Now or Never
Raven looked at the clock off to her right on her bed side for the thousandth time that night. She saw that it was only eleven o'clock but as the almost unbearable night crawled by it felt like it should be morning time, at least in Raven's eyes anyway. She groaned throwing her face into her pillow hoping she could bury the need to speed up the night along with her emotions into the stiff fabric.
She couldn't sleep for her emotions running wild and her imagination with it. It had always been natural knowledge to know she kept her emotions hidden underneath her bland frown and deadpan words. Even she hadn't come in touch with her own feelings. But...this?!
Never had the thought crossed her mind that she was keeping this hidden. She hadn't even noticed her feelings for him, and hopefully no one else had seen them leaking through when she hadn't.
But now? With nothing better to do on a painfully slow, heart-and-mind are war kind of battle raging on inside of her, Raven looked back. Searched her memories for every single thing that would have made her feel like this, anything. And as she did...it all made sense. Maybe-as much as it made her stomach churn to try and understand it-she even liked the thought of it working out in her benefit.
Raven shook her head fiercely at the thought.
Stupid. Useless. That was all she could think to describe what had just crossed her mind, and buried away in her heart. No matter what, if she was normal or if she could phantom a thought like that without wanting to flinch...it was all internal. Just inner feelings that she would push away and hide the existence on the outside.
Besides, he was dating Terra. There was no way he would even consider returning the feelings when he had her. She had been so mean, belligerent, and so...so Raven. Making fun of him, always downing him with a sarcastic sneer, never allowing the opportunity to let him in.
Raven had let everyone of her team mates 'in'. Cyborg from the way things looked was the first as her big brother, Robin the second as not only her big brother but also a person who she could find a place of love in her heart that would not go away no matter what, Starfire the third, she smiled lightly at how hard it was to let the cheerful alien princess take up a home in her heart as a sister and best friend. Beast Boy though...never. She'd never given him a chance truly.
It was hard for her to admit it and she she didn't want to but Raven knew that she had a fear that involved Beast Boy...and she would never say so to anyone.
Beast boy was happy with Terra. Something he could never be with her, that pained her more than anything else honestly. The fact-not an opinion, a thought, a fact-Beast Boy...hell anyone could never be happy with her.
Raven dug her dull nails into the pillow as she tried to push away the emotions that were brimming up the surface. "Why? When?" she questioned herself quietly smothering herself deeper into the exterior of the cushion.
Her questioning was meaningless though. She remembered the day she realized she loved him, even though she had hid it so well until now. The day she realized he knew her to well. The day he looked right through her:
It was early and the sun shone brightly and lite the main room in it's golden light. The smell of waffles and bacon filled the room and drifted through out the tower. Raven floated in the middle of the room reading her book as usual, Robin and Starfire sat at the table talking about something only they would be interested in and Cyborg was whistling a old song as he cooked breakfast. Everything was at peace and no one was bothered.
Until, the other happy couple came tearing and giggling through like a lovey-dovey hurricane and it was named, Terra and Beast Boy. Everyone looked at them as they ran around the room Beast boy chasing Terra who was laughing so hard it was a surprise she didn't collapse from lack of breath. Beast boy caught Terra around the waist and pulled her and him down onto the couch. Laughing they didn't notice the others starring at them as if they were completely crazy.
Terra sat up clinging to her sides while her boy friend stayed clinging to her waist. "Ahum!" Cyborg had interrupted their laughter still starring at the couple as he flipped a waffle on it's uncooked side. "Oh, dudes sorry. What's for lunch?" Beast boy released his girl friend and maneuvered so he was on Terra's right and a arm lazily but lovingly draped over her shoulder.
Raven pulled up from the pillow and laid her head down so she was looking out of her window wall. The city was dreamily covered in a veil of navy blue night time that was sprinkled with the gleam of stars. She didn't want to remember how she felt at the sight of Terra and Beast Boy smiling and laughing...but it had left a confusing bitter-sweet taste in her heart.
Bitter at the quick wish that she could take Terra's place but knowing it would never be and sweet to know he was happy...she didn't know how to feel so she tried to hide both as much as she could but once again she had the eerie feeling that beast Boy had seen right through her facade.
