I woke up and Might Tell You Tonight by Scissor Sisters was running through my mind. Would not leave me alone, so I had to write a fic. I usually shy away from writing too much fluff, since i'm terrified of my writing coming off as cheesy drivel, but with this one I decided to go with it. I posted the lyrics at the end. Let the cheesy commence.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, and these events are pure fiction. I also do not own Scissor Sisters or their lyrics.
Title: Might Tell You Tonight
Warnings: Language, dirty letters, snippets of sex
Pairings: Jeff/Edge, mentions of Matt/Christian
Summary: On his day off, Adam looks back on his relationship with Jeff and ponders their future. Jedam fluff.
The alarm buzzed, annoying Adam for the second time that morning. He smacked at the clock on the nightstand and raised his head to peer at it. Quarter to eleven. He hadn't set the alarm. It was his day off, for fuck's sake. He had planned to sleep until noon, especially since he had nothing to do. Sleeping was a way to fill the time while his lover was away.
The first time the alarm had gone off that morning was to wake Jeff at some ungodly hour. Adam had slept through Jeff getting ready to leave, but could hazily recall Jeff leaning over him and stroking his hair, kissing his cheek and lips and whispering in his ear. Telling him how much he'd miss him, that he'd be back tonight and not to get into too much trouble without him.
Adam hated it when he finally had one of his precious days off and Jeff had to work. It just wasn't fair. Plus Jay and Matt had meetings with their lawyer and the adoption agency today, so he couldn't drive to Cameron and bug them. Maybe he would do some Christmas shopping. In any case he wasn't getting back to sleep now. He sighed, thinking shopping was no fun without Jeff to bounce around and drag him to the weirdest stores, pointing out things their friends would love, but had no idea they wanted. Jeff was so much better at that shit than he was. He rolled over to run his fingers across the indentation he knew would be in the pillow beside him.
A little thrill passed through him when he saw the note. Jeff often left him notes, usually in random places all over the house. In the freezer, in the cases of Adam's favourite movies, on his bookmarks. One day Adam found one tucked in a roll of toilet paper. The notes could be silly, sweet or sexy, and always made Adam smile. He smiled now as he picked up the paper and noted the little drawing on the top. Jeff had been working on a joint symbol for them, and once he settled on one Adam planned on surprising Jeff by getting a new tattoo. He briefly thought this current incarnation would look good between his shoulder blades, then read on.
I set the alarm cuz I know I have a few free minutes soon. I'm going to my dressing room to lock the door and take my cock in my hand. I'll be thinking of you in the shower, all wet and soapy and thinking of me while you touch yourself, too. I'm wishing I was there with you, licking your wet skin and pressing up to you, rubbing our dicks together, my fingers deep inside you. So horny for you today, I almost couldn't leave you this morning. When I get home we won't even make it to the bedroom. Just gonna take you on the couch, so be ready. I'll see you soon.
Adam grabbed his phone and texted Jeff "Getting in shower now." He read through the note one more time and rolled out of bed. His phone beeped and he checked the display. "Justlocked door. Typing1handed." Adam high-tailed it to the bathroom.
It had started almost two years ago. The minute the spring weather was warm enough to allow, Matt and Jay had their commitment ceremony in Matt's backyard. Adam and Jeff had stood on opposite sides of the aisle as witnesses, wearing matching emerald shirts and ties. Jay insisted the color would bring out both their eyes. Throughout the ceremony (which Adam would never admit to having sniffled through) Jeff had given him strange looks. Intense looks. The reception that evening was also in the backyard, with tables, food, drink and a dance floor set up under large canopies lit with icicle lights. Jeff had dragged Adam from his third vodka tonic onto the dance floor by his tie. Techno was playing and everyone was on the floor, so Adam didn't have to worry about looking stupid alone. They joined the crowd, grooving around and having fun until Jeff grabbed Adam's hands. They danced together for a moment, and before Adam knew what was happening they were holding each other close, grinding together and staring into each other's eyes, forgetting everyone else around them. When the song ended Jeff put his lips to his ear and whispered, "Meet me in the house after they cut the cake."
