Alex: *hiding behind Hazel*
Hazel: Alex. Get your lazy ass out here now, and stop hiding behind me like a motherfucker.
Alex: NO. *pouts* You're gonna yell at me.
Hazel: I'M ALREADY YELLING AT YOU, BITCH!
Alex: *voice reaches unnaturally high octave* I'M SORRY!
Hazel: *grabs her shoulder and shoves her forward* NO YOU'RE NOT. NOT YET. YOU PASSED SORRY FOUR FUCKING MONTHS AGO!
Alex: I'M SORRY! I've been busy-
Hazel: -being a motherfucker, now just say the fucking disclaimer! BEFORE I SHOOT YOUR SORRY ASS!
Disclaimer: We don't own shit.
The backstage crew scrambled to get ready for the next scene, and Kiba and LeShawna got to their positions. Sakura, Naruto, and Izzy hid behind a set, preparing for their harmony part of the next number, and Itachi foamed at the mouth once Sasuke walked over.
"SASUKE, YOU FUCKTARD! SHOW SOME EMOTION, OR I WILL KILL YOU, RESSURECT YOU, AND KILL YOU AGAIN!"
"Whoa, whoa, WHOA! Hold it, ferret-boy!"
Itachi's eye twitched, before he turned around and was met with the sight of two teenaged girls, glaring up at him. One was pale, had hazel eyes, short brown curly hair, and wore black yoga pants and a grey sweater. The other was a couple inches shorter, had dark skin, dark brown eyes, wore a grey wool knit hat and her fringe framed her face nicely. She was more developed than the other teen, and wore a pair of jean shorts, a magenta tank with silvery beads on the bust, and a grey sweater over top, and wore glasses with rectangular lenses, a black frame, and silver rhinestones on the arms; she was grinning maniacally while her partner looked awkward.
"You can't kill Sasuke! Do you know how many trolling fan-girls will maim us if you do?" The latter glared, pointing an accusing finger in the older Uchiha's face.
"Uh… Who the hell are you?" Itachi growled, raising an eyebrow.
"Nice going dumbfuck," the pale one sneered, glaring at the hat-wearing one. "He wants to know our names, what do we tell him!"
"Uh… I'm Alex. E. X. And she's bitch- I mean… Hazel J.V." Alex grinned, meekly, as she jerked a thumb at Hazel. Itachi raised the other eyebrow. Hazel glared at Alex.
"Uh… So yeah, don't kill Sasuke! …What are you all standing around here for, get on with the show, bitch!" Alex smiled maniacally before Hazel scribbled something in a notebook she pulled out of her sweater. Itachi turned to Gaara and Gwen; the two shrugged, and when he turned back to the two teens, they were gone.
"Well that was fucked." He muttered to himself, before snapping his gaze at the crew. "Places!"
The actors started to walk on stage, and Itachi illuminated the stage. The crowd applauded as LeShawna and Kiba started to unpack prop boxes.
"Hey Gary! Thanks for helping me move in," he grinned.
LeShawna waved him off and smiled. "No sweat! And look, you got your first set of mail. What's in these boxes? Anything good?"
"Well, my parents sent my stuff from home," Kiba replied.
"How nice! And you also got your rent bill, your utility bill, your student loan bill,
your credit card bill, your phone bill, your cell phone bill..." LeShawna trailed off as she sifted through the mail.
"Oh my God…" Kiba winced.
LeShawna cocked an eyebrow. "You got any money?"
"I start work tomorrow…"
The prop phone began to ring, and before Kiba could answer it, LeShawna grinned and put it up to her ear.
"Gaaaaary Coleman!" She chimed, before waiting a few seconds and handing it to Kiba. "Oh, it's for you."
"Oh, thank you. Hello? Oh, hi!" Kiba grinned, before placing his hand on the mouthpiece and smiling at LeShawna. "It's my job." He turned his attention back to the phone. "I can't wait to meet all of you tomorrow! ... oh, I'm sorry, I can barely hear you.