"It's breakfast if you must know. And 'we' are having waffles and bacon." Raven said landing on the floor snapping her book shut glaring at the two. Beast boy slightly jerked back at Raven's words and how they were like a knife killing his joy and at the snap of the book. Raven knew how sharp and angry her words came out and from the way Beast Boy blankly analyzed her he had a good guess of what was wrong.
"Oh well I'll cook tofu bacon and eggs and have some soy milk. What about you T?" Beast boy smiled sweetly at Terra. "Same." she had answered with a joyful grin pulling at the edges of her lips. "Yeah, well everyone else. Foods done!" Cyborg said staking a plate full of bacon and waffles and taking it to the table. Sitting down he rubbed his hands together already drooling. "Raven you want one or two waffles?" Robin asked holding a plate she guessed was hers fixing her plate long with Star's. Shaking her head at him Raven had drug her dark sapphire gems back to the couple on the couch her gaze sour despite her efforts to look unwavered and grimly stated, "I think I lost my appetite."
Turning around and beginning her way out of the main room every thought that passed her mind was a way to conclude her feelings without revealing what she had begun to know. Feeling the eyes of her teammates boring down on her desending form she looked back, her big mistake.
Beast boy was looking at her with his green orbs that held a spark of intellect Raven hadn't ever expected to see in him. He didn't look mad, beyond the breaking point, like he was just done with trying to figure out the paradox that was Raven Roth.
Instead he looked like he knew she was really upset that he had fell in love with Terra and not her. That out of all the people in the world he chosen a traitor to let take his heart. Beast boy held his gaze on her as if waiting for Raven to turn on her heel and blurt out every bit of aching emotion that was welling up inside of her as burning lump in her throat that she wanted to scream away. But she was to proud for that.
He looked at her in away that made her question why she acted the way she did when he was around him. Why she treated him like a germ that if she ever gave the time of day he would infect every fiber of her being; and yet somehow he already how. Those bright emerald green gems burned with insight, patience, and...hurt. Raven had let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and snatched her blue orbs away from the interlocked stare and kept on walking away.
And still she could feel his eyes oh her, and only his eyes had ever burned that deep into her to the point he was looking right through her.
Raven signed again as she thought of the day a cold chill of reminisce running up her spine as the heated feeling of Beast Boy's eyes staring her down came back. 'Why am I like that? So cold, distant, and bitter. It's only towards him. Just him.' Raven thought silently. 'You know why.' a humble voice whispered around her.
Sitting up quicker than lighting Raven scanned her room in shock. She knew that voice, the way it flowed gently and soothingly while always holding that raw sweet firmness. How could she forget it?
But...it couldn't be.
"Mom?" she whispered straining to keep her voice identical to her mother's. She waited, listened, her breathing shortening with panging hope her mother was back-here for her like a mother should be.
Nothing. Dead silence meet Raven's heightened hope's along with the pain of knowing that it was all a fantasy delusion to ave her mother by her side as she tried to figure out why she was feeling the things she felt. Most teenagers had that, why couldn't she?
Shaking off yet another group of hopeless emotions Raven threw herself back onto the bed, splayed out and staring blankly up at the ceiling."Great now I'm losing my mind." Raven grumbled dully. Looked once again over to the clock a heavy sighed passed her lips. Two hours had passed, apparently going back to the day you figured out admittedly falling in love with someone and imagining your demision's away mother was talking to you took up more time than trying to figure out emotions.
One o'clock A.M, in the least of any uplifting events it was morning that's what she wanted and more or less needed. Tossing her feet over the edge Raven slipped out of her bed and into the shadowy standstill of darkness that was always consuming her room. Grabbing a cloak out of the closest she swung around her body clasping the ruby red gem closed and letting it rest around the form of her body, snatched the book off of the nightstand, and stopped to looked at herself in the mirror.
"Demon..." was the only word she could grind out to describe the monster that stared back at her. Her purple hair that had been inching closer and closer towards her shoulders and no longer in the angled bob she had kept neatly kept it cut at for years, beautiful sapphire had been gaining violet touches in her big iris's which scared her truthfully, grey skin had seemed to be gently tinted in peach as of late, and a book hugged to her chest. With all the changes, small or not, all she depict from the young woman she glared at was a full blooded monster.
