Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Sailor Moon, Chowder, etc. All of them belong to their respective owners and I'm not making money off of this.
I've been wanting to write a Grinch parody for a while but the main focus was not to parody the live action movie but rather the original story and the cartoon. I mean for starters, I don't like the live action Ron Howard-Jim Carrey movie very much, I like Jim Carreybut this is not his best work, it tried to be a satire on the commercialism of Christmas but fails at it especially since it ultimately became the very thing it was trying to satirize. I mean there were dozens of commercials, toys, fast food deals with Wendy's, children's adaptation books, etc. and ultimately, the film missed the point of the story as the original story and especially to an extent, the cartoon criticized the commercialization of Christmas and even satirized those who profit from it. That was what Dr. Seuss was going for.
Plus, I felt there was too much padding; so much filler but so little to care about. It just wasn't interesting and really? Of all the characters in fiction, they make an origin story for The Grinch. You know, characters like Darth Vader, Batman, Michael Myers and so many others have an excuse but seriously? It's not the fact that it's "just because" or it adds mystery to the character, it just wasn't needed-like it was tacked on to fill up 90 minutes. If you want to watch a movie based on a children's book that was like 20 pages long? I suggest Where The Wild Things Are, a classic. First class, classic-highly recommend watching it.
But excuse that tangent, I also wrote the story because I was sick of the constant parodies of the live action movie, I felt like that most of the authors in the Cartoon Crossovers section just don't show any appreciation to guys like Chuck Jones, Boris Karloff and even Dr. Seuss. Plus what I noticed that for the other parodies, the narration is used in italics for some reason. So for this one, the text from the story, at least most of it, is used as part of the prose. Though I took out the Seuss words since it wouldn't make sense in the context of this particular parody.
And the casting decisions were done wrong on purpose so I went with a more comedic take; at least I hope it makes people laugh. Same case with the Grinch's dialogue being used by Mistress 9; it was simply for laughs. And if anyone sees any spelling or grammar errors, I apologise for those and I'm not really sure if I made it funny or kept the point of the story intact but hopefully I did either. Overall, that's all I have to say and hope you enjoy the story.
"Peace on Earth", "Good will toward men"; those words cherished by plenty when December comes by. In general however, there are many aspects enjoyed by people when it came to the holidays. People think about gifts, parties, snow, and decorations. Those are the things most people think of when they hear the word "Christmas", and simply enjoy every minute of the holidays.
Somewhere around Hollywood, California; it's no different. The inhabitants of Toon Town celebrated the holiday as much as every human being on the planet always had. Granted, back then around the 1940's, their Christmas celebrations were more over the top and on the ridiculous side. As the years progressed though, Christmas celebrations in Toon Town were more controlled due to the presence of modern day animated characters.
Granted, there was still some celebration insanity among with the old timer toons of the 30's and 40's. Regardless, it was an animated version of how the humans celebrated the holidays. Even most of the animated antagonists put aside their plans of world domination or killing their enemies for the holidays. Basically enjoying their Christmas break, except one.
Every toon down in Toon Town loved Christmas a lot but Mistress 9 did not. No one quite knew the exact reason, nor did anyone wish to know. Nobody knew except for the Outer Sailor Soldiers as to how Mistress 9 came to be, but since her return she vowed to commit chaos to bring an end to ToonTown in any way possible. No one really knew why but theories were thrown out. Some say it was because her hair was too long, others say that maybe her shoes were too tight. But most agree with the one theory where maybe it was because her heart was too sizes, too small.
Over the past eleven months, she lived in a cave, on top of the mountains now covered in snow since winter had came. During those months, she constructed a home with the help of Chowder, her "henchman". Inside were various belongings and sorts of junk, but there were items that were mostly stolen, especially since most of the stolen equipment was used to build her home.
She walked outside on the floor of a catwalk with her hands behind her back. The mountains were near the town, the catwalk was built to be in front of the skyline view of Toon Town. Whatever the reason, her heart, her shoes, her hair; she stood there on Christmas Eve hating the toons. Everyday, she would observe them with a nasty expression on her face. Plotting as to what she could do to the various inhabitants. Her eyes narrowed downward, her eyes and her face expressed anger.
"Look at them," she said bitterly, as she now wrapped her fingers on the rails tightly, clenching them. "Look at those stupid toons. What incompetent, slow, filthy creatures."
She darted her eyes left and right, eyeing darkly on the various animated citizens enjoying everything Christmas without a care in the world.
"These morons are enjoying their pathetic lives, they don't deserve to live." She continued on before shouting. "DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU WILL SUFFER MY WRATH AND YOUR EXTINCTION WILL ONLY BE A MATTER OF TIME!"
Down below, her shouts were a mere faint echo, barely audible, muted. In general, the toons simply saw her loud threats as nothing more than rants.
"It's eight o'clock!" A boy with three strands of hair sticking out of a black hat called back.
She muttered angrily under her breath, annoyed and irritated by the fact that no one had took her seriously. She sighed to herself, "They're too preoccupied with their own business."
Her partner in crime, Chowder, who was a composite of a cat, a bear and a rabbit, on the other hand loved Christmas. He stuck his head out of in between the bars looking down happily on Toon Town.
"Christmas is here! Christmas is here!" He chanted loudly in excitement.
