Well, this was the other story I wrote for whitem's contest. As I've said, I seem to have trouble keeping Kim and Shego out of bed, but since this story's really not season appropriate after today (Posting Dec. the 24th,) I figured I'd see if I could complete it within a "t" rating and and send it out as a quick Xmas present. And now, really, I AM getting back to At The Centerfold of the Storm! Ye Holiday Legal Stocking Stuffing Stuff: Kim Possible, Mr. Barkin, Ron Stoppable, Yori, Shego, Monique, Tara, Dr. Drakken, Doctor Betty Director, Wade Load, the Doctors Possible, Mego, The Tweebs, Team Go and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18… except, obviously Wade and the Tweebs.


Eggnogged – A Tale Of The Night Before The Night Before Christmas…

By SHADO Commander


"Hey, you might want to take it a little easier on that eggnog Kimmie-cub, it tastes mellow but Drew slipped something extra in and it really packs quite a punch this year."

'Um, sure dad," Kim smiled innocently, glad she'd made a habit of refilling the same cup so that nobody knew just how many she'd already had. The fact was that she knew exactly how powerful it was… she'd seen both her father and Dr. Lipsky adding their extra 'last minute touches' after all, but that suited her just fine since she had every intention of getting herself wasted. 'What the hell, Possible,' she'd thought when she started, 'You're going to be depressed anyway, so why not blot as much of it out of your memory as you can with an alcoholic haze?'

Okay, it was a stupid thing to do and a stupid reason to be doing it, but she'd TRIED every other way of changing her perspective, of altering her attitude, of putting a 'positive spin on the holidays,' and since all of those psychological mumbo-jumbo tricks had failed miserably she'd come to the conclusion that she had no other choice except to resort to means chemical.

There had been a time when she had looked forward to the Possible family Christmas party as one of the absolute highlights of the year. However, as she'd gotten older, it had become something more to be dreaded than anticipated, especially once it had moved from Christmas eve to the night before as a way of accommodating more guests. That had become necessary because the party itself had become something of a legend in Middleton, and as a result, the Possible household was packed to the gills, despite the record snowstorm that had shut down half the major motorways. For some reason, the roads leading to the Possible residence had all remained open, something that might have had something to do with the Mayor, the Chiefs of Police and the Fire Department AND the commanding officer of the National Guard being among the guests. After all, between Dr. Anne Possible's prominent rank in the medical community and Dr. James Possible's equally prominent position as the Middleton Space Center's (and by default, the nation's,) most respected researcher, the party was already THE party to score an invitation to if you were trying to network, and that was before one added the attraction of the also noteworthy Possible children – the twins, Jim and Tim, already working on their Bachelor's degrees at CalTech and John Hopkins, respectively, had supplanted Justine Flanner as THE pride and darlings of the Middleton Educational System, and then there was Kim. THE Kim Possible. Teen hero, adventurer and world saver (some chose to spell it savior and she REALLY hated that.) Although semi-retired since starting college (after three years she was finishing her own masters at Middleton U,) she was still trotted out by Global Justice and other international agencies as a weapon of last resort on a fairly regular basis, and seemed destined for some kind of career on the international stage whether she wanted it or not.

She was also, Kim thought, going to develop a serious drinking problem if she couldn't get the hell out of here; or at least stay away from the eggnog. Unfortunately, the mysterious concoction her father and Drew Lipsky (formerly Dr. Drakken, ex-villain turned fellow world saver and now a prominent researcher as well) had brewed up from a wealth of arcane substances, most of which contained alcohol, was just about the only thing at the party that could even hold her interest. Her decision to inebriate herself was by no means coincidental with the fact that this was also the first Christmas party at which Kim had been legally able to experience its potent effects, given that her 21st birthday was now just a few months past. Thus far she'd actually avoided any serious encounters with spirits of any sort… she had no real taste for beer and her personal financial state kept anything but the cheapest wine and liquor off the menu… and she'd seen first hand the results of too much indulgence too many times to be tempted.

Until now.

Whatever was in this stuff, it DID pack a mighty wallop under the tasty milk-shakey camouflage, and as she'd stared vacantly around the party sometime earlier, she'd come to the unpleasant realization that she simply no longer gave a damn about trying to look chipper and cheerful, or holding a lengthy conversation, so she had appointed herself the refreshments hostess and camped out behind the eggnog bowl. It was a sound strategic decision, as the buffer zone of the table itself allowed her to limit her direct exposure to anyone who WAS in the holiday mood to exactly how long it took them to work their way down the rows of chips, cookies, snickerdoodles and other items that had been laid out without making her seem too rude. Of course, if there had been a reasonable way to avoid coming to the party altogether, she would have taken it instead, but since, unlike her brothers, she was still living at home, and since there hadn't been an international emergency she could slip away for, sitting behind the snack bar with a glazed smile on her face and drinking yet another eggnog of her own was the most preferable option she'd been able to find to mingling.

