Author's Note: Okay, I've threatened this one for a while, and with Xmas days away… I hope you enjoy
Legal disclaimers: Kim Possible, Shego, Dr. Drakken & Will Du are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18.
Hop on Possible - or - How Shego Stole Kimness
By SHADO Commander
Most of the people in Middleton,
Liked Kim Possible a lot,
But Shego, whose lair was in the suburbs,
Now it wasn't that odd for there
To be someone Shego didn't like,
For she'd had a bad disposition,
Since back when she was a tyke.
But her dislike of Kim Possible,
Was most especially vicious,
And in her heart it oozed around,
Turning foul and pernicious
And as Middleton approached
Another holiday season
That hatred grew, and it festered
And it swelled beyond reason
"I don't like her at all,"
The green, grinchy babe snarled,
And the more she thought of the redhead,
The more her claws gnarled.
Her pale face got all hard,
Her green eyes got all grim,
As Shego thought of all the things
That she hated about Kim…
"I hate her hair color,
I hate the smile on her lips,
I hate those damn cargo pants,
That always hang from her hips!"
"I hate her cheerleading,
I hate her pert breasts,
I hate that smug look,
When she makes her arrests!"
"I hate her dumb sidekick,
(And his kid sister Hana,)
I hate the outfits she buys
From that damn Club Banana!"
"I hate what she stands for,
I hate the phrase "What's the sitch,"
To put it most simply,
I hate all of that bitch!"
Yes, it would seem there was no question,
That Shego hated Kim,
But WHY didn't she like her,
Was it just a whim?
It could be that Shego was just nasty and mean,
Or did she hate the fact that her arch-foe was a teen?
Perhaps she was jealous since Kim wasn't green,
And some think Shego just drank too much caffeine,
Some blamed her foul temper
On a nasty old comet,
Which had turned Shego's skin green
(A shade she thought looked like vomit)
And that Kim's pristine young beauty,
Simply made Shego jealous,
But whatever the case,
It was quite overzealous
But the real reason, I suspect,
And I don't think this is wrong,
Was simply because they'd been fighting
For way too terribly long.
From the moment they first met,
They seemed destined to tangle,
And whenever they came together,
They would wrestle and wrangle.
They fought in the streets
They fought in the lairs
They fought in the drive-throughs,
And while going up stairs!
They'd fought in a restaurant,
They'd fought at the zoo,
There was even a time,
They'd fought in the loo!
Yes, they fought all over,
It was a terrible sight,
(But no one else complained,
'cause they all loved a cat fight.)
And what chafed Shego the most about Kim,
Was that she never could beat her,
In fact, sometimes that damn redhead,
Would actually defeat her!
And that drove Shego crazy,
That drove Shego mad,
It sent her hormones off the chart
From hating Kim so bad
And after every battle,
Shego's hatred grew stronger,
Until the day came that she,
Could stand it no longer
Twas after an especially bad fight,
Upon the next morn,
As Shego sat in bed ruing
The day Kim Possible was born
When inside Shego's head,
Her thoughts started wandering,
And a Possible solution
She again began pondering
"If only," she thought,
"I could get rid of that hero,
If only there was a way
That Kim I could zero…"
And then it hit her! The Key!
To Kim's annihilation!
"If I can't destroy her…
I'll destroy her reputation!"
"It's her virtuousness," She thought,
"That these idiots adore,
If I take that away,
She'll be a hero no more…"
"And when these Middleton fools,
See that she's not all of that,
I'll take that demoralized Kim,
And I'll knock her ass flat!"
And as Shego sat there stewing,
In juices vile and vitriolic
She came up with a plan…
That was quite diabolic!
"I know exactly how to fix
That red-headed strumpet!
I'll seduce her virtuous heart…
and then dump it!"
"And then I'll make it all public,
So no one can rebut,
The way I'll bend all the facts,
So she'll look like a slut!"
"Yes! I'll seduce her and dump her,
And to make an unholy trinity,
The last thing I'll steal
Is Kim Possible's Virginity!"