His chant continued to annoy the villainess, prompting her to pinch and puncture Chowder's tail with her high heeled shoe. After a pregnant pause, he cried out in pain as he jumped up and down hitting his head on the rail in the process. She removed her foot from the creature's tail; he grabbed his tail and blew on it in an attempt to heal it.
She looked down again from her hideout; her expression of anger remained on her face but soon was mixed with a look of annoyance.
"Every year, it's all the same." She said in disdain. "They celebrate Christmas in the most annoying way as possible."
"How do you know they celebrate every year-?" Chowder asked before he paused. "Oh no wait, you do know since you're technically-"
"Don't you ever say that name!" She snapped at him harshly. "Don't you dare! I'm not that little bitch nor will I be ever again!"
"I'm just correcting myself," Chowder defended himself. "I'm just saying because you were 'her' for years and had Christmas parties before so yeah."
She hissed in disgust and went back to her business. She continued to stare at them down with a frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town; for she knew every toon down in Toon Town beneath was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
She picked up Chowder, "And they're hanging their stockings," She snarled with a sneer. "Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
She dropped Chowder into the snow; but he stood up again brushing the snow off from him and looked up at her with a concerned look on her face.
She continued on, "Tomorrow no doubt, all the little boys and girls will wake up bright and early. They'll rush for their toys!"
She was once Hotaru Tomoe-one of the supporting players of Sailor Moon, when transformed she turned into Sailor Saturn. The Outer Soldiers, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto, would often be invited to various Christmas parties and when there were children, Hotaru often played with them. They had plenty of toys to share and she often had fun making plenty of noise like playing with a talking stuffed animal or even a bright laser gun that deploys lights and sounds.
But as Mistress 9 looking back on those memories; she became annoyed and cursed herself for enjoying something to be considered childish.
"There's one thing I hate; all the noise, noise, noise, noise!" She clapped her ears shut with her hands, and seethed through her teeth as memories of her former self began to erupt, mentally hearing the sounds of laughter and the beeps and other sorts of sounds from various toys.
Chowder moved a few steps backwards into the cave in fear in case she was going to be insane but his head remained outside however due to his curiosity.
She continued her tangent regardless, "Then the toons, young and old, will sit down to a feast!"
She growled in irritation at the traditions, "And they'll feast! And they'll feast! And they'll FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!" She shouted at the last repetition of the word.
She also remembered that for tradition, every toon showed at Mayor Mickey's town hall for a Holiday feast on Christmas Day. Heroes, villains, sidekicks, companions, etc. all gathered together for a day putting aside their quarrels and differences among each other for a peaceful evening.
"They'll feast on pudding, and rare Christmas turkey! Actually, not rare since people eat those on Thanksgiving and Christmas and goose is served as well but whatever! Turkey or goose, they're either a feast I can't stand in the least!"
"Um," her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Chowder's voice.
"Well if you want, here's the phonebook you wanted." He pulled out a yellow phonebook literally from underneath his hat.
The villainess snatched the book from his hands and whacked him with it hard on his head. So much he felt dizzy and could've sworn he saw stars and the sound of birds chirping.
"What'd you do that for?" Chowder said with anger. "You said that you needed a phone book so that you could shout out their names and say you hate them."
"Idiot, I was being sarcastic!" Mistress 9 spat at him, leaning in toward his face. "Don't you understand sarcasm?"
"To solve your problems, you must actually do something!" She continued to shout at him before turning back to stare at Toon Town from her cave.
"Now where was I?" Mistress 9 continued her tangent. "Oh yes, and then they'll do something I hate most of all!"
"Every toon down in ToonTown, the tall and the small, with Christmas bells ringing and those toons… will start singing." The last word she said with venom in her tone.
Chowder actually smiled at the thought, going down to ToonTown and sing with the various toons wanting to join their tradition of singing on Christmas Day.
She then turned to Chowder leaning closer to his face with Chowder backing away in fear but followed by the villainess before lifting her head up in thought.
"And they'll sing! And they'll sing! And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!"
And the more Mistress 9 thought of this Toon singing, the more she thought, "I must put a stop to this whole thing!"
Chowder backed away from her loosing interest in hearing rants.
"I must stop Christmas from coming," she said with determination as she rubbed her chin in thought. "But how?"
She then turned around as she sound the sounds of Chowder slurping, eating a thrice cream sundae with too much whip cream for his own good. He chugged down the entire thing like no tomorrow leaving his mouth covered in whip cream and melted vanilla flavor, sort of resembling a white beard. The woman tapped her chin in thought, the gears turned in her head.
Chowder turned to look at her confused. "What?"
She mentally pictured Chowder with a red suit and a Santa hat. She then had an idea, an awful, awful idea. Her lips curved into a deviously smile at the plan that instantly came to her mind, Chowder knew what the expression on her face meant.
"Uh-oh," He chorused.
"There are times where I want to hug you." Mistress 9 smiled sweetly at the boy, picking him up. "But now's not one of those times."
She promptly dropped him with the sound a thud following after.
Entering her closet, she turned on a light bulb as she began to search for material. She needed red cloth, boots, cotton and a sewing machine.
"I know just what to do!" She laughed in her throat. "I'll make a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat."
But she instantly spotted another necessary requirement, "Ah-ha!"
Among the same line of black dresses she always wore as her permanent attire, she came across a fat suit that she and Chowder had stole from the set of an episode of The Cleveland Show.
