"I've got this second chance
I'm gonna take it
I've got this song and dance
I'm gonna take it
I've got all that I need
And I can taste it
I've got you next to me
And I don't want to waste it..."
~~Next To Me by Civil Twilight
Chapter 5, Part 1
A few weeks passed and Pickles was teetering dangerously on the edge of self-destruction. He watched as all of Mordhaus was transformed for his birthday; balloons, cake, presents...he hated it all. It made him sick. He'd begged for no celebration, but apparently everyone just thought he was being humble. He stood now, watching as Jean-Pierre rolled out his cake to him, a gravely serious smile on his stitched face. He halted the cart in front of the drummer and gave him a humble bow.
"My Lord, does this please you?"
Pickles took one look at the cake and shook his head. "Nah," he said, irritated. "It don't please me at all. There's too many stupid, dildo candles an the top of it. Take some of them aff, please."
"But my Lord, they're are exactly thirty-five candles on the cake. Don't you want-"
"No!" he snapped, his voice echoing throughout the bustling room. Everyone that had been working stopped at the sound of the exclamation and stared at at the drummer as he yelled, "Take some aff or trash the whole damn cake!"
"My Lord, please-"
"And is 'dat chocolate on there?"
He nodded and lowered his head submissively. "Yes, my Lord. Chocolate frosting and-"
"Yes, my Lord."
"Who the fuck told you 'dat I liked stupid vanilla cake? I wanted chocolate! Take the whole fuckin' thing back, give it to some hobos or somethin'! Sell it an eBay for all I care, just fix me another." and he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Jean-Pierre. "Do it. Now."
The chef didn't ask twice; he nodded and wheeled the cake cart back in the direction of the kitchen. Just as he went to leave the room, he bumped into Toki. "Oh, Lord Toki, please don't be mad. It was an accident, a-"
"It ams okay, Jean-Pierre. You barley even hits me." he frowned at the stressed look on the chef's face. "Ams you okay?"
"Lord Pickles." was all he said before pushing past Toki and leaving the room. The Norwegian's frown deepened as he looked over and watched Pickles yelling at some Klokateers.
"No, don't put the stupid presents there! Just take them outta the fuckin' room, I don't wanna look at them!"
"But my Lord, you just told us to put them here!"
"Well I changed my Gad damn mind about it!" he scowled. "Why the fuck do you guys gatta make 'dis so damn hard? Just do what I say and-"
"Pickle, you ams going crazy, you knows that?"
The drummer turned to him. The angry look faded into a much softer one. "T-Toki?" he asked, smiling. "You're talkin' to me again?"
He shrugged. "Maybes, if you wants to listen."
"Well yeah, of course I-"
"Then comes with me." he said, motioning towards the door. "I wants to gives you your present."
He groaned. "Can't you just put it in the fuckin' pile over with the others?" and he glared down at his shoes and mumbled, "I didn't even want a stupid party to begin with..."
"Just comes on." Toki insisted. Unlike before, he didn't take the drummer's hand and lead him away, he just turned and went out of the room, hoping that Pickles would follow. He did.
"Toki, listen, about our last-"
"You seems really stressed out." he observed as they walked down the hall. "It ams kind of funny."
Pickles scoffed. "Oh, it's funny, huh?"
"Ja," Toki said, grinning broadly. "it ams."
"It's funny 'dat I'm getting old and...and...are you laughing?"
He nodded and began laughing madly, but never once did he lean against the drummer or even walk closer to him. He just continued on his way, a happy and carefree look on his face. Once his laughter had subsided he said, "You knows, I've been talkings with Skwisgaar a lots and he says-"
"Okay, what the fuck is wrang with you?"
Toki's smile didn't disappear. "What ams wrong with what?"
"This—you. You're all happy and stuff, and you're actually talkin' to me now." Pickles said, giving him an odd look. "It's like you forgot."
"I haven't forgots how mad I ams at you." he said lightly, shrugging. "I just sorts of got over it, I guess. I miss talkings to you. We were best friends before, you knows. Before Skwisgaar tolds you about-"
"Yeah, I know."
