Okay, so I've been working on this one-shot for a long time (that's why I wasn't focusing on my multichapter), and I finished it right after Sonny With A Choice. If you haven't watched it yet, don't read. These are my thoughts about it. Everyone's against Chad, but I actually think Chad doesn't deserve to be treated that way after everything he did for her. Chad loves Sonny, and Sonny is too much of a drama queen. I don't like her attitude. I'm on team Chad, and I know this one shot is pretty sad...but I'd like to see a change of dynamic for once. Well, read and review!
It's been a week. A whole week, and she still hasn't forgiven me. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. I'd scream, I'd cry, I'd jump, but that wouldn't change anything. I would still miss her. The world would still fall down everytime she's around. You know, sometimes I want to hate her. Maybe if I hated her, I wouldn't care. It wouldn't hurt like this. I wish I could hate her, but I can't, because I love her.
I love everything she does and every word she says; I love how she walks, how it seems like she's gracefully and lightly walking on a cloud and at the same time she's doing a photoshoot; I love how her hair is always shiny and perfectly curled, and how it makes me wanna run my finger through it; I love how she smiles, how my world suddenly brightens up when she's near, and so does the rest of the world; I love how she laughs and makes everything better, because her laugh is so pure and contagious and it just makes you want to be happy; I love how she says my name, she makes it sound even more beautiful, because she says it with such a sweetness and adorableness I just can't resist; I love how she kisses me, when I'm shouting or in the middle of a sentence and she shuts me up with her lips; I love how her eyes shine, how she's always ready to fight for what she wants, how she's the only one who can make things difficult for me, the only girl I can talk with without being assaulted; I just love her.
You can understand my happiness when I finally found the courage to ask her out and she accepted. I never thought she would've said yes, I though she hated me...I regretted asking her out right after I did, but she didn't seem embarassed or angry. She was trying to hold a smile. I jumped in joy when I was left alone.
I knew couples are supposed to have issues sometimes, but problems started before we even went on our first date. I think you already know the story. It's a never ending circle: everything's fine, I do something wrong, Sonny breaks up with me, I almost die to apologize and Sonny gives me a second chance. I don't know how many second chances she gave me, but I guess five or six, or even more. It's frustrating. Sonny gets upset too easily, and she wants to be treated like a princess. I mean, sure, sometimes I deserved it, but other times I do everything for her and she doesn't even appreciate it, because then I do something wrong and she thinks I don't care about her and I only think about myself. Seriously?
I gave her roses (and two pictures of myself) because she got mad when I said I didn't know if I cared about our date or Mackenzie Falls the most. I climbed her apartment with a rope and showed all the world I was a fool for her, ruining my reputation, because she didn't want our relationship to be a secret and I did. I flew to Wisconsin with my private jet to apologize for not trusting her and save her from a bomb, chose her over Penelope, giving up a parachute, I fell from a plane and saved her from the bomb risking my own life. I chose her over a million fans, losing almost all of them. I babysat the Randoms for a horrible day just to make Sonny rest because "she was sick". I had a concussion because I tried to ride a bike to apologize for sending my stunt double on our dates. Then I always do a mistake and she claims that I don't care about her. And yet, I almost died several times just for her! Just to apologize, just to make her happy, just because I was desperate and didn't know what to do.
This time I already did everything I could, but it's not enough. She just won't reason. She just won't forgive me. "There are no second chances this time. You've won the recount, but you lost me." those had been her last words, before she stopped talking to me and started slamming doors in my face, ignoring me and yelling at me the few times we can talk.
She doesn't understand that I love her. I'd give everything away just to have her in my arms again. I can't be perfect. When I'm wrong, I try to make up for it. But I'm totally sick of always trying to please her and getting nothing. I'm sick of all the fights, I'm sick of all the ups and the downs, I'm sick of losing and risking everything for someone who doesn't care about me. Dare to say it, I'm sick of her.
"The only us that there is right now, is between you and this award." No, Sonny. There was another us. And it was beautiful. I remember when we first met, in the cafeteria, when she was wearing a waitress costume and I stole her yogurt. I remember all of our fights, our "fine fine good good" thing. I remember our fake date, the first night I got to hug her, hold her and almost kiss her. I couldn't stand seeing her with James. I couldn't stand seeing her with anyone but me. I was jealous, for the first time in my life. And I didn't like it at all. I remember when I asked her out, our first interview, our first kiss, the break-ups. I remember the paparazzi following us wherever we went, I remember her falling asleep in my arms, I remember how she reacted when she first saw my house, how she blushed when I held her hand in front of other people, how she smiled whenever I was near. I just had the time of my life with her, but I think it's time to get over it. I don't know if I will be able to forget her, but it seems like she already forgot me.
I completely changed myself to be with her, and she didn't deserve it at all. I thought she was different, but she was just using me. You know, I have a reputation in breaking hearts, but I and Sonny were standing strong. I could've never broke up with her. She always did. I gave all my heart to her, and she just ripped it up. She played with it. And she won too many times. I never lose, but Sonny completely brought me down.