"This is the final step to my disguise." Mistress 9 grinned. "If you're going to be a jolly fat man, might as well go all the way."
She laughed softly to herself as she placed all the necessary items (with the fat suit sitting on the floor) on a desk and had a radio beside her on the right.
"Want me to do anything?" Chowder asked her master.
"Not now," she replied. "Just go watch some TV or something."
Chowder shrugged his arms, "Okay."
She turned on the radio for the song "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" to play from the speakers. Just as she was about to start, she paused midway of cutting up the cloth.
"It's a nice song admittingly," Mistress 9 as she turned the dial on her radio, finding a different song. "But I need something hardcore."
Instantly, she stopped a station that played The Dudes of Wrath's Shocker on the radio.
"That's more like it." She said satisfied withthe song choice, she soon went to work on her Santa suit. Grabbing, the scissors and measuring tape; she measured how much to cut to make each sleeve, the hat and the rest to make a coat. She cut up the cloth withthe exact measurements as the song went on juxtaposed with Chowder watching various Christmas specials ranging from Rankin-Bass to the Looney Tunes, from A Christmas Carol starring George C. Scott to Die Hard.
After 30 minutes of messing with cloth, she went onto sewing. Even with the sewing machine, all the sewing practice with Setsuna Meioh paid off, well worth her time for such a scheme. Chowder continued to ignore her Santa disguise project when he watched Gremlins, The Santa Clause and Batman Returns when each commercial break started.
After two hours of work, her coat was completed now all that was left was the fat suit. Quickly, she stepped inside with her bare hands and feet sticking out, zipped up and suited up with the coat, the boots, the belt and most of all, the hat.
"Perfect!" She grinned mischievously as she adjusted her hat and her belt while observing and inspecting herself at a looking mirror. "With this hat and this coat, I look just like Saint Nick."
She adjusted her Santa hat, flopping the cotton ball backwards after it flopped in front of her face. "All I need is a reindeer."
But since reindeer are scarce, there were none to be found. But even that was not enough to stop Mistress 9. Instead, she looked at Chowder with an evil look complete with a smile that seemed to be a mixture of Freddy Krueger and The Kurgan's own smiles just as he was watching Black Christmas on a television set. Sensing that she was looking at him, he turned to her with a look of fear on his face.
"What?" Chowder asked hesitantly.
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one myself!" Mistress 9 simply said.
After a few minutes of struggle later, she managed to place antlers onto his purple hat.
"I look stupid." He said bluntly.
"Of course you do," Mistress 9 said with no care as she inspected her face on the same mirror from earlier. "But since I'm Santa, it's required."
"Well, yeah, but-"
Mistress 9 cut him off before he could finish his sentence. "But, but get used to it. You've been drafted!"
Going further down the cave, Mistress 9 and Chowder made their way to the final component to her plan. Finally, she pressed a switch component attached to the wall and a garage door opened to real the final ingredient. A sleigh.
"Where'd you get the sleigh?" He asked curiously.
"Remember you distracted that four eyed boy genius with his secret laboratory while I stole a transportation vehicle from him?" She replied.
"Well, this is what I took."
A moment later, they moved the sleigh to the "living room" of the cave with a ramp outside on the catwalk. They both sat on the seats of a sleigh but not a typical, ordinary one. In particular, it was a sort of ridiculously technological sleigh complete with one jet engine thruster provided, and she loaded up some bags and empty sacks. Finally she had completed everything needed for her scheme.
"Everything I need is all here," Mistress 9 smiled with glee. "Things are shaping up, Chowder. Now, let the sleigh ride begin!"
She pressed a red button that started the ignition, flames erupted from the hull, the aircraft started to levitate two feet above the ground much to the delight of Mistress 9. She eyed on the accelerator close to her feet, she eagerly pressed on it and the aircraft began to speed up. She drove the sleigh forward going through the ramp that was placed onto the catwalk for extra speed.
Somehow, trails of flame from the undersides ignited and followed until they ceased at the ramp.
Both Mistress 9 and Chowder screamed in both excitement and fear at the same time. The sleigh shot out of the cave like a cannon, Mistress 9 took over the controls but at the same time, she tried to figure out how to drive it. Back at the cave, a license plate marked Ev1l spun around for a moment before it tipped over and fell.
The villainess cackled in excitement, she enjoyed the exciting but rather terrifying ride. Chowder on the other hand, he screamed like banshee. He was frightened by intensenty and speed of the aircraft, it did not help that the ride made him ill to the point where he felt like vomiting out his thrice cream sundae.
"Don't you think this much?" Chowder screamed his question at Mistress 9.
"Never!" Mistress 9 screamed her answer.
Her look instantly went from a sort of childish excitement to an expression of insanity.
"Let's have some fun!" she cackled.
Her foot pressed on the accelerator a bit more, the speed of the sleigh began to increase much to her delight and Chowder's dismay. Since she took command of the aircraft, she commandeered the steering wheel that resembled an Nintendo Gamecube controller. She pulled up the steering wheel and the sleigh ascended into the sky, above the clouds. The villainess eyed on the moon maniacally which was much to Chowder's dismay. She turned the sleigh to face the moon and pressed on the accelerator, she was going to ram the moon or so he thought. Quickly, her foot let go of the pedal and the sleigh came to a halt. At first Chowder was relieved but soon realized, that also meant bad news since they were up above the clouds. The sleigh dropped like a rock, falling from the sky until Mistress 9, who before was simply calm with her eyes closed, grasped her hands on the steering wheel and pressed her foot on the accelerator with her eyes open once again.
