I'm pretty sure this one will be continued.
Kurt and Blaine are on the couch watching a Project Runway marathon. To be more accurate, Kurt and Blaine are on the couch not watching the Project Runway marathon Kurt turned on less than twenty minutes ago.
Kurt's straddling Blaine's lap, one hand on his shoulder, the other in his hair. Blaine's teeth are at his neck , and Kurt's not actually on the couch with Blaine; he's in heaven. He pulls away and down a little so their lips can meet, and there's a moist, warm, glide of pressure against his lips before Blaine's tongue is in his mouth, sweeping across his teeth before tangling with his own. Kurt could spend all day doing this…
The door creaks, and no, no he can't spend all day doing this, because he needs to move now. He rolls to the side, sitting next to Blaine as though nothing was just happening. Blaine runs his hand up Kurt's arm, but he shrugs away. Blaine sighs and crosses his legs, as seems prudent.
"Hey, I'm home!" Finn calls out loudly, shucking his shoes and throwing his football equipment next to the door.
"Hi, Finn," Kurt and Blaine greet. Finn is in the kitchen, the thudding cabinets tell them, but he's shortly plopping into the seat next to Blaine, microwaved burrito in hand.
"What are you guys watching?" Finn asks. Blaine knows this is just to see if Kurt will offer up the remote; Kurt and Finn almost never watch the same shows.
"Project Runway. It's a rerun, though, so you can change the channel. We were just about to go to my room to study," Kurt says. He's about to get up, but Blaine puts a hand on his knee to stop him. Kurt moves his knee away from Blaine's hand, but he doesn't stand up.
"Why don't we stay in here for a minute?" Blaine suggests. Kurt looks over questioningly, and Blaine pointedly adjusts his legs. Kurt raises eyebrow and smirks, and, oh, he's really not getting up anytime soon. Blaine wonders if there's a way to get Finn distracted long enough to sneak to Kurt's room, but it's not looking promising. "So how's training going, Finn?"
"It's okay, I guess. Bieste's drills are pretty intense," Finn says in-between mouthfuls of buritto.
"I know. You smell like a goat," Kurt says, but there's a smile in his eyes, so Finn just shakes his head and takes off his socks.
"Oh, god, I was kidding, but jeez, Finn, take that somewhere else! That's noxious!" Kurt groans.
"Oh come on, it's not that bad," Finn says, waving the sock in his face. "Oh wait, no, it is. Oh my god, that's disgusting! I'm going to put these back in my bag; Puck has got to smell this."
Blaine gives Kurt his your-step-brother-is-a-total-neanderthal-and-I-can't-believe-you-used-to-have-a-crush-on-him look. Kurt gives Blaine his I-know-I-know-but-in-my-defense-have-you-seen-the-other-guys-at-my-old-school? look. Blaine uncrosses his legs, because really, they should market that smell as the anti-Viagra, and Kurt stand up.
"C'mon, let's go study in my room. With my Febreeze."
Blaine follows Kurt down the hall. Kurt opens his door, gesturing for Blaine to go in ahead of him. When Kurt walks in, he shuts the door immediately behind himself. Blaine hears the lock click, and he is suddenly pinned to Kurt's bed.
"So where were we?" Kurt asks, voice a little too low.
Blaine's happy to show him.
Kurt likes Dalton Academy, but he really misses his friends from New Directions. When Mercedes texts him on Tuesday, they plan a movie marathon on Friday night. He's excited about it all week. They plan out all the movies they are going to watch, what they are going to eat, who they are going to gossip about, and which pajamas they'll wear. Then Friday morning, Kurt gets an email from Express about a sale. By third period history, they've decided to run by the mall before dinner.
Finn takes Mercedes back to the house after glee club practice to find Kurt already there. A few minutes of high decibel squeals and hugs and they are out the door.
