Disclaimer: I only own this fic; the characters, settings and all others belong to Hoshino Katsura.
Special thanks to: syu_bear and saphira112 for proof-reading this, a1y_puff for whipping me to write, also becca2793 for helping me with the summary xD
Setting: let's consider it semi-AU. Not entirely canon as I erased some things I think as necessary (like Noah!Allen, Link, etc.), but not entirely AU as it is set in the canon world, post anime. Confused? So am I... xD;;
Warning: this fic requires some... thinking. Because I didn't explain everything just blatantly. Also, some scenes were written in italics, so maybe if you read this fic through your mobile (if your mobile can't display italics), you'd get a bit confused xD;
Yullen Week 2010, Day 1 (prompt: Yearn)
Kanda was there again, alone in the dojo, meditating with nothing but Mugen and a complete uniform set being his only companions. Or at least, the only companions he acknowledged. As for Allen, no matter how many times he watched Kanda in the dojo, standing near the door with faint breathing as though he was afraid to disturb the guy, Kanda never cared to settle his eyes on him. He lived as if he were sure, that Allen was non-existent in his eyes.
Those curved eyebrows that rested serenely above the closed eyes, the moist thin lips that perhaps had forgotten what a smile was from the moment the man knew about the world, and that calm and collected pose Allen wanted to break so badly to see what was inside Kanda's mind, were all something that perhaps had drawn Allen so deep to the person named Kanda Yu. So deep that he found himself once more there, being ignored like a single insect, for his own sake, for Kanda's sake.
"There's no end to them!"
Another level three Akuma approached Allen as he jumped backward, raising his Innocence sword high into the night sky and slammed it over the thick skull of a yellow Akuma in one stroke—but really, it didn't have much of an effect to the creature aside of small cracks. No doubt—Allen's energy was drained from fighting too many Akuma at once ever since the sun was still up in the sky. Seriously, there must be something wrong with his current mission.
"Back off, beansprout!"
Clanking sounds rang in his ears; his back could feel the warmth of Kanda's body as they were pressing back to back, surrounded by two level-three and two level-four Akuma. The silver moon glimmered, covering velvet blackness around them in ethereal mists of light, as though amused at their situation.
"Fuck!" Kanda grunted through grit teeth; Allen couldn't agree more.
Snickering noises came out of the two level threes, as though they were mocking Kanda's and Allen's foolishness for not giving up. And the level fours, looking as stupid as ever—yet radiating that pressuring air—tilted their heads and counted to three.
Then they attacked at once.
"Kanda, do you think you can go to Komui's office now?"
Raising his head a bit from his soba, Kanda found Lenalee smiling hesitantly at him, hands entangled behind her back.
"Or you can finish your meal first..."
Standing up so fast that his movement caused his chair to screech against the floor, he fixed his stare at the surprised Lenalee, mouthing his answer firmly for the girl to catch its literal one, and the masked one.
"I'll go now."
Then he headed out of the cafeteria, brushing past Lenalee, who was just standing there in silence. Her face turned listless once he disappeared, as the fist she had been forming in front of her bosom since she didn't know when shook slightly, before it stopped entirely and the smile came back to her—the ever-reluctant smile she had turned to liking these past few weeks. So there she went out, to where Kanda had gone.
Not really new to happen, in fact, it was probably better than last week, moreover last month, Allen thought while he sprung on his heels. Lenalee had managed to calm herself, but looked like she still had trouble as to how she should face Kanda. And maybe, everyone was having the same problem, Allen noted, as he glanced around the relieved expressions everyone wore as soon as Kanda left.
"Don't you think two level fours are just insane?"
"Shut the fuck up and fight!"
An explosion reverberated between the buildings, and the two exorcists were doomed to hide behind the cracking ruins. Those laser eyes beaming from beyond the rubble, scanning everything in attempt to find them, capture them. One level three had gone, but there were still three Akuma there, and two of them were the sickening level fours.
A fast movement beside him alerted Allen, resulting him to immediately catch Kanda's arm—and almost get slaughtered for doing so.
"Are you crazy?" Allen glared incredulously. "Throwing yourself onto those level fours is suicide with your current wounds!"
"So what's your fucking plan now? Let them have the fun?"
"Of course not! It's a dead town, so no living people are here, but maybe we should separate them—"
"Then go kill one Akuma and I'll handle the other!"
"No! The thing is how to separate them and there's still one level thre—whoah! You made them find us!"
And more explosions declared their glory that night.
"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me?"
Komui heaved a sigh; his glasses hid the weary closed eyes quite well.
"No, this is really your mission. You need more equipment, don't you? May I ask when was the last time you took care of yourself?"
Kanda grunted, eyebrows connected in irritation. "I take care of myself quite well."
