A/N: Okay so this is my first post so please be nice:} and I couldn't post my first story without giving a huge thanks to the awesome writer that is housemdfan101 for her advice on my stories. So without further rambling please enjoy.
"Hey Bells, where should I put this box?" Jasper questioned in a strained tone the weight of the box making his knees buckle.
"Well it does say kitchen on it so put in the bathroom will you." I give him a little smile trying not to be to mean.
Jasper dropped the box and took a look around my brand new apartment. I knew he was slightly jealous the place was big and in a good area of the city ten minutes from work and I got it at a steal of a price. I just wonder how no one had snatched it up already. It has a nice view, hardwood floors and fully fitted kitchen hell I wonder how I even got it.
"Thanks again for helping me out. I really needed some strong guys to help me out but since they couldn't come you're a real life saver." I punch Jaspers shoulder lightly.
"Hey I heard that and you might not want to quit your day job just yet because that joke was lame."
"Isn't there an half empty piano bar somewhere just waiting on your particular musical styling's don't let me keep you Edward I wouldn't want to upset your fans."
"Nah I'm good the drunks can wait plus I just wanted to see how you were after you know everything."
You think I had never broken up with anyone before the way they expected me to be sobbing into a carton of Ben and jerry's watching reruns of grey's anatomy.
"I'm fine I'm over it, you guys wont have to pick up the slack at work if that's what your worried about."
"We're just worried about you bells you seem too okay with this." Jasper put his arm around my shoulder and I shrugged it off.
"That's because I am." I spit a curtly.
Edward came to stand closer to Jasper taking his hand and I turned away from them to sort out some boxes on the floor.
"Don't worry about work. You can take as much time as you need. I was speaking to my parents today and they said you're always welcome to dinner. Esme misses you around the house and so do I and I know Alice wouldn't want you to stop talking to Esme."
I stopped a little at my ex-girlfriends name it still hurt a little but I was fine. With my new place was a new beginning. I set up some photo of mom and I to help make the place a little more like home.
After the guys helped me with my boxes they had to leave for work but I had taken the day off to get settled. I looked to my watch it was still pretty early but I was exhausted so I just collapsed on the mattress in my new room and I passed out pretty quickly.
"Bang. Bang thud bang"
What the hell is that racket? I tried to pry open my eyes to look at the time on my phone. Two am this has got to be a joke I have to get up in six hours. I pulled the pillow over my head in an attempt to drown it out.
Twenty slow noise filled minutes had passed and the noise was still thrumming through the seemingly paper thin walls. I can't take much more of this. I punched the wall as hard as I could.
"Will you quit it with the drums some of us have to work in the morning!" I yelled into the empty room. I gave it a second and pressed my ear to the wall to see if the perpetrator had stopped their incessant drumming. After a minute of silence the feeling of relaxation took over me and I climbed under the sheets and tried to find sleep again.
"Bang, thud, bang clash."
My eyes flashed open it was even louder than before. Now they were just trying to piss me off. "Come on!" I grabbed my pillow and headed to the living room to settle on the couch but as soon as my head hit the pillow I could still hear the faint sounds of drums.
I rolled to stretch my arm and had a sudden sinking feeling as my back hit the hardwood floors.
"Shit, fuck ouch that hurt." I rubbed my sore back.
I took a glance around the sparse apartment. It was like it was someone else's it doesn't feel like mine and it was too quite. When I lived with Alice there would always be music in the mornings. I looked out the window the sun was high in the sky but I'm no cowboy so that don't mean crap to me. I got up and headed over to the kitchen the microwave was flashing eight forty five.
"Shit." I spat running into my bedroom for clothes.
I checked my watch again as I locked the front door nine fifteen. I was only an hour and fifteen minutes late with traffic I should get there soon. My phone was buzzing against my leg and I sideswiped someone in the hall.
"Watch where you going!" The blonde yelled at my back.
I mumbled a sorry as I ran for the stairs. I checked my cell quickly to find I had seven missed calls from Jazz and Ed.
I got in my truck and pushed the old beast as fast as it would go it wasn't like me to be late but now everyone is going to think it was because of her. When I got to the bar I parked in the first spot I could find and straightened myself before I got out. I knew she was working front of house today; I had to be late today of all days. I checked my hair and it was kind of sloppy and tied back a little too loose but I don't have time to worry.
I got into the kitchen to see Jasper and Angela were backlogged with order so I jumped right into action.
"What happened where have you been?" Jasper asked in a low whisper.
"It nothing Jazz I just forgot to set my alarm. It won't happen again." I promised him.
I put some food up at the pass and checked the plates and rang the bell. I was expecting Ben or Jessica to pick them up but no not with my luck today.
"Hey, where were you this morning?" Alice asked somewhat concerned but why did she care? My life has nothing to do with her anymore.
"I just slept in." I turned my back quickly and focused back on my work. Why does it seem like I have to say everything one thousand times?
After the breakfast rush then the lunch rush I was exhausted. I grabbed a bottle of water and headed to sit at the back exit. I closed my eyes and sighed as the feeling of the cool breeze washed over me.
"Hey bell can we talk?" sounded the one voice I would rather not hear ever again since it told me to get out her life. I knew it was her no one had that high but soft as wind chimes voice and no one else called me Bell.
The nickname was a funny thing I was instantly reminded of how it came about. We were on the couch watching old Disney movies and she said I looked like Belle from beauty and the beast and I said that that made her the beast and then she hit me so I told her she reminded me more of chip anyway. She's small but spunky and never lets her size get in her way she wasn't perfect she had her own little chips but I loved everyone of them. They made her unique.
"I just wanted to see how you were doing. I mean you show up looking like you haven't slept and over an hour late. I didn't think I …"
"You think this is because of you? Please. I have a life outside of you Alice. My breaks over I need to get back to work."
I throw the bottle in the trash and head back into the kitchen slamming the door behind me. It's always got to be about her.
No one spoke to me for the rest of my shift. I think I was giving out an 'ask questions and die' kind of atmosphere which was working just fine for me.
When I got back to my empty apartment I felt like death. I managed just enough energy to have a shower and then collapsed on the mattresses that made up my bed and seconds later I felt finally relaxed.
"Bang, clash, thud, and thud."
No! This was not happening again. Not tonight this was the wrong night to mess with my sleep. I needed my sleep it was the one place I could escape.
"Hey 2-B with the fucking drums shut the hell up." I banged on the wall in-between every word to emphasis my point.
Again the drumming just got louder. I don't know what this guy's problem was but he was an ignorant son of a bitch.
"Look it's early and I have to work tomorrow please, please just for one night that's all I ask.' I slumped my forehead against the wall praying he would listen. After a few seconds of quite I didn't let my guard down then a minute passed then another and not one symbol or snare sounded. "Thank you" I shouted again with a slight smile finally little peace at last.
"Bang, bang, bang," the drums sounded again.
I balled my hands into fist in a vain attempt to pull out my own hair. How could anyone else stand this? I should call the building manager or write a strongly worded letter. Screw It I'm going over. I threw on a t-shirt and some sweatpants and headed for the door when sudden realization hit me. What if he's crazy? Or some sort of murderer who likes to play the drums to attract unsuspecting victims to his apartment. I paused at the door but I could still her the sounds of the drums echoing though the door of my room much more of this and I would be the crazy one.
I got to the front of 2-B and paused my fist over the glossy red door now or never. I knock loudly three times in quick succession and crossed my arms over my chest and tried my hardest to stare down the door.
"What! Mike if that's you again I'm going to shove that bass up your…"
It wasn't what I expected he was a she and she was stunning like I think I gulped stunning I took a step back she looked a little pissed as she flung her long blond hair over her shoulder and huffed.
"You, you're the one that verve-ed me in the hall this morning."
I did what to her? I had no idea what she was on about maybe she was crazy. I had never seen her before in my life.
"I did what?"
"You verve-ed me you know like on that music video where the guys walking down the street and just knocks into random people the band was called 'the verve`. `'
Oh I knocked into her. Why didn't she just say that? That's not even the point.
"Look I'm sorry about that but I'm here to ask you to please stop the drumming. I have to work in the morning."
"Why's that my problem?" she asked with no hint of sarcasm.
I was a little taken aback at her answer. "I guess its not but I was hoping you'd be polite enough."
"Yeah well you hoped wrong."
She slammed the door on my face and I was left standing in the cold hall thinking what the hell just happened? I knocked on the door again. She opened it again with a smirk. I think she was enjoying this.
"Look if you don't quit it I'm going to call the building manager."
The blonde just scoffed at the idea. "Try it I've lived in this building six years you're my seventeenth neighbor. Lets see what happens." I had no doubt she was telling the truth as she flashed a toothy grin in my direction.
"But I have to get some sleep, I have to work for a living. Don't you work or do you spend you days pissing off people that have had bad fucking days."
"Yeah I work and part of my work is practicing so don't think you're the only one that's had a tough day. You don't know tough."
I forgot about what started this or how cold it was or even what time it was and just stared into her baby blue eyes and dared her. We seem to have moved fractionally closer.
"I don't have time for this." She moved back to her apartment and stretched behind the door. I noticed she grabbed a jacket the she brushed past me and let the door lock closed behind her. I watched as she walked the along the hall and turned into the stairs. That was it I was expecting a bit more of a fight but at least I knew I would get some sleep. I headed back to my place it seemed even better knowing I would finally get some peace and quiet.
The Lunch rush is my least favorite time of the day I thought randomly as a watched the clock knowing that soon the doors would be flung open and I would be back logged with order every five minutes and the people who 'didn't want cheese' or 'I asked for this plain' and ' I thought this was low fat'. Those people could fuck off the farthest. I caught my reflection on the side of one of the toaster ovens and noticed the bags under my eyes. I hadn't slept for two weeks and I tried everything earplugs, music. Hell I even called the police but she just charmed her way out of it. Damn blonde with her long legs and long hair and being beautiful screw her. I mindlessly cooked the orders like a zombie or more efficient robot. It was second nature I had worked here for three years and the menu hasn't changed all that much since then. I was lucky to get this job but I have great friends and they have great families so when Edward and Alice's grandparents basically handed this place over to them they asked if we wanted to buy shares and fix the old place up and I was all to happy to help.