"Give me more!" She shouted.
The sleigh acclerated to full speed again, they weren't above the clouds anymore but they were still about 15,000 feet in the air. She pulled up the sleigh up and down in a loop de loop with Chowder falling out of the sleigh downside up before she catched him with the sleigh returning rightside up. Finally, the villainess controlled her emotions and remained calm but determined while Chowder felt queasy after falling from the sleigh. Finally, he threw up his sundae on the ground below for a minute.
"Suck it up!" Mistress 9 said to him. "We have a job to do!"
"I don't want to do this anymore." Chowder whined as he wiped the remaining vomit sticking out his mouth.
In response, she smacked upside his head.
"Ow!" he groaned, rubbing the back of his head. "Come on!"
"We have a job to do!" Mistress gritted her teeth harshly.
"But this is wrong!" Chowder protested.
"QUIET!" She shouted harshly.
After that, the remainder of the ride was in awkward silence.
"How about some tunes?" Chowder proposed, breaking the silence.
He pressed his finger on a button turning on the radio, blaring out of the speakers was Queen's Gimme the Prize.
Mistress 9 quickly turned off the radio in a panic. She snapped at him, "Are you crazy? You want to wake up the locals?"
"We're in a rocket sleigh," Chowder pointed out matter-of-factly. "How can they not hear the rockets?"
He turned on the radio again, only for a different song being Christmas Vacation by Mavis Staples. Annoyed and still worried that Chowder will blow their cover, she turned off the radio again. But he persisted by turning on the radio, again; only for Megadeth's No More Mr. Nice Guy to play on the speakers on a different station. She turned it off again, but Chowder turned it on with Unyielding Wish by Naomi Tamura. She turned it off once again but he once more turned it on but with Mistress 9 on the off simultaneously.
The radio began to short circuit with the voices sped up chipmunk style but soon imploded, destroying any form of audio entertainment.
"Hey!" Chowder protested, pointing his finger at her. "You did that on purpose!"
"Your finger was on the button too, idiot!" Mistress 9 pointed out matter-of-factly.
"Aw man!" Chowder groaned, crossing his arms.
Finally, the sleigh entered a suburban neighborhood; all their windows were dark. No one knew she was there. All the toons were all dreaming sweet dreams without care, when out of random she picked the first house she spotted.
"This is stop number one." She hissed, eyeing on the house from above.
She turned the sleigh to the right going downwards. She kept a close eye on the roof as the sleigh descended down to make a perfect landing. She backed up the sleigh a bit and turned a bit to the left before finally landing the aircraft on the roof. The undersides made a sound but not too loud.
"Stay here," she commanded Chowder. "I'll need you to load up."
"You got it!" Chowder gave her a thumbs up despite his reluctance.
She walked on top of the roof, empty bags in her fist. She looked inside the chimney examining its size, might not be wide enough for her fraud body. She didn't care, she stepped her foot inside and the rest followed, sort of. She felt confident when her body slid down the rather small sized chimney, but a rather tight pinch. But if Santa can do it then so can she. Soon she got stuck however, for a minute or two with her head sticking out.
"Oh great," she groaned muttering before calling out to Chowder but quietly. "Chowder, get over here!"
Chowder hopped off the sleigh and walked over to the chimney to help her out.
"Get me to slide down, jump on my head." She commanded him again.
"But wouldn't you want to hurt me after that?" Chowder asked.
"At this point, I don't even care if I get a headache!" The villainess hissed quietly at him. "Now, DO IT!"
He shrugged, with no other choice; whether he got hit or not, he had to do it. He hopped onto her head and proceeded to jump on her head up and down. It hurt her head a bit but her head inched down closer until finally after the 10th jump, she finally slid down. She landed inside the fireplace with a thud but not loud enough to wake up the inhabitants of their home.
"You okay down there?" Chowder asked, managing not to slide down the chimney.
"Yes I'm okay!" She hissed again, looking up. "Now get back to the sleigh!"
He saluted and walked off leaving her to execute her plan into action. She then stuck her head out of the fireplace flue where the little stockings hung all in a row. The rest of her body followed as she brushed soot from her body, she looked around the living room, everything filled with all sorts of decorations and presents, a lot for her to steal; the thought put a smile to her face.
"These stockings," she said. "Are the first to go!"
She took out an empty bag and a magnet out of her pocket and because of the metal, the nails were detached from the wall and instantly became stuck to the magnet while the stockings dropped into the empty bag. Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant around the whole room, and she took every present.
Dolls, stuffed animals, marionettes, socks, dresses, jewels, drums, popcorn, checkerboards, ornaments and even the star on the Christmas tree. No item was safe from within her grasp. And she stuffed them in bags. Then Mistress 9, very nimbly, stuffed all the bags one by one up the chimney. They all shot up onto the roof like darts shooting out of a Nerf gun.
Not to say one of them didn't land on Chowder when he went to retrieve the bags.