Once again, Komui sighed, shaking his head and resting his chin above the entangled fingers; his elbows leaned on the desk—the surface of which was hardly visible due to the piles of papers that had taken over it so freely.
"That's why, Kanda. You take care of yourself too well. As if nothing disturbs you."
"This is funny because I think I've just heard that I'm wrong for taking care of myself really well."
The chin was up, the fingers down to the desk; Komui stared sharply at the guy before him.
"Take your mission and leave, Kanda. The market is not going to be open twenty-four hours."
Kanda narrowed his eyes in protest, but Komui raised his eyebrows—not really giving him the freedom to sound whatever it was that had been on the verge of his tongue. Lenalee fidgeted in the corner, and Allen... Allen was standing outside, right before the door, listening to everything silently.
"I was told to aid you!"
Lenalee had managed to catch up with Allen and Kanda, yet judging from her appearance and wounds, she must have already been involved in another epic fight.
One more level three exploded, kicked by the girl and slashed by the samurai. But floating in the night sky were the two level fours, bald and honestly ugly to the point Allen could not even stand looking at them. And they were deadly for sure.
"Let's play together!" they yelled in sync, acting cute but honestly, they weren't.
Kanda jumped upward with his readied twin blades and slashed through the one on the right. Allen was not pleased, of course, so he followed behind, attempting to attack as well—but with two level fours, things were meant to be more difficult, especially when one of the ugly creatures fixed its eyes on Lenalee.
Thus they both were shot downward only because of a slight inadvertence; their backs made cracking sounds from the smash.
Kanda halted his steps, snapping his head towards the origin of the voice.
"Could you please listen to me?"
"...I'm not interested in prophecy." Narrowing his eyes, Kanda answered tersely to the middle-aged woman wearing a black hood, who had come out from her little black tent located in the corner of a crowded market. "And I still have to buy a lot of things—"
"You don't need to pay, I just need to tell you something," the fortune-teller smiled serenely, wrinkle lines looking firmer as she did so. "Because I see something incredibly wonderful in you."
Kanda raised his chin, eyes observing the woman sceptically.
"Then say it."
"Young man, it is really rare to feel something so peaceful around humans," she began tentatively; her hands clutching the fabric of Kanda's black uniform. "You might look so gloomy, but I can see you're surrounded by warm light."
"Oh, really? And why does that matter?" he narrowed his eyes more.
"Do you have a lover? Or maybe a sibling?"
Kanda remained silent, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
"You must be really happy because someone truly and genuinely cares about you," she smiled even wider, the grasps on Kanda's uniform grew tighter. "But in return to get more of that happiness, you must as well become a little bit honest, dear."
A snort was what had escaped Kanda, resulting the fortune-teller to tilt her head in confusion.
"Me? Happy?" Kanda's, expression grew darker, and it was heart-shattering for the woman to see, for there was something more lurking beyond those eyes. The next second, however, he glared and punctuated each word through gritted teeth. "Don't be a fool, woman. I. Don't. Fucking. Need. Happiness."
"But..." She pulled her hands back warily at the threateningly harsh words, taking a few steps backwards more because of the shock—she knew that the man before her was not that bad. "Everyone needs, everyone deserves..."
"Sorry to say, but you can't read anything, let alone fortune tell me," he threw the insult just as easily as he turned around, showing his back to the wide-eyed woman, quickening his steps just to be sure she didn't follow him.
"Young man!" Not wanting to give up, she yelled after him just before Kanda was totally out of her vision, trying to reach out her hands to Kanda—but failed. "I often read people right, and you must open your eyes! Open your heart to the person who cares for you!"
As expected, Kanda just ignored her; biting the inside of his mouth until he tasted something salty inside and ran through the crowd. Hell with his mission. He did not need to buy something he did not yet need.
Because currently, he only needed to do one thing. One thing that involved a certain beansprout.
"Kanda, you always say that you'll leave those who stand by your missions."
A breeze blew through the night, making the silvery hair freely dance and reveal the delicate neck under. Kanda tried to ignore Allen's existence despite his face managing to stick inside Kanda's peripheral vision.
"I don't have time to save weaklings, unlike you."
"Oh, really?" Allen's laughter seemed pestering to Kanda. "But you just saved a finder and I, didn't you?" Allen glanced over his shoulder to see the direction where the finder had gone to send his report to the headquarters
"That was because you both were disturbing my battle!"
Ah, red. It was so red, Kanda's ear was. Too bad Allen couldn't see his blush from behind.
"Well, despite all of your rudeness, I'll return the favour someday," Allen flashed a modest smile, skipping to cut their Kanda merely glared through his sharp eyes, and grunted.
"No need, beansprout."
Well, that was what happened the night before they were attacked by the level fours.