I smiled faintly as I remembered the old days when everything was new and exciting. The lunch rush was starting to fade out and I gave a sigh of relief.
"Hey Bells someone is here to see you." Jasper shouted though from the bar.
I wondered who it could be? I walked into the bar there were only six or seven people eating and I recognized non of them I walked over to jazz and he pointed to the back of the room where there was some booths we only ever used at night.
As soon as I got close enough my eyes adjusted to the harsh lighting and I smelled something familiar like lemons and fresh cut grass, like spring. In that moment I knew who it was because Alice smelled the same she said 'the perfume reminded her of her mom.'
'Hello Esme, how are you?' I asked politely
"Hello Bella dear I'm okay thank you for asking and how are you?"
I fidgeted under her gaze her mossy green eyes making me feel so uneasy when I usually felt such comfort. Esme was like a mother to me and it was something I cherished but I thought I had lost that since Alice and I were no longer together.
"I'm fine." I mumbled under my breath and took a seat in the booth near the edge.
"I wanted to invite you to dinner tonight. I hate to think of you alone."
I didn't mind being alone, "I don't mind being alone" and the last thing I wanted was to be invited to a pity party.
"I know but I miss having you at the house and I have all these new recipes I wanted to get your opinion on, please." She pleaded.
I thought it over for a minute. Alice might be there and that place reminded me of her so much but I didn't want to lose my relationship with Esme I just thought it was inevitable that she would dislike me now that Alice and I are no longer together.
"I don't know if that's best, we're not on the best terms right now. Its hard to explain". I had hardly see Alice since I kind of yelled at her. I had only seen glimpses of her from the front doors and occasionally from the small pass window that looks from the kitchen to the dinning room but other than that we hadn't spoken at all.
"We all love you Bella, but that's fine if you don't want to come I won't make you." Esme spoke defeated.
I groaned she had a worse pout than Alice. "What time is dinner?" I asked annoyed as hell.
"Seven o'clock sharp." Esme smiled and gave me a warm hug before waving goodbye to Jasper.
I walked up to the bar and asked jazz for a coke before I had to go home to get ready for dinner.
"Are you going to be at the Cullen's tonight for dinner?"
"Nope some people have to work to keep this place afloat."
"Ha you don't have to tell me twice." I wanted to ask if Alice was working tonight but I didn't want to seem like I was hung up on her. I would find out tonight either way.
Dinner at the Cullen house was always a grand affair. Esme was the perfect housewife and that was a skill in itself. I sat at the table with Carlisle and Edward and they were speaking animatedly about some game. Baseball I think, Edward is a big Baseball fan. The table was only set for four to which I was glad. It would have been interesting thou to hear about what Alice had been up to? How she's handling things? To look in her eyes and see if she still loved me. I knew I still loved her but she's the one that left me, she left me. Trying to get her back would be useless.
I decided to spend my day off doing laundry, Ah the excitement of a precisely folded t-shirt. If the chef thing doesn't work out I could always get a job at the gap.
I grabbed my laundry basket and trudged up the three flights of stairs. I was debating in my head weather or not I should take a nap. I was running on mainly caffeine these days and I should take advantage of the Hale free hours. I recently saw the blond getting her mail and the name on her locker was R Hale. I wonder how she styles her hair so you can't see the horns.
As I reached the top of the stairs I tried to balance the basket so I could get my keys but tripped on the last step.
"Bell, are you ok?"
No not today, why did I have to be so prone to falling? It's not fair. I looked to the familiar voice and instantly wondered why she was here.
"Alice, what are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk, to make sure you are okay."
I started picking up my clothes and threw them haphazardly into the basket. Alice bent down to give me a hand and I said a quiet thank you. I caught her gaze and her face was so familiar and comforting. The idea of being together again was so comforting. I let myself get lost in thoughts.
Once inside the apartment Alice started to look around inspecting everything. She always did think of herself as an interior designer of sorts. She picked up a photo of Charlie and I taken shortly after graduation.
"No pictures of us?"
"Forgive me if I didn't want reminders."
"That's a little harsh." Alice placed the frame back on the table.
She thought that was harsh. Yeah cause I have to be the bad one, "harsh…harsh" I rolled the word around in my mouth trying to understand how it related to me. "There just photographs…I'm reminded of you everyday I can't listen to music or take a shower without being reminded of you. I wake up every morning to an empty space on my bed wishing it was you." I travelled into the kitchen area in need of a drink. 'So if I'm the harsh one…please tell me what that makes you." I tried to keep the tears out of my eyes blinking them slowly away.
Alice just continued to look anywhere but where I was standing. She looked like she wanted to say something so I waited in silence.
I do have pictures of us just not specifically. I kept one of my favorite pictures on the fridge it was of Alice, Edward, Jasper and I at Seahawks game years ago and we were all huddled together for warmth. Opening the fridge I offered her a drink, which she politely declined, but I'm still wondering why exactly is she here.
"You're probably wondering why I'm here." Alice stated taking a seat on the couch making her self at home.
She always could read me like a book, "It did cross my mind." I sipped on my beer and took a seat in the armchair.
"I'm here because you're not taking care of yourself."
"I'm fine, see look at me." I gestured to myself. "If you don't like it feel free to leave." I took another swig of my beer.
"I don't like this side of you bell." Alice whispered to the floor.
I instantly wanted to apologize but why should I? I begged her not to leave me begged and it was useless. "Well if you don't like it then leave that's what you're good at after all."
"See this is what I mean!" Alice got up from the couch but it didn't make much of a height difference. She furrowed her brow and put her hands on her hips with a sigh "This is what you do." She motioned around the room. "You shut yourself off and bottle everything up! I'm not saying you have to talk to me but please talk to someone."
"Who are you to tell me how to live my life?" I yelled slightly louder than I meant to. "I put you above everything! I loved you…I still love you. Why? Why wasn't it good enough to make you stay."
"I still care about you! I'll never stop caring about you." Alice took a step forward and I froze. "It's not about being good enough it's about being happy I want you to be happy bell."
"Please don't do this to me. It's hard enough already without you…without you telling me all this please just go." I asked never taking my eyes off the ground I heard a noise and slumped back into the chair.
I was just about to doze off when there was a sharp knock at the door. I looked through the peephole first. Hale, was my first thought. I wonder what she wants. I opened the door and we were eye to eye and I was surprised to see her wearing converse it didn't seem like her style. "What?" I asked annoyed.
"I don't do this a lot so you should appreciate how momentous this is but I wanted to…that is…I think my actions were a little."
"What are you trying to say? Does this even have a point or is this one of the many annoy the hell out of me plots you se."
"Would you just shut the hell up and let me apologize" she cut me off. "I was wondering if you would like to go to the bar across the street for a few drinks as my apology for being a bit of a bitch."
Ha 'a bit'. I looked at the empty beer in my hand. I could use a drink but I didn't even know her first name. Maybe its better she doesn't know me, "sure."
I stepped back into my apartment to get a jacket and my keys.
"I'm Rosalie by the way."
"Bella" I reply simply.
I follow Rosalie in silence to the little Irish pub across the street from our apartment I had seen it in passing but I had never been inside. The dull roar of the crowd filled the small room and there was some sports news on the T.V, which had many of the men's interest. Rosalie found a small table far from the bar and I slung my jacket over the chair and sat down.
"What do you want to drink?"
I moved to hand her some money but she refused to take it.
"This ones on me remember."
"Jack and coke please." I was glad that we both could be civil maybe we just got off on the wrong foot. Rosalie was back quickly with out drinks and I wasn't surprised that she got served quickly at such a crowded bar and neither did she.
There was an awkward silence and I wondered if I should try and make conversation.
"I heard yelling coming from your apartment. I don't mean to be nosey but is everything okay?" Rosalie asked and I was surprised at how I wasn't bothered by her delve into my personal life.
"It was my ex she just kind of dropped by unexpectedly and I wasn't really prepared for it. It just seems like all we do is argue about nothing." Rosalie looked a little shock probably catching on to the fact that I said ex and she most people didn't think I was gay.
"I know what that's like," Rosalie let out a huffed laugh." Why did you break-up?"
I thought about Rosalie's question and the last month in my head and I couldn't think clearly like it wasn't there. There was no good reason it was all a blur of moments. "I don't really remember I know that sounds stupid. Things were really great between us I even thought about asking her to marry me and I hate marriage. I think it's a stupid institution that's just a piece of paper but with her it was like I wanted to make her mine forever. Then it's like all of a sudden one day we're arguing and she's never there and I'm moving out. " I shifted in my chair I was a little uncomfortable sharing all of this but it was nice just to vent and not have to worry about what she thinks of me. I wonder what brought on this sudden change in her attitude anyway. "So why may I ask did you decide to apologize? As you said its not something you do often."
"Well I'm trying something new," She said with a sad smile. "I was in a band with my ex she played bass… and I found out she was cheating on me with the lead singer who was also my friend."
I wanted to say wow it seemed like a plot out a daytime T.V show. I was wonder if she left out the part about her twin trying to take the family fortune for herself.
"That's horrible I'm sorry I hate people that cheat. I have no idea how you would deal with something like that."
"Well I quit the band obviously and I haven't spoken to either of them since and I've just been working and taking out my frustration on the drums. I was talking to my friend Emmett and I told him about you and he may have pointed out the fact that I may have taken out some of my frustration on you and I'm sorry about that it wasn't my intention."
I looked at Rosalie and for once all the anger and the hate I had for her didn't seem to be there anymore. Maybe because I felt she meant the apology or because she's been through so much and I can relate or maybe because she said she talks about me to her friends. "I forgive you and I'm sorry about the yelling and the calling the cops and posting a flyer in the reception saying you were looking for a ball gag and calling you a bitch."
"You never called me a bitch." Rosalie stated confused.
"Not to your face." I said a little embarrassed.
She slammed her drink back on the table and started to laugh so loud it caught the attention of the surrounding tables.