After an hour and a half of trying on clothes, Kurt has a lovely new pair of slacks, a sweater that he is promised brings out his eyes, three button-down shirts, a silk tie, and a bright scarf that will look great with his coat. Mercedes has killer heels and lots of fantastic jewelry. With a warm credit card in his wallet and a warm smile on his face, he and Mercedes start walking toward the food court. Halfway there, Mercedes stops and turns to a store that appears to be advertising exercise equipment.
"Those things actually exist?" Mercedes laughs. "Kurt, we've got to go in there."
"Are you sure? Because I really don't think we do," Kurt says, but he follows her anyway. "What on earth could you possibly want to buy here?"
"I'm not buying anything, but I've got to see this."
It's kind of annoying, Kurt thinks, that Mercedes won't tell him what's going on, but he's used to it, so he follows. Suddenly, he sees what has put a smile on Mercedes' face and laughs.
"Oh god, the commercials for this thing are absolutely pornographic," Kurt says, picking up a packaged ShakeWeight. Mercedes picks one up and gives it a few awkward shakes. Kurt giggles and shakes the one in his hand twice before turning and looking to see if the other patrons in the shop were paying attention to them.
They weren't, but someone had certainly noticed.
"Oh, shit, Mercedes, don't look, don't look, don't look," he moans.
Mercedes turns immediately, trying to see what he's talking about. As Kurt tentatively sets down the ShakeWeight, Mercedes sees what he was talking about.
Blaine is standing outside the store, a slightly glazed-over look in his eyes. He waves, and Mercedes, that horrible traitor, beckons him inside.
"Hi Kurt, hi Mercedes," Blaine greets. He's immediately caught in a firm hug by Mercedes. He kisses her check and squeezes her back. He turns to hug Kurt, but Kurt just reaches out with his hand and jostles Blaine's shoulder a little bit.
"Hey, Blaine. We were just shopping," he says, holding up his bags. He knows he won't have to have the discussion about the ShakeWeight now, because Blaine is immediately caught up in his new clothes. When he discoverers the sweater, the rest of the world is dead to him.
"Oh my god, that's gorgeous, that blue must really bring out your eyes!" Blaine gushes.
"That's what they said. I think they had one left in your size, in olive. You should go try it on; I bet it would look great on you!"
"Olive, do you think? With my skin tone?"
"Oh, absolutely with your skin tone!"
"Are you sure, because you know I've tried olive before, and…"
Mercedes clears her throat.
"Sorry, I forgot you hate it when we queen out on you," Kurt says. He blushes a little bit, but all is forgiven.
"Oh, honey, I wouldn't set foot in the courtyard if I wasn't ready for the queen, but…"
"Yeah, sorry Blaine, we've got a date night. I'll text you tomorrow morning. Do try on the sweater, though. In olive," he says. His eyes go a little funny when he looks to Blaine, but then he turns to the exit. Blaine wants to say something, but he doesn't.
Mercedes and Kurt are sitting in the food court when Mercedes says, "You guys didn't break up, did you?"
"Of course not! Please, if we broke up I'd have a lot more than two bags."
"You talk about him all the time, and you spend all your time with him, but I never really see you touch him." Mercedes treads carefully. She knows with one false step she could hit a whole landmine of bitch.
"I just don't feel like it's everyone's business," Kurt asserts. "I mean, nobody likes a couple who can't keep their hands off each other."
"I guess… But, I mean, a hug couldn't hurt, could it?"
Kurt doesn't respond. He looks down at his salad for a minute before taking a sip of water.
"Forget it. He makes you happy, and I'm glad."
"Me, too," Kurt says, but he sounds a little off.
He knows it's probably going to be a terrible movie, but Kurt's thrilled when Blaine invites him to see the latest romantic comedy.
They find seats near the back of the theater. Blaine pulls up the armrest between their seats. He puts his arm around Kurt's shoulders. Kurt looks around the theater. He doesn't see anyone he recognizes. When the lights go out, Kurt leans into Blaine's arms. He kisses Kurt's cheek, and Kurt pulls Blaine's arms tight around his waist. They watch the movie like that: Blaine sideways with his arms full of Kurt, Kurt leaning his back into Blaine's chest.
