Disclaimers: Well, I do not own them and that is pretty unfair – they again belong to DPB! Why does he always have to own the best shows and the best characters? Could someone explain that to me? His characters are always suffering too much. So I have decided to borrow them for a little while, the length of a story, but I promise to give them back though I really wish I could keep them for myself.
Rating: T to M (+13 to + 18 as always to be on the safe side, isn't it?)
Summary: Thomas remembers Michelle, the only person he's ever really loved
Author's note: I can't believe it took me 22 years to be able to write a fic about my hero since I was a little girl, the man who's stolen my heart, Tomas Sullivan Magnum III. I have no idea why it took me so long, maybe I was afraid I would write him right of wouldn't be able to make him justice, I have bloody no idea. I couldn't until today, I've been re-watching the show on DVD and I still love it as much as the first time I saw it.
Anyway I thought about something when I saw the last episode and I decide to write it down. Sadly I can't bring Michelle back to life, the story; I'm writing does not permit it, so maybe in another one, I cannot undo the pain he feels and hide so well, but what I can do is ease it a bit. I'm writing this because I thought it was missing in the show.
Even when you discover your daughter is still alive you CANNOT act as if you feel nothing after losing the love of your life, I know, he's acted it on it when he's seen the tape that shows the car blowing up, but I still think there could have been more into it.
So to those who chose to read this ENJOY!
Feedbacks: well, I'd love them, of course – who wouldn't? But please, only if you respect my work because it takes a lot of time and energy to get a story together. I love writing; I wouldn't allow anyone to discourage me from doing so, never. I don't have any problems at all with readers who choose not to go for this, but I decidedly do with those who write disrespectful mails just because they didn't get the ending they would have wanted. If you want to tell me what I might have done better within the story I made up, you're always very welcome to let me know. But if your only concern is to rant about it, then please, do it in private, okay? Thank you.
Thomas had just put his daughter to bed. He was standing by the window as a flow of memories of the past rolled over him like a giant wave. He was thankful that she was still alive, but he was also submerged by and tremendous pain that was the loss to Michelle.
Why did she have to die? That was the question Magnum had been asking himself from the moment he had seen the car Michelle and her latest husband were in, blow up. He had been driven by vengeance then for some time, but killing Quang Ki won't have brought her back. He'd set himself into sniper mode ready to kill the man, he had a perfect view and had a perfect position, but at the very last moment he hadn't pulled the trigger, even though he could have and no one would have seen him, and walked away crying; knowing from the bottom of his heart that it was not what Michelle would have want him to do.
Tom turned to look at his sleeping daughter to make sure she was still sleeping. Then, he slowly walked to rest of the stairs and slowly, silently opened the door. I needed some fresh air. Closing the door as silently as he could, he walked away and wandered in the garden.
Robin's place was safe and he was planning to walk that far. Just in case Lily woke up, she would come looking for him in the garden. She was a bright little girl. Thomas hoped that Lily wouldn't suffer too much from the loss of her mother, but he wasn't fooling himself either, she would at some point. He made himself the promise that his daughter would never ever let her forget her mom.
The night wasn't cold. And Thomas was thankful for it.
Walking a few steps farther, and sat on the grass, he brought his knees a bit closer to his chest encircling them with his arms. And looked in front of him he sighed heavily as once more his mind was full of memories of Michelle.
She was so beautiful. When he had first seen her, he had suddenly forgotten how to breathe, and then they'd married in the middle of the Vietnam War. The same country where she'd died or so he thought.
She had begged Buck Green to set up her death because she had found out a week before they were supposed to leave, that her husband was still alive - making her wedding with Thomas invalid for the state and church law. And also because to her, it was the only way to protect him; she wanted him to be safe.
Sure he had been safe, he was alive and had made himself a life without her, but inside he had been broken because he thought he had lost her. As he thought of Michelle, he remembered the night they'd conceived Lily-Catherine, the most wonderful night of his life and he would cherish it until his last breath - that Thomas knew for sure. It had been seven years now and he could still smell her perfume and see her and feel her in his arms as if it had just happened, but he could also remember the morning after when all he had found was one his shirts left on the wicker chair, and a letter that he still knew every single word from:
Some people have a lifetime to love, but you and I seem destined to have but a few moments, yet I know no one on God's earth can love more than we have.
I do what I must. To do otherwise would destroy not only me, but eventually our love, please try to understand that. I know that I have loved you since the first day I saw you, I will continue to love you until the last day of my life and beyond.
Something Higgins had told him once echoed in his mind then. "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Well, personally, Magnum doubted that. Love is the strongest, most powerful feeling on earth, but it's also one that can destroy you.
Since Michelle, Tom hadn't really loved since. Yeah, women had entered his life, but they'd exited it almost as rapidly. Though he had to admit that there were some he really cared about and that had a special place in his heart, like Adelaide Malone. She was kind and sweet and she had said a sentence to him before she left, he'd never forget: The kindest eyes I've ever seen, Thomas Magnum, private investigator. And damn she could kiss. There was Cynthia Ferrell, he almost married her. There had also been Linda Lee Ellison, the news reporter he had met the day of his fortieth birthday. It didn't happen and thinking about it, Thomas decided it was a good thing it didn't happen after all.
Not that it wouldn't have worked, but the ghost of Michelle would have always been between them somehow. According to his little inner voices that's why he couldn't be in a serious relationship with a woman.
He wanted something he couldn't recreate because the love he'd shared with Michelle was the kind of love that happened only once in a lifetime. If one day he met a woman that he might love enough to marry, she would have to accept Michelle and not try to chase her out of his life, because that was something that would never happen.
There was nothing he could do to change the past. All he had left of the love of his life were wonderful memories and pictures of their lost happiness. Magnum knew he had to let the sun go down on this part of his life, and he would, but he wouldn't accomplish that in one day, he would need time.
What mattered now was his daughter, Lilly Catherine, and he would dedicate the rest of his life to her, and her education, in the hope she would become a wonderful human being just like her mom had been. Magnum knew it would be difficult sometimes, but he also knew he could count on his friends, Rick, Terry, Higgins, and Carol, because no matter what would happened in their future life, he had no doubt they would always be there for one another.
Thomas slightly jumped as he was called out of his thoughts by his daughter. "Hmm, yes, honey?" He said smiling before kissing her cheek affectionately.
He set himself so then that she could come and sit in between his legs, her back leaning against his chest.
They settled in a comforting silence for a couple of minutes before Lily told her father softy.
"I love you, daddy."
"I love you, too, sweetie." He replied caressing her cheek lightly with two fingers.
Lily Catherine's next words surprised him, and made his eyes water.
"And mommy loved you too daddy, she always did." The little girl told him as she turned around, stood on her knees and threw her arms around his neck.
Thomas hugged her back automatically, and closed his eyes.
Lily was living proof of their eternal love.
The last gift and the most precious gift Michelle had giving him.
A soft breeze tinkled the air then, and they could both ear Michelle murmuring to them.
I'll love you both forever and always.