** This fic is a collab work by UekiKosuke and MyInfernalInsanity ** Thank you :)

Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING! And by we, I mean by MyInfernalInsanity and myself.

WARNING: This fic WILL have cutting and it will have rape in the future chapters! It's also going to be boy x boy, so if you don't like, please press the back button or close the tab ^^

-We'd like to dedicate this fanfiction to all those people who post secrets on "". I was a cutter myself, and even though I wasn't brutally abused like Ryoma, in this situation, I know many teens out there have issues like this, and we wanted to let you know that your not alone, and you can pm both MyInfernalInsanity and myself whenever you want to talk to either of us about this.

-Ryoma's bit was written by UekiKosuke and Eiji's bit was written by MyInfernalInsanity ^^

Please Enjoy~


Chapter one – The Lifeless


In America:

An agonizing scream rang throughout the neighborhood just like any other night. No one knew where the piercing sound came from, and no one really cared. They just wanted the 'noise' to shut it's-self up. However, in one household, a certain petite boy was coughing up blood, looking pathetic, sprawled in his own pool of stomach acid. He pounded on the wooden floor, hoping that the new pain would help ease the other one. He bit his lips, drawing blood from it. But the other man in the room laughed malevolently, kicking the withering being with all his might; feeling the joy rush through his body as the boy recoiled from the sudden contact. The man towering over the boy reeked of alcohol, and his eyes were blood-shot from lack of sleep. Even though he swayed, he seemed to be well aware of the fact that the boy was only to be targeted in places that were usually covered by clothes. The continuous blows struck the boy for what seemed like hours, until the man finally grunted and fisted the boy's hair.

"Damn BRAT." The man collected all the saliva in his throat and shot it at the boy in one go, directly hitting the boy's forehead. "I went easy on you because I'm tired today." A sly smile spread across the man's face, making his unsightly teeth visible for the boy to see. He tugged on the boy's hair roughly, pulling the boy's ears just inches away from his own lips. "You're worthless. You're not wanted. You're nothing but a pile of fat walking around the face of the Earth. You'll never grow up to be anything but an ugly little fag. You're better off dead." The man's hot breath ghosted over the boy's ears, sending shivers down the boy's spine, as the man chanted the words he always told the boy after the daily beating was over.

"Yessir." The boy choked on his own tears. He couldn't even remember when this started; it seemed so long ago that he actually felt loved.


"Hey Ryoma!" Kevin caught up with his best friend who was walking to school sluggishly. When Kevin noticed how Ryoma looked so dead tired, he burst out laughing. "Man, what were you doing up at night?"

Ryoma decided against telling his best friend about his situation so he shrugged, "You know what I usually do… Studying all night, its tough." Lying became Ryoma's second nature. Kevin stopped laughing and seized his best friends shoulders, making Ryoma blink in confusion.

"Your right. The day your able to feel anything, it'll be an apocalypse!" Kevin couldn't help but laugh at his own joke, making Ryoma cringe slightly. However, Ryoma just snorted, pushing his best friend away for some space. A slight frown creased Kevin's forehead as he stared at Ryoma in confusion. It confused Kevin how Ryoma was always keeping to himself, how it felt like Ryoma didn't want or need friends.

"Sorry, I have something to do." With that, Ryoma power-walked to the school building, never once looking back at his best friend. Ryoma hated crowds. He wasn't claustrophobic, but he hated it when people touched him. Even the slightest touch froze all the muscle in his body, and his pours exploded all the liquid his body contained. After a long walk, he finally reached his sanctuary where no on would even go near him. The classroom.

As soon as Ryoma entered the classroom, the entire population stiffened and wearily eyed him. Ryoma was well known in school for being a little emotional or emo for short. Ryoma rarely talked to anyone unless it was necessary, and no one in school had ever seen him smile. Echizen Ryoma did not smile. Everyone saw Ryoma as the arrogant brat, always keeping to himself and in everyone's eyes; he was just an eyesore, a waste of space, an abomination that needed to disappear from their world.

Ryoma sighed and looked up at the sky from the classroom window. He brought his hands up to his stomach and gently rubbed it in a circular motion. When his hand gently brushed against the fresh bruise left by the man, he flinched because of sudden the wave of pain that spread throughout his body.

He wished he could just end his life. He wished he could run away. He hated himself for being so weak.