When the movie ends, Blaine's feeling a little giddy. The movie was pretty cute; watching it with Kurt's warm body against his was wonderful. He reaches out to grab Kurt's hand and is a little surprised when Kurt's fingers thread through his. They make their way out of the movie theater. They chat a little about the movie and argue about which of the protagonists love interests was hotter. Everything is going so nicely until Kurt's hand suddenly pulls away from Blaine's. Blaine looks at him questioningly, but Kurt is already walking over to a pair of girls in cheerleading outfits.
"Hi Brittany, hi Santana," Kurt greets. "This is my boyfriend, Blaine."
The two girls are suddenly looking at him very intently. He feels a little uncomfortable.
"Cute. Does he come in hetero?" Santana asks with a smile.
"Your eyebrows are like angry caterpillars," Brittany observes neutrally.
"I don't think so, and my father's are worse, unfortunately," Blaine answers with what he hopes is a charming smile. The girls look sufficiently charmed, and he's relieved. They say their goodbyes, and Kurt and Blaine head to the parking lot.
"They seemed nice," Blaine says.
"I guess. Santana's got kind of a mean streak, but Brittany's nice enough. Would you believe I dated her for a while?"
"Wait, what? You had a straight phase?" Blaine asks. It's funny; he wouldn't buy Kurt as straight for a minute. Blaine clicks his key fob to unlock the doors. They climb into his car and buckle up.
"I thought I told you about that. I mean, not really, I just thought my dad would be happier with a straight son, so…"
"You dated a girl to make your dad happy? Why? Mr. Hummel seems like he's really supportive."
"He's not unsupportive or anything, but… It's complicated. It was just a few days, anyway. We only made out once, and that was just so my dad would see, so it hardly counts."
Blaine can't believe how nonchalant Kurt is being. He really wants to pull over so he can look at him.
"You made out with her in front of your dad? You won't even hold my hand in front of him." Blaine is trying his hardest to be calm, but he doesn't feel calm at all. He feels like he's been lied to, which is ridiculous; he hasn't been. Still, he's been trying to accept that Kurt's not comfortable with PDA. He's tried to be supportive, but this? He doesn't know what to do with this.
"That's different. It's not…" Kurt's quiet and uncomfortable, and Blaine's mind is reeling. It's a few minutes before Kurt says, "It didn't mean anything."
"But this does," Blaine says, because it has to mean something.
"Of course it does. That's why-"
"Are you ashamed of me?" It's sudden and harsh, but he needs to ask.
"Of course I'm not! I told them we were dating, didn't I?"
They're parked in front of Kurt's house now, but he doesn't want to go in.
"You should probably go inside," Blaine says.
"Are you going to come with me?" Kurt asks, even though he knows the answer.
"No. Look, we're… I don't know what we are, but I'll text you later tonight, okay? It's not… I just need to think." His hands are tight on the steering wheel.
"Are you mad at me?" Kurt's voice is very soft. Blaine can't look at him.
"I… I won't be when I text you."
"But you are now."
"I promise I'll text you, and we'll sort it out."
Kurt wants to yell. He wants to yell, and he wants to throw something, and he definitely does not want to leave Blaine's car without some kind of resolution. He unbuckles his seatbelt, though. He looks down at his shoes for a moment.
"I love you," he says, because he can't get out of the car unless he says it.
"I know," Blaine says. His voice is quiet, and he still won't look at Kurt. "I love you, too. I'll text you."
Kurt opens the door. He wants to drag Blaine into the house with him and kiss him in front of his dad and Carole and Finn. He wants to make things okay, because he's not a wait and see kind of guy. He's a right now kind of guy, and right now he feels like shit, and right now he just wants things to be okay with Blaine. But Blaine's a wait and see guy, and he's not going to push it.
It's already fractured, and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do if he breaks it.
Blaine backs out of his driveway before he gets his key in the door.
"Hi, I'm home," Kurt says as he walks through the door.
"How was your date?" Carole asks, as he walks by the sofa where she and his father are sitting.
"Pretty good," Kurt says.