"So what do you do?" I asked interested to know what she does for a living. I would guess modeling or music teacher maybe.
"I'm a structural engineer mostly buildings and non-buildings."
Damn that I was not expecting. "Non-buildings?" I questioned.
"Yeah things like bridges and stuff things that aren't designed for people to live in."
"Wow I'm impressed engineer by day drummer by night. Where do you find the time?"
"I think that was one of the problems between me and Leah I wasn't there enough. Music is my passion I think I would go crazy without it. I need it like I need air. When I'm drumming I get lost and everything else fades away. Do you know what that's like?"
"Yeah I do. It was always my dream to be a chef. I kind of wanted to be like the ones on T.V with the cool catchphrases. Now that I do what I love everyday I think I'm starting to lose my passion for it a little its starting to feel more like a job everyday."
"Well maybe you need to spice things up."
"Ha that was lame but I liked it maybe that can be my catchphrase."
"So where do you work? Maybe I've been there"
"It's a little place not that far from here called 'table twenty one'." I wondered if she had eaten there before there was a good chance.
"Yeah I know that place I've never been in myself but I've heard good things."
"That's good it's nice to get good reviews. So do you think you'll start a new band?" I was interested in maybe having the chance to see her play instead of hearing it muffled through walls.
"Well a few of my friends I was in the band with before said that if I started a new band they would join but I don't know if I can trust them anymore after the whole Leah thing. They knew she was cheating on me they may have even helped her for all I know. I feel so stupid complaining about this."
Rosalie rolled her eyes and took another sip from her drink. It's hard to believe that anyone would cheat on her. "It's hard to believe anyone would cheat on you." I stated without really thinking.
"I don't know" I looked at the table tracing a pattern in the wood with my finger. "You're beautiful, smart, talented and kind of nice when you want to be?" I stated the facts.
Rosalie leaned back in her chair with a sigh. "Thanks most people just stop at beautiful like that's supposed to make me happy."
"If beauty could make us happy there would be a lot more flowers and a lot less hate." I stared into the blackness of my drink and thought about how beautiful the color is and how it reminded me of silken hair.
"Ah but that's the thing isn't it people want all the beautiful things and they forget there all useless; sunrise useless, stars useless, lilies useless."
Rosalie got lost in a list of naming things and I thought over what she said. Did she really think of herself as useless? I finished my drink and offered to get another to which she nodded.
I set down the drinks and took my seat when Rose raised her glass high in the air. "I think we need a toast…to relationships…to love."
"Why love?" neither of us should be thanking love right now. Love is horrible, "love is horrible."
"Exactly!" Rosalie exclaimed, "to love may we never get held hostage by it again."
Rosalie downed half her drink in one gulp and I took another dainty sip thinking one of us should make sure we could walk home.
"You know what the worst thing about Leah was?" Rosalie questioned me and I had no idea what she expected me to say. "She said 'I hope we can stay friends' that was just kicking me when I'm down I mean who wants to stay friends with an ex that cheated on you?"
"Alice and I are still friends." I blurted then realized this was the first time I said her name and I didn't have that sinking feeling in my stomach it must be the jack. "I mean she didn't cheat on me so it's not the same but we are still talking. I guess it's because we've been together a long time and we have the same friends and stuff."
"When did you meet?"
"Senior year in high school I knew I liked her because I always sat the uncomfortable way in my chair in English so I could get a better view of her. It was the only class we had together." My memory flashed back and I could practically feel the pain in my back from the memory. I touched my back to make sure there was nothing there and there wasn't.
"Wow that's a long time longer than any relationship I've had but I liked to play the field when I was in high school."
We slowly finished our drinks Talking about many random things to get to know someone. Rosalie seemed overtly interested in what I had to say but I found her stories more interesting. We sobered up a little for the short journey home. Where I had a feeling I would be getting a peaceful sleep tonight.
I looked at Edward and begged in my mind that he would say yes.
"Why do we need a new menu? The one we have is fine and we risk losing our customer base if it doesn't work out."
Edward was right but I hoped he had enough faith in me to let me try I looked at Jazz and Angela and I couldn't read what they thought of my idea of a new menu.
"Come on Edward its been the same for years I need a change."
"I think it's a good idea Edward change the place up a little I'm sure whatever Bella makes will bring in even more customers. She knows what they like." Jazz smiled and put his hand over Edwards.
"Okay what about a compromise switch out half the menu and if that works then next month we'll talk about the rest."
"Yes thanks Edward I know its going to be great." I hugged Edward, I was so happy he said yes I already had so many ideas. I could stay late tonight and try some.
I was so excited to try some of my new recipes that the day seemed to fly by and I was waving goodbye to Jasper as he pulled away in his truck. Jasper always thought this may not be the south but I can still drive like it is. How that made any sense I do not know.
After a few failed attempts at trying to make a stew I decided to switch and started making a roux. Which reminded me of the time I spent living in Jacksonville with my mom southern cooking just seems to have so much soul to it and I think that's what this place needed. I kept stirring and tasting as the roux got nice and dark. I glance over my shoulder in search of a spoon when I realized the time it was almost midnight. I finished the roux and put it in the fridge excited to finish some more ideas for tomorrow I had already written them all down. Wait I won't be able to finish it tomorrow that's my day off. Damn I better leave a note for Angela telling her not to touch this. I stuck a yellow stick not to the container and popped it in the fridge.
As I reached the last steps to my apartment I noticed a head of blond hair whipping around and I gave a short wave and mouthed hi.
"Hey Bella…how are you?" Rosalie looked unusually nervous she played with the keys in her hands and wouldn't look me in the eye and there was none of her usual snark.
"I'm good just had a late night at work I convinced them to let me try out a new menu. Trying to spice things up," I added stupidly. Why did I say that? I better say something else. "You heading out?" I questioned stupidly again of course she was captain obvious.
"Yeah I'm just going to a friends place. Your welcome to come if you want." Rosalie tagged on at the end and it was a nice offer but I was so tired.
I smiled at the offer, "thanks but I'm really tired maybe another time."
I started to walk to my door when I had a thought, "Hey Rose!" I shouted and she turned around with a smirk.
"If your not doing anything tomorrow I'm going to be trying out lots of stuff for the new menu and I hate to do it alone cause if I taste it a hundred times I start to hate it."
Her face lit up and she replied, "Yeah I would love to try some of your stuff. What time?"
"Say about six."
"Sure that's great see you tomorrow Bella." Rosalie spoke as she headed down the steps.
Great now I have to clean as well as cook. I took a quick look around and it wasn't to bad shouldn't take that long tomorrow to clean maybe dust a bit. As I climbed into bed and closed my eyes I couldn't help but think that something was missing.
I put the last tray in the oven making doubly sure it was set to the right temperature and I check the time. They should be ready for six.
"Hey something smells great"
I spun around on my heel and grabbed onto the counter for balance's sake. There was a flash of black hair and Alice saw suddenly standing looking over the stove smelling the several different dishes.
"Don't you knock? You can't just come into peoples apartments whenever you feel like it."
"Nope not other peoples just yours come on we lived together for years. Not like I was going to walk in on something I haven't seen before." She winked
I swallowed hard; I didn't know what to say to that Alice always had a way of making me nervous and stupid, like suddenly my brain just switched off. "What...What do you want?"
"You left this at the restaurant I thought you might need it." She pointed to the container with the yellow sticky note I left on it last night.
"Thanks, you didn't have to do that." I put the container in my own refrigerator.
"So I heard that you're making a new menu, very exciting."
"Yeah I thought it was time for a change." I hope she caught the double meaning.
"Yeah but you got to keep some of the classics. It gives the place history."
Histories overrated, "Maybe." Alice took a seat at the bar in the kitchen and I looked at the time Rose would probably show up soon. "You can't stay."
"Why not?" Alice asked indignantly her voice getting slightly high pitched.
"Because I'm having a friend over and we" I motioned between us. "Fight to much."
"Edward and jazz won't mind there used to it."
"Who said anything about Edward and jazz?" I asked confused
"Sorry when you said friend I just thought…" she trailed off implying I had very few friends.
"Hey I have friends! Just because you don't know them…"
"Okay I'll leave sheesh you don't have to get all menstrual about it." She joked. "So who is this new friend?"
I looked at Alice and she looked away, should I really tell her I have a beautiful blond woman coming to dinner but it wasn't like that with Rose we were just being polite the word friend itself was a stretch.
"Just a friend…a neighbor actually."
"Ohh" Alice seemed to relax a bit a soft smile still playing on her lips.
I looked to her lips then her eyes and remembered what it was like kissing her. She would always smile when I placed soft chaste kisses up her neck first. There was one spot that was extra ticklish just beneath her ear. I wonder if its still ticklish I took a step towards where she was sitting. Alice was like bottled sunshine she always brightened my day and if I was down would always have some saying like, 'when life gives you lemons make lemonade' or something as equally pie in the sky and I would always reply with something equally as nice like 'if life gives you Lemons chuck em' at people who pissed you off in the first place and laugh at their pain.'
"Bell…Bell you're doing that thing." Alice pointed at me and I got confused.
"That thing you do where you think about one thing but then ramble onto something completely different."
I don't do that? Do I? "I have no idea what you are talking about?"
"Really? Then tell me what were you thinking about?"
"Eh…lemons…" Why didn't I lie?
"Lemons?" Alice asked
"Yeah" I took a look around in hopes of finding something to save me from sounding like an idiot. "Lemons…It's a recipe with lemons and pie…it's a lemon pie recipe." I think she bought that.
"Okay then…I think I better get going." Alice hopped of he stool and I smelt something burning.
"Oh crap." I ran to the stove and turned the heat down to low.
I turned back to Alice but she was already gone. I looked around to the door and it was closed. Well at least she can see herself out as well as in.
It took about twenty minutes to finally set everything out on the kitchen table. It looked like there was enough to feed a small army but I wanted to try a lot of different things.
There was a sort knock on the door and I slightly ran to open it. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
"Hey…I was brought up never to show up to a dinner empty handed so here." Rosalie handed me a bottle of rosy wine.