Adam wasn't really sure why he had gone. He could have ignored Jeff's request. Maybe he was curious. Maybe he got caught up in the emotion of the day. Maybe it was the vodka. Whatever the reason, he had slipped out of the reception and into the kitchen where Jeff was waiting. Jeff grabbed his hand and took him upstairs to a guest room, locking the door behind him.
"What do you want?" Adam asked him, knowing full well what Jeff had in mind. His heart was beating wildly, not sure if this was a good idea, but unable to resist. Jay had been right about the emerald. Jeff looked amazing, his purple hair brilliant against the green and his eyes glowing with lust.
"It's tradition for the best man and the maid of honor to hook up," Jeff told him.
"Maid of honor?" Adam snorted.
"Well, you are on the bride's side." There was no time for a clever comeback before Jeff was on him, kissing him hard, hands tearing at his clothes. Jeff had fucked the hell out of him that evening, and Adam had been addicted ever since.
At first it had just been sex, meeting for clandestine trysts around the arenas. Jeff loved to get on a locker room bench and have Adam ride him, while Adam like to corner Jeff in a supply closet and press him against the wall, holding his wrists over his head as he fucked him. They never mentioned it outside of those encounters, not expecting anything from each other. Adam was gun-shy about romance, having fallen too hard, too fast, too many times before. He wasn't eager to have yet another relationship end in disaster for both him and his friends. Jeff wasn't interested in commitment either, preferring open relationships as a general rule.
Then Jeff jumped ship for TNA. Adam and Jeff didn't see each other for months, and Adam realized how little he'd actually slept around lately. Hell, he could bone or get boned any time he wanted, but every encounter just left him empty and thinking about how they weren't Jeff. Adam found himself missing their matches, their talks in catering. He missed the mischievous gleam in Jeff's eyes when he teased him, the sound of his laughter. He missed Jeff's passion for life. He told himself Jeff wasn't the reason he rushed closing on the house in North Carolina, that he just loved the atmosphere and wanted to be closer to his surrogate brother and new brother-in-law, but he couldn't deny the proximity to Jeff wasn't a bonus.
Jeff and Adam finally saw each other again at Adam's housewarming party. By midnight everyone was wasted, Chris and Jay singing drinking songs at the top of their voices while Matt, Mike, Morrison, Randy and Melina argued over a card game. Adam suspected that Shane, Shannon, Amy, Cody, Mickie and Jillian were smoking out in the garage, but he didn't care. He was huddled in a dark corner with Jeff, drunkenly giggling at the others and stealing kisses between babbled conversation. They eventually ended up passed out in a tangle of limbs, Adam's lips on Jeff's neck. Jeff woke up with a killer hangover and an even worse hickey.
Over the fall and winter Jay invited Adam to every holiday and birthday party at the Hardy compound, and he accepted gladly. Not only did he get free food and time with his friends, but he and Jeff would invariably sneak off together at some point. It snowed on Christmas Eve, and he, Jeff, Matt and Jay ended up in the hot tub, watching the snowflakes melt as they hit the steam rising from the gently churning water. They kept bottles of beer cold by sticking them in the snow around the tub, and they talked and laughed until Matt and Jay started making out. Adam rolled his eyes as Jeff splashed them, telling them to take it inside. To Adam's delight they took Jeff's advice, scrambling through the snow to the house and swearing at the cold. Jeff looked back at Adam in surprise.
"I didn't actually expect that to work."
Adam grinned and pulled him close, grabbing Jeff's hand and rubbing it against the bulge between his legs. "I'm glad it did." Jeff leaned in to press his mouth to Adam's, straddling his lap and groping him under the warm water. That night in the hot tub Jeff gave Adam one of the best Christmas presents he'd ever received.