The drummer nodded. "Course I remember; how could I forget the day I broke your heart?"
Toki rolled his eyes. "You didn'ts break it, only mades it harder to put back together, that ams all."
They walked the rest of the way in silence before the Norwegian lead Pickles off to his room. Once there, he opened the door and went inside. Pickles hesitated, but eventually he worked up the confidence and entered. Toki closed the door and then went over to his bed. He got down on his knees and began to root around the underside of his bed. The drummer watched him and smiled.
"What're you doin', idiot?"
"Gettings your present. Holds on..." and he came up with a frown on his face. "I can't finds it. Oh well, I guess you'll just haves to be happy with this." without hesitation, he jumped up to his feet, went over to Pickles, and kissed him on the lips. When he was done he pointed to the door and said calmly, "You cans go now. I'm done. That ams it."
"Gos away now." Pickles shook his head, reached for Toki's hand. The Norwegian recoiled from his touch and insisted, "Gos away now, please! I don't want to have you breakings my heart again. One time ams enough, I've learned my lesson." The drummer stood there feeling utterly numb inside; Toki smiled at him coolly and whispered, "See? It doesn't feels so good to have your heart fucked with, does it? But I forgots, you never gave me your heart because—why? Oh yeah, you weren't gays."
"You're still mad?" he finally managed to ask. The Norwegian scoffed and glared at him.
"That was the worst day of my life! I hates you for it!"
"No you don't, you still love me." Pickles insisted, taking the guitarist's hand.
"Reallys? Then why ams me and Skwisgaar going out together after your stupids party?"
He felt his heart ripping in half. "You're what? Why him, why nat..."
"Who else ams there who would haves me?" he wondered. "You don't loves me even though I've given you everythings, and so what else cans I do? I'm a person, I needs to fuck someone sometimes."
Pickles could just imagine Toki and Skwisgaar fucking. He felt his face burning at the thought and tried to cast it away, but couldn't. Not his Toki, not the Toki he'd worked so damn long to protect from the world, to keep so innocently untouched. Had he really lost him, just like that? "Toki, I...please don't go out with him..."
"I can't see you do 'dat, not with him."
"Why the hells not? You and me ams just friends, right?"
"Well yeah, but-"
"We're just friends, rights?" he repeated, this time sounding uncharacteristically angry.
Pickles felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes as he nodded and repeated weakly, "Y-Yeah."
"We're just friends?"
"Yeah." he whispered.
Toki narrowed his eyes at him and demanded, "Whats the fuck did you just say?"
"We're just friends!"
"N-No, of course we're nat!" Pickles finally broke down and cried, falling into the Norwegian's open arms. "I love you, I love you..."
"You loves me?"
He nodded and pressed his face into Toki's shirt, let out a huge sob. He was helpless now, totally powerless against himself or anything else. "I love you like nothing else in the world." he whispered, feeling his last bits of strength and courage failing him. "Are you happy? This is it, Toki—I'm old and in love with you and nobody or nothing can change it, not ever. I'll love you until the day I die, because you should be with me. Don't you get that yet? With me."
"I still dreams of you, you knows." Toki said, smiling down at Pickles. "Every single night."
"Would it be really, really fucked up if I dreamed of you last night?" he asked, shaking. "Oh Gad, it was so fuckin' amazing. You were beautiful, like the best thing in the world and you...we..." he let his voice trail off. In all honesty, he didn't want the Norwegian to know what they'd done together in his dream. It might ruin the moment.
Still, Toki didn't let go. He swallowed down the nervousness that was building up inside him and asked quietly, "It's confusing, huh? Wanting someones who you knows you can never haves."
Pickles met his crystal blue gaze. "I can't have you?"
He bit his lip shyly. "I guess you coulds if you really wanteds...I'm not that great, though. Maybe you should try to dreams of someone better?" it was a timid question, one that the drummer answered by leaning forward and gifting Toki with a kiss on the lips.
"You're all I want right now."
"What abouts later?"
He shrugged and kissed him again. "I think you'll do, dude." Toki smiled at this and allowed Pickles to walk him over to his bed. "But we cant's dos it! Skwisgaar, I still ams with him."
