I mean I'm going to a convenience store up here."

"Oh," Soren said. He didn't say anything else, but turned on his heel, his long black hair tossed up in the heat of the moment and the – what would he call it, a flounce? For a moment Ike was fascinated by this 'Soren', who could stare down bullies and helpers alike, and set world records in rudeness.

Then he remembered mundane things, like that his sister would throw things at him if he forgot her girly stuff, and that the game was on tonight. He walked on home, with thoughts of Soren only faint in the back of his mind.

.

Ike breathed on his hands as he made his way out the door, groggy with a bagel in his mouth which was the closest thing he'd get to breakfast until he could snag something from one of the fast food places on the way. Ike was not a morning person, in the least. Mist was perky and clad in a bright yellow sundress, holding hands with Boyd as she was practically skipping along. She'd already had two cups of tea, and breakfast, and had enough time to style her hair. She never bothered with makeup after a nice young lady with silver hair handed out flyers pointing out that it was cruelly tested on animals.

Ranulf would always join them eventually, and by the time Ike had snarfed down his bagel, Ranulf was chatting away with Boyd. Ike started humming to himself at first. He thought of black hair, a defiant gaze. Without even realizing it, he started singing as he walked in his husky baritone.

"Yeah you, got that something, I think you'll understand. When I say that something, I wanna hold your hand."

"Whoa, whoa. Wait up! You're in love!" Ranulf crowed.

"What?" Ike said.

"You're spontaneously singing a love song! A classic one I might add. Nice choice. Put it up."

Ike lifted his hand, made a fist and returned the brofist in the most confused manner.

"Didn't you read the sign on the wall in front of the classroom?" Ike said.

"Surgeon General's Warning: 'Joining The Glee Club may cause you to spontaneously burst into song, and get slushees thrown into your face'," Ranulf recited. "You do know that I'm the one who put it up, right?"

"Figured so," Ike said.

"I know, right? Totally smacks of my brilliance," Ranulf said.

Ike hadn't in fact, had much of an issue with slushees being thrown in his face. One brave soul, a fellow football member had thrown one in his face, and had gotten bones broken in the process. To be fair, Ike's eyes had been burning from the slushee attack and he couldn't see at the time. He hadn't meant to push him that hard into the lockers, hard enough to crack ribs and break his left arm, thus keeping the would-be bully off the lineup for more than a month.

After that, any bullies kept away from Ike, or anyone Ike felt protective about, which was pretty much everyone. People began to coordinate their schedules so they could nonchalantly follow after Ike like a very large game of conga that happened to contain most of the slushee victims of the school.

"So there's no one at all, really?" Ranulf pressed.

"Nope," Ike said.

Kyza and Lyre had fought to carry Ranulf's books, but Kyza had won because he was built like a Mack truck even if Lyre could scratch like a pro, she just couldn't compete with someone who could pick her up and hold her at a distance while she shrieked and yowled to be put down. So it was Kyza who carried Ranulf's books, doing what was best described as a 'strut'. Lyre hung back with Ike's eternal conga-line of geeks who sought the protection of his broad shoulders from the threat of slushees or swirlies.

"I'm watching you, man," Ranulf said. "The first hint of a crush, and we're going on double dates before you even know it. I'll be giving you advice – man, it's going to be awesome," Ranulf said.

"I call dibs on dating Ranulf!" Lyre cried.

"No fair, I saw him first!" Kyza said. "I work harder than you. The closest you get to studying is stealing my notes, which I painstakingly took."

"You're no fun," Lyre said, sticking out her tongue. "Also I have boobs. Boobs always win."

"She does make a persuasive argument," Ranulf said with a grin.

Kyza looked indignant.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding, my man," Ranulf said, and patted Kyza on the shoulder.

Lyre looked indignant.

"Uh, you guys can both come?" Ranulf ammended.

They looked somewhat mollified by this.

"Somehow I'm not surprised that any double date would turn into a bloodbath," Ike said.