Then she slunk to the icebox, the refrigerator. She took what were supposed to contributions to the feast. She took the pudding, she took the Christmas turkey. She cleaned out the fridge quick as a flash; she even took the last can of Toon hash.
"'Toon Hash'?" She asked herself rhetorically examining the can she had done a double take. "What is this?"
She chugged every can, every food item from the fridge into the bag. Like the bags before them, she stuffed them up the chimney with glee, more for Chowder to load onto the sleigh.
"And now," grinned Mistress 9. "I'll stuff up the tree!"
When she attempted to stuff the tree up the chimney, a red glass ball shaped ornament detached itself from the tree and rolled away moving towards the wall of the living room. It bumped against it making a sound. But in another room, that and a series of small noises actually caught the attention of a small child in bed. She slept peacefully in her room awaiting for her gifts from Santa to come but the sounds that erupted from the inside caught her attention. Could it be Santa?
She Mistress 9 took the tree, as she started to shove; she heard a small sound like the coo of a dove along with the opening of a door creaking. She widen her eyes in shock, she panicked; somebody had caught her but who? She had to escape or at least hide, she looked around her surroundings. The couch was out of the question since that would be the first place to look for an intruder.
Without thinking even in desperation, she hid behind the very tree she was stealing with it standing upright like before.
"Hello?" A little voice spoke up.
She felt her heart racing, beating. Did somebody caught on to her grand scheme?
"Santa Claus," a child's voice spoke shyly to the fraud Santa. "Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?"
She sweat nervously, what was she going to say? How was she going to explain as to why Santa was stuffing a tree, this little girl's tree, up the chimney? But thankfully for her, she was so smart and so clever, she thought of a lie faster than George Costanza, and she thought it up quick. She then remembered to take out an item she took on the trip if such an occasion arose; she reached underneath her coat a fake white beard. She turned around fast and she saw a small child; little Bonnie Anderson who was no more than five.
"Why my dear, sweet little tot." The fake Santa Claus lied, stepping out from behind the tree to face the child. "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."
"Yes. So I'm taking it back to my workshop, my dear. I'll fix it up there and I'll bring it back right here."
Her fib fooled the child. She then patted her head, got her a drink of water and sent her back to bed. She locked her bedroom door with a skeleton key, satisfied that the child returned to her sleep state. And when Bonnie was in bed with her cup, she went back to her work and stuffed the tree up. Then she went up the chimney herself, and the last thing she took was a log for their fire. On their walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one last speck of food she left behind in the house was too small for even a mouse.
A small brown mouse walked over to the speck, curious that one person took all the food. He was about to reach for it until a feminine hand with sharp fingernails quickly took it leaving him confused.
She emerged from the chimney, feeling triumphant. She placed the beard back underneath her coat. All the bags were already loaded onto the sleigh, she plopped herself back into the driver's seat next to Chowder.
"Success!" She pumped her arms in the air in triumphant, laughing.
She turned on the ignition again and soon they were soon off to another house. With each home, she proceeded to do the same to the other houses in Toon Town; leaving crumbs much too small for other mice of animated origin.
"You've been to five houses already," Chowder told Mistress 9 after two hours of work. "Isn't this enough?"
"What are you nuts?" Mistress 9 looked at him quizzically. "We can't stop now! Besides, this is fun."
Later after two more grand thefts on other homes, she made another stopl this time at JellystonePark. Specifically, the station of Ranger Smith. Complete with an office, a bathroom and a bedroom.
With her trusty skeleton key, she unlocked the door and crept inside his office tip toeing her way in quietly. But even if she hadn't, Smith's own snoring would have blocked out the noise. With her empty sack, she proceeded again to dump all the trinkets and decorations into the sack. She even took a mug with Santa's face on it. After chugging the sack to Chowder, she took the tree. Despite its weight, she managed to carry it outside with no trouble.
Soon afterward, she noticed the ranger uniform with its coat hanger hanging from the coat rack at the far end of the left corner and the standardized hat hanging on said furniture item as well. For shits and giggles, she took the uniform and the hat.
After stealing the uniform, she was about to leave the station but stopped when she realized she passed by a framed poster of the live action Yogi Bear movie. She looked at the poster in disgust and for spite; she took a permanent marker from the forest ranger's desk and proceeded to draw on the framed poster. In a matter of seconds, on the glass was a caricature of a bald man on the top of his head sitting on a director's chair.
Added was a word bubble with the caption being, "It Stinks."
She giggled quietly and slowly opened the door quietly, satisfied with yet another robbery.
"Okay, that was just outright theft dude." Chowder said as Mistress 9 sat back down on the sleigh throwing the sack containing the uniform and the hat onto the back of the sleigh with the other stolen goods.
"Shut up." She simply replied back.
In another part of the Jellystone Park area was the only cave home to friend/nuisance Yogi Bear and his partner Boo-Boo. Mistress 9 invaded their home with no problem due to the fact that they mostly hibernated in the winter with the exception of Christmas parties. Aside from taking whatever Christmas decorations and trinkets like candy cane, she also took the picnic baskets were gifts from Cindy Bear and even to his friend Boo-Boo and Cindy. Even a picnic basket, which was a present from Ranger Smith, was taken by her.
"'I steal pic-a-nic baskets for fun!'" She quietly mocked Yogi before she rolled her eyes in disgust, mumbling. "Give me a break!"