The drummer arched a brow. "D'you really, really wanna be with him?"
"Well no, buts I need someone to fuck." he turned red and added, "I've been dreamings about you a lots."
Pickles felt a warm feeling spread thru his stomach all the way to his chest. "Don't think about him now, just be with me." he laid Toki out on the bed and kissed his forehead. "Just think of me."
He kissed the guitarist deeply then, like he had in his dream a few nights ago. It was a surprisingly fiery kiss, one that made Toki's cheeks blaze with color. Pickles loved him like this, looking so curious and shy, so he deepened it, let his tongue enter and explore the Norwegian's mouth. They pulled away, but their lips met again and again in a glorious explosion of repressed emotions. Pickles had to have him, had to feel him naked and had to hear him beg for release...he had to be with Toki then and only then, forever and longer.
The moment was ruined by a sharp knock on the door. Toki sat up, pushed Pickles off of him, and his eyes grew wide. "It's probably Skwisgaar wondering where I ams. What are we goings to do?"
"Let me take care of it, dude." Pickles jumped off the bed, went to open the door, and stared at the Swede. "Heya, what's up?"
Skwisgaar looked utterly confused. "What ammnest you doing in Toki's room?"
"Oh, y'know...just messin' around."
"Just doings what?"
Pickels grinned at him and repeated casually, "Y'know, just fuckin' around."
The Swede tried to push past him into the room, but he stopped him and held him back. Behind the drummer, Toki watched with a worried expression. Pickles didn't care, though. This was their moment and nobody was going to ruin it for him. He took a deep breath and howled as loudly as he could, "I'M GONNA LET TOKI WARTOOTH FUCK MY BRAINS OUT!" he slammed the door in Skwisgaar's face and let out a content sigh. "Well," he turned back to the guitarist. "Let's do it, I guess."
"How could you say thats? Oh my Gods, you ams so embarrassing!"
He shrugged nonchalantly and kissed Toki's forehead. "Least he won't bother us again, right? And besides, I love you when you're embarrassed; you're adorable."
"C'mon, don't worry about it. Just lemme take care of everything, okay?"
"Good, now come on, babe." he lead Toki back over to the bed, but not before locking the door.
Once he was lying down, the guitarist asked, "What did you just calls me?"
"Babe, 'cause you're mine, and 'dats what I wanna call you." he kissed him lightly and smiled. "Is that okay?"
"Ja," he breathed. "it ams perfect." They kissed some more, but gradually a new question came into his mind. "Pickle?"
"Um hmm?" he asked, running a hand thru Toki's beautiful, shining hair.
"What abouts your party? Don't you have to gos to it?"
He laughed and kissed his cheek. "Are you kiddin'? Why the fuck would I trade a night with you-"
"More than a nights, Pickle."
"Well why would I trade that for anything in the world? C'mere." he pulled Toki closer to him and let his hands travel down the small of his back and down to his ass. "You wanna fuck me?"
"You know how?"
"I thinks so..."
"Good." he brushed his lips lightly across the guitarist's. His hand went around and grabbed the zipper of Toki's pants. "Get naked for me, babe." He stripped off his shirt, let Pickles put lay hands on his hips. "You're amazing, y'know?" Pickles kissed Toki's stomach and breathed hotly, "So damn perfect."
And within a few minutes there were both naked, and Pickles was smiling up at Toki. He felt the Norwegian's throbbing erection pressing against his thigh, felt the hot wanting, but said nothing. He just held the guitarist and kissed him, knowing that when Toki was ready he'd go thru with it. He was nervous, scared shitless, though. "P-Pickle," he said, pulling the sheets up to cover his nakedness. "I can'ts..."
"Yes you can. Look, just trust me." he uncovered Toki and touched his bare skin. "You're perfect. What're you so nervous about?"
"I thoughts that you—when did you likes me?"
"I've always liked you."
"Why did you lets me feel so bad about loving you, then?"