The door slammed close just as soon as it was opened by the guy named Kanda. And there, inside his room, was standing Allen Walker just before the lotus.
It was just as predicted, Kanda gritted his teeth.
"What are you doing," he demanded.
Seemingly surprised at Kanda's outburst, Allen widened his eyes and stared at the guy incredulously.
"I asked you. What. Are. You. Doing."
Allen gave a small huff, cupping his chest to emphasis his surprise. "I never thought you'd finally talk to me."
"Just answer my question, beansprout!" Kanda hissed, cutting their distance slowly. "Why are you always following me around? Why are you even here in the first place!"
Smiling wider and seeming more genuine than usual, Allen tilted his head and replied lightly."Why can't you understand something as simple as that, Kanda?"
"How the hell I can understand, what the fuck I should understand?" Kanda hissed, lifting his hands to touch those... shoulders. The shoulders that were just so close for him to grip, yet...
He fisted his hands and dropped them to his sides, whilst Allen shook his head and gazed through those languorous eyes.
"I'm worried, of course. You forced yourself again, didn't you? After that happened, you almost died, didn't you?" Allen pursed his lips playfully, but his eyes said otherwise. They were honest, to Kanda's dismay.
"Don't act as if you knew everything, you weren't even there, you—"
"But now I'm here."
Kanda bit back his words; hands trembling as he tightened his grip.
"I'm here and you ignored me."
"…You just suddenly appeared after those hellish weeks. You didn't even show up when Lenalee yelled for you that night or when that stupid rabbit fell into his stupid despair!" Enraged, breathing harshly, Kanda couldn't resist the urge to howl; his voice thick with a mixture of emotions.
Anger. Denial. Pain. Incredulity. And—perhaps sorrow.
"Then now why are you just suddenly..." The voice was getting lower, turning into a whisper.
"Kanda, Kanda..." Allen shook his head, the smile vanished and his eyes sparked with concern. The one that Kanda had grown used to in the past few weeks after that one night... After he...
"Beansprout—no, Walker, you..."
Lenalee's scream was what had slapped Allen back to reality; pulling his fading consciousness back from the depth of fatigue. The girl had crashed against the wall, falling down to the road as the creature grinned ever so slyly, stomping on the girl's leg to make it crack. And Kanda was there, seemingly just as quickly snapped back to Earth as Allen, but he was faster than Allen to jump in between the level four and the girl.
Lenalee was thrown to the side with Kanda's entire body now occupied with his battle against the Akuma. But the other Akuma was not only a decoration, as it floated through the sky and rushed back down right onto the almost collapsed Lenalee; making Kanda to promptly bolt and grab the girl. Yet, he was not quite fast enough to shield himself from the other level four. So it was then that Lenalee's eyes widened, and Kanda's whole flesh turned to a stone. Because Allen Walker had just received a thrust in the heart for Kanda's sake.
—And there was no way that his Innocence could save him for the second time, right…?
"...You are dead, Walker."
Allen stared at him in silence; a thin smile bloomed on his visage as he did so.
"Yes... I am, Kanda."
"You... You're not supposed to be here, because you're dead! " shaking his head, Kanda closed his eyes, resisting whatever force it was that had made him thisbroken. "Why do you show up only to me?" his voice broke into a whisper once again.
Allen merely granted him silence, as he cupped Kanda's cheeks tenderly, forcing the older male to open his eyes hesitantly, half-heartedly.
"Are you sad?"
...Kanda did not answer.
"Are you hurt to see me protect you?"
Still no answer.
"Or are you missing me that badly?"
The dark eyes widened ever so slightly, lips wavered by the term.
Allen slipped his arms around Kanda's flesh, wrapping said man in a gentle embrace, letting his faint scent greet Kanda's nostrils while the latter was struggling to decipher what was happening to him—to Allen. All Kanda knew was that the warmth was there, Allen's soft cheek pressing against his hard chest. And the feelings...
"You must be really happy because someone really cares about you, genuinely."
"Why don't you understand something as simple as this, Kanda?" Allen's muffled chuckle escaped his lips as Kanda felt something shaking against his chest.
Allen raised his chin, locking Kanda's eyes with his own gaze, and smiled warmly—and concurrently, claiming Kanda's entire being into his pace.
"It's all because you yearn for me, don't you?"
Kanda swallowed. And stared. Just stared, letting himself fall to the temptation of the existence named Allen Walker. His eternal partner... for as long as he lived, probably. Because now he had gone insane, hadn't he?
"And you?" The raw voice was almost unrecognizable. even to Kanda himself. "What about you, beansprout?"
Allen beamed and tightened his arms around Kanda.
"Of course I do, stupid."
The lotus glowed inside its glass.
And… I'm confused. What the hell did I write about? Lol xD
But anyway, reviews will make my day. Thanks! :D