EDITION AFTER THE LAST EDITION
The fic is now super over. No more questions, please.
Miss Bright answers Mello's followup question: Is she retarded?
Light-Puppet: Wow. That was really charitable of her.
MB: To the follow-up question: Nuhhhh...maybe. Yes, I am. Mello, you party-pooping bastard :(
L-Puppet: Who is this actually for? Is that for the real Mello, or his puppet, or my puppet?
Mello-Puppet: Me. Thanks for the answer!
BeyondBeleif13 wrote in to ask questions. So many important questions need answering, but the characters have all scorned me in my own mind. But, since I need them back, I have decided that didn't happen and they are still here for one more answer session.
Question: Light: What the heck did your mom and sister think when they found out you are kira?
Light-Puppet: When considering their reaction to anything, it is important to remember that they are female characters in Death Note, and thus, their opinions are unrealistic and unimportant.
Matt-Puppet: Maybe none of us should talk about what we think are realistic characters, Mr Popular-and-Attractive-Top-student-in-the-country.
BB-Puppet: Speaking of unrealistic and unimportant...
Misa-Puppet: *Ahem*, actually, after you died, the team told them that you died because of Kira. There really wasn't a way to tell them.
Mello-Puppet: Wow, this is a party, isn't it! Glad we stuck around.
Misa-Puppet: And Misa is a better character than any of you nerds, except for L!
Mello-Puppet: And the claws come out...
Misa-Puppet: Misa is sorry, did you need some time off camera to think of something actually clever to say?
Matt-Puppet: Hey Misa? Where are all of your fanfics?
Misa-Puppet: Misa was in almost every episode of Death Note, does that count? No, wait, it's better.
L-Puppet: I must compliment your wit. My attraction to you has increased by 3%.
Misa-Puppet: Errrrrr. Um, Shoes!
Question: Light: Are you aware your last name backwards is "I'm-a-gay"?
Light-Puppet: That is not my name in my native script, just an English transcription. I'm sure that there is something funny about any name in some language. And while you are at it, why would you choose my name to make fun of? One of these people is named 'Beyond Birthday', for Japanese God's sake.
Matt-Puppet: Are there any questions for the rest of us?
Question: Everyone: Who beleives your puppet is gay?
Light-Puppet: No! No one do this. We can't, on one hand, say that society accepts the sexuality as an immutable fact, and on the other, enforce a narrow definition of masculinity by way of emasculation and-
L-Puppet: I don't have a lot of options. I could go either way.
Matt-Puppet: (Near, raise your puppet.)
Mello-Puppet: (Near, do, like, anything.)
Light-Puppet: Stop declaring your sexualities! It's gauche.
Mello-Puppet: Me, again!
Question: Everyone: Can I have a puppet-hug? *holds up puppet of what I wish I look like T-T*
Light-Puppet: No! You were just incredibly rude.
Matt-Puppet: Don't be a puppet-douche. Hug her puppet. *Puppet hug*
L-Puppet: Yes, I do not pass up opportunities for human contact *Puppet hug*
Mello-Puppet: Yeah, yeah *Puppet hug*
Misa-Puppet: *Puppet hug*
Near-Puppet: I do not enjoy human contact, can I offer a puppet high-five instead? *Puppet daps*
BB-Puppet: *pretends to eat puppet jam* Busy. Oh wait, are you named after me? Awesome! *Puppet hug*
Question: Everyone: Can I have a REAL hug? I feel very lonely T-T
Light-Puppet: Oh, now we're getting ambitious!
BB-Puppet: Sure, since you're a fan. I don't know how that would work though. I would say that I am 84% sure that we are all dead and in the afterlife, because I have to weight the fact that I can't see anyone's lifespan with the fact that this is not a very well-thought-out fanfic, so I guess you can have a hug when you are dead.
Near-Puppet: Loneliness is a useless emotion, I offer you empathy and encourage you understand that you should only trust yourself to help you with your problems.
Mello-Puppet: Near wants to hug you so bad! He can hug for both of us.
Matt-Puppet: Near wants to do my hug too.
BB-Puppet: Yes, when she dies.
Author: No, that is macabre. Just don't think about the setup.
Misa-Puppet: Misa doesn't understand.
Light-Puppet: That's unusual...
L-Puppet: How am I not supposed to think about it? I think about everything.
