A/N: This is not a really a happy Bella and Edward story so I am sorry about that…please let me know what you think just bear in mind this is my first fan-fic.

Disclaimer: I own a treadmill that I don't use Twilight and all of its wonders belongs to Stephanie Meyers

Things were tough in the Cullen/Swan house hold the past few months; okay maybe tough isn't the right word maybe miserable is more accurate. No matter what they tried to do Bella and Edward couldn't find time to themselves and when they did manage time alone all they seem do to was argue, it didn't help that they were working opposite shifts at the hospital. They knew moving in together was going to be tough but they battled through worse together they figured that starting their residency for the hospital while living together would make it better….boy were they wrong.

Bella Swan and Edward Cullen met at Wayne State University where they were both starting there first year of medical school. Bella was sitting in the library with her two best friends Alice and Jasper who happened to be completely in love with each other. Edward was sitting across the room with his sister Rosalie and her main man Emmett. Now not all of them were in medical school together let's be realistic, Alice was in med school with Bella so they had a few classes together leaving them to study together, Jasper always tagged along he was there getting his master in social work. Emmett was working as a paramedic and came by often to bug Edward and Rosalie; who was just starting the University for Nursing School. The love for medicine ran in the Cullen's blood. When they locked eyes from across the room his green resting on her dark brown, the rest was history, they were inseparable from then on. It was hard sometimes trying to balance a relationship and their school work but they always seemed to make it work.

They watched together as Rosalie finished nursing school and married Emmett in a small church wedding, they watched Jasper graduate and then marry Alice in a large church wedding. Always together but never taking the plunge themselves. They touched on living together but never made it official, when it came time for them to start their residency and they knew they were going to be working a ridiculous amount of hours they decided that it would be for the best to live together so they would be able to see each other more often. That was great in theory but now that they were living together they were starting to realize things about each other that they couldn't stand add in sleepless nights due to being on call and you get a miserable household.

That leads us to now…October 15th it was a Tuesday just another day except it wasn't, it was a rare day were Edward and Bella both had day the day off plus it was their 5 year anniversary. Edward had been thinking of this day for months. After watching all of his friends and family getting married and living happy he decided it was his turn. Despite the fact that he and Bella had been doing a lot of fighting he was going to ask her to be his wife. He had never known love like Bella's, everything about her drew him in the way her thick brown hair would bounce in her ponytail while she was rushing to get ready in the morning. That even after so many years of being friends she would blush whenever Emmett said something the least bit inappropriate which with Emmett was the majority of the time.

He had everything planned out, since Bella didn't like grand gestures or being the center of attention he would make a quiet dinner at home and ask her during their meal, he even had the perfect ring. For Edward Cullen his future started tonight and he planned on it starting with Bella agreeing to be his wife.

Bella was across town finishing a good work out at the local gym with her two best friends Rose and Alice. She found she can handle the stress of being home with Edward if she beat up a punching bag in kick boxing first. After she showered and dressed back in her clothes she headed home, the truth though was Bella didn't really want to go home. Things between her and Edward had almost unbearable and she had so much other stuff going on she couldn't handle another argument and the thing was she knew tonight was going to be a fight because in the envelope on the passenger seat of her car was the acceptance letter to work in one of the best neurosurgeon residency in the country the problem was it was in Scottsdale, Arizona which was about 1,600 miles away. She loved Edward really ever since the first day she saw him with his crazy bronze hair beautiful face and his amazing lips, but Bella had to think of her future and that started with moving to Arizona.

When Bella arrived home at about 6 in the evening Edward had dinner waiting for her, she didn't forget that today was the anniversary it just slipped her mind for a second maybe she would put off telling him about Arizona, just for tonight.

They both at their dinner in relative silence both thinking about the right way to approach their respected decisions. Edward always being the brave one decided it was now or never. He looked at Bella from across their small dining room table and she was chewing on her bottom lip like she always did when she was deep in thought, he let the observation pass and grabbed her hands. She looked him in the eyes and knew something big was coming Edward's eyes always gave so much away.

"Bella I have loved you for 5 years now and it has been the best five years of my life everything about you was made for me and I thank God everyday for how lucky I am to have you and how happy I am. Will you do me the honor of loving you forever and being my wife?" He pulled the ring out his pocket and sat it on the table in front of her.

Bella sat there for a while thinking about this decision it was a crossword, but she refused to turn into her mother no matter how much she loved Edward so she made the decision that would break Edwards heart as well as her own. She looked him in the eyes and went to touch his cheek and he leaned into her touch.

She put him out like the burning end of a midnight cigarette

"Edward, I can't marry you and I am moving to Arizona next week, I will stay with Alice until then." And she walked out, no explanation after that just left him sitting there dumbstruck.

Alice was pissed at Bella for her choice but said nothing it was Bella's life and if she wanted to screw it up then that was her decision. True to her word she stayed with Alice until she had to leave for Scottsdale and Edward never saw her again.