Of course, she also noticed yet another framed poster of the live action Yogi Bear movie. With the permanent maker that she also stole from the station, she drew the same bald man from earlier with the same word bubble caption.
At the Jedi Temple, she managed to avoid the presence of Jedi, they were either meditating or sleeping, either way she managed to steal the donated toys and food they collected, even down to the lightsabers. She managed to open the blast door to a padawan's room. A young 14 year old girl with orange skin with black and white striped horns and head tails sleeping peacefully holding a stuffed toy shaped like an unknown brown colored beast with horns, all while she sucked her thumb.
The villainess crept through the room quietly without making a sound despite small but barely audible creaks on the floor by each step. She got close to the Jedi padawan and attempted to pull the stuff toy away from the girl's grasp but the padawan managed to hold a tight grip on the toy.
She was about to let out a frustrated sigh but bit her tongue to keep her mouth shut and managed to stay cool. To loosen her grip, she tickled the padawan's armpit causing her to giggle. Her grip loosened and managed to switch the toy with a pillow the villainess found on the floor.
Next stop, the home of the Sevilles. She parked the sleigh next to the house instead of on the roof; once again, withthe use of her skeleton key, she entered the house withno problem. In a matter of minutes, she tossed the sacks filled withdecorations, trinkets and food outside. But with an added bonus, she tossed the Christmas tree carelessly landing on Chowder.
Just as she stuffed presents that were labeled to Alvin, Simon, and Theodore; she spotted two framed posters that were for the live action Alvin and the Chipmunks movie and its sequel. Not wanting to miss another opportunity, she again took the permanent marker from her pocket; she once again defaced the posters by drawing caricatures but different ones this time.
On one poster, a caricature of a portly man with glasses appeared with a word bubble that said, "I hated this movie. Hated, hated, hated, hated this movie! Hated it!"
And on another was another man while not bald but didn't had enough hair to cover his forehead was drawn with the word bubble that said, "It's junk, first class junk."
Satisfied, she grabbed the last sacks and locked the door on her way out. In another stop, being another suburban house, she stole yet more gifts, trinkets and decorations but this time from orange bobcat. And after that, she even stopped in a subsidiary of Toon Town called Bedrock. Same robbery pulled yet again like the many others before but like some special victims, this home contained a framed poster of a live action film, this time The Flintstones.
She defaced it with a permanent marker but this time drew a caricature of a man with a beard, glasses wearing a cap, a jacket and tie with the caption, "I'm just going to go ahead and say it, I hate The Flintstones!"
More and more stops came and went. As each sleigh ride progressed, the more sacks and bags piled up in the sleigh, it began to move a bit sluggish. The amount of weight could break or cease the rocket sleigh completely but one of the less, everything was on schedule and at least a bit fast enough to get everything done before dawn.
She stopped by a volcanic mountain containing a spaceship that stuck out of the rocks. Like the padawan'sroom in the Jedi withthe blast door, she managed to step inside the ship with no problem. She had spotted two framed posters of two live action Transformers films but unlike some of the previous locations, she didn't deface them in any fashion.
"How come you didn't draw something on the posters like you did with Yogi?" Chowder asked as Mistress 9 hopped back onto the sleigh.
She shrugged with a "meh" tone in her voice. "Those movies are okay, I guess. They're not really that bad."
After another stop to steal more items and decorations especially a present that contained a diamond ring that was for a Jessica Rabbit, she finally made one last stop to the center of Toon Town; a large Christmas tree that was the size of a skyscraper. She grabbed a hold of the log and for some odd reason closed it like an umbrella.
"Well, that was easy." Mistress 9 quipped as she loaded the tree onto the sleigh.
She stole all things Christmas from decorations to presents. The pile of sacks and bags was so big that it could've piled up to the sky had she stole more items.
"Mission accomplished!" She said, satisfied with her work.
She turned on the ignition and at first, the sleigh lifted two feet above ground but the rocket shorted out, deactivated and the sleigh fell but thankfully the pile in the back didn't fall off but both Mistress 9 and Chowder jumped above their seats after the sleigh abruptly landed.
"What the hell?" She said, almost crying out the words loudly.
She inspected the fuel reserve on the control system, it was halfway toward being empty but still had enough for a quick getaway. She realized quickly that there was too much weight; if she kept trying the sleigh would fall apart.
"Maybe we could give all the stuff back?" Chowder suggested.
She whirled her head furiously at him with a dark, crazed look on her face as if she wanted to kill him.
"Or not," Chowder nervously chuckled as he started to sweat.
But then she smiled but the expression was just as bad.
"What?" He asked before he understood what she intended. "Oh…"
It was a quarter of dawn; all the Toons were still in bed. All the toons were still in a snooze when she packed up her sled.
Packed up withtheir presents, their ribbons, their wrappings, the whole package. Chowder was now out of the sleigh, he had rope tied around his waist with the rest attached to the hook on the aircraft. Now he was required to pull the ridiculously heavy sleigh through Toon Town; much like a reindeer. Mistress 9 held a whip firmed and gripped tightly in her hand.
And Mistress 9 said, "Giddyup!"
She whipped him on his back to get him moving and so he did albeit slowly. She continued to whip multiple times each whip hurt more for him than the last.
"Mush!" She cried out, whipping him more and more.
