"Tony, what´s wrong?" Tim sits up straight, straddles Tony while his watches him with his big green eyes. "Nothing, go on," Tony says, but Tim doesn´t move. Doesn´t reach for the condoms, doesn´t kiss him and just stares at him. Okay, maybe it´s not that surprising that Tim doesn´t believe him. His body tells the truth anyway.
"Is this how it´s going to be? You trying to get laid so that you don´t have to talk?" Tony closes his eyes. He just can´t look at Tim right now. Somehow he hopes this will all go away in a couple of minutes. He will be fine. Everyone told him so. He will be fine. And then Tim will be fine too. So he doesn´t have to worry. Just don´t look at him now, and it will all go away.
"Oh come on, asshole! Don´t shut me out!" Well, that was not what Tony was expecting to hear. Tim is the patient one. He usually waits and gives in. But he knows something is wrong.
Time to open your eyes and face the truth, DiNozzo.
And Tim says nothing. He is still sitting on top of him, not hard anymore, and that is no surprise at all. No, sickness is a mood killer. Or maybe it´s Tony who expertly killed the mood. By telling IT. By being the weak one. A weak Anthony DiNozzo is not a turn on, that´s for sure. He´s got visual evidence to proof it.
"So… " Tim starts.
"So…" Tony answers. "I…Don´t freak out, but… I got the results back this morning. When I said I was going to the dentist. But I wasn´t. You know. But I didn´t want you to worry. So I said the dentist. But they wanted to see me in person. That´s when I knew that… the test had come back positive."
"Oh Jesus oh Jesus oh Jesus!" Tim´s eyes grow wider and Tim is definitely freaking out. "What happened? How is that even possible? We´re always careful. ALWAYS Tony! Oh Jesus! Oh…"
"No no!" Tony reaches for Tim´s wrists in an attempt to calm him down. "No! No it´s not THAT. God No! No, it´s just… I´ve got cancer, Tim."
Tim freezes, his face even paler than it already was. "I don´t know if I should be relieved. " He waits, has one of his internal dialogues and makes his decision. "I´m not relieved Tony. "
And Tony starts repeating the things they had said to him. Detected at an early stage. Non-invasive treatment and he would be fine. As good as new.
But he doesn´t say that the doctor had said that he was lucky. LUCKY! How on earth was he lucky? Should he be HAPPY about this? What the fuck? He had been happy last month, when Tim had given him the watch with inscription. A romantic gesture like that would normally make him want to vomit, but really, his heart had been racing and he couldn´t stop reading the text over and over again. Who would have known that Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo would fall for things like these. Words. Lurv U, T.
He had been happy last week, when Jethro had obeyed him instead of Tim. Yeah, that dog knows who his daddy is. And no, it has nothing to do with the fact that Tony slips him all kinds of cookies and treats whenever McCesarMilan isn´t paying attention.
And he had been happy yesterday even, when Tim asked him if he wanted to come home with him after work. Because Jethro missed him (and his cookies) so much.
"When were you going to tell me? Were you even planning on telling me?" Tim´s voice takes him back to reality. Back to this bed. Their bed. Where they were about to make love, if Tony´s stupid, stupid body just had cooperated. Tony´s body which survived all kinds of attacks, but only those from the outside. This was new, his own body betraying him, trying to kill him.
"Huh?" Tony says. And then: "Yeah. Sure… Of course! What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?" Tim tries not to answer that. Instead, he climbs of the bed and wanders around, looking for his boxers. These kind of conversations don´t work naked. He just knows they don´t. When he finally finds his black boxers in the corner on the floor, he puts them on and holds on to them like that was going to make the difference. Holding ons to something. Tony just sits there in bed. Their bed. With his back against the head board, looking down at the comforter which suddenly lacks the softness and shine that it had earlier on.
Tony is beautiful, he´s the guy that always smiles. Sometimes his smiles are small and real. Tim likes those smiles the best. And then there are other times, when Tony´s smile is wide and fake. But still, it is a smile.
But Tony´s not smiling now. He´s just looking. And Tim doesn´t know what to say. He doesn´t know how he can make it all better. So he takes off his boxers again and slips back in bed. He pulls Tony to his chest en kisses him. And finally Tony looks at him and kisses him back.