Author Notes: I really don't know what posessed me to write this, I must be losing my
mind. I wonder if anyone even remembers that cartoon...

Defenders of the Earth
Chapter 1
A New Hope!

Defenders of the Earth! (Defenders!)

Straight off the road
Her engines ignite!
She drives into battle
Racing faster than light!

Lord of the Circus
The hero who stalks!
The Tigers call him brother
The ghost who walks!
Tigers Eye!

Defenders of the Earth! (Defenders!)

Master of magic
Spells and illusion!
His gender can often
lead to confusion!

Her appetite is a legend
Her politeness conquers all!
When Crow's not around
She's gonna have a ball!

Defenders of the Earth!


Eudial sat under an oak tree as she read her book. The air was warm, but a refreshing
cool breeze was blowing so it didn't become too uncomfortable. She smiled contentedly.
Hell wasn't that bad after all.

Of course the absolute best thing was, as she had learned from Tellu who had arrived a
few weeks after herself, that Mimette would never reach the afterlife, as she was trapped
forever within Eudials computer system. The universe was not without a sense of justice.

A shadow fell over her, and Eudial discreetly reached for the Fire Buster mk III as she
looked up. Some of Hell's residents were considerably less than friendly after all. As she
saw her visitor, her eyes widened in startled recognition "You!"


Eudial had been brought to a small room. It looked rather like a doctors waiting room,
from the crappy plastic chairs to the five year old magazines on the table. The room was
also occupied by three other people.

A handsome man with voluminous blonde hair looked at Eudial as she entered, and she
could feel him mentally undressing her.

A woman about Eudial's age with very long blue hair, who seemed engrossed in an issue
of 'Good Housekeeping' from the eighties.

And lastly, an extremely effeminate man, who was doing his best to act as if the other
two didn't exist.

"Okay, now that everyone is here, I can explain the situation." said Sailor Pluto as she
indicated for Eudial to sit with the others.

"It's about time. You've kept us here for hours." Said a very miffed Zoicite "There's no
telling what Kunzite will be up to without me to keep an eye on him."

"I like it here. It's given me a chance to catch up on my reading." Sailor Aluminium
Siren smiled brightly, then on seeing Eudial, she extended her hand "Nice to meet you,
I'm Sailor Aluminium Siren. I'd give you a business card, but I seem to have misplaced

"Er.. Hello. I'm Eudial." The red haired woman replied, hesitantly shaking her hand.

"Yes it is a pleasure to meet such a beautiful woman..." Tigers Eye said before kissing
her hand.

Siren giggled and batted Tigers Eye's arm "You're so bad Tiger-chan!"

Tigers Eye looked slightly miffed at that particular term of endearment, but refrained
from saying anything.

Pluto coughed impatiently "Could I have your attention? Please." Everyone turned to
regard the guardian of time so she continued "The reason I've assembled you four is
because, aside from myself, all of the Sailor Senshi are dead."

A collective gasp issued from the four ex-villians. The Sailor Senshi had defeated all of
their most nefarious plans. Whomever had killed them had to be powerful indeed. "How
did they die?" Zoicite asked, seeming interested for the first time since arriving.

Pluto seemed a bit embarrased. "Well... Sailors Jupiter, Mars and Venus all died in a
bizaare gardening accident..."

"Bizaare gardening accident?" Zoicite repeated incredulously.

"Well... it was rather mysterious... the police decided it was best to just leave it alone..."
Pluto shuffled her feet as she spoke. "As for Sailors Uranus and Neptune... er... they were
electrocuted in the bath."

"In the bath..." Tigers Eye arched an eyebrow "Together?"

"Um, yes... they were making toast and the toaster fell in..." Pluto exhaled sharply and
decided to press on "Sailor Mercury spontaneusly combusted during a chemistry exam,
Sailor Saturn was mauled by wild dogs and Sailor Moon choked on someone else's

"Someone else's vomit?" Eudial looked aghast.

Sailor Pluto scratched the back of her head "Well... we're not sure, I mean you can't
exactly dust for vomit can you?"

"What about cape boy?" Zoicite asked, while struggling to contain his mirth.

"Hit by a bus." Pluto replied snappily.

"This is all very amusing - I mean tragic, but what does it have to do with us?" Eudial

"Well... it's going to be a while before they get reincarnated, so someone has to protect
the Earth. I can't do it because I'm stuck at the Time Gate, so you've been chosen. You'll
be brought back to life of course." Pluto outlined her proposal.

"Why should I care?" Zoicite sneered "I'm perfectly happy in hell with Kunzite. I'm not
going to leave him so I can protect the earth. It's none of my concern."

Pluto grinned. She had expected this. "Actually, Kunzite has been behaving himself so
well he might get transferred to heaven... I hear there's lots of pretty girls there..."

Zoicite bolted to his feet "What?! He'd be so tempted without me to watch him! This is
outrageous, you can't do this!"

Pluto pretended to study her nails disinterestedly. Then she remembered she was wearing
gloves so stopped. "It's out of my hands... Of course, if you do this then I might put in a
word or two about keeping him in hell."

