Hi. This story is nothing like On My Own or any of the other stuff I've written. Sam, who betas On My Own, and I wrote this together. It is a joint effort, although posted on my account. It was written as part of the Blues and Two's competition, so I believe you all have to vote for it from 26th December.

This story is NOT full of Christmas Cheer. Just sayin'. RaeCullen betaed for us (thank you so much Rae – you are a superstar) and I think we crushed her spirit. It is rated M for all the reasons that stories are rated M. If you are under 18, this is not a story for you.

DISCLAIMER: All Twilight character names belong to Stephanie Meyer. All plot, details, and words belong to me. ©2010 LittleClareStar. All rights reserved worldwide.


My fifth wedding anniversary. Five years to the day of being Mrs. Edward Cullen.

I ended up staying later than planned at school. Seth Clearwater tripped over his shoelaces on the way out of the classroom, and for a six year old, that's a major event. He lay on the ground sobbing, having skinned both his knees on the blacktop, and then hid his face behind his t-shirt so he didn't have to see the blood that was beginning to run down his legs. I picked him up and carried him back into the safety of the classroom, finding the first aid kit and calming him, gently dabbing at his wounds. Seth was tough, and never once complained as I tended to him. After his tears had dried, and Toy Story band aides covered the worst of his scrapes, I led him out of the classroom to the street, where his mother was waiting and his sister was complaining about waiting.

I myself had plans, a romantic rendezvous with my husband. We were heading back to the scene of the crime, where we had our first date, where we first fell in love. He never missed a chance to show me how much he loved me. I'd often find flowers waiting for me when I returned home from work; or a box of chocolates if he knew I'd had a tough day. He always put me first, thought of me above all else. I really couldn't ask for more in a husband.

In the six years we've been together, Bella Italia had grown more popular and more crowded, but Edward still managed to get us the best table in the house. We were separated from the rest of the diners in our own private corner, at a table decorated especially for me. Two small candles burned near the center of the table with a vase of sweet smelling, white and purple freesias set just to the side. He had put so much thought into making this night special.

In the same uniform she'd worn every time I'd been in the restaurant, our waitress approached the table. Tonight though, she seemed to have a couple less buttons done up on her top. As she leaned in towards Edward to take our order, her ample cleavage was left exposed, trying to find its way into Edward's gaze. He ignored her.

"Excuse me. Can you give us a minute?" I growled at the waitress, causing her to notice me for the first time. With a look of surprise and a show of great effort, the waitress turned around and walked away; swaying her hips as she went, with the hope Edward would be watching.

Edward never took his eyes off me as he reached across the table to hold my hands. "What would you like to eat tonight, darling?"

I had already decided to have the Bella Panzarella, as I was feeling an inexplicable craving for lemons, but made a show of looking over the menu anyway.

"I'm sick of the mushroom ravioli; get me the Bella Panzarella tonight."

The drive home through Olympic National Park was beautiful as always. Soft shadows began to descend over the forest and the last glimmer of the day's light reflected off the lake as we made our way back home. Warmed from the glass of white wine I'd had with dinner and the knowledge that we'd only have an hour and a half together at home before Edward had to leave for work, I reached over and began to massage his leg.

My hand worked slowly, rubbing and kneading until my fingers found his stiffening cock. He started breathing faster. I felt his cock twitch as I tightened my grip and continued to work my hand up and down the lengthening shaft. The harder I felt him get, the faster the car seemed to go. In stark contrast to his normal concern for safety, him being a paramedic, we made the drive home from Port Angeles in forty five minutes, as opposed to the hour it took us to get to the restaurant.

As we rushed from our Volvo into the house, I excused myself to the bathroom for just a moment to freshen up. Pulling the door closed behind me, I peeled my clothes off and made sure my garters were straight and my breasts pushed up perfectly in the blue bra.

My phone buzzed as I made some minor adjustments. The text that appeared made me shudder.

I'm waiting for you. Are you ready to feel me inside you?

He always sent me messages to get me hot, to get me wet. It was more than salacious enough to get me aroused. I couldn't expect more from a perfect lover. My whole body flushed as I imagined what was to come. Nipples hard. Lips swollen. Cheeks crimson red. I threw open the door and stood in the doorway, allowing Edward to take me in. He stood up from the bed, already naked and stepped toward me, kissing me. I wrapped my arms around him as he pressed into me; he was soft and passionate as always. His tongue flicked out to play with mine, but gently, never too deeply.