The reflection's eyes lightened suddenly into a pure, silky dark lilac. Gasping Raven backed away raising her hands, letting the book clatter to the floor, edged in black magic. The supposed mirror image of her didn't follow her movements instead it smiled easily at her, purple gems shimmering with a new bit of advice Raven really didn't want to hear.
Tucking a stray hair behind her ear the reflection's smile wavered. "I know, you out of all us Emotions I'm one of your least favorite, but I just had to say; you know damn well what it is your feeling so stop hiding me! Oh, and also if you go and do your little restless-night remedy your going to get what you deserve. Bye!"
Without another word Raven was starring at herself, rigid with one leg bent behind her and the other stiffly locked at angle in front of her and her arms outstretched hands now in a thin sheen of magic.
And worse of all, she was gazing at herself with lilac hazed eyes filled with a horrific realization she didn't want to face.
Relaxing somewhat Raven wagered what her Emotion had told her: 'If you go and do your little restless-night remedy your going to get what you deserve.' Her plan was to drink some herbal tea to calm her nerves and if nothing else get into a state were she could meditate the emotions away. Now though with the threat of her Emotion she was hesitant to follow through with it.
"Whatever." she spat acidly to no one. Not physically anyway, but mentally she was speaking to the purple based feeling she loathed. Picking up the book from the floor Raven flipped it open to the page she had stopped at last time and buried her face in it while walking out of her room, "getting what she deserved" was far more better than be stuck in a room where your emotions were popping up in mirrors in her opinion.
Reading her book by the dim hall lights Raven walked off of memory through the Tower towards the main room. It took everything in her to barricade all her thoughts and worries into the back of her mind, lock her feelings deep-deeper than she had in a long time-and keep focus solely on the climaxing end of the book.
As she neared the main room that blockage of heart and mind was shattered. Raven's breath caught in her throat as her shocked orbs shot up to the double doors of the living room/kitchen area. No doubt through out the years of her being a Titan and living in the tower she had endured a lot of raging emotions from this particular room. Good, bad, and the in between. But this...? Sickening.
Rage, jealousy, confusion, desperation, lust, hate, and the disheartened feeling of falling out of love. It was all wrapped into one big ball of radiating emotions that were attacking Raven all at once. Shaking uncontrollably the book toppled out of her quivering hands and once again onto the floor. One hand flew up to her constraining throat in reaction to lack of air. Wave after typhoon of merciless, vehement feelings crashed over her and with every new wave Raven began to get what her Emotion had been talking about.
What she deserved...death?
Death by a suffocating, despondency of emotions. How lovely!
Stumbling to the opposite wall Raven let her body slide onto the floor, backwardly pushing herself away from the cursed door. She didn't know what was going on but she knew if she didn't get away from the aftermath of it she was going to die.
The crashing sound of something braking brought Raven back enough from the struggle of breathing and demolishing explosions of emotions bursting around her to worry that her powers were acting out against the outburst of feelings.
Before she could care for a second longer though a earsplitting hoarse, screaming voice screeched out past the roar of her own perturbation, "I am so sick of this! I am so sick of you! Of them! And especially her!" Raven felt a new torturous rush filled with anger, hate, disgust, and hope. She could feel that the hope was for something she wouldn't agree with but she was to caught up with the need to breath to try and decipher the hope from the rest of the negative-but from the way ti swelled in a manipulative way that she didn't fully think even the hope was good.
If Raven was breathing in that moment she would have chocked on bad memories from that furious voice. The encounter she had the last time that voice had been raised in her direction her life had ended up on the line...for days, weeks, and months to come she had prayed that she would never have to listen to that tone come from that voice ever again.
Apparently her prayer had worn out it's working course after so long not praying.
"I'm so fuckin' tired of you! All you've ever done is hurt me, lied to me, betrayed me...I don't know why I even wasted my time even trying to love someone as twisted as you." the voice bellowed out louder with a growing growl as each word was barked out.
There was a pause. Raven forced herself to slide further away from the door as yet again the tension peaked and went seeking for in the darkness. Finding enough strength in herself Raven forced every morsel of her power to manifest in front of her until all that lay ahead of her was outlined in white and she was given a slight relief from the flaring disturbing emotions.