Author: Pretend it's the other thing. The series itself was a show, and you yourselves were actors playing yourselves and now live lives relatively consistent with your personalities.
Light-Puppet: So, another level meta?
Mello-Puppet: Yes, like Inception, but retarded.
Matt-Puppet: Right. My puppet is rolling his eyes.
Mello-Puppet: We need to go DEEPER.
Matt-Puppet: Heh. *Whispering sounds*
Near-Puppet: This is rated 'T'.
Mello-Puppet: Hey Near, wanna go to Olive Garden?
Question: L: What would your favorite sweet be?
L-Puppet: Pure Sodium saccharin, the sweetest substance on Earth.
Question: BB: have you tried any other jam besides strawberry?
BB-Puppet: Of course! I've tried them all. Literally every other jam and jelly. I just think that strawberry is the best!
Matt-Puppet: Boring answer. Make up something better.
BB-Puppet: I only had so much to work with.
Light-Puppet: I bet that you haven't tried nerd-jam.
BB-Puppet: I don't know what that would be.
Light-Puppet: I made it up. I was implying that you should kill a nerd.
L-Puppet: I thought that you were implying something much more... disturbing.
BB-Puppet: Ok, I want to try it now.
Mello-Puppet: I volunteer Near for whatever you're thinking.
Near-Puppet: I don't want to be in this anymore.
Question: Near: do you eat normal food? The plotline doesn't suggest unusual food habits.
Near-Puppet: I honestly don't know what normal people eat.
Mello-Puppet: Animal crackers, Lunchables, and dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.
Mello-Puppet: Uncrustables, those drinkable yogurt, and anything ready-to-eat by Oscar Mayer.
Near-Puppet: Oh, I suppose that I eat normal food then.
Question: Everyone: Which one of you believes your puppet is the smexiest? (Light-puppet cannot answer this one XD)
Misa-Puppet: Misa is cutest!
L-Puppet: The rest of us have self-esteem issues.
Question: Everyone: do you think I'm coming up with questions off the top of my head? AM NOT! O-o
Light-Puppet: I would be... bothered to think that you put much thought into them.
Question: Near: Are you actually albino or did you bleach your hair?
Near-Puppet: Neither, actually.
BB-Puppet: Booo! Non-answer.
Near-Puppet: Ok, when I was a baby, I was sickly and about to die, but my parents used the power of the goddess of the moon to infuse my body with the strength to live, and it turned my hair white.
Matt-Puppet: Haha, that was Yue from Avatar: The Last Airbender!
Near-Puppet: All right, then. I just don't know.
Question: Near: Are you related to sheep (bloodline)?
Near-Puppet: How is that possible?
Mello-Puppet: Your mom was a sheep.
Near-Puppet: Your mom was a circus act.
Near-Puppet: We could do better, but we're keeping this rated T.
(Author: If it kills me.)
Question: L: Are you related to a panda/raccoon?
Light-Puppet: Probably a raccoon, because he eats garbage.
Question: Matt: Would 'Gamer' be a species of it's own?
Matt-Puppet: I like to think that I'm in a league of my own.
Question: Mello: are you goth?
Mello-Puppet: I don't like to label my unique personal style. Actually, I do like to call it 'Dark Sexyluscious'.
Matt-Puppet: I can confirm that he likes to call it that. This is not a good thing.
Question: Wow, I got more questions than I thought I would. I love this fic!
Author: That is not a question, it is attention for me! Thank you, and, Oh my god!
Ok, so that's the last of the questions and attention for me.
Here are the answers form last time:
Mello-puppet = Near, L-puppet = Mello, Near-puppet = Misa, Misa-puppet = Light, Light-puppet = L, BB-puppet = Matt and Matt-Puppet = BB
Everybody who guessed was right!
Thanks to Amani Hershel, BeyondBeleif13, LittleFanGirl, and Miss Bright for indulging me while I played puppets with myself for attention and to work through my mental problems, for which I desperately need therapy. This fic could be said to be a cry for help, with each chapter update going directly to the Illuminati List of Abject Crazy People (instead of the regular FBI watchlist all my other updates go to).
Anyway, thanks for the questions, but I like the ending the way it is, so no more. I'm sure that 'Ask _' fics will be with us for a long time to come, so you won't have to miss a single chance to ask fan authors what cartoon-character briefs they think Matsuda wears. And, joking aside, there's nothing wrong with that.
Answers for this time:
Everyone was themselves.