I don't know what to do. It might take forever to forget her. Maybe I never will. But I have to. I have to convince myself Sonny doesn't exist. What did she do for me? Absolutely nothing. Now I'll quote Taylor Swift. I gave her roses and she left them there to die. (Back To December) The weird thing is she forgot to water them and she accused me of buying withered roses. I'm sick of her attitude. I'll be Chad Dylan Cooper again, and not just half of Channy. Don't you remember how I was before she came in Hollywood? Well, I got to find that Chad again. It's the only way to avoid getting hurt. The only way I can get her out of my head.
I stood up from the couch and took a photo album from the shelf, near to all the awards I won and lots of pictures of myself. I opened it and leafed through it. My auditions, the promos I made since I was six, the first episodes of Mackenzie Falls, my first awards, all the parties and the ceremonies, my cast...maybe Sonny changed me in better, but being good equals being naive and sensitive and weak. I can't be weak.
I heard my door open with a creak. I turned around and saw the last person I wanted to see, just the one I was thinking about.
-Chad.- she grinned. -Can I come in?
-Sonny.- I whispered her name, as if she was a ghost. I was breathless. -Uh...sure.- I was confused. Why was she showing up at my door? She never did. -But if you're going to yell at me, then the answer is no.
-I'm not.- she assured me, before coming in. She gave me one of her best smiles. I tried not to being charmed by her, but it was impossible.
-So, what do you want?- I asked, putting down the photo album on the shelf and facing her.
-I wanted to talk.- she walked to the couch, but didn't sit. She was waiting for me to invite her to. I told her to sit with a gesture, and then sat next to her.
-About us.- Here it comes. I gulped.
-Sonny, you don't need to say anything. I get it. You don't want to see me anymore. And that's okay. Just go on with your life.
-No, Chad.- she held my hands. I wanted to let go, but I couldn't. My heart was fluttering and I felt butterflies inside. -I...I can't. We've been together for a long time, and we passed a lot of beautiful moments. And I know I'm gonna miss you too much. What you did was bad, but I can't go on this way. Maybe I overreacted, so...I'm willing to give you another chance.
-Wait, are you apologizing?-
-No. I'm still mad at you for what you did! Jeez, you won every single year and we always got humiliated! We finally won and you ruined everything, because you couldn't stand losing for once, right?- then her voice became softer. -But, Chad, I can't let you go, because...I love you. So if you promise not to disappoint me again, I'll give you another chance.
Yes, Sonny, yes. A part of me wanted to come back with her so badly I could even hear my heart screaming. It's been two weeks since we broke up and I couldn't go on. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I cried all the time and I couldn't focus on Mackenzie Falls. In other words, I was emotionally dead. But another part of me wanted to let her go. She wasn't apologizing. She still thought I was wrong.
-Sonny, I...I don't know.- I stammered. Sonny gave me a sad look.
-Chad, I just said I decided to forgive you.- she repeated slowly.
-I heard you.- I replied. -But I don't need to be forgiven.
-...What?- she whispered in disbelief.
-I don't want to be your boyfriend again.
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. And they hit Sonny too, since she looked like the world had stopped. I never, never thought I'd break up with Sonny a day. She was frozen, and her eyes started watering.
-What? W-why? Chad, how...- she couldn't speak anymore. She just raved. -I...I thought you still liked me...
-Sonny, I do like you. I love you. And I would do everything for you, but you don't get it. I lost everything a and yet you think I only care about myself! I gave you everything and you don't even appreciate! You break up with me everytime something bugs you, I fall into pieces and I have to apologize and do something crazy to have you back! I always have to satisfy your whims and I'd like a little gratitude! I'm sick of this never ending rollercoaster, it's just...frustrating.
A single tear dropped on her cheek as she started crying. -Chad, w-what are you talking about?
-It's always the same. We're together, I do something wrong, you break up with me, I almost die, you forgive me and then it starts all over again! I...can't take it anymore. You never blame yourself, you always blame me! Ok, sometimes I totally deserved it, but sometimes I didn't. And you never apologized to me. It was always the bad boy hurting his poor girlfriend, right?
-That's what you're doing now.- she sobbed. -Chad, I love you.- Her face was covered in tears while we was talking. It killed me to see her like that, and it killed me even more knowing I was the one who was making her cry, but this time I couldn't let her win again. -I swear, this time will be different. We'll be fine.
-That's what you said after the Tween Choice, and look what happened! I would never break up with you, but you did too many times and it killed me everytime. How do I know I won't end up broken-hearted again, and again, and again?
My voice was becoming a little too harsh, and she buried her face in her hands, crying. -You...you don't want me anymore, right?
I shook my head, sweetly. -No, Sonny. I love you more than anything. And I don't know how I will get over you. Maybe I never will.- My eyes started watering too. I've broken up with lots of girls, but breaking up with Sonny was another thing. It was actually the most terrible thing ever. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. She didn't want me to. She was crying because of me. How could it get any worse?