Around Matt and Jay's first anniversary, Jeff started showing up at Adam's house. He would leave the airport and drive out of his way to spend a couple hours with Adam before heading home. The timing wasn't always easy with Adam's schedule, but they saw each other more and more frequently. They felt more free in Adam's house, not looking over their shoulders or locking doors. Soon Jeff was spending the night there before or after a trip to Florida. More and more of Jeff's stuff ended up in Adam's rooms as the months went on, but they never discussed the fact that neither one of them was sleeping with anyone else anymore. They talked about a lot of things, but they never talked about the reason they felt they needed to hide their activities from their friends and family. They didn't want to say aloud that neither one of them trusted themselves with the other's heart.
The turning point came at Matt's end-of-the-season barbeque and pool party. Matt was at the grill, sporting a "suck the cook" apron and bitching at his helper, Shane. Most of the people from Adam's housewarming were there, along with quite a few new faces. Everyone was swimming and lounging around the pool, playing lawn games or shooting hoops. A Call Of Duty tournament was going on in the game room. Jay was flitting around, setting up the buffet and checking to see if everyone was happy. He looked around the pool and decided he needed to get more towels, so he headed to the laundry room.
Adam was sitting on the edge of the dryer, leaning back on his hands. His jeans were pulled down his hips enough to expose his ass, but not so far he couldn't wrap his legs around Jeff's waist. Jeff was pumping into him, his hands under Adam's shirt as Adam bit his lip, trying to keep his moans breathy and quiet.
"Jesus," Jay cried, putting his hands up to block the view as they whipped their heads around in surprise. He side-stepped around them and grabbed a stack of towels, then pointed at them. "You guys suck at sneaking around, you know that?" Jay rushed back to the door with his armful of towels, pausing only to call over his shoulder, "And don't get jizz all over our clean clothes!" The door clicked behind him and the caught couple looked at each other.
"But I liked sneaking around," Jeff said with a little pout. Adam just blinked at him.
"So... do you think we should stop?" Adam asked him. Jeff searched his face, and Adam could see in his eyes that he knew Adam wasn't talking about their current position on the dryer. Adam shifted under his gaze, feeling him rub against his inner walls with the motion. Jeff grunted softly and tucked a lock of Adam's hair behind his ear, then took his face in his hands. He pulled Adam closer, running his thumbs along his cheekbones as he looked at him. Slowly, tentatively, he brushed his lips across Adam's and stopped, their mouths just a hair's breadth apart. Adam closed the distance and kissed him back. They had been intimate off and on for over a year, but Adam would always remember this as their first kiss. Jeff parted his lips, his tongue flicking into Adam's mouth as he pushed deeper inside him. Adam clenched around around his cock, holding him tight for a moment and slipping his arms around him. Jeff pulled back and started to thrust, his eyes never leaving Adam's throughout, even as their orgasms shuddered through them.
When they emerged from the laundry room and made their way to the kitchen, they found their closest friends waiting to give them a standing ovation. Chris shouted "It's about fucking time!" while Shannon cried "When's the wedding?" Adam responded with a mock laugh and a middle finger while Jeff hopped up on the kitchen table, flexing and posing. Adam pinched the bridge of his nose while his friends cat-called and whistled. Jeff spread his arms and bowed to the small crowd.
"Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen. And how about a hand for my lovely assistant?" He gestured grandly at Adam, who stepped forward and took his hand to help him hop off the table.
"Fuck you, Jeffro," he growled, his lips trying to quirk into a smile.
"Maybe later, Blondie," Jeff said, slapping his cheek lightly. "Let's go eat first."
At the mention of food everyone migrated back to the backyard, laughing and still cheering. Jeff started to follow, but Adam pulled him back. "Definitely later." They smiled at each other and would have kissed again, but Matt interrupted.
"Hey," Matt said, his arm around Jay's waist. The four of them were the only ones left in the kitchen now. "We didn't want to push you, but... how come you guys didn't tell us?"
"Yeah," Jay said. The couple wore identical expressions of puzzled hurt. "I mean, we've been waiting for you guys to announce your engagement for like, six months now. Did you feel like you couldn't trust us?"
