The sixth keg

The sorting hat has a story of Hogwarts founders to tell in this Potter poem.

This piece is inspired by - and next to guilty of copyright infringement of - Loke Nyberg's song "Den sj├Ątte tunnan". Characters belong to Rowling.


There were bad times afoot, there was war, strife and angst
And much suffering for all concerned
At the darkest of hours four warlords would meet
And the greatest of them would be crowned

Rowena enchantress, clever and cruel
With the light of fey in her eyes
Riding a unicorn, mighty and proud
Where it walked, the ground froze into ice

Godric the slayer with blood on his sword
Riding a fiery steed
Twenty-two knights with no fear in their hearts
Followed him, eager for deed

Salazar, beast-master, cunning as few
With a pack of monsters at heel
With claws, fangs and scales, they were terrible foes
A menace only too real

Helga, the leader, of women and men
Whenever she talked she was heard
Her army consisted of twelve-hundred arms
Each and one of them bound by her word

From north and from south, from east and from west
Did they travel, each of the four
To the hamlet of Hogwarts, there would they meet
To by council put end to the war

The farmers of Hogwarts roasted an ox
Cooked a hen and opened a barrel
Of the finest of meads, thus by food and by drink
They did hope to avoid any quarrel

In the great hall of Hogwarts a table was laid
A table with sides that were four
Neither was longer than one of the rest
That none of them would feel formore

"I will rule, by my strength," that was Godric's demand
And his ironclad fist hit the table
"My rule will be fair," said Rowena "and wise"
"Of us four - only I will be able"

"The weak will be culled," Salazar said with a hiss
"And the strong ones by right will be stronger"
Spoke Helga: "None will be formore or less"
My rule lasts for a century or longer"

Hot words were spoken, hot steel was drawn
And in hot blood hot spells were cast
The four of them saw that if nothing was done
Not a single of them would last

Up piped a voice "Good folks, please lay your swords
And your wands to the side before woe
There are far better ways to settle your strife
Let the keg our ruler bestow"

It was the youngest lad from the hamlet of Hogwarts
A peasant of no land or name
But his words sounded wise and his plan sounded fair
So the warlords accepted his claim

And in came the keg - Yeah, the very first keg
The first keg in that mighty fine hall
And the warlords they drank from that bottomless tank
'til it seemed like the very sea level sank
An' they drank from the keg, yeah, finished the first keg
And Godric drank most courageous of all

And in came the keg - Yeah in came the second keg
Second keg in that mighty fine hall
And the warlords did boast after each and every toast
'bout their prowess and deeds - enough to embarrass a ghost
An' they drank from the keg, yeah they finished second keg
And Salazar drank faster than them all

And in came the keg - Yeah in came the third keg
The third keg in that mighty fine hall
And the warlords would hug, they would kiss and they would chug
They were best of friends in all the world until they lost their jug
An' they drank from the keg, yeah they finished the third keg
And the friendly Helga drank for them all

And in came the keg - Yeah in came the fourth keg
The fourth keg in the mighty fine hall
And the warlords made schemes of such grandiose extremes
That their common rule would last a thousand years - at least in their dreams
An' they drank from the keg, yeah they finished the fourth keg
And Rowena drank most grandiose of all

For Helga they cheered - hipp hooray
For Rowena they cheered - hipp hooray
For Godric they cheered - hipp hooray
For Salazar they cheered - hipp hooray
An' for Hogwarts they cheered - hipp hooray
An' for the young lad they cheered - hipp horray

And in came the keg - Yeah in came the fifth keg
The fifth keg in that mighty fine hall
They praised the young man and his peace-making plan
"We are in your debt, young master Peeves, for as long as we can"
An' they drank from the keg, yeah they finished the fifth keg
And the founders drank for them all

And in came the keg - Yeah in came the sixth keg
The last keg in that mighty fine hall
And of the four all you could hear was the snore
As the four friends slept together in a pile on the floor
An' who drank from the keg, yeah who finished the last keg?
Master Peeves drank the last pint of them all

You may think that I jest for it's much to digest
But Master Peeves drank the last pint of them all

The sorting hat, resting on the small pedestal in the middle of the table surrounded by bottles, pints, jugs and small kegs, finished the song, drawing out the last words. Hagrid and Slughorn sat with their arms around each other and sang the chorus with a rhythm and melody that was all of their own device. "An in cam anotha' keg yeah in camma... eight? keg, anotha' keg in the might'fine hall..." they roared, not at all deferred by the fact that the song had ended. Dumbledore conducted them with his uninjured hand, his wand emitting multi colour sparkles. Flitwick and Burbage cheered and applauded. Trelawney had fallen to the floor, shrieking with laughter and above it all Peeves and Fawkes bobbed, chattering and squawking excitedly.

By the window in the other end of the staff room sat Snape and McGonagall, eating in silence of the Christmas lunch, taking in the spectacle with disapproval. As the song finally ended and Hagrid and Slughorn finally managed to lose their balance and crash to the floor McGonagall caught Snape's eye and raised her small glass in a quiet toast. With a curt nod he returned the gesture.