With our lips still touching and my arms around his neck, Edward lifted me up from the ground. My legs wrapped around his body as he carried me to the bed and lay me down, pulling him in tightly. Edward ran a hand through my hair as he began to nibble at my neck, moist kisses that continued down toward my shoulder. His left hand started to explore my body, gently caressing my stomach, then one of my exquisite breasts, his long fingers roaming freely.

His kisses ran the length of my arm, taking time to care for each spot along the way, all the way out to my finger-tips. He always took the time to make sure my whole body was cared for, and as his kisses began to concentrate on my breasts, I felt my bra strap unfasten as he set about removing it from my body.

His tongue circled around my nipples causing them to become erect. My skin was taut as he reached down and pulled my panties past my toes, dragging his fingertips back up my legs until they entered me, caressing my insides. I felt him shift, pushing his legs between mine and leaned down to whisper, "I love you."

Then, slowly and purposefully removing his fingers, an act that left me feeling momentarily bereft, he looked into my eyes and pushed his cock inside me, groaning with pleasure as he rhythmically began to make love to me. With each thrust his breathing quickened, his cock hardening even more inside me. His kisses became more passionate, adding pressure to his lips against mine. I could feel a light sweat beading on his skin from the effort, his flesh hot against mine.

I held him tightly as I felt his pace become less even, but more insistent. He continued to push until I could feel him begin to orgasm inside me. I arched my back, closing my eyes tightly and let a moan escape from my lips as he did, showing that I felt as much pleasure as he did. His body collapsed onto mine, his energy expended. As we lay side by side, he lavished kisses onto my neck. We lay there for ten more minutes, our bodies awkwardly entwined, before he stood from the bed, giving me one more kiss and whispering again, "I love you."

I watched him as he prepared for work; washing up in the bathroom before changing into his stiffly starched paramedic uniform. He laced up his boots and grabbed his bag, heading for the door where I was now waiting, still naked. Once again, he spoke softly, "I love you." I gave him a peck on the cheek and watched him walk away.

As soon as he left I went to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine. A nice red seemed to be what the occasion called for. Carrying the glass into our bathroom, I started the shower, making sure it was hot enough. The water felt so good as I cleaned myself, taking special care to wash between my thighs. I used the scented soaps that always made me feel so sensual. Through the curtain, I grabbed my glass of wine, taking another sip, relishing the luxury of it all. Pure bliss.

As I stepped back into the bedroom, I set my wine down on my dresser, opening the top drawer that held my lingerie. My black lace thong seemed to be perfect for the occasion, along with the matching bra. The bra was sheer, allowing my nipples to be seen straight through. Thigh high stockings served to make me look even sexier, with lace designs near the tops, which clung to my creamy thighs. I chose a pair of black, sexy and appropriately high heels to complete my outfit. Feeling hotter than I've felt in years, I grabbed my phone and sent a text,

"I'm ready:)"

And I was…


Leaving the reservation in the patrol car always caused the guys I'd grown up with to give me a hard time. They still hadn't gotten over the fact that I'd become a cop. They said it was because her father was a cop; that I'd done the training and taken the job so that she would be impressed. It had taken ten years, but she had finally come to her senses, she had finally taken notice of me. Now she was mine and would be only mine.

As my time with her drew nearer, I got an all units call out to an accident on the 101. I took my time getting there, knowing that if I was last on the scene I could probably disappear first. Sure enough, another patrol car was there already. The police chief Charlie Swan, her father, and his deputy, Sam Uley, were taking charge, trying to calm the shaken victims down while they waited for the paramedics, and if necessary, the aircraft from Airlift Northwest. Whatever the case, I wouldn't be needed.

My phone beeped. I leaned into my patrol car to read the message.

I'm ready.

I turned around quickly to check if anyone had noticed my arrival, and bumped shoulders with Cullen, his stupid hair, perfectly pressed EMT uniform and holier than thou attitude rushing to the scene of the accident, ready to save the day. The asshole didn't even stop to acknowledge me.

After checking to make sure no one was watching me, I slipped back into the car and headed for my next destination, my dick hardening rapidly at the thought of what lay ahead.

I parked behind the house; there was no sense in drawing unnecessary attention to myself. I pushed the back door and it swung open, walking into the kitchen and locking the door behind me. A glass of red wine was waiting for me on the counter next to an already half empty bottle. I shook my head; she knew I never drank while on duty.

I could hear soft music coming from the bedroom. As I undid my holster and placed it next to the bottle, my breathing accelerated in anticipation of what was waiting. I walked towards the soft sounds coming from down the hall, the echoes of my feet on the wooden floor drowning out every other noise.

I eased the door open with my shoulder, and took in the magnificent sight splayed out across the bed before me.

