Paranoid

dedicated to jenjen

I don't own Blue Gender nor its characters. This deals with m/m and f/f relationships. If you can't handle that, please leave this fic. I do not own this song, the lyrics, nor the artist who sing it. I wouldn't want to anyway...



Yuji reached for his room door's handle. He pushed it weakly and entered. He then threw is clothes on the floor and headed for the shower. A warm and soothing shower would do him wonders after a long day out walking with his friend. Nothing is worse than being around so many happy people and being depressed.
The water beat down on Yuji's face and the steam surrounded him. He let out a sigh and massaged the shampoo into his hair. Then, he felt strong arms wrap around his waist and a body up against his back. Yuji spun around with a smile that turned into a frown when he found absolutely nothing or no one behind him.

Do you remember
How we'd hold each other tight


Yuji finished rinsing, turned off the water and dried himself off. He stepped out of the shower and looked into the mirror. Wiping the steam off, he gazed at the reflection. It was not his own. The reflection had blue hair tied with a bandana and striking blue eyes. He jumped back in surprise and blinked. When he did so, it was back to being himself in the glass, not Joey.
He then dressed himself for bed. After crawling into his lonely bed and closed his eyes he felt so cold. He cried himself dry. The pillow on which he lay was soaked with salty tears and Yuji was extremely worn out. Just as his body relaxed, those same arms touched him. Yuji jumped up to see if it was Joey. But there was no one there so Yuji sobbed with dry tears.

It was all I had
To get me through the night
I can't believe that you are gone
Everything right, it all went wrong


"Yuji. Yuji wake up. Kaidou Yuji, get out that bed this instant!"
Yuji slowly opened his eyes. Before him, stood Marlene Angel. She wasn't going to put up with her friend moping around like this and sleeping all day for the rest of his life.
"Hey Marlene. How are you this lovely afternoon? Do you have your little love slave with you this time?"
"Her name is Minnie and she is not my love slave. She is my girlfriend and I am happy, as well as she is, to share a bed with her."
Yuji zoned out and into a memory. Joey was holding his hand and they were getting many glances. The couple didn't care, it was their first date and they just smiled at each other. Joey brushed his lips to Yuji's. That was their first kiss. Then, out of the blue, Joey whispered, 'I love you.'

Do you remember
How we kissed
You said you never felt like this


When Yuji came back to reality, he was dressed and walking down the same street as in his flashback. Marlene and Minnie were right in front of him. He stared at the girls who were laughing and giggling. He cringed and his face went sour. He sensed a presence behind him and got a whiff of a familiar sweet scent. Yuji perked his head up and spoke.
"Joey... You're following me aren't you," he whispered to himself, " If you are, know one thing... I still, and always will, love you."

I guess I thought it'd never end
You know you were my best friend


"What are you mumbling about back there," Minnie asked Yuji.
"I... umm... I was wondering where we are going. If that's not too much to ask."
The girls sighed and that they were all headed to Robert's apartment. Yuji wanted to lose himself in the crowded street. They passed a café where he and Joey used to go to all the time. He slipped inside as tears began forming in his eyes. Yuji sat in the corner table, their usual spot.
A perky waitress took his order and the red bows tied around her buns bounced as she walked away. She brought back his mocha coffee. He glared down into the chocolate colored liquid. There was a water droplet surrounded by rings. These droplets were tears from Yuji's eyes.
"You are following me Joey. I can feel you. I love you so much that I can always sense your presence when you are around."
The wind whispered a soft, 'I know, I love you,' to him. And this led the young man to just sob more. He didn't even notice the people staring at him or care where he was or who saw him cry.

I cried - And I don't care who knows it
I cried - I ain't too proud to show it
I cried - When you said goodbye


Yuji peeked his head out of the door after drying his tears and paying. Marlene, Minnie, and Robert were across the street calling out his name. He ducked down and swiped some guy's black top hat. The man yelled at him but was too slow to catch Yuji. Yuji was running as fast as he could back to his apartment building. He collapsed on the couch and sighed.
"Joey? You remember how you and me used to do that all the time? We snuck away from the group and our families so many times. We stole from people to get our disguises. It was the most fun I've ever had. Maybe... just maybe we ca do that again sometime. You there? You hear me, Joey?"