"I'll steal her Kimness," She swore,
"The mighty force that empowers her,
I'll worm my way into her prissy priss pants…
And then I'm going to deflower her!"
"And I'll bait the trap with a bait,
That she'll never expect,
She'd expect something devious from me,
So I'll pretend to be direct."
"I won't threaten something evil,
No, I know what's much better,
I'll pretend to be a man,
And I'll send her a love letter!"
"I'll say that I've watched her
With great admiration,
And think of her nightly,
While I perform masturbation!"
"That would scare most girls off,
But I think with Ms. Prissy,
She'll instead be intrigued,
By such a show of false honesty!"
"Then I'll lure her to a place,
Where her 'secret admirer,'
Can reveal 'himself' to her,
And tell her that 'he' desires her…"
"And as a girl myself,
I'll know just the right fashion,
To play on her desires,
And inflame her passion!
"I'll have her begging for me,
She won't let me stop,
And I'll only reveal who I am,
Once her cherry goes pop!"
"And then I'll just turn,
And walk out the door!
And I'll leave Kim Possible feeling,
Like a fifty cent whore!"
"She'll be so embarrassed,
That she'll want to leave town,
And of course she'll have to,
Once the word gets around!"
"Oh yes," chortled Shego,
'Won't that be such a trick?
To pull it off I'll need a moustache,
Boy's clothes and a fake dick!"
"Oh, and maybe some straps,
To tie my green boobies down,
I'll tuck my hair in a cap,
And then I'll head uptown!"
"I'll leave a note on her door,
Saying I need to meet her,
And invite her to meet me,
At the Middleton Theater!"
"Now what movies are playing,
Apropos for a date?
Something that won't be too long,
Though we'll be staying out late!"
Shego picked up the day's paper,
A date movie to choose,
And picked a film called "Debs"
From the strength of the reviews.
"And for an after movie snack,
We'll need a most public location,"
A place where we'll be seen by the gossips,
And requires no advance reservation!"
"Some place that is trashy,
Some place that is greasey,
Of course, Bueno Nacho,
Well that part was easy!"
"And, for the final act I'll take her,
To an hourly motel,
With a well-deserved reputation,
Of a staff that always would tell!"
"Yes, this plan is quite perfect,
Now I'll perfect my disguise,
And make myself irresistible,
To Kim Possible's eyes!"
"The moustache will be tricky,
I can't grow one of those,
But fortunately I've got a place,
Where some surplus hair grows!"
So Shego got her scissors,
And took out some glue,
And performed a pubic-hair transplant,
In just a minute or two
Then she bound up her boobs,
And stuffed her hair up in a cap,
She stole some of Drakken's old jeans,
But there was something wrong with the "lap"
"I've got to make Kimmie think,
I'm a well endowed boy,"
So Shego went to her closet,
And pulled out a sex toy!
It was eighteen inches long,
A Jade green heartstopper,
That ought to serve perfectly,
As a Kim Cherry Popper!
She strapped the huge dildo on,
Then she zipped up her pants,
And now Shego was ready,
Kim Possible's heart to entrance!
Then she called up a taxi,
And left her note at Kim's place,
To which she added her own photo,
(and a cell number, just in case,)
Then she took the cab to the movies,
Where she paid for the ride,
Then waited outside chuckling,
Feeling all giddy inside!
Because when she'd posed for her photo,
She'd seen that as a guy she was hot,
And knew that when Kim saw her picture,
That her heart would be caught!
And sure enough, her trick worked,
For ten minutes 'til the show,
Kim Possible showed up,
And she looked raring to go!
She wore a tiny black dress,
Instead of her cargo pants,
And she wore heels 'stead of boots,
So she'd be ready to dance!
Her hair was styled elegantly,
She was even wearing mascara,
And on her head, like a Princess,
Kim Possible was wearing a tiara!
"I'm your secret admirer,"
That sneaky sneak Shego did lie,
"My name is RodriGo,
And of course, I'm a guy!"