Bella sat up, slowly, her hair tumbling down to cover her black bra and supple tits. She looked fucking hot as she peered up at me, her eyes wide and dark, her expression a combination of lust and innocence. She slowly moved her legs so she was kneeling, with her heels on either side of her butt.

"What kept you, Jake? I've been waiting." She licked her lips and then leaned over the nightstand, propping herself up with one hand while the other reached for a glass. She took a slow, thoughtful sip of her wine, her eyes on me the whole time, her tits swinging very slightly, her ass now in the air.

I walked very slowly towards the rumpled bed, not letting go of her gaze for a second. Savoring the moment, enjoying the sensation of her obvious adoration as I approached, I knelt momentarily on the bed, my dick trying to escape the tight confines of my work pants as it came within a breath of Bella's mouth. She reached towards my zipper, but I stopped her hand and held it tightly between us. She seemed to wince, but I knew it was an act; she liked anything and everything I did to her. I deliberately moved the hair from in front of her ear and leaned forward, whispering,

"Just wait, Bels, just wait."

She whimpered, fucking whimpered, and then pouted. I released her hand which was satisfyingly red, and slid backwards off the bed.

"Are you ready for me, Bella?" I asked, my voice still a whisper, as I walked to around the other side of the bed, undoing my pants as I went, each movement purposeful, each step a part of my plan. She moved to follow me.

"Don't move."

Good girl. She stayed still, returning to the position she'd been in a moment before, and placed her wine glass back on the nightstand. I unbuttoned my uniform's shirt and took it off along with the undershirt, before trampling down my dark pants, letting my dick fall free of its confines. Kneeling behind her, I slapped each round and firm butt cheek, reveling in the handprints remaining after each strike. She whimpered again.

"Shh now, Bels." I rubbed her butt, relishing the feel of the soft skin. I slid her thong from around her perfect body, pulling it down to her knees, opening her up to me. I rubbed at her back with one hand, from her butt to her bra strap and back again, the second time undoing the clasp, allowing her breasts to swing freely. I moved a little further forward, my dick resting along the crack, while I grabbed at her tits, massaging them, pinching her already hard nipples, and moving my whole body backwards and forwards just a little bit, as I enjoyed the feeling of my dick against her ass.

I could smell her, the scent of Bella's love and lust. The room was soaked in Bella's personal perfume. I dragged my nails along her perfect back as she groaned and stretched back towards me. My two forefingers ran down her butt, along each side of my granite like cock, and along her dripping lips. She gasped and sighed and moaned, all at the same time.

"Jake. Fuck me." I slid a finger in and then out again, then two, then three. I pinched her clit with my other hand, enjoying the sensation of her squirming beneath me.

"Do you deserve me, Bella? Should I fuck you? Do you deserve my dick inside you? Do you deserve to cum?" I continued to fuck her with my fingers, to pull and nip at her clit. Her breathing was becoming faster and more ragged as I took her to the point she wanted to reach.

"For fucks sake, Jacob…" I pulled my fingers out and lifted her ass a bit higher into the air, and then entered her with one sharp movement, trying hard not to cum too quickly as I found myself in my favorite place in the world; deep, deep inside Bella Swan.

She pushed towards me and I pushed back, slapping one cheek and holding onto the other, getting the speed I wanted, finding the friction that would allow me to cum, as soon as I let go, as soon as I felt ready. I knew that I could make her explode around me on command.

I was getting closer and closer, my brain was spinning, my mind blank. I pulled out and pushed her flat against the bed, and then flipped her over, each movement fluid in its execution. I stayed kneeling and pulled her feet up onto my shoulders and plunged back in.

Our eyes met, and with two more huge thrusts I came. And she came. We were hot and dripping with sweat as we pumped away as if our lives depended on it. My head was exploding, my cock was pulsing. She was kneading her own breasts, meeting each thrust of mine with her own as she slammed her ass back against me. Her whole body vibrated along with mine as we rode out the passion that had overtaken us.

As we came to a halt, she looked into my eyes again.

"Jacob. Kiss me."

I removed her legs from my shoulders and slid down to lie next to her, and kissed her gently on the forehead and then on each closed eyelid. Girls like that romantic shit. She smiled to herself and cuddled into my chest, muttering to herself.

"Bella?" I pulled her close, reveling in the pleasure I had just given her. "I love you, sweetheart." She stiffened slightly in my arms. "When are you going to leave Cullen?"

She sat bolt up right, brushing the hair away from her face, and covering her body with the sheet. "Jake, we go through this every time. I'm not leaving him, not now, not ever. I don't want to leave him."

