I don't have enough words to express how sorry I am for not posting any chapters in a while. I'm really sorry
I DO NOT OWN JUNJO ROMANTICA!
I heard someone clear their throat. I open my eyes quickly, turning my head so Usagi could stop kissing me.
"Good morning Takahashi Misaki. I see that you're feeling better today. My name is Dr. Asano. I am one of the psychiatrist here at the hospital. " He shut the door behind him. I didn't recognize this doctor. He seemed to be a little older than Usagi with dark hair and dark eyes. I became a little nervous. He took a seat next to the bed. I noticed that Usagi seemed annoyed, but then he took his seat on the other side of me. I watched as the doctor started flipping through papers from his clipboard. The silence was getting to me as time went by. Every few seconds, Usagi would squeeze my hand with reassurance.
"Well Misaki," he began, "looking over your chart, you seem to be in good health. What is a bright boy such as yourself doing here?"
I gulped. I glanced at Dr. Asano and then at Usagi nervously. Everyone knew why I was here. Do I really have to explain myself again? Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth to speak but closed it.
"It's ok," Usagi whispered, "I'm here no matter what." Squeezing my hand once more, he smiled. I could tell that he was forcing that smile. Even though he didn't blame himself, this wasn't easy to handle. Because of my carelessness, I freaked him out.
"Umm…I," my voice was shaking but I kept going. "I'm h-here because…I had hurt myself." I whispered that last part and I'm hoping he heard me. He stared at me for a few more seconds and then started scribbling down on his clipboard. He paused and looked back up again.
"How did you hurt yourself?" He asked. He had his pen ready in hand to jot down my next response. And of course I felt my chest tighten as I didn't want to answer that question. I sighed as if it was something for me to do and hesitated. The seconds dragged by.
"Do you think you could step outside for a moment?" Dr. Asano said to Usagi. Both Usagi and I were taken aback a bit.
"I refuse to leave him," Usagi said.
"It's only going to be a few minutes. Just long enough for him and I can talk."
"There isn't anything he can't say in front of me. Isn't that right Misaki?" When I didn't answer, refusing to look at his face, Usagi slowly released my hand. "I guess I will step outside."
"N-No, please." Don't leave me again I thought. Suddenly I felt his hand ruffle my hair. That familiar touch sent tingles through my body.
"I promised that I wouldn't." he smiled and exited the room.
"Okay Misaki," Dr. Asano resumed, "how did you hurt yourself?"
Why was it so difficult to say? I mean I had told the nurses earlier so it shouldn't be this hard, right? But…I did tell someone when I told myself I wouldn't. The first person who I had confided in was Nowaki, and I didn't have a choice since I forgot to lock the bathroom door and he walked and saw everything. I felt so stupid but I really thought I could trust him. Then everything went downhill from there. The fact that I told my secret to strangers rather than Usagi, it hurt me. I mean, I was afraid of his reactions. If I had a choice, I would have never told anyone but that wasn't the case. Usagi found out from other people and it was upsetting for the both of us.
"Could you please untie me? It's uncomfortable." If I had to tell why I was here, again, I should at least be able to feel some comfort while I'm here. Dr. Asano looked at me with questioning eyes, hesitating, but I sighed with relief as he set his clipboard down and began to undo the straps. When he was finished, I was able to sit up properly. My body was slightly stiff but I was happy to be able to move again.
"Are you going to answer my question?" He resumed with pen and clipboard in his hand. Taking a deep breath, I began to tell him.
"I…" Come on! You can do this! I thought as I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I started…cutting myself."
"When you did you start cutting yourself?" He didn't look at me when he asked which gave me some relief as I continued speaking.
"I started…maybe a few days ago, maybe a week, I'm not sure." My face flushed. I'm here in the hospital because I couldn't control myself. I'm so stupid.
"Could you tell me why you were cutting yourself?"
"Um…I don't know. I guess it was for…different reasons." I stared out the window as I said this while fumbling with the blanket at hand. I couldn't look at his face. I didn't want to see his expression,
"Well, how about telling me some of those reasons. Perhaps we can work together and help relieve yourself from some of those problems?"
As he waited for a response, my stomach growled. That was embarrassing. I heard a light laugh and realized Dr. Asano got up from his seat.
"How about I let you eat something first. After you eat, I'll come back and we can talk again. Sounds good?" I nodded and he left the room. As soon as he was gone, Usagi came into the room. He rushed to my side and gave me a hug, a real one this time.
"Don't worry. I'm going to get you out of here." I wanted to tell him that I was happy that he came back for me, but I just kept silent. I felt as if my head was about to explode. Too many thoughts ran through my head. How did I let myself be in this situation? Not only does Usagi know, but so does Nowaki and the Devil Kamijou. If Nii-chan found out…
"Usagi-san, does my….my brother know about this?"
He quickly answered as he could see the terror in my eyes. "No he doesn't. I don't think he should know about this." He said this without hesitation.
All I could do was nod. If he ever found out about this, he would start asking me questions why I was doing this in the first place and probably blame Usagi since I'm living with him. He'll probably take me away to live with him…and I'll never see Usagi again.
"Misaki did you hear me?" I snapped away from my thoughts.
"Did that doctor say when you can leave?"
"N-No. He said that I could eat something first and would be back to ask me more questions." Usagi was clearly angry.
"I'm not going to wait that long. For that we can leave and you could eat at home. I can order something so you can relax."
"I don't know I'll be released that soon because—"
"You cannot stay here. You belong at home with me. These people are wasting our time. Just say what they want to hear so you can be released. I need to have you with me alone for a while. I need my Misaki."
