Catcher in the Rye My Ending
Finally, they let me out of this bullshit of a place. Leaving all the big phony doctors wishing me good luck in life. Good luck with what? I'm just going to be kicked out of my next goddamn school anyways why bother? As I was walking out of the building I saw a duck flying over head towards the pond. I never did find out where they go in the winter because no one around here gives a damn enough to want to tell me. I started walking and found myself following the duck until it flew over the fence and back into the lagoon at the zoo. Home I thought, back home where it belongs maybe that's where I should go. So that's what I did. I walked the whole thirty blocks back home because I didn't have the money for a taxi. I finally arrived home. The front door was open but no one was home. Of course I thought, mom and dad are too dumb to bother locking a damn door. As I walked up the creaking old steps I noticed that old hunting hat that I gave to Phoebe. Damn I really loved that old hat. For the first time since he died I went into Allie's room and sat down on the bed. Looking around the room everything looked the same. Same windows, same desk, same books. Nothing changed. Guilt started to consume me. What have I done? Allie would be so disappointed in me. All I wanted was to be happy but all I ended up doing was hurting the people I cared about. Looking down I saw Allie's old left handed baseball glove sitting there on the bedroom floor untouched, just gathering dust. I picked it up and brushed it off, watching the dust fly off of it in clouds. The same poems written in green ink where still there. I started to read them just as I did years ago with Allie. Allie's favorite poem written right on the palm of the glove caught my eye.
"Some say the world will end in fire
Some say in ice
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction
Ice is also great
And would suffice"
-Robert Frost Fire and Ice
"Damn you Allie!" I screamed, tossing the old worn out glove across the room. It hit the wall and fell to the floor with a light thud. "Is this your idea of keeping your promise to me?" I was angry now. Allie had promised me that we would stand by each other no matter what. "You son of a bitch you had to go and die of leukemia didn't you?" Tears were now streaming down my face and my heart was pounding inside my chest. I kept hearing angry sobs, then it occurred to me, that crying was me. I was the one crying. Rage and remorse flooded through me at the thought of Allie's death. I fell to the floor and continued to cry. For the first time in years I cried. I cried for Allie, I cried for phoebe, I cried for Jane, I even cried for my parents. I'm not too sure how long I laid there on the floor. Hours? Minutes? It was hard to tell. When I finally had the strength to stand up I grabbed Allie's glove, tucked it under my shirt and left. As I was walking out of the house the sun shone through the clouds and for a moment I thought I saw Allie's face. I smiled and for the first time in a long time I knew I was going to make it somehow. I continued to walk for a few more blocks and it started to become cloudy again. I kept checking every so often to see if the glove was still under my shirt, making sure not to drop it. I approached Allie's grave and dropped the glove on it and just stood there. I almost expected to hear Allie's voice thanking me for returning his glove. But I didn't and I am ok with that. The rain started to fall as I lit a cigarette. "Damn" I though. I put out the cigarette and turned around and started walking away. I never looked back. I can now finally be happy.