I was thankful at the nice gesture but I wasn't much of a wine drinker. The bottle was starting to freeze my hand so I quickly moved into the kitchen and put it on the counter.
"I'm not much of a wine drinker," Rosalie professed, "but a friend told me to try this one and I like it so I thought you might."
"Thanks I'm not a big wine drinker either, can I take your coat" I stood behind Rosalie and took her jacket it was more of a jacket than a coat seeing as she just lived next door so probably thought a coat wasn't necessary.
"Wow is all this food just for us? How much do you think I eat?" We both laughed.
"I know its enough to feed a bear, but you don't have to eat everything just pick and choose and tell me what you like and don't and I can make a better decision."
"I should have brought Emmett he would love this and you wouldn't need to worry about leftovers."
"Well maybe next time you can invite him." I asked interested in meeting this Emmett she talked so much about.
I handed her a fork and got one for myself and I decided to try the cheese soufflé first.
After forty minutes of eating and a few glasses of wine I decided to put some music on low just for the background.
"Bella I'm telling you…you have to put that lasagna on the menu. I will walk to your restaurant everyday for one of those."
I was glad that Rose seemed to enjoy everything and was so enthused about it.
"I'll think about it I still have to run it by Edward and Jasper first."
"Well if they don't love it their idiots. Do you have any beers?"
"Yeah in the fridge help yourself." I adjusted the music and started to tidy up some of the plates.
"Hey is this your ex?"
Rosalie was holding the photograph of us at the Seahawks game.
"Yeah that's Alice."
"She's hot, I feel like I've seen her before." Rosalie brought the photo closer to her face then further away.
I grabbed it and put it back on the fridge. "Well most people notice her she's beautiful." In the photo Alice is shivering but still smiling away, bottled sunshine. "What she ever saw in me I don't know? I guess that's why I accepted the break up so easily. I think I always knew somewhere in the back of my mind it was to good to be true."
"You don't see yourself clearly at all do you." Rosalie muttered
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing it's okay." She actually smiled at me and not in an ironic way. Like she was actually glad. "I talked to Leah today, she wanted me to pick up some stuff I had left at her place basically saying here's your box of crap from my life."
"It's okay I'm over it she's better off with him." Rosalie waved it off.
"Him?" I questioned curiously I didn't know Leah left her for a guy.
"Yeah Sam, he was there too it got pretty ugly. We both have quite the temper."
"Did he touch you?" I questioned angrily at the thought of some guy hitting a woman.
"No he's an ass but no he'd be to afraid of Emmett to ever touch me but anyway I believe in Karma and if Karma has anything to say about it she'll get hers."
"How long did you and Leah date?"
"Ah…about three or four months give or take depends when you count it from first kiss, first time we hooked up or from when we first met."
"So was it like love at first sight?"
"No I don't believe in love at first sight. Do you?"
"Have you ever seen the movie 'imagine me and you'?"
"Yes I have seen it, it's a great movie.'
"I believe what she says about love I think you know immediately. As soon as your eyes meet... Then everything that happens from then on just proves that you have been right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize that you were incomplete and now you are whole...and the fact that I can quote it means I've seen it way to much." I laugh a little swayed by the alcohol.
"Yeah." Rosalie huffs "and lilies mean I dare you to love me."
"Maybe they do," I shrugged. "Do you want to watch some television?" I enquired seeing as it was still early.
I took a seat on the couch and Rosalie sat next to me leaving a small gap in the middle. I flicked on the T.V and E! Entertainment news came on instantly and I could feel my face heat up with embarrassment at the fact I watched E! I quickly flicked it over. I stopped when I heard Rachel shout 'its not that common it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal!' I put the remote down hoping Rose didn't mind.
"I love friends." Rosalie said and I instantly relaxed
"Yeah me to I was so hoping they would do a movie but I don't think that will happen now."
"Maybe it will we just have to hope they wont be able to find work and become desperate for money that they decide to exploited this once loved TV show."
"Yeah…I'll keep my fingers crossed."
After the show ended and another one began I noticed the rain start to lightly thud against the window and Rosalie's leg brushed against mine. I don't know when we had suddenly moved closer but it had happened and if I moved away now it would be overtly obvious. Rosalie leaned her head against my shoulder and our hair brushed together.
I was frozen I didn't know what to do, was she just tired from the food and the drinking should I move and let her lie down? All these questioned buzzed in my head. Rosalie turned her head and she was so close her lip grazed against my neck and I jumped off the couch.
"I'm sorry" Rosalie said quickly.
"Did you try to kiss me?" I questioned trying to make sure I was interpreting the situation correctly.
"I don't know maybe?"
"Cause it seems like you tried to kiss me." I said confused
"Look maybe I better go, your obviously not ready I'm sorry." Rose kept apologizing.
I was having a hard time putting two thoughts together. Rosalie wanted to kiss me…me. I didn't know how to feel I felt weird like guilt and excitement mixed together. I watched unable to speak or move as Rosalie got her jacket and left.
I sank into the couch, why didn't I stop her?
I needed to clear my head I grabbed my coat and went for a walk in the rain.
It had been five days since Rose had practically ran out of my apartment. I stood in the kitchen of table twenty one waiting for the next orders to shuffle in today was rather slow and Angela, Emily and I were all working in the kitchen so there was little work.
I walked to the bar to get a bottle of water and Jasper was there as usual charming all the evening customers and getting one to many phone numbers. I sat at the end of the bar and Jasper came straight over.
"Hey bells need a drink?"
"Water please Jazz."
"Coming up…so how have you been?" Jasper inquired with a raised eyebrow.
"Fine I guess I've been sleeping a lot better lately." But jasper didn't know that the absence of noise also meant the absence of Rosalie. Which after two days had me worried but now five I was in a panic. I thought about knocking on her door since I never saw her leave but I had no idea if she was even home and if I did what would I saw…'eh just checking you haven't died thanks'. I didn't know what to say Rosalie may want a relationship but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. Maybe I was just holding out that Alice and I would get back together.
"That's good but you seem a little distant lately, something weighing you down?"
Jasper is one of my closest friends and I couldn't help but pause a moment before I considered telling him.
"I had dinner with someone last night and well it got kind of awkward. She tried to kiss me and I kind of freaked out."
"Freaked out how?" Jazz asked suddenly amused.
"I may have jumped off the couch then stood in a catatonic like state until she left and haven't spoken to her since and that was." I looked at my watch. "Five days ago."
"Five days!" Jasper shouted and smacked me with a bar towel. Some ladies at the bar gave him curious looks and he lowered his voice. "Bella you don't leave someone five days after they try to kiss you with no explanation of why you did it."
"I know! I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me, apologize to what's her name?"
"Rosalie, her names Rosalie."
"That's an old fashioned name…I like it."
"But jazz don't you think it's a little soon."
Jazz got a sad look in his eye and put his hand over mine on the counter. "Bella I've known you for a long time and I know you don't go into things lightly. You just have to trust your feelings."
Jasper didn't know how hard that was, "Thanks Jazz you're the best" I leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek.
"I know, now I want to meet this Rosalie sometime, see if I approve.' He winked.
After work I decided I was going to find Rosalie and apologize then after that I had no idea. I walked into the flower shop not far from my work. I had never been in before but I always loved the smell as I walk past especially in the spring.
"Hi, do you need any help at all." A middle-aged woman asked she had a heavy Irish accent that was slightly hard to understand but I got what she said.
"Yes please." I looked at her name tag quickly "Maggie I need something that says 'sorry I'm an idiot."
"Ah we get a lot of those not usually women buying them thou." She moved along behind the counter looking up and down and I followed. "Here we are Geraniums they say it all." She handed me what I could only describe as a pink flower and I nodded my head in agreement as she wrapped them in brown paper.
"Thank you." I added as I handed over the money
"No problem honey and don't worry I'm sure whatever you did she'll forgive you."
How the hell did she know? I was amazed I just laughed and walked out of the shop. That was so weird.
I was careful when walking up the steps with the flowers not wanting to fall and somehow wreck them because that is usually my luck. I stood in front of the intimidating red door. Questions flew through my brain at break neck speed what if she hates me? What if she isn't there? What if she's allergic to flowers? I never thought of that. I knocked on the door quickly as the urge to run and not look back traveled from my mind to my legs but I suppressed it and knocked again. Hey what's the worst that could happen?
Rosalie opened the door just wearing a sports bra and shorts and I was suddenly lost for word.
"Uh I'm flowers…I mean I'm sorry flowers." I took a deep breath trying desperately to get some oxygen to my brain. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry and I brought you some flower. Not that I am flowers." I just couldn't stop could I. "Please tell me to shut up."
Rosalie just stood leaning against the doorframe with her hand over her mouth then a burst of laughter escaped. "Sorry but that was too funny."
I put my hand over my eyes in hopes that the world would disappear.
"And incredibly sweet." She added which made me even more embarrassed, "but you have nothing to be sorry for it's my fault. I knew you weren't ready but your just to damn sweet and funny and incredibly sexy."
Excuse me? I had the urge to look behind me to see whom exactly she was talking to because it could not have been me. I looked behind me just to make doubly sure. Then I looked her in the eye and pointed to my chest and mouthed the word 'me'
"Yes you!" she chuckled and took the flowers hiding her face in them slightly. "You really don't see yourself clearly at all, you think every one does you these favors but you don't see to realize how amazing you are."
I was finding hard to take these compliment I kept waiting for the sarcastic adage at the end to turn it into a joke.
"Thank you but still what I did wasn't right I should have told you I wasn't ready or at least said something the next day but I couldn't seem to find you."
"Oh I've been working out a lot were doing a marathon to raise money for the city children's hospital. So I've been training"
Well that made perfect sense. I shifted my weight from side to side and was unsure of how to continue. "So is everything good between us." I asked
"Yeah we're good, we should do something this week go out for coffee or something. They have a great open mic night at the cavern club on Tuesdays me and Emmett is going to check it out this week. Want to join? You can bring your friends."
