The One with the Unrealistic Plotlines

By phoenixgirl23

DISCLAIMER: House is the property of FOX

AN. Hello, all. I know it's been ages since I wrote a Hameron fic, and that's due to a couple of reasons. First, the show annoys me now and the lack of Hameron on screen does not inspire me to write Hameron much anymore. Plus, after realising pretty much all the 28 or so stories I've written for this site so far are House, I wanted to expand a little and challenge myself by writing new genres.

So, a Harry/Hermione fic and a WICKED Fiyeraba fic later, here we are. Plus, I'm obsessed with WICKED right now, so I really wanted to try and write one. But, this has been floating around on my computer for a while now, so I thought I'd finish it. There's a few more unfinished Hameron fics I'll get around to finishing one day, but I really want to try and write different stuff.

So, this story is a little silly, just some light fun. I almost put it under the Humour genre, but I don't think it's actually funny. Anyway, enjoy!


The bride and groom stood at the altar, both glowing with happiness as they stood with their hands entwined before the minister.

"If anyone knows why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, may they speak now or forever hold their peace."

The groom shot a sudden nervous look over the bride's shoulder at the maid of honour, who was watching the ceremony with tear-filled eyes.

"I object!"

The surprising announcement made everyone turn to the back of the church, as a young man, bleeding and covered in mud and scratches limped up the aisle. The bride was utterly bewildered as she approached the stranger.

"Who are you?" she demanded angrily, furious that this man had interrupted her wedding.

The man didn't answer her, instead smiled sardonically at the groom and the maid of honour, both looking shell-shocked.

"Surprised to see me here, Luke? Bet you and Maria thought it would be so easy to get me out of the way, and your little secret would go unnoticed, huh?"

"Luke?" the bride asked the groom, confused.

"I- I don't know what he's talking about, Nessa," he swore, his face drained of colour.

"Nessarose, they've been lying to you," the other man told the bride to the surprise of the guests.

"Luke's only marrying you for your father's fortune. Unfortunately, that hasn't stopped him from sleeping with your best friend and getting her pregnant!"

Everyone turned to the maid of honour, who abruptly fainted dead away into the arms of the groom.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me!"

House looked away from the television screen and turned to his exasperated girlfriend, who was rolling her eyes at the screen.

"It's ok, it's not Luke's baby," House assured her and Cameron rolled her eyes again.

"How can you watch this crap? It's completely unrealistic!"

"Oh, sure when compared to Harry Potter," House retorted. "Which reminds me, if you could grab me a Butterbeer, that'd be great."

Cameron glared at him. "Shut up. You haven't even read Harry Potter... and that's totally different."

"How, pray tell?"

"Harry Potter is fantasy," Cameron argued. "That's the point of the series! Soap operas are a load of crap."

"They're not all crap," House replied, but when Cameron merely raised an eyebrow at him pointedly, he shrugged and didn't argue.

"It's a soap opera, Allison. They're not supposed to be realistic... if they were, it wouldn't be any fun to watch."

She laughed. "Please, I've seen you and Wilson in the cafeteria gossiping about everyone like two little old ladies. You love watching people."

House grinned. "Only the stupid ones... which is pretty much everyone, right?"

Cameron giggled again. "Seriously, why do you watch these shows?" she demanded.

House shrugged. "The fact that all these storylines are so ridiculously outrageous is what makes them fun."

"I watch plenty of TV shows with realistic plotlines that I enjoy, because they are realistic," Cameron said and House snorted.

"Really? Which shows are they? Ghost Whisperer, Charmed or Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

Cameron threw a pillow at him. "Shut up! I watch more shows than those!"

"Name one show you watch with realistic plotlines?" House demanded, his attention now completely diverted from the TV.

Cameron only thought about it for a moment. "F.R.I.E.N.D.S"

Again, House snorted. "Really? What's so realistic about a group of people in their thirties who are able to spend the majority of their time in a coffeehouse?"

She rolled her eyes. "The storylines are realistic, even if the concept of the show isn't."


Cameron cast her mind around for one, and recalled the episode she had been watching the previous day.

"OK, the episode where Rachel and Joey swap books. I do that all the time with my friends."

"Lucky guess," House grumbled. House wasn't one to admit defeat lightly or often, even over something as simple as sitcom storylines.

"Ok, I have an experiment," he announced and Cameron waited expectantly. "Let's pickā€¦four plotlines from F.R.I.E.N.D.S and we'll see if they really are realistic."

Cameron narrowed her eyes slightly as she considered this. "They have to be B or C plotlines though, not the main episode storyline," she added and House shrugged.


She grinned at her boyfriend, clearly confident with the outcome of this experiment. "What do I get when I win?"

House was thoughtful for a moment. "If I win... you have to watch all my soaps with me every day for a month!" he declared, and if Cameron hadn't been so sure of herself, she would have groaned.

"Fine. If I win, we're going to watch all the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings movies, and you're not going to complain once about how all this stuff could never happen."

House made a face. He and Cameron had been together for a year now, and the few parts of the Harry Potter movies he had seen, he'd come away with bruises up and down his arms. Every time he mentioned the impossibility of something, Cameron would pinch him.

"Fine," he conceded reluctantly. Then he held out his hand for her to shake. "Deal?"

Cameron grinned. "Deal," she agreed, shaking his hand.

Then she laughed. "This is going to be fun," she said happily, immediately getting up and going to find her F.R.I.E.N.D.S DVDs to start looking for ideas.

House smiled to himself as he settled back in to watch his soaps. It would be fun, he supposed, but he was just glad to find out how it ended between Luke and Nessarose, now that she knew about Maria's pregnancy.