Pickles frowned and said seriously, "I was stupid and dumb. I took you for granted, figured 'dat you'd always love me and look at me with those eyes...amazing eyes." he pressed a hand to Toki's cheek and whispered. "I love your eyes, y'know. C'mon, babe, fuck me and let me see those eyes on fire. Just do it already, I'm so tired of just dreaming, let's just really do it."
Toki ran his hands down the drummer's flat, warm stomach, treasured the perfect figure and the feeling of skin beneath his fingers. Pickles shuttered and cursed. "Shit, you're gonna make me come just by touchin' me like that..."
"No, waits!" he let out a ragged breath, kissed him one more time, and sat up. He put his erection in the drummer's hand and whispered, "Makes me hard?"
He stroked Toki quickly and easily, feeling the sweet slickness of the guitarist's pre-cum. "S'feels good, huh?"
Toki moaned and nodded, let Pickles run his thumb along the head of his cock. "Ja, just likes I dreamed."
"Only better." he agreed, smiling. He felt his own erection grow and Toki felt it to; he looked down and smiled.
"I thinks I'm ready."
"Then do it, babe." he sighed, let his body relax as Toki positioned himself. "Gad, I love you. I love you so fuckin' much. We're gonna be together forever. We're gonna just lay here and fuck each other all day tomorrow, until you can't do it no more."
Toki entered him with a moan, and Pickles felt himself give in and tense up under the pleasure of it all. When a little pain came, he hissed and made himself relax. The Norwegian hesitated, sensing his pain. "Ams I okay?"
"You're amazing. Keep going, babe."
And he did, never again wavering or ceasing. He went into Pickles and moaned. Being inside the drummer was so wonderful, so unremarkable good. Toki felt himself about to climax, so he slowed down and instead focused his attention on Pickles' pleasure. Without shame, he took the drummer's erection in his hand and began stroking and rubbing. Pickles moaned and shifted under him, begged for more. In his mind Toki flashed back to his dream and remembered how well they had gone together. They'd been perfect for each other, just like now. It was like there wasn't anything else in the whole world—the fame was gone, the money and drugs and booze were unimportant. The only thing that was real and not artificial was them.
Pickles moaned and cursed. "Dude, slow down. There isn't a rush..."
"Don't be." he kissed Toki and shut his eyes. "You're good."
"Open your eyes, Pickle." he whispered, going further into the drummer than he thought possible. "So you can sees my eyes, just likes you said."
Pickles did, and when he did Toki saw all the passion and affection that was blazing in those endless stars of green. "T-Toki, I love you." his body went rigid and he let his head fall back into the soft mattress of the bed.
"I loves you to, Pickle." he panted, feeling himself about to be pushed to the edge again.
This time he knew there would be no way to ease back and hold himself; it was irreversible. Pickles let out a cry of surrender and began moving his hips along with Toki's right before he climaxed. Feeling that sticky warmth forming between them, the Norwegian looked down and saw creamy whiteness dripping from the head of Pickles' cock. This was it, this is what had been missing. This, what he had right now. He needed it, craved it, wouldn't be able to go on without feeling or seeing that again. He couldn't stand it anymore, and within another moment he was climaxing as well, letting himself go with a last whimper of ecstasy.
When he was spent, he was trembling and breathing hard. Pickles smiled up at him, wiped away a bead of sweat that was dripping down his face. "You..." what could he say? Nothing. There was nothing that needed to be said, so he just pulled Toki down into his arms and held him there, sweating, exhausted, and dripping with the drummer's cum.
"Ams you still likes me, even though we-"
"Shut up, babe." he pressed his naked body closer to the Norwegian's.
Toki smiled and stared at him with those pale eyes, those amazing, shining blue suns. That same old innocence was there, that old childish wonderment towards the world still reflected in their endless waves of emotion; now there was love there, too, and an unyielding, almost painful affection. Pickles didn't deserve this, did he? He didn't deserve to wake up every day and look into those pale planets of such broad and expansive blue...still, he wouldn't deny them. He wouldn't deny anything about Toki, never again.
But now there was something else on his mind. Carefully he observed the sheen on Toki's perfectly brown hair and whispered, "Y'know what I found today?"