Jeff looked at Adam and shrugged. Adam squirmed, feeling guilty about not confiding in his best friend, seeing the same guilt reflected in Jeff's eyes. He looked back at Matt and Jay, imitating Jeff's shrug. "I don't know. We never really talked about it. I guess..." he looked back at Jeff and laced his fingers through his. "I guess if we said it out loud, it would make it... I dunno, real?"
Jeff looked down at their hands, then back up to Adam's eyes. "So, is this real now?"
Adam gazed at his beautiful enigma, thinking about how much he enjoyed his company, how he looked forward to Jeff spending the night in his bed, holding him close and talking until they fell asleep in each other's arms. He thought about Jeff cooking him breakfast, using the spatula as a microphone to sing with the radio. He wanted to know what it would be like to come home to him after work, spending comfortable nights in front of the fireplace. He wanted to tease and pick at him until he shouted in exasperation, just so he could make it up to him. He wanted to hold Jeff's hand like this whenever he wanted. "Yeah. Yeah, I think so."
He would have asked if that was okay with Jeff, but Jeff was busy kissing him. Matt and Jay let them have their moment, but eventually Matt had to clap his hands to get their attention. "Hey! Loverboys! This is real cute and all, but it's time to get our grub on, huh?"
"No shit, I'm starving," Jay said, rubbing his stomach. Adam and Jeff followed them out to the backyard, unable to keep the grins off their faces as they went to greet their friends as a couple.
Adam shuffled through all of these memories as he shaved his face and dried his hair. As usual, he wished they had come out sooner, but in all he was glad they hadn't rushed things. As he looked back he knew he hadn't been ready. The whole thing would probably have crumbled, and he wouldn't be sticking his toothbrush in the holder beside Jeff's right now. Since the barbeque they had been inseparable when they weren't working, and though they still never defined their relationship, Jeff had practically moved in. Jeff had turned this place into a home. And Adam was happy to stay home with him.
He went to his closet and surveyed the contents. The amount of flannel and denim had doubled, while the previously miniscule section of boots, leather and mesh had increased exponentially. Adam didn't mind. He would even get rid of some stuff if Jeff needed more room for his weird wardrobe. He put on a pair of jeans and a tee, then noticed the sweater Jeff had been wearing yesterday sitting on top of the hamper. He picked it up and brought it to his face, inhaling the scent of Jeff's sandalwood-based cologne mixed with hints of tobacco and strawberry. Underneath was the heavenly smell of Jeff's skin. Adam slipped the sweater over his head and made his way downstairs.
In the kitchen Adam was greeted with the sound of the coffee maker burbling out the last drops into the carafe. The darling man had set the coffee maker on delay for him. He grabbed his favorite mug and started to pour, but stopped short when he saw the post-it note inside the mug. He plucked it up and read while he got creamer from the fridge.
Black liquid brings light and life to hazel-green eyes in my stead. Thick white blends with the dark, unlocks aroma to be breathed and cherished before pink lips part to allow the first bittersweet sip to be imbibed.
Jeff probably wrote that while drinking his own coffee. He loved coffee even more than Adam did, which was a feat unto itself. Adam smiled as he poured the creamer and mixed it. Jeff spoiled him. Almost as much as he spoiled Jeff. He was beginning to realize he wanted to live this way forever. That he wanted to watch Jeff grow old, help him cover the grey in his hair with whatever color he wanted that day. He had a vision of sitting on a porch swing, cuddled up to Jeff and watching Matt and Jay's grandkids play on the lawn. He never needed anyone else, just as long as he had Jeff. Even as he stood there he could feel a chapter of his life ending. Adam sipped his coffee and knew what he was going to do the rest of the day. It was time to start something new.
Jeff banged the door open and slid the bag off his shoulder. "Honey, I'm ho-ooome!" he called. The dogs ran at him and he ruffled their fur. He was a little tired and sore, but he was still ready to bend his beautiful blonde over the couch and screw him until he couldn't walk. He stomped the snow off his boots and tossed his coat and cap aside, shaking out his chin-length hair. "Adds? Where are you?" he sing-songed as he took off his boots. Adam usually greeted him at the door. And Jeff had texted him, telling him he was on his way. Maybe he'd gone shopping or something. It was kinda late, though. The stores would all be closed. And the roads were icy... "Adam!"
