Food Poisoning Does NOT Rule
Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the WWE.
Summary: After failing at trying to get away with it, Edge and Christian learn just how uncool food poisoning can be.
Characters: Edge and Christian, feat. the Hardys
Author's Note: Just a fun little oneshot inspired by old segments of my favorite tag team. A tribute of sorts to Edge and Christian. Enjoy!
Adam "Edge" Copeland entered the arena with his best friend and tag team partner, Jay "Christian" Reso, Matt and Jeff Hardy, their friends but also their opponents for that night, close behind. The two teams had spent the day together after their workouts, having lunch at a Chinese restaurant before heading to the arena for the house show.
"Lunch was fun, guys, thanks for the invite," the older of the two Hardy brothers said while they headed toward their respective locker rooms. Jeff nodded in agreement.
"Well, thanks for coming," Adam replied with a smile. "Chinese is always good."
Jay laughed a little. "You can say that again," he agreed.
Jeff glanced at him, an amused smile on his face. "You ate quite a bit, Man," he muttered. "You sure you're going to be okay for the show tonight?"
"Please." Jay smirked, tightening his ponytail before patting his abdomen. "I have a cast iron stomach. I'll be just fine."
"You'd better be," Adam told him as they reached their locker room. "We gotta beat these two clowns tonight."
Matt crossed his arms in mock annoyance. "And we need you in top shape so we can beat you fair and square," he countered. "Don't want to win on a fluke."
Adam laughed as he turned back to him. "You're funny, Hardy," he said. "See you guys out there."
"Yep! See you in a bit."
Jay and Adam entered their locker room as the Hardy brothers continued walking down the hallway to get to theirs, setting their bags down on the bench. "Cast iron stomach, Jay?" the latter asked with a chuckle.
"Hey, it's true," Jay answered in his defense, pulling his ring gear out of his bag. "Be out in a minute."
"Okay." Adam watched as his best friend disappeared through the door of the joint room to change before he pulled his t-shirt over his head and changed into his tights. He packed his casual clothes into his bag before sitting on the bench, about to put his boots on.
He had gotten one on before the door crashed open, and Adam quickly looked up in time to see his tag team partner in ring gear run across the room and push through the other door into the hallway. "Jay?" he called after him, getting to his feet and limping toward the door, his second boot in hand. He left the room, spotting the other man running around the corner, and made his way as fast as he could in the same direction. "Jay!"
A door on his left opened, and the Hardys, wearing their typical black jeans and shirts, stepped out into the hallway. "What's going on?" Matt wondered with confusion.
Adam cursed under his breath as he leaned against the wall to try to get his other boot on. "I don't know," he replied. "Jay just ran out of the room. I have no idea where he's going."
"Is he okay?" Jeff pressed, his eyes narrowing slightly with concern.
"He didn't say anything to me," Adam said, his boot finally on securely. "Let's go see."
They made their way down the rest of the hall, keeping an eye out for any sign of their missing friend. When they went around the corner, they saw only one door ahead of them, which was the bathroom.
"Jay?" Adam slowly approached the door and knocked a couple times. "Jay, you okay, buddy?"
"Don't come in here!" Jay's voice floated through the door. "I-I'm okay..."
Adam exchanged a worried look with the Hardy brothers. He had known Jay for years, and he could tell something was off. "Look, Man, if you don't come out in the next couple minutes..."
Before he could finish what he was going to say, the door to the bathroom opened and Jay stepped out, wavering slightly. His pale face had a thin layer of sweat on it, and his eyes were dim. "No need. I said I'm okay," he muttered, wiping at his mouth a little.
"You don't look so good," Matt pointed out, raising an eyebrow. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, you look awful," Jeff added, being a bit more blunt. "Were you sick or something, Man?"
Jay sighed quietly as he turned his tired eyes to his best friend. "Uh... well..."
Adam got the message. "Well, Jay, whatever happened, you're clearly in no shape to be in a match tonight," he said, placing his arm around his shoulders. "Com on. I'll bring you back to the hotel."
"But what about Vince...?" Jay began to ask. The chairman wasn't necessarily the most understanding man in the world.
But Adam brushed his concern aside. "Matt and Jeff will take care of it," he assured him, ignoring the startled looks on the brothers' faces. "You need some sleep. See you guys!"
The Hardys were left standing by the bathroom, only watching with slightly wide eyes as Adam led Jay away from them. "Uh... bye," the older one muttered.
"I'm not telling Vince," Jeff immediately said once the two were gone. "Have fun, Matt." Then, with that, the younger Hardy also disappeared down the hallway.
"Cast iron stomach, huh, Jay?" Adam asked as he drove away from the arena. After quickly changing back to their street clothes, he wanted to get his obviously sick best friend back to the hotel as soon as he could.
"Maybe not so much..." Jay answered quietly, resting his head against the cool window. "Something I ate must not have agreed with me."
Despite himself, Adam couldn't help but chuckle at the situation. "You know, looking back on it, I don't think we could have recreated food poisoning," he muttered. "I mean, Jeff was right. You do look terrible, buddy."
Jay glanced over at him with annoyance. "Thanks for that, Adam..."
Adam looked back at him, shaking his head slightly as his smile lingered. "I mean, our excuse totally failed," he continued. "And then a little while later, you get food poisoning. Don't you see the irony in that? I guess that's karma for you..."
"Ha ha, very funny."
"Just stating the obvious."
They drove for a little while in silence, the radio playing softly in the background the only source of sound in the car. But then, Jay groaned.
"What's wrong?" Adam said.
Jay took a deep breath. "Can you drive a little faster, Adam?" he wondered, his tone wavering. "Or... pull over, or something..."
Adam glanced at him, seeing the other man's face had grown at least two shades paler. It didn't take him long to realize what he was getting at. "Ah, come on, Man, can't you wait? We're almost there!"
But Jay quickly shook his head. "It's not like I can exactly stop it..."
Cursing under his breath, Adam sped his pace a little as he went through a yellow light. "Damn it, Jay, I swear, if you throw up in my car..." But then, he pulled over to the side of the road next to a garbage can.
Jay was out even before the car completely came to a stop, going right over to the garbage can. Adam put the car in park and climbed out, making his way over to his best friend. He pulled his long blond hair back from his face and held it while the other man was violently sick, rubbing his back a little as he looked away and tried not to listen too much.
A couple minutes later, Jay stepped back as Adam did the same, taking a few deep breaths. "Not so funny now, huh, Adam?" he wondered when the other man released his hair.
Adam sighed, patting his shoulder a couple times. "Let's just get you back to the hotel," he replied.
The rest of the drive went without any more near accidents since they were so close to the hotel. Adam bought a bottled water and a bottle of 7-UP from the lobby before helping his tag team partner into the elevator as they went up to their room on the second floor. Jay immediately took his shoes off and got comfortable under the sheets of his bed, the other man setting the two drinks on the nightstand next to him.
"All right. The soda would be good for your stomach," Adam stated as he sat down on the second bed. "And the water... well, that's just there if you want it and don't feel like soda. And if you need to... do what you have to with this food poisoning, you know where the bathroom is."
"Thank you," Jay muttered, closing his eyes. But then, he opened them again as he turned to look at his best friend. "Oh, and, Adam?"
Adam looked back at him after he took his shoes off too. "Yeah?" he wondered.
A slight smirk appeared on Jay's face. "Just so you know, food poisoning does not rule."
Author's Note: Again, just a fun little oneshot and tribute of sorts to my favorite tag team. Thanks for reading! Your reviews are much appreciated. Thank you!