Catching her breath by taking in a panting gulp Raven coherently wished she had stayed in her room.
Another quiet silence passed and then it was gone, being chased away by more venomously hissed words. "And leave her out of this!" he growled threateningly. "Of course! You would defend the demon! You don't get it do you? She hates you! She hates everyone! She's a emo, emotionless, freak. Think about it for a second. She does not love you, I do." she argued smoothly her voice edged with razor sharp razors but soothed over with a paining truth in her tone.
Raven let the girl's words seep in. They had called no names, but their were few people that took up residence in the tower and only two pairs of those two were in a relationship to argue like this. She had read many a book, t was second nature now to read between the lines and make a correct conclusion without a hint of unsureness in her. Raven knew...
From the beginning she had known who the two were, Beast Boy and Terra. That was a no brainer, still though the feelings and words that were tangled together through out this argument had left Raven wishing she had stayed away, headed her Emotion's warning, and just sulked in her room and put on a "happy" face for the day.
And now she knew all the inbetween meaning in the words as well. Terra was tired of being here, and she was pointing fingers at everyone else to blame for her resent of living here and Beast Boy was defending his friends, his family. Then there was the other parts...the ones that had stung like pissy bees swarming in her heart.
Raven was the emotionless freak, the source of their argument, and in her and Terra's belief's Raven had, has, and always will ruin everything.
How though? She did everything she could to keep everyone safe from the horrible hurricane that was her. Shielded them from the truth of her origin for so long until it was inevitable for them to find out, opened up to most of her team and still managed to be just as distant as she had on the first day their little team had formed, and now to. Love had snuck up on her and as she tried to lock it away, hide it from everyone's prying eyes, and kill it somehow she'd ruined a relationship...
All she ever did was fuck everything up without even trying to she was just cursed with bad luck. Regret and sorrow enveloped Raven in a cloak of grey. The burn of tears pricked at her trembling dark orbs with nothing left to do but hide her emotions from the world she held head in her hands and ran through all the dimensions she could disappear to.
"I'm done!" Terra screamed. Raven's thinking halted instantly. Snapping her eyes up to the double doors that were still outlined in white through the shield of black magic she could already picture what those words would lead up to. Terra was going to come out storming out of the main room in a sweep of tears and rage, pack her things and run away from the argument and most likely from the Titans that she had just managed to build up a new and fresh life with, and disappear into the twilight. Leaving behind a miserable wreckage of what used to be Beast boy who wouldn't tell anyone what happened and all the other Titans in a mix of confusion, except for of course her.
Just like last time...a bad cycle that Raven never wanted to relive again.
No! She wouldn't allow it. Sure if she let Terra walk away then maybe there was the chance that in his time of depression Raven could help beast Boy, open up, and each of them let one another in finding love and comfort in one another. But that was just foolish thinking that Raven knew would never come true, life didn't work like that-especially not for a a bad luck demon.
Standing against the pain, misery, and her emotions screaming at her to sit her ass back down in the shadows and let the dumb blonde run away again. She shook it all off though, it was for Beast Boy, he'd saved her life and now she was helping keep his happy.
The doors slid open and a fuming Terra was revealed with tears streaming out of her big crystal blue orbs. Both pair of differing blue gems locked together in a unwavering battle, each one picking up on things the other would rather them not see but yet they let it go on reading each other in the dead silence of a night lit hallway.
"Terra...," Raven cut through the silence and the time of looking into one another determined to get Terra to stay. Emotions were still screeching at her to let her go and she wanted to, she'd never liked Terra after her first betryal so early in the life of a new family she had tried to kill off, and she never would. Beast Boy though...he had, he'd loved her through thick and thin. She couuldn't just let her loves love slip away.
"Don't do this he...Beast boy loves you. He always has. Your going to throw that away? Because of a argument?" Raven tried to reason in Beast Boy defense while playing off that she understood how Terra felt though in all honesty she was struggling to see the blue eyes devil's view on things.
"You just don't get it do you?" Terra asked suddenly all the anger melted away and she looked at Raven as if she was a clueless innocent child confused about something in the world that it took time, age, and wisdom to understand. Terra smirked and shook her head while more water spilled out of her eyes. "He loves you." she said firmly.