"That's nice," she says. "Blaine's such a nice boy."
Before anyone else can say anything, Kurt says, "I'm going to take a shower. There were some guys smoking outside the theater, and I need to wash my hair."
The water's barely on before his tears start falling.
Blaine looks over at his phone for the tenth time. He knows he should just text Kurt already, but he still doesn't know what to say.
He can't get over the idea that Kurt was more willing to be affectionate with some girl he didn't care about than with him.
He's asked Kurt why he's so uncomfortable with PDA before. He usually just says that he thinks relationships should be private. Then he says "Oh, my, it looks like we're in a private place right now," and gives Blaine a hard kiss that makes Blaine forget their conversation and everything else.
He assumed it was because Kurt had never been in a relationship before, but apparently that wasn't true. Kurt dated a girl, and it didn't matter at all, but it mattered so much.
Blaine's not mad any more. He's just sad, and he feels like a total idiot.
Kurt's putting on lotion (because depression is not an excuse for foregoing proper moisturizing techniques) when his phone buzzes. He jumps and wipes his hands off, but it's Mercedes.
"Hey boo. Howd ur hot date go?"
He hesitates but presses call.
"Hey, Kurt. I guess it must have been real good if you've got to call me up and give me all the deets, huh?" Mercedes voice is teasing, but Kurt doesn't respond. "Kurt, are you there?"
"Yeah, I'm here. It's… it wasn't very good." He launches into an explanation, and Mercedes is calling him honey and baby, but he knows she doesn't really understand.
"So what are you going to tell him?" Mercedes asks. Her tone is gentle, but the question really isn't.
"I don't know yet. I just don't feel comfortable being affectionate in public."
"Why? Are you worried somebody is going to say something to you, because you know I'll kick their ass, Kurt. You know that."
He does, and he smiles.
"No, it's not even that anymore, I don't think. I just… It seems private, you know? It's our business, and I don't want everyone else getting mixed up in it."
"But what about Brittany? Isn't that what he's mad about?"
"What about her? I wanted my dad to see that. I wanted him to feel like we had something in common, and… we do, but it's definitely not that. Now that it's actually something real… I don't… I want it to be about us, not anyone else."
It's been two hours when Blaine finally decides to text Kurt. He has no idea how to start, so he settles with "Hey."
He feels completely lame, but he knows he'll get a response.
Sure enough, he gets a response two minutes later, but all it says is "Hey." in response. He stares at his phone, unsure what to do, so he gives up and calls. Kurt picks up on the third ring.
"Hi." He waits a minute, to see if Kurt will start, but he doesn't. "Look, about what happened in the car. …I still don't get it."
"I know. I just- kissing Brittany didn't matter, so it didn't matter who saw. Kissing you matters a lot. I can't- I can't share it with anyone because it's not- it's not…" Kurt doesn't know how to finish.
"Kissing you matters to me, but I want people to know. I want them to see, because it matters."
"And that's great, but…"
"But you don't agree," Blaine says. He's not angry or even sad anymore. He's just confused.
"It's not about agreeing. It's just… it's not how I feel. I think I just want to have something that's mine. I… With us… I just want to protect it, because it's worth protecting." Kurt's not crying. Blaine knows he's not crying, because he can hear him breathing, but he knows that Kurt is upset.
"I don't understand how keeping things secret is keeping them safe," Blaine says.
"I don't think I do either," Kurt says with a short laugh that catches a little bit near the end.
And Blaine makes up his mind. He doesn't get it, but he's starting to get something: He's not going to get this. He and Kurt could talk all night, but they'd still be on different pages, and either that was going to be okay or it wasn't, but it wasn't going to change tonight.
"Kurt, I'm getting in my car." Kurt hears him walk through his house, lock the door, put his keys in the ignition. He even hears the sound change when Blaine's Bluetooth takes over the call. They talk for the rest of the drive. Kurt promises to try, but he can't promise anything else. Blaine says it's okay, and it is okay, for right now, at least.