"Hey, hey, now. Any double date with me would turn into like something like The Hangover – except like, more awesome," Ranulf said. "Get it straight man. Or not."

Ike laughed.

.

Reyson sat in his office, sipping at his breakfast of a berry and nut shake. It was agreed that for the sake of their relationship, he would eat his vegan, green, Earth-friendly shake and he would eat his Suffering Of Animals Burger apart, and neither would comment on the 'unmanly veganness' or 'slaughtering of their animal friends' afterwards.

His meal was interrupted by an apology, as another lost soul came to sit before him and seek guidance.

"What seems to be the problem?" Reyson asked.

"I get slushees thrown in my face," confessed Rhys. He looked on the verge of breaking down.

"...You're the school nurse," Reyson said.

"My past of getting thrown in dumpsters has come to haunt me," Rhys said sadly. "I just have a face that attracts slushees like it has a gravitational field."

Reyson folded his hands and regarded Rhys. "I think the best course of action is to punch them in the face."

"What?" Rhys said, looking confused. "You want me to resort to physical violence?"

"Or get your boyfriend to do it. That's another option," Reyson said.

"I...I don't have a boyfriend," Rhys said.

"Well there's a place to start," Reyson said. "Get a buff one, or one especially proficient in martial arts." He then returned to the shake, dismissing Rhys with a regal flip of his hand. Rhys left, looking just as confused as he had before. Another problem fixed, Reyson thought.

Tibarn made his way in, smiling at Rhys as he did. Reyson narrowed his eyes and make a mental note to visit the nurse's office and inform him that he wasn't going to share Tibarn, and that he'd have to find his own damn boyfriend.

"What is this I hear about punching people in the face?"

"I can never hide anything around you, can I?" Reyson said.

"Not with Ulki as my helper, you can't," Tibarn said.

"I love it when you're violent," Tibarn said. He reached out to touch Reyson's long, flowing blond hair. He twirled a lock around one of his fingers and lifted it to his mouth in a kiss.

"I wouldn't want you getting fired, however," he noted.

"Please," Reyson scoffed. "With Oliver as the principal, I could start taking hits out on troublesome children and he'd still sing my praises."

Tibarn smiled. "You know, there's a janitor's closet which should be unoccupied about now."

"Aren't you the romantic one?" Reyson said dryly.

"I try my best," Tibarn said.

.

The Glee club lounged around, waiting for their teacher. Ranulf was relating an anecdote, gesturing with his hands often as he stood on one of the folding chairs. He had borrowed one of Kyza's glittery tank tops with 69 on it, which was so big it almost covered up his cut-off jeans. Ike was in faded, ripped jeans and his favorite team's shirt, and was half paying attention, while Boyd and Mist held hands, thankful for the distraction of her ever overprotective older brother. Heather was braiding Nephenee's hair, using every possible chance to touch her, and there were quite a few. Nephenee, for her part, looked up, flustered at the attention. Heather had on many gold bangles, and a purple tube top, which was currently pushed to Nephenee's back Elincia sat regally in the middle, her gaze occasionally working back towards Ike. Geoffrey was on one side, Lucia on the other. They wore matching white suits, and looked like her personal bodyguards. Sothe was wearing a green corset, considerable amount of guyliner and mesh detachable sleeves, and black nailpolish. He was ignoring everyone with his mp3 player blasting screamo emo songs. Tormod had on red hot pants, a Fantastic Four t-shirt with Johnny Storm on the cover, and was trying to make a heart with his lighter and the flames, but the lighter kept flicking out from overuse.

"Tormod, put your lighter away before you burn up the classroom. Again," Tibarn said.

"I thought you said you wanted us to set this place on fire?" Tormod said.

"Not literally," Tibarn said. "I meant...with music."

Ranulf turned around, his story cut off with Tibarn's arrival. "Nice sex hair, boss."

Tibarn ran his hands through his hair and smirked. "It's naturally like that."