What's that sound in the background? … A paper shredder! But... the company can't be folding! … Well, how am I suppose to live? …Hello?"
"Oh, kid…" LeShawna frowned. "Don't look so long in the face! You know what they say? If you rearrange the letters in "unemployed" it spells "opportunity"!"
"…What?" Kiba asked, perplexed.
"Here's a bit of advice. Never underestimate the power of long-range planning. If life gets you down don't just sit on your ass and let it pass you by. Take it from someone who learnt it the hard way." LeShawna advised, before scowling. "Gary Coleman."
She exits the scene.
Kiba ponders her words, and cracks a smile. "Maybe this is an opportunity. Maybe I'm not meant to work in some damn office for the rest of my life. Maybe... maybe I have a higher purpose!" He grinned, before looking towards the ceiling.
"What's a purpose?" He inquired.
The audience laughed when elevator music began to play, and a voice responded over the intercom.
"A purpose is direction to your life. It could be a job, or a family. It could be the pursuit of knowledge or wealth. Everybody's purpose is different. The best thing about a purpose is that it gives your life... meaning."
When the music stopped, Kiba grinned at the audience.
"I want a purpose!" He said, as single note filled the air. He began to sing.
it's that little flame
that lights fire
under your ass.
it keeps you going strong
like a car with a full
tank of gas.
Everyone else has
So what's mine?"
Kiba paused, and picked up a penny off of the stage floor, as his brow furrowed. He smiled at the audience.
"Oh look! Here's a penny! It's from the year I was born!"
His grinned widened and he continued to sing.
"It's a siiiii-ii-iii-iiiiiii-iii-iii-ign!
I don't know how I know,
but I'm gonna find my purpose.
I don't know where I'm gonna look!
But I'm gonna find my purpose!
Gotta find out,
don't wanna wait!
Got to make sure that my
life will be great!
Gotta find my purpose
before it's too late."
"He's gonna find his purpose..." Izzy, Sakura, and Naruto harmonized, walking on stage, and doing daily activities such as taking out the garbage and checking their mail.
"Whoa-oh-whoa!" Kiba sang. "I'm gonna find my purpose!"
"(Gotta find his purpose!)"
"He's gonna find his purpose…" Sakura, Naruto and Izzy chimed.
"Yeaaaah, yeah, yeah! I'm gonna find my purpose!"
"(Gotta find his purpose!)"
"Could be far, could be near…" Pondered Kiba.
"Ooooooooh…" Harmonized the trio.
"Could take a week,"
"A month, a year…"
"Ooooh, maybe more!"
"At a job…" Kiba sung.
"(At a job!)" Repeated the trio.
"Smoking grass…" Chuckld Kiba.
"A pottery class!" All four sang in unison.
"It coooould…" The trio continued to harmonize.
"Could it be?" Wondered Kiba, singing.
"Yes it could!"
"(Yes it cooould…)"
"Something, good!" The four sang together, and the trio harmonized underneath as Kiba sang the melody.
"Whoa-oh-whoa-oh…" Chimed the back up singers.
"I'm gonna find my purpose, yeah!" Kiba sang, grinning.
"(Gonna find his purpose!)"
All three back up singers skipped around Kiba, before stopping and pointing at him.
"You're gonna find your purpose, whoooa!" They sang.
"Whoa-oh-whoa, I'm gonna find my purpose!"
"(Gonna find his purpose!)" The trio agreed, before going back to their activities as Kiba walked downstage.
"What will it be?
Where will it be?
My purpose in life is a mystery!"
"(Purpose is a mysteryyyy…)"
"Gotta find my purpooooose…"
"Gotta fiiind…" Sang Naruto.
"Gotta fiiiind…" Izzy joined.
"Gotta find…" Sakura finished off the triad, before all three released their note.
"It!" They exclaimned.
"Gotta find me…" Kiba smiled.