Zoicite slumped back to his chair in defeat. "Fine." He said resignedly.

"Good." Pluto nodded "What about the rest of you?"

Tigers Eye hesitantly raised his hand "Ano... I thought I wasn't dead... I mean, didn't
Pegasus bring me back to life so I could live in Elysion?"

"Nope, you died. Pegasus just lied about it so as not to confront Chibi Usa with the harsh
realities of life and death." Pluto told him "Sorry." She added as an afterthought,
sounding anything but.

"Oh..." Tigers Eye wasn't sure what to do about this new information "Okay, I guess I'll
sign up."

"What about me?" Siren raised her hand "I thought I was going to come back to life as
Sailor Mermaid after Galaxia-sama returned all the star seeds."

"True." Pluto conceded the point "But she won't get round to restoring your planet for at
least a decade, so you're still dead until then."

"Okay." Siren said brightly "Then I'll be happy to help in any way I can!"

"That just leaves you Eudial," Pluto turned to the scientist "How about it?"

Eudial chuckled slightly. She highly doubted the abilities of this motley band, but she
was curious as to just how things would turn out. After all, the worst that could happen
would be dying again. "Sure you can count me in."


After agreeing to Pluto's proposal, the four would be superheroes were brought out of the
wating room and taken to the check in station. "King Enma will return you to life in a
little while." The last remaining Sailor Senshi of Earth said.

This had the effect of earning the group a series of dirty looks from the recently deceased
who were awaiting their place in the afterlife. "How do they get to go back to life?" One
old man wheezed.

"Yeah, I didn't want to die!" A young man who looked like he had been through a grain
thresher complained.

"Shut up deaders!" A large red ogre clubbed the pair with an enormous mace.

Eudial looked at the ogre. Something about this one was different from the ones in hell.
Then it struck her, the writing on his t-shirt was different. "Excuse me," She got his
attention "But why does your shirt say HFIL?"

"What this?" The ogre looked down and chuckled good naturedly "I've just finished my
shift in the North American children's hell. They make us wear these. I think it stands for
'home for infinite losers' or some such nonsense."

"There's a children's hell? How awful! I thought all children were innocent." Sailor
Aluminium Siren sounded genuinely appalled.

The ogre shrugged. "Lady, I don't make the rules." And with that, he lumbered off.

The gang waited in line for what seemed to be an eternity. Eventually they reached the
massive desk that King Enma sat behind. "What do you have for me Pluto?" The
enormous king of the dead asked.

"I'm requesting that these four be returned to life, I've already filled out all the requisite
forms." She handed four sheafs of paper to Enma.

"Hmm..." King Enma scanned over the forms "Yes... it all seems to be in order." He
stamped his approval on each paper. As he did, the halo's above their heads disappeared.

"Thankyou Enma-sama." Sailor Pluto bowed to him before conjuring a gate with her
staff. "If you'll follow me." She indicated her companions and stepped through.


"So where are we now?" Zoicite asked as the group appeared in a spacious but barely
decorated living room.

"This is your new home. It's on the outskirts of Tokyo. Don't worry if it seems spartan,
you have effectively infinite money to spend on furnishing it. Just don't go too nuts
though... I will be watching you." Pluto said warningly.

"Watching us for what?" Zoicite sneered "How are you going to keep us in line? How
are you even going to make sure we fight for -" He raised his voice several octaves and
struck a camp pose "love and justice?"

"Well, killing you is as simple as handing a form to King Enma. I have you..." Pluto
smiled evilly and made a grasping motion "By the balls."

Zoicite swallowed nervously "I understand." He said meekly.

Pluto nodded "Good. Now I will explain your mission. There is no big threat to the earth
at the moment, but I suspect one will appear shortly. Until it does, you should fight crime
so you can get used to working with one another. I'm sure Eudial," She nodded towards
the scientist "Could easily fashion a police scanner."

Eudial drew herself up proudly "I could do that in my sleep!"

Tigers Eye meekly raised a hand. Pluto's earlier 'balls' comment had him majorly
intimidated. When she looked towards him he spoke "I have a question, why did you
pick us four to defend the Earth? Wasn't there anyone in heaven?"

Pluto had expected this question "Well, heaven is mostly filled with normal people, all
the people with special powers tended to be supervillians and ended up in hell. As for
why I picked you four specifically, well your skills and abilities will directly complement
each other." 'Of course,' she thought inwardly 'Your personalities are in direct

"Wow I'm so happy to be fighting to protect people again!" Aluminium Siren gushed
"You can count on us Sailor Pluto-san!"

"I hope so." Pluto conjured a gate "And now I must go. Good luck... Defenders of the
Earth!" And with that she was gone.

The four looked around their bare living room, and then at each other. Slowly, wide
grins appeared on each of their faces. "SHOPPING SPREE!!" They yelled


Author Notes: That's enough for the first chapter, I'll wait and see if there's actually any
interest in this story before writing more.
A special prize goes to the first person to identify the cartoon, film and anime that I've
referenced in this chapter - the cartoon is a given, the anime is pretty obvious, but will
anyone guess the film?