We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time but he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind

The first couple of weeks she was gone everyone noticed the change in his behavior he was missing shifts at the hospital which had never happened before, he wouldn't leave the apartment and the worst of all was Edward was drunk all the time. That is not an exaggeration when he would wake up he would finish off whatever was in the bottle from the night before until he could go buy more. His friends watched him slipping away unable to do anything but watch, they tired an intervention and that didn't work, they thought maybe after he got kicked out of the residency program that would make him get his act together but it never did, he just worse, Alice even tired to get Bella involved.

That too was an epic fail.

Bella was miserable in Scottsdale she missed her friends she missed her co-workers she even missed her mean sweaty clinical advisor, worst of all she missed Edward. Alice had called after a couple of months to tell Bella what was going on at home with Edward but Bella refused to go back. She even listened to Rosalie yell at her and tell her what a horrible person she was for doing this to the man, who loved her above anything else, she still refused to go home. She didn't deserve him anymore he needed to move on and be happy he didn't need Bella and all her issues anymore, so like the stubborn mule she was she stayed where she was, which wasn't where she was needed.

Until the night he put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger and finally drank away her memory

Edward had, had enough he couldn't take the pain anymore, life without Bella just wasn't worth having especially the way he had become he had been kicked out of his medical program his bills were adding up and he could see the disappointment in his sister eyes whenever he did decided to see people, who knew what he had to do he just hoped that they would forgive her. It was October 15th a Wednesday.

Emmett was having a crazy night at work being a paramedic in a major city he always was getting called to crazy jobs. This night was no different a neighbor heard a gun shot and called the police. The police thought they could still feel a pulse on the gun shot victim which appeared to be a suicide so the called for an ambulance, it didn't even sink in with Emmett that the address they were heading for was his brother in law until the reached it.

We found him with his face down in the pillow with a note that said I'll love her till I die

Emmett was a mess when he realized what was happening when he walked in he saw Edward on the bed covered in his own blood and Emmett didn't have to check his pulse too know that there was no more heart beat. He gathered up what strength he had to walk up to Edward where he found the note…I'll love her till I die. Emmett ran out of the house to throw up then went home to break his wife's heart and help her plan a funeral.

And when we buried him beneath the willow the angels sang a whiskey lullaby

Since Edward and Rosalie had no family left his funeral was small only a few close friends, his ashes where spread right where he would have wanted them underneath a willow tree in the meadow him and Bella had so many precious memories. Bella was there of course though she knew she wasn't wanted, so she stayed back and watched her closest friends spread the ashes of the only man she ever loved.

She went back to what was there home to see what she could do with it. Alice knew she was in town of course because really Alice knew everything and she was the one who told her of the death, Jasper convinced her to stay a way for a while Bella was going to have a lot to cope with and she wasn't going to need Alice and Rosalie jumping down her throat.

Bella stayed locked in the house for two weeks before she finally decided to venture the world. She decided the first stop she should make was to Alice, the visit went better than she thought but she could tell that Jasper and Alice would never fully forgive her for being so selfish. The truth was she would probably never forgive her self for what she had done. The next place she went was Emmett and Rosalie's she got the response she expected a slap to the face and the door shut in her face. She could barely see the road through the tears that were streaming down her face.

She went to visit the willow tree before going back to the shell of a home she had left. She sat with Edward for a while thinking of all that had happened in the past year she made the biggest mistake of her life choosing her career over her true love, she was trying so hard to not be her mother she turned into her anyway miserable.

The rumors flew but no body knew how much she blamed herself

Bella left medical school and started working as a waitress part time just to pay the bills, other than the job she didn't leave her apartment. For months she went on like this barely surviving; getting by just enough Alice didn't give her to hard of a time but everyone could see what was happening to Bella it was just like with Edward, life got to hard with out him she was giving up but no one really knew how much she was giving up or really how much she was blaming her self for what happened. They would find out soon though.

She tired to hide the whiskey on her breath she finally drank her pain away a little at a time

Time went by fast for Bella the alcohol was the reason for that she would work then come home and drink. She quit trying to keep track of the days and just let things slip. Alice knew it was getting close to that day so she made sure to make plans with Bella to go out for dinner and a movie hoping to get her mind of what day it was hoping that she had drank enough over the past year to forget that it was coming up Alice was afraid that if she didn't she would lose her best friend.

But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind.

Bella knew Alice was trying to distract her from the day but it didn't matter how drunk she got his memory was there lingering and the truth was she wanted to hold onto it for as long as possible.

Until the night she put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger and finally drank away his memory

Bella knew there was only way to let go and to not be a burden to anyone anymore, really what did it matter Rosalie and Emmett wouldn't look at her and she knew it was effecting not only Rosalie and Alice's relationship but Jasper and Alice, she couldn't deal with it anymore, she knew what she had to do she just hoped that he would forgive her. It was October 15th a Thursday.

We found her with her face down in the pillow clinging to his picture for dear life.

When Alice arrived to Bella's home at 7pm that night to take her out she collapsed with grief at the sight before her. She called Jasper than 911 though she knew there was no hope. Her best friend went to be with the one that she loved on the other side.

We laid her next to him beneath the willow while the angels sang a whiskey lullaby.

They spread her ashes along side Edwards under the willow, four friends stood together clingy to each other wondering how a great love could go so wrong and how two smart wonderful people could leave this world so early. The walked away hand in hand clinging to the memories of their friends when they were happy.

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