"You're gonna find your purpose, whoa-oh…"
"Whoa-oh-whoa! I'm gonna find my purpooooooooose!" Kiba sang over top of them, holding the last note.
"Gotta find, it! You're gonna find your purpose…" The three singers chimed.
"Purpose, purpose, purpose…" Kiba sang.
"Gotta fiiiiind…" The trio harmonized underneath.
"I gotta find me!" Kiba grinned, ending the song as the music finished. The audience applauded as the back up singers quickly ran off stage to prepare for the next scene. Izzy quickly changed into a bear costume.
A few moments passed, before Tenten appeared in a window on the second floor of the apartment set on one side.
"My purpose in life is to help people find themselves." She grinned, laying on a thick Japanese accent.
A few moments later, she disappeared and in the window beside hers, Neji appeared and he smiled greedily.
"My purpose in life is to make people laugh, and make money doing it." He snickered, before shutting the window and a scowling LeShawna appeared in the final window, which was on the far right.
"My greatest fear is that I've already achieved my damn purpose in life and from then on
I've been on a slow tiresome walk to the grave…" She harrumphed, and the audience laughed. She slammed the window shut behind her, and as she did so, Sakura exited her fake apartment.
Kiba waved her over. "Oh, hey Kate Monster!" He greeted.
"Princeton! Hi!" She grinned, her face lighting up as she approached him.
"See, Kate. Can I ask you a question?"
"What's your purpose in life?"
Sakura half-smiled. "Well, I'm a kindergarten teaching assistant."
"Right. But what's your purpose, your dream, your mission?" Kiba questioned.
"No one ever wants to know that…" Sakura murmured, her eyes traveling downcast.
"I do." Kiba replied, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Sakura smiled nervously. "Well, since you ask... I... oh, no, I can't. I barely know you." She giggled.
"Oh, come on!" Kiba pressed, smiling encouragingly.
Sakura's smiled widened, before she walked downstage. The lights dimmed and a single spotlight shone on her.
"Ok. When I was a little monster I always wished I had a special place I could go.
A special school, only for monsters. Sure it's important to learn about the great favors of
western civilization but so much of the canon leaves out monster art and history. And we? Our donation? It was always my dream to start that special school for monsters. So that- in short, is my purpose." She stated, as soft contemporary music accompanied her monologue. The spotlight shut off and the lights were brought back and she walked back over to Kiba.
"Aha," Kiba chuckled.
Sakura instantly panicked. "Oh! But I'm not an egg-head!" She exclaimed. She smiled awkwardly and swung her hands around in an awkward motion. "I like to have fun! …And party…"
"So you are eager on the monster stuff, huh." Kiba remarked.
"Aha," Sakura smiled.
"Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs?"
"Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster…" Kiba said.
"Right." Sakura nodded.
"You're both monsters." He pointed out.
"Are you two related?"
Sakura gasped, totally offended by that comment.
"WHAT? Princeton, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!" She snapped.
Kiba gasped. "Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking." He apologized.
"Well it's a touchy subject! No. Not all monsters are related." She sniffed. Sakura narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What are you trying to say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh? Huh? Huh!"
"No, no, no! Not at all! I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist." Kiba admitted.
"I should say so." She sniped. Sakura began to pace downstage, shaking a scolding finger. "You should be much more careful when you're talking about the sensitive subject of race.
Music began to play as Kiba narrowed his eyes and followed her.
"Well, look who's talking!" He snorted.
"What do you mean?" Sakura frowned.
"What about that special Monster School you told me about?"
"What about it?"
"Could someone like me go there?" He drawled.
Sakura furrowed her brow and pointed at him. "No! We don't want people like you—"
"AHA!" Kiba cut in, as Sakura covered her mouth. "You see!" He exclaimed, as the music crescendoed.
"You're a little bit racist…" He sang, crossing his arms and turning away from the pink haired woman.
"Well, you're a little bit, too!" Sakura countered, frowning.
