...Or 5 Reasons Kaito and Shinichi somehow manage not to kill each other despite all the odds.
(Reason 1) Open Lines of Communication
They were still working out how to properly resolve differences in their relationship. Shinichi thought talking was therapeutic. Kaito thought mind blowing marathon sex was therapeutic. He was still trying to figure out how they could constantly wind up talking so much but not have had any of the aforementioned activity at any point.
"Kaito! Pay attention."
"I a~m. You're just not saying what I want to hear."
"And what would that be?"
"Take me, Kaito. Take me now."
"Owww. See. It certainly got your attention."
"That's not necessarily a good thing."
Kaito begged to differ but opted to eye his boyfriend and weigh the level of bemused annoyance versus actual annoyance.
"…Did it hurt my chances of makeup sex?"
(Reason 2) Equal Intelligence
"The only difference between nothing but trouble and a challenge is how much fun you have. Of course, that only applies if you can keep up."
"Care to try and stop me?"
"Is that a challenge?"
(Reason 3) A Very Healthy Sense of Fea… *cough* Respect
Kaito Kurouba had discovered a new fact. Tasers hurt. A lot. And while he wouldn't call it a discovery, he was both surprised and frightened that his seven year old attacker had not only taken him by surprise but managed to drag Kaito's much larger form into the quiet alley beside the equally quiet street before proceeding to sit on the chest of his still twitching victim. Kaito petulantly thought it was the only chance the detective likely had to loom over anyone anymore.
"I am not impressed," Conan—no Kudou—declared from his perch, glaring imperiously at the prone thief. Kaito glared back and tried not to panic about all the things wrong with Edogawa Conan tasering Kuroba Kaito. Brat. "Do you have any idea how dangerous this is for a child?" He waved the taser that seemed ridiculously oversized in his small hand. "Did you even think at all or is winning that important to you? No matter how mature my mind may be, my body is still a child's. If I'd had any health issues or a weaker constitution, I could have died, you moron!"
Kaito flinched as best he could as the last was shouted in his face and felt the squirm of guilt he'd shoved in the back of his mind after the Kirin's Horn heist compete with his twitching nerves and fear for number one reason he was most miserable right now. Guilt won, but only barely.
"I'm very disappointed," Kudou flatly finished. "And in the light of that disappointment, I decided to do some research and have made a few minor changes to my policy where you are concerned." He crawled off of Kaito and moved out of his line of sight to unzip something, likely his backpack. Kaito waited as his rival came back into his view with… a can of tinned anchovies? If Kaito had had the least control of his bodily functions, he would be screaming right now. This was definitely going to feature prominently in his nightmares in the near future.
As he feared, the lid peeled off and the grim child promptly poured the disgusting contents across his chest and even dropping a few of those things in his hair. Ugh. He could smell it. Kaito freaked in a very involuntarily quiet manner as the tin clattered to the ground next to him. The only thing keeping him even slightly focused was the even more frightening prospect of what else the chibi might have in store for this act of delayed retribution. The taser came to hover inches from his wide eyes, sparking almost as dangerously as the deadly blue eyes wielding it.
"Don't disappoint me again," Kudou nonchalantly warned before walking away, tucking the taser in his cute little backpack, pasting an innocent expression, and leaving the alley. Kaito gulped and nervously wondered how long until he regained the use of his limbs as the sounds of curious, feral cats began to break the quiet along with his slightly hysterical breathing. Oddly enough, as terrifying as the whole situation was he was still painfully aware that he'd been offered another chance to win the detective's trust underneath the harsh words, and he held onto that strange spark of relief.
Hours later, he washed the remaining juices and fish smell in one of the longest, hottest showers of his life and hoped it would wash away the memory of that afternoon or at least that he wouldn't need a stronger shampoo to remove the parasites left behind by the Tokyo wildlife. He didn't think his hopes were coming true anytime soon and scratched his irritated skull. First thing tomorrow he was sending Tantei-kun an apology letter and then finding a way to wipe that expression from the detective's face and inter himself back in Tantei-kun's good graces permanently. Screw his pride. He was never getting anywhere near Tantei-kun's bad side if this was disappointed.
(Reason 4) Fun (Group) Activities
Nakamori flung the door open and stared, his momentum slamming to a halt at the scene. The room froze. Inside the closet, eager hands failed to pause in the slightest as they explored the rumpled, half clothed form of the glaring detective sharing space with them.
"Wha… KI… Uh… Just… come out of the closet with your hands up," Nakamori tried very hard not think on what those hands were currently occupied with.
(Reason 5) Mutual Brand of Insanity
Shinichi considered it just one of the many downsides of his transformation. He'd just begun to cement his reputation as Kudou Shinichi when he was changed to Edogawa Conan. Naturally, as soon as he had trained his coworkers to accept the reliability of his much smaller alias, he was practically back to square one in his true identity thanks to his disappearing act and working his way back to his former status in the eyes of the police. He wouldn't be so annoyed by this circumstance, if it wasn't pushing him dangerously close to breaking the promise he made to Kaito.
Finally, he escaped the crime scene and returned to the bench he'd abandoned his date on in favor of the mysterious death in the diner down the street. He was a little surprised to find him missing but Shinichi assumed he had gotten bored with waiting for him. Kaito wasn't exactly a poster boy for patience. Searching the surrounding stores, Shinichi had just started to worry about possible accomplices and kidnapping when he heard a clear ringing laugh from a bar three more stores down. Sighing in relief and some exasperation, he jogged the last few yards and went in to retrieve his wayward companion and offer his only slightly begrudging apologies.
His plan abruptly derailed as he caught his first sight of the interior of what was obviously a transvestite host club. He really just wished he could be surprised at this point. In all his bewigged, bedecked, bedazzling glory Kaito sat proudly in the middle of the enthralled masses of his new minions, or fans as some might call them.
Kaito cut off in the middle of whatever riveting tale he was sharing with followers to elegantly wave at Shinichi and gleefully pronounce, "Shinichi! They've made me their queen."
"You are truly a terrible tyrant," Shinichi deadpanned and halted in front of the transformed magician. "If you're quite finished, are you ready to get back to our date?"
"Don't be so greedy," one of the more grabby patrons protested. "Kaito-chan can stay if she wants."
Shinichi scowled at the man obviously fondling his boyfriend and let his jacket slide just enough to reveal the handle of his revolver. He smirked in an appropriately threatening manner at the idiot presuming to molest Shinichi's idiot and mocked, "Did you really want to catfight over him?"
Shinichi lost a bit of his intimidation factor as Kaito's quick feet caught in his legs and tripped him into the thief's lap. Kaito grinned at his captive and cheerily ordered, "All hail your king!" before dragging Shinichi into a toe curling lip lock. By the time they came up for air, the challenger among others was passed out on the floor with blood trailing from his nasal cavities and a dazed look imprinted firmly on his face.
It wasn't quite how Shinichi planned to display his alpha male (and most certainly not a grade schooler anymore) qualities but… "I suppose your plan has some merit too."
Merry Christmas. :D
The taser bit was more serious than I intended, but I have enough buried anger at Kaito for it to leave it as it is. And while I can't say I've ever tasered someone or been tasered, I have enough relatives who possess enough alcohol and commercial brand tasers to have seen other people tasered numerous times. My family policy on tasering is 'fair's fair' when there is an incident, so~ Kaito was due by those rules. If anyone wants to take the drabble-y bits of this and make an actual fic, feel free. Goodness knows we always need more KaiShin.
Also, nataeiy1 did a great job beta-ing again. So thanks!