"Suuuure it is," Ranulf said. He jumped down from the chair, and then sat down, draping over Kyza as he did.

"Ok club—" Tibarn reached to his pack pocket.

"Sothe. Give back my wallet, and my sunglasses."

Sothe rolled his heavily eyelined eyes and pulled them out from his parachute pants which had many, many pockets in them. No one informed him that parachute pants had gone out of style years ago – well, except for Kyza – but Sothe considered himself a rebel by wearing a green corset and shoplifting from Hot Topic.

He threw the wallet and sunglasses over, and Tibarn caught them in mid air, and put the wallet in his back pocket , and the glasses on his face. He usually wouldn't be taken by a little angsty whelp, but he'd assumed someone going around his back pocket was just Reyson. admiring his... assets.

"You'll get extra points if you steal from Yune, by the way," Tibarn said.

Sothe smirked. "Consider it already done...literally."

"Gold star, Sothe. Gold star," Tibarn said. "So, club, what are we going to do today?"

"Take over the world?" Sothe said.

"Kick their asses...with music?" Tormod said.

"Dress like Lady Gaga?" Kyza said.

"All of the above?" Ranulf said.

"Not good enough!" Tibarn bellowed. "We are going to rip out their intestines and make them into festive bows! All with the power of music!"

"Cooooool," Tormod said.

"Can we do it while dressing like Lady Gaga?" Kyza asked.

"...Sure, why not?" Tibarn said.

"Yes!" Kyza and Ranulf high-fived.

"Now club members. Remember to be violent with your F notes, and most of all be festive."

"In a violent manner?" Boyd asked.

"Yes," Tibarn said. "Aggressively festive. Ok, so—" Tibarn frowned at the ringtone which had a soft love song, as opposed to his usual Fly Like An Eagle ringtone. That was Reyson's personal one. He looked put up a finger and checked the readout unnecessarily.

"I know you were all looking forward to a song and dance routine, but I got called for an emergency encore, so I'm leaving today's homework for everyone to get their entries ready for our next sectionals practice."

"You're living the dream, my man. Put it up," Ranulf said.

They high-fived as Tibarn went out for his encore.

"So, you guys up for robbing banks?" Tormod said. "I'm up for robbing banks if you guys are."

Tibarn peeked back in. "No robbing banks. Or burning things. Or pimping yourself out on street corners." He looked meaningfully at Sothe. Sothe rolled his eyes. "Janaff will have his eyes on you, and Ulki will notice if you start getting your blowtorches out."

"Aww man," Tormod said.

Instead, they huddled about, trading songs and then yelling obscenities so violent, they would've made Tibarn proud, had he actually been there.

.

It was a pretty big surprise to see Soren standing ramrod straight, occasionally looking to his watch and frowning. Well, not the frowning part. Ike had a feeling Soren did a lot of that. But the actually there, in front of the door like he was waiting for someone part. That was surprising. Ike didn't really hold grudges, and he didn't think Soren would be there for anyone else, so he jogged on over, his bag of books hitting his legs with each stride.

Soren didn't smile when he saw Ike, but then Ike had this feeling that Soren smiling would be right up there with Daein becoming a tropical, Laguz-loving paradise.

"Hello," Soren said, somewhere between indifferent and out-and-out coldness. Ike didn't take it personally.

"Yeah, hey," Ike said. "Is something up?"

Soren shifted, seeming somewhere between uncomfortable, and hating everyone on principle.

"I have a proposition for you," Soren said.

"You mean like grammar stuff?" Ike asked.

"...that's preposition," Soren said. "I mean a deal."

"Oh," Ike said. "What do you have in mind?" He suddenly had an image of two Ranulfs, like the old picture of a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. One was saying he's totally asking you on a date, my man! the other was saying you should totally hit it. Somehow Ike wasn't surprised that both Ranulf's were urging him to get laid.

"Your earlier offer of walking me home...I'd like to take you up on it, and acquire your services as a bodyguard," Soren said. "Hopefully we can get the price squared away so I can draw up the contract."