"Whats?" he closed his eyes and rested his head against the drummer's chest.
"A gray hair."
Toki's breath caught in his chest. He sighed in annoyance. "Ams you serious? You're stills worried about that?"
"Why shouldn't I be?"
He chuckled. "Remembers when you said when you were my age you hads dreams about sex all the times?"
He nodded. "Yeah, so?"
"You still dreams of fucking me, so I guess we ams not that much different, huh?"
Pickles thought about this and shook his head. "No, I'm still too old."
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Chapter 5, Part 2
The Next Morning
The next day when Toki awoke he was alone in the bed. He was still naked, but had been covered by the sheets on his bed. They were disgusting, though, still holding some of the evidence from the night before. A look of revolution came across his face as he sat up and looked around his room. Pickles was gone? His heart fell, but in a moment the redhead was coming into the room, a broad smile on his face as he presented Toki a plate of food.
"What, you thought I left you alone?"
He bit his lip shyly and answered quietly, "Maybes."
"After we just made love?"
"Well you're a dumbass then, babe. Look." he handed the plate to Toki and said proudly, "Gat you breakfast!"
"Thanks, Pickle." he said, picking at it with the fork. "You ams really great."
"And this." he brought something out from behind his back and held it out to the Norwegian. "Found it outside and just went and picked it. S'nice, huh?"
It was a rose, a full and bloomed one. Toki's pale eyes grew wide as he took the flower and smelled it; he half expected it to smell like that special spiced rum that Pickles loved so much, but it didn't. In the cup that the drummer placed on the nightstand next to him, though, there was that red, spicy drink. He felt his heart filling with love for Pickles, and smiled up at him.
"I did good?" he asked almost fearfully.
"Ja," Toki nodded. "you dids amazing."
"Good, 'cause you know I ain't never really stayed with someone after I fucked them."
"Ja, I knows."
"But I'm staying with you for a long time." he grinned and added, "Can't get rid of me, I guess. Sucks for you, huh?"
"No." Toki said, smelling the rose again. "It ams perfect for me."
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Chapter 5, Part 3
They talked for a while, but Toki still couldn't forget the comment Pickles had made last night about his age, so he excused himself and went to Skiwsgaar's room. He knocked on the door and waited until the Swede answered.
"Oh...hey, Tokis." he scratched his head awkwardly and gave him a little smile. "How ammnest you doings?"
"You two...um...Pickle yelled at mes yesterday."
He nodded. "Ja, I knows."
"Oh." there was a moment of awkward silence before Skwisgaar moved aside and motioned for him to come in. "I guess if you wants, you know..." Toki entered his room.
"Thanks. Listens, I was wonderings if you—ams you mad at me?"
The Swede thought for a moment then shook his head. "No, I really did wants you to be happy with him, and I guess I sorts of knew I was just someone you were usings to get your mind off hims." he ran a hand thru his long, golden hair and swallowed. "I'm happy that you two ammenst together, reallys."
"You don't sound that happys."
"Don't push it, Tokis. I was really looking forward to fuckings you last night."
He blushed. "Listen, I was wonderings if I could use some of that stuff you use to dyes your hair with—what color ams it?"
Skwisgaar arched a brow. "You wants to dye your hair blond like mines?"
Toki grinned and nodded. "Ja, ams that would be okay? Just for a littles while?"
"Well I guess sos, but why?" and his face paled in fear. "Ams you going to tells everyone I dyes it? Haves you told anyone yet?"
The Norwegian gasped. "Nos, of course not! Just 'cause you ams afraid to have gray hair..."
It was true. Being in Dethklok was a stressful thing, and it had caused the young Swede to already develop a few gray hairs. The Swede was rather vain, and had believed that this would sort of ruin his sex-God image, so he dyed the hell out of his head of beautiful hair every weekend in secret. It was an odd habit, but surely enough every Saturday he would lock himself in his room for an hour and that was it.
Skwisgaar gave Toki an odd look and stated, "But you don't haves no gray hair."
"That ams the point!"
"This ammnest about Pickle, huh?"