"Sure it sounds good." I swallowed hard unsure of what to say next. "So…um…you do a lot of charity work?" Jesus I wanted to face palm so badly. We chatted a little while before Rosalie had to leave to go to the gym.
Jasper and I were in the kitchen I was ready to go but we were waiting on Edward coming here to pick us all up and take us to the cavern club. I offered Rosalie a ride but she said she needed to take her own car because she promised Emmett she would show up earlier than when we were leaving.
"So Jazz have you ever heard of this club before."
"Yeah it's a cool place hard to get into thou this Rosalie must know some people."
"Well she is a musician," I reasoned.
"Ha I didn't know you were into the musician type but they do have great rhythm."
"Eww Jazz I do not want to think about whatever the hell it is your obviously thinking about right now."
"Edwards…rhythm?" Jasper questioned with a smug smile.
I tried to think about other things like rainbows and pies. Yes that worked.
"Hey do you have any beers?"
"Yes, in the fridge help yourself." I pointed to lazy to actually get out my chair.
Jasper opened the fridge then slammed it back shut in the same second. "Something in there stinks worse than a dead raccoon stuck in the garbage." Jasper southern accent was at full Texan when he drawled that one.
I got up to see for my self, I opened the door no more than an inch and a rancid smell wafted over me and I felt sick. I put my hand over my nose and mouth and grabbed the rancid container with the yellow sticky note. I held the container at arms length and walked toward the front door and jasper hopped in front to open the door. I walked down the hall and I putt the container in the trash shoot. Once the rancid container was disposed of I took a deep breath and headed back to Jasper.
He was on the couch with a beer in his hand and craned his neck when I entered.
"What the hell was that stuff? It smelt worse than Edwards gym bag."
"Just some food Alice dropped of."
"You've had that in your fridge for over a month?"
"No she dropped it off just last week." Jasper looked suddenly confused as he set his beer on the table.
"Alice as in our Alice…Alice Cullen."
"Yeah Alice Cullen like this tall, jet black hair prefers to skip. Do you know another Alice? She thought I might need it so she stopped by really Jazz what's gotten into you?" He was acting really weird.
"And exactly how many days ago was this." Jaspers voice was strict and his eyes were focused on me like stone.
"Like seven days ago…Jasper your scaring me. What's wrong did something happen with Alice? Is she okay?"
Jasper moved over to sit beside me and took my hand in his. It wasn't unusual for him to do so. "Bells… Alice is dead, you know this." He said softly.
I pulled away from him and stood up trying to understand the words he said Alice dead she can't be I saw her yesterday across the street from the restaurant where we used to get coffee.
"Very funny Jasper but I saw her yesterday."
"Bella listen to me why would I joke about this? It's not even funny. You had seen her in the hospital, at the funeral. You moved here because you couldn't stand the reminders in your old apartment."
"No I moved because we broke-up."
"No you didn't Bella, she died."
Right I should call Edward because Jaspers obviously having some sort of breakdown.
"Well how do you explain her bringing me the container I left at work? Huh explain that." I challenged.
"I can't." He looked upset. "But Edward might." Jasper called Edward on his cell and they argued for a moment before Jasper yelled at him 'just to do it.' I had never heard Jasper yell at someone especially not Edward. He was starting to scare me.
"Edwards bringing the security tape from seven days ago."
"Jasper it will be okay you'll see that Alice got the container out the fridge we can have a laugh about it and move on."
"I really hope we can Bella I really do." Jasper sighed running his hands through his short blond hair and that reminded me.
"Rosalie!" I exclaimed "Rosalie heard me and Alice yelling she can prove it." I jogged the short distance to Rosalie's door hoping she hadn't left yet.
Jasper grabbed my arm a little to tightly. "Bella I really don't think this is a good idea lets just wait for Edward."
"It'll be fine Jazz you'll see."
I knocked on the door and Rosalie answered quickly.
"Are you guys going already?"
"Hey Rose look this is going to sound weird but I need to prove something to my friend Jasper here." I pointed to Jazz and he didn't let go of my arm and Rosalie defiantly picked up on this. "The day you first apologized to me and we went for drinks you heard me arguing with someone…yes."
Rosalie looked at us both a little unsure. "I think I heard yelling. Then you told me you were arguing with your ex."
"You didn't see anyone?" I questioned
"No I didn't, Bella what is this about?"
I ran my free hand through my hair. That doesn't prove anything she didn't see anything. I walked into my apartment trying to remember if anyone else might have seen her.
"Look Rosalie I don't really know you but I think you should leave."
"Why the hell should I leave? And why are you grabbing her like that?" Rosalie questioned and Jasper let go of my arm.
"Look this has nothing to do with you just go please," Jasper pleaded.
"No! Not until someone tells me what's going on." Rosalie crossed her arms over her chest in defiance.
Jasper whispered something in her ear as I searched my apartment for anything Alice may have left or touched but there was nothing.
"I thought I saw her before! Her photograph was in the paper I remember thinking we were the same age."
"Why was she in the paper?" I asked Rose.
She looked at Jasper then to me. "Uh… the paper said something about a car crash I'm not sure it was over a month ago."
"Yeah it was a car crash your right." Jasper added.
"I'm not crazy!" I yelled taking a seat on the couch. I quietly rested my head on my hands.
Jasper was at my side in a moment wrapping his arms around me." No one said you were bells."
I tried to remember what they were talking about but I couldn't see it clearly it was like looking through muddy water.
Edward entered looking directly at me. "Here I brought the DVD now would you please tell me why you wanted it? Do you think someone is stealing?"
Shrugging out of Jaspers embrace I stole the disk from Edward and put it in the player grabbing the remote.
"Who are you?" Edward asked Rosalie I suspect.
"I'm Rosalie Hale who the hell are you?"
"Edward Cullen pleasure to meet you."
"Oh sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," Edward spoke quietly.
"No ones sorry for anything because nothings lost your all about to see." I fast-forward the disk until I was a blur going into the fridge I rewound and let it play. On the screen was a black and white image of me, not Alice. Me my hair, my walk, my body going into the fridge then coming out with the container with the little yellow sticky note. Then I walk out of the screenshot. "I'm not crazy, I'm not." I move to sit on the floor and put my head in my hands using my hair as a shield against anyone trying to look at me. "I'm not crazy."
She's gone she's dead and it was me that went to the restaurant that day. I don't even remember going. She can't be dead I saw her I did. Didn't I? Then why had no one else see her? I felt some strong arms encompass me and I let my body go weak.
I paced back and forward as Edward mindlessly flicked through a copy of last months cosmopolitan. I tried to suppress the need to run out of this office but I made a promise to my friends. I looked at one of the many-framed diplomas and read the name over and over. Peter Charles, Peter Charles P.H.D.
"Bella sit down your starting to wear out the carpet."
Ha I laughed at Edwards comment and scoffed at his choice of reading material "Trying to find ten new ways to please your man?"
"Hey there's some good stuff in here."
"Honestly Edward sometimes I forget how gay you are."
"Come on you are a bit of a stereotype, I could tell as soon as I met you."
"No you couldn't. I kept that secret like I was taking it to the grave no one knew until I wanted them to."
If I were drinking something I would have spat it out right there. I knew as soon as I saw him walk into the cafeteria and Jessica gave me the gossip about the Cullen's how they kept to themselves never dated. That no one was 'good enough' for them. "I bet Esme knew."
"No way she knew, No way."
"Wanna bet?" I asked knowing Edward always liked a good wager.
I thought over the amount money was no object for the Cullen's so we mostly bet for the bragging rights.
"Twenty?" I offered
"Make it fifty." Edward countered
"Deal." I put out my hand and Edward shook it firmly cementing the deal.
"Hi you must be Bella, Edward has told me a lot about you." Whilst I was bantering with Eddie I completely missed Peter coming out of his office.
I was suddenly nervous like this man was supposed to keep all my secrets. I don't even know him.
"I'll be waiting here when your finished Bella." Edward gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze and I followed peter into his office.
Peter's office was very warm and inviting not at all like I had imagined. He motioned for me to take a seat in the black leather armchair and I did whilst he sat on a desk like chair.
"So Bella how are you today?"
"Uh fine I guess."
"You guess?" peter questioned softly.
"I don't know this is my first time talking to a shrink and I might be crazy. I mean I saw my dead girlfriend that's not something that happens to me everyday. So yeah I guess because I'm not sure of anything anymore."
Peter scribbled some notes of a yellow legal pad how old school.
"When did these delusions begin?"
I told peter the basic facts of what I knew and how I still couldn't exactly remember much from before I moved. He asked me some questions about my life and we got a good flow going. Peter was a lot easier to talk to than I thought. It was as if he had some power that just made you want to tell all your secrets.
"It could be possible that your mind was trying to protect itself from the stress of dealing with Alice's death."
"But I thought we were broken up I made up the whole think so I thought she had left me anyway." I told him hoping for some insight.
"The brain is an amazingly complex thing and it dealt with the situation as best as it could and that you could handle."
Peter spoke in soothing tones and what he said did make sense I had been constantly exhausted then Rosalie came along and I felt guilty. I felt like I was cheating like doing something I shouldn't. I didn't mention Rosalie to peter because I didn't think it really mattered right now. She saw me have a mental breakdown in my apartment. I'll be lucky if I ever see her again.
"So.." peter looked at his watch. "That's the end of our session I want you to remember what we talked about."
I surprised how quickly the hour passed by and checked my own watch to make sure. I tried to repeat what Peter said about how I should try and de-stress my life as much as possible.
It had been Two days since I had seen peter and I was watching old episodes of grey's anatomy and Jasper would not shut up about how the first season are always the best I kind of liked the new ones. I had not been left alone since I declared myself not crazy and it was nice knowing I have such good friends but I when you wake up to find one of them in your bed its time to make some boundaries.
I felt my phone buzz in my pocket and I retrieved it to see a text from Edward all it said was 'sorry'. I showed the text message to Jasper and he looked as confused as me until my phone started to ring in m hand. Shit it was Esme I couldn't ignore Esme's calls. I reluctantly pressed answer and gently placed the phone to my ear.