Back in Japan…

The teen boy, around fourteen to fifteen years, stared blankly at the dark red spot on the brown, tiled floor of the small bathroom. The metallic smell of blood swirled around him, making his head spin a little and twist his face in slight disgust. As if he was going to throw up any moment.

His light blue eyes darted around the room, searching for the already prepared beforehand bandages. Spotting the white, cloth he clumsily took it and started to bandage his right wrist with well known movements; this not being the first time he's done this to himself.

In the middle of bandaging the wrist he suddenly clapped the undamaged hand in front of his mouth, eyes wide and his whole body shaking. He scrambled up from the floor and quickly ran to the toilet and emptied his stomach's contents in it. He coughed a few times before gagging once more and more sounds of vomiting filled the room.

Once he was finally done, his right wrist pulsating with sharp pain and the acid-like taste in his mouth almost making him gag again, did he finish the bandaging and tried to clean up the dark spots of blood that stood out on the floor so clearly.

There was a knock on the doors, his mother's voice coming from the other side. "Eiji! Hurry up and get out of there! You will be late for school." The annoyance in her voice was clear; she never spoke with him nicely and with love showing through her words.

Not even once had Kikumaru Eiji felt loved in this household since his father disappearance.

"I'll be right out." He croaked out as a response, still scrubbing the floor.

"Ungrateful brat." He heard his mother mutter before she spoke a little more loudly, "I left money on the kitchen table, take it before you go out. I have to take care of Sakura." Her footsteps became more distant as she walked away from the door.

Eiji bit his lip and quickly gathered his stuff. Once he was out of the bathroom Eiji walked down the stairs, past the room where his mother was happily playing with his few months old sister. Grabbing the money meant for him he left the house, not bothering to say anything to his parents; they wouldn't answer anyway.

At least not his mother or any of the siblings.

As he slowly walked down the street, not bothering to pay attention to the people passing him by and talking about their own little problems, he unconsciously touched the small locked around his neck with his fingertips. The warm metal felt nice against his flesh, the memories from long ago flickered before his eyes, before being locked up in the deepest part of his being once again.

The depression and will to die burnt a bit lighter but Eiji tried hard to suppress it; no one was to know about this side to him. He didn't want to let anyone, even his friends and family, to see the real him, the complete opposite of the happy-go-lucky character he pretended to be.

That was his mask, his protection, from all the pain the people would cause to him if he were to be abandoned and hurt once again. A bitter laugh escaped past his lips. Since when had he started to believe fairytales so much? Since when did he start to believe that everything would be fine, as long as he pretends to be something he isn't?

He shook his head, "What the hell am I thinking of?" the hand fell next to him, hanging lifelessly besides him.

"Maybe I should just die already." He whispered. His left hand clutched the black school uniform, the other barely holding on to the school bag, still trembling from pain and blood sipping through the bandages, and he looked up at bright blue sky.

His first thought was 'I wish my eyes would burn out now' but then he changed that thought to a little bit brighter one, but still so very impossible in his eyes. "I wish someone would save me." His lips twisted in a bitter smile, the naked and hurtful truth that such a thing will never happen carving painful, and yet invisible, wounds in his mind.

But he didn't know yet, maybe didn't feel, that at the same time, somewhere far away a child, a year or two younger that him, whispered the same words out at the nightly sky, hot, salty tears rolling down his face and painfully soaking into his open wounds.


A/N (MyInfernalInsanity): Oh my God, I'm all hyped up! I've never done Eiji before (those small snippets of him in my BIG stories don't count, yes, they don't.) and doing him all *let me die* like is a bit hard for me. BUT, but, I shall work hard! :D

Huhuhu, this is going to be so much fun working together with Ueki on this fic. It has been 'till now at least. :D (Read the 'Epic Battle Whatever' fic thing on my profile for reference materials.) I just hope we won't slack off, I know I probably will, and do.. Stuff… Ok, this is getting too long now. XD

A/N #2 (UekiKosuke): LOL I'm STUUUUUUUPER glad the great author, MyInfernalInsanity, agreed to doing this fic with me :D I LOVE HER SO MUCH! Eiji is really emo in this fic and it makes me so sad T-T I can't believe I called Ryoma an abomination

-Slaps herself-

Anyways, I'll keep my rants short for the sake of…. Everyone XD

I hope you enjoyed our first chapter, and reviews will be appreciated~