And Kim smiled at 'Rodrigo,'
As (s)He went to greet her,
And with Kim on her arm,
They entered the theater!
They found two seats together,
In the very back row,
And as Shego placed her hand on Kim's,
The projectionist started the show.
But that's when Shego's plans,
All began to unfurl,
Because this movie she'd picked,
Was about a girl who liked a girl!
And as the movie continued,
Things got even more thorny,
Because Shego was sure that Kim,
Was starting to get horny!
Shego wasn't quite positive,
Since the light was so dim,
But she'd never seen nipples as erect,
As the ones rising on Kim
And then on 'Rodrigo's' arm,
Kim's hand began stroking,
Oh yes, Kim was excited,
Of that there could be no joking!
But what worried Shego most,
Was that she was getting horny too,
Was she getting turned on by Kim Possible?
Oh no, that wouldn't do!
But she kept her mind on her task,
And she went for 'second base,'
And then Kim, that tramp!
Guided her hand to the right place!
By the time the film was over,
Shego's emotions were a mess,
And her mind was fixated,
On what was under Kim's dress!
Shego knew this was strange,
How she was starting to feel,
And she didn't know if she could last,
When they went out for the meal!
But "I'm not hungry for food,"
Shego heard Kim's soft sigh,
And it kindled a strange feeling,
Just above Shego's thigh!
But at least there was no question,
That Kim was just as excited as well,
And so by mutual decision,
They headed straight for the motel!
The taxi ride went past,
In an incredible blur,
All Shego could remember,
Was how Kim pressed against her!
And the next thing they knew,
The were at the motel,
A rather shady establishment,
Called the Hotel Du-Tell!
They went straight into the lobby,
And signed the guest book,
As Mister and Mrs. Mark Schooley,
(A ridiculous name, but who'd ever look?)
Now they just needed a room,
Not to mention a room key,
They needed a desk clerk,
But where could he or she be?
Then as Shego looked around,
She suddenly saw a small Du!
It was little Will Du,
GJ agent number two!
Who moonlighted each evening,
As the Du-Tell's desk clerk,
(It was a family business,
Where all the Du clan had to work)
Shego gave Will a fifty,
Enough for an hour or two,
Then on reflection added a hundred,
"Yeah, that ought to do."
"Because while I'm deflowering Kim,
Upstairs, with impunity,
That gossip Du will tell everyone,
In the law enforcement community!"
And yet, while Kim recognized Will,
She never gave a sign,
That he shouldn't say a word,
Or her reputation malign!
In fact rather than worry,
About what Will Du might think,
Kim just gave him a shy smile,
And a most bashful wink!
"Oh my gosh," thought Shego,
With her hands full of Kim,
"This character named Rodrigo…
She's REALLY into him!"
By this time they were both inside,
The hotel's elevator,
And the dildo in Shego's pants,
Was humming like a vibrator!
They were locked in an embrace,
As they staggered out into the hall,
And Shego felt so dizzy,
She was afraid she might fall!
So when they made it to the room,
She could stand it no more,
And Shego and Kim, both entwined,
Fell as one to the floor!
Shego's breath was short,
Her hands everywhere,
As she drank in the sweet scent,
Of her Princess' perfumed hair!
And as her arch foe was grinding,
Away beneath Shego's hips,
Shego brushed back Kim's hair,
And made a move for her lips!
She'd expected some resistance,
Well, at least a small token,
But Kim's mouth let her in,
Though not a word had been spoken
And even as those luscious Kim lips
Were both parting,
Shego found that in her mouth
A delightful Kim tongue was darting!
Why this was much more fun,
Than when they were fighting,
And Shego gasped in delight,
When Kimberly started biting!
For no one had ever,
Given poor Shego a hickey,
And it made her feel embarrassed,
For having been so tricky!
And then Shego realized,
Her plan had crumbled to dust,
For how could she dump Kimmie now
When she, herself, was equally consumed with lust?
But now there arose a problem,
For certainly, inevitably,
Kim was going to discover her new 'boyfriend'
Was equipped rather differently!