"Isabella Marie Swan there better be a hell of a good reason that I just found out from my son that you had a breakdown and are now seeing a psychologist. What happened Honey? Why didn't you come to me?"
I looked at Jasper hoping for some help but he just mouthed the word bathroom and left…useless man.
"Sorry Esme I didn't mean to it was kind of sudden I've been having a hard time adjusting. I'm sorry I didn't call you."
"That's okay sweetheart but I want us to meet up for coffee or lunch and have a good talk. I don't get to see you enough Bella and I'm going to fix. How about tomorrow? Are you free?"
"That sounds nice and I'm not busy at all. Okay so I'll see you tomorrow bye."
I hung up the phone with I sigh, I can't believe I forgot about Esme and what she must be going through. I'm such an idiot.
Jasper stuck his head out from the hall and I threw a cushion hitting him square in the face." You! And your boyfriend are the two most useless people I have ever met."
"Sorry Bells but there's no fighting Esme it's like trying to argue with a nun."
I agreed with him but he was still not on my good side. "Go try and be useful and make me some lunch!" I shouted throwing another cushion.
There was a knock at the door so I hopped from the couch and to the door wondering if Edward decided to randomly drop-by so Jasper could leave. Of course nothing is ever what I think it is and when I open the door there standing in the hall like she just walked out the front cover of harpers bazaar was Rosalie Hale.
"Rosalie," I breathed.
"Hey sorry I heard yelling I just wanted to make sure….you know."
I couldn't help but smile at the fact that she seemed worried about me after all that had happened. "Don't worry there's actually someone else here this time." I joked but she didn't laugh or even smile. I opened the door enough so she could see Jasper in the kitchen. He waved a knife at her in a friendly hello. "See I have argument with real people too." I smiled trying to get some sort of reaction. Rosalie pulled me into the hall out of Jaspers view.
"I was really worried about you, your friends wouldn't tell me anything."
"I'm sorry it's just after everything, I didn't think you'd want to see me again not that I would blame you."
"Why would you think that?"
Hmm the whole crying breakdown in my apartment thing was my first thought. "I just thought."
"Well I did want to see you again. I do want to see you again how about we hang out tomorrow my friend Emmett still really wants to meet you."
"I Have plan's tomorrow." I stated sadly. I really wanted to meet Emmett and this would be my chance to show Rosalie I wasn't crazy. "What time because my plans are more likely morning afternoon."
"Late, Emmett's more of a night owl."
"Cool I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Sure Bella and just be safe okay."
"I always am." I walked slowly backwards into my apartment as I watched Rosalie go back into her own apartment. I don't know if we both were ignoring it or just blowing past it but if she didn't want to ask a lot of questions who was I to argue.
Okay five minutes here then to Esme's I calculated as I walked into the corner flower shop. The little brass bell on the door alerted Maggie to my presence and she stopped arranging a bouquet and flashed me a toothy smile.
"Back so soon. How did the geraniums work out for you?"
"They were great." I confessed to the red haired woman. "So I'm back for more."
She smiled and walked along the counter to pick a handful of geraniums. "What did you do this time?" Maggie questioned curiously.
"It's a long story."
"Ah they always are honey. Here you go."
I handed over the money asking her to keep the change and I made my way to Esme's house. Well it was more like a manor but whatever.
I never made a quite entrance with my truck so before I even got to the door Esme was there. Laying in wait to give me hug I knew I didn't deserve.
"I brought you some flowers I hope you like them." I handed her the bouquet.
"They are beautiful Bella thank you."
Esme showed me to the kitchen and we took our lunch in the dining room. Esme asked me the same questions as peter but didn't give me her insight into what she thought she would just sit quietly and listen. We took our coffee in the parlor. I didn't even know what a parlor was before I met the Cullen's and now I cant imagine them without having a parlor.
"Esme I need to ask you something see me and Edward have this bet…"
"You kids and your bets when will you learn."
"Hey its them that corrupted me I never used to bet on things before I met Alice and Edward. Anyway I need to ask did you know Edward was gay before he came out as it were?"
Esme seemed to ponder this for a second before letting out a small chuckle. "Of course I did god those boys were neither quite nor subtle."
I cringed at the mental image and Esme laughed again soft and short.
"Well thank you Edward now owes me fifty bucks." I knew I was right about Esme she always was very intuitive. I guess that's where Alice got it. "What about Alice did you know she was gay too?"
Esme placed her coffee cup on the table and swept the short lengths of hair away from her eyes. "Alice was a different child even from an early age she was always unique." Esme smiled it looked like she was recounting some far off memory.
"Alice wasn't like Edward with Edward we found men's fitness magazines under his mattress but Alice…Alice she always seemed to have this blind faith. Almost like she could see things other people couldn't. She went on a few dates with boys and she always came home disappointed but… cheerful. When I asked her about this she just said they weren't compatible there weren't the one."
I can't believe I didn't know this about Alice she always seemed so confident and sure about us as a couple. I thought she had always known. "I had no idea." I muttered.
"Yes Alice was an odd one at fifteen talking about the one and what not. Then one Day out of the blue you come along and I think even Alice was surprised." I smiled at the image of Alice surprised. She was never surprised she always acted like she knew everything even before it happened.
"Were you disappointed she didn't fall in love with a man and have kids and stuff?" I ask slightly fearing the answer. I usually didn't ask questions I didn't want to know the answer to but it seemed to ask it self.
"Never, Alice had the faith to know that you were her soul mate that you would be in her life no matter what. You were meant to be together, who am I to argue with that?"
I mulled over what Esme had said about Alice and I all day and I couldn't believe I didn't know she felt that way. I knew she was my soul mate she told me so and I thought the same but to know from such a young age I couldn't believe it. I looked at the bottom of the empty mug thinking you do learn something new everyday.
When I got home I changed into jeans and an old band tee so I would be almost ready whenever Rosalie decided to show up. I even prepared lasagna for Emmett in hopes that it gets us better acquainted plus people love food.
I glanced at the clock every five minutes until eleven thirty that's when she knocked on my door.
"Hey you ready to go?"
"Yeah just let me get a few things. I know you said he's a night owl but this is kind of late isn't it."
"Ha…not for Emmett…He's kind of an insomniac I hate leaving him alone all through the night. He starts to forget the days and get lost in stupid things like video games and Lego sculptures."
Wow Emmett sounded cooler than I thought. I gave Rosalie the lasagna to carry as I lock the door.
"Emmett, open the door." Rosalie shouted at the wide garage like door.
The door opened from the floor to the roof opening up to a loft apartment but I could hardly see any of that because my view was mostly obstructed by Emmett's body. No wonder no one messes with Rose her best friend is half tank.
"Hey Rosie you brought company."
"Hi I'm Bella." Emmett towered over me and narrowed his eyes then quickly smiled and pulled me into a hug.
"Hey is this for me," he pointed to the food.
I nodded and he placed me on the floor taking the dish and waving us in closing the door. Emmett's apartment was amazing it was like he was a hoarder but it was organized. He had a wall that looked like it was made entirely of books and a motorbike in the corner and lots of music equipment lying around some of it on the walls.
Emmett pulled back the foil of the lasagna and started digging in with a fork and Rosalie handed me a beer from his fridge and motioned for me to sit down on a stool at the kitchen as Emmett dug into the food and I was glad he liked it.
"Look over there." Rosalie whispered into my ear and pointed in the far corner where they're seemed to be a submarine mad out of only yellow Lego "Told you."
"Bella that was amazing thank you." I looked back to Emmett and he had finished the whole tray of lasagna that could have fed five people. "Rosie you better with yourself with this one." he pointed to me. " I might keep her for myself."
I laughed at his childlike expression.
"So…." Emmett continued "Is she here right now?"
"Emmett!" Rosalie smacked his arm and I realized what he meant.
"No she's not it doesn't really work like that." I huffed a laugh.
"Well that's no fun, what about other dead people? Or my cat Ringo do you see Ringo? He was a black and white tabby." Emmett asked bright eyed.
I looked around the apartment and pretended to gasp then nod." Yeah Ringo says hi."
"What the fuck I didn't know he could talk?" He gasped amazed and I had to hold back the laughter but Rosalie broke first them me then Emmett.
"Did you ever even have a cat? I asked seriously trying to wipe away the tears of laughter.
For some reason this fact made it even funnier. I loved how easy it seemed to be to get along with Emmet. It was like we had been friends for years. He didn't seem to be bothered by the fact I had delusions or was maybe crazy. Rosalie and I stayed for about two hours before I started to yawn and she decided it was time to leave even though I wanted to stay and help Emmett build the rest of the submarine.
"So Bella how have things been since our last session?" Doctor Peter asked.
"Its been better I haven't had one delusion. I sleep more work less, I have new friends."
"New friends?" Peter questioned and I knew I would have to bring this up sometime.
"Yeah my neighbor Rosalie and her friend Emmett which I now think of as my friends because sometimes we hang out without Rose." I tried to anticipate what he would say. Did he think new people in my life were a bad thing would he want me to stop seeing them. Wait I'm a grown woman I can do what I want.
"I think making new friends is a good thing most of your life revolved around the Cullen's and your work. You have a small tight knit group and maybe having new friends will help you ground your own life. Do you know what I mean?"
"I think I do… when Alice died I thought I lost my whole world I expected everything to stop but It didn't it kept moving on slowly. I would have thought losing something so special in my life would have affected the rest of my life but it didn't really. I work and I ate and I slept and I just did everything I usually did."
"Yes so I think having some outside friends and interest will keep you from losing the sense of what's really happening. Have you had any progress in remembering the days close to Alice's death?"
I didn't want to tell Peter that it was constantly on my mind. I couldn't help but wonder what happened the day she left. Was she going to the store? Or shopping? Or to meet someone? What was the last thing I said to her? Did we fight? Did I tell her I love you or goodbye? I couldn't answer these questions and I gave myself a hemorrhage trying. "I tried but it's still fuzzy. Is there anything that might help?"
"I'm not sure Bella maybe just trying to remember other things about her or maybe in time it will come back to you or not."