"I'm in the dining room!" Adam's voice rang through the house and the tiny burgeoning panic in his chest was banished. It was odd that he was in the dining room, though. They never used it, preferring the coziness of the kitchen when they were alone, and Adam hadn't hosted a dinner here yet. Jeff went down the dim hall, seeing light flickering through the archway. When he walked into the room his plans for the evening flew right out of his head. Jeff looked around, his green eyes wide and glittering with reflected candlelight. The table was covered in food and candles, and soft music played on the stereo. The place settings were elaborate with Adam's finest silver, china and crystal, and a bouquet of fresh wildflowers stood as the centerpiece.
"Wow..." Jeff breathed. Adam had never done anything like this for him before. Hell, no one had. He always imagined that if someone had, he would have gotten severely uncomfortable and bolted. Instead, he was... touched. He didn't know if this was just a whim on Adam's part or if it signified something more, and he realized he was kind of excited to find out. He was so dazzled by the scene that he jumped a bit when long arms wrapped around his waist and soft lips caressed his neck. A smile tugged at his mouth and he turned in Adam's arms to peck his lover on the mouth. "Adam Joseph Copeland, are you being romantic?"
Adam kissed him back and smiled. "Hungry, baby?"
"I'm starving, actually. Everything smells so good... but you can't cook." Jeff smirked at him and a cute little pout came to Adam's lips.
"Hey, I did good."
"You had Matt cook for you."
"No, they're too busy trying to make us uncles."
"Oh, yeah. Take out?"
Adam scowled and pinched Jeff's nipple through his shirt, making him yelp and jump back. "Hush, you. Just enjoy the food." Jeff giggled as Adam pushed him towards the chair at the head of the table, swatting his ass. Jeff went to sit down and was surprised again as Adam held his chair for him, scooting him up to the table and leaning down for another kiss. He sat at the place to Jeff's right and they started to dish up.
"This is quite a spread," Jeff remarked as they started their meal. "What's the occasion?"
"I thought you'd be hungry. And I wanted to show you I appreciate you." He shrugged and passed him the basket of rolls. Jeff set it on the table and took Adam's hand, bringing it to his lips. He rubbed his thumb over Adam's knuckles as they gazed at each other, letting their smiles say all the things their voices never had. Adam squeezed Jeff's fingers and their hands parted as they went back to their food.
"So, tell me what happened today."
Jeff talked about his day and Adam filled him in on Matt and Jay's progress with the adoption, having talked to Jay earlier in the evening. They discussed Christmas plans and what gifts to get whom, and gossiped some about their friends. When they were pleasantly full Adam got up and went to the kitchen, returning with a bottle of red wine. Jeff studied the label as Adam popped the cork, recognizing it.
"Weren't you saving that one?"
"Yeah. I just didn't know I was saving it for tonight." Jeff's heart skipped as he watched Adam pour the wine. He noticed the nervous way Adam licked his lips as he sat back down, how he cleared his throat and ducked his head. Something was up. Jeff could feel a change coming on, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. He loved the way things were with Adam now. He loved the sound of his soft snores lulling Jeff to sleep, loved waking up next to him and seeing his pretty eyes, knowing he'd been watching him sleep. He loved laughing at Adam while he did imitations of their friends. He even loved it when he turned into a dramatic mess when things didn't go his way, like he had last night when Jeff told him he had to work today. He could be deliciously wicked and intense sometimes, but deep down Adam was the most gentle and big-hearted man Jeff had ever met. He didn't want anything to change that. He wanted to stay here and take care of his Adds forever.
"There is an occasion," Jeff said. "What is it?"
Adam shrugged again. "Well, it's probably stupid, but... I wanted to give you something."
"After all this? I get a present, too?" Jeff's eyes lit up. He didn't think Adam was going to give him a ring or anything. Adam knew how he felt about marriage, and Adam was commitment-shy anyway.