"And hims whole age thing?"
The Swede sighed heavily and went into his bathroom. He brought out a box of hair dye and handed it to Toki with an almost sad, contemplative look on his face. "But your hair ammnest so beautifuls now. Please don't dos it."
"I've got to do what I have to dos." and he took the dye and asked, "Could you helps me? I don't know how to...you knows..."
"Ja, sures. Gos in my bathroom." he glanced in the mirror at his own hair and searched for any sign of fault in the blond. "I'll be there in a seconds."
In the time span of an hour, Toki's chocolatey brown hair went to straight, bleach-blond. When it was done, Skwisgaar nearly let out a sob and threw the box of dye aside. "Why did you makes me dos 'dat? You looks sos stupid! It was fines before, so what ammnest the points of this?"
"Exactly that ams the point!" Toki exclaimed. "It was fines before!" and he jumped up, kissed the Swede's cheek, and thanked him. He hurried back to his room to where Pickles was waiting for him. The drummer was sprawled out on his bed watching T.V., but when he saw the now blond Toki, remote fell from his hand.
"Dude, what the fuck happened? You were only gan for an hour an' now your all Skwisgaar-ish."
"So you hates it?" he asked, fingering some of his now blond hair. Pickles' green eyes grew wide.
"Well no, but I—it's still cool, but-"
"So you don't gives a fuck if I gots brown hair or blonds?"
"No, but what the fuck are you talkin' about?" he got up and slowly walked over to Toki, a hand outstretched; gently he touched his cheek, a look of disbelief on his face. "You're all bright and blond and crap now."
"But you still loves me, right?"
"Of course I do! Nothing you ever do could change 'dat!"
"Exactlys, so who ams the one complaining abouts gray hair?"
Pickels looked down in almost childish shame. "Oh, right. It's about that. Well that's different. I-"
Toki gave him a skeptical look. "How ams it so different? Don't you loves me no matter what I looks like?"
"Well yeah, but-"
"So why can't you believes that I loves you no matter what you looks like?"
" 'Cause I'm-"
He narrowed his eyes at the drummer. "I swears to God, if you says it ams because you're old, then I'm going to leaves you right now."
Pickles' eyes filled with fear. "No, but..."
"Listen," Toki said, kissing his cheek. "it ams time for me to talk. I loves you, every part of you, so what ams the big deal if you're a little bit older thans me? Who gives a fuck? Age ams a stupid thing to worry about; it changes every year!"
The drummer gave him a little reassured smile. "So you really swear to Gad that you don't care?"
He rolled his eyes. "Nos, of course I don'ts, you idiot!"
Pickles reached for Toki's hand. "You really had to dye your fuckin' hair to make me understand 'dat?"
"Then I guess I'm a total idiot."
He nodded and said jokingly, "That ams what I'm trying to tell you! You're so God damns stupid."
"Can I still have a kiss?" Toki smiled and brushed his lips against the drummer's. He let Pickles hug him close and whisper, "So we're cool, right?"
He grinned and played with some of the guitarist's new bright hair. "This is kinda perfect, huh?"
"Better thans perfect." Toki whispered, his eyes traveling back over to the rose. It was still sitting on his nightstand, so beautiful and perfect in its blooming fullness. There was something tainting that simple beauty, though. It was the stem, which was twisted and thorny—wretched. Pickles squeezed Toki's hand and the little smile that was on the Norwegian's face grew.
He himself may be wrong and wretched, and what he and Pickles had may be odd and twisted, but what did it really matter? He had come to face the brutal fact that he wasn't normal—or what most people defined as normal—but he didn't care. He was twisted, but at least he had someone to be twisted with.
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And that's it, that's the end. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, because you are amazing and other people only wish they could be as awesome as you are. [^_^] Oh, and yes, I know I quote Civil Twilight songs a lot, but that's because they're beautiful and they really do fit the story. Yes, more Pickles/Toki stuff coming up from me—lots more. I also hope you liked the sex scene thingy. It's been a while since I've typed one.
Peace & Love
[Pickles + Toki = SEXINESS]