'Why did she say it like that?' Raven questioned wordlessly as the words Terra had just spoken as clear as a bird repeated through her mind running circles around her self logic. The blonde had made it sound like it was the most well known, talked about thing on the planet as if everyone knew and there was no denying it whatsoever.
Raven shook her head anyway, refusing to let Terra get away with such a ridiculous statement. "No. T that's all you. He's yours and your his. Please listen to me. He loves you not me."Raven tried again this time she wanted more than anything for Terra to stay, to take her words in agreement walk back in the room and make up with Beast Boy.
She didn't know why she was doing this. If she left she may have the chance to make Terra's word true but she doubted that would ever happen. She wanted, no needed, Terra to stay to keep everything as it was. If it meant her suffering through a love crazed life but Beast Boy's happiness, she'd do it.
Terra whipped her tears away and frowned opposed to the will to smile. "No. Raven that's all you...and I don't want to ruin it for you." and with that Terra stormed off down the hall most likely to her room to pack her things and leave. Raven couldn't move to chase after her. Taking a weary step back she turned her head to look through the still open doorway and caught Beast Boy's green eyed gaze transfixed on her.
"Beast boy-" Raven began but was interrupted by the changeling. "Rae don't. I'm sorry."he said no longer looking at her. "Sorry for what? This is all my fault." Raven said in a deadpan voice as she walked into the room and stopped only feet away from the boy she loved.
Beast Boy brought his head backup and looked down on Raven who could tell he was holding something back but wit a shake of his head and a shrug of his shoulders it was gone nad their was a confused serious gleaming in his green jewels that made Raven catch her breath.
"Rae...just tell me something." he said gently as if treading on unstable grounds keeping their eyes locked. Once again his gaze went right through her and she didn't want to answer anything as she shrunk back against his holding heavy watching. Plus, she was scared of what the something was.
"Anything." she said meekily. Beast Boy took in a deep breath and his left ear twitched back, down, and perked out something Raven had noticed he had a habit of doing when he was nervous. "Raven...d-do you like m-me?" he asked hesitantly.
To say Raven was caught off guard was an under statement. To think she was boiling on the inside with the want and need to spill out her feelings but holding back you had no idea. What in the hell was she supposed to say?!
Fess up or shut up?
She loved him with every ounce of her willing heart while trying to hide away in the unwilling sides. He had to mean as a frie-, "Not as a friend." he said unkowingly bursting her self conscious bubble.
Feeling her face burning brighter as she fought with herself internally she wished she could pull a Terr and just run away. 'Should I tell him?' she thought helplessly some part of her wishing her spark of insanity would come back in that moment and she would hear her mother's hard wispy voice whispering around her. She had to tell him, this was her chance, all or nothing.
"No!" she blurted out sharply as if the very image of her and him was revolting.
"And now your stuck with nothing..." a dreary voice grumbled carelessly inside of her mind.
"Nu-uh she still had us!" another similar but noticeably more cherry voice chimed in.
Raven gritted her teeth as she realized she had let her guard down enough for her Emotions to be freely talking out in her mind and she could hear them. "All of you or what got me in this mess to begin with! I would rather be stuck with nothing than you all!" she hissed sourly as her eyes crossed to glare up at the jewel adorned in the middle of her forehead.
Beast Boy looked at Raven confused at the little show she had just put on. Her face burned hotter if that was possible. "I-I...?" she tabbed her temple then wrung her hands beginning to tremble with fear of yet another person she had completely cut off because of her actions.
She really did mess everything up.
Beast boy smiled.
"Just answer the question Rae-Rae." he pressured seriously, Beast Boy may have acted like an idiot and a jokester which was true but he wasn't completely clueless. He could see the discomfort through Raven's body movement, and in her eyes he refused to look away from until he received his answer he could see she was at war with her self.
Raven opened her mouth about to speak but closed it again when she looked up into Beast Boy's hardcore intimate gaze which was turning into a low level glare by now. She looked away quickly down to stare at her tight clenched fist that were tangled together by her grey slender fingers and still somehow shaking. A shrug brought her shoulders up and down and she looked back up into the green pool's she oh-so-loved.
'Now or never.' she reminded herself quickly and she had made up her mind on which one she would be choosing out of the short phrase that she never thought would hold so much over her life.