"I guess we're both a little bit racist…"
"Admitting it is not an easy thing to do..."
"But I guess it's true…" Kiba shrugged.
"Between me and you, I think-" Sakura suggested, pointing at him.
"Everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go around committing hate criiiii-iii-iiiiiimes!" The two sang.
"YES IT DOES!" Shouted Duncan from offstage.
The music stopped and everything went silent. Sakura glared venomously and stomped off stage, leaving Kiba standing there awkwardly.
Sakura's voice, albeit a bit muffled, could be heard from backstage. "YOU BAKA!" She screamed. Duncan's yelps of pain could be heard, as well as Sakura's battle cries and Gwen and Courtney's laughter.
A few moments later, Sakura walked back on smoothing out her costume and hair, totally calm as if nothing had even happened. She brushed off her hands, and smiled at the audience. The music began to play once more.
"Look around and you will find…" Sakura began, hinting to Kiba that he was supposed to be singing. Kiba caught on and joined in.
"No one's really color-blind.
Maybe it's a fact we all should faaaaa-aaa-aaa-aaaaace!
Everyone makes judgments...
Based on race!" They sang, bobbing their heads side to side.
"Now not big judgments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from," commented Kiba.
"No!" Sakura agreed, waving a hand dismissively.
"Just little judgments like thinking that Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!" He shouted, angrily. The audience laughed and clapped in agreement.
"Right!" Sakura nodded, before the pair began to bob their heads to the music again, smiling broadly.
"Everyone's a little bit racist – today!
So, everyone's a little bit racist – okaaaaa-aaa-aaaay!
Ethnic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because they're based on truth!
Don't take them as personal attaaaaa-aaa-aaa-aaacks.
Everyone enjoys them - so relax!"
"Alright, stop me if you've heard this one before…" Kiba chuckled.
"Okay." Sakura grinned.
"There's a plane going down… "
"There's only one parachute…"
"And there's a rabbi, a priest..."
Sakura gasped and grinned, as realization dawned on her. She pointed at Kiba, as LeShawna bounded on stage.
"And a BLACK guy!" She exclaimed.
LeShawna glared at them as she marched over, pointing an accusing finger in Sakura's nervous looking face.
"Whatchoo talkin' about Kate!"
"Uh…" The pink haired girl stammered.
"You were telling a black joke!" LeShawna frowned.
"Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes..." Kiba shrugged.
"I don't." She scowled.
"Well of course you don't – you're black!" Kiba explained, before smiling knowingly. "But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?"
"Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks! Ahahahaha!" LeShawna laughed.
"Now don't you think that's a little racist?" Kiba remarked.
LeShawna stopped laughing, and thought for a moment before frowning slightly.
"Well, damn… I guess you're right." She replied.
"You're a little bit racist…" Sakura said, elbowing LeShawna in the forearm.
"Well you're a little bit too!" LeShawna responded, pointing at her.
"We're all a little bit racist!" Kiba sang.
"I think that I would have to agree with you…" LeShawna nodded.
"We're glad you do!" Sakura and Kiba smiled slyly, elbowing her in her sides simultaneously, as she stood in the middle of them.
"It's sad but true!" LeShawna exclaimed. "Everyone's a little bit racist… alright."
"Alright." Sakura agreed.
"Alright." Kiba added.
"Alright! Bigotry has never been exclusively whiiiiiii-iii-iiiite!" LeShawna belted, bobbing her head to the music with Kiba and Sakura.
"If we all could just admit,
That we are racist, a little bit,
Even though we all know that it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us, get along!" They all sang.
"Christ, do I feel good!" Kiba grinned.
"Now there was a fine upstanding black man…" LeShawna sighed happily and walked downstage a few paces.
Kiba furrowed his brow confusedly. "Who?"
"Jesus Christ," she replied.
Sakura rolled her eyes and walked over to LeShawna. "But Gary… Jesus was white."
"No, Jesus was black." LeShawna countered.
