An Artemis Fowl fanfic

A/N: One-shot, written before Human Magic; I just found this lying around on my harddrive. Have fun :)

Disclaimer: You think I own any of this? Sorry, mate, I wish I did. Colfer got there first.

WHERE: Fowl Manor, Main Hall

WHEN: One week before the Fowl Star was shot by the Russian Mafiya

Artemis Fowl I bowed low to give his young son a hug. "I won't be long, three weeks and I'm back. Don't let Angeline squander all the family fortune, son!" he joked, and stood up. Next and last in the hugging round was his wife, Angeline, young and beautiful. He shared a long, passionate kiss with her and commented: "Just this one, it's just some damn coca cola, after all. If this goes OK, we'll have near to all of our fortunes washed in one go.". With these words, he and his Butler, the Major, departed, the latter exchanging a quick salute with the young Domovoi Butler, who had been tasked with the safety of young Artemis Fowl II.

Two days later, St. Petersburg, in one of the hide-holes of Russian Mafiya clan chief, Britva

"Wassili! Damned, why the fuck are you calling this early?", newly appointed clan chief Britva yelled into the phone after he got a call from one of his subordinates. Unfortunately for Wassili, Britva had been spending the night before in a local "establishment" with numerous bottles of vodka and so Wassili had caught his boss in a quite bad mood.

"WHAT? Fowl, this idiot! I didn't think he had balls like these… yeah. You happen to know where the shipment is supposed to be unloaded? Wladiwostok? You sure? I'm betting my ass off that it is Murmansk! Anyway, it'll be three days at least before his godforsaken freighter gets anything near here. I'll call you."

The first thing Britva needed now was a clear head, so he went towards the shower and turned it up. The cold water helped to wake him up fairly quickly, although he still was affected by the remains of the vodka.

Three days later, Bay of Kola, near Murmansk

Mikhail Vassikin and his associate Yuri Kamar had been waiting on some frozen rock for hours. They were all alone, save for the RPG launcher, a small fire and two bottles of vodka for each one. Both were freezing like hell, even the combined effects of the vodka and the fire did not help much. Then, suddenly, they saw a red and a green light on the horizon, which seemed to come nearer slowly. "Yeah, looks like Wassili was right damn once. Let's just call him to check if this really is the Fowl Star – I don't like the thought of accidentally blowing up some stupid army ship.". So he made the call, and Wassili confirmed that the ship on the horizon indeed was the Fowl Star. Actually, Wassili simply asked some army contact who told him that this was no military ship, and so Wassili assumed that what Vassikin and Kamar had seen indeed was the Fowl Star.

Two minutes later, the Fowl Star was merely two hundred meters away from the hideout, heading towards Murmansk. Vassikin saw his opportunity. He took the RPG launcher, aimed towards the cargo bay area and fired the missile.

Ten seconds later, the missile hit and the stern of the Fowl Star was a flaming inferno. There was only one problem: the ship did not sink at all, or at least very slowly. Cursing, Vassikin took the backup rocket – only to see the missile's head missing.

They had very big problems now.

One day later, in the morning, Fowl Manor

Two policemen drove towards the main entrance of Fowl Manor. After ringing for nearly half a minute, the door was opened and a tired-looking Angeline Fowl knew what had happened in an instant.

"He's dead, isn't he?", she asked. "No, at least the Russian police did not find anything of your husband. Nothing, except palettes of fake coca-cola. They have found a dead man named Ajax Butler, though, and he is, judging by our records, living here." was the older cop's reply.


Artemis Fowl II had never cried. Not even once in his lifetime. Now, alone in his room, it hit him. His father was most likely dead, a large share of the Fowl money swimming in the Bay of Kola, and he, being the oldest alive Fowl male, was in charge of the family and the money now. He cried the whole night.

Eight hours later

Artemis Fowl II exited the bathroom adjacent to his bedroom. He was dressed in a custom-tailored Armani suit, wore an expensive Rolex watch, and in general looked like a shrunk adult.

A new era was to begin. The era of Artemis Fowl the Second.