It was her time to make a decision and she had made up her mind...
"As a friend." she said bluntly, trying and succeeding to keep her voice level and unreadable. "That's what we've always been, just friends." Raven noted her tone as uninteresting as she could force it to be, but it contrasted against the small fake smile she was forcing to pull crookedly at the corner of her lips.
'Never.' she whispered forcefully hoping it would travel down the depths of her mind and echo out to her emotions.
Something in Beast Boy shifted suddenly. His emerald eyes darkened to a hazy forest green. He gritted his abnormally sharp teeth as he spoke, "Raven. I know you. Maybe not the way Robin or Cyborg do and definitely not the way Starfire does I know you. Don't try this lying, oh-Raven-doesn't-feel-anything, bull crap. I know when your lying. Tell me the truth." he lectures and pleaded looking down on the smaller girl who looked away once again, past him out to the window that over looked the city.
Beast Boy felt the need to jerk her attention back on him but he knew if he lashed out so animalsticly he'd scare her away.
"I-I-" Beast Boy cut Raven off with his own words that sliced through her train of thought.
"I know what your going to say, 'I am telling you the truth, mutt breath'. But I don't know anymore...Please I need to know if what everyone is telling me is true." Beast boy took a step towards Raven who backed away in reaction.
"Us as friends and nothing more than that is the truth, Beast Boy," Raven emphasized his name to trifle the usage of one of her old nick names for him he had guessed she still liked to call him. "And whose everyone and what are they telling you?" Raven questioned remembering what Beast Boy had said.
At that question Beast Boy didn't hesitate to answer. "Everyone! Everyone is telling me about how we have a secret love! That if Terra finds out there's going to be a lot of drama and I'll have to pick who i love and I'll pick you. Or how we make such a cute 'opposite's attract' label couple. And how I love you. And you lobe me-though you don't wanna admit it. Heck, even the guys are saying it and they know I am dating Terra but they think it's a mistake. They know it's a mistake! Heck maybe they and everyone else is right!" he took a heavy breath since he hadn't stopped to breath since he had begun his rant. His eyes were filled with pity and desperation and Raven felt so horrible being the cause of those two emotions swimming in his green gems. "Raven," he sighed finally. "Prove them wrong, or prove them right; just be real with me." Beast boy said solemnly.
"I told you the truth." Raven whispered it seemed it was the only thing she could say at this point.
Beast boy lowered his head so that his green bangs hung in front of his face, smothering the bitter smirk and tear blurred eyes. "Typical Raven," he muttered grimly. "Never show any care for anyone or anything. Keep everything bottle up and hope no one sees when your lying about being a-okay. Just know this, Rae, I'm not blind, I see your hiding something and I see your lying your ass off right now. And I will get you to admit what it is your hiding."Beast boy raised his head and edged towards Raven until they were only inches apart, bodies almost flushed together. Raven leaned as far away as she could but her feet wouldn't move with the impulse to run. So she was stuck with Beast boy inches away from her face, his breath mixing with hers, his beautiful green eyes starring at her blue ones,and their bodies slightly touching.
"Now! Do something, anything now!" a bundle of her emotions screamed at her and before she could think about she closed her eyes and was about to let the impulse of her emotions take over.
But before she could follow through or realize what she was doing, Beats boy leaned back suddenly, his emerald orbs storming with so much emotion Raven was once again being attacked by the extreme of it all and walked-well, more like ran-out of the room. When the sliding doors had slid shut Raven stood in the same spot her face burning crimson still as she tried to reclaim control of herself without having to break down in tears. 'You had a chance and you blew it!' a voice yelled inside her, it wasn't one of her emotions, but the thing inside of her that most people called a conscious while she called it the annoying piece of her that informed her when she had let something slip by her when she knew it could have ended differently without even trying to change it.
But she ignored it without much more thought than a simple, 'I know.', in reply.
"Only around him would I blow it. Going from never to now at the drop of a dime...I have no control when it comes to him. And he was looking right through me again." Raven whispered falling to the floor her cloak shrouding around her body as she forced herself to keep her chin held high. "How can he such an idiot? Such a jokerster? Such a...Beast Boy. And still look right through me? I thought I had everything covered, everything hid, but he can see right through me with out having to look that deep either. How? Why?"Raven asked to no one in particular while staring out the window of the main room seeing the silver shining moon that was now slowly beginning to descend towards the horizon midnight black of what was left of the night.