"Merry Christmas Possible," Mr. Barkin smiled as he grazed through, receiving his own cup of the miraculous elixir in the process.

"Merry Christmas Mr. Barkin," Kim smiled back using her hostess mask. "Watch out for the eggnog, Dr. Lipsky added something extra and it packs quite a punch."

"Whew! So I see!" Barkin gasped as he took a drink and Kim could see the ripple run down his body as the tiny alcohol molecules were absorbed directly through the lining of his mouth, the mucosae and on down through the esophagus and stomach. Unlike the complex molecules found in carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, alcohol went straight into the bloodstream without any of that time consuming digestive process, and would be completely absorbed by the entire body, including the brain. Of course, on a man Barkin's size it would take quite a bit of the eggnog to have a serious effect on his system.

Kim, on the other hand, at just over 100 pounds, had already had six cups and was working on her seventh. This was a fool's mission she knew, destined to crash and burn, but she'd come into the party knowing it would only depress her. Ever since that odd year when Drakken and Shego had showed up unexpectedly, Kim had felt that her family's Christmas celebrations had been lacking something. Or more specifically, someone.

Misinterpreting her expression, Barkin smiled a little more sincerely and added "Shame Stoppable couldn't make it here."

Kim nodded as if in thanks, though she wondered what her former teacher would think if he knew the real reason for her melancholy. But of course he didn't know. No one did. Except Ron. And the fact that this year would be the first Christmas party that Ron would miss really was just the icing on the cake, with ice being an intentional pun. Ron's flight from Japan hadn't quite made it before the heavy snows had shut down the Middleton airport, so, instead of serving his usual function as Kim's lifeline, he and his fiancé, Yori, were spending the night in a hotel in Go City, where they'd been forced to land instead. And while she'd had a nice talk with him this afternoon via the Kimmunicator, it was obvious that he'd been on the edge of complete exhaustion (he never had learned how to sleep on a plane) and that Yori had wanted him to get fully rested before they attempted the treacherous drive to Middleton tomorrow morning once the snow plows had had time to clear the highways.

No, her issues were a lot more screwed up. It had taken her a long time to figure it out for herself, and to slowly realize that her feelings about… and for… Shego were far more complex than she had ever imagined. Oh, the signs had been all there - the poster in the locker at school that had become a mini-sized version she kept in her wallet, not to mention the screensaver… and then there was her own relationship with Ron, which after a brief attempt by both of them to become something really serious had simply faded back into being friends again. When, after a year and a half of never going past second base, with the total petting content of the last six months consisting of chaste kisses after games of DragonMasterQuest, it had become pretty obvious to both of them that it just wasn't going to happen. Which was fine. Really it was. They were still Best Friends Forever. As for what she was with Shego…

Well, apparently she wasn't much of anything from Shego's point of view. She hadn't seen the woman in nearly a year, hadn't spoken to her in twice that long. And that last time had been so… uncomfortable. As if there'd been something that made just being in the same room start sucking all of the oxygen out of the air. A few more brief words and poof, Shego was gone from her life completely. Kim had later learned she'd moved back to Go City, where she'd been living with her brothers while attempting to build a new life. And Kim had to admit that the choice made perfect sense, given that Go City was one of the few places where the green skinned woman wasn't thought of as just a reformed former villain, but also as a restored hero as well.

As for Kim, she'd just kept going through the motions. Study for college here, saving the world on the side here and there. Long term plans… hell, she didn't know what she was going to do the day after Christmas, let alone with the rest of her life. Things had been so much simpler, back before the Lowardians. Drakken and Shego, or whoever the alternate villain of the week would happen to be, would commit a crime, Wade would call and she and Ron would head out and do the Team Possible thing. No wonder she had thought she was in love with Ron; he'd been the only element in her life that was always present when she actually felt like she was LIVING. Oh, Monique and Tara were good friends… she'd even come to a fairly amicable relationship with Bonnie…but they didn't understand that side of her at all. The adrenaline junkie. The wild girl.