I could feel it rising up from my toes; the pain and anger, the disappointment and the disbelief.

"Then why the fuck do we do this, Bella? Why do we fuck like rabbits at every opportunity? Why do I do everything I can to be with you, if you don't fucking want me?"

She was backing away, moving her perfect body away from mine. I moved to grab her arm, to keep her near me, but she flinched, before swatting it away. I grabbed it with my other hand.

"Don't. Fucking. Do. That. Again," I said in a steady but ominous voice.

Rage was starting to consume me, tearing at my head. She was rejecting me. She was telling me that I couldn't have her, but she was mine. Everything I did, I did so we could be together. I thought that was the plan. My house on the reservation was waiting for her; my life was ready to be hers. Why wouldn't she just leave him? She didn't love him, she loved me.

"Jake," she said gently, "I'm not leaving him. This is just fun. You know I love you, but it's him that I want to be with. That's just the way it is."

Everything around me went red as my anger boiled over. I raised my hand and with all my might, slapped her across the face. Her head swung away and her hand flicked out, knocking the wine off the nightstand, the glass shattering as it hit the floor.

"You stupid, fucking, bitch! What if I stand on that while I'm leaving? How I will go back to work if I have glass in my foot?"

Blood was trickling down from her mouth, "Jacob, please, calm down…" She was screaming at me, telling me what to do. Where the fuck did she get off telling me what to fucking do?

I hit her again, and again, now aiming for her stomach so she wouldn't bleed on me. I hit her again, each blow more forceful. She struggled, but she had to learn. If she'd just leave him we could be together; we were perfect for each other. I pushed against her chest and neck to stop her from moving, from wriggling, from fighting me.

She fought back for a moment.

Then she stopped wriggling. Her eyes rolled back up into her head.

She stopped breathing.

I glanced over at the alarm clock next to her bed and knew I had to get back to work. I found my clothes and got dressed, avoiding the wine and glass, and after washing my hands in the kitchen sink, walked back out to the car.

I got into the patrol car and pulled out from the backyard, hearing my radio come to life.

A 911 call had come in…

For this address.


My police cruiser wouldn't go any faster. As soon as the call came in, I'd hit the gas, racing toward my daughter, my life. I never imagined I'd get an emergency call for her house, my own sweet child's house. What could have happened, what was wrong? So many horrible thoughts were racing through my mind. The message from dispatch had done little to explain. A neighbor had reported hearing repeated screams coming from the residence, but nothing else.

I'd just seen Edward at an accident scene on the 101, he was there, not at home with Bella. Bella was there alone, by herself; and she was screaming. Two more minutes and I'd be there to protect her, to calm her and tell her everything would be alright. Of course I was probably overreacting, panicking for no reason. Mrs. Cope was always peeking through her curtains, looking for something to be wrong, something to tell the neighbors about. She was the worst gossip in Forks.

I screeched to a halt directly in front of her house, no lights were visible from the front, but given the hour, that was to be expected. Jake pulled up in his patrol car as Sam and I jumped out of ours.

"Sam, go talk to Shelley Cope; find out why the hell she called, if she has anything more to tell us. Jake, ring the front bell, I'm going around back."

I raced around to the back door, and noticed immediately that the kitchen lights were on. The door itself was closed, but when I twisted the handle, it was unlocked. I pushed the door open with one hand, the other resting on my gun as I quickly scanned the room. Nothing unusual. Aside from a glass of wine sitting on the counter, next to a half empty bottle, the room was empty. There was no sign of foul play.


No answer.

I crossed the house and unlocked the front door, letting Jacob into the silent house. Turning back toward the hallway, I noticed a light on in Bella's room.

"Bella…Where are you Bella?"

Fear began taking over as I moved quickly toward her bedroom; a deep, paralyzing, penetrating fear. A siren blared in the front yard, its grating sound adding to my anxiety. With Jake right behind me, I shouldered the door so it was completely open. Sadness overwhelmed me, tears streamed from my eyes. I knelt down next to the bed, taking Bella's lifeless head into my arms. Blood, blood that had yet to dry, stained my shirt as I pulled my child close. My world began to blur and the sounds coming from behind me were muted and distant.

"Charlie, Chief, I don't think you should touch her, Chief. Wait for forensics to arrive."

Jacob's words were further blurred from his own tears.

My darling daughter was dead.


This wasn't possible; this can't have happened.


I pushed that sneaky fuck Jacob out of my way as I burst into my bedroom. My Bella. Bella was cradled in her father's arms, obviously dead. Her perfect body was limp, lifeless. I fell to my knees, unable to think, unable to function.

My Bella was dead.