She seemed to be asking the moon why.
"You know why," came the same humble voice as before in her room. "He loves you." Raven sighed, blankly looking at the moon. She didn't know that, he loved Terra and there would never be a change for that. But if this was her mother she knew there was no point in arguing; the old phrase mother knows best would be used against any testimony she tried to hold to her "mom's" accusations.
So she went along with it not knowing what else to do but wanting to keep the chit-cat between the moon and her up as long as possible. "Why though? Why me, of all people? Hasn't he seen an heard the things I've done? I'm a monster...a demon."Raven told and asked the moon with tears biting chilling down her cheeks by the truth and confusion that she voiced aloud unlike her usual way of thinking and locking away.
The moon's glow grew brighter at the statement as if to brighten up the darkness that Raven saw in herself. "The worst in you is nothing more than another part of you. Another part he loves." the moon answered in that motherly voice you just couldn't find the words to argue with. Raven sighed again, "Why is he such a idiot, then to love me?" this time the voice did not respond and Raven took that as a sign, that her time was up and from here own out she was on own as always. "We just aren't meant to be." she whispered as her last words to the moon, to her mother, or whoever cared to listen anymore and with that Raven walked out and headed for her room the events of the early morning running through her mind as much as she tried to block out everything.
When she neared her room she stopped and waited blending in with the shadows, something planing her there and not willing to let her walk off. As the feeling of running and hiding came back to a full, emotion numbing force and she felt as if she could run away freely again he passed by. She felt the sadness and loss radiating off of him. He stopped at her door standing near it without looking at but feeling it there.
Raven pushed back instead of forward like she had only a second ago. Holding her breath, practically paralyzing herself from the inside and out she watched.
A growl forced it's way through gritted fangs and suddenly a balled up, knuckle tight fist was sent into her door. A piercing crack of bones with the gush of blood broke the silence Raven now wished had stayed. Harsh angry breaths were heaved in and out and it shook the whole of Beast Boy's form. Raven could feel the need to have a primal out break charge into her room and rip everything to shreds-tear the whole tower apart just to show he was serious and he was pissed. Somehow though he held back and simply glared up at the name plate that had Raven's named engraved into it, wistful adoration in those still emotionally wrecked deep jade pools.
"I don't care what you sat Raven, how well you hide it, or how much you deny it. Everyone...their right. I know it! We...We are right for each other and I'm not going to hide that any more. But you will, and I swear I'll get out admit it. I don't know why I love you, why I have to keep wanting you even though I have Terra, I just don't know. And I don't care but I'll get it out of you, I promise." After speaking his part Beast Boy recoiled his blood tainted glove away from the wall and walked away.
"No we aren't and you want get anything out of me." and with her part said Raven entered her room and starred at the moon as she sat on the floor at her window-wall. Her gaze was locked on the moon that was more or less gone from view and was now simply a glistening silver-white curved edge dipped into the Jump City waters and suffocated by a mix of bright morning colors.
But it was still the moon, it was still somewhat night, and there was still a chance she could get one more thing out of her Mother.
"Is it true? Are we right for each other?" she whispered not expecting an answer but still hoping and praying she would get one. But expectations out weighed prayers and wishes and Raven was given no answer.
Raven was officially alone stranded by herself with nothing else but her heart, soul, body, and mind all fighting a war she couldn't foresee a winner for.
So this was one of my very first stories, legit I think this was my first story ever on here. But I wasn't as experienced as I am now and since I'm a class A screw up when it comes to grammar it took a lot for people to understand and like and I am very surprised I didn't not get my tail flamed like a marshmallow during a camp fire back then. But I got a review for this a long time back this year or last year and I was like 'Huh, I guess I should touch it up since I think and hope I am a little bit better of an author nowadays.' so here it is the touch up of my very first story 'Right Thru Me'! And yes, I got the inspiration of off Nicki Minaj's song but I had no understanding ground when it came to songfic's so I didn't write it as one. But annnyway hope you all enjoyed it! Peace, Love, Good Timez! ^_~