Disclaimer: I do not own Catch-22, all characters belong to Joseph Heller.

Yossarian slid down his chair until his nose hit the table, then promptly sat back up again only to allow himself to slide back down. He liked the sound of the thumping his face was creating against the furniture. It reminded him drums in a parade. "Cut it out, Yossarian!" Screamed Dunbar. His friend only smiled and continued with his new hobby. "I mean it, cut it out man!"

"I think he means it, Yossarian." Warned Nately through a full mouth of food. "This man's crazy and he'll really give it to you if you don't quit it."

"I'm not crazy, he's the crazy one!" Dunbar pointed at Yossarian. "That man is certifiably crazy! I-N-S-A-N-E! That spells CRAZY!"

"No it does-" began Nately.

"Yep. Yossarian's totally nuts!" Added Orr. "You know he won't even fly with me? I keep asking him too, but he just won't do it. I'd keep him safe, though. Yep, safe as safe can be." Yossarian sat up.

"You can't be serious! Your plane crashes every time you put your hands on the controls. There's absolutely no way I'm getting in a plane with you!"

"You're so cute, you know?" Orr teased as he hugged his friend. "Won't even step foot in my plane, no sir." His ramblings trailed off until he was silent. He stared patiently at his food, waiting for it to talk to him.

"What is it exactly that keeps you from flying with Orr?" Asked Nately. Yossarian watched as Dunbar flicked peas at Orr's head. "Yossarian? Why won't you-"

"I just told you, the man is psychotic! He always crashes! My life is too important to be wasted on some apple-cheeked maniac's feelings."

"Just like little bullets…" mumbled Dunbar as he shot a pea into the center of Orr's forehead. "Dead just like that." Orr slammed forward onto the table with a thunk. Dunbar screamed.

"What's happened?" Shouted a pilot from across the room. A crowd surged forward to the crime scene.

"He's dead!" Another one screamed. Men wailed and ran for cover from the mysterious enemy at hand. Bullets were fired in all directions. One hit Milo in the arm as he tried to take cover from the massacre.

Yossarian hid under the table with Dunbar. "At least I'm not the only crazy one in this joint." But his friend wasn't listening for he was too busy stabbing the doctor in the leg with his spoon.

I hope you enjoyed it. This is just supposed to be a silly story. I hope you didn't learn anything! ^_^