Blaine doesn't hang up until he's parked in Kurt's driveway, until he sees Kurt standing on the phone with his porch. Kurt's walking to his car before he's even parked. Blaine is shutting his car door when suddenly Kurt's arms are around his neck, his nose in the crook of his neck. Blaine just holds him tight against his chest. He strokes his hair and says nothing when he notices it's not been styled. It's a little awkward, because Kurt's taller than him, but neither of them particularly cares.
When he hears Finn's car pulling up, Blaine lets his arms fall. As Kurt pulls away, he kisses Blaine cheek so briefly Blaine's not even sure it happened. If Kurt's eyes are a little red, Blaine doesn't mention it to him.
To Finn's credit, he doesn't say anything, except: "Hey guys."
Kurt smiles and greets his step-brother, and he already looks like nothing happened. Blaine wonders how many times he's looked at Kurt and not known anything was wrong. He hates that Kurt's poker face is this good; he hates knowing that Kurt's needed to build up a façade at this age.
The conversation is over, but Blaine's still thinking about it.
They're in Kurt's room. They watch Golden Girls reruns (because they've both got diverse interests, but they only seem to intersect at half past fabulous) on Kurt's computer. Kurt sits with his back against the wall. Blaine lays his head down on Kurt's chest.
"Kurt?" he asks, voice muffled against Kurt's sweater.
"Hm?" Kurt responds, but he's mostly focused on the screen.
"I'm not mad at you. But I am… worried about you."
"That's silly," Kurt says. He's waiting for an explanation, and once again Blaine doesn't know what to say.
"Why did you date that cheerleader?"
"I told you, my father-"
"Yeah, but did your dad tell you to date a girl? Why would you think that's what he wanted?"
"He… he kept hanging out with Finn. It just seemed like they like the same things, and maybe if I did, too… He's my dad. I'd do anything for him," Kurt says. He knows it's not what Blaine wants to hear. He knows Blaine's just going to tell him that he needs to be himself and all that, but his father is all he really has. He can't lose him, even if it means losing himself sometimes.
"Did you talk to your dad about it?"
"We did later. He… he loves me. He said I'm his son, no matter what, and he loves me."
Blaine's quiet, but he scoots up just enough to rest his cheek on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt's waiting for a response, so he says what he's thinking:
"That must have been hard."
"I guess," Kurt says. He tries not to think about it; things are okay now.
"I know it might seem like it after this afternoon, but you can talk to me about anything. I won't always understand, but I will listen."
Kurt doesn't say anything. His hand finds its way into Blaine's hair. He strokes Blaine's hair until he hears Blaine's breath catch a little bit.
"Blaine?" he whispers, but Blaine's fallen asleep. Kurt kisses his hair, and he's not really watching the Dorothy talk about cheesecake.
Kurt wakes with a jolt to a knock on the door. Blaine shifts against his chest, and he shakes him awake. Blaine's hair is ruffled, and he's blinking a lot, and Kurt suddenly feels very, very lucky.
"Kurt? It's, uh, it's a school night, bud. Shouldn't you guys be saying goodnight?" Burt's talking to the door and Kurt's scrambling to get out of bed so he can talk to his father face to face.
"I'm sorry, dad!" Kurt says as he opens the door. "We were watching TV, and we fell asleep."
"It's okay," Burt says, but he's not quite looking Kurt in the eyes.
Blaine picks up his messenger bag and apologizes to Burt, who shakes his head and tells him it's not a problem. Kurt offers to walk Blaine to his car.
They're standing at the door, and Blaine looks to Kurt with a sleepy half smile. Kurt looks from side to side quickly before kissing Blaine softly.
"I'm sorry I freaked out on you earlier," Blaine whispers. He wraps his arms around Kurt's waist and leans into him a little bit, still warm and cuddly from sleep.
"It's okay. I'm sorry… I'm sorry," Kurt replies. He leans into Blaine, then pulls away.
"It's okay. Call me anytime."
Kurt nods, and Blaine hopes he really will.
It's late when Blaine gets back home, and he's grounded for a week. He goes to bed with a smile, because it's worth it.