-You don't have to!-she wiped away the tears, still sobbing. -I promise you, it will be different. It will be perfect. It will be just you and me, together, forever. No one will come between us. We'll be happy. No break-ups, no fights, no paparazzi, no Channy, just Chad and Sonny. Two guys who love each other, and nothing's going to change that. We'll start a brand new life. Just take my hand, and I swear it will be alright.- she talked with such an emotion and a love that I almost gave in. I stayed still for some moments and since I didn't speak, she just leant in. Before I knew it, she kissed me.
I missed her lips so much. They were like heaven and tasted like strawberries. I've been craving them since we broke up...I could've spent my whole life kissing Sonny, if she'd let me. She knows I melt when she kisses me. She makes me forgive everything. My mind was already going into a trance.
I ran my fingers up and down her arm, making her shiver. She kept on smothering me with kisses as she put her arms around my neck and my arms surrounded her waist. I held her as tight and as close as possible, while she sometimes tangled her fingers in my hair, ruffling them.
She opened her mouth to let my tongue enter. I didn't even think about it, I just pushed. I was completely under her spell. I caressed her face and I let go all my tension and angriness in the kiss.
While I was caressing her cheek, I felt a tear. I slightly opened my eyes. Gosh, she was beautiful. Too beautiful to be true. Why was she crying? Then I realized she was smiling too. They were happy tears.
A single neuron woke up, so a tiny part of my brain started working again. I couldn't do this to her. I couldn't kiss her like that and then break up with her. I needed to pull away, but I couldn't. Since this was our last kiss, I wanted to enjoy it a little bit longer.
It took all my strength to stop kissing her. I slowly pulled away, but when our lips separated she grabbed me again and gave me a lot of pecks, and a 4 seconds long kiss.
When I finally pulled away, we were both breathless.
-Chad, what's wrong?- she asked.
-I-I can't do it.- I shuttered, almost crying.
-Why?- she held my hand.
-Because I love you and you don't love me back. Or at least you don't love me the same way.
-You could've showed that before. I know you'll break up with me again and again, and what am I going to do to be forgiven, Sonny? Jump off a cliff?
-Chad, you're overreacting...
-I'm not. That's your role.
Sonny bit her lips and looked down. There was a lot of tension in the room and I didn't know what to do. I was devastated. I needed to put an end to it and just forget her, as much as I didn't want to.
-Maybe I overreact. But you totally deserved it everytime. You were doing everything for yourself, not for us! Don't try to fool me! You didn't even understand how I was feeling! You didn't even notice that I felt bad everytime you won and I lost! But no, you needed to come back to normal. Because you couldn't stand not being in the spotlight for one day, right?
-I'm not used to it! It's a new thing to me, and I thought going back to normal would help us too.
-No, you didn't. You did it for yourself.
-But that's who I am! I do mistakes all the time, because even if you changed me, it's still me. You can't completely change me in someone who I'm not. And if you want me to be perfect and you don't love me for who I am, we better break up now.
-I do love you.-she whispered.
-I love you too. And I will never forget you. I will never be over you. That's what hurts the most.
-So, this means you're actually breaking up with me?- she wasn't facing me anymore. She was scared, and I was scared too. I took a deep breath.
-Yes. I'm sorry, but I can't go on this way.
Sonny tried to stay strong, but after a few seconds she punched a pillow and shed a tear. I couldn't tell if she was mad or sad...maybe both.
-You know what, Chad? It's fine. At least we know we weren't meant to be. We spared a lot of time.
She stood up, wiped the shed tear and turned towards the door. I didn't say a word. I just looked down, because I was afraid of what was going to happen.
-Goodbye.- I just mumbled.
-Goodbye.-she replied back, more harshly than I did.
I had to lift my head and watch the worst scene ever. Sonny, the only girl I truly loved, was leaving my dressing room and my life forever.
She disappeared as the door slammed. I breathed in and out for five minutes, until I couldn't take it anymore. I burst out crying. Yes, I cried. Chad Dylan Cooper cried. So what? Is it so shocking?
I locked my dressing room and cried my heart out on the couch. I'd never thought I'd cry over a girl. But she was Sonny- If she was any girl, it would've been different.
I remembered the photo album I was leafing through. I stood up again and skipped to the last page.
There was a picture of me and Sonny, smiling and hugging. She was beautiful as always. I was handsome as always. We were literally picture perfect. And I couldn't let something remind me we weren't anymore.
I teared up half of the picture. Now Sonny and I weren't hugging me. We were both smiling, but we were not together anymore. I took the Sonny half, ripped it up again until it was just pieces of paper and put my half on the last page, where it was going to stand by itself forever. Without its half.
Don't walk away, and the hurt will fade.
I won't dream of the night we met,
I won't need your touch,
I won't miss your love,
and your games is something I will forget.
I will be over you someday, but not yet. - Not Yet, Demi Lovato
Like it? Hate it? Please let me know what you think about it!