I didn't like the sound of peter saying 'or not' like I may never get my memories back. I knew they were they're just playing like a tape on a battered TV there was no clear picture and muffled sound but it was there.
"Is there anything else bothering you?" Peter asked checking the time.
"Yeah I just want to remember what the last thing I said to her was. Maybe my mind is keeping it from me because I said something bad. Maybe we argued and that's why she was in the car that day. I don't know if I would be able to live with my self if I was the cause of her death."
"Bella…Bella." Peter leaned forward in his chair. "No matter what you said it was an accident. You didn't cause Alice's death and you couldn't have saved her."
"You don't know that!" I raised my voice. He couldn't know because I didn't know.
"I'm sorry Bella." Peter apologized and adjusted his glasses.
I took a deep breath trying to relax before I spoke again. I kind of thought peter looked like Carlisle's geeky brother somehow even thou they were no relation. They had the same build and face shape but Peter hard messy brown hair and glasses and I could imagine him having a 'back to the future t-shirt on under his white button up and tie.
"That's okay I'm sorry about yelling. You've helped me a lot I can't thank you enough."
"So… What are your plans for the rest of today?"
I actually wanted to talk to peter about this anyway when Edward told me they were still paying the rent on our old apartment and no one had been in to clear Alice's stuff. I thought it was wasteful to have the Cullen's pay the rent where no one was living so I offered to sort through Alice's things hoping it would bring back some memories. "Actually I wanted to talk about that see…I'm going to our old apartment to sort through Alice's things and I'm not sure I keep debating about keeping everything and throwing it all away."
"It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Why don't you just see what means the most to you and what you don't need?"
"Thanks peter I think that's our session up for today."
"Hey that's my line but your right see you next week." Peter laughed and held the door open like a gentleman.
Edward was waiting in the reception like usual even though this was only my second visit.
"Hey how'd your session go?"
"It was good, thanks for making me do this Edward."
"See I told you Peter is great. He has helped me so much."
"Yeah whatever, hey I just remembered your still owe me fifty bucks."
Edward opened his wallet to pull out two twenty's and a ten and handed me the crisp bank notes.
Edward drove us in his Volvo to the old place that was above a bakery. I could remember the door and the stairs and the overwhelming smell of fresh baked bread. I loved that smell it was the smell of busy Monday mornings and lazy Sunday afternoons. When we walked into the hall it was like nothing changed. Edward opened the door and I saw hit by a wall of stale air. Edward went over to the windows and I stayed in the doorway. I felt unable to move. I saw the cabinets and the coffee table and I wanted to run and never look back.
Edward seeing my distress placed his hand over mine and moved me into the living area. This place was smaller than the one I was in now. I remember Alice saying when we first moved in that 'it should be small there's less room to be apart'.
I walked around the small living room and over to the kitchen on the far side. I opened the cabinets and most of them were empty. I took most of my stuff and the kitchen stuff when I moved I realized. It was like I never lived here.
Edward left to get some boxes and I went to the bedroom and slowly pushed open the door. The bed was unmade, I sat down on Alice side of the bed I brushed my hands against he sheets it was stone cold. The wardrobe was open and my half was missing I pushed the doors to open the other half.
"She would kill us both if she knew we were giving her clothes to charity." Edward laughed from behind a pack of boxes.
He was right I could only imagine what she would say, I wanted to keep them but they wouldn't fit me and it would be a waste. " Yeah she would be furious she would probably say something like 'you don't give Birkin to a bag lady'" I mimicked the high voice Alice would get when she was furious.
"Ha-ha yeah I didn't even know you knew what a Birkin bag is Bella."
"Well I did pick up a few things over the years."
We packed away many of Alice's things stopping when we were reminded of some funny story of thing she may have said. At Five Jasper came by with some pizza and to help us finish up loading the boxes. I was just checking the bedside tables Alice's had a magazine and some cream, a face mask and a pair of old headphones and some other random bits and pieces.
I moved over to check my side expecting it to be empty but it wasn't there was a hairbrush and a book and a little blue box. I opened the box and glimpsed at a ring them closed it quickly 'I did not see that'. I chanted to myself. I slowly opened the box again. The ring was huge and it seemed rather old maybe I bought a vintage ring and forgot about it? It could happen.
"Hey is that a ring?" Edward asked from the door and I shut the box with two fingers.
"Yeah I must have bought it a while ago."
Edward held out his hand and I placed the box gently in it.
"This is Esme's engagement ring. It's been in the family for years, were you going to give this to Alice?"
"It doesn't matter now what I was going to do." I took the ring box back." I'm going to see Esme tomorrow I'll give it back then," I decided.
"Do you want some pizza?"
"Sure then you girls can get back to work." I said loud enough for Jazz to hear. Edward just ruffled my hair and told me to effectively 'shut up.'
I finished making my forth slice of French toast and put it next to the pile of pancakes I had already made, I love breakfast. Noticing I had too much for just myself I thought maybe I should be a nice neighbor and invite over Rosalie for some breakfast.
I knocked on Rosalie's door and after three knocks Emmett answered in nothing but his boxers.
"Hi…Emmett." I tried focus on his face.
"Sleigh Bells, What's happening? " I rolled my eyes at Emmett's nickname.
"I made some breakfast but accidently made too much. I was wonder if you and Rosalie would like to come over for breakfast?"
"I would love to Bella I'm not sure about Rose. She said something about being late."
"I'm good." Rosalie ran smack into Emmett's bare chest. Her hair looked like she had just thrown it back and I think her shirt may be inside out.
"I thought you said you were going to be…"
"I know what I said Emmett." Rosalie spoke through gritted teeth.
"Okay well just come over when you're ready."
Emmett and Rose fought to get out the doorframe both getting wedged then out with a huff.
I put some French toast on the plates and pored some orange juice. My eyes kept traveling to Emmett. He's sitting in my kitchen in his underwear was all I could comprehend.
"Emmett if you don't sleep why may I ask is you walking around in your boxers?"
"It helps me keep track of the days so I change between day and night clothes. Have you ever worn casual clothes for more than forty-eight hours? It begins to mess with your head." He tapped his temple. "So this way my mind and body can tell the difference between day and night."
That weirdly made sense, "Okay" I accepted and Rosalie just shook her head at me.
"Sorry to dine and dash but I have to get to work. Do you guys want to hang out tonight?"
"Yeah sure." I said without thinking, I had become used to hanging out with Em and Rose. I liked how they argued like an old married couple it was entertaining to watch.
Emmett stayed a few hours longer but then I had to leave to go to Esme's. Emmett now dressed in his casual clothes as he called them walked me to my truck before he went to his own car. I patted my pocket twice before I left to make sure the ring was still there.
Esme muddled in the kitchen putting cakes on to a serving tray. I offered to help but as always guest don't help in the Cullen house. To day it was tea and scones I think Esme was feeling rather British today not that I minded. Tilting the teapot she filed two china cups. I put mine on the table to let it cool first.
"Did you see the new side table in the entrance? I found it at this lovely little antique shop down town."
I didn't notice a table, "Yeah it's really nice Esme, you have great taste." Esme did have great taste so I'm sure it is lovely.
"Well if you would like some help decorating your new place I would be happy to help you."
"Thanks for the offer but don't trouble yourself. I'm happy with it as it is at the moment."
"It would be no trouble but if your happy with it." Esme smiled sipping her tea. "How did it go with Edward yesterday did you get everything packed away okay?"
"It went fine. I actually wanted to talk to you about that." I took the blue box from my pocket and set it on my lap. Maybe I should Keep it thought for a second just a second I felt like I didn't want to part with it. "I found this I can't remember asking you for it but I guess you should have it back." I put the box on my outstretched hand.
"Keep it." Esme said simply as if it were something stupid like a t-shirt or a newspaper.
"What? No it belongs to you to your family. It should stay in the family." I tried to convince her.
"And it is…Bella I think of you as a daughter and even though Alice is not with us anymore, you're still apart of this family."
I felt my lip start to quiver as I thought about Esme's words. She had said she thought of me as a daughter before but I always thought she was just being polite it was just one of those things you said like. 'Thank you for the socks' or 'my your baby looks just like you.'
For just a moment I let the overwhelming feelings take over and hugged Esme. She held me just as tightly and I tried to think about what Esme must be going through and how selfish I had been. "I've been so selfish, I'm sorry."
"That's okay honey but don't think you get to get rid of us that easily."
"I won't," I sniffed.
After all the feelings and stuff had been spilt I still felt uncomfortable that I had been crying and decided to cut my visit short. Hoping for some alone time.
I took the sparse time I had to myself to take a bath and relax in front of the TV but as usual it wasn't long until there was a knock at my door.
"Come in!" I shouted.
The handle turned and the blond head of Rosalie popped through.
"Come in? Come in? You're a woman living alone in the city you don't leave your door unlock and shout come in." Rosalie seemed stupefied, "I could have been a crazy person."
"Rose it's a little hypocritical for me to judge a crazy person don't you think?"
"Your not crazy Bella."
"Hmm delusions plus talking to the dead equals crazy I think."
"No losing someone you love plus stress equals emotional breakdown it could happen to anyone."
"Eh, I never was any good at math." I shrugged turning my attention back to the TV.
"Get your butt off the sofa because I'm making dinner…at my place." Rosalie seemed a little unsure of her own statement.
In all the time I had known Rosalie I had never seen her cook so I was interested in to what she had planned. I got off the sofa and followed her diligently.
"Emmett should be here soon, everything's ready I just need to check something."
I sat on Rosalie's sofa flicking to the show I was watching minutes ago. It was a few minutes then I heard a low voice and decided to see if Rosalie required any help. Rosalie was on her phone
"Yeah that's fine Em…no it's fine…okay talk to you later." Rosalie turned to me. "That was Emmett apparently one of the keyboard players never showed up and they asked him to help out. So he won't be able to make it."
I was sad to hear Emmett wouldn't be coming but I didn't know he played Keyboard. "I didn't know Emmett played. What exactly is it that Emmett does for a living?"