"Idiot Usagi! You want to go home so you can do that? You can't be—"I stopped abruptly as I saw his face. He wasn't smirking like he would normally do when he wanted to have his way with me. His eyes were empty, expressionless. Did he really mean that he wanted to go home to just be together, like in relax to enjoy each other's company? I could feel my face heat up.
"When that doctor comes back just make something up. They will make you stay here until they know for sure you won't go and…do that to yourself again." It pained me to hear that he paused while speaking. He couldn't even say 'cut' or 'injure'. I feel like he doesn't want to acknowledge it. 'It's not that easy'I wanted to say but I didn't want to make him angry or more sad.
"O-Ok. I'll be sure to tell him what he wants to hear." Usagi reached over ruffled my hair.
It'll be fine. I'll do what Usagi tells me so I can go home. I can try to go back to living my life again. My miserable, lonely life.
The nurses came and brought me my food, which was some eggs, bacon, toast along with some orange juice and fruit cup. I drank the juice but the meal didn't look very eggs were to soggy and the bacon wasn't fully cooked. I ate small bites but my stomach couldn't handle it.
About twenty minutes after trying to eat my food, Dr. Asano came back as promised. Usagi was upset but left the room again. He knew the doctor would probably ask him to leave again anyway so he left.
"Did you enjoy your meal?" He asked.
'Not really' I wanted to say. "Yeah, it was great. Thank you." He smiled and got his clipboard and pen ready.
"I know this is weird and uncomfortable for you. You probably dislike me right now because of the questions I'll be asking. But remember that we're doing all this so you can feel better , ok? You want to be happy right?" I nodded and he cleared his throat.
"Ok Misaki. Can you tell me why you were cutting yourself? Tell me your reasons?"
I thought about what Usagi had said. The faster I can come out and tell him what he wanted to hear, I can go home, away from this place.
"I was stressed with school," I began to tell him. This was technically true of what I was saying. "There were too many exams and I felt I was going to fail them." Dr. Asano started writing down my response.
"What about your home? Do you live alone?"
"Um no…I don't live alone."
"Then perhaps a friend or roomate?"
"Yes I live with…a friend." My face started heating up and I don't know if he believed that detail.
"Would you say that things are well at home?"
I nodded. "Things are fine at home." My voice cracked slightly. He stared at me for a moment and resumed writing.
"Looking at your personal information, it says that you have no family."
"I-I do have a brother but he lives in Osaka." Please don't ask about my parents. Please—
"And parents? Do they live far away as well?"
"No…my parents," I pushed away the memories of my brother telling me the bad news. "They…passed away."
"I'm sorry for your loss." Another noted added to the clipboard. "When did they pass?"
"When I was eight."
"Who took care of you?"
"My brother. He was eighteen. I guess you could say he was like my parent." As the questions kept coming, my body was relaxing somewhat.
"While growing up, did you and your brother have a good relationship? Did he ever treated you badly or any of the sort?"
"N-No, he was great. He gave up everything so he could take care of me." He threw away his life so he could take care of his useless, whiny brother.
"That was very kind of him. What about—"
"Will I be able to leave soon?" I didn't mean to interrupt but I couldn't help it.
"Well, it depends. There still some questions I need to ask and I'll make a decision from there."
"Ok." I wished I didn't have to hear his next question.
"Have you ever thought about or wanted to commit suicide?" My body stiffened and my breath was caught. I think the doctor noticed and he started scribbling down on his clipboard. Tell him what he wants to hear so you can go home!
"N-No. I never thought about it or tried to. I don't believe in it."
"You don't believe in it. What about self-mutilating? In some of these cases, people who perform these acts usually want to be freed from their personal issues, which often can result in suicide." I shook my head.
"I only did this so I wouldn't feel sad. But I don't want to…you know." For some reason I wasn't sure if I believed what I was saying. I don't know if he was either.
"So are you willing to go through counseling and be on medication to help you with this?" I nodded.
"I see from your records that you were seeing Dr. Yamano about your depression. Were you taking anything?"
"Yes. I was taking medication but I—" but I threw them away. "lost the bottle at school."
"I see. Well no worries. I'll just fax over your information to Dr. Yamano and have them refill your medication. I will ask that you make a follow up with her. Make sure you go to your counseling sessions. If you want to feel better and have good progress, you are the one to make that happen. In case you would like to talk to me, just call me." He handed me his card. Had his phone number and email address. "I'm here if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to."
"Does this mean I'm able to go home?"
"This means that I'm going to believe in you to make the right choice. If you let yourself go down this road again, I'm not sure I or any other doctor will let you go home. You'll have to stay here in our Mental Health Clinic and stay until we see some positive changes in your behavior. I won't say how long that can take."
"I understand." I gripped his card tightly in my hand, nearing crumpling it.
"Alright Misaki. I'm going to have a nurse come in and check on you and your arm. I want to make sure everything looks good. Just observing, you appear to be highly functional and aware of what's going on so I'm not going to demand more tests to be done on you, unless there's something else you would like to say before I leave?" I slowly nodded my head. I don't think I could tell him anything else. "Well alright. You are free to go home as soon as the nurse gives me the thumbs up and have her give you some forms to sign for release. Take care."
He left the room and once again Usagi rushed into the room.
"Well?" he asked.
Part of me wanted to say out loud that I was happy that I was going to leave the hospital, but the other part wasn't so sure if I would be safe going back home. Back to where all my problems are. I guess I'll find out.
"Let's go home." He came and hugged me, whispering 'I love you' over and over. I couldn't help but feel tears well up in my eyes, and knowing they weren't tears of joy.
I know! This chapter totally sucked. I was really stuck and so this came out. Sorry for any grammar mistakes. Again I'm sorry for the delay. Please R&R!