"I don't know if it's really a present, but..." he took Jeff's hands in his own and met his eyes. "I did a lot of thinking today. About you, about us. I thought about how much I need you in my life. I don't want anyone else. You know my history with relationships and shit, and no matter how I thought I felt about anyone else, there's always been one thing I could never really give up." He let go of Jeff's hands and reached behind the flower vase, bringing out a bulky and battered address book and handing it to Jeff.
Jeff looked down at the book, its brown leather cover and the loose papers sticking out at odd angles, and looked back at Adam with a quizzical smile. "What's this?" Adam's words had overwhelmed him, and his mind was buzzing.
"It's, uh... it's essentially my little black book."
Jeff blinked at him, then laughed. "Are you kidding? You actually have a little black book? Who the fuck does that anymore?" He opened the book, flipping through the pages. Names and cities were scribbled in varied handwriting, along with phone numbers and email addresses. There were also little stars next to most of the names. "Hold on... did you rate them?" He laughed harder as Adam blushed.
"This is supposed to be a grand gesture, dick."
Jeff chuckled at Adam's scowl and brushed a stray lock of gold out of his dear face. "I'm sorry, baby. I just... I'm not sure what to do with this."
"Whatever you want. Burn it, bury it, sleep with it under your pillow. It's yours now. Oh, except for one page." Adam grabbed the book and flipped toward the end, tearing a leaf out before handing it back. "I want to keep this one." Jeff plucked it out of his fingers and looked at it, seeing his own name in Adam's handwriting, along with his phone number and address in Cameron. And about fifteen stars. Jeff crumpled the page in his fist.
"You don't need this one. Because I'm not going away. Besides," Jeff said, smiling, "the address is wrong." Adam beamed at him and Jeff felt kind of giddy. This was really happening. He was going to officially move in, share his life with Adam. "Out of curiosity, how many stars are possible?"
Adam grinned. "Five."
Jeff raised his eyebrows and giggled. "Damn, I must be good." He ran his fingers over the worn cover of the book. "Are you sure you want to do this? Give me this?"
Adam nodded slowly. "Yes. I don't need it anymore. I have you." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "I love you."
Jeff's world came to a standstill. He sat there, breathless and staring at Adam, who was anxiously searching his face. "Say that again," he whispered.
Adam slid off his own chair and knelt by Jeff's, his hands sliding around his waist. He tossed his hair back as he gazed up at him. "I love you, Jeff Hardy. You've changed me. I want to start my life over, and I want to start it with you. And I want you to stay all my life."
Jeff blinked down at his lover in wonder, sweeping his fingers through his hair. "I want to stay. I love you, too, Adam." He leaned down and took Adam's mouth with his own, drinking in his sweetness. Adam somehow ended up in his lap as they tasted each other, tongues flicking and caressing between whispered words.
"I love you, Jeff," Adam murmured in his ear. "I want you to make love to me."
"Yes, Adam. I'll make love to you. Always." Jeff took Adam to their room, their bed. And Jeff kept his promise. He stayed. Always.
Might Tell You Tonight
by Scissor Sisters
When you're quiet, but your eyes
Are saying everything I need to know
I want to burrow like a sparrow
Dodging alley cats and whiskers
Why do we talk in whispers?
Is it painful hearing voices ring
So early in the morning?
I've been waiting for the day
When I can throw away these numbers
That line my dresser drawers and cupboards
Start me over
Life seems so much slower
With your toothbrush by the mirror
Can I make it any clearer?
And I just might say it tonight
I just might say it tonight
And I just might tell you tonight
That I love you
And you should stay all my life
They'll tell you that you'll maybe make it
If you just cut your clothes and change your hair
But I won't fuss and moan
'bout what you wear
I feel so much better
When I read your dirty letters
Just wear your sweaters in the winter
'Cause I wouldn't want you to get cold
I hope that we're together when we're old
I would have sold all my possessions
Never took piano lessons
But baby you're a grand
And I will learn to play the good notes
And tune you up the best I can
And I just might say it tonight
I just might say it tonight
I just might tell you tonight
That I love you
And you should stay all my life