"He's a sound engineer. That's how we met," Rosalie moved a pot from the stove to the counter. As she was preparing dinner she continued the story. "I was in a band in high school and we actually got to play at this club. We were so excited at the time and anyway because I wasn't twenty-one I wasn't allowed to stay in the club after the set but my friends were older and they wanted a drink and a good time. I should have known then that Sam was an ass but I was young and stupid. So I was walking to my car when a group of drunken guys started talking and saying things. Then one of the guys grabbed my wrist."
Rosalie took in a breath whilst I imagined finding this drunk guy from years ago and punching him straight in the face.
"Anyway being me I thought I could handle myself and hit him but he was to far gone to bother so I yelled and luckily Emmett smoked at the time so he was outside and he broke the guys jaw and collar bone and we've been together ever since."
If Emmett were here I would high five him.
"Did you do any stupid stuff in high school?"
I remembered back to my high school days and wished that I had in fact done something interesting but to tell the truth I was completely boring. "No I read Lord of the rings in high school." I par phrased a friend's quote.
During dinner I had realized how easy it had become to talk to Rosalie. We hadn't hung out just her and I since…well since the last awkward incident I was trying to forget.
"Are you going to hang out with me and Emmett tomorrow?"
"I can't I have to work. What do you guys do all the time anyway? It seems you hang out a lot lately."
We did and I didn't know why but Emmett was so easy to talk to I just really enjoyed his company. "Just the usual stuff we're gonna hang out at pikes market place and give tourist bad directions. I like spending time with Emmett when I'm with him I don't think he's watching me for any signs of crazy."
"Do you think I do that?"
I thought about it and Rosalie always seemed more worried than anything. "You do seem to get worried about me a lot."
"Because its my fault." Rosalie whispered so quite I almost missed it.
"What's your fault?"
"Your stress, if I didn't keep you up so much then maybe…"
"So that's why you're being nice? That's why you want to hang out with me because you feel guilty?" I was shocked all this time I thought she might actually like me. I feel so stupid I should have known. Well I would put her out her misery she wouldn't have to put up with me anymore.
"No! I didn't mean it like that." Rosalie closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.
"It doesn't matter how you meant it you said it." I could feel anger start to boil up ."Well I'm better now so you don't feel that you have to put up with my company."
I left as quickly as I could knowing it was best I got the last word in. I couldn't believe I always get it so wrong. I locked my door and headed to bed early. I wonder if this means Emmett and I won't be friend's he was her friend first. Maybe he just hung out with me as a favor to Rose that's probably right.
"Bella! Bella!" Rosalie knocked loudly on the front door.
I put the pillow over my head to drown out the noise. She probably just wants to make sure I haven't had another meltdown. There were a few more knocks then she gave up.
Well she didn't try very hard guess that proves me right. I curled up under the covers just replaying the last hour or so in repeat. The only reason she talked to me was because she felt guilty and probably took pity on me.
I raised my head from under the covers to see who had said that? But there was no one
"Bella if you can hear me knock once on the wall."
The words were slightly muffled but in the silence I could make out each word pretty clearly. I maybe should knock but then why should I.
"Fuck, well if your not there then I'm just gonna say this anyway but I really fucking hope you are listening. I felt guilty because…because I did it on purpose. Not the first few times but then after that it was on purpose."
She annoyed me and kept me from sleeping on purpose? Why what was the point in that?
"Look at me I'm talking to a fucking wall…the first few times it happened I was angry about the Leah thing and my band." Rosalie spoke softer and quieter I strained to hear. "Then you came along and yelled at me. Told me to shut up and I was amazed by this woman who didn't care about how I looked. At first I thought you were straight and I know that sounds stupid but it meant a lot to me. With Leah it was all on the surface but she didn't care about me I know that now. She didn't care enough to look past the surface to look past the attitude and the sarcasm. Not like you did."
I was stunned by Rosalie's confession. I couldn't believe it.
"God why do feelings have to be so fucking hard. I like you okay I like you like you. I sound like a teenager but I don't care. I know you need time and your not ready but I just wanted to tell you I'm willing to wait but I just need you to tell me…that it's okay. That it's okay for me to like you.
I stood on my bed and pressed my ear against the wall trying to be as silent as possible.
"Because when I'm with you I feel better. I feel like the person I'm meant to be and to me that's worth waiting for. Fuck I don't even deserve a chance but I'm selfish enough to ask for one. Just please if you heard any of that just please say something, make a noise…anything please." She pleaded.
I knocked once.
I was scared shitless to leave the apartment incase I accidently ran into Rosalie. I felt like such a coward she laid everything out on the table and took a chance and what did I do? Nothing.
There was a knock at the door and I jumped. Maybe if I just left it they would go away.
"Hey sleigh Bells you gonna let me in?" Emmett bellowed from the other side of the locked door.
I quickly let him in and locked the door again behind in a furiously quick state.
"Who we hiding from?"
"Rosalie…she told me some things last night and I'm just…taking sometime to process."
"Ah she finally told you did she?" Emmett asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Of course I knew I am her best friend and why do you think I never leave you two alone? Rose is constantly afraid she's gonna attack you and scare you off like a frightened little bambi." Emmett made a growling sound.
I turned so he wouldn't see the blush I felt creep up onto my cheeks. At the image of Rosalie attacking me. "Emmett can I ask you something? Why is Rosalie so obsessed with what people think of her?"
"Rosalie's never had many friends." Emmett spoke while taking an orange from the near by dish.
"What do you mean?"
"Everybody in her life expected her to coast. They didn't expect anything more because it felt like she had everything she needed looks…money. So she works extra hard she doesn't want to be seen as someone who coast through life but people don't really try to be her real friend. Did you know that her old band asked her to join them again? They apologized and apologized and she was going to say yes she was because she thought they were her friends. So she said yes and the next day they asked her for two grand. Can you believe that?"
"Why didn't she tell me that?"
"Because she felt stupid for falling for it. You haven't known Rose as long as I have and I have to tell you. She's changed before she would have just given them the money."
"Why would she have given them the money they sound like jerks?"
"Believe me they are, but I think Rose thought that this is her life they are her friends and it wasn't going to change but now…now she seems I don't better somehow. So…what are you going to tell her?"
"I honestly don't know yet."
Days had passed and I hadn't spoken a word to Rosalie. I had slipped a not under her door one day I saw her leave for work. It was a simple note really I only wrote two words but somehow I felt 'it's okay' seemed to sum it up nicely.
I noticed a low flying plane out the window as Peter talked about something I'm not sure what.
"Bella, Have you been paying attention?"
"What? Sorry Peter I'm just feeling a little distracted."
"What's distracting you?"
I had only ever spoken about Rosalie to peter in passing because I felt like it wasn't much of his business but now I think I could really use his help.
"Is it too soon to start dating again?" as soon as the words felt my mouth I felt a stab of betrayal in my heart.
"I'm afraid only you can know that Bella. Personally I don't think there will ever be a 'right' time to start dating again. There's never the perfect moment. Something will always come along and complicate the situation. I believe you just have to follow what your heart tells you."
"And what if my mind tells me I'm an awful person for even considering the idea and my heart says just go for it and see what happens?"
Peter pondered for a moment and lifted some sheets of paper then put them down again and repeated the motion a few times
"Do you remember a few weeks back now we talked about your delusions and how you had conversations with Alice."
"Yes." I said wonder what he was getting at.
"Do you remember any of her exact words?"
I thought about it for a moment but it was hard because at the time it didn't seem important to remember everything she said. "Not really a few bits, we mostly argued."
"And what did you argue about?"
"I blamed her for leaving." I said blatantly.
"You blamed her for dyeing?"
That seemed stupid but I guess it was the same thing really. "I didn't seem that way at the time."
"Do you still blame her?"
I thought about it for a second and it seemed stupid to blame someone for dyeing I mean she didn't do it on purpose. "No…at least I don't think so."
"Well maybe you should think about that and we will discuss it next time in two weeks."
"Two weeks?" I questioned It was usually one.
"Your making great progress Bella you should be proud of yourself. "
He opened the door for me as I was now accustomed and I thanked him again before going to Edward.
As Edward and I walked to car I had a feeling of levity like everything was going to be okay somehow. It gave me the courage to ask Edward a question that had previously been haunting me. "Edward is it okay with you if I start dating again."
"Bella you're a grown woman you don't need my permission."
"I know I don't need it but I would like it. I just don't want you to feel like Alice didn't mean as much to me as she did like I'm moving on to quickly."
"I don't know do you feel like it's been enough time?"
I thought about it for a minute. "Sometimes it's not about being enough sometimes it's about being happy."
Edward was silent as we got into the shiny silver Volvo and made our way through the streets of Seattle. I thought about everything that had happened in the past few weeks and how lucky I was to have such good friends. My world was now changed forever and I knew I had to change with it or risk being left behind.
Peter was right there is no right time to do something. I'm afraid of everything and sure of very little nowadays but as we passed the familiar shop on a corner street I filled my lungs and shouted as fast I could. "Stop!"
Edward hit the breaks and we jerked forward the seatbelt uncomfortably hitting my throat as we did.
"What!" Edward asked confused.
I wasn't even sure myself. "Stay here I'll be back in five minutes I need to get something." I unbuckled myself and jogged across the street.
The brass bell above the door chimed at my entrance and I say a red mop of hair turn to me.
"Hey Honey, we're out of geraniums today I'm afraid." She chuckled.
"That's okay I know what I'm here for today." I said pointing across the counter to a particularly beautiful bouquet.
"Are you sure you want that one honey?"
"Yeah I'm sure." And I was surer than I had been in a while.
"Okay honey here you go. Hope it helps wi' whatever long story you got going on."
I handed her the notes and waited for my change. "Thanks Maggie."
As I exited the flower shop I realized that there was only three things in my life of which I was completely sure.
One, I loved Alice and I always would death could not change that. Two I would be asking Rosalie Hale on a date with my self as soon as I get home and three, I would be bringing lilies.
A/N:Thanks for reading and as this is my first one-shot reviews would really be appreciated and put to fuel new stories:)