I wonder
If you ever think of me
Or am I just a distant memory


"He doesn't belong there. I've known Yuji since we were infants! Yuji is not like that. He is just having some problems that he will work through right now."
"But Marlene, please understand. Yuji needs help with his problem. It is our job as his friends to get him that help. Not anything too drastic, just something small. We could take him for therapy."
"No Robert, I will not go for that. I refuse to believe that Yuji cannot handle this himself. He is strong; he will be perfectly fine. I've saw him like this before."
"Marlene...." Minnie whispered as she placed a hand on her girlfriend's leg. Marlene started sobbing uncontrollably. She knew Yuji needed help, but she just didn't want to admit it. They all agreed to do something soon, really soon.

And after all we've been through
It's just so hard
To give up on you


They next thing that Kaidou Yuji knew, he was in a room that was painted in white. The couch upon which he sat was cranberry red and a ceiling fan hummed in the silence. He didn't know where he was or why his friends brought him there. They were all talking to this woman with thin, black framed glasses and a bun in her brunette hair. She chewed on a pen cap and wrote on some paper. He white coat gave away that she was a doctor if any of the other stuff didn't. Yuji got nervous at what his friends were doing. Where they putting him in a hospital? He wasn't crazy. He wasn't crazy!!
He stood up with a violent look in eyes. Two men that he didn't notice standing next to him each grabbed an arm. Yuji was a mixture of confused, hurt, and angry. The men proceeded to take him to a room with a bed and a window. They took his shoelaces and left him in the room by himself. The bed sheet had teddy bears on it. What kind of Hell was this? Yuji had never felt so emotionally torn in his life. He collapsed on the bed and cried his eyes out. He wasn't crazy!!!!!

I cried - And I don't care who knows it
I cried - I ain't too proud to show it
I cried - when you said goodbye I cried


"JOEY!! JOEY WHERE ARE YOU??!! Why won't you come and get me.... why won't you come. I... I love you, Joey."
Men rushed into the room. It had been over three months since Yuji was admitted to the Psychiatric Institute called Harbor Oaks[1]. Everyday his situation got worse. They finally had to move his room to a soundproof one with his strapped down the bed. Marlene, Robert, and Keith all stopped visiting. The only one that came was Minnie, and that was only about every two weeks. The men inserted a needle into Yuji's arm and pushed the liquid in. Yuji almost immediately calmed down. He silently sobbed.
"Joey.... Joey.... Joey........" he said over and over again.
The men shook their heads at him and exited the room. They locked the door behind them. The doctor with the glasses and the bun watch Yuji from a window on the door. She stared on with tears starting to well up in her eyes. It was just so sad to watch this young man torment his own mind. And she still couldn't find out who this Joey was.

I cried - And I don't care who knows it
I cried - I ain't too proud to show it
I cried - When you said goodbye


The woman doctor searched through file after newspaper for information connecting Kaidou Yuji with someone named Joey. Finally a newspaper clipping came up on the computer screen. She gasped at what she read. The article was horrible. Now she knew what happened to this boy Joey and what his connection to Yuji was. A tear fell down her face as she read.
March 21, 2002 - On February 14th of this year a terrible accident claimed four lives. It was all do to a drunk driver. Two boys were celebrating their love for each other and had one too many drinks. That was their first mistake. The second was getting behind the wheel of their black sports car. The driver, Kaidou Yuji, ran a red light and slammed into a red minivan. It killed the driver, Inoue Hiroki, and the back seat passenger, a 9-year-old girl named Inoue Jun. The front passenger, Inoue Keiko, of the minivan didn't die immediately but later in hospital from internal bleeding. The passenger of the black sports car, Heald Joey, did die immediately. The only survivor of this accident was Kaidou Yuji. He was supposed be charged with three counts of second degree murder and one count of manslaughter but found legally insane. Further word of this case shall be released in the future.

Tears rolled down the doctor's face in constant streams. She put all of it together. Now she knew why her patient was the way he is. She figured out why he called out for Joey all the time and why he was always asking if he was still there and still following him. It must be the hardest thing that anyone has ever went through. The doctor blew her nose and dried her eyes. She looked over at the monitor that she forgot to check up on. She clicked over to room 96, Kaidou Yuji and put the sound on. She was appalled by what she witnessed. The young man had broken the straps around his wrists and was bleeding from them immensely. He was reaching out to the sky and sobbing. Blood trickled down his arms at an alarmingly fast rate. Then he screamed out his last words before collapsing on the bed.
"JOEY!! YOU NEVER CAME! But that's ok, I know you would if you could... I still love you. I'll be seeing you.

I cried, I cried, I cried
When you said goodbye
I cried.

1 - Harbor Oaks is a real place. I had some 'nice' experiences there.

I hope you all liked.... R&R