Catastrophe 8

Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to DC or Marvel. I own Farrah/Persiana and Lance/Diablos.

One Shot

Thomas Blake, the brown costumed villain Catman, was coming up with a new scheme to get the woman of his dreams Persiana. It was around the time of the holidays and the feline wannabe had been making a large box. He cackled, as if talking to someone,

"Yes, this will work! I shall conceal myself in this box and mail myself to the Mansion. When my goddess opens it, I shall emerge, and declare my love for her! And then, she will have to make kittens with me!"
He laughed maniacally, as if expecting this plan to work.

Catman looked up at the camera,

"What's the deal with these lines?"

You idiot, you're talking out of character.

Catman groaned,

"You know how this is going to turn out! I emerge from the box and declare my love, and then she attacks me, trying to kill me! Contrary to what you think, I did read the script!"

Catman, I will make a promise right now. Persiana will not be the once that minces you to pieces.

Catman was wide-eyed in surprise and squealed,

"You mean, we will actually make love? Yes!"

He eagerly jumped in the large, gift-wrapped box.

Of course, what he does not realize is that the insane author of this fiction has other plans.

Anyway, the delivery man noticed the large box and scratched his head,

"Titans East Mansion? Oh, well. I'm going to have to call in some help."

He called in a push-cart and hefted the box onto it. Catman, still in the box, was wondering what was going on. He then landed hard on the truck bed floor. The delivery man then said,

"OK, now that grand piano goes in right here."

He managed to move it in and push hard. Well, depending on who you are cheering for, the piano crushed Catman while he was in the box. Catman groaned,

"Owie. This hurts."

It only got worse. As the delivery man brought everything to the post office, Catman's box was put on a conveyor belt. It began moving and seemed to stop on the belt. Catman smirked,

"Well, hopefully, this will be the last of the pain."

It was not, as a giant stamp machine came down hard on the box. Catman screamed, but the machinery made it difficult for anyone to hear. The box was then put on a cargo plane. It was at the bottom, and several large shipments of coconuts fell on top of it. Catman cried out,

"Pain!"

He shook his head,

"No, I have to deal with the pain! My goddess is counting on me!"

The cargo plane took off. Of course, Catman's string of bad luck would continue as the plane hit violent turbulence and rocked the contents of the cargo hold all over the place. Catman's box rolled around like a pinball, hitting other, heavier boxes. Catman screamed in pain as he was bounced around the cargo hold.

It seemed to go on for hours, until the turbulence settled down. Of course, the cargo had gone all to one side of the plane, with Catman's box being at the bottom of several heavier packages, including an anvil, for some strange reason.

Finally landing, the package containing Catman bare almost not shape compared to the state it was in before it was being shipped. Catman thought to himself,

I must be at the mansion by now. I have to know.

What Catman had not realized was that, in the course of the shipping and being loaded into one of the package trucks after his tortuous flight, the truck hit a violent pothole and he rolled out of the truck and into another truck that was heading for the zoo. Inside were a large lion and lioness, and the two big cats were sniffing the package. Catman emerged, shouting,

"Goddess, I am here for you!"

Of course, he was face to face with the lion and his mate. The two cats looked at each other, and then looked at Catman. The feline villain swallowed,

"Uh-oh."

Farrah Willows, the lioness heroine Persiana, was disguised in her human form as she and her boyfriend, Lance Marlo, the hero known as Diablos, were walking in the zoo. Farrah had been close to her boyfriend as she said,

"It was so nice to take me here today. I heard they're supposed to be having a new lion and lioness come in."
Lance kissed his girlfriend's forehead,

"Anything for you, sweetie."

There was a loud scream and Catman came running out of the cave of the zoo exhibit. Of course, the lioness was right behind him, and she tackled him to the ground. Though it was a mauling, people passing by thought it was part of a movie set and began cheering when the lioness was trying to eat Catman.

Farrah and Lance blinked at what they saw. One passerby commented,

"They must be shooting for a new movie soon. I can't wait to see it!"
That was the general consensus. The crowd continued to cheer on the mauling. Farrah shook her head,

"Poor kitty. She should just kill Catman and be done with it."

The lioness' mate got bored and decided to join his mate in the thrashing. Catman screamed,

"PAIN! GODDESS, HELP ME!"

Farrah then looked up,

"Wanna grab a bite?"

The red-eyed hero asked,

"Don't you want to help him first?"

Several loud screams of agony followed. The white-haired woman smirked,

"Naw, he's in good hands. Or, should I saw, paws."

She giggled.

End of Catastrophe 8

Christmas Present to all my fans! What's more festive than some Catman torture!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Catman: HELP ME! PLEASE!