So, without Ron to distract her, the emptiness that had been there for each of the last three years was suddenly more open and gaping than ever, and she was dreadfully aware that she wasn't hiding her feelings about it very well. All of the other guests came up and talked to her in passing, of course, but it was usually fairly brief, while her real friends and family were tending to scurry away lest the black cloud hanging around her should somehow attach itself to them. Oh, her brothers and Wade… he'd actually arrived in person, so his new meds were obviously doing wonders for his agoraphobia… had hung around for a bit longer, but they'd eventually disappeared into the basement lab, and her chats with Ron's parents had been as quick as as the one with Barkin (who, ironically, was now subletting Ron's old room.) Even Monique had eventually given up, and Kim didn't blame her… she knew that she was being a total wet blanket, but at least thanks to the rather remarkable eggnog... she was nearly done with the seventh... she was well on her way to nice reality-dampening buzz.

And then there was a knock at the front door and Kim saw her mother going to let someone in. That was odd, given that all of the invited guests, save Ron and Yori, had been here for some time, and Kim looked up expectantly, wondering if she was going to have to deal with uninvited party crashers… yes, she'd been the party bouncer for five years now… or if maybe, just maybe, magical monkey powers had somehow managed to get her best friend to Middleton in the middle of one of the worst blizzards ever.

But it wasn't Ron.

It was someone else Kim thought was in Go city.

"Shego?" Kim gasped, and found that she had somehow teleported across the room to embrace the green woman.

"K…Kimmie?" Shego gaped, the awkwardly returned the hug. "I uh… uh…"

"We found her blitzed at the Team Go Christmas party," Ron grinned from the doorway, a smiling Yori right behind him. "Turns out that she's been just a big a party pooper at Mego's house as you've been here, so they told her to get her green ass down here and damned if she didn't make the best snow melter I've ever seen!"

"Uh.. um…" Kim babbled, looking up into the green eyes that had always entranced her and discovering that all capability of rational thought had suddenly escaped her. "You, uh…"

"Yeah, uh, yeah," Shego gulped, looking equally pole axed. "They said, um…"

"Merry Christmas Kim," Ron grinned in passing, "Hope this makes up for that lousy book I got you last year. Hey Mr. Dr. P! I'm legal now, how 'bout some of that famous 'nog?"

"Here you go, Ron!" Kim's father smiled, planting cups in Ron and Yori's hands, then offered Shego a cup of the 'nog as well. "Nice that you could make it this year, Miss Go. Be careful though, it packs an unexpected punch."

"Uh… thanks. I know she does." Shego deadpanned, then realized what he'd given her. "Oh, you mean the eggnog."

"Do I?" James grinned, and it was about at that point that Kim realized that every eye in the room was on the two of them. Was it perhaps because her arms were STILL wrapped around Shego?

"Aah…" Kim spoke cleverly. "Would you, uh…?"

"Yeah, um…" Shego's eyes shifted around. "Is there someplace we could…?"

"Talk?" Kim wondered, then motioned with her eyes to the stairs, where her room still was. "Yeah."

And they'd talked. It had been slow and painful at first, but once they got the 'I missed yous' out of the way, the talk wouldn't stop. They talked about what they'd been doing, and then what they hadn't been doing, but when it got to what they WISHED they were doing, the talk was suddenly cut short. Not because they didn't have more to say, but because their mouths had suddenly become occupied with something else. Kim had been watching Shego's lips move with increasingly greater attention and suddenly, in mid-sentence, found herself leaning up and in and…

God, Kim couldn't believe it! She was kissing Shego! And Shego was kissing her back! And it wasn't a timid 'Oh, you're kissing me, so I guess I have to kiss you,' kind of kiss, it was a serious "I want you so bad my bones ache" kind of kiss, which was good, since that's how Kim was kissing Shego.

Holy crap. Well, at least the question that had always hung in the back of her mind had been answered. She'd pretty much come to the conclusion that she had to be gay, and apparently Shego was too.

And, then… things had gone on in that general direction for a while, and some other questions were answered too. Like what Shego looked like naked, and how two women made love and…

Which was, of course, partially why Kim was still in such shock. Not that it was a BAD kind of shock, far from it but…

She was lying in her bed, next to Shego, both totally nude and stuck together where in the places where the sweat on their pressed together flesh had dried.

And she was happier than she'd ever been in her life. But…

Well, THIS aftermath was a little unexpected. Not her and Shego, not really, but…

There, at the foot of the bed, in one of the Tweeb's sleeping bags, were Monique, Tara AND Bonnie. All just as naked and as entwined as Kim and Shego were.

And against the far wall, in the Tweeb's OTHER sleeping bag, Mr. Barkin and Dr. Drakken were bundled up together. They were both naked as well, and eyeing each other with round, stunned eyes.

And then the door opened and her barely clad father, mother and Dr. Betty Director all sheepishly stepped in.

"Yeah, there are naked people all over the house," Mr. Dr. P admitted, then fixed his eyes on a certain former villain. "Drew? What the HELL did you put in that eggnog?"