"I don't demand pay. You could just join the rest," Ike said.

Soren raised one eyebrow. "The rest?"

Several of the lower nerd structure burst out and got within a certain distance, as if on cue. They ran out to him, and then struck casual poses, looking elsewhere as the bully in question came out.

"I see," Soren said. "Well, go on. Say it."

"What?" Ike said.

"The 'I told you so'," Soren said.

"For?"

"I've come to hire you to be my ersatz bodyguard."

"My what?" Ike said.

Soren took a deep breath. "I'm asking you to walk me home, and I'm prepared to compensate you. Thus, you would be my pseudo-bodyguard. Or more precisely, you'll be a bodyguard for both Pelleas and I."

The Ranulf on his right shoulder noted that Soren hadn't specified cash as his compensation. The other lifted one eyebrow and smirked. Then the two Ranulfs brofisted.

"Like I said, I don't ask for pay to help people," Ike said.

"I don't want to be indebted to you. Who knows what you might ask for," Soren said.

"Hate to break it to you, but I'm not into blackmail," Ike said.

"Surely," Soren said. "If not money, then...Your grades. What are they?"

"Uh...C's and D's? Why?"

"I won't promise miracles, but with hard work we may be able to get you a B yet," Soren said.

"Ok," Ike said. "I guess..."

"All right," Soren said. "I'll meet you tomorrow in the library thirty minutes after school."

"Gotcha," Ike said.

"Don't be late," he said. With that, Soren nodded and left without any further words of goodbye, and Ike was left feeling a little dazed in his wake. Soren was the most brusque person he had encountered, even more than himself.

It was after Soren had turned on his heel and left that Ike thought they should've exchanged cell phones numbers — even if Ike kept his phone off most of the time and generally forgot to turn it back on, only to find a gazillion missed calls, mostly from Ranulf and often beginning with 'Dude, bro'.

.

She looked about five, but claimed to be an ancient goddess of Chaos And Doom. Then again, she claimed a lot of things. She had long curly hair which nearly dragged on the floor, and had a penchant for wearing neon jumpsuits. She also hated Tibarn. She hated a lot of people, granted, but she seemed to take a special hate of Tibarn. According to her, his sex hair kept reminding her that she wasn't getting laid, given that she looked like a five year old and most people were afraid of getting a trip in a party van and being told to 'have a seat over there'.

"Hello, meatbag," she said, looking up and glaring at him.

"Hi sweetie," Tibarn said. "Isn't it your naptime?"

"I'm going to steal Kyza," she said. "He will be perfect for our cheerios, you bag of flesh and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Nothing? Really?" Tibarn smirked.

"You can try all you want, you ass pirate," she said.

"I'm wearing my pirate hat tomorrow, just for that," Tibarn said. "Also—" He dialed a number he had on speed dial and put it on speakerphone, just for that.

"Hello, Ranulf?"

"Suppppp!"

"I need you to put your sexiness on full throttle," Tibarn said.

"Exactly the same, then," Ranulf said.

"Dress like Sothe if you need to. I'll even let you have met schedule in the janitor's closet if need be."

"So you want me to dress like a rentboy with an 80's fashion sense who thinks he's ironic but really just looks ridiculous? Can do, boss."

Yune narrowed her eyes. She knew as well as Tibarn that Reyson could do no wrong in Oliver's eyes, and it would take just one meeting in the principal's office to get things working his way.

Yune put her hands on her nonexistent hips. She didn't even come up to Tibarn's knees, so it was hard to deliver her death glare when even craning her neck back meant she could only see his crotch.

"If you're declaring war, missy, I think it's past your bedtime," Tibarn said.

"I invented war because I was bored!" She said, looking on the verge of a tantrum.

"Sure, sure, and Al Gore invented the internet," Tibarn said.

They both stalked off to their separate corners. Tibarn smirked, and did his victory strut, but little did he know, this was only the beginning.