It was our anniversary; we had spent the evening together, a wonderful evening. We had made love just hours before. How had this happened? Why was she gone?

"Charlie…Charlie…Listen to me, Charlie."

Sam's voice was a distant echo as I stared at Bella through my drowning eyes. It took me time to process what he was saying. None of this could be real.

His voice stayed steady as he spoke, "Charlie, the neighbor only heard screams; just screams. But Charlie, she claims she saw something. She says she saw a police car pulling around from the back of the house, after she had called 911."

From behind my left shoulder, I could sense movement. Glancing back, I watched as Jacob carefully backed out of the room, turning as he reached the hall and walking toward the front door.

Anger surged through my body, deadening the pain I felt. Hate flowed through my body; Jacob knew more about this than he should. Jacob killed her.


I suddenly felt as if I were watching a movie, as if this tragedy was happening to someone else. I was but a spectator watching from above. My body rose, seemingly on its own, fueled by the desire for revenge. Fury carried me towards the bastard who'd taken my only love. I tackled him to the lawn, keeping him from escaping. He rolled away from me, standing back up, but I made sure to keep between him and his car.

"Why did you do it? How could you take her from me?" I yelled as I moved to grab hold of him.

Jacob circled away from me; his voice was strangely clear and calm. "What are you talking about Edward? I didn't do anything."

His lies only angered me more. "Then what was your car doing here when the call came in? Why did you just try to run? You'll pay for this; I'll kill you, you evil fuck."

"Get yourself together Edward, you're talking crazy. We'll talk about this after you've had time to calm down."

I would not be placated by his deceit or trickery. An instant later my fist slammed into his face, sending him crashing to the ground. I lunged after him but he scrambled back to his feet before I could pin him down. I'd have to hit him harder next time.

Blood trickled from the corner of Jacob's mouth as we circled each other. His arms were now raised, ready to fight back. He slipped my next punch and delivered a blow to my stomach, but couldn't avoid the left hook that swiftly followed my first punch. Jacob was staggered by the impact, but managed to throw a kick that struck me just above the knee, causing me to lose my balance and plunge to the ground. He dove at me, throwing a looping right hand that cracked my skull against the lawn. I was shaken, but not out.

Jacob looked down on me as he readied to hit me again, "Bella should have been mine, Cullen. She should have been mine. I was there to satisfy her when you wouldn't; I was the only one man enough to be with her. You didn't deserve her, Cullen." He dropped another right onto my jaw, hard enough for it to break. Blood poured from my mouth. "She had to die, Cullen. She was too stupid to live; she wouldn't fucking leave you. She was nothing but a stupid bitch on heat."

I exploded off the grass, flipping Jacob over onto his back and came to rest, sitting on his stomach. One punch followed another as I destroyed his face. I'd rendered him defenseless but couldn't stop myself. His nose broke; he was bleeding from his right ear. One eye was swelling rapidly. With the last right, I could feel his face fracture just below eye. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. What was I doing?

I couldn't kill him, it wasn't right. My job was to save lives, not end them. I stood, backing away from his bloody body, still dazed from the horror of the night. My emotions began to catch up with me. My body trembled; tears streamed down my face. I couldn't believe Bella was dead.

I was only dimly aware that Jacob was beginning to stand, wobbling from side to side as he came up on one leg, then the other. His face was a bloody mess.

"You're so pathetic, Cullen. Can't even bring yourself to finish the job, you fuckin' pussy. I killed your wife and you're just standing there like a limp dicked bitch. Bella deserved a real man, perhaps that's why she was fucking me. You know she craved my cock, you know she did, don't you Edward. You couldn't satisfy her with tiny little dick. You…"

Over Jacob's left shoulder, I watched as Charlie emerged from the house with his gun drawn. Wasting no time, he fired, hitting Jacob in the back of the head. Jacob crumpled, folding as he fell backwards. Charlie walked calmly until he was standing over Jacob, before emptying his clip into Jacob's chest. The bullets tore him to pieces, splattering viscera all over the lawn. Jacob's badge fell to the ground covered in blood.

Sam appeared behind Charlie, putting a hand on his shoulder. He said something quietly, eliciting the faintest of nods, and led Charlie to his patrol car.

My still unrelenting love led me back to Bella. Although lifeless, she was beautiful. Her hair was still radiant, still smelling of strawberries. Her fingers still marked with crayon from the children she loved to teach. Only her eyes were different, the light had left her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes.

My love.

I pulled her back up onto our bed and climbed in, lying down next to her, pulling her close. I tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm here my love. I'll protect you."

Please review. Thank you.

Oh - and Merry Christmas.