She whipped him with each cry of the word "Mush." But surprisingly, he moved fast so much that they were very much out of ToonTown. Now they were on their way to the mountains. Even when Mistress 9 laid, placed her feet up on the dashboard with bothher hands behind her head in a relaxed fashion, she still whipped him even when Chowder thought about taking a breath especially when she wasn't looking.
Ten thousand feet up, up the side of one of the snow covered mountains; she rode up with her load to dump all of the stolen items. He exhaustedlyclimbed on one of the mountains freezing cold with his teethchattering like mad. But he knew he'd get whipped again if he stopped and god forbid, complained. As for Mistress 9, she was still relaxed. Confident that she'll pull off her plan, thinking that she had accomplished the greatest thing in her life. But finally, Chowder reached the top. His hand being placed on the solid, flat rock covered in snow with his other hand following.
He pulled the sleigh as hard as he could with whatever strength he had left. When he did though; it was lifted so high into in the air that he panicked when he saw the shadow of the sleigh as it grew bigger. He tried to run at first but the rope attached from his waist to the sleigh retracted him backward and into the center of the shadow. Finally, the sleigh landed on him, hard. The poor boy was flattened by the aircraft.
She exited the sleigh in excitement, cackling as Chowder pulled himself out from the sleigh that flattened him. He panted, exhausted from the sleigh ride.
"Right on the tick," She said excitingly as she walked around the sleigh witnessing the incoming sunrise. "Amazing!"
She was right on schedule, the sun finally rose. Warm and yellow, she could see it from across the mountains.
"Too bad the postal service isn't as efficient as the weather service." Mistress 9 quipped as she checked a watch on her wrist.
"Yay," Chowder said panting as he loosened the rope from his waist. He asked her, "Can we go home now?"
"Not just yet!" she said him. "They're finding now that no Christmas is coming!"
She reached into her pocket as she faced Toon Town from a skyline view once again, "Now to accomplish something I should've done since this whole thing started!"
She pulled out a pocket knife from her coat, one that had the word "vengeance" carved onto the blade. Chowder widened his eyes in shock and fear, was she going to kill him?
No, she took off her Santa coat and sliced through her fat suit, freeing her body from the excessive clothing and polyester. She was still wearing the same black dress but still had her boots on.
"Even in the cold weather, this suit was hot! I was sweating!" She said before she called out to the boy. "Chowder! Get me my shoes!"
He went back to the sleigh to find the high heeled shoes since she took them with her. After Chowder brought them to her, she slipped her feet out of the boots and into her usual pair of black high heeled shoes as she tossed the pocket knife aside.
She pranced around like a happy girl on the set of Heidi; she had finally accomplished her plan. She successfully stole Christmas.
"Yes, yes, yes!" She danced around. "I have done it!"
"Yes you did." He said unenthusiastically.
"I have finally won!" She cackled like a maniac.
In the middle of her victory celebration, she picked up Chowder by his cheeks and danced even holding him during her rambles.
"As I said and as we speak, they're finding out now that no Christmas is coming." She said with a smug expression on her face. "They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do."
"Simple my dear boy," She continued on as she dropped him. "Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, then the toons in Toon Town will all cry, 'Boo Hoo!'"
"That's the noise," Mistress 9 said, "That I simply must hear!"
She leaned over a bit facing Toon Town; she paused and placed a hand to ear. She waited for the exact moment she hoped for to erupt, but instead she sworn that she heard the sounds of crickets chirping. Where were the cries and bawls of various Toons over no Christmas presents and decorations?
"What's going on?" She asked in a confused tone. "Where is it? Where's my moment of triumph?"
She looked at Toon Town with more malice than before, were the Toons up to something? Did they intend to humiliate her? She was in dismay, and somehow she was getting stressed about no sign of any disappointment from the citizens of Toon Town.
"You know you look stressed," Chowder said to her with concern. "Want my stress free rubber ball?"
He gave the villainess a rubber ball used for people who are stressed out of their minds.
"I' am not overstressed, damn it!" She squeezed the rubber ball tightly but by the tenth squeeze, the ball deflated due to the pressure and her long fingernails.
But then she heard a sound. Once again, she placed her hand to ear; the sound rose over the snow and it started to grow. Instead of the sounds of crying and bawling, she was greeted with a barrage of Christmas carols. From The First Noel to O Christmas Tree, from We Wish You a Merry Christmas to Feliz Navidad and even from Deck the Halls to Silent Night. She was baffled from her face to her mind.
The sound wasn't sad, it sounded glad. Every toon down in Toon Town, the tall and the small, were singing without any presents at all. She hadn't stopped Christmas from coming, it came. Somehow or another, it came just the same. And Mistress 9, with her feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling.
"How can it be so?" Mistress 9 asked as she picked up Chowder dropping him after each sentence and looked down at the still cheerful Toon Town. "It came without gifts! It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes and bags!"
She dropped Chowder the final time after that last sentence. And she puzzled and puzzled till her puzzler was solved. Then she thought of something she hadn't before.
"Maybe Christmas," she thought out loud, finally having an epiphany. "Doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!"
She smiled warmly, on the outside and the inside with her hands clasped together. But suddenly, a sharp pain entered her body. She clutched her hands to her chest in pain; the feeling was so strong that she felt getting and weaker despite her attempts to brush it off. She examined one of her hands and it started to shrink. Her hand was being downsized to child like proportions and the fingernails were no longer sharp.