"What are you waiting for?" Kim asked,
As she rolled her eyes toward the bed,
"I think we'll be much more comfortable,
If we're up there, instead!"
Then Kim guided Shego's hand,
Inside her top, to her breast,
And whispered seductively,
"Come on, let's get undressed!"
And as Shego felt Kim's pert nipple,
Protruding through her fingers,
Her heart suddenly felt as though it,
Was being wrung through multiple wringers!
Because she wanted Kim!
More than anything she'd wanted before!
And this moment wouldn't last very long,
Once they'd got up from the floor!
And as she looked back and forth,
From the bed to Kim's breast,
She realized with a shock that
She couldn't be this dishonest!
"I can't do this!" She moaned,
"But how can that be?
And I don't want her to want Rodrigo,
I want her to want ME!"
And that thought rocked Shego,
All the way down to her core,
As a hidden truth emerged,
That she'd kept buried before!
"The reason I hate Kim,
Why I've wanted to strike her,
Is because deep down in my heart,
I… I secretly like her!"
"And even that's not enough,
There's only one word I can think of…
To describe how I feel about Kim…
OH MY GOD I'M IN LOVE!"
But what could she do NOW?
She'd been undone by her own trick!
How could she explain all the deceptions?
How could she explain the fake prick?
There was no way to escape this,
Shego had dug her own hole,
And she was filled with remorse,
That consumed her whole soul!
"I can't do this Princess," She sobbed,
I've got to let you go free
You deserve only the best,
And that's certainly not me!"
"I'm a heel, I'm a scoundrel,
I'm not even a guy,
I'm just a lousy green villain,
Who's just learned that she's bi."
Shego waited for Kim to hit her,
To smack her square on her head,
Which would have been way too kind,
Since Shego wished she was dead
But instead, trapped beneath her,
She felt a strange jiggling,
And Shego realized with a start,
That Kim Possible was giggling!
"Oh don't be ridiculous," Kim laughed
"You think I didn't know?
What kind of a guy,
Asks a girl to see a gay show?"
"And did you really think a moustache,
Would disguise you from me?
But I came along anyway,
For you see, secretly…"
I've been harboring a crush,
For you for several years now,
And I've wanted to tell you,
But never knew just quite how
So when you left me that letter,
I knew what I had to do,
It might have been my only chance,
To open my heart up to you
And I accepted the fact,
That you might be trying to play me,
Because it would be worth anything,
For the tiniest chance you might lay me!
"So stop looking so stunned,
Is it really such a shock?
That I'd be attracted to you,
Even if you don't have a cock?"
Shego's brain gasped and goggled,
Could she really have heard Kim JUST say…?
"That's right Shego," Kim grinned,
"Kim Possible's gay!"
"And now that you understand
This truth we've both tapped on
Why don't we make some good use,
Of that dildo you've strapped on?"
So what happened then?
Well in Middleton they say
That Kim and Shego, the arch-rivals,
BOTH came out of the closet that day!
And now that she'd blown off what had been
Her psychological sexual taboo,
Shego found enough love in her heart,
For ten Shegos… plus two!
"All right then," Shego smirked,
As her arms wrapped round Kimberly,
"You say you can do anything Possible,
Now it's time to do me!"
And then they were at it!
It was like an explosion,
There were hands and tongues everywhere,
There were naughty bits in motion!
Shego did Kim on the carpet,
And about nine times in bed,
They tried it once on the ceiling,
And in the bathtub instead!
They did it in the elevator,
They did it on the stairs,
The did it in the lobby,
Ignoring everyone's stares!
They did it in the park
And in the Middleton SuperDome,
And they did it in the taxi,
The entire way home!
And yes that was home,
As in a residence singular,
Because Kim moved into the lair,
Now that Shego knew how much she was into her!
Of course, they're still fighting too,
Some habits are too hard to stop,
But what they fight about these days,
Is who gets to be on top!
And the moral of this story?
It doesn't matter, straight or gay,
Because when you've met your true soul mate,
Love will always find a way!