Hello everyone! Wow, this little project is actually quite old...I started writing this very soon after I finished with my three-shot Peaceful. It's actually written in the same style, except THIS time...it's from Sasuke's mind! XD

I must say, it's rather fun imagining all these thoughts running on behind a stoic face! :P

Anyway, this is more of a side project, but I hope you enjoy it anyway, and if you enjoyed the way Peaceful was written, then this should be fun for you! ^_^


This...this was not a part of my job description.



This isn't happening. It can't be happening. It's way too crazy. Someone must've slipped something into my beer when I wasn't looking.

Because this wasn't in my job description.


"...Teme, you okay?"

Shut up! Don't talk! I need time to...process...


God, give me rabid, wild animals! Give me dangerous criminals and deadly assassins! Give me fucking natural disasters! Give me babysitting duties!

Anything! Fucking anything!

"Sasuke? Hello, are you in there?"

Fucking anything but this!


Oh, so I do have a voice box now.

Oh, he's angry. But...it looks weird when his face is still so flushed and red. He's still embarrassed.

"You asshole! You weren't even listening!"

Oh I wish.

But unfortunately I heard you loud and clear, dobe.

"How long?" Might as well start the 'talk' part.

"Huh?" ...Idiot.

"How long have you known you were...gay?"

Oh man, it's really hard to say it. I mean, come on! I've known Naruto since I was thirteen! Before then even! And now, after ten or more years of friendship, when I think I know the guy, he comes along and tells me he's fucking gay?

Someone up there hates me.

"Uh...since...since that solo mission I went on last year."

Okay, you know in those anime series? When a character hears something incredibly disturbing, they go all white and their shirts slip off their shoulders a bit?

Yeah...that's what I presently look like.

I mean, he's got to be kidding me!

A whole year? A whole bloody year and he only comes out now?


Oh my God.



I feel...violated.

"Teme, why are you blushing?"

Hmm, I wonder?


"Dobe! Why didn't you say something sooner?"

He's thinking it over...



... "Don't hurt yourself dobe."

"Fuck you teme."



"...Teme, not like that. I'm not into you, so you can relax."

Oh good...


Why the hell not? What's wrong with me?

"Are you saying I'm unattractive?"

"What? No! Of course not! You're perfectly fine, Sasuke."

"Just fine?" So I was just wasting my money with all those fucking mail order products after all.

"Ugh! You're hot, okay! You're a sexy guy and you're very dreamy and such."

That's right. And don't you forge-



"So you do want to screw me!"

"NO! Dammit Sasuke, stop twisting my words around!"

Okay, breathe. Inhale and exhale and repeat.

Wow, this is hard.

This isn't in my job description. I shouldn't have to deal with this!

Ah...let me take a sip of beer, and calm down. I need to think straight. I need to focus.




Focus. Focus, Uchiha!

"So, what do you think? Sasuke?"

What do I think?

I think I'm going to go need therapy.

"It's fine."

I always was a good bullshitter.

"Really? So you're not mad or anything?"

Mad? Why would I be mad? All he did was lie about one of the biggest things ever and then drag me out of the comfort of my home only to turn everything I knew about him upside down and henceforth shatter my image of our friendship and send me into a pit of endless confusion and empty despair.

"No. I'm not mad."

I'm fucking furious!

"I'm so glad. I wanted to tell you so many times, but...I was always scared that you'd...stop talking to me."


Well shit. Now I feel like an asshole.



Well, more so than usual.

"Dobe. We're friends, remember? You can trust me and tell me shit like this."

"Thanks Sasuke. You're the best."

"I know I am."

"Cocky bastard."

Familiar routine. Just what I need.

"Hey, hey...can I ask you a favour, Sasuke?"


He's probably going to ask if he can borrow a jutsu scroll or something. He still hasn't given back the last one-

"Can you convince Neji to go on a date with me?"






"Neji. I've had a crush on him for a while now and...I really want to go on a date with him. And since you're his friend I thought maybe... you know."

No. No I really don't know.

Fuck, can this day get any worse?

"But, if you can't, then I guess I can go with Kiba. He asked me out yesterday, but I told him to wait."

...Whoever is up there must be laughing their omnipresent asses off. This is so not fair.

"W-wait. Hold on a moment. You're saying Kiba's gay?"

"He's bi-sexual."

Huh. You learn something new every day.

"But...I don't know if Neji's...on that side of the fence."

Why's he looking at me like that? I don't like it.

It's a sort of 'you-poor-ignorant-thing' kind of look.

"Sasuke. Neji is as gay as they get. You can just tell."

No you can't! He's not gay! He can't be gay!

"How do you know?"


Well of course I can't tell! I'm sure I don't have that little feature installed!


Damn, this isn't my day. What should I do?

"So will you help me out? Come on Sasuke, please?"


Shit. He's using the puppy dog face.


"...Fine. I'll talk to him."



No! Get away! Don't!

"Thank you Sasuke!"

"Dobe, get off."

I don't like hugs! I'm not the hugger in this relationship.

Wait... that sounded bad!

In this friendship! That's it, we're just friends.

Only friends.


Okay, weird, slightly painful feelings in chest area are never good. Maybe I should go and see Tsunade?

"I can't wait! Can you go to him now? Please?"

Geez, is he that impatient to get laid?


Oh God the images!

Must. Not. Think!


Oh mercy on my soul.

I need more beer.

"Dobe, give me a beer."

I really need more beer. My mind is starting to betray me!

"Sure. Here."

A sweet nectar of forgetting! Please, deem my poor soul worthy of your amnesia inducing skills and grant me freedom from this nightmare!


Ah...that's the stuff.

What was I talking about again?

"So, Sasuke, can we go find Neji now?"



No! No no no! Come back to me, amnesia!

Don't leave me here!


Oh why! Why?

What have I done to deserve this cruelty?

Is it because of that cat I refused to help out of the tree when I was seven? Come on, that tree was big and I was scared of heights back then!

Or maybe because I kicked that baby?

But in my defence, that baby was actually a rogue ninja in disguise, so I had to kick it.

"Well, he's not here! Where else should we look, Sasuke?"

I don't know! He's your boyfriend!



Tsunade can explain that strange pain in my chest, I'm sure. I'd better make an appointment with her soon.

"Hey look over there!"

Oh great, Lee.

If Naruto thinks that I'm going to stop my inner musings just to ask some bushy browed freak of nature, with spandex included, about the whereabouts of that long haired, pale eyed gay-man that he's going to giggle and swoon over like my old fan girls, then he's got another thing coming!

"Hello Sasuke-kun!"

"Hey Lee. Do you know where Neji is?"


Oh shut up. Naruto asked me to ask him. He's my best friend.


Who is gay...


And who has a crush on Neji...


...I need another beer.

XD I like this Sasuke...he was fun to write! :P I need to get into his head more often! Hahaha..

Hope you enjoyed. More will come along...when it comes along. 8D

Reviews make the reader! (and bribe the author to write more)