"No, no," It dawned on her. "NOOOO!"
Her scream echoed but surprisingly, no one in Toon Town heard it. She wrapped her arms around her chest as she fell to her knees before she finally fell into the snow face first. She breathed heavily while her legs and feet, her arms and hands and even her hair and head all shrunk down, seemingly disappearing into her dress. Throughout the entire process, Chowder looked on in fear, feeling scared. Something happened, but what was it?
Finally the screaming ceased as Mistress 9 shrunk, in fact the entire shrinking process ceased. A body moved inside, finally a head stuck out of the exposed area of the dress was the head of a little girl withshort hair up to her neck with a cute but sort of shy and timid face. Hotaru Tomoe was finally returned to normal.
"What happened?" She asked timidly.
She finally took notice of her nude body and yelped in surprise. She attempted to cover her body with the now oversized dress.
"Where are my clothes?" Hotaru asked looking back and forth.
Chowder reached underneath his hat and randomly pulled out light blue footsie pajamas. "Would these do?"
Really not feeling picky right now, she took the pajamas and zipped up quickly. She felt a bit a cold but the pajamas were at least warm for her.
"I did something bad didn't I?" Hotaru asked, feeling ashamed. She remembered the terrible things she had done as her former evil self.
"Yeah but you're back." He replied, now comfortable with Hotaru's presence.
"But I did horrible things to you and everyone," Hotaru said as she felt tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry!"
"Hey, hey," He assured her gently, patting the girl on her shoulder. "That was all Mistress 9. You didn't mean any of that stuff."
"But I abused you and I was mean to everyone-"
"Dude, chill! It's okay."
She sighed, she was at least grateful that she returned to normal. She hugged Chowder and in return, he hugged her back.
"Sorry about the antlers," Hotaru apologized as she was about to remove them before he stopped her from doing so.
"Whoa, what are you doing?" Chowder protested, referring to the reindeer antlers on his hat. "I actually kind of like these now."
"Well," she giggled as she stood and declared, "Let's return everything to everyone in Toon Town."
"Now where are they?" She looked around for the sleigh. But then she heard a noise, she turned to the right to not only find the sleigh on the edge of the mountain, where Mistress 9 parked the sleigh, but solid ground on top was beginning to crack.
"Ah no, THE PRESENTS!" She screamed.
She scrambled to her feet and raced towards the sleigh with Chowder following close behind. She grabbed one of the curled shaped undersides as did Chowder. But due to the weight, neither could pull up the sleigh. Despite all her strength, she felt hopeless; she wanted to give up especially with the feeling that she had ultimately ruined Christmas for everyone.
But what happened then, since she was turned to normal; her heart grew three sizes even before she was turned to normal. She realized this and the true meaning of Christmas since it came through to her, she found her inner strength and utilized it to the umpteenth degree. She lifted up the sleigh with the strength of ten Sailor Soldiers plus two.
Immediately, the sleigh was now heading back to Toon Town. Hotaru whizzed with her load through the bright morning light. With a smile to her soul, she descended from the mountains cheerily blowing into a toy trumpet. She rode into Toon Town, she brought back all the toys to the boys and girls. She brought back all the items for the adults, all of the decorations and trinkets were back to where they should be.
She brought everything back and surprisingly, all was forgiven from the citizens of Toon Town, most of them but regardless, she received the smiles and cheers from everyone. But most of all, the Outer Sailor Soldiers welcomed her back with open arms. She missed her Haruka-papa, Michiru-mama and Setsuna-mama. She was happy to be home, and as a sort of reward for her kindness, Mayor Mickey allowed Hotaru herself to carve the Christmas Turkey.
She sat on what was normally Mickey's chair but she was allowed to be the head of the feast. She carved a slice of turkey and gave the first one to Chowder who eagerly awaited for it. She soon carved more for everyone to pass on and soon after was a peaceful feast. She even finished it off with a small speech.
"Welcome Christmas, bring you cheer. Cheer to all, far and near. Christmas day is in our grasp, so as long as we have hands to grasp. Christmas day will always be, just as long as we have we. Welcome Christmas while we stand, heart to heart and hand in hand."
I'm not really happy with the first two paragraphs honestly because I never could think of a good way to properly open a story so I'd resort to Big Pete from The Adventures of Pete & Pete as sort of a guide to open a story. And I'm also not entirely happy with how the toons retaliated when their stuff was stolen but them singing Christmas carols seemed good enough to me especially when I was trying to think of something. Also for the record, I had not watched the Chowder holiday special when I wrote this, I finally did though and for those who haven't seen it; they were not celebrating Christmas. I do wish I came up with more scenes of Mistress 9 stealing especially if I included cameos from the characters of Foster's or Tattertown but the story was long enough as it is and just in case, I didn't want to bore people with the details. I enjoyed writing what I wrote though but for the record, that Yogi Bear scene, I wrote it the day before it came out and considering the reception the live action Yogi Bear film ended up getting, I think it's justified.
Really, I couldn't resist mocking the live action movies based on various cartoons but I don't really mind Michael Bay's Transformers movies. Anyway, I added a reference to Wes Craven's recent film My Soul to Take; if anyone spots the reference, you get five brownie points. :)
Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed the parody and Merry Christmas!