"No, Jesus was white." Sakura said, laughing slightly.
"No, I'm pretty Jesus was black!" LeShawna glared.
"Guys, guys!" Kiba intervened. He held there attention for a few seconds, before continuing. "Jesus, was Jewish…"
All three of them laughed, before Neji walked on stage and smiled at them.
"Hey guys, what are you laughing about?" He asked, meeting them.
"Racism!" LeShawna chortled.
"BRIAN!" Tenten screeched from offstage. "Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!"
Neji snapped his fingers and scowled, before starting to walk back to his and Tenten's apartment.
"What's that mean?" Kiba asked, stifling laughter.
"Um. Recyclables." Neji replied, turning to him. The other three broke down into more laughter, and Neji glared at them. "Hey! Don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak!"
"Oh come off it, Brian!" Sakura waved him off, before walking over to him. "Everyone's a little bit racist…" She sung.
"I'm not!" Neji denied.
"Oh no?" Kiba asked, unbelievingly.
"Nope!" Neji crossed his arms.
"Ha!" Kiba scoffed. Tenten walked on stage, up behind Neji.
"How many oriental wives, have you got?" Neji sang, making Tenten gasp and punch his shoulder.
"WHAT? BRIAN!" She exclaimed.
"Brian, buddy, where you been?
The term is Asian-American!" Kiba stated, motioning to Tenten as she frowned, feeling offended at Neji's words.
"I know you are no intending to beeeeeee-eee-eee-eeeee!
But calling me 'oriental'?" Tenten sang, before scowling and using air quotes on the word 'oriental' "Offensive to me!"
Neji winced, before turning and grabbing Tenten's hands softly.
"I'm sorry honey!" He apologized. "I love you!"
Tenten's expression softened, and one couldn't tell whether she was acting or not anymore when she smiled softly at him. "And I love you…" She smiled.
"But you're racist, too." Neji smirked.
"Yes. I know." Teneten smiled. She walked downstage before starting her solo, and more Japenese sounding music played underneath her voice.
"The Jews have all the money!
And the whites have all the power!
And I'm always in taxi-cab,
With driver who no shower!" She sang, before scowling.
"Me too!" Kiba remarked, walking over to her. Neji followed.
"Me too!" Sakura gasped, walking over to her as well.
" I CAN'T EVEN GET A TAXI!" LeShawna exclaimed angrily, throwing her hands up in the air as she joined the four others. The five began to walk forwards and backwards as they leaned forwards and back to accompany each motion.
"Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true.
But everyone is just about as racist as yooooo-ooo-ooou!" They sang, and pointed in different directions at the audience. They began a kick line.
"If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
And everyone stopped being so P.C.!
Maybe we could live in – harmonyyyy-yyyyyy!" They harmonized.
"Ev'lyone's a ritter bit lacist!" Tenten sang, ending the song as they all grinned and posed.
The audience erupted into a thunderous applause, and most of the cast walked off stage, only leaving Kiba. Izzy and Edward prepared to go on at any give moment.
"Alright everyone, prepare for scene five!" Itachi ordered into his headset, as the actors that had just gotten off stage got their make up touched up on. Things were going well, but for how long?, he pondered, the mysterious and strange teenage girls still on his mind.
Alex: THERE! HAPPY?
Hazel: Yes. Very. Now, was that so hard?
Alex: Go fuck yourself.
Alex: Now, if you want Secrets Are Overrated, and Bitch Please updated, GO YELL AT HAZEL, BECAUSE SHE'S BEING A LAZY SHIT AND NOT UPDATING THEM.
Hazel: AT LEAST I DIDN'T TAKE FOUR MONTHS…
Hazel: Shut up! Now, please review-
Alex: Or I will KILL you.
Hazel: ALEX! *grabs her ear and drags her away* STOP BEING A BITCH! *smiles at readers* Please review.
Alex: *out of breath* Or I'll-
Hazel: SHUT UP!